I was awoken by Leal’s hurried nudges on my shoulder. I must have fallen asleep some time ago. A heavy weight pulled on my shoulders as I sat up. I looked down only to remember the rain-jacket Leal had given me before I fell asleep. It was a big thing, one of Leal’s old ones that she had outgrown. Of course, on me that meant it fell far past my feet, dragging along the ground behind me when I walked. She gave it to me to protect from the rain. I don’t know how effective it would be, but I appreciated the protection. Anything is better than nothing, and this thing was large enough to wrap myself completely. It wouldn’t be close to having a ger ready for protection, but I hoped it would work well enough.
The sound of conversation rose from the main area of the house, looking towards Leal, I figured that was probably why she woke me. She looked a mix of angry and scared, and it didn’t take me too long to figure out why. The voices I could hear were Calysta’s and Gloria’s. Tension filled my body. I could already tell she was angry. Their raised voices broke easily through the walls dividing us.
I had hoped Gloria wouldn’t be mad. I had hoped she would understand. Of course, I would want to go with Leal after not seeing her for a long time. I knew it was impossible to avoid, but I didn’t want to see Gloria, not while she’s angry. I brought my knees up to my chest sat against the wall. Maybe they wouldn’t make me come out. Maybe Gloria will go away, or calm down, or maybe even let me stay. It was unlikely, but I could always hope.
“What in Deivos’ name is she doing here?” Leal hissed. “Mum didn’t bring her here, did she?”
The voices in the other room stop, and not long after, Calysta opens the door to Leal’s room. Her eyes land on me before softening.
“Solvei, honey, we should talk. Please come out with us.” She says.
I didn’t want to; I want to hide away from Gloria, but I know doing that would just make things worse. It always did. So I nod and got off the bed, following her out the door. I have to tie the tail of the jacket away from my legs to not trip. Leal falls in line beside me, looking as worried as I feel.
As I walk into the main room, I could tell Gloria was furious. She kept a polite smile plastered on her face and held her body in a passive, non-aggressive pose, but her eyes burned into me. Unable to hold her gaze, I turned my head down.
“Solvei, I’m so glad you’re alright. When I noticed you had disappeared, I thought the worst had happened.”
“Huh?” I looked up. She was never this nice. I shiver as I look into her eyes. She was still furious at me but kept that sickly sweet smile of insincere relief held tight.
“Come now Solvei, it’s time for us to leave.” Gloria said, holding out a hand towards me.
I give an uncertain glance towards Leal. I don’t want to leave, but I feel like I have no choice, so I give in and step towards her.
“Hold on just a moment,” Calysta interrupts, “you still haven't told us why you lied about Solvei, Gloria.”
Gloria snarls, the sharp teeth of the ursu openly displayed, before she attempts to hide her expression with her hand.
“I didn’t lie. Solvei here showed up at my door a while back asking for a place to hide, and I did my best to make sure she was comfortable, without alerting the authorities.” She claimed, then looked down on me. “Isn’t that right, Solvei?”
I was too nervous to go against Gloria, so I just stood there fidgeting with the cuffs of Leal’s old rain-jacket.
“Well?” Gloria taps her foot, some of her fury leaking through her words.
I nodded quickly to appease her. I wasn’t looking forward to having to face her anger later. I could only hope she would be lenient.
“Your story doesn’t even make sense! How could she have gotten here by herself?” Leal says.
Gloria only scoffed in response.
“Please Gloria, we are friends, aren’t we?” Calysta pleads. “You can trust me. Please, just tell us the truth.”
Gloria doesn’t hide her snarl this time. She takes a step towards me, snatches my arm and drags me out the front door. I struggle to hold myself up by my toes as I dangle from her grip.
“I’ve had enough of this charade. We are going.”
Leal jumps on her arm and tries to free me from Gloria’s grasp. “I won’t let you take her. She’s not your slave.”
Gloria, with the massive weight difference, brushes Leal off. She stops after a moment, allowing me to steady myself.
“I can do whatever I want with her. She is my property and I will not let a child stop me.”
“Property?” That can’t be how she thinks of me. She cares about me, right? She protected me.
“What has happened to you, Gloria? You never used to be like this.” Calysta lamented. “I won’t let you toy with a child’s life. You aren’t taking her!” Calysta moved to block Gloria’s path.
As I look up, I see Gloria’s eyes glaring into Calysta. The rage she felt no longer hidden was almost palpable in the air between us. Her eyes flickered to me, her lips twisting into a nasty smirk.
“Well, if you want her so much, go ahead.” Suddenly, I found myself thrown onto the stone brickwork of the road. A short patronising laugh escaped Gloria’s chest as she strolls away.
“I hope you enjoy your time with the little burner while you can.” She said to the two. Turning to me she continued, “as for you, well, I’m sure you’ll be happy to see your barbarian tribe soon enough.” With her last words given, she ambles down the street. The echo of her steps the only sound to be heard.
I’m helped to my feet by Leal. She looks anything but happy about the situation. I feel numb. I am confused and don’t know what to think. Leal looks worried and waits until Gloria is out of sight before she speaks.
“You won’t be able to stay here anymore.” She says.
It seems her mum agrees. “Yes, she’s probably going to the chairman’s office. If we are lucky, we’ll have an hour before the cheka come.”
“I’m gonna take Solvei somewhere she can hide for a bit.” Leal said to her mother.
“Okay. Get back as quick as possible. You’ll need to be here when they come, we’ll have a better chance that way.”
Taking that as an invitation, Leal grabs my hand and pulls me down the street.
I try to run beside her, but she is moving too fast. I’m tripping over my own feet just as my mind trips over the words cycling in my head. Gloria’s words kept playing on loop, trying to find reason behind them. I didn’t want to believe she thought that way. I wanted there to be a mistake or some sort of misunderstanding or anything to explain the words she used. I was property? Is that really how she thought of me? It can’t be.
I was too lost in my head and barely noticed when Leal had picked me up. I must’ve been going too slow for her. I’m sorry, I tell her, but the words don’t reach my lips.
After a few minutes of running, I’m met with the view of the mage academy. It’s just as I remember it from when Leal and I were in Fisross.
Wait…
On closer inspection, I can see some slight differences from what I remember in the carvings of the building back in Fisross, but otherwise, the building is identical. The large circular central building with the dome on top. Even the four peripheral towers look the same as in Fisross.
Leal carries me straight through the front doors, running straight up the stairs and into the library, which of course, looks the same as the last. Although I notice the bookshelves are filled more than back in Fisross. Leal drops me on the same little balcony we used last time. No, not the same, I remind myself.
Leal holds my shoulders and makes me look into her eyes.
“Solvy, I’ll be back as soon as I can, alright. There shouldn’t be anyone who would come here anymore, but please be careful and hide unless you are sure it’s me. I’ll be back, okay?”
I don’t trust myself to form the proper words, so I just nod my assent.
Leal doesn’t wait a moment more. Before I realise it, I am alone again.
Silently, I lean back in the far too large chair. My legs dangle below, and my head barely reaches the table above. I try my best, but I can’t stop my thoughts from wondering. I don’t want to, but my mind keeps returning to Gloria’s words.
‘Property.’
I don’t want to believe it.
‘She is my property.’
She couldn’t think that way, right?
‘I can do whatever I want with her.’
No! She protected me. She kept me safe while surrounded by danger. I pull my legs to my chest and hug them as I tried to remember all the times she had helped me and protected me.
She kept me safe from the rain by allowing me to stay in the furnace. She gave me a place to stay when I needed it, giving up space in her home for me. Well, she did until we moved to Morne, but her parents didn’t have enough space for another body. She protected me from the anger of the ursu as their hate festered. Well, except for the times when they found me in the furnace, but I’m sure there was nothing she could have done about that, anyway.
That list was… admittedly, not as impressive as I had thought, but I’m sure there were things she helped me with or protected me from that I didn’t know about. She did always tell me she was doing things for my benefit. Although I never understood how much of the things she did would help me.
The line of thought did not help as I hoped it would. If… if she didn’t protect me as much as I thought she did, then why did I believe that? What made me think she did everything for my sake? Why did she always tell me it was all for my sake?
I didn’t like where my thoughts were taking me. I tried to change course to why she had lied to Leal and me. Why didn’t she tell us we were in the same city? After the last time I’d seen Leal, Gloria said she was being sent to war. But that never happened. Leal was still living with her mum right now. Why would Gloria lie about that?
I had spent so long worrying about Leal. I was scared she might get hurt or die. Now I know she said a similar thing about me to Leal and Calysta. The only reason I could think of was that she had intentionally tried to separate us, but why?
When Calysta showed she was willing to protect me, Gloria had almost immediately given up on me. I hadn’t paid attention to it at the time, but she abandoned me then, didn’t she? Did she decide I wasn’t worth keeping around anymore? I had tried my hardest to do my part and repay her kindness in the past months. Did she think that was worthless? I put a lot of effort into keeping that furnace going non-stop. It had become even harder when I had to strain myself with less coal than I needed to keep it going. Gloria had always told me it was the minimum I could do to pay her back for helping her, but what had she actually done to help me?
A tinge of heat fills my chest as I recall the word she spoke.
‘Property.’
She did, didn’t she? She considered me her property? She had me working day and night without end, and I just believed her!
Indignant fury boiled within me. How could I be so stupid? Why did I just do everything she said as if it was obvious that I had to repay her for her generosity? I scoffed aloud. What generosity? Thinking back, even during our first meeting, she planned to make me work for her. She jumped at the opportunity to take me in when she realised I was an áed. She was planning to put me under her thumb since day one.
I didn’t know who I was madder at, her for doing this to me, or myself for being foolish enough to fall for it harder than a sand-worm biting an angler.
She didn’t want to keep me safe from the rain. That was just another reason to keep me confined to the furnace. And I’m sure she was oh so happy when the common sentiment became so ursu-supremacist. It made me fear leaving the oven, for any reason. I truly didn’t think I could leave. I had begun to believe the furnace was the only place where I wouldn’t die some horrible death.
She manipulated me. How had I not realised before? The frustration and fury festered within me. I was too late to realise my control had slipped. The searing heat within me roiled, and I felt hot for the first time in my life. The intense combustion explodes from my chest, incinerating the table and chairs. Before I knew it, the bookcases and walls around me were engulfed in flames.
I knew I should try to extinguish them, but the flames reacted to my fury and my form devolved. I was too far lost within my self-loathing and newfound hate for Gloria. I wanted to burn down everything she cared for. And, with that thought, I descend the stairs. I care little about anything but the object of my rancour as I step out onto the street. I walk in full view for any eye to see, ignoring the roaring blaze behind me.
I was awoken by Leal’s hurried nudges on my shoulder. I must have fallen asleep some time ago. A heavy weight pulled on my shoulders as I sat up. I looked down only to remember the rain-jacket Leal had given me before I fell asleep. It was a big thing, one of Leal’s old ones that she had outgrown. Of course, on me that meant it fell far past my feet, dragging along the ground behind me when I walked. She gave it to me to protect from the rain. I don’t know how effective it would be, but I appreciated the protection. Anything is better than nothing, and this thing was large enough to wrap myself completely. It wouldn’t be close to having a ger ready for protection, but I hoped it would work well enough.
The sound of conversation rose from the main area of the house, looking towards Leal, I figured that was probably why she woke me. She looked a mix of angry and scared, and it didn’t take me too long to figure out why. The voices I could hear were Calysta’s and Gloria’s. Tension filled my body. I could already tell she was angry. Their raised voices broke easily through the walls dividing us.
I had hoped Gloria wouldn’t be mad. I had hoped she would understand. Of course, I would want to go with Leal after not seeing her for a long time. I knew it was impossible to avoid, but I didn’t want to see Gloria, not while she’s angry. I brought my knees up to my chest sat against the wall. Maybe they wouldn’t make me come out. Maybe Gloria will go away, or calm down, or maybe even let me stay. It was unlikely, but I could always hope.
“What in Deivos’ name is she doing here?” Leal hissed. “Mum didn’t bring her here, did she?”
The voices in the other room stop, and not long after, Calysta opens the door to Leal’s room. Her eyes land on me before softening.
“Solvei, honey, we should talk. Please come out with us.” She says.
I didn’t want to; I want to hide away from Gloria, but I know doing that would just make things worse. It always did. So I nod and got off the bed, following her out the door. I have to tie the tail of the jacket away from my legs to not trip. Leal falls in line beside me, looking as worried as I feel.
As I walk into the main room, I could tell Gloria was furious. She kept a polite smile plastered on her face and held her body in a passive, non-aggressive pose, but her eyes burned into me. Unable to hold her gaze, I turned my head down.
“Solvei, I’m so glad you’re alright. When I noticed you had disappeared, I thought the worst had happened.”
“Huh?” I looked up. She was never this nice. I shiver as I look into her eyes. She was still furious at me but kept that sickly sweet smile of insincere relief held tight.
“Come now Solvei, it’s time for us to leave.” Gloria said, holding out a hand towards me.
I give an uncertain glance towards Leal. I don’t want to leave, but I feel like I have no choice, so I give in and step towards her.
“Hold on just a moment,” Calysta interrupts, “you still haven't told us why you lied about Solvei, Gloria.”
Gloria snarls, the sharp teeth of the ursu openly displayed, before she attempts to hide her expression with her hand.
“I didn’t lie. Solvei here showed up at my door a while back asking for a place to hide, and I did my best to make sure she was comfortable, without alerting the authorities.” She claimed, then looked down on me. “Isn’t that right, Solvei?”
I was too nervous to go against Gloria, so I just stood there fidgeting with the cuffs of Leal’s old rain-jacket.
“Well?” Gloria taps her foot, some of her fury leaking through her words.
I nodded quickly to appease her. I wasn’t looking forward to having to face her anger later. I could only hope she would be lenient.
“Your story doesn’t even make sense! How could she have gotten here by herself?” Leal says.
Gloria only scoffed in response.
“Please Gloria, we are friends, aren’t we?” Calysta pleads. “You can trust me. Please, just tell us the truth.”
Gloria doesn’t hide her snarl this time. She takes a step towards me, snatches my arm and drags me out the front door. I struggle to hold myself up by my toes as I dangle from her grip.
“I’ve had enough of this charade. We are going.”
Leal jumps on her arm and tries to free me from Gloria’s grasp. “I won’t let you take her. She’s not your slave.”
Gloria, with the massive weight difference, brushes Leal off. She stops after a moment, allowing me to steady myself.
“I can do whatever I want with her. She is my property and I will not let a child stop me.”
“Property?” That can’t be how she thinks of me. She cares about me, right? She protected me.
“What has happened to you, Gloria? You never used to be like this.” Calysta lamented. “I won’t let you toy with a child’s life. You aren’t taking her!” Calysta moved to block Gloria’s path.
As I look up, I see Gloria’s eyes glaring into Calysta. The rage she felt no longer hidden was almost palpable in the air between us. Her eyes flickered to me, her lips twisting into a nasty smirk.
“Well, if you want her so much, go ahead.” Suddenly, I found myself thrown onto the stone brickwork of the road. A short patronising laugh escaped Gloria’s chest as she strolls away.
“I hope you enjoy your time with the little burner while you can.” She said to the two. Turning to me she continued, “as for you, well, I’m sure you’ll be happy to see your barbarian tribe soon enough.” With her last words given, she ambles down the street. The echo of her steps the only sound to be heard.
I’m helped to my feet by Leal. She looks anything but happy about the situation. I feel numb. I am confused and don’t know what to think. Leal looks worried and waits until Gloria is out of sight before she speaks.
“You won’t be able to stay here anymore.” She says.
It seems her mum agrees. “Yes, she’s probably going to the chairman’s office. If we are lucky, we’ll have an hour before the cheka come.”
“I’m gonna take Solvei somewhere she can hide for a bit.” Leal said to her mother.
“Okay. Get back as quick as possible. You’ll need to be here when they come, we’ll have a better chance that way.”
Taking that as an invitation, Leal grabs my hand and pulls me down the street.
I try to run beside her, but she is moving too fast. I’m tripping over my own feet just as my mind trips over the words cycling in my head. Gloria’s words kept playing on loop, trying to find reason behind them. I didn’t want to believe she thought that way. I wanted there to be a mistake or some sort of misunderstanding or anything to explain the words she used. I was property? Is that really how she thought of me? It can’t be.
I was too lost in my head and barely noticed when Leal had picked me up. I must’ve been going too slow for her. I’m sorry, I tell her, but the words don’t reach my lips.
After a few minutes of running, I’m met with the view of the mage academy. It’s just as I remember it from when Leal and I were in Fisross.
Wait…
On closer inspection, I can see some slight differences from what I remember in the carvings of the building back in Fisross, but otherwise, the building is identical. The large circular central building with the dome on top. Even the four peripheral towers look the same as in Fisross.
Leal carries me straight through the front doors, running straight up the stairs and into the library, which of course, looks the same as the last. Although I notice the bookshelves are filled more than back in Fisross. Leal drops me on the same little balcony we used last time. No, not the same, I remind myself.
Leal holds my shoulders and makes me look into her eyes.
“Solvy, I’ll be back as soon as I can, alright. There shouldn’t be anyone who would come here anymore, but please be careful and hide unless you are sure it’s me. I’ll be back, okay?”
I don’t trust myself to form the proper words, so I just nod my assent.
Leal doesn’t wait a moment more. Before I realise it, I am alone again.
Silently, I lean back in the far too large chair. My legs dangle below, and my head barely reaches the table above. I try my best, but I can’t stop my thoughts from wondering. I don’t want to, but my mind keeps returning to Gloria’s words.
‘Property.’
I don’t want to believe it.
‘She is my property.’
She couldn’t think that way, right?
‘I can do whatever I want with her.’
No! She protected me. She kept me safe while surrounded by danger. I pull my legs to my chest and hug them as I tried to remember all the times she had helped me and protected me.
She kept me safe from the rain by allowing me to stay in the furnace. She gave me a place to stay when I needed it, giving up space in her home for me. Well, she did until we moved to Morne, but her parents didn’t have enough space for another body. She protected me from the anger of the ursu as their hate festered. Well, except for the times when they found me in the furnace, but I’m sure there was nothing she could have done about that, anyway.
That list was… admittedly, not as impressive as I had thought, but I’m sure there were things she helped me with or protected me from that I didn’t know about. She did always tell me she was doing things for my benefit. Although I never understood how much of the things she did would help me.
The line of thought did not help as I hoped it would. If… if she didn’t protect me as much as I thought she did, then why did I believe that? What made me think she did everything for my sake? Why did she always tell me it was all for my sake?
I didn’t like where my thoughts were taking me. I tried to change course to why she had lied to Leal and me. Why didn’t she tell us we were in the same city? After the last time I’d seen Leal, Gloria said she was being sent to war. But that never happened. Leal was still living with her mum right now. Why would Gloria lie about that?
I had spent so long worrying about Leal. I was scared she might get hurt or die. Now I know she said a similar thing about me to Leal and Calysta. The only reason I could think of was that she had intentionally tried to separate us, but why?
When Calysta showed she was willing to protect me, Gloria had almost immediately given up on me. I hadn’t paid attention to it at the time, but she abandoned me then, didn’t she? Did she decide I wasn’t worth keeping around anymore? I had tried my hardest to do my part and repay her kindness in the past months. Did she think that was worthless? I put a lot of effort into keeping that furnace going non-stop. It had become even harder when I had to strain myself with less coal than I needed to keep it going. Gloria had always told me it was the minimum I could do to pay her back for helping her, but what had she actually done to help me?
A tinge of heat fills my chest as I recall the word she spoke.
‘Property.’
She did, didn’t she? She considered me her property? She had me working day and night without end, and I just believed her!
Indignant fury boiled within me. How could I be so stupid? Why did I just do everything she said as if it was obvious that I had to repay her for her generosity? I scoffed aloud. What generosity? Thinking back, even during our first meeting, she planned to make me work for her. She jumped at the opportunity to take me in when she realised I was an áed. She was planning to put me under her thumb since day one.
I didn’t know who I was madder at, her for doing this to me, or myself for being foolish enough to fall for it harder than a sand-worm biting an angler.
She didn’t want to keep me safe from the rain. That was just another reason to keep me confined to the furnace. And I’m sure she was oh so happy when the common sentiment became so ursu-supremacist. It made me fear leaving the oven, for any reason. I truly didn’t think I could leave. I had begun to believe the furnace was the only place where I wouldn’t die some horrible death.
She manipulated me. How had I not realised before? The frustration and fury festered within me. I was too late to realise my control had slipped. The searing heat within me roiled, and I felt hot for the first time in my life. The intense combustion explodes from my chest, incinerating the table and chairs. Before I knew it, the bookcases and walls around me were engulfed in flames.
I knew I should try to extinguish them, but the flames reacted to my fury and my form devolved. I was too far lost within my self-loathing and newfound hate for Gloria. I wanted to burn down everything she cared for. And, with that thought, I descend the stairs. I care little about anything but the object of my rancour as I step out onto the street. I walk in full view for any eye to see, ignoring the roaring blaze behind me.
