"Oh, Cade, it's so good to see you." A woman who looked about 50 years old came to greet Aurelius and Cade after they knocked on the door of the orphanage building.
It was a large stone building that looked more like an academy than an orphanage. The place must have housed hundreds of children. Finally, it made sense why Cade was helping with the funding so actively.
"It's good to see you too, Fria," Cade said, her voice higher than usual. Then the pair embraced each other.
Aurelius was a bit surprised at how warm Cade acted so suddenly. Cade had worn a warmer expression the whole few hours that they traveled to get there, though, so it wasn't that surprising. Everyone needed someone special in their lives that they could show affection to. Gabriel's words.
Fria then turned her bright eyes to Aurelius. There was a sudden curiosity in those dark green orbs of hers. A wide grin grew on her face as she looked back at Cade.
"You go—" Fria shrieked like she was about to implode.
Cade shook her head profusely and used a deep voice to make things clear. "No, no!"
"Oh, I knew it," Fria said with a gasp. "And look at him! He's so tall. I bet he's stro—"
It seemed like Cade almost shoved her palm inside the woman's mouth completely. She then looked at Aurelius, who was nervously chuckling at the side. He just wanted to go practice materialization somewhere quiet, but now he had imaginary daggers threatening to pierce his soul.
Cade then looked the woman in the eyes. "He's 16. And I'm not like that, so would you shut up? I'm too tired for this right now."
The woman raised her hands and mumbled something into the palm pressed against her mouth. By that time, Aurelius had performed a vanishing trick.
Cade heaved a sight before putting on a serious expression as she let go of Fria.
Fria settled down as well, and her gaze got firm. "What have you got for me?"
"A few hundred gold," Cade answered without hesitation.
Fria's eyes went wide, and it seemed like she was going to yell something when she leaned in and whispered, "What did you do? I can't take that amount."
"I sold some enhancers. And you're going to take the money. It's untraceable, I assure you. Hide it somewhere safe," Cade responded without worry.
"Enhancers?" Fria said aversely, but fortunately she didn't start a lecture. "But what do I spend it on? I already have enough saved up to provide the kids with all the necessities for years to come, thanks to you. What do you want me to do?"
"Provide it for more years to come. And for better education. Give the kids the opportunities they should have. And if there's still money left over, give it to others in need."
"Fine, but you should stop endangering yourself like this. We already have enough."
"Yeah, well, I'll think about it. But my duty is to keep this place standing, and I'll do so until my dying breath," Cade said, determination in her eyes. "You never know when that's going to be, so it's better for you to have too much than too little."
***
Despite looking for a quiet spot, Aurelius found himself interacting with some of the kids, who were really interested in pulling out strands of his hair. It was fun before there were tens of kids there, all pulling at his hair. After that, it turned into some type of tag game.
However, against Aurelius' wishes, they didn't stay at the orphanage for long. Cade gave Fria the banknotes, and they left. They proceeded to continue their travels through the night in roughly the direction they had come from.
As the sun started to rise, they finally arrived.
"What is this place?" Aurelius asked as he looked at the building before him. The house was seemingly two stories high and had pristine white walls and sharp architecture. The door was dark wood, and the windows were so finely made that one wouldn't even have known they were there if not for the light being reflected off of them.
"It's my friend's house," Cade answered.
Aurelius looked at Cade confusedly. He didn't even have to say anything before she answered.
"She's also from the orphanage."
"How did she afford this house, then?"
"She's smart, and she doesn't give up," Cade explained as she took out a hidden key. "And she happens to be a criminal."
She opened the door. It was the finest house Aurelius had ever seen. The floors were clean to the point of mirroring the sunlight that shone through the windows.
"There's a guest room upstairs. Go get some sleep," Cade said.
"What about you? Aren't you a guest, too?" Aurelius asked as Cade walked away.
"I've got my own room," She said over her shoulder.
***
For some reason, Aurelius wasn't tired. He tried to sleep for a while but gave up, deciding to head into the backyard instead.
There he had his hands together with a thin, ethereal object in front of him. Materialization worked in odd ways. Supposedly, like all essence usage types, it had its own rules and regulations, but it was still a mess in Aurelius' eyes. He had started practicing it ever since he heard about it from Cade, but he hadn't made much progress since he had poured most of his attention into motionless magic. Not that that was going any better.
Sometimes he wondered if he really had any talent. Things seemed to blow up in his face when he believed in them the most. He also couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't taught sooner. If someone had told him about essence, he would probably be on Cade's level by now. Twelve years had been completely wasted.
The imaginary mass crumbled and faded. Aurelius couldn't grasp it. He grunted and pumped his fist with the intent to hit something, but stopped midway and just let it go, shaking his head.
"You really take your practice seriously."
Aurelius turned to Cade, who sat down beside him on a fully ethereal chair, made with no setups or anything.
"Tch. Yeah, just rub it in," Aurelius said, shifting his gaze.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to," Cade apologized. Aurelius wasn't sure about the authenticity of her words, though. There was rarely any variation in her tone. "I was just saying. You don't get emotional about much outside of essence. Why is that? Is it really that important to you that you can't focus on anything else?"
"Yes, it is. At least, I like to think that way. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing enough. Of course, I care about other stuff, but I think strength is the key to it all. For example, how can I save anyone if I'm not strong?"
"The key to everything, huh? You know, people who say that rarely think what it all entails. What about when you are finally strong enough? What will you do? Who will you save? How will you save them?" Cade asked and waited a little for an answer. A couple seconds passed before she continued. "It's frighteningly common for people to chase one thing and one thing only without really thinking farther. It seems absurd, but I think it has something to do with how humans are fundamentally wired. We always want to be chasing something. Always something better. It doesn't even matter if that thing exists. We do it anyway. Even I, despite my consciousness of the matter, do it to an extent."
"Ah, right," Aurelius responded, scratching his head.
Cade sighed and stood up, the chair vanishing. She walked forward and began to speak with her back to Aurelius as she looked to the sky. "Do you see me as a monster?" she asked.
Aurelius furrowed his brows. "Ah, oh, no. Of course not," he said, stumbling over his words.
"You're just saying that because I'm teaching you, right?" Cade said with a light chuckle.
Aurelius put his hand on the seat of his chair. "No, I just... You just want to help the people at the orphanage, so how is that bad? You're doing what you can to better the world."
"Mmm, Aurelius, tell me, have you ever killed anyone?" Her tone was deeper.
"I've killed some animals. And that beast, too."
"No, no. Have you ever killed a person? A living, breathing human being."
Aurelius shrunk. "Ah, no. Never."
"Do you think you will?"
"I hope not. But if it's necessary, I'll do it." Aurelius said.
"I don't know if you should. There are things in this world that no one should experience. Killing is one of them."
"How horrible is it?"
"That's the thing." Cade turned to look Aurelius in the eyes. "It's not."
Aurelius leaned back and let out a mumble mixed with an exhalation, "What?"
"It's addicting. When you take the life of a horrible person and put out the light in them, you know that person will never hurt anyone again. It's so easy and rewarding. It's something like a drug. You do it, and suddenly there's an indescribable satisfaction. But afterward, you feel dirty. And that's dirt that doesn't wash off. It's dirt on your soul."
Aurelius' mouth was dry, like it was filled with sand. "But you're doing the right thing, aren't you?"
Cade squatted down and dug her nails into the dirt, shifting her gaze to the ground. "No. Not the right thing. Maybe the right intention, but not the right thing. Taking a life is never something virtuous. It carries an aura of negativity, no matter what."
Aurelius gulped and licked the dry inside his mouth. "How do you do it, then? How do you deal with it?"
"I just do it. I don't think about it much. It's just commands I make to my body, and my body does the killing. Then I go on to look people in the eyes, and sometimes they don't look human. They seem like simple animals. Like walking bags of meat. Something you'd find in a butchery that has, for some reason, gained consciousness. Then I can't help but think of how easy it would be to just kill them. I think about it all the time." Cade stood back up and let the dirt in his hand slip through his fingers. The dirt was dry and flowed like sand. "I have dreams about it. All the time, I can't get it out of my head. Sometimes I wake up and... I want to hurt myself. I'm not sure that I deserve to live."
Cade looked to Aurelius. He had been holding his breath and only exhaled after she finished. However, he couldn't get a word out.
Cade looked down. Aurelius could recognize regret in her eyes. He also noticed something for the first time. The underneaths of Cade's eyes were sagging. Had they always been like that?
"The orphanage helped, though," Cade said, looking at the building on their side. "After my mother died, I kind of just wandered around. Fria took me in. Things have been rough. Not enough food or water. I had a chance to help. The people at the orphanage gave me a chance to provide something to this world." Cade looked to Aurelius. She pursed her lips and rubbed her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just dump all of this on you."
"Ah, it's nothing," Aurelius finally managed to say.
"I'll stop bothering your practice now." Cade turned toward the house in order to head back inside. Then she stopped to say, "Aurelius, I'm not sure how you'll be forced to handle things in the future, and I'm not saying my judgment of myself will apply to you if you ever do kill a person. Just... don't become like me."
"Ah, okay." Aurelius said, scratching his arm and blinking irregularly. Then he caused Cade to stop. "Wait. Um, Cade... I don't think you should suffer. So please... don't hurt yourself."
Cade turned back and smiled faintly before going inside.
