Still holding onto Alana who isn’t keen to let go of me, I take a seat on the corner of the bed. There’s no point in circling the burning bush and my wife has always been a fan of directness. Her eyes hold expectations. I steel myself. “You went too far today.”
“I know. Forgive me, my love.”
I freeze, physically and mentally. That…that was too easy. Far too easy. Where’s the loud proclamation that strength justifies all? The violent struggle to subdue her before she stops to listen to me? What…she doesn’t just admit she’s wrong. And the look she’s giving me. The upturned eyes, the hunched shoulders. All of it says submission. The exact opposite of how she normally is.
“I have been thinking about your words.” Kierra averts her eyes and lowers her head. I’d almost say she looks guilty. “There is…a large difference in my culture and yours. When I first came to this kingdom, I was…unimpressed. With your father, his territory, his people. Your capital and your leaders were similarly unimpressive. Humanity…is weakness. I thought it would be better to stamp out the humanity.” She hums. “If I am honest, a part of me still believes this. I know you are hurt…but I do not understand.”
A raised hand stops me from responding. “I may not understand but I do not need to.” She looks back at me and smiles softly. “When we met, you accepted me. You did not understand but you embraced me. Then I shall do the same.” She shakes her head, lips quirking in a smile. “I will embrace you as you are. My…gentle conqueror.”
I bow my head, heart painfully pounding in my chest under an onslaught of turbulent emotions. Saints. She’s irresistible as a savage beast. Soft and understanding Kierra is simply unfair. How am I supposed to be angry with her like this?
She sighs. “I cannot lie and say that I will not push you. I must. There is no other way I can live. I will learn your boundaries but there is a chance I may push beyond them again before I do. Be patient with me…please.”
Stop it. My heart might melt out of my chest at this rate. It feels more like warm goop than flesh. Our eyes meet as she raises her head and I smile helplessly. No, no. I can’t be foiled by pretty eyes and sweet words. What happened to my determination before I walked into this room?
“Just…listen. We don’t always have to talk with our fists. Sometimes, I just want to talk about things. Before the bloodshed.”
The look she gives me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I’d started speaking another language. She nods her head with obvious reluctance. “Words. Mm.”
“Kii. Promise me.”
She hums with a little more conviction. “I will listen, dedia.”
Good. Okay. Um, well. Honestly didn’t expect this to go so well. There’s a lot of…I don’t know. A lot of energy that I don’t know what to do with. It’s like I ran full force at a wall, intending to barrel through it, but someone moved the wall before the collision. It’s great not having to ram my head against a tough barrier but it’s a little disorientating having my expectations undermined.
Tightening arms draw my attention down to the woman clinging to me. Like Kierra, she doesn’t want to look at me. I didn’t come prepared for a fight with her but unfortunately, that doesn’t mean speaking with her is any easier. In a way, it’s more nerve-wracking than talking with Kierra. At least with her, I knew what to expect. Or at least, thought I knew. With Alana, it’s new territory.
Still, after the rousing success of my first emotional confrontation, I’m feeling a little confident. I raise Alana’s chin, offering her a comforting smile. “Going to hide from me all night?”
“…no.” Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she sits up straight and faces me. She forces her features into a stern mask but it’s riddled with cracks. Too many emotions to perfectly smooth over but I don’t ruin her efforts by pointing them out. “I should start with an apology.”
It might sound ungenerous but I don’t know if she knows what she’s apologizing for. I can’t let go of that thought and I end up asking, “For what?”
She frowns. “For pushing you into an uncomfortable position. I…I knew you didn’t want to kill the hunters. I also didn’t but when I…when I was faced with the choice between their lives and advancing my goals, I didn’t care. And I knew if I pushed, you would support me. I…took advantage of your feelings. I hurt you. I’m sorry.”
Did they plan this? Did they scheme to weaken me with coordinated attacks of sincerity? I could believe that far easier than both of them independently deciding to be so open and honest. It’s incredibly effective. Looking in her teary eyes, the last of my anger is quietly strangled.
“We can go.”
“Alana…”
She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand and steels her features. “We can leave Victory. We…I don’t need this place. I don’t want you to think that I would sacrifice you for my family. I…I love you. And if we have to leave to—"
“No.”
She stops, lips parting as she gapes at me. “What?”
“We’re not leaving.” I smile at her warmly. “I know like you know that this place and the north is too important to you.” I didn’t like the way her father spoke of the James connection to the north. As heartwarming as it is to know that she’s willing to abandon Victory for me and as much as I would love to believe I’d be enough, the truth is, I have my doubts. We could run but the shadow of her home would always be there. Worse, she could come to resent me. No, I can’t risk that. “We stay. But there’s going to be a change in how we do things.”
