Chapter 58 - Hostage Queen Chapter 57 - Affectionate King Chapter 56 - Igor’s Wish Chapter 55 - He Cares For You Chapter 54 - Basil Chapter 53 - Garden Check (19) Chapter 52 - Maidenhood Gone (19) Chapter 51 - Taste of Wine (19) Chapter 50 - Tradition Annulled Chapter 49 - Yearning Kiss Chapter 48 - You’re Beautiful Chapter 47 - Dimi Over You Chapter 46 - I’m Sorry, Rihannan Chapter 45 - The Truth Chapter 44 - Anastasia’s Daughter Chapter 43 - I Owe It to Her Chapter 42 - Igor’s Clumsiest Best Chapter 41 - Queen’s Palace Chapter 40 - Human Nature Chapter 39 - Igor’s Debt Chapter 38 - The Medicine Chapter 37 - Women Love Flowers Chapter 36 - Public Disgrace Chapter 35 - A Wife Who Does Not Love Chapter 34 - He Liked Her, After All Chapter 33 - Are You Crying? Chapter 32 - You’re My Wife, I’ll Protect You Chapter 31 - Mother's Grave Chapter 30 - Rihannan and Arundell Chapter 29 - Your Majesty, Please Get Out Chapter 28 - Suicidal Impulse Chapter 27 - Igor’s Regret Chapter 26 - But Divorce Me a Year Later Chapter 25 - Long Time No See Chapter 24 - I’ll Kill You Myself Chapter 23 - I’ll Be Alright Chapter 22 - A Favor Chapter 21 - Danil Lyurik Chapter 20 - A Future Worse Chapter 19 - Suffer the Same Fate Chapter 18 - New Man Chapter 17 - The Dream Chapter 16 - There Was a Time... Chapter 15 - Young King Chapter 14 - Years Later Chapter 13 - If She Did Her Job Properly… Chapter 12 - Of Chrichton Blood Chapter 11 - I Don’t Want To Marry Chapter 10 - Life In Her Belly Chapter 9 - Dimitri Priebius Chapter 8 - The First and Last Chapter 7 - Feared Queen Chapter 6 - Send Them Out Chapter 5 - Wanting His Love Chapter 4 - Get Out Chapter 3 - Hertia Cesca Chapter 2 - Loveless Marriage Chapter 1 - Golden Bird’s Feather
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Rihannan was left in the dark, unaware of the events that had transpired over the past six years while she resided in Chrichton. All she knew was that Igor’s deep-seated animosity towards his own mother had intensified beyond what she remembered.
“Haven’t you already stripped me of everything? My power, my people, my dignity, all of it. Why are you so wary of a feeble, incompetent old woman who can do nothing? Igor, I have done so much for you…”
“Don’t you dare claim that it was all for me,” Igor’s voice grew louder, his teeth grinding together. “You claim it was for the kingdom, for me, but in reality, it was all done to satiate your vain greed. Do not impose your views on others under the veil of your filthy hypocrisy!”
“Igor!”
Igor’s mind was clouded with cynical thoughts.
“You knew that I would eventually bring her here if my wife decided to visit, but it matters not. Our relationship remains unchanged. However, it is good that we are here. Do not summon Rihannan again without my permission. Remember this, mother.”
With that, he sealed his lips and walked away, Rihannan by his side.
The Queen, stunned and disheartened, stood rooted to the spot for a long while.
“…Igor, what have I ever done to you?”
Meanwhile, Rihannan and Igor reached the royal carriage. The servants opened the carriage door, and Rihannan entered first, followed by Igor. He took a seat opposite her.
As the carriage began its journey, Igor maintained a visage of anger, and Rihannan found herself at a loss for words.
What should I do? she pondered.
Rihannan bit her lip and closed her eyes, the situation growing increasingly dire. She feared when his anger would spill over onto her. She believed that her life would continue much like her previous one. She anticipated that Igor would find fault with her desire to see the Queen.
“I apologize for dragging you into that situation… I am truly sorry. My behavior was unbecoming,” Igor finally broke the silence, his voice laced with remorse.
Rihannan was taken aback. She never expected to hear such words from him. She opened her eyes and gazed at Igor, his expression soft, almost melancholic.
“I’m sorry… if I frightened you. I’m sorry for what you had to witness. I had intended to discreetly bring you out, but we crossed paths with my mother…”
Relief washed over her. It seemed he had no intention of blaming her.
This was a positive development.
“I visited the Queen because her lady-in-waiting had personally delivered a message, making it impossible for me to refuse…”
“I know. The duchess explained everything,” Igor interjected.
Rihannan felt puzzled. “The duchess?”
“She came to see me in person and recounted the entire incident.”
“I see…”
“Um… did my mother say anything to you?”
“Nothing significant.”
However, he appeared dissatisfied with her response. He stared at her, and she could feel the weight of his silent expectations.
Rihannan sighed softly. “….Just a few words of regret and stories from His Majesty’s childhood.”
“Igor.”
“Yes?”
“Call me Igor… as we agreed before.”
Rihannan hastily corrected herself. “Yes. The Queen wanted to mend the relationship between the two of you. However, she was not pressuring me. We simply conversed, nothing more.”
Silence ensued, and Igor did not offer a reply.
Rihannan chose to break the silence. “Igor, what happened?” she asked, after much contemplation.
There was animosity on both sides, and she couldn’t understand why Igor clung to that anger even though his mother had lost everything she once held.
“…What happened over the years? I don’t recall it being like this,” she mused.
He remained tight-lipped, and she feared she would not receive an answer from him.
“Because I fear being with my mother,” he finally spoke, his words dripping with vulnerability.
Rihannan regarded him with questioning eyes. What did he mean by that? Afraid of his mother? What had transpired?
“I’m not sure I follow…” she trailed off.
“When a person’s mind is irreparably traumatized, they resort to extreme measures. And then they are left with two choices… to take their own life or to take the lives of others.”
Rihannan’s face hardened. It reminded her of her own past choices.
“Taking one’s own life is a sacrifice in itself, but when that trauma and anger are directed towards others, it doesn’t end with just one sacrifice. What follows is a horrific and endless cycle of death. Sometimes, even the person you least expect is capable of it…” Igor’s voice faltered as he bit his lip. “In any case, we won’t know the outcome until it is all over.”
Purple eyes bore into her soul, asking which side she had chosen. Those purple eyes seemed to know that she had chosen the former, that she had taken her own life because she was mentally incapable of enduring. But she found it difficult to predict where Igor fell. He was cold, brutally cold, but it was hard to fathom him as a tyrant who mercilessly slaughtered countless innocent lives.
“If you hold onto hatred, especially towards those you hold affection for, it is bound to fester until it can no longer be contained. That’s… that’s why I am afraid of her, of my mother,” he sighed softly. “I know I am sharing too much, and you may not understand, but I felt compelled to let you know.”
“….So you have something you fear,” Rihannan softly laughed, looking at him. “When we were young, I thought you were strong, as if you had nothing to fear. That’s what I thought.”
“No, you’re mistaken. I have always been afraid,” he replied with a bitter smile. “There were always people vying for my title, seeking to replace me, and a mother who regarded me as a mere tool, a pawn to be manipulated. If I weren’t her only son, I would have been used and discarded long ago.”
“It’s true that she is different from other mothers, but that does not mean she is unwilling to spare you, her only son.”
Igor chuckled wryly. “Perhaps… but everyone relishes playing the king most of all when playing a game of chess. If the king falls, the game is over. I know my mother was kind to you. I know. But sometimes, the cruelest person can be your closest kin. You are my mother’s goddaughter, that is true, but soon, you will be my wife. Please bear that in mind. Do not judge her solely by her outward appearance. She can be the cruelest of them all…”
Rihannan observed him for a moment and spoke. “….You must have been lonely.”
His eyes widened slightly, as if he had never considered the notion.
“Lonely? Me?”
“You said you had no one to rely on. No one. And I am sure Basil has his limitations. It would be unnatural not to feel consumed by loneliness.”
Rihannan understood what it was like to be rejected by one’s own blood. Even she had fallen victim to it unknowingly. Igor’s frustration must have grown while she was torn between him and his mother’s conflict.
“You think you will never experience loneliness, that loneliness is not what you are feeling amidst the multitude of thoughts and emotions in your heart and mind. And then, you realize it all too late—what it truly was, all along, was… loneliness,” Rihannan remarked.
We are more alike than we realized, Igor. Don’t you think? Why couldn’t we have been like this before…? What happened to us?
Like Rihannan, Igor yearned for his mother’s love.
Like Rihannan, he was just as lonely.
If she had known, would things have turned out differently? Had she tried harder, would she have understood that there was more than meets the eye?
“You’re right,” Igor replied with a bitter smile. “I must have been lonely…” His voice resonated, interrupting her deep contemplations. “I thought it was crucial to grasp power… but there were certain things missing. Perhaps, as you said, it is loneliness. I have power now, but…”
Igor reached out and took her hand in his. He looked into her blue eyes, eyes in which he could drown, eyes that held specks of sunlight, depth, raw emotion, and eyes that could captivate him.
“Rihannan, I am placing my trust in you… Will you trust me?”
She was momentarily speechless, struggling to comprehend his intentions.
“You would believe me? Trust me? We have only just met. How can you readily place your trust in me?”
Igor had never trusted her during their marriage. Yet now, when they had only recently crossed paths, how could he allow himself to trust her?
Chapter 58 - Hostage Queen Chapter 57 - Affectionate King Chapter 56 - Igor’s Wish Chapter 55 - He Cares For You Chapter 54 - Basil Chapter 53 - Garden Check (19) Chapter 52 - Maidenhood Gone (19) Chapter 51 - Taste of Wine (19) Chapter 50 - Tradition Annulled Chapter 49 - Yearning Kiss Chapter 48 - You’re Beautiful Chapter 47 - Dimi Over You Chapter 46 - I’m Sorry, Rihannan Chapter 45 - The Truth Chapter 44 - Anastasia’s Daughter Chapter 43 - I Owe It to Her Chapter 42 - Igor’s Clumsiest Best Chapter 41 - Queen’s Palace Chapter 40 - Human Nature Chapter 39 - Igor’s Debt Chapter 38 - The Medicine Chapter 37 - Women Love Flowers Chapter 36 - Public Disgrace Chapter 35 - A Wife Who Does Not Love Chapter 34 - He Liked Her, After All Chapter 33 - Are You Crying? Chapter 32 - You’re My Wife, I’ll Protect You Chapter 31 - Mother's Grave Chapter 30 - Rihannan and Arundell Chapter 29 - Your Majesty, Please Get Out Chapter 28 - Suicidal Impulse Chapter 27 - Igor’s Regret Chapter 26 - But Divorce Me a Year Later Chapter 25 - Long Time No See Chapter 24 - I’ll Kill You Myself Chapter 23 - I’ll Be Alright Chapter 22 - A Favor Chapter 21 - Danil Lyurik Chapter 20 - A Future Worse Chapter 19 - Suffer the Same Fate Chapter 18 - New Man Chapter 17 - The Dream Chapter 16 - There Was a Time... Chapter 15 - Young King Chapter 14 - Years Later Chapter 13 - If She Did Her Job Properly… Chapter 12 - Of Chrichton Blood Chapter 11 - I Don’t Want To Marry Chapter 10 - Life In Her Belly Chapter 9 - Dimitri Priebius Chapter 8 - The First and Last Chapter 7 - Feared Queen Chapter 6 - Send Them Out Chapter 5 - Wanting His Love Chapter 4 - Get Out Chapter 3 - Hertia Cesca Chapter 2 - Loveless Marriage Chapter 1 - Golden Bird’s Feather
Prev
Next
Rihannan was left in the dark, unaware of the events that had transpired over the past six years while she resided in Chrichton. All she knew was that Igor’s deep-seated animosity towards his own mother had intensified beyond what she remembered.
“Haven’t you already stripped me of everything? My power, my people, my dignity, all of it. Why are you so wary of a feeble, incompetent old woman who can do nothing? Igor, I have done so much for you…”
“Don’t you dare claim that it was all for me,” Igor’s voice grew louder, his teeth grinding together. “You claim it was for the kingdom, for me, but in reality, it was all done to satiate your vain greed. Do not impose your views on others under the veil of your filthy hypocrisy!”
“Igor!”
Igor’s mind was clouded with cynical thoughts.
“You knew that I would eventually bring her here if my wife decided to visit, but it matters not. Our relationship remains unchanged. However, it is good that we are here. Do not summon Rihannan again without my permission. Remember this, mother.”
With that, he sealed his lips and walked away, Rihannan by his side.
The Queen, stunned and disheartened, stood rooted to the spot for a long while.
“…Igor, what have I ever done to you?”
Meanwhile, Rihannan and Igor reached the royal carriage. The servants opened the carriage door, and Rihannan entered first, followed by Igor. He took a seat opposite her.
As the carriage began its journey, Igor maintained a visage of anger, and Rihannan found herself at a loss for words.
What should I do? she pondered.
Rihannan bit her lip and closed her eyes, the situation growing increasingly dire. She feared when his anger would spill over onto her. She believed that her life would continue much like her previous one. She anticipated that Igor would find fault with her desire to see the Queen.
“I apologize for dragging you into that situation… I am truly sorry. My behavior was unbecoming,” Igor finally broke the silence, his voice laced with remorse.
Rihannan was taken aback. She never expected to hear such words from him. She opened her eyes and gazed at Igor, his expression soft, almost melancholic.
“I’m sorry… if I frightened you. I’m sorry for what you had to witness. I had intended to discreetly bring you out, but we crossed paths with my mother…”
Relief washed over her. It seemed he had no intention of blaming her.
This was a positive development.
“I visited the Queen because her lady-in-waiting had personally delivered a message, making it impossible for me to refuse…”
“I know. The duchess explained everything,” Igor interjected.
Rihannan felt puzzled. “The duchess?”
“She came to see me in person and recounted the entire incident.”
“I see…”
“Um… did my mother say anything to you?”
“Nothing significant.”
However, he appeared dissatisfied with her response. He stared at her, and she could feel the weight of his silent expectations.
Rihannan sighed softly. “….Just a few words of regret and stories from His Majesty’s childhood.”
“Igor.”
“Yes?”
“Call me Igor… as we agreed before.”
Rihannan hastily corrected herself. “Yes. The Queen wanted to mend the relationship between the two of you. However, she was not pressuring me. We simply conversed, nothing more.”
Silence ensued, and Igor did not offer a reply.
Rihannan chose to break the silence. “Igor, what happened?” she asked, after much contemplation.
There was animosity on both sides, and she couldn’t understand why Igor clung to that anger even though his mother had lost everything she once held.
“…What happened over the years? I don’t recall it being like this,” she mused.
He remained tight-lipped, and she feared she would not receive an answer from him.
“Because I fear being with my mother,” he finally spoke, his words dripping with vulnerability.
Rihannan regarded him with questioning eyes. What did he mean by that? Afraid of his mother? What had transpired?
“I’m not sure I follow…” she trailed off.
“When a person’s mind is irreparably traumatized, they resort to extreme measures. And then they are left with two choices… to take their own life or to take the lives of others.”
Rihannan’s face hardened. It reminded her of her own past choices.
“Taking one’s own life is a sacrifice in itself, but when that trauma and anger are directed towards others, it doesn’t end with just one sacrifice. What follows is a horrific and endless cycle of death. Sometimes, even the person you least expect is capable of it…” Igor’s voice faltered as he bit his lip. “In any case, we won’t know the outcome until it is all over.”
Purple eyes bore into her soul, asking which side she had chosen. Those purple eyes seemed to know that she had chosen the former, that she had taken her own life because she was mentally incapable of enduring. But she found it difficult to predict where Igor fell. He was cold, brutally cold, but it was hard to fathom him as a tyrant who mercilessly slaughtered countless innocent lives.
“If you hold onto hatred, especially towards those you hold affection for, it is bound to fester until it can no longer be contained. That’s… that’s why I am afraid of her, of my mother,” he sighed softly. “I know I am sharing too much, and you may not understand, but I felt compelled to let you know.”
“….So you have something you fear,” Rihannan softly laughed, looking at him. “When we were young, I thought you were strong, as if you had nothing to fear. That’s what I thought.”
“No, you’re mistaken. I have always been afraid,” he replied with a bitter smile. “There were always people vying for my title, seeking to replace me, and a mother who regarded me as a mere tool, a pawn to be manipulated. If I weren’t her only son, I would have been used and discarded long ago.”
“It’s true that she is different from other mothers, but that does not mean she is unwilling to spare you, her only son.”
Igor chuckled wryly. “Perhaps… but everyone relishes playing the king most of all when playing a game of chess. If the king falls, the game is over. I know my mother was kind to you. I know. But sometimes, the cruelest person can be your closest kin. You are my mother’s goddaughter, that is true, but soon, you will be my wife. Please bear that in mind. Do not judge her solely by her outward appearance. She can be the cruelest of them all…”
Rihannan observed him for a moment and spoke. “….You must have been lonely.”
His eyes widened slightly, as if he had never considered the notion.
“Lonely? Me?”
“You said you had no one to rely on. No one. And I am sure Basil has his limitations. It would be unnatural not to feel consumed by loneliness.”
Rihannan understood what it was like to be rejected by one’s own blood. Even she had fallen victim to it unknowingly. Igor’s frustration must have grown while she was torn between him and his mother’s conflict.
“You think you will never experience loneliness, that loneliness is not what you are feeling amidst the multitude of thoughts and emotions in your heart and mind. And then, you realize it all too late—what it truly was, all along, was… loneliness,” Rihannan remarked.
We are more alike than we realized, Igor. Don’t you think? Why couldn’t we have been like this before…? What happened to us?
Like Rihannan, Igor yearned for his mother’s love.
Like Rihannan, he was just as lonely.
If she had known, would things have turned out differently? Had she tried harder, would she have understood that there was more than meets the eye?
“You’re right,” Igor replied with a bitter smile. “I must have been lonely…” His voice resonated, interrupting her deep contemplations. “I thought it was crucial to grasp power… but there were certain things missing. Perhaps, as you said, it is loneliness. I have power now, but…”
Igor reached out and took her hand in his. He looked into her blue eyes, eyes in which he could drown, eyes that held specks of sunlight, depth, raw emotion, and eyes that could captivate him.
“Rihannan, I am placing my trust in you… Will you trust me?”
She was momentarily speechless, struggling to comprehend his intentions.
“You would believe me? Trust me? We have only just met. How can you readily place your trust in me?”
Igor had never trusted her during their marriage. Yet now, when they had only recently crossed paths, how could he allow himself to trust her?
