Chapter 678: For The First Time
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Alice had experienced many forms of fear in her life.
The fear of failure, as her failures almost always led to torture of some kind from Holden or Roman. Whether it was physical punishment or the erasure of her entire personality and memories, it was something she had gotten used to.
She was also familiar with the fear of death, so familiar that it had almost stopped being a fear entirely. Instead, it was an inevitable and natural expectation of her job as a doll. But, being with Axel, seeing the pain in his eyes when she was in danger, she had to force herself to relearn how to be afraid for her own life.
She feared losing the people she loved, Myka and Sofia. Those were the only ones she cared about for a long time. Until she found that strange draw toward the young Alpha of Winter, thoughts of him creeping into her mind even before she knew or remembered who he was.
Warning him about the poison after his ceremony, telling him not to trust her. Her fear of losing him far outweighed her fear of failure or death.
After she was freed from the strings that Holden held her with, Alice discovered that the number of people she was concerned about grew little by little. Myka, Sofia, Axel, Stefan. Those were her people… until Peter and Bell became her people.
Sadie, Corrine, and Galen. Slowly, Alice could no longer state a hard line of who she would protect and defend. Instead, her heart had opened to the people of Winter, the orphans of war, and the family and friends that accepted her.
But from the moment the pregnancy was confirmed, Alice had discovered an entirely new kind of fear.
A blending of failure, loss, and death. Every action she took, her food, and her decisions could endanger the lives growing inside her. And for the first month, Axel was still in a coma.
She was tired and scared all the time. Relieved that his tests were coming back positive, bitter that he wasn’t waking up. Alice ate the meals she needed to. She did the stretching that Bell recommended. She went on short walks with Myka, Stefan, and Sadie to keep from dwelling too long or allowing her ankles to swell too much.
But every bite, every movement, every step, they all left her feeling tired. She was worn down emotionally and physically. She needed Axel to open his eyes. She needed to hear his voice and know that he was all right.
When she found Ashleigh standing in Axel’s room, she knew immediately that it was not a visit to check on her brother. Ashleigh wanted something.
Alice couldn’t blame her. Axel was in a coma, but at least he was in front of her. She knew what had happened to him; if the worst came, she would know that too. But Ashleigh didn’t have any of that for Caleb. There was nothing but uncertainty, fear, and desperate hope.
So, Alice tried to be understanding and patient. But the simple fact was, she couldn’t help Ashleigh even if she wanted to. No one could.
Alice drew a line in the sand that day. It would seem cruel to many, but it was necessary for her. She couldn’t afford to care about Ashleigh’s pain. Not when she was struggling to make it through each day. Not when the two lives inside of her needed everything she had.
After Axel woke, things got better. Alice could breathe again and felt more secure with him by her side. She could enjoy small moments here and there with him as their babies grew.
Ashleigh continued to struggle, and Axel took it to heart.
He was working hard to build the alliances between the packs, to build the foundation of a future where they could all share a voice together. Yet, simultaneously, he was doting on Alice and thrilled to dream of the months ahead when he would meet his children.
But with every passing day, he heard more and more concerning reports about Ashleigh’s behavior and what she was doing to try and find Caleb. Alice had tried to help him deal with these concerns. She encouraged him to talk frankly with Ashleigh, to remind her that as painful as it is, the world does have to move forward.
When Ashleigh requested Axel’s approval for the outing to Moonguard, Alice spoke against it. She had even told Myka that she thought it was not a good idea. Regardless of the safety of Moonguard itself, her concern was whether or not Ashleigh was in a state of mind to go on the trip.
Axel was confident in his decision, and Alice let it go. When Myka told her that the children would join them, she felt uneasy, but again, she let it go. She trusted them and their judgment.
But on the day that she walked into Axel’s office to find his desk flipped, his papers scattered, and a pale and worried look on his face, for the first time, Alice did not feel comforted or reassured by his words or his arms around her.
He told her what Ashleigh had done. But he was sure she had done it, believing she could keep them all safe. That she hadn’t intentionally put Myka and the children at risk.
When word came that Stefan, Myka, and Sadie were injured alongside Ashleigh, Axel was devastated.
Alice had held him in her arms as he cried, and though she wanted to comfort him, to ease his pain. She also clenched her jaw tight and felt the deep welling of anger in her belly.
After he delivered the news to Peter, she saw the bruise on his jaw. But she didn’t feel angry or worried for him. In fact, she walked out of the room without a word, even as he called after her.
She went straight to Peter. He looked at her, his eyes red with worry, anger, and fear. They said nothing, but Alice walked right up to him and hugged him tight until he hugged her back, and they both cried.
They didn’t talk much, only a few words. But Alice stayed nearby as Peter prepared the treatment room. They had dinner together the night before Myka and the children returned to Winter.
Axel had tried to speak with her, but Alice didn’t have the energy to argue with him or explain why she couldn’t talk yet. She told him she needed a little time to herself, and that was all that was said. She stayed in Peter’s old house while Axel returned to their home.
When the four uninjured children arrived ahead of Myka, Sadie, and Stefan, Alice took it upon herself to care for them. She brought them to her house, fed them, and talked with them. They were shaken up but generally unharmed.
While they had no way of knowing that Ashleigh had changed the danger report, they still emphasized that she had protected them and that before they were attacked, they had been preparing to return to Winter ahead of schedule.
Alice escorted the children home, and then she went to the hospital.
She found Sadie and Myka asleep. Both having been treated for their wounds, Alice discovered the sight of their bandages stirred that angry feeling in her belly.
But it was looking at Stefan that really affected her. The bandages covered most of his body, and multiple bags hung from his IV stand. She had heard one of the nurses talking about needing to keep him on a steady stream of sedatives to prevent him from waking from his pain.
She turned to walk away when the growing anger in her belly threatened to boil over, and she found herself staring into the storm clouds that had become her refuge.
“Alice…” Axel whispered. “Can we talk?”
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Alice had experienced many forms of fear in her life.
The fear of failure, as her failures almost always led to torture of some kind from Holden or Roman. Whether it was physical punishment or the erasure of her entire personality and memories, it was something she had gotten used to.
She was also familiar with the fear of death, so familiar that it had almost stopped being a fear entirely. Instead, it was an inevitable and natural expectation of her job as a doll. But, being with Axel, seeing the pain in his eyes when she was in danger, she had to force herself to relearn how to be afraid for her own life.
She feared losing the people she loved, Myka and Sofia. Those were the only ones she cared about for a long time. Until she found that strange draw toward the young Alpha of Winter, thoughts of him creeping into her mind even before she knew or remembered who he was.
Warning him about the poison after his ceremony, telling him not to trust her. Her fear of losing him far outweighed her fear of failure or death.
After she was freed from the strings that Holden held her with, Alice discovered that the number of people she was concerned about grew little by little. Myka, Sofia, Axel, Stefan. Those were her people… until Peter and Bell became her people.
Sadie, Corrine, and Galen. Slowly, Alice could no longer state a hard line of who she would protect and defend. Instead, her heart had opened to the people of Winter, the orphans of war, and the family and friends that accepted her.
But from the moment the pregnancy was confirmed, Alice had discovered an entirely new kind of fear.
A blending of failure, loss, and death. Every action she took, her food, and her decisions could endanger the lives growing inside her. And for the first month, Axel was still in a coma.
She was tired and scared all the time. Relieved that his tests were coming back positive, bitter that he wasn’t waking up. Alice ate the meals she needed to. She did the stretching that Bell recommended. She went on short walks with Myka, Stefan, and Sadie to keep from dwelling too long or allowing her ankles to swell too much.
But every bite, every movement, every step, they all left her feeling tired. She was worn down emotionally and physically. She needed Axel to open his eyes. She needed to hear his voice and know that he was all right.
When she found Ashleigh standing in Axel’s room, she knew immediately that it was not a visit to check on her brother. Ashleigh wanted something.
Alice couldn’t blame her. Axel was in a coma, but at least he was in front of her. She knew what had happened to him; if the worst came, she would know that too. But Ashleigh didn’t have any of that for Caleb. There was nothing but uncertainty, fear, and desperate hope.
So, Alice tried to be understanding and patient. But the simple fact was, she couldn’t help Ashleigh even if she wanted to. No one could.
Alice drew a line in the sand that day. It would seem cruel to many, but it was necessary for her. She couldn’t afford to care about Ashleigh’s pain. Not when she was struggling to make it through each day. Not when the two lives inside of her needed everything she had.
After Axel woke, things got better. Alice could breathe again and felt more secure with him by her side. She could enjoy small moments here and there with him as their babies grew.
Ashleigh continued to struggle, and Axel took it to heart.
He was working hard to build the alliances between the packs, to build the foundation of a future where they could all share a voice together. Yet, simultaneously, he was doting on Alice and thrilled to dream of the months ahead when he would meet his children.
But with every passing day, he heard more and more concerning reports about Ashleigh’s behavior and what she was doing to try and find Caleb. Alice had tried to help him deal with these concerns. She encouraged him to talk frankly with Ashleigh, to remind her that as painful as it is, the world does have to move forward.
When Ashleigh requested Axel’s approval for the outing to Moonguard, Alice spoke against it. She had even told Myka that she thought it was not a good idea. Regardless of the safety of Moonguard itself, her concern was whether or not Ashleigh was in a state of mind to go on the trip.
Axel was confident in his decision, and Alice let it go. When Myka told her that the children would join them, she felt uneasy, but again, she let it go. She trusted them and their judgment.
But on the day that she walked into Axel’s office to find his desk flipped, his papers scattered, and a pale and worried look on his face, for the first time, Alice did not feel comforted or reassured by his words or his arms around her.
He told her what Ashleigh had done. But he was sure she had done it, believing she could keep them all safe. That she hadn’t intentionally put Myka and the children at risk.
When word came that Stefan, Myka, and Sadie were injured alongside Ashleigh, Axel was devastated.
Alice had held him in her arms as he cried, and though she wanted to comfort him, to ease his pain. She also clenched her jaw tight and felt the deep welling of anger in her belly.
After he delivered the news to Peter, she saw the bruise on his jaw. But she didn’t feel angry or worried for him. In fact, she walked out of the room without a word, even as he called after her.
She went straight to Peter. He looked at her, his eyes red with worry, anger, and fear. They said nothing, but Alice walked right up to him and hugged him tight until he hugged her back, and they both cried.
They didn’t talk much, only a few words. But Alice stayed nearby as Peter prepared the treatment room. They had dinner together the night before Myka and the children returned to Winter.
Axel had tried to speak with her, but Alice didn’t have the energy to argue with him or explain why she couldn’t talk yet. She told him she needed a little time to herself, and that was all that was said. She stayed in Peter’s old house while Axel returned to their home.
When the four uninjured children arrived ahead of Myka, Sadie, and Stefan, Alice took it upon herself to care for them. She brought them to her house, fed them, and talked with them. They were shaken up but generally unharmed.
While they had no way of knowing that Ashleigh had changed the danger report, they still emphasized that she had protected them and that before they were attacked, they had been preparing to return to Winter ahead of schedule.
Alice escorted the children home, and then she went to the hospital.
She found Sadie and Myka asleep. Both having been treated for their wounds, Alice discovered the sight of their bandages stirred that angry feeling in her belly.
But it was looking at Stefan that really affected her. The bandages covered most of his body, and multiple bags hung from his IV stand. She had heard one of the nurses talking about needing to keep him on a steady stream of sedatives to prevent him from waking from his pain.
She turned to walk away when the growing anger in her belly threatened to boil over, and she found herself staring into the storm clouds that had become her refuge.
“Alice…” Axel whispered. “Can we talk?”
Alice had experienced many forms of fear in her life. The fear of failure, as her failures almost always led to torture of some kind from Holden or Roman. Whether it was physical punishment or the erasure of her entire personality and memories, it was something she had gotten used to. She was also familiar with the fear of death, so familiar that it had almost stopped being a fear entirely. Instead, it was an inevitable and natural expectation of her job as a doll. But, being with Axel, seeing the pain in his eyes when she was in danger, she had to force herself to relearn how to be afraid for her own life. She feared losing the people she loved, Myka and Sofia. Those were the only ones she cared about for a long time. Until she found that strange draw toward the young Alpha of Winter, thoughts of him creeping into her mind even before she knew or remembered who he was. Warning him about the poison after his ceremony, telling him not to trust her. Her fear of losing him far outweighed her fear of failure or death. After she was freed from the strings that Holden held her with, Alice discovered that the number of people she was concerned about grew little by little. Myka, Sofia, Axel, Stefan. Those were her people until Peter and Bell became her people. Sadie, Corrine, and Galen. Slowly, Alice could no longer state a hard line of who she would protect and defend. Instead, her heart had opened to the people of Winter, the orphans of war, and the family and friends that accepted her. But from the moment the pregnancy was confirmed, Alice had discovered an entirely new kind of fear. A blending of failure, loss, and death. Every action she took, her food, and her decisions could endanger the lives growing inside her. And for the first month, Axel was still in a coma. She was tired and scared all the time. Relieved that his tests were coming back positive, bitter that he wasn't waking up. Alice ate the meals she needed to. She did the stretching that Bell recommended. She went on short walks with Myka, Stefan, and Sadie to keep from dwelling too long or allowing her ankles to swell too much. But every bite, every movement, every step, they all left her feeling tired. She was worn down emotionally and physically. She needed Axel to open his eyes. She needed to hear his voice and know that he was all right. When she found Ashleigh standing in Axel's room, she knew immediately that it was not a visit to check on her brother. Ashleigh wanted something. Alice couldn't blame her. Axel was in a coma, but at least he was in front of her. She knew what had happened to him; if the worst came, she would know that too. But Ashleigh didn't have any of that for Caleb. There was nothing but uncertainty, fear, and desperate hope. So, Alice tried to be understanding and patient. But the simple fact was, she couldn't help Ashleigh even if she wanted to. No one could. Alice drew a line in the sand that day. It would seem cruel to many, but it was necessary for her. She couldn't afford to care about Ashleigh's pain. Not when she was struggling to make it through each day. Not when the two lives inside of her needed everything she had. After Axel woke, things got better. Alice could breathe again and felt more secure with him by her side. She could enjoy small moments here and there with him as their babies grew. Ashleigh continued to struggle, and Axel took it to heart. He was working hard to build the alliances between the packs, to build the foundation of a future where they could all share a voice together. Yet, simultaneously, he was doting on Alice and thrilled to dream of the months ahead when he would meet his children. But with every passing day, he heard more and more concerning reports about Ashleigh's behavior and what she was doing to try and find Caleb. Alice had tried to help him deal with these concerns. She encouraged him to talk frankly with Ashleigh, to remind her that as painful as it is, the world does have to move forward. When Ashleigh requested Axel's approval for the outing to Moonguard, Alice spoke against it. She had even told Myka that she thought it was not a good idea. Regardless of the safety of Moonguard itself, her concern was whether or not Ashleigh was in a state of mind to go on the trip. Axel was confident in his decision, and Alice let it go. When Myka told her that the children would join them, she felt uneasy, but again, she let it go. She trusted them and their judgment. But on the day that she walked into Axel's office to find his desk flipped, his papers scattered, and a pale and worried look on his face, for the first time, Alice did not feel comforted or reassured by his words or his arms around her. He told her what Ashleigh had done. But he was sure she had done it, believing she could keep them all safe. That she hadn't intentionally put Myka and the children at risk. When word came that Stefan, Myka, and Sadie were injured alongside Ashleigh, Axel was devastated. Alice had held him in her arms as he cried, and though she wanted to comfort him, to ease his pain. She also clenched her jaw tight and felt the deep welling of anger in her belly. After he delivered the news to Peter, she saw the bruise on his jaw. But she didn't feel angry or worried for him. In fact, she walked out of the room without a word, even as he called after her. She went straight to Peter. He looked at her, his eyes red with worry, anger, and fear. They said nothing, but Alice walked right up to him and hugged him tight until he hugged her back, and they both cried. They didn't talk much, only a few words. But Alice stayed nearby as Peter prepared the treatment room. They had dinner together the night before Myka and the children returned to Winter. Axel had tried to speak with her, but Alice didn't have the energy to argue with him or explain why she couldn't talk yet. She told him she needed a little time to herself, and that was all that was said. She stayed in Peter's old house while Axel returned to their home. When the four uninjured children arrived ahead of Myka, Sadie, and Stefan, Alice took it upon herself to care for them. She brought them to her house, fed them, and talked with them. They were shaken up but generally unharmed. While they had no way of knowing that Ashleigh had changed the danger report, they still emphasized that she had protected them and that before they were attacked, they had been preparing to return to Winter ahead of schedule. Alice escorted the children home, and then she went to the hospital. She found Sadie and Myka asleep. Both having been treated for their wounds, Alice discovered the sight of their bandages stirred that angry feeling in her belly. But it was looking at Stefan that really affected her. The bandages covered most of his body, and multiple bags hung from his IV stand. She had heard one of the nurses talking about needing to keep him on a steady stream of sedatives to prevent him from waking from his pain. She turned to walk away when the growing anger in her belly threatened to boil over, and she found herself staring into the storm clouds that had become her refuge. Alice Axel whispered. Can we talk?
