Chapter 679: An Afterthought
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Alice took a deep breath and looked away from Axel’s pained gaze.
“I can’t right now,” Alice said.
She tried to move past him, but he put a gentle arm out to stop her.
“Please,” he whispered. “Just for a minute.”
Alice could have pulled away, she could have refused, and he would have stepped aside to keep from pushing her too hard. But instead, she sighed and nodded before following him to one of the small waiting rooms.
After closing the door behind him, Axel turned and looked her in the eye. He gave her a soft smile, and Alice felt a painful twinge in her heart.
“Are you feeling okay?” he asked. “Have you been eating? Doing the stretches that the doctor recommended?”
Alice nodded.
“I have been quite obedient,” she said. “I am good at following instructions.”
Axel let out a mournful sigh and took a step closer to her.
“I miss you,” he whispered.
Alice looked up at him.
“I miss you too,” she said.
He took another step and reached his hands out to touch her shoulders.
“Come home,” he said, gently squeezing her shoulders. “I know you’re angry at me, and I understand. But we can work through it together. I will sleep on the couch or on the floor. I just… I want you to come home.”
Alice took a breath.
“I can’t,” she said. “Not yet. Not until I clear my head a little more.”
“Why?” he asked softly, pulling his hands away from her. “Why can’t we work through this together?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt you,” she said.
Axel furrowed his brows. He clenched his jaw and looked away with teary eyes.
“Being apart hurts a lot more than anything you could say,” he said. “But I know I let you down. I know you’re angry at me, and I understand.”
“I’m not angry at you, Axel,” Alice said, tilting her head to look at him. “I know you aren’t to blame for what happened.”
Axel swallowed and turned slowly to look back at her.
“You’re not?”
Alice shook her head.
Axel’s face crumpled, and he took in a shaky breath. He turned suddenly and pulled Alice into his arms. He held her close as the tears fell from his eyes, and gentle sobs escaped his lips.
Alice took a deep breath and returned his hug. She closed her eyes and let his scent fall over her. He was the man she loved. The father of her children. And it felt good to be in his arms and to hold him again.
She wasn’t angry with him, but there was another feeling that she couldn’t shake. Something that confused and bothered her more than anything.
“Axel?” she whispered.
“Yes?” he said, still holding her close.
“Will Ashleigh return to Winter when her treatment is done?” she asked.
“I’m not sure,” he replied. “Bell told me this afternoon that she expected the treatment would probably take at least a month, possibly two. So she won’t be able to leave Summer before then.”
“But when the treatment is over, when she is cleared medically from Summer,” Alice said, “will she be returning to Winter?”
Axel pulled back away from her just enough to look into her eyes while keeping his hands on her waist.
“I… don’t know,” he said. “That depends on Ashleigh.”
Alice looked away from him.
“What if…” she began. “What if I asked that she not return?”
Alice turned back and looked up into his eyes, seeing them widen at her words.
“What would you say if I asked for that?”
Axel swallowed. He furrowed his brows and looked away.
“Alice…” he whispered.
She took a slow breath through her nose and took two steps away from him, far enough that his hands fell from her waist.
“It’s all right,” she smiled. “I know the answer.”
“Alice…” he said again.
“You were shocked,” Alice began, “when you learned that she had changed the report to get your approval for her mission. But I wasn’t.”
Alice smiled a gentle, sad smile.
“While you slept in that hospital bed, Ashleigh never visited,” she continued. “She came one time, and it was not for you.”
Axel furrowed his brow; this was the first time he had heard of this.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
Alice licked her lips and cleared her throat.
“She came to convince me to lead her into and through Spring. To take her to the mound.”
Axel’s eyes widened.
“That’s insane!” he shouted. “That place is far too dangerous! It’s got the highest concentration of fae than any other territory!”
Alice nodded.
“Ashleigh was aware of that and of the fact that I was pregnant and you were in a coma,” she said. “But still, she insisted.”
Axel clenched his jaw and looked away. He knew that she was desperate, but he didn’t realize how long it had been that way. He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling very tired. He looked up at Alice.
“I’m sorry,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “She never should have asked that of you.”
“Why are you apologizing?” she asked.
Axel looked at her with a confused expression, and Alice smiled. But this smile made his heart ache.
“You are not responsible for her actions or choices,” Alice said. “But, if you continue to try and take responsibility for them or make excuses for her… I might start to blame you.”
Axel felt his heart drop into his stomach.
“I know that Ashleigh is desperate and in pain,” she continued. “I know you want to save your sister from her heartache.”
Alice took another breath.
“But don’t mistake your good intentions for her needs,” she said. “She does not want your help or your protection. She wants Caleb. She needs to find him or accept that he is gone. And that is not something you can help her do.”
Axel lowered his gaze.
“I am not angry at you, Axel. I never was,” she said. “But, hearing you make excuses for Ashleigh, as her decisions hurt members of my family…. It’s the first time I have felt disappointed in you. It’s my first time questioning whether I could rely on you.”
“Alice, I would never—”
“I’m not saying you would ever put us in danger,” she interrupted. “But if you keep choosing to focus on someone that doesn’t want your help, someone that is hurting themselves and others even as it breaks your heart and wears you down... Will there be any of you left for me and our children?”
Axel took a shaky breath. He didn’t know how to respond but knew he didn’t want to let things be like this.
“Alice…” he began, but words failed him.
Alice swallowed and licked her lips. She wiped her eyes just as the tears were about to fall.
“I need some time, Axel,” she said. “When I see Stefan, Sadie, and Myka. The injuries on their bodies, I do feel angry toward your sister. And I know that you will defend her, which I understand. But it still leaves a bitterness in my heart, and feeling this way… is uncomfortable.”
He listened, and he understood. He wanted to deny it, to promise her that he would not let himself get lost in trying to take care of Ashleigh. But the truth was, even now, he was still trying to take care of his sister.
Axel hadn’t come in search of Alice to try and solve the problems between them. Instead, he had run across her while looking for Myka.
He had waited at the hospital entrance to greet Myka, intent on pulling him aside and apologizing on behalf of Ashleigh and trying to find a way to make up for her mistakes.
Axel was ashamed to admit to himself that Alice, and their problems, had been an afterthought.
So, now, as she looked at him with those vulnerable eyes, all Axel could do was nod in understanding.
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Alice took a deep breath and looked away from Axel’s pained gaze.
“I can’t right now,” Alice said.
She tried to move past him, but he put a gentle arm out to stop her.
“Please,” he whispered. “Just for a minute.”
Alice could have pulled away, she could have refused, and he would have stepped aside to keep from pushing her too hard. But instead, she sighed and nodded before following him to one of the small waiting rooms.
After closing the door behind him, Axel turned and looked her in the eye. He gave her a soft smile, and Alice felt a painful twinge in her heart.
“Are you feeling okay?” he asked. “Have you been eating? Doing the stretches that the doctor recommended?”
Alice nodded.
“I have been quite obedient,” she said. “I am good at following instructions.”
Axel let out a mournful sigh and took a step closer to her.
“I miss you,” he whispered.
Alice looked up at him.
“I miss you too,” she said.
He took another step and reached his hands out to touch her shoulders.
“Come home,” he said, gently squeezing her shoulders. “I know you’re angry at me, and I understand. But we can work through it together. I will sleep on the couch or on the floor. I just… I want you to come home.”
Alice took a breath.
“I can’t,” she said. “Not yet. Not until I clear my head a little more.”
“Why?” he asked softly, pulling his hands away from her. “Why can’t we work through this together?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt you,” she said.
Axel furrowed his brows. He clenched his jaw and looked away with teary eyes.
“Being apart hurts a lot more than anything you could say,” he said. “But I know I let you down. I know you’re angry at me, and I understand.”
“I’m not angry at you, Axel,” Alice said, tilting her head to look at him. “I know you aren’t to blame for what happened.”
Axel swallowed and turned slowly to look back at her.
“You’re not?”
Alice shook her head.
Axel’s face crumpled, and he took in a shaky breath. He turned suddenly and pulled Alice into his arms. He held her close as the tears fell from his eyes, and gentle sobs escaped his lips.
Alice took a deep breath and returned his hug. She closed her eyes and let his scent fall over her. He was the man she loved. The father of her children. And it felt good to be in his arms and to hold him again.
She wasn’t angry with him, but there was another feeling that she couldn’t shake. Something that confused and bothered her more than anything.
“Axel?” she whispered.
“Yes?” he said, still holding her close.
“Will Ashleigh return to Winter when her treatment is done?” she asked.
“I’m not sure,” he replied. “Bell told me this afternoon that she expected the treatment would probably take at least a month, possibly two. So she won’t be able to leave Summer before then.”
“But when the treatment is over, when she is cleared medically from Summer,” Alice said, “will she be returning to Winter?”
Axel pulled back away from her just enough to look into her eyes while keeping his hands on her waist.
“I… don’t know,” he said. “That depends on Ashleigh.”
Alice looked away from him.
“What if…” she began. “What if I asked that she not return?”
Alice turned back and looked up into his eyes, seeing them widen at her words.
“What would you say if I asked for that?”
Axel swallowed. He furrowed his brows and looked away.
“Alice…” he whispered.
She took a slow breath through her nose and took two steps away from him, far enough that his hands fell from her waist.
“It’s all right,” she smiled. “I know the answer.”
“Alice…” he said again.
“You were shocked,” Alice began, “when you learned that she had changed the report to get your approval for her mission. But I wasn’t.”
Alice smiled a gentle, sad smile.
“While you slept in that hospital bed, Ashleigh never visited,” she continued. “She came one time, and it was not for you.”
Axel furrowed his brow; this was the first time he had heard of this.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
Alice licked her lips and cleared her throat.
“She came to convince me to lead her into and through Spring. To take her to the mound.”
Axel’s eyes widened.
“That’s insane!” he shouted. “That place is far too dangerous! It’s got the highest concentration of fae than any other territory!”
Alice nodded.
“Ashleigh was aware of that and of the fact that I was pregnant and you were in a coma,” she said. “But still, she insisted.”
Axel clenched his jaw and looked away. He knew that she was desperate, but he didn’t realize how long it had been that way. He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling very tired. He looked up at Alice.
“I’m sorry,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “She never should have asked that of you.”
“Why are you apologizing?” she asked.
Axel looked at her with a confused expression, and Alice smiled. But this smile made his heart ache.
“You are not responsible for her actions or choices,” Alice said. “But, if you continue to try and take responsibility for them or make excuses for her… I might start to blame you.”
Axel felt his heart drop into his stomach.
“I know that Ashleigh is desperate and in pain,” she continued. “I know you want to save your sister from her heartache.”
Alice took another breath.
“But don’t mistake your good intentions for her needs,” she said. “She does not want your help or your protection. She wants Caleb. She needs to find him or accept that he is gone. And that is not something you can help her do.”
Axel lowered his gaze.
“I am not angry at you, Axel. I never was,” she said. “But, hearing you make excuses for Ashleigh, as her decisions hurt members of my family…. It’s the first time I have felt disappointed in you. It’s my first time questioning whether I could rely on you.”
“Alice, I would never—”
“I’m not saying you would ever put us in danger,” she interrupted. “But if you keep choosing to focus on someone that doesn’t want your help, someone that is hurting themselves and others even as it breaks your heart and wears you down... Will there be any of you left for me and our children?”
Axel took a shaky breath. He didn’t know how to respond but knew he didn’t want to let things be like this.
“Alice…” he began, but words failed him.
Alice swallowed and licked her lips. She wiped her eyes just as the tears were about to fall.
“I need some time, Axel,” she said. “When I see Stefan, Sadie, and Myka. The injuries on their bodies, I do feel angry toward your sister. And I know that you will defend her, which I understand. But it still leaves a bitterness in my heart, and feeling this way… is uncomfortable.”
He listened, and he understood. He wanted to deny it, to promise her that he would not let himself get lost in trying to take care of Ashleigh. But the truth was, even now, he was still trying to take care of his sister.
Axel hadn’t come in search of Alice to try and solve the problems between them. Instead, he had run across her while looking for Myka.
He had waited at the hospital entrance to greet Myka, intent on pulling him aside and apologizing on behalf of Ashleigh and trying to find a way to make up for her mistakes.
Axel was ashamed to admit to himself that Alice, and their problems, had been an afterthought.
So, now, as she looked at him with those vulnerable eyes, all Axel could do was nod in understanding.
Alice took a deep breath and looked away from Axel's pained gaze. I can't right now, Alice said. She tried to move past him, but he put a gentle arm out to stop her. Please, he whispered. Just for a minute. Alice could have pulled away, she could have refused, and he would have stepped aside to keep from pushing her too hard. But instead, she sighed and nodded before following him to one of the small waiting rooms. After closing the door behind him, Axel turned and looked her in the eye. He gave her a soft smile, and Alice felt a painful twinge in her heart. Are you feeling okay? he asked. Have you been eating? Doing the stretches that the doctor recommended? Alice nodded. I have been quite obedient, she said. I am good at following instructions. Axel let out a mournful sigh and took a step closer to her. I miss you, he whispered. Alice looked up at him. I miss you too, she said. He took another step and reached his hands out to touch her shoulders. Come home, he said, gently squeezing her shoulders. I know you're angry at me, and I understand. But we can work through it together. I will sleep on the couch or on the floor. I just I want you to come home. Alice took a breath. I can't, she said. Not yet. Not until I clear my head a little more. Why? he asked softly, pulling his hands away from her. Why can't we work through this together? Because I don't want to hurt you, she said. Axel furrowed his brows. He clenched his jaw and looked away with teary eyes. Being apart hurts a lot more than anything you could say, he said. But I know I let you down. I know you're angry at me, and I understand. I'm not angry at you, Axel, Alice said, tilting her head to look at him. I know you aren't to blame for what happened. Axel swallowed and turned slowly to look back at her. You're not? Alice shook her head. Axel's face crumpled, and he took in a shaky breath. He turned suddenly and pulled Alice into his arms. He held her close as the tears fell from his eyes, and gentle sobs escaped his lips. Alice took a deep breath and returned his hug. She closed her eyes and let his scent fall over her. He was the man she loved. The father of her children. And it felt good to be in his arms and to hold him again. She wasn't angry with him, but there was another feeling that she couldn't shake. Something that confused and bothered her more than anything. Axel? she whispered. Yes? he said, still holding her close. Will Ashleigh return to Winter when her treatment is done? she asked. I'm not sure, he replied. Bell told me this afternoon that she expected the treatment would probably take at least a month, possibly two. So she won't be able to leave Summer before then. But when the treatment is over, when she is cleared medically from Summer, Alice said, will she be returning to Winter? Axel pulled back away from her just enough to look into her eyes while keeping his hands on her waist. I don't know, he said. That depends on Ashleigh. Alice looked away from him. What if she began. What if I asked that she not return? Alice turned back and looked up into his eyes, seeing them widen at her words. What would you say if I asked for that? Axel swallowed. He furrowed his brows and looked away. Alice he whispered. She took a slow breath through her nose and took two steps away from him, far enough that his hands fell from her waist. It's all right, she smiled. I know the answer. Alice he said again. You were shocked, Alice began, when you learned that she had changed the report to get your approval for her mission. But I wasn't. Alice smiled a gentle, sad smile. While you slept in that hospital bed, Ashleigh never visited, she continued. She came one time, and it was not for you. Axel furrowed his brow; this was the first time he had heard of this. What do you mean? he asked. Alice licked her lips and cleared her throat. She came to convince me to lead her into and through Spring. To take her to the mound. Axel's eyes widened. That's insane! he shouted. That place is far too dangerous! It's got the highest concentration of fae than any other territory! Alice nodded. Ashleigh was aware of that and of the fact that I was pregnant and you were in a coma, she said. But still, she insisted. Axel clenched his jaw and looked away. He knew that she was desperate, but he didn't realize how long it had been that way. He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling very tired. He looked up at Alice. I'm sorry, he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. She never should have asked that of you. Why are you apologizing? she asked. Axel looked at her with a confused expression, and Alice smiled. But this smile made his heart ache. You are not responsible for her actions or choices, Alice said. But, if you continue to try and take responsibility for them or make excuses for her I might start to blame you. Axel felt his heart drop into his stomach. I know that Ashleigh is desperate and in pain, she continued. I know you want to save your sister from her heartache. Alice took another breath. But don't mistake your good intentions for her needs, she said. She does not want your help or your protection. She wants Caleb. She needs to find him or accept that he is gone. And that is not something you can help her do. Axel lowered his gaze. I am not angry at you, Axel. I never was, she said. But, hearing you make excuses for Ashleigh, as her decisions hurt members of my family. It's the first time I have felt disappointed in you. It's my first time questioning whether I could rely on you. Alice, I would never I'm not saying you would ever put us in danger, she interrupted. But if you keep choosing to focus on someone that doesn't want your help, someone that is hurting themselves and others even as it breaks your heart and wears you down... Will there be any of you left for me and our children? Axel took a shaky breath. He didn't know how to respond but knew he didn't want to let things be like this. Alice he began, but words failed him. Alice swallowed and licked her lips. She wiped her eyes just as the tears were about to fall. I need some time, Axel, she said. When I see Stefan, Sadie, and Myka. The injuries on their bodies, I do feel angry toward your sister. And I know that you will defend her, which I understand. But it still leaves a bitterness in my heart, and feeling this way is uncomfortable. He listened, and he understood. He wanted to deny it, to promise her that he would not let himself get lost in trying to take care of Ashleigh. But the truth was, even now, he was still trying to take care of his sister. Axel hadn't come in search of Alice to try and solve the problems between them. Instead, he had run across her while looking for Myka. He had waited at the hospital entrance to greet Myka, intent on pulling him aside and apologizing on behalf of Ashleigh and trying to find a way to make up for her mistakes. Axel was ashamed to admit to himself that Alice, and their problems, had been an afterthought. So, now, as she looked at him with those vulnerable eyes, all Axel could do was nod in understanding.