"Oh, Cade, it's so good to see you." A woman who looked about 50 years old came to greet Aurelius and Cade after they knocked on the door of the orphanage building.
It was a large stone building that looked more like an academy than an orphanage. The place must have housed hundreds of children. Finally, it made sense why Cade was helping with the funding so actively.
"It's good to see you too, Fria," Cade said, her voice higher than usual. Then the pair embraced each other.
Aurelius was a bit surprised at how warm Cade acted so suddenly. Cade had worn a warmer expression the whole few hours that they traveled to get there, though, so it wasn't that surprising. Everyone needed someone special in their lives that they could show affection to. Gabriel's words.
Fria then turned her bright eyes to Aurelius. There was a sudden curiosity in those dark green orbs of hers. A wide grin grew on her face as she looked back at Cade.
"You go—" Fria shrieked like she was about to implode.
Cade shook her head profusely and used a deep voice to make things clear. "No, no!"
"Oh, I knew it," Fria said with a gasp. "And look at him! He's so tall. I bet he's stro—"
It seemed like Cade almost shoved her palm inside the woman's mouth completely. She then looked at Aurelius, who was nervously chuckling at the side. He just wanted to go practice materialization somewhere quiet, but now he had imaginary daggers threatening to pierce his soul.
Cade then looked the woman in the eyes. "He's 16. And I'm not like that, so would you shut up? I'm too tired for this right now."
The woman raised her hands and mumbled something into the palm pressed against her mouth. By that time, Aurelius had performed a vanishing trick.
Cade heaved a sight before putting on a serious expression as she let go of Fria.
Fria settled down as well, and her gaze got firm. "What have you got for me?"
"A few hundred gold," Cade answered without hesitation.
Fria's eyes went wide, and it seemed like she was going to yell something when she leaned in and whispered, "What did you do? I can't take that amount."
"I sold some enhancers. And you're going to take the money. It's untraceable, I assure you. Hide it somewhere safe," Cade responded without worry.
"Enhancers?" Fria said aversely, but fortunately she didn't start a lecture. "But what do I spend it on? I already have enough saved up to provide the kids with all the necessities for years to come, thanks to you. What do you want me to do?"
"Provide it for more years to come. And for better education. Give the kids the opportunities they should have. And if there's still money left over, give it to others in need."
"Fine, but you should stop endangering yourself like this. We already have enough."
"Yeah, well, I'll think about it. But my duty is to keep this place standing, and I'll do so until my dying breath," Cade said, determination in her eyes. "You never know when that's going to be, so it's better for you to have too much than too little."
***
Despite looking for a quiet spot, Aurelius found himself interacting with some of the kids, who were really interested in pulling out strands of his hair. It was fun before there were tens of kids there, all pulling at his hair. After that, it turned into some type of tag game.
However, against Aurelius' wishes, they didn't stay at the orphanage for long. Cade gave Fria the banknotes, and they left. They proceeded to continue their travels through the night in roughly the direction they had come from.
As the sun started to rise, they finally arrived.
"What is this place?" Aurelius asked as he looked at the building before him. The house was seemingly two stories high and had pristine white walls and sharp architecture. The door was dark wood, and the windows were so finely made that one wouldn't even have known they were there if not for the light being reflected off of them.
"It's my friend's house," Cade answered.
Aurelius looked at Cade confusedly. He didn't even have to say anything before she answered.
"She's also from the orphanage."
"How did she afford this house, then?"
"She's smart, and she doesn't give up," Cade explained as she took out a hidden key. "And she happens to be a criminal."
She opened the door. It was the finest house Aurelius had ever seen. The floors were clean to the point of mirroring the sunlight that shone through the windows.
"There's a guest room upstairs. Go get some sleep," Cade said.
"What about you? Aren't you a guest, too?" Aurelius asked as Cade walked away.
"I've got my own room," She said over her shoulder.
***
For some reason, Aurelius wasn't tired. He tried to sleep for a while but gave up, deciding to head into the backyard instead.
There he had his hands together with a thin, ethereal object in front of him. Materialization worked in odd ways. Supposedly, like all essence usage types, it had its own rules and regulations, but it was still a mess in Aurelius' eyes. He had started practicing it ever since he heard about it from Cade, but he hadn't made much progress since he had poured most of his attention into motionless magic. Not that that was going any better.
Sometimes he wondered if he really had any talent. Things seemed to blow up in his face when he believed in them the most. He also couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't taught sooner. If someone had told him about essence, he would probably be on Cade's level by now. Twelve years had been completely wasted.
The imaginary mass crumbled and faded. Aurelius couldn't grasp it. He grunted and pumped his fist with the intent to hit something, but stopped midway and just let it go, shaking his head.
"You really take your practice seriously."
Aurelius turned to Cade, who sat down beside him on a fully ethereal chair, made with no setups or anything.
"Tch. Yeah, just rub it in," Aurelius said, shifting his gaze.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to," Cade apologized. Aurelius wasn't sure about the authenticity of her words, though. There was rarely any variation in her tone. "I was just saying. You don't get emotional about much outside of essence. Why is that? Is it really that important to you that you can't focus on anything else?"
"Yes, it is. At least, I like to think that way. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing enough. Of course, I care about other stuff, but I think strength is the key to it all. For example, how can I save anyone if I'm not strong?"
"The key to everything, huh? You know, people who say that rarely think what it all entails. What about when you are finally strong enough? What will you do? Who will you save? How will you save them?" Cade asked and waited a little for an answer. A couple seconds passed before she continued. "It's frighteningly common for people to chase one thing and one thing only without really thinking farther. It seems absurd, but I think it has something to do with how humans are fundamentally wired. We always want to be chasing something. Always something better. It doesn't even matter if that thing exists. We do it anyway. Even I, despite my consciousness of the matter, do it to an extent."
"Ah, right," Aurelius responded, scratching his head.
Cade sighed and stood up, the chair vanishing. She walked forward and began to speak with her back to Aurelius as she looked to the sky. "Do you see me as a monster?" she asked.
Aurelius furrowed his brows. "Ah, oh, no. Of course not," he said, stumbling over his words.
"You're just saying that because I'm teaching you, right?" Cade said with a light chuckle.
Aurelius put his hand on the seat of his chair. "No, I just... You just want to help the people at the orphanage, so how is that bad? You're doing what you can to better the world."
"Mmm, Aurelius, tell me, have you ever killed anyone?" Her tone was deeper.
"I've killed some animals. And that beast, too."
"No, no. Have you ever killed a person? A living, breathing human being."
Aurelius shrunk. "Ah, no. Never."
"Do you think you will?"
"I hope not. But if it's necessary, I'll do it." Aurelius said.
"I don't know if you should. There are things in this world that no one should experience. Killing is one of them."
"How horrible is it?"
"That's the thing." Cade turned to look Aurelius in the eyes. "It's not."
Aurelius leaned back and let out a mumble mixed with an exhalation, "What?"
"It's addicting. When you take the life of a horrible person and put out the light in them, you know that person will never hurt anyone again. It's so easy and rewarding. It's something like a drug. You do it, and suddenly there's an indescribable satisfaction. But afterward, you feel dirty. And that's dirt that doesn't wash off. It's dirt on your soul."
Aurelius' mouth was dry, like it was filled with sand. "But you're doing the right thing, aren't you?"
Cade squatted down and dug her nails into the dirt, shifting her gaze to the ground. "No. Not the right thing. Maybe the right intention, but not the right thing. Taking a life is never something virtuous. It carries an aura of negativity, no matter what."
Aurelius gulped and licked the dry inside his mouth. "How do you do it, then? How do you deal with it?"
"I just do it. I don't think about it much. It's just commands I make to my body, and my body does the killing. Then I go on to look people in the eyes, and sometimes they don't look human. They seem like simple animals. Like walking bags of meat. Something you'd find in a butchery that has, for some reason, gained consciousness. Then I can't help but think of how easy it would be to just kill them. I think about it all the time." Cade stood back up and let the dirt in his hand slip through his fingers. The dirt was dry and flowed like sand. "I have dreams about it. All the time, I can't get it out of my head. Sometimes I wake up and... I want to hurt myself. I'm not sure that I deserve to live."
Cade looked to Aurelius. He had been holding his breath and only exhaled after she finished. However, he couldn't get a word out.
Cade looked down. Aurelius could recognize regret in her eyes. He also noticed something for the first time. The underneaths of Cade's eyes were sagging. Had they always been like that?
"The orphanage helped, though," Cade said, looking at the building on their side. "After my mother died, I kind of just wandered around. Fria took me in. Things have been rough. Not enough food or water. I had a chance to help. The people at the orphanage gave me a chance to provide something to this world." Cade looked to Aurelius. She pursed her lips and rubbed her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just dump all of this on you."
"Ah, it's nothing," Aurelius finally managed to say.
"I'll stop bothering your practice now." Cade turned toward the house in order to head back inside. Then she stopped to say, "Aurelius, I'm not sure how you'll be forced to handle things in the future, and I'm not saying my judgment of myself will apply to you if you ever do kill a person. Just... don't become like me."
"Ah, okay." Aurelius said, scratching his arm and blinking irregularly. Then he caused Cade to stop. "Wait. Um, Cade... I don't think you should suffer. So please... don't hurt yourself."
Cade turned back and smiled faintly before going inside.