Her expression falls. “Right. You can’t trust me.”
“Of course I trust you, sweetie,” I say quickly. “Saints, I’d trust you more than I’d trust myself…on most things. But not this. And that’s okay! It just means we have to have a bit more discussion and I’m going to need a few more details before agreeing to any more plans.”
She nods, still looking quite unhappy. So I kiss her. It wipes the small frown from her face but there’s still a sadness in her eyes. It’s still there as I wrap my arms around her and drag her with me to lie down. A green arm goes around us as Kierra presses against my back, putting her chin on the top of my head.
I bask in the moment of closeness but it’s not right. There’s an underlying tension I don’t know how to fix. I don’t know what to say. Maybe there’s nothing I can say. Instead, I offer a distraction. “I had some interesting conversations when I went for a walk.”
Kierra hums, telling me to continue. Alana shifts but says nothing.
“You two should guess. I bet you won’t get it.”
“Yulianna,” my sad saint mumbles into my chest.
“Uh…yes. How’d you know?”
“She smelled blood and pounced. It’s what she does.”
“What do—"
A scoff cuts me off. “Are you saying she didn’t try to recruit you? I won’t believe you.”
I keep silent. Maybe Alana’s judgment isn’t completely compromised when it comes to her family. “I’m sure there was a recruitment somewhere in there but most of it was concern.”
She stiffens in my arms. “Don’t tell me you fell for that nonsense.”
“I didn’t fall for anything. Come on, there’s still another encounter you have to guess. I know you won’t get this one.”
“Zach,” she says immediately.
“What? That doesn’t make sense.”
“All of this would be worth it if he could recruit you.”
“…there’s no way he’s that shameless.”
“He’d have to be at least that daring to be the favored heir.”
“Wow. And you’re wrong.”
“Kalise?” Kierra guesses. “She is interested in us. If she has not found us yet, she will soon.”
“Wasn’t her.”
They throw out a few more guesses that I knock down one by one. After savoring Alana’s rising confusion, I finally give her the answer. “Your father came out of the house to speak with me.” If I wasn’t as strong as I am, she’d have leapt out of my arms.
“What?”
“Relax. It was a pleasant conversation.”
“Wha—but—you—"
“He asked me to make you happy.”
Her mutterings turn into unintelligible squawks and screeches. I chuckle as the last remnants of tension in the room disappear.
Still holding onto Alana who isn’t keen to let go of me, I take a seat on the corner of the bed. There’s no point in circling the burning bush and my wife has always been a fan of directness. Her eyes hold expectations. I steel myself. “You went too far today.”
“I know. Forgive me, my love.”
I freeze, physically and mentally. That…that was too easy. Far too easy. Where’s the loud proclamation that strength justifies all? The violent struggle to subdue her before she stops to listen to me? What…she doesn’t just admit she’s wrong. And the look she’s giving me. The upturned eyes, the hunched shoulders. All of it says submission. The exact opposite of how she normally is.
“I have been thinking about your words.” Kierra averts her eyes and lowers her head. I’d almost say she looks guilty. “There is…a large difference in my culture and yours. When I first came to this kingdom, I was…unimpressed. With your father, his territory, his people. Your capital and your leaders were similarly unimpressive. Humanity…is weakness. I thought it would be better to stamp out the humanity.” She hums. “If I am honest, a part of me still believes this. I know you are hurt…but I do not understand.”
A raised hand stops me from responding. “I may not understand but I do not need to.” She looks back at me and smiles softly. “When we met, you accepted me. You did not understand but you embraced me. Then I shall do the same.” She shakes her head, lips quirking in a smile. “I will embrace you as you are. My…gentle conqueror.”
I bow my head, heart painfully pounding in my chest under an onslaught of turbulent emotions. Saints. She’s irresistible as a savage beast. Soft and understanding Kierra is simply unfair. How am I supposed to be angry with her like this?
She sighs. “I cannot lie and say that I will not push you. I must. There is no other way I can live. I will learn your boundaries but there is a chance I may push beyond them again before I do. Be patient with me…please.”
Stop it. My heart might melt out of my chest at this rate. It feels more like warm goop than flesh. Our eyes meet as she raises her head and I smile helplessly. No, no. I can’t be foiled by pretty eyes and sweet words. What happened to my determination before I walked into this room?
“Just…listen. We don’t always have to talk with our fists. Sometimes, I just want to talk about things. Before the bloodshed.”
The look she gives me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I’d started speaking another language. She nods her head with obvious reluctance. “Words. Mm.”
“Kii. Promise me.”
She hums with a little more conviction. “I will listen, dedia.”
Good. Okay. Um, well. Honestly didn’t expect this to go so well. There’s a lot of…I don’t know. A lot of energy that I don’t know what to do with. It’s like I ran full force at a wall, intending to barrel through it, but someone moved the wall before the collision. It’s great not having to ram my head against a tough barrier but it’s a little disorientating having my expectations undermined.
Tightening arms draw my attention down to the woman clinging to me. Like Kierra, she doesn’t want to look at me. I didn’t come prepared for a fight with her but unfortunately, that doesn’t mean speaking with her is any easier. In a way, it’s more nerve-wracking than talking with Kierra. At least with her, I knew what to expect. Or at least, thought I knew. With Alana, it’s new territory.
Still, after the rousing success of my first emotional confrontation, I’m feeling a little confident. I raise Alana’s chin, offering her a comforting smile. “Going to hide from me all night?”
“…no.” Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she sits up straight and faces me. She forces her features into a stern mask but it’s riddled with cracks. Too many emotions to perfectly smooth over but I don’t ruin her efforts by pointing them out. “I should start with an apology.”
It might sound ungenerous but I don’t know if she knows what she’s apologizing for. I can’t let go of that thought and I end up asking, “For what?”
She frowns. “For pushing you into an uncomfortable position. I…I knew you didn’t want to kill the hunters. I also didn’t but when I…when I was faced with the choice between their lives and advancing my goals, I didn’t care. And I knew if I pushed, you would support me. I…took advantage of your feelings. I hurt you. I’m sorry.”
Did they plan this? Did they scheme to weaken me with coordinated attacks of sincerity? I could believe that far easier than both of them independently deciding to be so open and honest. It’s incredibly effective. Looking in her teary eyes, the last of my anger is quietly strangled.
“We can go.”
“Alana…”
She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand and steels her features. “We can leave Victory. We…I don’t need this place. I don’t want you to think that I would sacrifice you for my family. I…I love you. And if we have to leave to—"
“No.”
She stops, lips parting as she gapes at me. “What?”
“We’re not leaving.” I smile at her warmly. “I know like you know that this place and the north is too important to you.” I didn’t like the way her father spoke of the James connection to the north. As heartwarming as it is to know that she’s willing to abandon Victory for me and as much as I would love to believe I’d be enough, the truth is, I have my doubts. We could run but the shadow of her home would always be there. Worse, she could come to resent me. No, I can’t risk that. “We stay. But there’s going to be a change in how we do things.”
Her expression falls. “Right. You can’t trust me.”
“Of course I trust you, sweetie,” I say quickly. “Saints, I’d trust you more than I’d trust myself…on most things. But not this. And that’s okay! It just means we have to have a bit more discussion and I’m going to need a few more details before agreeing to any more plans.”
She nods, still looking quite unhappy. So I kiss her. It wipes the small frown from her face but there’s still a sadness in her eyes. It’s still there as I wrap my arms around her and drag her with me to lie down. A green arm goes around us as Kierra presses against my back, putting her chin on the top of my head.
I bask in the moment of closeness but it’s not right. There’s an underlying tension I don’t know how to fix. I don’t know what to say. Maybe there’s nothing I can say. Instead, I offer a distraction. “I had some interesting conversations when I went for a walk.”
Kierra hums, telling me to continue. Alana shifts but says nothing.
“You two should guess. I bet you won’t get it.”
“Yulianna,” my sad saint mumbles into my chest.
“Uh…yes. How’d you know?”
“She smelled blood and pounced. It’s what she does.”
“What do—"
A scoff cuts me off. “Are you saying she didn’t try to recruit you? I won’t believe you.”
I keep silent. Maybe Alana’s judgment isn’t completely compromised when it comes to her family. “I’m sure there was a recruitment somewhere in there but most of it was concern.”
She stiffens in my arms. “Don’t tell me you fell for that nonsense.”
“I didn’t fall for anything. Come on, there’s still another encounter you have to guess. I know you won’t get this one.”
“Zach,” she says immediately.
“What? That doesn’t make sense.”
“All of this would be worth it if he could recruit you.”
“…there’s no way he’s that shameless.”
“He’d have to be at least that daring to be the favored heir.”
“Wow. And you’re wrong.”
“Kalise?” Kierra guesses. “She is interested in us. If she has not found us yet, she will soon.”
“Wasn’t her.”
They throw out a few more guesses that I knock down one by one. After savoring Alana’s rising confusion, I finally give her the answer. “Your father came out of the house to speak with me.” If I wasn’t as strong as I am, she’d have leapt out of my arms.
“What?”
“Relax. It was a pleasant conversation.”
“Wha—but—you—"
“He asked me to make you happy.”
Her mutterings turn into unintelligible squawks and screeches. I chuckle as the last remnants of tension in the room disappear.
