“I’m still a virgin.”
“There’s no need to lie. It’s already proven.”
“But it’s true. In Allah’s name, I swear, I’m still a virgin!”
“Then whose child is it in your belly right now? A ghost’s?”
“I don’t know…”
“Suits you. But ever since I became a midwife, I had never been mistaken. There’s something in your stomach. Once nine months pass, the child will come out. No matter who’s it is.”
“But I’m still a virgin…”
“Whatever, Anom. I’ve heard many stories from girls who wanted an abortion. Some said it wasn’t on purpose. Other said their lover broke their promise. There are even those who said that their fiancé died before marriage. Of course, rape victims as well. However, I’ve never ever heard any of them claiming that they’re still a virgin. You’re a first.”
Anom was silent but her eyes never stopped cursing this midwife that didn’t believe her. At the same time, she adamantly rejected what the midwife said earlier. Let’s not talk about being pregnant for over a month, she had never even been with a man before. The midwife’s an idiot! Cursed Anom in her heart.
“What, you’re leaving? Where’s my payment?”
“Why should I pay you? You don’t even know how to do our job!” scorned Anom while complaining.
“Eh, this girl… if not for the baby in your belly, I would’ve kicked you out you know?!” scolded Mak Dom while chewing on tobacco.
Anom leisurely went down the stairs of the wooden house. She let out all the curses that she knew, not caring whether the midwife heard them or not. She was too agitated. Never has she felt so offended.
Anom walked home with a burning heart. Mak Dom’s words were still buzzing in her ears. At times, she would mutter, grumbling.
“I swear this is the last time I go and see that old hag. She’s senile!”
“Mom, I’m back!” shouted Anom as she stepped into the old house, an inheritance of her late father where she now lived with only her mother.
“Where did you go earlier?”
“Nowhere. I just went for a walk around the village. For some sightseeing.”
“Have you went to see Mak Dom?”
Anom was silent.
“Anom!”
“Er… yes?”
“I asked whether you’ve gone to see Mak Dom. This morning you mentioned that you’re not feeling well recently.”
“No… I haven’t.”
“Why?”
“I feel like I should just go see a doctor, mom. I feel like we can’t really trust what Mak Dom says.”
“What’s there to not trust? Mak Dom became the midwife of this village since she was young. It was her who helped me during your birth.”
“True. But her speciality is probably limited to pregnancy and childbirth. I have a different problem. I’m not pregnant…”
“Yeah, you’re not pregnant. But Mak Dom is a clever person. She has cured many other illnesses.”
“It’s fine, mom. I’ll just go to the town tomorrow and see a doctor.”
“Hmm… suits you.”
“Mom!”
“Hmm…”
“Where’s my blue batik?”
“Why?”
“I wanna take a bath so I need it. What else?”
“It’s hanging outside.”
Anom jogged under the house and grabbed the batik that was swaying, blown by the dusk wind. And brought it behind the house. The hairband that was holding her long hair was pulled off. She took off her worn-out t-shirt and jeans before hanging them on the zinc wall of the bathroom. While all this was happening, she kept her eyes open through the small gaps of the bathroom, cautious against any “ghost” that might be enjoying the free show. It wasn’t the first time that Anom was peeked at by the village’s delinquents. Even when dumped with hot water, they never learn their lesson.
Her favourite blue batik was tied neatly on her chest. Anom sat next to the tank and drew water, bucket by bucket, and slowly poured it on her body. Cold.
Although she had been reminded by her mother many times, Anom still kept her bad habit of bathing during dusk. She didn’t know why but she preferred that time. At dusk, the water was colder and the sky was perfect. Not too bright and not too dark. Anom liked looking up and observe the red and purple hues of the sky. Better when the Moon could be seen, shy yet impatient of letting its light shine.
As she was bathing, Anom was suddenly reminded of the incident a few months ago. It happened during dusk as well. Anom remembered that she was about to go bathe but she forgot to bring her bathing cloth. Then, she suddenly saw a blue batik hanging on the teak tree’s branch that went across the roofless bathroom. Anom made a few attempts at reaching for the batik as the branch was slightly higher than what she could reach. She observed the cloth for a while. It smelled nice and felt new. Anom thought that her mother had just bought it and immediately tied it to her chest and bathed with it for the first time.
“Anom!” Maria’s voice broke Anom’s daydream.
“Yes, mom.”
“You’re still not done bathing? People are going to start the adhan… It’s not good staying out at this time. It’s the time when most ghosts and devils roam the streets. How many times must I tell you? Why are you so stubborn?”
“Yeah, yeah… I’m coming in. I’m already done here,” said Anom while leaving the bathroom. Mariah stood in wait at the back door with a furious expression. She was fed up with this child of hers.
Anom entered with nonchalance. As she passed next to Mariah, she observed the blue cloth worn by Anom from top to bottom.
“Hang that cloth later. Don’t just throw it wherever. Best if you can just trash it.”
“Eh… why?”
Anom took her place at the dining table. She grabbed a plastic bowl filled with mustard that was placed in the middle of the table.
“You’re asking me why? We don’t know who it belongs to and yet you just take it as if it was yours,” said Mariah while handing a knife to Anom.
“Who told them to leave it there? Finders, keepers. Besides, I’ve been using it for months and no one came looking for it. No police came to arrest me,” answered Anom with ill-humour. Her hands deftly cut the vegetables that would become soup for tonight’s dinner.
“Hah… you think you’re funny? No matter what, to me, it’s not good using things that aren’t ours. Not to mention, we don’t know of its origin. Aren’t you scared? Who knows if maybe it was a ghost that placed the cloth there. And now you’re wearing it.”
“Now you’re just being ridiculous, mom…”
“You never know. Not to mention that you like bathing at dusk. It’s their time after all…” Mariah tried to scare Anom although she knew the chance of that happening was slim. Her daughter’s heart was truly tough. Moving it was never easy.
“Even if it’s true, that’s a good thing. Since ghosts haunt people. This ghost, rather than haunting me, it gave me a gift. It’s even a bit. A beautiful one to boot…” said Anom jokingly. It made Mariah even angrier noticing the playful tone.
