“What does–?” Yrelia begins to ask, but Tasii cuts her off.
“Are you sure you're not just hearing the festival?” Tasii rises and moves to the door to open it and peek her head out to listen.
No no no. Please. Don’t ruin this anymore. They can’t know it’s for me!
Jevita doesn’t respond, just steps to the side and flips her wrist in an exasperated ‘i’m waiting’ gesture.
“Seriously, what is the temple alarm?” Yrelia asks again, looking between Jevita and Tasii’s flank.
“It’s hard to pick out, but it’s there.” Tasii confirms, leaning back inside and shutting the door.
Jevita nods at her conclusion expectantly then looks at me, “Did you hear it?”
I’m trying to decide on a plausible lie or explanation when Tasii moves past her toward the bags and saves me just a little. “It’s that loud grinding, trilling sound. There are smaller instruments that can mimic it in performances.”
“Oh. Yeah. It was sounding when I was leaving the festival.” I answer, then ask “What does it mean?”
Jevita’s eyes narrow as she adjusts her backpack, obviously not liking my answer.
Fuck, I’m so bad at lying. I should have just answered and shut up.
“It means we need to leave tonight instead of tomorrow.” Tasii sighs, taking up a large empty sack and tossing it to Yrelia, “Could you please help Yrelia pack up the rest of our dinner? Dishes and all.”
Yrelia obeys but asks, “That bad?”
Jevita scowls and moves to help us, “If this is anything like last time, the duenna could turn the entire city inside out.”
Tasii shoulders another two packs and heads toward a curtainless doorway along the back wall, “Kque, help me upstairs?”
Kque nods and the two disappear.
“Wait… You mean when that male went missing?” Yrelia whispers.
I silently try to help as well.
“Not many other reasons for the temple to call out to the entire city duenna like that.” Jevita replies, then gives me a sidelong glance.
“But… A second one missing? It’s barely been a year right?”
“Which means they’re going to be extra shity and might stop travelers from leaving.” Jevita says, dumping a pile of sandy red curly things into a large bowl or blueish floppy balls before scooting them both into the bag.
“This is the worst!” Yrelia pouts, “We didn’t even get to use the hottub.”
The table is cleared quickly, and Jevita turns back toward the door. “I need to get Lule ready to travel.”
Yrelia ties off the bag as she leaves and turns to me, “Help me move things outside?”
I do, my stomach a twisted mess of anxiety. An urge pushing me to just run from the city now mixed with a terror at Jevita possibly protesting to what seems to be me traveling with their group. The entire time I can just barely hear the trilling echoing across the city.
As Yrelia and I move the bags outside Tasii and Kque carry another 3 packs from downstairs. They’re now wearing traveling shoes and heavier cloaks. They pass Yrelia a cloak and shoes as well.
I’m nervous at seeing the big Quelekita again, and now he’s standing up and out in the middle fo street at his full height!
Fuck is he big! Easily twice my size! But he seems focused on a small basket of fruits at his toes. I’m terrified at the prospect of riding the giant flightless bird when I see Jevita toss something over its back, but it turns out to be baggage nets and straps. The 4 women are able to easily hook everything over Lule’s back or against his sides.
Tasii glances up the street, “Shit, Are those duenna heading down this way from the wall?”
I look back, and can barely make out a row of three or fours lights moving this way down the street from the wall.
Jevita doesn’t even look back. “They’ll start with the open streets, then search houses starting closest to the temple. They might even send out scouts this early.”
“Then let’s get at least half a mile away from the fields before stopping for the night.” Tasii turns to us, “Our luck was going to turn eventually. I’m just glad you heard it, Jevita.”
Jevita runs a palm over her shaved scalp, but nods before picking up the basket to lead Lule along as we begin to walk. As the moonlight shifts I notice slight changes of hue across her skin. At first I think they are scars, but there is an order to them.
Arudian? Not words, but glyphs.
I barely stop myself from speaking my thoughts aloud when Yrelia startles me by wrapping a large quilted burgundy cloak around us both. It’s honestly more of a blanket than a cloak, and I’m easily able to pull it around my chest while she does the same while only bumping shoulders.
“It’s only going to get colder and you're still wet.” She smiles at me, “If I’m still lucid when we make camp I can help you with your hair before we sleep.”
I reflexively reach up to touch my new hair and try and run my fingers through the still damp curls. It’s a bit sticky and my fingers get caught in a tangle. “Thanks.” I murmur and pull the cloak close.
From there we leave the city and proceed along the winding paths, over the irrigation canals, and through the fields of tall green stalks. It’s at some point there, through the haze of exhaustion that is beginning to fog my thoughts, that I remember.
Jevita never mentioned finding the book. I can’t help but feel so hopelessly stupid at forgetting it. Yrelia seems to notice something is wrong as I sag my shoulders, but doesn’t ask. The duenna won’t probably be able to make much of it even if they do find it, but I wanted to spend more time with it. Wanted to see if I could figure out the name of the spirit that did this, and maybe even find out how to thank Her.
We eventually have to stop as Lule decides he wants a drink from a nearby canal. Jevita breaks the silence and interrupts my thoughts, turning back to the rest of us as we wait. “How long will you be traveling with us?”
I don’t know how to answer, and I pull the cloak closer. “I’m not sure. I just wanted to leave the city tonight.”
Her eyes move between Yrelia and Tasii.
Yrelia just shrugs and smiles tiredly at Jevita.
For a full moment the only sounds are of the breeze through the stalks, a far off trill, and the gulp gulp of Lule happily drinking.
“I’m not–” Jevita is cut off by a happy hoot from Lule. He pulls his head from the water, ruffles his feathers and turns to nuzzle Jevita.
She lets out a deep sigh and wraps an arm around the big bird's head before beginning to give him a good scratch amidst his neck feathers. He closes his eyes and lets out a few more little hoots and trills, and I barely make out Jevita whisper to him in Arudian.
She coaxes him back into walking the path with scratches at the base of his neck. No one else asks questions or even talks, so we are left with a tense silence until we’ve left the farmlands and entered a grassy plain.
Tasii moves up to Jevita and lightly touches her shoulder while pointing to a cluster of trees a few dozen feet from the path. “We can camp there.”
Jevita nods and mumbles more Arudian words to Lule. He bops his head and tiredly jogs ahead of us, mushing a path through the waist high grass. When he arrives at the trees he coos happily and begins to run in a big circle, pressing down a section of grass about 10-15 feet across before plopping down in the middle.
He chirps at Jevita as the rest of us arrive at his little grass paddy, then raises a wing and stuffs his head within.
Wordlessly the rest of them follow suit. Unhooking bags and pulling out sleeping blankets and pillow rolls. I stand awkwardly beside Yrelia until I’m able to help lay out a pallet nearby to Lule. While everyone is making sure to be close to the large warm Quelekita, I can’t help but feel my heart catch with guilt and anxiety as I notice that there are only 4, and Yrelia and I are setting up the biggest.
Yrelia begins to dig through one of the bags on Lule’s saddle and I take up one of the spare pillow rolls and move to a grass patch between Yrelia and Kque’s pallets.
The grass is prickly, but I’m too tired to care as I begin to lie down.
“Hey,” Yrelia kneels beside me and pats the pallet she’s on. “Cmon, this is meant for you too.”
I hesitate, “You’ve all already done a lot for me. I’m pretty useless and can’t–”
She hushes me with a finger to my lips, and a smile “Stop it.”
She takes me by the arm and guides me back over onto her pallet. Before she moves behind me I see that in her hands is a brush and some kind of spongy thing.
“Your hair will be an utter sticky mess if we don’t do this tonight.” She whispers as she begins to run the comb and sponge thing through it.
While there are a few knots and clumps she has to work through, I can’t help but close my eyes and let my thoughts relax. It’s honestly the best thing I’ve ever felt, and I find it impossible to hold onto the anxiety. Brumbles run across my arms and down my back at Yrelia’s expert touch.
After a few minutes Tasii comes around, passing out small bowls with assorted colorful foods and a few wine pouches before wishing us a good night. We both thank her, and Yrelia prompts me to eat and drink first as she continues to work.
I take a few bites and a sip before falling back into the stupor of enjoying the pampering. Eventually I feel Yrelia pause, and I tiredly marvel at how much better I feel. I don’t have words for it.
“You can lie down now,” She prompts, “I can finish up if you're okay sleeping on your side.”
“Thank you Yrelia,” I take one of her hands and without thinking, turn it and give it a peck with my lips on the wrist before laying down with my back to her.
It’s a habit Sangoma taught me. A way to thank women for their time, patronage, and desire to bear the responsibility of motherhood. I’m not sure if it’s practiced outside the temple, but Yrelia sits silently for what feels like an eternity and a fresh bloom of anxiety begins to take root. But then she is pulling a blanket over me, careful to raise my hair and drape it above so she can continue her brushing and cleaning.
I don’t remember her finishing, only waking up. At some point I rolled onto my belly. My breasts are a little squished from the weight, but I’m able to pull the pillow closer and relieve them of that. Then I notice barely audible whispers from the other side of Lule.
“I don’t think she’s involved.” Tasii replies tiredly to something I missed.
“She’s involved with something.” Jevita hisses back. “This proves it.”
Tasii sighs, “And what if she is? Are you saying we should abandon her?”
“No, I’m saying she should at least tell us her fucking name! Not some new name she plans on running with, and while she’s at it she should let us know if we can expect trouble to follow us.”
There is a pause, and a rustle of something. Pages?
“I didn’t think interrogating her was the right call as we were sneaking out.” Tasii finally replies as a light thump sounds. “You're grumpy, and I’m tired. Can we please sleep. Please?”
“Let’s ask her over breakfast, at least.” Jevita pushes.
There’s no reply, only the rustle of blankets. That calm that had wooed me to sleep has now clenched into horrible knots in my stomach.
Jevita is right to hate me. I don’t deserve their kindness, I should just leave. I could get up right now and make their lives better.
I begin to shuffle and rise, but notice a weight across my back and a hand squeeze my shoulder lightly. As I move up onto my elbows I carefully turn my head to the other side to find Yrelia tiredly staring back at me.
“I’m sorry.” Is all I can mouth to her, careful to keep my voice so low only she can hear it.
She shakes her head and gives me a smile through her own weariness, then whispers so softly I read her lips more than hear her, “Not your fault. Please stay.”
But it is, all this is my fault. If I wasn’t so stupid I could have… I don’t know. Gotten away easier, avoided ruining their celebration meal.
But I don’t get up, don’t try to leave. Maybe if I wasn’t so tired I would have. So I nod at her.
Her smile brightens, and I am suddenly so glad to be alive and in a body that feels so right. I can’t help but give her the one thing I have left to share.
“Inamatorii,” I whisper. It was her favorite of the names I shared with them, and the one I secretly hoped for. “I want that to be my name.”
She pauses, then understands and draws me into a hug. I don’t pull away, and she doesn’t let go. So we fall asleep that way.
“What does–?” Yrelia begins to ask, but Tasii cuts her off.
“Are you sure you're not just hearing the festival?” Tasii rises and moves to the door to open it and peek her head out to listen.
No no no. Please. Don’t ruin this anymore. They can’t know it’s for me!
Jevita doesn’t respond, just steps to the side and flips her wrist in an exasperated ‘i’m waiting’ gesture.
“Seriously, what is the temple alarm?” Yrelia asks again, looking between Jevita and Tasii’s flank.
“It’s hard to pick out, but it’s there.” Tasii confirms, leaning back inside and shutting the door.
Jevita nods at her conclusion expectantly then looks at me, “Did you hear it?”
I’m trying to decide on a plausible lie or explanation when Tasii moves past her toward the bags and saves me just a little. “It’s that loud grinding, trilling sound. There are smaller instruments that can mimic it in performances.”
“Oh. Yeah. It was sounding when I was leaving the festival.” I answer, then ask “What does it mean?”
Jevita’s eyes narrow as she adjusts her backpack, obviously not liking my answer.
Fuck, I’m so bad at lying. I should have just answered and shut up.
“It means we need to leave tonight instead of tomorrow.” Tasii sighs, taking up a large empty sack and tossing it to Yrelia, “Could you please help Yrelia pack up the rest of our dinner? Dishes and all.”
Yrelia obeys but asks, “That bad?”
Jevita scowls and moves to help us, “If this is anything like last time, the duenna could turn the entire city inside out.”
Tasii shoulders another two packs and heads toward a curtainless doorway along the back wall, “Kque, help me upstairs?”
Kque nods and the two disappear.
“Wait… You mean when that male went missing?” Yrelia whispers.
I silently try to help as well.
“Not many other reasons for the temple to call out to the entire city duenna like that.” Jevita replies, then gives me a sidelong glance.
“But… A second one missing? It’s barely been a year right?”
“Which means they’re going to be extra shity and might stop travelers from leaving.” Jevita says, dumping a pile of sandy red curly things into a large bowl or blueish floppy balls before scooting them both into the bag.
“This is the worst!” Yrelia pouts, “We didn’t even get to use the hottub.”
The table is cleared quickly, and Jevita turns back toward the door. “I need to get Lule ready to travel.”
Yrelia ties off the bag as she leaves and turns to me, “Help me move things outside?”
I do, my stomach a twisted mess of anxiety. An urge pushing me to just run from the city now mixed with a terror at Jevita possibly protesting to what seems to be me traveling with their group. The entire time I can just barely hear the trilling echoing across the city.
As Yrelia and I move the bags outside Tasii and Kque carry another 3 packs from downstairs. They’re now wearing traveling shoes and heavier cloaks. They pass Yrelia a cloak and shoes as well.
I’m nervous at seeing the big Quelekita again, and now he’s standing up and out in the middle fo street at his full height!
Fuck is he big! Easily twice my size! But he seems focused on a small basket of fruits at his toes. I’m terrified at the prospect of riding the giant flightless bird when I see Jevita toss something over its back, but it turns out to be baggage nets and straps. The 4 women are able to easily hook everything over Lule’s back or against his sides.
Tasii glances up the street, “Shit, Are those duenna heading down this way from the wall?”
I look back, and can barely make out a row of three or fours lights moving this way down the street from the wall.
Jevita doesn’t even look back. “They’ll start with the open streets, then search houses starting closest to the temple. They might even send out scouts this early.”
“Then let’s get at least half a mile away from the fields before stopping for the night.” Tasii turns to us, “Our luck was going to turn eventually. I’m just glad you heard it, Jevita.”
Jevita runs a palm over her shaved scalp, but nods before picking up the basket to lead Lule along as we begin to walk. As the moonlight shifts I notice slight changes of hue across her skin. At first I think they are scars, but there is an order to them.
Arudian? Not words, but glyphs.
I barely stop myself from speaking my thoughts aloud when Yrelia startles me by wrapping a large quilted burgundy cloak around us both. It’s honestly more of a blanket than a cloak, and I’m easily able to pull it around my chest while she does the same while only bumping shoulders.
“It’s only going to get colder and you're still wet.” She smiles at me, “If I’m still lucid when we make camp I can help you with your hair before we sleep.”
I reflexively reach up to touch my new hair and try and run my fingers through the still damp curls. It’s a bit sticky and my fingers get caught in a tangle. “Thanks.” I murmur and pull the cloak close.
From there we leave the city and proceed along the winding paths, over the irrigation canals, and through the fields of tall green stalks. It’s at some point there, through the haze of exhaustion that is beginning to fog my thoughts, that I remember.
Jevita never mentioned finding the book. I can’t help but feel so hopelessly stupid at forgetting it. Yrelia seems to notice something is wrong as I sag my shoulders, but doesn’t ask. The duenna won’t probably be able to make much of it even if they do find it, but I wanted to spend more time with it. Wanted to see if I could figure out the name of the spirit that did this, and maybe even find out how to thank Her.
We eventually have to stop as Lule decides he wants a drink from a nearby canal. Jevita breaks the silence and interrupts my thoughts, turning back to the rest of us as we wait. “How long will you be traveling with us?”
I don’t know how to answer, and I pull the cloak closer. “I’m not sure. I just wanted to leave the city tonight.”
Her eyes move between Yrelia and Tasii.
Yrelia just shrugs and smiles tiredly at Jevita.
For a full moment the only sounds are of the breeze through the stalks, a far off trill, and the gulp gulp of Lule happily drinking.
“I’m not–” Jevita is cut off by a happy hoot from Lule. He pulls his head from the water, ruffles his feathers and turns to nuzzle Jevita.
She lets out a deep sigh and wraps an arm around the big bird's head before beginning to give him a good scratch amidst his neck feathers. He closes his eyes and lets out a few more little hoots and trills, and I barely make out Jevita whisper to him in Arudian.
She coaxes him back into walking the path with scratches at the base of his neck. No one else asks questions or even talks, so we are left with a tense silence until we’ve left the farmlands and entered a grassy plain.
Tasii moves up to Jevita and lightly touches her shoulder while pointing to a cluster of trees a few dozen feet from the path. “We can camp there.”
Jevita nods and mumbles more Arudian words to Lule. He bops his head and tiredly jogs ahead of us, mushing a path through the waist high grass. When he arrives at the trees he coos happily and begins to run in a big circle, pressing down a section of grass about 10-15 feet across before plopping down in the middle.
He chirps at Jevita as the rest of us arrive at his little grass paddy, then raises a wing and stuffs his head within.
Wordlessly the rest of them follow suit. Unhooking bags and pulling out sleeping blankets and pillow rolls. I stand awkwardly beside Yrelia until I’m able to help lay out a pallet nearby to Lule. While everyone is making sure to be close to the large warm Quelekita, I can’t help but feel my heart catch with guilt and anxiety as I notice that there are only 4, and Yrelia and I are setting up the biggest.
Yrelia begins to dig through one of the bags on Lule’s saddle and I take up one of the spare pillow rolls and move to a grass patch between Yrelia and Kque’s pallets.
The grass is prickly, but I’m too tired to care as I begin to lie down.
“Hey,” Yrelia kneels beside me and pats the pallet she’s on. “Cmon, this is meant for you too.”
I hesitate, “You’ve all already done a lot for me. I’m pretty useless and can’t–”
She hushes me with a finger to my lips, and a smile “Stop it.”
She takes me by the arm and guides me back over onto her pallet. Before she moves behind me I see that in her hands is a brush and some kind of spongy thing.
“Your hair will be an utter sticky mess if we don’t do this tonight.” She whispers as she begins to run the comb and sponge thing through it.
While there are a few knots and clumps she has to work through, I can’t help but close my eyes and let my thoughts relax. It’s honestly the best thing I’ve ever felt, and I find it impossible to hold onto the anxiety. Brumbles run across my arms and down my back at Yrelia’s expert touch.
After a few minutes Tasii comes around, passing out small bowls with assorted colorful foods and a few wine pouches before wishing us a good night. We both thank her, and Yrelia prompts me to eat and drink first as she continues to work.
I take a few bites and a sip before falling back into the stupor of enjoying the pampering. Eventually I feel Yrelia pause, and I tiredly marvel at how much better I feel. I don’t have words for it.
“You can lie down now,” She prompts, “I can finish up if you're okay sleeping on your side.”
“Thank you Yrelia,” I take one of her hands and without thinking, turn it and give it a peck with my lips on the wrist before laying down with my back to her.
It’s a habit Sangoma taught me. A way to thank women for their time, patronage, and desire to bear the responsibility of motherhood. I’m not sure if it’s practiced outside the temple, but Yrelia sits silently for what feels like an eternity and a fresh bloom of anxiety begins to take root. But then she is pulling a blanket over me, careful to raise my hair and drape it above so she can continue her brushing and cleaning.
I don’t remember her finishing, only waking up. At some point I rolled onto my belly. My breasts are a little squished from the weight, but I’m able to pull the pillow closer and relieve them of that. Then I notice barely audible whispers from the other side of Lule.
“I don’t think she’s involved.” Tasii replies tiredly to something I missed.
“She’s involved with something.” Jevita hisses back. “This proves it.”
Tasii sighs, “And what if she is? Are you saying we should abandon her?”
“No, I’m saying she should at least tell us her fucking name! Not some new name she plans on running with, and while she’s at it she should let us know if we can expect trouble to follow us.”
There is a pause, and a rustle of something. Pages?
“I didn’t think interrogating her was the right call as we were sneaking out.” Tasii finally replies as a light thump sounds. “You're grumpy, and I’m tired. Can we please sleep. Please?”
“Let’s ask her over breakfast, at least.” Jevita pushes.
There’s no reply, only the rustle of blankets. That calm that had wooed me to sleep has now clenched into horrible knots in my stomach.
Jevita is right to hate me. I don’t deserve their kindness, I should just leave. I could get up right now and make their lives better.
I begin to shuffle and rise, but notice a weight across my back and a hand squeeze my shoulder lightly. As I move up onto my elbows I carefully turn my head to the other side to find Yrelia tiredly staring back at me.
“I’m sorry.” Is all I can mouth to her, careful to keep my voice so low only she can hear it.
She shakes her head and gives me a smile through her own weariness, then whispers so softly I read her lips more than hear her, “Not your fault. Please stay.”
But it is, all this is my fault. If I wasn’t so stupid I could have… I don’t know. Gotten away easier, avoided ruining their celebration meal.
But I don’t get up, don’t try to leave. Maybe if I wasn’t so tired I would have. So I nod at her.
Her smile brightens, and I am suddenly so glad to be alive and in a body that feels so right. I can’t help but give her the one thing I have left to share.
“Inamatorii,” I whisper. It was her favorite of the names I shared with them, and the one I secretly hoped for. “I want that to be my name.”
She pauses, then understands and draws me into a hug. I don’t pull away, and she doesn’t let go. So we fall asleep that way.
