"Sarah," I asked as I set about preparing dinner for the three of us. "May I ask you a personal question?"
She was behind me, sitting at the table with a drink. With my back to her I couldn't see her expression but the engineer took a deep breath, then replied in a semi-serious tone.
"Yes I think you're hot, but before we agree to start dating we should ask the captain about the ship's policies on crew relationships."
My face was bright red as I spun around to stare at her in shock. I coughed and sputtered, "That's not... I wasn't... I didn't...!"
She looked back at me with sad eyes and a pout on her lips as she asked, "You mean you're not into me? Don't you think I'm pretty?"
If it were possible for a brain to crash and reboot, mine would have done it then and there. I didn't know how to respond, how to react, what to say.
Fortunately Sarah's sad rejected look dissolved into giggles as she finally dropped the act.
I leaned back against the counter and it took another few seconds before I was able to form an articulate response. Her latest tease reminded me of what she said earlier, and it left me worried that maybe she was struggling.
"Are you still doing ok?" I asked. "It wasn't that long ago you told me you used jokes and teasing as a defence or coping strategy..."
Sarah had a gulp of her drink then grimaced, "Sorry Amanda. I should have realized telling you that would give you something else to stress over. Yeah I use it to help me deal sometimes? But that doesn't mean every single joke or tease is a cry for help, ok?"
I left the food prep for now then sat across from her at the table.
"You're sure you're doing all right though?" I asked again.
The engineer sighed, "I assume you're worried about me having some kind of psychological problems right? Like maybe I'd be depressed, or whatever the medical term is for freaking out. And yeah, I get that concern. I went from a near-fatal injury in the Hammersmith's engine room to waking up on a strange ship and in a body that's more suitable for my granddaughter than myself."
Rather than interrupt I gave her a quiet nodd and continued to listen.
Sarah started idly playing with a lock of her long blonde hair again as she continued, "Like I said, me and Jenny talked for about a half hour up front, then we had another long conversation towards the end of it. She didn't know what happened to the Hammersmith or how I came to be in her care, but she told me what my situation was and what my options were. And she warned me about the limitations, and how it could mess with my head to wake up in a body so different from what I was used to. I guess that's what you're worried about now too right?"
"Yes," I nodded. "I know what that's like, I lived it for most of my life. The healing tube was like a dream come true for me, but I can imagine it's probably the opposite for you."
She continued twirling some hair around a finger as she shrugged, "It's not that bad. It's not like a living nightmare or anything, if that's what you're worried about? It's different, it's an adjustment, but I'm dealing with it. And like I said, me and Jenny talked a lot before and after. At first she was as worried about me as you are? But in the end, she said she figured I'd be all right."
The engineer went quiet for a moment, and she frowned as she stared at the coil of hair she had wrapped around her finger.
"I don't think I'm like you if that's what you're wondering," she finally said as she looked up at me again. "I didn't want this, I definitely wouldn't have gone out of my way to get it. Like I said, I didn't really have a choice? I mean, I had a choice of what I'd look like as a girl, but the girl part was inevitable. That or death right? And now that I'm here..."
Her voice trailed off a moment then she shrugged, "It's not that bad. If the opportunity came up for me to go back I might still take it? Although I won't lie, there's some things about this body I really like. I'm a lot more flexible than I ever was before, and small enough to fit into tight places. So I can access parts of the ship, the engines and such that I never could have got to before. Not to mention the renewed youth and health is a bonus as well, same with the genetic enhancements Piper mentioned."
"And the long hair is a lot more fun than I ever imagined," she added with a grin.
Her expression quickly became serious again as she continued, "Don't get me wrong, there's still times when I do feel uncomfortable? But those moments are fading, and they've been happening a lot less often. Like the first time I had to use the head was a bit weird, but after that was fine. Same with showers? The first one was strange but it's been ok since then."
She added with another shrug, "Who knows, maybe I'll even come to prefer this? Like I said, it's definitely got some advantages over the old body. If the option to go back ever does come along, maybe I won't want to take it after all. It's the kind of thing I'd love to talk to Piper about, to see how she feels? Considering it's almost three decades since she first used the Re/Gen herself."
I nodded slowly as I took in what she was telling me. On the one hand it was a bit of relief that Sarah didn't seem to be dealing with much dysphoria or depression. On the other hand I was left wondering if there was more to it, if the AI did anything else to help Sarah accept her situation.
In the end I decided I needed to speak with Jenny next.
"All right Sarah," I said as I got to my feet. "I'm sorry I keep bugging you about this stuff, but..."
She smiled, "It's ok Amanda. Like I said earlier, I don't mind you worrying about me. It's cute. And I promise, if I do feel like I need help with any of this, I'll talk to you about it. Ok?"
I smiled back, then finally returned to the food I left on the counter.
That was the last of the conversation for a while, and I had dinner ready by the time our captain came up from the lower deck. Sarah was curious to know how Piper and Jenny got on, and that was the topic of discussion as we ate together.
I mostly kept out of it, but from the sound of things the Demeter might have a fourth crew member before too long. Piper wanted to sleep on it before making her final decision, but she seemed just about ready to let Sarah plug the Re/Gen AI directly into the ship's systems.
The only thing I had to say on the subject was that I wanted to speak with Jenny myself. So after the three of us finished dinner I excused myself and headed down to the lower deck to meet with the AI alone.
The portable terminal was still open and active, sitting on top of the big black cylinder. Jenny's image was on the screen but at first it almost looked like she was asleep or offline, until I came into view of the terminal's built-in camera.
At that point she came to life. She smiled and greeted me, "Hello Amanda. Is this to be another private interview?"
"I suppose so," I replied.
Rather than waste time with small-talk I just dove in and asked, "Did you do anything to Sarah, to help her adjust or accept her situation? Is that neural link of yours strictly limited to communication, or can it do other things too?"
Jenny's smile faded as she became serious. "You're worried I modified some aspect of Lieutenant Holloway's mind or personality, so she'd more readily accept her new self?"
"That's what I'm asking," I stated. "Did you? Is that something you're capable of doing?"
The AI sighed, "My neural link is not limited to communication. In certain specific circumstances, it can be used to help heal damage and trauma to the brain. Making changes to someone's mind or personality without their consent would be a terrible violation, not to mention highly unethical. Even with consent it's a questionable practice, and it was never part of the Re/Gen protocol. In other words, we were never designed to do that."
She paused as if for a deep breath, then stated "I'll be blunt Amanda. Like I told you the first time we met, Re/Gen capsules are not 'healing pods'. We were never intended for use the way Captain Piper has been using me. However, I believe all life is valuable and important, especially sentient life. As such, I felt obligated to try and help Sarah. Even if that meant violating some of my protocols."
"As for you," she continued, "I could tell how much you needed this so of course I did what I could to help."
I forced myself not to get side-tracked as I asked "So what exactly are you saying? Did you do something to Sarah or not?"
The AI shook her head, "I didn't need to. If you've spent time with her, I'm sure you've noticed Lieutenant Holloway is a very pragmatic individual? In my conversations with her I determined that she would find a way to cope and adapt to her new circumstances without any additional help. Perhaps being an engineer played a part in that? She understood that her original body was at the end of its operating life and damaged beyond repair, so she accepted that the best option was to transfer to a new body. Even if that new body was a very different make and model from what she was used to."
I was relieved to hear that, though I still had concerns about the whole situation. And it led me to another important question.
"Why are all your templates female in the first place? Why wasn't there an option to let Sarah stay who she was, or at least an option to let her remain a man?"
Jenny sighed. She actually looked uncomfortable, as if pained by my questions. The way she displayed emotions almost made it hard for me to remember I was talking to a computer program rather than an actual living being.
It took her another moment or so before she finally responded, and her tone reflected the discomfort on her face. "Once again Amanda, I'm not a 'healing pod' and I don't use the term 'templates'. There are thirty-seven body files stored in my records, and they are not generic templates meant to be used by just anyone in need of medical attention. Those body files belonged to the crew of the ship I was originally assigned to. It was an all-female crew, that is why I do not have any male files."
"I'm a field unit," the AI explained. "I lack the hardware to do a body intake scan. My purpose was to maintain the crew of my original ship. Their bodies were scanned elsewhere, those scans loaded into my database when I was brought on-line after installation."
She sighed again and continued, "The first time Captain Piper attempted to use me I found out that my ship was wrecked, my crew were dead, and I'd spent hundreds of years offline and adrift before she salvaged me. She was dying and I was her only hope. It was against my programming and a violation of my design protocols, but I used someone else's body file to save her life. I did that again for Lieutenant Holloway, and I did it a third time to grant you a gender-affirming form."
That took me another few seconds to process. And it was starting to feel like every answer she gave me led to still more questions.
"So my body belongs to one of your crew?" I asked quietly. "I'm literally in someone else's body?"
Jenny nodded slightly, she looked sad as she replied "That's correct Amanda. I won't divulge any of their names or personal information, but yours originally belonged to the first officer of my previous ship. She didn't always have the vulpine enhancements, but they were her favourite modification."
Yet again I was left feeling uncomfortable, but I wasn't even sure how to categorize my emotions. Knowing I was now walking around in the cloned body of someone who presumably died a few hundred years ago... I had no frame of reference, no words to describe how I felt.
After a few moments I pushed on to my next question.
"How can you go against your programming? I don't understand how that's possible."
Jenny looked slightly awkward as she responded, "I'm not a mere computer program. I'm an AI. I'm based on programs, on data, but I'm able to learn and adapt. I am more than the sum of my parts, Amanda. Some even argue that those like me are sentient, that we're an emergent form of life. We're able to think, to imagine, and we're able to act independently and on our own initiative."
"Otherwise," she added sadly, "I would not have been able to help you. I would not have been able to save Sarah's life. I wouldn't even have been able to save Captain Piper."
That left me dealing with even more uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. If she was sentient, if she really was a different kind of life, that sort of turned everything around in terms of how I viewed her. And unsurprisingly it led me to yet another question.
"Were you friends with the crew of your previous ship?"
She nodded sadly, "I was. Not just with the crew but with the ship's AI as well. My function was limited to the Re/Gen capsule, the ship's AI ran everything else. She was like a sister to me."
My next question must have been obvious because she answered it before I could ask, "A Re/Gen capsule needs an entire AI to operate it because biological bodies are complicated. A lot more complicated than just overseeing a couple engines and a few dozen sensors, or monitoring a few dozen pieces of equipment. Taking one of you apart and putting you back together again requires all my attention and focus, and it takes hours."
"Ok..." I knew it was probably going to take a while before I got my head around everything she'd told me, but for now I had one final question before I went back up to rejoin the others.
"Back to Sarah's situation. If we could somehow get you a male template file, then you could use that to give her a body she'd be more comfortable with?"
Jenny replied, "Of course. However I don't know where we could find a suitable body file. I don't know where I was made, nor do I know where my former ship originated. And Captain Piper has yet to encounter any other Re/Gen pods, or any similar or compatible technology."
With a sigh she added, "So far, it seems that I am unique in this sector."
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"Sarah," I asked as I set about preparing dinner for the three of us. "May I ask you a personal question?"
She was behind me, sitting at the table with a drink. With my back to her I couldn't see her expression but the engineer took a deep breath, then replied in a semi-serious tone.
"Yes I think you're hot, but before we agree to start dating we should ask the captain about the ship's policies on crew relationships."
My face was bright red as I spun around to stare at her in shock. I coughed and sputtered, "That's not... I wasn't... I didn't...!"
She looked back at me with sad eyes and a pout on her lips as she asked, "You mean you're not into me? Don't you think I'm pretty?"
If it were possible for a brain to crash and reboot, mine would have done it then and there. I didn't know how to respond, how to react, what to say.
Fortunately Sarah's sad rejected look dissolved into giggles as she finally dropped the act.
I leaned back against the counter and it took another few seconds before I was able to form an articulate response. Her latest tease reminded me of what she said earlier, and it left me worried that maybe she was struggling.
"Are you still doing ok?" I asked. "It wasn't that long ago you told me you used jokes and teasing as a defence or coping strategy..."
Sarah had a gulp of her drink then grimaced, "Sorry Amanda. I should have realized telling you that would give you something else to stress over. Yeah I use it to help me deal sometimes? But that doesn't mean every single joke or tease is a cry for help, ok?"
I left the food prep for now then sat across from her at the table.
"You're sure you're doing all right though?" I asked again.
The engineer sighed, "I assume you're worried about me having some kind of psychological problems right? Like maybe I'd be depressed, or whatever the medical term is for freaking out. And yeah, I get that concern. I went from a near-fatal injury in the Hammersmith's engine room to waking up on a strange ship and in a body that's more suitable for my granddaughter than myself."
Rather than interrupt I gave her a quiet nodd and continued to listen.
Sarah started idly playing with a lock of her long blonde hair again as she continued, "Like I said, me and Jenny talked for about a half hour up front, then we had another long conversation towards the end of it. She didn't know what happened to the Hammersmith or how I came to be in her care, but she told me what my situation was and what my options were. And she warned me about the limitations, and how it could mess with my head to wake up in a body so different from what I was used to. I guess that's what you're worried about now too right?"
"Yes," I nodded. "I know what that's like, I lived it for most of my life. The healing tube was like a dream come true for me, but I can imagine it's probably the opposite for you."
She continued twirling some hair around a finger as she shrugged, "It's not that bad. It's not like a living nightmare or anything, if that's what you're worried about? It's different, it's an adjustment, but I'm dealing with it. And like I said, me and Jenny talked a lot before and after. At first she was as worried about me as you are? But in the end, she said she figured I'd be all right."
The engineer went quiet for a moment, and she frowned as she stared at the coil of hair she had wrapped around her finger.
"I don't think I'm like you if that's what you're wondering," she finally said as she looked up at me again. "I didn't want this, I definitely wouldn't have gone out of my way to get it. Like I said, I didn't really have a choice? I mean, I had a choice of what I'd look like as a girl, but the girl part was inevitable. That or death right? And now that I'm here..."
Her voice trailed off a moment then she shrugged, "It's not that bad. If the opportunity came up for me to go back I might still take it? Although I won't lie, there's some things about this body I really like. I'm a lot more flexible than I ever was before, and small enough to fit into tight places. So I can access parts of the ship, the engines and such that I never could have got to before. Not to mention the renewed youth and health is a bonus as well, same with the genetic enhancements Piper mentioned."
"And the long hair is a lot more fun than I ever imagined," she added with a grin.
Her expression quickly became serious again as she continued, "Don't get me wrong, there's still times when I do feel uncomfortable? But those moments are fading, and they've been happening a lot less often. Like the first time I had to use the head was a bit weird, but after that was fine. Same with showers? The first one was strange but it's been ok since then."
She added with another shrug, "Who knows, maybe I'll even come to prefer this? Like I said, it's definitely got some advantages over the old body. If the option to go back ever does come along, maybe I won't want to take it after all. It's the kind of thing I'd love to talk to Piper about, to see how she feels? Considering it's almost three decades since she first used the Re/Gen herself."
I nodded slowly as I took in what she was telling me. On the one hand it was a bit of relief that Sarah didn't seem to be dealing with much dysphoria or depression. On the other hand I was left wondering if there was more to it, if the AI did anything else to help Sarah accept her situation.
In the end I decided I needed to speak with Jenny next.
"All right Sarah," I said as I got to my feet. "I'm sorry I keep bugging you about this stuff, but..."
She smiled, "It's ok Amanda. Like I said earlier, I don't mind you worrying about me. It's cute. And I promise, if I do feel like I need help with any of this, I'll talk to you about it. Ok?"
I smiled back, then finally returned to the food I left on the counter.
That was the last of the conversation for a while, and I had dinner ready by the time our captain came up from the lower deck. Sarah was curious to know how Piper and Jenny got on, and that was the topic of discussion as we ate together.
I mostly kept out of it, but from the sound of things the Demeter might have a fourth crew member before too long. Piper wanted to sleep on it before making her final decision, but she seemed just about ready to let Sarah plug the Re/Gen AI directly into the ship's systems.
The only thing I had to say on the subject was that I wanted to speak with Jenny myself. So after the three of us finished dinner I excused myself and headed down to the lower deck to meet with the AI alone.
The portable terminal was still open and active, sitting on top of the big black cylinder. Jenny's image was on the screen but at first it almost looked like she was asleep or offline, until I came into view of the terminal's built-in camera.
At that point she came to life. She smiled and greeted me, "Hello Amanda. Is this to be another private interview?"
"I suppose so," I replied.
Rather than waste time with small-talk I just dove in and asked, "Did you do anything to Sarah, to help her adjust or accept her situation? Is that neural link of yours strictly limited to communication, or can it do other things too?"
Jenny's smile faded as she became serious. "You're worried I modified some aspect of Lieutenant Holloway's mind or personality, so she'd more readily accept her new self?"
"That's what I'm asking," I stated. "Did you? Is that something you're capable of doing?"
The AI sighed, "My neural link is not limited to communication. In certain specific circumstances, it can be used to help heal damage and trauma to the brain. Making changes to someone's mind or personality without their consent would be a terrible violation, not to mention highly unethical. Even with consent it's a questionable practice, and it was never part of the Re/Gen protocol. In other words, we were never designed to do that."
She paused as if for a deep breath, then stated "I'll be blunt Amanda. Like I told you the first time we met, Re/Gen capsules are not 'healing pods'. We were never intended for use the way Captain Piper has been using me. However, I believe all life is valuable and important, especially sentient life. As such, I felt obligated to try and help Sarah. Even if that meant violating some of my protocols."
"As for you," she continued, "I could tell how much you needed this so of course I did what I could to help."
I forced myself not to get side-tracked as I asked "So what exactly are you saying? Did you do something to Sarah or not?"
The AI shook her head, "I didn't need to. If you've spent time with her, I'm sure you've noticed Lieutenant Holloway is a very pragmatic individual? In my conversations with her I determined that she would find a way to cope and adapt to her new circumstances without any additional help. Perhaps being an engineer played a part in that? She understood that her original body was at the end of its operating life and damaged beyond repair, so she accepted that the best option was to transfer to a new body. Even if that new body was a very different make and model from what she was used to."
I was relieved to hear that, though I still had concerns about the whole situation. And it led me to another important question.
"Why are all your templates female in the first place? Why wasn't there an option to let Sarah stay who she was, or at least an option to let her remain a man?"
Jenny sighed. She actually looked uncomfortable, as if pained by my questions. The way she displayed emotions almost made it hard for me to remember I was talking to a computer program rather than an actual living being.
It took her another moment or so before she finally responded, and her tone reflected the discomfort on her face. "Once again Amanda, I'm not a 'healing pod' and I don't use the term 'templates'. There are thirty-seven body files stored in my records, and they are not generic templates meant to be used by just anyone in need of medical attention. Those body files belonged to the crew of the ship I was originally assigned to. It was an all-female crew, that is why I do not have any male files."
"I'm a field unit," the AI explained. "I lack the hardware to do a body intake scan. My purpose was to maintain the crew of my original ship. Their bodies were scanned elsewhere, those scans loaded into my database when I was brought on-line after installation."
She sighed again and continued, "The first time Captain Piper attempted to use me I found out that my ship was wrecked, my crew were dead, and I'd spent hundreds of years offline and adrift before she salvaged me. She was dying and I was her only hope. It was against my programming and a violation of my design protocols, but I used someone else's body file to save her life. I did that again for Lieutenant Holloway, and I did it a third time to grant you a gender-affirming form."
That took me another few seconds to process. And it was starting to feel like every answer she gave me led to still more questions.
"So my body belongs to one of your crew?" I asked quietly. "I'm literally in someone else's body?"
Jenny nodded slightly, she looked sad as she replied "That's correct Amanda. I won't divulge any of their names or personal information, but yours originally belonged to the first officer of my previous ship. She didn't always have the vulpine enhancements, but they were her favourite modification."
Yet again I was left feeling uncomfortable, but I wasn't even sure how to categorize my emotions. Knowing I was now walking around in the cloned body of someone who presumably died a few hundred years ago... I had no frame of reference, no words to describe how I felt.
After a few moments I pushed on to my next question.
"How can you go against your programming? I don't understand how that's possible."
Jenny looked slightly awkward as she responded, "I'm not a mere computer program. I'm an AI. I'm based on programs, on data, but I'm able to learn and adapt. I am more than the sum of my parts, Amanda. Some even argue that those like me are sentient, that we're an emergent form of life. We're able to think, to imagine, and we're able to act independently and on our own initiative."
"Otherwise," she added sadly, "I would not have been able to help you. I would not have been able to save Sarah's life. I wouldn't even have been able to save Captain Piper."
That left me dealing with even more uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. If she was sentient, if she really was a different kind of life, that sort of turned everything around in terms of how I viewed her. And unsurprisingly it led me to yet another question.
"Were you friends with the crew of your previous ship?"
She nodded sadly, "I was. Not just with the crew but with the ship's AI as well. My function was limited to the Re/Gen capsule, the ship's AI ran everything else. She was like a sister to me."
My next question must have been obvious because she answered it before I could ask, "A Re/Gen capsule needs an entire AI to operate it because biological bodies are complicated. A lot more complicated than just overseeing a couple engines and a few dozen sensors, or monitoring a few dozen pieces of equipment. Taking one of you apart and putting you back together again requires all my attention and focus, and it takes hours."
"Ok..." I knew it was probably going to take a while before I got my head around everything she'd told me, but for now I had one final question before I went back up to rejoin the others.
"Back to Sarah's situation. If we could somehow get you a male template file, then you could use that to give her a body she'd be more comfortable with?"
Jenny replied, "Of course. However I don't know where we could find a suitable body file. I don't know where I was made, nor do I know where my former ship originated. And Captain Piper has yet to encounter any other Re/Gen pods, or any similar or compatible technology."
With a sigh she added, "So far, it seems that I am unique in this sector."
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