“I’m just playing around, mom… why so serious?”
“Hmm… yeah right. Enough. Go and perform your Maghrib prayer. Help me make dinner after that.”
“Okay!”
Anom stood up and hugged her mother from behind. A kiss landed on Mariah’s wrinkled cheek. Mariah smiled, not knowing what to do with this daughter of hers.
The next day, Anom prepared herself to go to the town since morning. She donned on a white Johor-style baju kurung with brown star anise patterns. Her long hair was collected into a bun and tied with a butterfly pin. For some reason, despite her unwellness, she felt like dressing up a bit to show off.
As Anom was coming down the house, Mariah was sweeping the dried leaves in the yard.
“Mom, I’m going to the town,” said Anom while quickly walking past her mother.
“Eh… what for? Anom! I’m asking you why you’re going there.”
“I’m going to have a check-up. My body still feels a bit sick…” said Anom before immediately leaving.
“Be careful on the way, Anom…” reminded Mariah.
At the clinic.
“What?!”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure, doctor?”
“I’m sure. The test results are positive. You are pregnant, ma’am.”
Anom was gobsmacked. There was nothing she could say. She felt her heart was getting ripped apart from the news. She still could not believe it, even though this was the second time she obtained that diagnosis. To make sure that it was real, Anom went to see a different doctor. This time, her shocked face became fearful and confused. The answer was the same. She was pregnant. The baby in her belly was already two months old.
Afterwards, each step that she took was filled with questions. Each breath felt painful and suffocating. As much as she was scared and confused at the time, she was also very worried about how she would break the news to her mother later. In fact, she really hoped that there would be someone else that could do it on her behalf because she herself did not know how to explain it.
“If only you could speak, you would be able to tell me your origin…” whispered Anom while stroking her stomach.
Back home on arrival, Anom did not immediately go inside. She went to get her blue batik and went to the bathroom.
Anom stood in the middle of the bathroom with a gloomy expression, similar to the sky above her. She was uneasy. Her brain was working but she could not listen to it. What she knew was that a drop of warm liquid flowed down her cheeks. The drop became an unstoppable stream. In her sobbing, Anom raised her head when the sound of thunder reverberated.
With her damp eyes, she watched as the rain came down, drenching her face. Anom yielded. Perhaps that was the word that she was looking for. Perhaps that was what she was feeling. Perhaps that was what she thought of at this second. She surrendered.
Anom sat there on her knees for long. The rain kept pouring on her body as if washing away all worries that were staining her heart at the time.
“I know who I am. I know what I did all my life. What’s important is that Allah is on my side because of the truth within me. Regarding this child, no matter where you are from, you are mine as I am the one carrying you. I surrender. I relent to your terms, oh God. I relent…”
After uttering those words, Anom stood up and stepped inside the house with newfound courage and confidence.
“Mom…”
“Oh God, Anom! Why are you soaked?” questioned Mariah to Anom when seeing her in her blue batik drenched in rainwater.
Without answering Mariah, Anom approached her mother and hugged her calmly.
“I have something I need to tell you, and I hope that you can stay calm and patient, mom…” whispered Anom to her mother before conveying all that happened.
Six months later…
Anom’s stomach had grown big. No matter where she went, people would look at her stomach that carried an eight-month-old baby with judging looks. There was no lack of people guessing who was the father of the child. The child that would be conceived before marriage.
Although Anom’s life since being pregnant was filled with hardships, she did not care about them. She blinded herself from people’s dirty gazes directed at her. She also covered her ears from the mocking and various titles that were stamped on her by the villagers. Anom ignored them. What’s important was that she knew who she was, and God knew who she was. Let it be if the villagers did not believe her when she said that she had never slept with any man. What’s important was that Allah knew of her purity.
In fact, Anom did not blame those people for acting as such. Obviously. Who would believe it when someone says she’s still a virgin when it was obvious that she was pregnant? It was something impossible. So, Anom accepted whatever insult the villagers threw at her.
Even so, there was one thing that Anom couldn’t stand. Every time her ears were stained with this one nickname, her blood would start boiling.
‘GHOST’S CHILD’
At first, Anom thought that the nickname was born of the cruel and inconsiderate feelings of the villagers towards her and the child she was carrying. However, recently, Anom realised that the ‘ghost’s child’ nickname had a more ‘disturbing’ connotation behind it.
“Why do people call my child a ghost’s child, mom?” asked Anom to Mariah immediately when her face appeared from the front door after coming back from the market.
Mariah’s face was gloomy, proving to Anom that there was something that was hidden from her.
“Well, it’s not that you don’t know the mouth of those people. Just ignore it…”
“But mom, you know the reason, right? You always go to the market so you must have heard some stories about it. I want to know why they would call the child in me with a name like that. I can accept the unlawful child. I can even accept the term bastard. But why would they call my child a ghost’s child?”
Mariah sat down, removing her scarf and using it to fan her neck.
“There are a few incidents that happened in the village lately. You don’t know because you’re always staying inside. Those incidents were certainly strange but I don’t know just how they are related to you…” Mariah sighed.
“What incidents?”
“You know about the cases where people in our village died from shock. There was no explanation for their deaths. And everyone died in the same condition. As if… they saw something horrifying before die…”
Anom nodded. She certainly heard something like that.
“But what would that get to do with my child?” said Anom while caressing her belly gently. Perhaps she wanted to calm the child that was anxious and kicking down.
“Maybe you don’t realise it but those people who died had some sort of relationship with you.”
“What kind of relationship?”
“I’m not sure… That’s just what the villagers say. You don’t have to bother with it.”
“Mom… just tell me…” insisted Anom. This made Mariah feel guilty.
“It’s like this… the day before those people died, they talked badly about you.”
“Mom… if that’s the case, then everyone in this village should have died. All of them talked about me behind my back.”
“That’s the difference. Those who died talked about you right in front of you, rather than behind your back. Do you remember Salina? At that time, you came across her when going to the shop. She called you a slut. A few hours later, the villagers found her in the forest, dead, her eyes wide open.
Anom’s heart shrunk. She remembered it. Salina tossed that insult right in her face, and then she suddenly died. But Anom never related these two occurrences.
“Next, do you remember that Ajoi kid? A few months back, he teased you, asking you to marry him since no other guy would want to marry you, saying that you’re defective goods. At that very night, he died in his house, alone, with his mouth and eyes wide open in terror.”
Anom tried to inhale. Her chest felt heavy as if there was something clutching at her. After that, Anom tried remembering instances where the villagers insulted her and her child directly. It was true. All of them died in shock afterwards. The same condition. All six of them.
“Enough Anom… don’t think about it. It’s all just a coincidence. You know how the villagers are. They like thinking about this nonsense. Ridiculous. There’s no way the baby in your stomach is in any way related to those people’s death. Death is in the hands of God. Now stop thinking. Go take your ablution and then perform the Isya’ prayer. Pray to Allah so that you will be spared from bad things.” That was Mariah’s advice for her unlucky daughter.
To Anom, that was all that she could do. Pray. The rest would all depend on God. Sometimes, humans were unable to understand why certain things happen to them. However, as His servants, we don’t need to understand. We should believe that everything Allah does has its own meaning.
Oh Allah, my God,
The God of the universe,
The one who created things that can and can’t be seen,
The one who conferred me life,
And the one who I will return to,
I ask of you, oh Allah,
Forgive my past sins,
And carve for me a good future ahead of me,
Take me closer to goodness,
Separate me from evil,
Bestow upon me a prosperous life,
Distance me from disasters,
And everything evil in nature…
Ouch…
Anom touched her stomach. Then, she felt the bottom part of her prayer apparel.[1] Wet. Anom yelled, calling for Mariah. However, Mariah was not at home. Anom remembered that she went to Mak Dom’s for a massage.
In extreme pain, Anom dragged her body to the front door. She forced herself to stand up. Mak Dom’s house was not that far from hers. Anom had no other choice but to go there by herself. With hardship, still wearing her prayer apparel that was flapping furiously, blown by the strong wind that impetuously came. Anom staggeringly walked towards Mak Dom’s house while supporting her stomach, she was in pain from the baby’s struggling, ready to come out and see the dark world.
Arriving at Mak Dom’s house, Mariah and Mak Dom who was startled seeing Anom immediately helped her inside. Anom was then laid in the middle of the house while Mak Dom prepared to receive the baby.
The strong wind kept hitting Mak Dom’s house making every door and window flap open and shut, making slamming noises everywhere, accompanied by thunder and lightning. Yet, there was not even a drop of rain falling down. Anom yelled until her voice strained. The pain that she was experiencing was indescribable to the point that even the striking of thunder could not match the tears and screams of Anom, who was tortured by the pain.
Mak Dom panicked. She had received tons and even perhaps hundreds of babies. However, she had never seen this kind of situation. Every woman who was giving birth felt pain but not as bad as that girl. It was to the point that her face turned from red to blue. Her eyes seemed like they would pop out and every vein and capillary on her body surfaced as if they wanted to explode.
In that emergency situation, Mariah heard a clamour outside. She went out and saw a few villagers coming, holding torches in their hands while exclaiming the phrase ‘Allahu Akbar!’
“What are you people doing here, huh? My daughter is giving birth. Go back!” shouted Mariah from the veranda.
“We want Anom and her ghost’s child out of this village. Ever since she was pregnant, many damned things happened. Many innocents died. We have concluded that Anom and her child can’t live in this village! She must get lost right this instance!” said a youth while being supported by the others with mad cheering.
“Wait. Be patient. Don’t be hasty. Have pity on my daughter. She’s giving birth right now. She’s betting her life. Don’t do this… please…!” begged Mariah.
However, her pleading fell on deaf ears. The villagers’ anger was uncontrollable. Some even looked like they had lost their minds. They forgot about the love and mercy that God gave to the human being. They were influenced by the whispers of the devil that very much loved cruelty.
Without anyone stopping them, they threw the torches towards Mak Dom’s house. Mariah rushed inside. She grabbed Anom, trying to drag her out of the burning house but was stopped by Mak Dom. It was because the baby was coming out.
Mak Dom asked Anom to push again but she was too weak. Her whole body felt as if it was paralyzed. Only her sight was working. She could see clearly the fire that was rising, licking the roof above her head. Anom looked to the left and right. The purplish-red fire appeared as if it was dancing around her, as if calling for her, happy to receive her body.
Mak Dom repeatedly called Anom’s name but she gave no response. She simply laid there without any movement. Mak Dom had no other choice but to pull the baby out herself since the fire was getting wilder. Mak Dom passed the baby to Mariah so that she could quickly bring the baby out of the burning house while Mak Dom tried to drag the unmoving Anom. However, for an unknown reason, Anom’s small body felt as heavy as a stone. Even the strong Mak Dom was unable to pull her.
Therefore, in tears, Mak Dom kissed Anom’s cold forehead as the fire was closing in. It had already burnt parts of her clothes so, with a heavy heart, Mak Dom had to leave Anom there. She was unable to save Anom. Perhaps, it was time for the girl to go.
Now, Anom was lying alone in the middle of the house that her baby was born in. The house that observed the beginning of her child’s life, and the ending of hers.
Although she can’t move her lips, Anom recited the shahadah in her heart.
Thus, Anom closed her eyes in peace. Feeling the heat that was kissing the tips of her fingers. The increasing heat slowly transformed into pain. A pain that no living human could imagine. Anom experienced her body slowly being eaten away in agony. A moment later, she lay in peace.
Accepting fate, praying that her life in the other world would be better. Perhaps, God would be willing to accept her into heaven.
Anom’s life slowly disappeared. Calmly. Gently. Almost beautiful. Oh, how extraordinary the existence of fire was. Its property was beautiful, gentle, and captivating. As if entertaining yet at the same time ending. Until the end, the fire danced happily. Happy that it was able to send Anom’s soul to where it came from. Freeing Anom from the evils of the world.
