"Tell me your real name, age, planet, and your other powers right now if you don't wanna get hurt," ordered Bok-bok while he walked around him and talked like an investigator. "Did you fall in a vat of chemicals when you were born? Hit by gamma rays? Stung by a radioactive wasp? Ate expired bread? Shoved in a—"
"Are you really not gonna remove that light from me? It's so early and you're already messing around, stop wasting electricity!'
"But it's your fault!" Bok-bok removed the light bulb thrust on Rogelio like a spotlight. "I've been asking you for several days now, and you ain't answering." There’s a stubbornness with Rogelio’s 20 year old friend. A bit bald and a bit fat, standing at five inches and a bit, when the two are together they look like the number "10". The Manglicmots treats Bok-bok as family ever since he was orphaned and had to live with his aunts down the road. Starting with buying junk food until becoming a regular in the store, the poor orphan became Rogelio's playmate and childhood friend. And because he's an obedient and somewhat good kid, Aling Hasmin got used to her son's "twin".
"Ok, let's do this step by step," said Bok-Bok. "So you could light up the whole Fiesta Carnival yourself…"
"You're really an idiot," Rogelio put down the transistor he's fixing. He faces his friend: no reaction, probably tired of messing around as well and ready to listen. He sighs, before turning his chair around and sits with the back of the chair and Bok-bok in front of him. He places both elbows on the backrest, before resting his head on his palms. "If you tell this to anyone, you're gonna wake up tomorrow in a drum filled with cement!"
"I didn't tell anyone when you took a dump on the side of the Cultural Center¹ last we rented a bike, you know!" Bok-bok quickly said in defense to his friend's warning.
Rogelio hesitated, but forced himself to continue with the confession. "I think that my strength really is different from others. From what I see of other people, I don't think they could lift what I’m able to. And I've never felt exhausted."
"Wha— That's it?" Bok-bok said in a mix of amazement and annoyance.
"What do you mean, 'That's it'?"
"Could you fly? Shrink? Disappear? Transform? Lasers that could explode noisy tricycles? Or super speed that you secretly use to beat me in basketball?"
"I don't know…I don't really know yet…"
"Have you tried swallowing razor blades?"
Rogelio's no longer listening to Bok-bok's quips and instead stares at the floor. "But there's something else. Something with electricity…"
"You could electrocute people?"
"No," he looks at Bok-bok. "It's like electricity in my body, or an electric effect, I’m not really sure, but inside my body…sometimes it helps with stuff, sometimes it doesn't…"
Bok-bok spots some copper wire on top of Rogelio's work table, causing him to once again lose attention and start messing around. "Hey! Could you make that toy like in Germs' Special with the curvy wires that buzzes out when the metal handle hits the copper wires, then you gotta go back to the beginning and do it again?" He saw that Rogelio was not pleased, so he went back to the original topic. "Didn't you ever try to learn your full powers?"
His friend just shook his head.
"If you have powers, you should be using them, whether that be in the circus or trying to save people!"
"What, like a superhero?"
Bok-bok stares at him with a smile that's slowly growing.
"Are you nuts?! I can't do that!"
"Why not? Do you need a licence, diploma, or a high NCEE score to fly?"
"Are you crazy? It's a really big responsibility!"
"That you turn your back to now?"
"You're really an idiot…I'm just saying that I'm stronger than other people. What do I know about martial arts, or facing bullets, or folding up tanks?"
"Who's an idiot now? All I said was to use your strength to help people, I didn't say anything about you copying Might Mouse!"
"But why do I have to use this powers anyway?"
"That's life, Rogelio, even I always ask why do I have to be born looking like JC Bonnin!"
Rogelio is still too troubled to pay attention to Bok-bok.
"Think about it, why you lend me your multi-tester, you even teach me about electronics…it's 'cause you want to help people, right? You help people as Rogelio. You share what you have, you do what you can. That's what I'm saying! Why do you help the elderly cross the road? Because you can. Why do you help a child who fell over? Because you can. You have the strength to right the wrongs, to help the weak…"
Rogelio grins, a mix of clarity and annoyance with the fact that in some way you could learn something even from Bok-bok. "So you do get something from watching that Ora Engkantada!"
"Nah, it's just something I picked up from Funny Komiks."
"Alright, I want to help people, as long as I could do it," Rogelio looks at his friend to reinforce what he said. "Only up to what I can do!"
"No problem. If saving an ant drowning in spittle’s the only thing you could do, fine!" Bok-bok guarantees. "But wait, what can you really do anyway?"
In the middle of their conversation they hear the barks of dogs and guys running as if chasing someone. Rogelio pokes his head out the window and sees a woman behind the chasers. "Neighbors! Help!"
Rogelio looks back to Bok-bok: the friend nods: "Game!"
Translators Note:
I don’t know if you’ve noticed by now, but Bob Ong has a habit of dropping references all over his work. This is due to the author’s writing style, who primarily writes comedy relying on references to pop-culture and Philippine life in general. For example, his work ABNKKBSNPLAKo?! (yes that’s a real title, which is a play on the previous Philippine alphabet, the abakada. Lit. Wow, I can actually read now?! I love my language.) is a semi-autobiography with a loose narrative. Most of it’s comedy is derived from things most students who studied in the PH could relate to, but to a foreigner? Not so much.
Captain Who is one of the first (and few) stories by Bob Ong with an actual narrative, and it’s pretty good as well. However, even this book is plagued with references galore.
Therefore, I won’t be translating most of these references because 1.) They don’t really affect the story, and 2.) Most of the references this time are beyond me. People in their 40s will probably catch them but for someone born in the 90s, I have to look up most of this.
So if you ever see things unexplained, it’s probably just unimportant stuff.
1 – Most likely talking about the CCP:
"Tell me your real name, age, planet, and your other powers right now if you don't wanna get hurt," ordered Bok-bok while he walked around him and talked like an investigator. "Did you fall in a vat of chemicals when you were born? Hit by gamma rays? Stung by a radioactive wasp? Ate expired bread? Shoved in a—"
"Are you really not gonna remove that light from me? It's so early and you're already messing around, stop wasting electricity!'
"But it's your fault!" Bok-bok removed the light bulb thrust on Rogelio like a spotlight. "I've been asking you for several days now, and you ain't answering." There’s a stubbornness with Rogelio’s 20 year old friend. A bit bald and a bit fat, standing at five inches and a bit, when the two are together they look like the number "10". The Manglicmots treats Bok-bok as family ever since he was orphaned and had to live with his aunts down the road. Starting with buying junk food until becoming a regular in the store, the poor orphan became Rogelio's playmate and childhood friend. And because he's an obedient and somewhat good kid, Aling Hasmin got used to her son's "twin".
"Ok, let's do this step by step," said Bok-Bok. "So you could light up the whole Fiesta Carnival yourself…"
"You're really an idiot," Rogelio put down the transistor he's fixing. He faces his friend: no reaction, probably tired of messing around as well and ready to listen. He sighs, before turning his chair around and sits with the back of the chair and Bok-bok in front of him. He places both elbows on the backrest, before resting his head on his palms. "If you tell this to anyone, you're gonna wake up tomorrow in a drum filled with cement!"
"I didn't tell anyone when you took a dump on the side of the Cultural Center¹ last we rented a bike, you know!" Bok-bok quickly said in defense to his friend's warning.
Rogelio hesitated, but forced himself to continue with the confession. "I think that my strength really is different from others. From what I see of other people, I don't think they could lift what I’m able to. And I've never felt exhausted."
"Wha— That's it?" Bok-bok said in a mix of amazement and annoyance.
"What do you mean, 'That's it'?"
"Could you fly? Shrink? Disappear? Transform? Lasers that could explode noisy tricycles? Or super speed that you secretly use to beat me in basketball?"
"I don't know…I don't really know yet…"
"Have you tried swallowing razor blades?"
Rogelio's no longer listening to Bok-bok's quips and instead stares at the floor. "But there's something else. Something with electricity…"
"You could electrocute people?"
"No," he looks at Bok-bok. "It's like electricity in my body, or an electric effect, I’m not really sure, but inside my body…sometimes it helps with stuff, sometimes it doesn't…"
Bok-bok spots some copper wire on top of Rogelio's work table, causing him to once again lose attention and start messing around. "Hey! Could you make that toy like in Germs' Special with the curvy wires that buzzes out when the metal handle hits the copper wires, then you gotta go back to the beginning and do it again?" He saw that Rogelio was not pleased, so he went back to the original topic. "Didn't you ever try to learn your full powers?"
His friend just shook his head.
"If you have powers, you should be using them, whether that be in the circus or trying to save people!"
"What, like a superhero?"
Bok-bok stares at him with a smile that's slowly growing.
"Are you nuts?! I can't do that!"
"Why not? Do you need a licence, diploma, or a high NCEE score to fly?"
"Are you crazy? It's a really big responsibility!"
"That you turn your back to now?"
"You're really an idiot…I'm just saying that I'm stronger than other people. What do I know about martial arts, or facing bullets, or folding up tanks?"
"Who's an idiot now? All I said was to use your strength to help people, I didn't say anything about you copying Might Mouse!"
"But why do I have to use this powers anyway?"
"That's life, Rogelio, even I always ask why do I have to be born looking like JC Bonnin!"
Rogelio is still too troubled to pay attention to Bok-bok.
"Think about it, why you lend me your multi-tester, you even teach me about electronics…it's 'cause you want to help people, right? You help people as Rogelio. You share what you have, you do what you can. That's what I'm saying! Why do you help the elderly cross the road? Because you can. Why do you help a child who fell over? Because you can. You have the strength to right the wrongs, to help the weak…"
Rogelio grins, a mix of clarity and annoyance with the fact that in some way you could learn something even from Bok-bok. "So you do get something from watching that Ora Engkantada!"
"Nah, it's just something I picked up from Funny Komiks."
"Alright, I want to help people, as long as I could do it," Rogelio looks at his friend to reinforce what he said. "Only up to what I can do!"
"No problem. If saving an ant drowning in spittle’s the only thing you could do, fine!" Bok-bok guarantees. "But wait, what can you really do anyway?"
In the middle of their conversation they hear the barks of dogs and guys running as if chasing someone. Rogelio pokes his head out the window and sees a woman behind the chasers. "Neighbors! Help!"
Rogelio looks back to Bok-bok: the friend nods: "Game!"
Translators Note:
I don’t know if you’ve noticed by now, but Bob Ong has a habit of dropping references all over his work. This is due to the author’s writing style, who primarily writes comedy relying on references to pop-culture and Philippine life in general. For example, his work ABNKKBSNPLAKo?! (yes that’s a real title, which is a play on the previous Philippine alphabet, the abakada. Lit. Wow, I can actually read now?! I love my language.) is a semi-autobiography with a loose narrative. Most of it’s comedy is derived from things most students who studied in the PH could relate to, but to a foreigner? Not so much.
Captain Who is one of the first (and few) stories by Bob Ong with an actual narrative, and it’s pretty good as well. However, even this book is plagued with references galore.
Therefore, I won’t be translating most of these references because 1.) They don’t really affect the story, and 2.) Most of the references this time are beyond me. People in their 40s will probably catch them but for someone born in the 90s, I have to look up most of this.
So if you ever see things unexplained, it’s probably just unimportant stuff.
1 – Most likely talking about the CCP:
