Heart to Heart
When Zhao Yu came out of the shower, Ji Sui had already prepared dinner, some very simple home cooking.
“I didn’t know you could cook.”
Her dress was still in the washing machine, her bra and underwear were secretly being dried on the balcony after she hand-washed them, so she was still wearing Ji Sui’s gray lounge clothes. The clothes were too loose, which just happened to cover her conspicuous situation of not wearing underwear.
Ji Sui handed her a pair of chopsticks. “After living alone, I got used to cooking for myself.”
“Thank you.”
Zhao Yu sat down opposite him, but clearly didn’t have an appetite, and had to slowly force down a small portion of the rice in the bowl.
Ji Sui saw it but didn’t say anything and filled her with a bowl of soup. When they finished eating, he hurriedly cleaned up the dishes in front of her and let her rest.
By the time Ji Sui came out of the kitchen, Zhao Yu still stood alone on the balcony staring blankly at the night view outside.
Having felt someone approach, she asked, “Do you have any smoke here?”
“I don’t smoke so I don’t have them at home.” Ji Sui stood next to her and looked down at the night view with her. “I thought you could not smoke.”
Zhao Yu smiled, “I learned it recently. It feels pretty good.”
Ji Sui said after a while, “Smoking is bad for your health, so you should smoke less.”
“I know, he also doesn’t like the smell of cigarettes, I don’t smoke in front of him, but sometimes…” At this point, she gave a wry smile, took a long breath, and changed the subject, “Your house is in a good location. The night view is very good.”
“It’s okay.” He answered casually, and both of them fell silent again.
After a long time, Zhao Yu suddenly said, “Ji Sui, can I ask you a question?”
“Go ahead.”
“You are a man, and you should be able to understand the minds of men best, so do you believe in the saying “the return of the prodigal son”? If a man… used to be very carefree and often changed women, but one day, he suddenly has a girlfriend. Do you think… he will be serious?”
“You mean, Xue Ziang?”
Zhao Yu looked at him in surprise. “You know that I’m talking about him?”
After several false starts, she rephrased her question, “Do you know him?”
Before Ji Sui could answer, she smiled and said, “That’s right, we work in the same industry, and the two companies are each other’s biggest rivals. He is identity is also very special, it’s normal for you to know him, but I don’t remember telling you he was my boyfriend, how did you know?”
Ji Sui smiled, “You called his name when you were drunk last time.”
Zhao Yu was a little embarrassed but turned sad and self-deprecating. “Then you must also think that I am trying to aim above my station right? Someone like me is not worthy of him, but unbelievably, I became his girlfriend. But so what if we are dating? I often don’t feel that he and I are in a loving relationship, and I don’t dare to think that we will have a future together.”
Ji Sui stared at her intently, then as if suddenly remembering something, lowered his head and laughed, “I feel as if I am seeing another me.”
“Really?” Zhao Yu thought for a while, and suddenly realized, “Now that I think about it, you seemed to have said that you used to like a girl very much.”
Ji Sui said, “She and Xue Ziang are the same. They are outstanding in every aspect with no shortage of suitors around them. Xue Ziang and I are not close so I shouldn’t judge so quickly. But those kinds of people, maybe… they don’t really need deep feelings and don’t need other people’s sincerity. If it’s so painful to be with him, then you should try to free yourself.”
Zhao Yu looked at him curiously: “So, you are completely freed? Last time you said you were trying to save yourself. Did you succeed?”
“I don’t know, but at least now, whenever I see her, I can still stay calm. Seeing her with other men, knowing that she will marry someone else, is not so difficult to accept.”
Zhao Yu stretched with a sigh, “I really envy you, it’d be enough if I can do that much.”
The clothes she had on were not thick, and with this action, the entire front side stuck to her chest, distinctively exposing the two protruding points.
Ji Sui hurriedly turned his head to avert his eyes, but quickly caught a glimpse of her underwear hanging on the balcony from the other side; the silver-white sexy lace swaying gently in the night breeze.
Unfortunately, the lights on the balcony were not turned on, and Zhao Yu couldn’t see if his ears were red like last time.
Pretending not to realize her slip up, she sighed again. “There are no cigarettes, how about alcohol?”
Ji Sui’s gaze still fell in the distance, not daring to look at her. “I only have beer. You want to drink?”
“I want to drink a bit, can you lend me some?”
“You don’t need to be so courteous.” He walked into the room and quickly came back from the refrigerator with a few cans of beer. “It’s a bit cold, so drink less.”
It was just beer, of course, she couldn’t pretend to be drunk. Besides, acting out the same play once to the same person was enough. Zhao Yu just wanted to get the chance to talk to him more by drinking together, with no plans to do anything else.
After taking a big gulp, she really felt a cool and refreshing sensation. She exhaled and then took a few more sips until a can of beer completely bottomed out.
When she picked up the second can, Ji Sui also opened one and drank with her.
While drinking, she suddenly started laughing, “I remember, at the bar last time you said also used alcohol to drown your sorrows. Is it because of the girl you like?”
Ji Sui shook his head and stared at the night outside in a daze. Just when Zhao Yu thought he wasn’t going to say more, his low voice sounded, “It’s because of…Xiaoxiao’s father.”
Zhao Yu didn’t understand. “Xiaoxiao? Qu Sixiao?”
Ji Sui lifted his head, beer entered through his lips, his sexy Adam’s apple kept rolling, and when he drank half a can in one breath, he smiled bitterly. “Xiaoxiao’s father, it was because he saved me. He sacrificed himself.”
Zhao Yu didn’t know this. After all, they were in the army. It was more difficult to find out, and she didn’t need to investigate that deeply.
But after hearing what he said, she finally knew why he had to apply for an early military discharge and why he went to a psychologist.
Ji Sui stared at the beer can in his hand and smiled. “Actually, the night before his sacrifice, I dreamt that he was shot and killed in front of me. That dream was too vivid, the next day before carrying out the mission, I especially arranged for him to stay behind and wanted to take a different group of people. He didn’t agree. He laughed at me for being superstitious. In the end…”
“Then, you regret it, right? Regret not insisting, regret letting him go with you?”
Ji Sui closed his eyes in pain. “If he didn’t save me, I would have been shot, but I might not have died, but he…”
Looking at his remorseful and helpless appearance, Zhao Yu suddenly felt that a part deep in her heart was stabbed ruthlessly.
He just said that seeing her was like seeing himself.
Now wasn’t she feeling the same?
This side of Ji Sui suddenly awakened a monster in her heart, yelling in her ears over and over again, that the two people you care about the most were killed by you.
She should hate Zhuang Yiqing, but she should hate herself even more.
The person she should take revenge on the most was also herself.
Heart to Heart
When Zhao Yu came out of the shower, Ji Sui had already prepared dinner, some very simple home cooking.
“I didn’t know you could cook.”
Her dress was still in the washing machine, her bra and underwear were secretly being dried on the balcony after she hand-washed them, so she was still wearing Ji Sui’s gray lounge clothes. The clothes were too loose, which just happened to cover her conspicuous situation of not wearing underwear.
Ji Sui handed her a pair of chopsticks. “After living alone, I got used to cooking for myself.”
“Thank you.”
Zhao Yu sat down opposite him, but clearly didn’t have an appetite, and had to slowly force down a small portion of the rice in the bowl.
Ji Sui saw it but didn’t say anything and filled her with a bowl of soup. When they finished eating, he hurriedly cleaned up the dishes in front of her and let her rest.
By the time Ji Sui came out of the kitchen, Zhao Yu still stood alone on the balcony staring blankly at the night view outside.
Having felt someone approach, she asked, “Do you have any smoke here?”
“I don’t smoke so I don’t have them at home.” Ji Sui stood next to her and looked down at the night view with her. “I thought you could not smoke.”
Zhao Yu smiled, “I learned it recently. It feels pretty good.”
Ji Sui said after a while, “Smoking is bad for your health, so you should smoke less.”
“I know, he also doesn’t like the smell of cigarettes, I don’t smoke in front of him, but sometimes…” At this point, she gave a wry smile, took a long breath, and changed the subject, “Your house is in a good location. The night view is very good.”
“It’s okay.” He answered casually, and both of them fell silent again.
After a long time, Zhao Yu suddenly said, “Ji Sui, can I ask you a question?”
“Go ahead.”
“You are a man, and you should be able to understand the minds of men best, so do you believe in the saying “the return of the prodigal son”? If a man… used to be very carefree and often changed women, but one day, he suddenly has a girlfriend. Do you think… he will be serious?”
“You mean, Xue Ziang?”
Zhao Yu looked at him in surprise. “You know that I’m talking about him?”
After several false starts, she rephrased her question, “Do you know him?”
Before Ji Sui could answer, she smiled and said, “That’s right, we work in the same industry, and the two companies are each other’s biggest rivals. He is identity is also very special, it’s normal for you to know him, but I don’t remember telling you he was my boyfriend, how did you know?”
Ji Sui smiled, “You called his name when you were drunk last time.”
Zhao Yu was a little embarrassed but turned sad and self-deprecating. “Then you must also think that I am trying to aim above my station right? Someone like me is not worthy of him, but unbelievably, I became his girlfriend. But so what if we are dating? I often don’t feel that he and I are in a loving relationship, and I don’t dare to think that we will have a future together.”
Ji Sui stared at her intently, then as if suddenly remembering something, lowered his head and laughed, “I feel as if I am seeing another me.”
“Really?” Zhao Yu thought for a while, and suddenly realized, “Now that I think about it, you seemed to have said that you used to like a girl very much.”
Ji Sui said, “She and Xue Ziang are the same. They are outstanding in every aspect with no shortage of suitors around them. Xue Ziang and I are not close so I shouldn’t judge so quickly. But those kinds of people, maybe… they don’t really need deep feelings and don’t need other people’s sincerity. If it’s so painful to be with him, then you should try to free yourself.”
Zhao Yu looked at him curiously: “So, you are completely freed? Last time you said you were trying to save yourself. Did you succeed?”
“I don’t know, but at least now, whenever I see her, I can still stay calm. Seeing her with other men, knowing that she will marry someone else, is not so difficult to accept.”
Zhao Yu stretched with a sigh, “I really envy you, it’d be enough if I can do that much.”
The clothes she had on were not thick, and with this action, the entire front side stuck to her chest, distinctively exposing the two protruding points.
Ji Sui hurriedly turned his head to avert his eyes, but quickly caught a glimpse of her underwear hanging on the balcony from the other side; the silver-white sexy lace swaying gently in the night breeze.
Unfortunately, the lights on the balcony were not turned on, and Zhao Yu couldn’t see if his ears were red like last time.
Pretending not to realize her slip up, she sighed again. “There are no cigarettes, how about alcohol?”
Ji Sui’s gaze still fell in the distance, not daring to look at her. “I only have beer. You want to drink?”
“I want to drink a bit, can you lend me some?”
“You don’t need to be so courteous.” He walked into the room and quickly came back from the refrigerator with a few cans of beer. “It’s a bit cold, so drink less.”
It was just beer, of course, she couldn’t pretend to be drunk. Besides, acting out the same play once to the same person was enough. Zhao Yu just wanted to get the chance to talk to him more by drinking together, with no plans to do anything else.
After taking a big gulp, she really felt a cool and refreshing sensation. She exhaled and then took a few more sips until a can of beer completely bottomed out.
When she picked up the second can, Ji Sui also opened one and drank with her.
While drinking, she suddenly started laughing, “I remember, at the bar last time you said also used alcohol to drown your sorrows. Is it because of the girl you like?”
Ji Sui shook his head and stared at the night outside in a daze. Just when Zhao Yu thought he wasn’t going to say more, his low voice sounded, “It’s because of…Xiaoxiao’s father.”
Zhao Yu didn’t understand. “Xiaoxiao? Qu Sixiao?”
Ji Sui lifted his head, beer entered through his lips, his sexy Adam’s apple kept rolling, and when he drank half a can in one breath, he smiled bitterly. “Xiaoxiao’s father, it was because he saved me. He sacrificed himself.”
Zhao Yu didn’t know this. After all, they were in the army. It was more difficult to find out, and she didn’t need to investigate that deeply.
But after hearing what he said, she finally knew why he had to apply for an early military discharge and why he went to a psychologist.
Ji Sui stared at the beer can in his hand and smiled. “Actually, the night before his sacrifice, I dreamt that he was shot and killed in front of me. That dream was too vivid, the next day before carrying out the mission, I especially arranged for him to stay behind and wanted to take a different group of people. He didn’t agree. He laughed at me for being superstitious. In the end…”
“Then, you regret it, right? Regret not insisting, regret letting him go with you?”
Ji Sui closed his eyes in pain. “If he didn’t save me, I would have been shot, but I might not have died, but he…”
Looking at his remorseful and helpless appearance, Zhao Yu suddenly felt that a part deep in her heart was stabbed ruthlessly.
He just said that seeing her was like seeing himself.
Now wasn’t she feeling the same?
This side of Ji Sui suddenly awakened a monster in her heart, yelling in her ears over and over again, that the two people you care about the most were killed by you.
She should hate Zhuang Yiqing, but she should hate herself even more.
The person she should take revenge on the most was also herself.