Seven years later…
After a long time of travelling, Mariah finally ran out of place to run. She no longer had a place to protect herself. Though feeling bitter, Mariah finally returned to her old house. Together with her grandchild that had grown up.
Mariah stood in the middle of the house. Nothing changed. Things were just dusty and old.
Suddenly, Mariah felt her baju kurung being pulled.
“What’s wrong, Adib?” asked Mariah to her grandson, the late Anom’s child.
“Grandma… where’s mom’s blue batik?” Adib suddenly asked.
“What blue batik?”
“You know… the one that mom uses for bathing.”
Mariah’s forehead scrunched. Where did Adib learn of the cloth’s existence? Even she herself had forgotten about it. Even so, Mariah simply obliged. She entered Anom’s old room and took out Anom’s favourite cloth from a cupboard.
“Here. What do you want to do with it?”
“It’s not me. My dad is the one who wants it.”
“Your dad? Who?” questioned Mariah, shocked by her grandson’s answer.
“My dad. My dad said that he gifted this to mom a long time ago. But now he wants it back. He needs it as a memento of mom since she’s no longer here… Can you wait here for a bit grandma? I’m going to give this to my dad outside,” said Adib before running outside.
Mariah’s eyes followed Adib through the windows as he went out. She saw Adib going behind the house, where the bathroom was located.
Mariah observed from a window directly facing the zinc bathroom. She simply watched Adib’s movements. Adib neared the teak tree beside the bathroom, where a branch ran across the roofless bathroom. That was the place where Anom first saw her favourite batik cloth. The one that she would wear every time she bathed, till the end of her life.
Adib dug a shallow hole right beside the tree base. Satisfied, Adib placed the cloth inside and buried it.
Adib stood up while waving at Mariah, saying.
“Grandma! I’ve returned mom’s batik to dad. He said thanks!” shouted Adib with a smile.
“Astaghfirullahalazim…” Mariah massaged her chest.
She ran to grab Adib and observed the teak tree. Looking carefully from up to down and around. Suddenly, Mariah saw a carving on the tree bark on its backside. The writing was in Siamese but she was able to read it as her father came from Songkhla. The writing on the tree translated to…
A whispering tree…
To those who listen,
Touching branches,
To those who feel,
Caressing leaves,
To the crestfallen,
In silence the tree whispers,
Embracing every passing soul,
Inside a forest like an orchestra,
Merging whispers forming a song,
Ripping a small heart!
Clenching a breath!
Strangling a mind!
Until the only thing left felt,
Are only the whispering trees…
As she finished reading the sentences on the tree, Mariah suddenly felt her head spinning. Then, she fell unconscious next to the tree.
Adib simply watched his unconscious grandmother without doing anything. Then, calmly, he went in front of the house and sat on the stairs. He waited until a man named Munir came and greeted him. Then, he brought Adib home with him. And they will be together forever. Until the end of time.
-End-
But a new beginning for us…
Right, brother Munir?
The black novel in his hand fell onto the floor. His body shivered in fear. How could he himself be in the novel?
Munir grabbed the phone with the intention to call Suraya. He wanted to make sure that Suraya was safe. However, just as he was about to press the call button, a call came in. It was from Sahar.
“Assalamualaikum…”
“Waalaikumsalam…” replied Sahar weakly.
“What’s up, Sahar?’ asked Munir.
“Suraya… she’s gone.”
Hah?!”
“She was in an accident. Immediate death after a critical injury in her head.”
“Adib?”
“Adib is safe. Right now, Suraya’s body is still at the hospital. Adib is there as well. I’m going there now. You coming?”
Munir nodded without a word. His phone was kept in his pocket. Munir took the keys on the table, preparing to go out to greet his lover’s body.
That night…
Suraya’s family and Munir, one after the other, took turns in accompanying Suraya’s body while reciting Yaasin. The clock showed three in the morning. Hazra and Sufiyan had already fallen asleep because of their fatigue. Suraya’s mother, Hasmah, was praying in her room upstairs. The only ones left are Munir, Sahar and Adib who accompanied Suraya’s body that was laying down in the middle of the living room.
Midway in reciting Yaasin, Sahar excused himself to go to the toilet. Stomach ache, he said. Now only Munir and Adib were together with Suraya. Adib who only sat beside Munir earlier suddenly went towards Suraya’s body. He sat next to her head and then rubbed her head. Next, he landed a kiss on Suraya’s cold forehead. Munir simply watched everything without saying anything.
Suddenly, Munir saw Adib doing something that should never be done by anyone. Adib seemed as if he was whispering something to Suraya’s body.
“Adib, what are you doing?” asked Munir with a high tone. He felt uncomfortable with Adib’s action.
“Nothing. I’m just calling my mom…”
“What are you saying? That’s big sis Suraya, not your mom.”
“Yeah… but mom will arrive shortly after…”
The moment Adib said that the living room that was cold suddenly became hot. Extremely hot. As if it was on fire.
Munir stood up. He was confused. Munir looked around, finding the reason why the temperature suddenly increased. Adib also stood up. He took a distance from Suraya’s body.
Without any warning, Suraya’s body that was calmly laying down caught on flames. Every inch of it was licked by the red and burning fire. The fire was big enough to touch the house’s ceiling.
Munir fell down on his behind while watching everything happen in fear. He tried screaming but his voice just wouldn’t come out. Munir could only curl his body, making himself as small as possible in the room. He tried protecting himself from the wild flame that was consuming Suraya’s body.
Munir closed his eyes with both hands. He rocked his body while trembling in fear.
Slowly, Munir felt the heat dissipating until the living room became cold as it was originally.
Munir opened his eyes. Suraya’s body was no longer there. In its place was a woman. The woman was standing while wearing a blue batik that was tied on her chest. Adib approached the woman and hugged her waist. Then Adib said…
“I missed you, mom. Now we can be together again…”
Munir’s vision turned black. He descended into the deep depth of darkness.
[1] Women’s prayer apparel:
“I’m still a virgin.”
“There’s no need to lie. It’s already proven.”
“But it’s true. In Allah’s name, I swear, I’m still a virgin!”
“Then whose child is it in your belly right now? A ghost’s?”
“I don’t know…”
“Suits you. But ever since I became a midwife, I had never been mistaken. There’s something in your stomach. Once nine months pass, the child will come out. No matter who’s it is.”
“But I’m still a virgin…”
“Whatever, Anom. I’ve heard many stories from girls who wanted an abortion. Some said it wasn’t on purpose. Other said their lover broke their promise. There are even those who said that their fiancé died before marriage. Of course, rape victims as well. However, I’ve never ever heard any of them claiming that they’re still a virgin. You’re a first.”
Anom was silent but her eyes never stopped cursing this midwife that didn’t believe her. At the same time, she adamantly rejected what the midwife said earlier. Let’s not talk about being pregnant for over a month, she had never even been with a man before. The midwife’s an idiot! Cursed Anom in her heart.
“What, you’re leaving? Where’s my payment?”
“Why should I pay you? You don’t even know how to do our job!” scorned Anom while complaining.
“Eh, this girl… if not for the baby in your belly, I would’ve kicked you out you know?!” scolded Mak Dom while chewing on tobacco.
Anom leisurely went down the stairs of the wooden house. She let out all the curses that she knew, not caring whether the midwife heard them or not. She was too agitated. Never has she felt so offended.
Anom walked home with a burning heart. Mak Dom’s words were still buzzing in her ears. At times, she would mutter, grumbling.
“I swear this is the last time I go and see that old hag. She’s senile!”
“Mom, I’m back!” shouted Anom as she stepped into the old house, an inheritance of her late father where she now lived with only her mother.
“Where did you go earlier?”
“Nowhere. I just went for a walk around the village. For some sightseeing.”
“Have you went to see Mak Dom?”
Anom was silent.
“Anom!”
“Er… yes?”
“I asked whether you’ve gone to see Mak Dom. This morning you mentioned that you’re not feeling well recently.”
“No… I haven’t.”
“Why?”
“I feel like I should just go see a doctor, mom. I feel like we can’t really trust what Mak Dom says.”
“What’s there to not trust? Mak Dom became the midwife of this village since she was young. It was her who helped me during your birth.”
“True. But her speciality is probably limited to pregnancy and childbirth. I have a different problem. I’m not pregnant…”
“Yeah, you’re not pregnant. But Mak Dom is a clever person. She has cured many other illnesses.”
“It’s fine, mom. I’ll just go to the town tomorrow and see a doctor.”
“Hmm… suits you.”
“Mom!”
“Hmm…”
“Where’s my blue batik?”
“Why?”
“I wanna take a bath so I need it. What else?”
“It’s hanging outside.”
Anom jogged under the house and grabbed the batik that was swaying, blown by the dusk wind. And brought it behind the house. The hairband that was holding her long hair was pulled off. She took off her worn-out t-shirt and jeans before hanging them on the zinc wall of the bathroom. While all this was happening, she kept her eyes open through the small gaps of the bathroom, cautious against any “ghost” that might be enjoying the free show. It wasn’t the first time that Anom was peeked at by the village’s delinquents. Even when dumped with hot water, they never learn their lesson.
Her favourite blue batik was tied neatly on her chest. Anom sat next to the tank and drew water, bucket by bucket, and slowly poured it on her body. Cold.
Although she had been reminded by her mother many times, Anom still kept her bad habit of bathing during dusk. She didn’t know why but she preferred that time. At dusk, the water was colder and the sky was perfect. Not too bright and not too dark. Anom liked looking up and observe the red and purple hues of the sky. Better when the Moon could be seen, shy yet impatient of letting its light shine.
As she was bathing, Anom was suddenly reminded of the incident a few months ago. It happened during dusk as well. Anom remembered that she was about to go bathe but she forgot to bring her bathing cloth. Then, she suddenly saw a blue batik hanging on the teak tree’s branch that went across the roofless bathroom. Anom made a few attempts at reaching for the batik as the branch was slightly higher than what she could reach. She observed the cloth for a while. It smelled nice and felt new. Anom thought that her mother had just bought it and immediately tied it to her chest and bathed with it for the first time.
“Anom!” Maria’s voice broke Anom’s daydream.
“Yes, mom.”
“You’re still not done bathing? People are going to start the adhan… It’s not good staying out at this time. It’s the time when most ghosts and devils roam the streets. How many times must I tell you? Why are you so stubborn?”
“Yeah, yeah… I’m coming in. I’m already done here,” said Anom while leaving the bathroom. Mariah stood in wait at the back door with a furious expression. She was fed up with this child of hers.
Anom entered with nonchalance. As she passed next to Mariah, she observed the blue cloth worn by Anom from top to bottom.
“Hang that cloth later. Don’t just throw it wherever. Best if you can just trash it.”
“Eh… why?”
Anom took her place at the dining table. She grabbed a plastic bowl filled with mustard that was placed in the middle of the table.
“You’re asking me why? We don’t know who it belongs to and yet you just take it as if it was yours,” said Mariah while handing a knife to Anom.
“Who told them to leave it there? Finders, keepers. Besides, I’ve been using it for months and no one came looking for it. No police came to arrest me,” answered Anom with ill-humour. Her hands deftly cut the vegetables that would become soup for tonight’s dinner.
“Hah… you think you’re funny? No matter what, to me, it’s not good using things that aren’t ours. Not to mention, we don’t know of its origin. Aren’t you scared? Who knows if maybe it was a ghost that placed the cloth there. And now you’re wearing it.”
“Now you’re just being ridiculous, mom…”
“You never know. Not to mention that you like bathing at dusk. It’s their time after all…” Mariah tried to scare Anom although she knew the chance of that happening was slim. Her daughter’s heart was truly tough. Moving it was never easy.
“Even if it’s true, that’s a good thing. Since ghosts haunt people. This ghost, rather than haunting me, it gave me a gift. It’s even a bit. A beautiful one to boot…” said Anom jokingly. It made Mariah even angrier noticing the playful tone.
“I’m just playing around, mom… why so serious?”
“Hmm… yeah right. Enough. Go and perform your Maghrib prayer. Help me make dinner after that.”
“Okay!”
Anom stood up and hugged her mother from behind. A kiss landed on Mariah’s wrinkled cheek. Mariah smiled, not knowing what to do with this daughter of hers.
The next day, Anom prepared herself to go to the town since morning. She donned on a white Johor-style baju kurung with brown star anise patterns. Her long hair was collected into a bun and tied with a butterfly pin. For some reason, despite her unwellness, she felt like dressing up a bit to show off.
As Anom was coming down the house, Mariah was sweeping the dried leaves in the yard.
“Mom, I’m going to the town,” said Anom while quickly walking past her mother.
“Eh… what for? Anom! I’m asking you why you’re going there.”
“I’m going to have a check-up. My body still feels a bit sick…” said Anom before immediately leaving.
“Be careful on the way, Anom…” reminded Mariah.
At the clinic.
“What?!”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure, doctor?”
“I’m sure. The test results are positive. You are pregnant, ma’am.”
Anom was gobsmacked. There was nothing she could say. She felt her heart was getting ripped apart from the news. She still could not believe it, even though this was the second time she obtained that diagnosis. To make sure that it was real, Anom went to see a different doctor. This time, her shocked face became fearful and confused. The answer was the same. She was pregnant. The baby in her belly was already two months old.
Afterwards, each step that she took was filled with questions. Each breath felt painful and suffocating. As much as she was scared and confused at the time, she was also very worried about how she would break the news to her mother later. In fact, she really hoped that there would be someone else that could do it on her behalf because she herself did not know how to explain it.
“If only you could speak, you would be able to tell me your origin…” whispered Anom while stroking her stomach.
Back home on arrival, Anom did not immediately go inside. She went to get her blue batik and went to the bathroom.
Anom stood in the middle of the bathroom with a gloomy expression, similar to the sky above her. She was uneasy. Her brain was working but she could not listen to it. What she knew was that a drop of warm liquid flowed down her cheeks. The drop became an unstoppable stream. In her sobbing, Anom raised her head when the sound of thunder reverberated.
With her damp eyes, she watched as the rain came down, drenching her face. Anom yielded. Perhaps that was the word that she was looking for. Perhaps that was what she was feeling. Perhaps that was what she thought of at this second. She surrendered.
Anom sat there on her knees for long. The rain kept pouring on her body as if washing away all worries that were staining her heart at the time.
“I know who I am. I know what I did all my life. What’s important is that Allah is on my side because of the truth within me. Regarding this child, no matter where you are from, you are mine as I am the one carrying you. I surrender. I relent to your terms, oh God. I relent…”
After uttering those words, Anom stood up and stepped inside the house with newfound courage and confidence.
“Mom…”
“Oh God, Anom! Why are you soaked?” questioned Mariah to Anom when seeing her in her blue batik drenched in rainwater.
Without answering Mariah, Anom approached her mother and hugged her calmly.
“I have something I need to tell you, and I hope that you can stay calm and patient, mom…” whispered Anom to her mother before conveying all that happened.
Six months later…
Anom’s stomach had grown big. No matter where she went, people would look at her stomach that carried an eight-month-old baby with judging looks. There was no lack of people guessing who was the father of the child. The child that would be conceived before marriage.
Although Anom’s life since being pregnant was filled with hardships, she did not care about them. She blinded herself from people’s dirty gazes directed at her. She also covered her ears from the mocking and various titles that were stamped on her by the villagers. Anom ignored them. What’s important was that she knew who she was, and God knew who she was. Let it be if the villagers did not believe her when she said that she had never slept with any man. What’s important was that Allah knew of her purity.
In fact, Anom did not blame those people for acting as such. Obviously. Who would believe it when someone says she’s still a virgin when it was obvious that she was pregnant? It was something impossible. So, Anom accepted whatever insult the villagers threw at her.
Even so, there was one thing that Anom couldn’t stand. Every time her ears were stained with this one nickname, her blood would start boiling.
‘GHOST’S CHILD’
At first, Anom thought that the nickname was born of the cruel and inconsiderate feelings of the villagers towards her and the child she was carrying. However, recently, Anom realised that the ‘ghost’s child’ nickname had a more ‘disturbing’ connotation behind it.
“Why do people call my child a ghost’s child, mom?” asked Anom to Mariah immediately when her face appeared from the front door after coming back from the market.
Mariah’s face was gloomy, proving to Anom that there was something that was hidden from her.
“Well, it’s not that you don’t know the mouth of those people. Just ignore it…”
“But mom, you know the reason, right? You always go to the market so you must have heard some stories about it. I want to know why they would call the child in me with a name like that. I can accept the unlawful child. I can even accept the term bastard. But why would they call my child a ghost’s child?”
Mariah sat down, removing her scarf and using it to fan her neck.
“There are a few incidents that happened in the village lately. You don’t know because you’re always staying inside. Those incidents were certainly strange but I don’t know just how they are related to you…” Mariah sighed.
“What incidents?”
“You know about the cases where people in our village died from shock. There was no explanation for their deaths. And everyone died in the same condition. As if… they saw something horrifying before die…”
Anom nodded. She certainly heard something like that.
“But what would that get to do with my child?” said Anom while caressing her belly gently. Perhaps she wanted to calm the child that was anxious and kicking down.
“Maybe you don’t realise it but those people who died had some sort of relationship with you.”
“What kind of relationship?”
“I’m not sure… That’s just what the villagers say. You don’t have to bother with it.”
“Mom… just tell me…” insisted Anom. This made Mariah feel guilty.
“It’s like this… the day before those people died, they talked badly about you.”
“Mom… if that’s the case, then everyone in this village should have died. All of them talked about me behind my back.”
“That’s the difference. Those who died talked about you right in front of you, rather than behind your back. Do you remember Salina? At that time, you came across her when going to the shop. She called you a slut. A few hours later, the villagers found her in the forest, dead, her eyes wide open.
Anom’s heart shrunk. She remembered it. Salina tossed that insult right in her face, and then she suddenly died. But Anom never related these two occurrences.
“Next, do you remember that Ajoi kid? A few months back, he teased you, asking you to marry him since no other guy would want to marry you, saying that you’re defective goods. At that very night, he died in his house, alone, with his mouth and eyes wide open in terror.”
Anom tried to inhale. Her chest felt heavy as if there was something clutching at her. After that, Anom tried remembering instances where the villagers insulted her and her child directly. It was true. All of them died in shock afterwards. The same condition. All six of them.
“Enough Anom… don’t think about it. It’s all just a coincidence. You know how the villagers are. They like thinking about this nonsense. Ridiculous. There’s no way the baby in your stomach is in any way related to those people’s death. Death is in the hands of God. Now stop thinking. Go take your ablution and then perform the Isya’ prayer. Pray to Allah so that you will be spared from bad things.” That was Mariah’s advice for her unlucky daughter.
To Anom, that was all that she could do. Pray. The rest would all depend on God. Sometimes, humans were unable to understand why certain things happen to them. However, as His servants, we don’t need to understand. We should believe that everything Allah does has its own meaning.
Oh Allah, my God,
The God of the universe,
The one who created things that can and can’t be seen,
The one who conferred me life,
And the one who I will return to,
I ask of you, oh Allah,
Forgive my past sins,
And carve for me a good future ahead of me,
Take me closer to goodness,
Separate me from evil,
Bestow upon me a prosperous life,
Distance me from disasters,
And everything evil in nature…
Ouch…
Anom touched her stomach. Then, she felt the bottom part of her prayer apparel.[1] Wet. Anom yelled, calling for Mariah. However, Mariah was not at home. Anom remembered that she went to Mak Dom’s for a massage.
In extreme pain, Anom dragged her body to the front door. She forced herself to stand up. Mak Dom’s house was not that far from hers. Anom had no other choice but to go there by herself. With hardship, still wearing her prayer apparel that was flapping furiously, blown by the strong wind that impetuously came. Anom staggeringly walked towards Mak Dom’s house while supporting her stomach, she was in pain from the baby’s struggling, ready to come out and see the dark world.
Arriving at Mak Dom’s house, Mariah and Mak Dom who was startled seeing Anom immediately helped her inside. Anom was then laid in the middle of the house while Mak Dom prepared to receive the baby.
The strong wind kept hitting Mak Dom’s house making every door and window flap open and shut, making slamming noises everywhere, accompanied by thunder and lightning. Yet, there was not even a drop of rain falling down. Anom yelled until her voice strained. The pain that she was experiencing was indescribable to the point that even the striking of thunder could not match the tears and screams of Anom, who was tortured by the pain.
Mak Dom panicked. She had received tons and even perhaps hundreds of babies. However, she had never seen this kind of situation. Every woman who was giving birth felt pain but not as bad as that girl. It was to the point that her face turned from red to blue. Her eyes seemed like they would pop out and every vein and capillary on her body surfaced as if they wanted to explode.
In that emergency situation, Mariah heard a clamour outside. She went out and saw a few villagers coming, holding torches in their hands while exclaiming the phrase ‘Allahu Akbar!’
“What are you people doing here, huh? My daughter is giving birth. Go back!” shouted Mariah from the veranda.
“We want Anom and her ghost’s child out of this village. Ever since she was pregnant, many damned things happened. Many innocents died. We have concluded that Anom and her child can’t live in this village! She must get lost right this instance!” said a youth while being supported by the others with mad cheering.
“Wait. Be patient. Don’t be hasty. Have pity on my daughter. She’s giving birth right now. She’s betting her life. Don’t do this… please…!” begged Mariah.
However, her pleading fell on deaf ears. The villagers’ anger was uncontrollable. Some even looked like they had lost their minds. They forgot about the love and mercy that God gave to the human being. They were influenced by the whispers of the devil that very much loved cruelty.
Without anyone stopping them, they threw the torches towards Mak Dom’s house. Mariah rushed inside. She grabbed Anom, trying to drag her out of the burning house but was stopped by Mak Dom. It was because the baby was coming out.
Mak Dom asked Anom to push again but she was too weak. Her whole body felt as if it was paralyzed. Only her sight was working. She could see clearly the fire that was rising, licking the roof above her head. Anom looked to the left and right. The purplish-red fire appeared as if it was dancing around her, as if calling for her, happy to receive her body.
Mak Dom repeatedly called Anom’s name but she gave no response. She simply laid there without any movement. Mak Dom had no other choice but to pull the baby out herself since the fire was getting wilder. Mak Dom passed the baby to Mariah so that she could quickly bring the baby out of the burning house while Mak Dom tried to drag the unmoving Anom. However, for an unknown reason, Anom’s small body felt as heavy as a stone. Even the strong Mak Dom was unable to pull her.
Therefore, in tears, Mak Dom kissed Anom’s cold forehead as the fire was closing in. It had already burnt parts of her clothes so, with a heavy heart, Mak Dom had to leave Anom there. She was unable to save Anom. Perhaps, it was time for the girl to go.
Now, Anom was lying alone in the middle of the house that her baby was born in. The house that observed the beginning of her child’s life, and the ending of hers.
Although she can’t move her lips, Anom recited the shahadah in her heart.
Thus, Anom closed her eyes in peace. Feeling the heat that was kissing the tips of her fingers. The increasing heat slowly transformed into pain. A pain that no living human could imagine. Anom experienced her body slowly being eaten away in agony. A moment later, she lay in peace.
Accepting fate, praying that her life in the other world would be better. Perhaps, God would be willing to accept her into heaven.
Anom’s life slowly disappeared. Calmly. Gently. Almost beautiful. Oh, how extraordinary the existence of fire was. Its property was beautiful, gentle, and captivating. As if entertaining yet at the same time ending. Until the end, the fire danced happily. Happy that it was able to send Anom’s soul to where it came from. Freeing Anom from the evils of the world.
Seven years later…
After a long time of travelling, Mariah finally ran out of place to run. She no longer had a place to protect herself. Though feeling bitter, Mariah finally returned to her old house. Together with her grandchild that had grown up.
Mariah stood in the middle of the house. Nothing changed. Things were just dusty and old.
Suddenly, Mariah felt her baju kurung being pulled.
“What’s wrong, Adib?” asked Mariah to her grandson, the late Anom’s child.
“Grandma… where’s mom’s blue batik?” Adib suddenly asked.
“What blue batik?”
“You know… the one that mom uses for bathing.”
Mariah’s forehead scrunched. Where did Adib learn of the cloth’s existence? Even she herself had forgotten about it. Even so, Mariah simply obliged. She entered Anom’s old room and took out Anom’s favourite cloth from a cupboard.
“Here. What do you want to do with it?”
“It’s not me. My dad is the one who wants it.”
“Your dad? Who?” questioned Mariah, shocked by her grandson’s answer.
“My dad. My dad said that he gifted this to mom a long time ago. But now he wants it back. He needs it as a memento of mom since she’s no longer here… Can you wait here for a bit grandma? I’m going to give this to my dad outside,” said Adib before running outside.
Mariah’s eyes followed Adib through the windows as he went out. She saw Adib going behind the house, where the bathroom was located.
Mariah observed from a window directly facing the zinc bathroom. She simply watched Adib’s movements. Adib neared the teak tree beside the bathroom, where a branch ran across the roofless bathroom. That was the place where Anom first saw her favourite batik cloth. The one that she would wear every time she bathed, till the end of her life.
Adib dug a shallow hole right beside the tree base. Satisfied, Adib placed the cloth inside and buried it.
Adib stood up while waving at Mariah, saying.
“Grandma! I’ve returned mom’s batik to dad. He said thanks!” shouted Adib with a smile.
“Astaghfirullahalazim…” Mariah massaged her chest.
She ran to grab Adib and observed the teak tree. Looking carefully from up to down and around. Suddenly, Mariah saw a carving on the tree bark on its backside. The writing was in Siamese but she was able to read it as her father came from Songkhla. The writing on the tree translated to…
A whispering tree…
To those who listen,
Touching branches,
To those who feel,
Caressing leaves,
To the crestfallen,
In silence the tree whispers,
Embracing every passing soul,
Inside a forest like an orchestra,
Merging whispers forming a song,
Ripping a small heart!
Clenching a breath!
Strangling a mind!
Until the only thing left felt,
Are only the whispering trees…
As she finished reading the sentences on the tree, Mariah suddenly felt her head spinning. Then, she fell unconscious next to the tree.
Adib simply watched his unconscious grandmother without doing anything. Then, calmly, he went in front of the house and sat on the stairs. He waited until a man named Munir came and greeted him. Then, he brought Adib home with him. And they will be together forever. Until the end of time.
-End-
But a new beginning for us…
Right, brother Munir?
The black novel in his hand fell onto the floor. His body shivered in fear. How could he himself be in the novel?
Munir grabbed the phone with the intention to call Suraya. He wanted to make sure that Suraya was safe. However, just as he was about to press the call button, a call came in. It was from Sahar.
“Assalamualaikum…”
“Waalaikumsalam…” replied Sahar weakly.
“What’s up, Sahar?’ asked Munir.
“Suraya… she’s gone.”
Hah?!”
“She was in an accident. Immediate death after a critical injury in her head.”
“Adib?”
“Adib is safe. Right now, Suraya’s body is still at the hospital. Adib is there as well. I’m going there now. You coming?”
Munir nodded without a word. His phone was kept in his pocket. Munir took the keys on the table, preparing to go out to greet his lover’s body.
That night…
Suraya’s family and Munir, one after the other, took turns in accompanying Suraya’s body while reciting Yaasin. The clock showed three in the morning. Hazra and Sufiyan had already fallen asleep because of their fatigue. Suraya’s mother, Hasmah, was praying in her room upstairs. The only ones left are Munir, Sahar and Adib who accompanied Suraya’s body that was laying down in the middle of the living room.
Midway in reciting Yaasin, Sahar excused himself to go to the toilet. Stomach ache, he said. Now only Munir and Adib were together with Suraya. Adib who only sat beside Munir earlier suddenly went towards Suraya’s body. He sat next to her head and then rubbed her head. Next, he landed a kiss on Suraya’s cold forehead. Munir simply watched everything without saying anything.
Suddenly, Munir saw Adib doing something that should never be done by anyone. Adib seemed as if he was whispering something to Suraya’s body.
“Adib, what are you doing?” asked Munir with a high tone. He felt uncomfortable with Adib’s action.
“Nothing. I’m just calling my mom…”
“What are you saying? That’s big sis Suraya, not your mom.”
“Yeah… but mom will arrive shortly after…”
The moment Adib said that the living room that was cold suddenly became hot. Extremely hot. As if it was on fire.
Munir stood up. He was confused. Munir looked around, finding the reason why the temperature suddenly increased. Adib also stood up. He took a distance from Suraya’s body.
Without any warning, Suraya’s body that was calmly laying down caught on flames. Every inch of it was licked by the red and burning fire. The fire was big enough to touch the house’s ceiling.
Munir fell down on his behind while watching everything happen in fear. He tried screaming but his voice just wouldn’t come out. Munir could only curl his body, making himself as small as possible in the room. He tried protecting himself from the wild flame that was consuming Suraya’s body.
Munir closed his eyes with both hands. He rocked his body while trembling in fear.
Slowly, Munir felt the heat dissipating until the living room became cold as it was originally.
Munir opened his eyes. Suraya’s body was no longer there. In its place was a woman. The woman was standing while wearing a blue batik that was tied on her chest. Adib approached the woman and hugged her waist. Then Adib said…
“I missed you, mom. Now we can be together again…”
Munir’s vision turned black. He descended into the deep depth of darkness.
[1] Women’s prayer apparel:
