Chapter 459: I THINK SOMETHING IS STOPPING ME!
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The whole day Ruth kept thinking about the mate bond and the story of Grace. She did not understand and agree on the werewolf ways but then how could she comment on that when the humans were ready to kill their own blood for the sake of the family prestige?!
Ruth thought that the more she would dive into Edwin's world, she would lose herself. That was her biggest fear. Contrary to that, she was slowly finding herself in his world unknowingly.
-"Every soul takes life in this world for a purpose. Yours is to be the anchorage his ship needs in the ocean of guilt, sorrow, anger and darkness.
With his immense power, he is more vulnerable to falling into the trap of darkness. And, that was the root cause of the great war. In our world, a mate is not only to make love to bring children into the world.
A mate is more than that. You are the link that can keep him connected to reality, the truth. As he is our guide, you are his guiding light. Without you, he will be lost, and so will we!"-
Unexpectantly a conversation with Rees had cleared ways for Ruth. His words helped her understand the importance of her, not only in Edwin's life but also in the lives of his people.
By now, she understood the responsibilities which would come with her love for Edwin.
Now the only question was- was she ready to go through it all even after knowing that she could die?
-"If you chose me, you will choose my wolf, my world, my people, my burdens and... the dangers too. You will not only be Edwin's wife, but you will also be the Luna of the werewolf breed.
And always remember, with the title comes the responsibilities. You will need to be the mother figure for all of them, their guiding light. You may need to sacrifice many things even if you don't want it."-
Edwin had already made it clear to her that there was no option of choosing only Edwin. The only available options were, either choosing or rejecting Edwin O'Dell, a werewolf leader.
Suddenly Ruth began feeling a heavyweight on her shoulders. She felt like she was balancing her life on a finger of her right hand and her identity and ambitions on a finger of her left hand while walking on the slippery surface of immense possibilities and dangers.
It was the next day, and she needed to go to 'the great manor'. She had not heard anything from Edwin, after their conversation about the Black book.
She wondered what was he doing and if his wolf was alright. During her conversation with Elsie and Thea, they told Ruth how Edwin hurt Elsie and Lester badly when his wolf became uncontrollable.
Ruth felt guilty as knowingly or unknowingly she was the reason for all of that. She only wished that would not repeat this time too.
While passing by his building, Ruth could not help but keep looking at his office and the chamber. She tried ignoring her worries and walking away, but her mind was defeated by her concerned heart.
She knew if he was in her place, then he wouldn't have left her side even for a second in this situation.
She was not sure of her decision yet, but she could not deny her love for him. It was as strong and sacred as the mate bond. Not only their hearts but also their souls are connected on a deeper level.
Ruth stopped in front of his chamber and was about to knock on the door when the burly guard outside informed her that Edwin was in his office.
Thanking him, she then turned on the way to Edwin's office. Opening the door, she found his head stuffed in a mess of papers that sprawled all over his table.
He was so engrossed in his work that he did not sense her presence.
To gain his attention, Ruth cleared her throat. Edwin looked up from his work and was surprised to see Ruth in his office early in the morning.
"Ruth?"
She noticed how his tired face brightened visibly seeing her there.
"Am I disturbing you?" She asked while lingering in the door.
"No, I mean... please come." He said, putting the papers down.
Ruth closed the door behind her as she walked slowly towards him. He expected her to stop near his desk. Instead, she walked past it and towards another table behind.
He watched her in confusion as she poured some wolfsbane potion into a glass. She neared him and offered that glass to him.
"I thought you need it."
Edwin looked at her questioningly.
"I know what is it. Lady Elsie told me that it helps you to keep your wolf in control." Ruth explained his unsaid question.
Edwin forwarded his hand to take the glass. His fingertips lightly brushed hers, making her suck a breath.
Ruth instantly tore her eyes from his hypnotising ones as she knew she would spend more time than intended if she kept looking into them.
"Are you okay?" Edwin asked after taking a sip from the glass.
If did not need it before, then he definitely needed it now, after seeing her standing right in front of him.
She nodded her head slowly. "Just overwhelmed with all the information. I wish I would have studied so much in my childhood then I would have definitely been a teacher or something like that." She joked.
Edwin smiled at her words. "You are a smart woman."
"But I also want to be a wise one." She added quickly.
"So you must search for a way to achieve that goal." He replied.
Edwin enjoyed such random conversations with her. She was perhaps the only person who could make him talk for so long.
And he did not mind it at all!
"Hmm... I think I have found a way but..." She trailed off, staring down at the pen stand on his table. She was thinking about something.
"But what?"
"I think something is stopping me." She admitted truthfully.
"And what is it?" Edwin asked curiously.
By her expressions and depth of voice, he figured she was not speaking randomly. She was indeed pondering over it for some time.
"Is it about your current situation?" Edwin asked the first doubt that came to his mind.
Her eyes landed on his. "Perhaps"
"Then you should not discuss it with me. There are chances I would influence you in my favour." Edwin said, staring deep in her hazel orbs.
"Yes, there are chances of that. But will you?"
She searched something on his face, fingers crossed at her sides.
After a few moments, Edwin shook his head. "No!" He told simply.
"Then I have come to the right person." She smiled, releasing her crossed fingers.
"As per my knowledge what stops a person from doing what he wants is fear. My grandfather used to say that fear is the dangerous enemy of a being." Edwin recalled one of the most important life lessons he had received from his grandfather.
"I thought it is laziness." Ruth argued.
"Laziness is just an excuse to hide that fear." Edwin leaned behind in his chair as he said that.
Every time Ruth had such discussions with this man, he enlightened a new perspective for her curious mind.
"And what if I could not overcome that fear?"
Ruth was tired of endless pondering. She did not want to discuss more with anyone else. She knew they all were trying to help her, yet she could not help but think that they all were somewhat biased to Edwin's side.
Mrs Payne had already told her to not ask her opinion. She did not want to explain anything and influence Ruth's decision, yet she was there to clear her doubts and listen to her unbiasedly. She only told that she was with Ruth in her every choice.
That left Ruth with no one but Edwin. He was the only person she trusted blindly and knew would never disappoint her. And that was why she came to ask for his help.
"Fear is one of the prominent emotions we all feel. Some may show it, some may not. Yet it resides in all of our minds. And I think to be wise one must learn to control their mind.
Do not let your fears dictate your life. We all get scared at some point in our lives. It is natural... accept it. But do not let it overpower your capabilities. Listen to your heart... it will guide you the right way."
Ruth wondered if Edwin had mastered the skill of controlling his mind. Because in her eyes, he was the wisest person she had ever met... only if he chose to be!
She nodded her head with a smile. "Thank you!"
Edwin did not push for more. He did not ask her what was she thinking then. He was only glad that she came to him instead of going to others.
Not until a few months back, she was running to everyone but him.
Well... he had earned it with great patience!
Ruth turned to leave after thanking Edwin and looked more composed and calm than when she walked into his office. Edwin did not stop her, only smiled at her when she turned her head to look at him last time before leaving.
Feeling better than before, Ruth began walking towards Elsie's chamber.
Little did she know that another trouble for the day was approaching her fast.
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The whole day Ruth kept thinking about the mate bond and the story of Grace. She did not understand and agree on the werewolf ways but then how could she comment on that when the humans were ready to kill their own blood for the sake of the family prestige?!
Ruth thought that the more she would dive into Edwin's world, she would lose herself. That was her biggest fear. Contrary to that, she was slowly finding herself in his world unknowingly.
-"Every soul takes life in this world for a purpose. Yours is to be the anchorage his ship needs in the ocean of guilt, sorrow, anger and darkness.
With his immense power, he is more vulnerable to falling into the trap of darkness. And, that was the root cause of the great war. In our world, a mate is not only to make love to bring children into the world.
A mate is more than that. You are the link that can keep him connected to reality, the truth. As he is our guide, you are his guiding light. Without you, he will be lost, and so will we!"-
Unexpectantly a conversation with Rees had cleared ways for Ruth. His words helped her understand the importance of her, not only in Edwin's life but also in the lives of his people.
By now, she understood the responsibilities which would come with her love for Edwin.
Now the only question was- was she ready to go through it all even after knowing that she could die?
-"If you chose me, you will choose my wolf, my world, my people, my burdens and... the dangers too. You will not only be Edwin's wife, but you will also be the Luna of the werewolf breed.
And always remember, with the title comes the responsibilities. You will need to be the mother figure for all of them, their guiding light. You may need to sacrifice many things even if you don't want it."-
Edwin had already made it clear to her that there was no option of choosing only Edwin. The only available options were, either choosing or rejecting Edwin O'Dell, a werewolf leader.
Suddenly Ruth began feeling a heavyweight on her shoulders. She felt like she was balancing her life on a finger of her right hand and her identity and ambitions on a finger of her left hand while walking on the slippery surface of immense possibilities and dangers.
It was the next day, and she needed to go to 'the great manor'. She had not heard anything from Edwin, after their conversation about the Black book.
She wondered what was he doing and if his wolf was alright. During her conversation with Elsie and Thea, they told Ruth how Edwin hurt Elsie and Lester badly when his wolf became uncontrollable.
Ruth felt guilty as knowingly or unknowingly she was the reason for all of that. She only wished that would not repeat this time too.
While passing by his building, Ruth could not help but keep looking at his office and the chamber. She tried ignoring her worries and walking away, but her mind was defeated by her concerned heart.
She knew if he was in her place, then he wouldn't have left her side even for a second in this situation.
She was not sure of her decision yet, but she could not deny her love for him. It was as strong and sacred as the mate bond. Not only their hearts but also their souls are connected on a deeper level.
Ruth stopped in front of his chamber and was about to knock on the door when the burly guard outside informed her that Edwin was in his office.
Thanking him, she then turned on the way to Edwin's office. Opening the door, she found his head stuffed in a mess of papers that sprawled all over his table.
He was so engrossed in his work that he did not sense her presence.
To gain his attention, Ruth cleared her throat. Edwin looked up from his work and was surprised to see Ruth in his office early in the morning.
"Ruth?"
She noticed how his tired face brightened visibly seeing her there.
"Am I disturbing you?" She asked while lingering in the door.
"No, I mean... please come." He said, putting the papers down.
Ruth closed the door behind her as she walked slowly towards him. He expected her to stop near his desk. Instead, she walked past it and towards another table behind.
He watched her in confusion as she poured some wolfsbane potion into a glass. She neared him and offered that glass to him.
"I thought you need it."
Edwin looked at her questioningly.
"I know what is it. Lady Elsie told me that it helps you to keep your wolf in control." Ruth explained his unsaid question.
Edwin forwarded his hand to take the glass. His fingertips lightly brushed hers, making her suck a breath.
Ruth instantly tore her eyes from his hypnotising ones as she knew she would spend more time than intended if she kept looking into them.
"Are you okay?" Edwin asked after taking a sip from the glass.
If did not need it before, then he definitely needed it now, after seeing her standing right in front of him.
She nodded her head slowly. "Just overwhelmed with all the information. I wish I would have studied so much in my childhood then I would have definitely been a teacher or something like that." She joked.
Edwin smiled at her words. "You are a smart woman."
"But I also want to be a wise one." She added quickly.
"So you must search for a way to achieve that goal." He replied.
Edwin enjoyed such random conversations with her. She was perhaps the only person who could make him talk for so long.
And he did not mind it at all!
"Hmm... I think I have found a way but..." She trailed off, staring down at the pen stand on his table. She was thinking about something.
"But what?"
"I think something is stopping me." She admitted truthfully.
"And what is it?" Edwin asked curiously.
By her expressions and depth of voice, he figured she was not speaking randomly. She was indeed pondering over it for some time.
"Is it about your current situation?" Edwin asked the first doubt that came to his mind.
Her eyes landed on his. "Perhaps"
"Then you should not discuss it with me. There are chances I would influence you in my favour." Edwin said, staring deep in her hazel orbs.
"Yes, there are chances of that. But will you?"
She searched something on his face, fingers crossed at her sides.
After a few moments, Edwin shook his head. "No!" He told simply.
"Then I have come to the right person." She smiled, releasing her crossed fingers.
"As per my knowledge what stops a person from doing what he wants is fear. My grandfather used to say that fear is the dangerous enemy of a being." Edwin recalled one of the most important life lessons he had received from his grandfather.
"I thought it is laziness." Ruth argued.
"Laziness is just an excuse to hide that fear." Edwin leaned behind in his chair as he said that.
Every time Ruth had such discussions with this man, he enlightened a new perspective for her curious mind.
"And what if I could not overcome that fear?"
Ruth was tired of endless pondering. She did not want to discuss more with anyone else. She knew they all were trying to help her, yet she could not help but think that they all were somewhat biased to Edwin's side.
Mrs Payne had already told her to not ask her opinion. She did not want to explain anything and influence Ruth's decision, yet she was there to clear her doubts and listen to her unbiasedly. She only told that she was with Ruth in her every choice.
That left Ruth with no one but Edwin. He was the only person she trusted blindly and knew would never disappoint her. And that was why she came to ask for his help.
"Fear is one of the prominent emotions we all feel. Some may show it, some may not. Yet it resides in all of our minds. And I think to be wise one must learn to control their mind.
Do not let your fears dictate your life. We all get scared at some point in our lives. It is natural... accept it. But do not let it overpower your capabilities. Listen to your heart... it will guide you the right way."
Ruth wondered if Edwin had mastered the skill of controlling his mind. Because in her eyes, he was the wisest person she had ever met... only if he chose to be!
She nodded her head with a smile. "Thank you!"
Edwin did not push for more. He did not ask her what was she thinking then. He was only glad that she came to him instead of going to others.
Not until a few months back, she was running to everyone but him.
Well... he had earned it with great patience!
Ruth turned to leave after thanking Edwin and looked more composed and calm than when she walked into his office. Edwin did not stop her, only smiled at her when she turned her head to look at him last time before leaving.
Feeling better than before, Ruth began walking towards Elsie's chamber.
Little did she know that another trouble for the day was approaching her fast.
The whole day Ruth kept thinking about the mate bond and the story of Grace. She did not understand and agree on the werewolf ways but then how could she comment on that when the humans were ready to kill their own blood for the sake of the family prestige?! Ruth thought that the more she would dive into Edwin's world, she would lose herself. That was her biggest fear. Contrary to that, she was slowly finding herself in his world unknowingly. -"Every soul takes life in this world for a purpose. Yours is to be the anchorage his ship needs in the ocean of guilt, sorrow, anger and darkness. With his immense power, he is more vulnerable to falling into the trap of darkness. And, that was the root cause of the great war. In our world, a mate is not only to make love to bring children into the world. A mate is more than that. You are the link that can keep him connected to reality, the truth. As he is our guide, you are his guiding light. Without you, he will be lost, and so will we!"- Unexpectantly a conversation with Rees had cleared ways for Ruth. His words helped her understand the importance of her, not only in Edwin's life but also in the lives of his people. By now, she understood the responsibilities which would come with her love for Edwin. Now the only question was- was she ready to go through it all even after knowing that she could die? -"If you chose me, you will choose my wolf, my world, my people, my burdens and... the dangers too. You will not only be Edwin's wife, but you will also be the Luna of the werewolf breed. And always remember, with the title comes the responsibilities. You will need to be the mother figure for all of them, their guiding light. You may need to sacrifice many things even if you don't want it."- Edwin had already made it clear to her that there was no option of choosing only Edwin. The only available options were, either choosing or rejecting Edwin O'Dell, a werewolf leader. Suddenly Ruth began feeling a heavyweight on her shoulders. She felt like she was balancing her life on a finger of her right hand and her identity and ambitions on a finger of her left hand while walking on the slippery surface of immense possibilities and dangers. It was the next day, and she needed to go to 'the great manor'. She had not heard anything from Edwin, after their conversation about the Black book. She wondered what was he doing and if his wolf was alright. During her conversation with Elsie and Thea, they told Ruth how Edwin hurt Elsie and Lester badly when his wolf became uncontrollable. Ruth felt guilty as knowingly or unknowingly she was the reason for all of that. She only wished that would not repeat this time too. While passing by his building, Ruth could not help but keep looking at his office and the chamber. She tried ignoring her worries and walking away, but her mind was defeated by her concerned heart. She knew if he was in her place, then he wouldn't have left her side even for a second in this situation. She was not sure of her decision yet, but she could not deny her love for him. It was as strong and sacred as the mate bond. Not only their hearts but also their souls are connected on a deeper level. Ruth stopped in front of his chamber and was about to knock on the door when the burly guard outside informed her that Edwin was in his office. Thanking him, she then turned on the way to Edwin's office. Opening the door, she found his head stuffed in a mess of papers that sprawled all over his table. He was so engrossed in his work that he did not sense her presence. To gain his attention, Ruth cleared her throat. Edwin looked up from his work and was surprised to see Ruth in his office early in the morning. "Ruth?" She noticed how his tired face brightened visibly seeing her there. "Am I disturbing you?" She asked while lingering in the door. "No, I mean... please come." He said, putting the papers down. Ruth closed the door behind her as she walked slowly towards him. He expected her to stop near his desk. Instead, she walked past it and towards another table behind. He watched her in confusion as she poured some wolfsbane potion into a glass. She neared him and offered that glass to him. "I thought you need it." Edwin looked at her questioningly. "I know what is it. Lady Elsie told me that it helps you to keep your wolf in control." Ruth explained his unsaid question. Edwin forwarded his hand to take the glass. His fingertips lightly brushed hers, making her suck a breath. Ruth instantly tore her eyes from his hypnotising ones as she knew she would spend more time than intended if she kept looking into them. "Are you okay?" Edwin asked after taking a sip from the glass. If did not need it before, then he definitely needed it now, after seeing her standing right in front of him. She nodded her head slowly. "Just overwhelmed with all the information. I wish I would have studied so much in my childhood then I would have definitely been a teacher or something like that." She joked. Edwin smiled at her words. "You are a smart woman." "But I also want to be a wise one." She added quickly. "So you must search for a way to achieve that goal." He replied. Edwin enjoyed such random conversations with her. She was perhaps the only person who could make him talk for so long. And he did not mind it at all! "Hmm... I think I have found a way but..." She trailed off, staring down at the pen stand on his table. She was thinking about something. "But what?" "I think something is stopping me." She admitted truthfully. "And what is it?" Edwin asked curiously. By her expressions and depth of voice, he figured she was not speaking randomly. She was indeed pondering over it for some time. "Is it about your current situation?" Edwin asked the first doubt that came to his mind. Her eyes landed on his. "Perhaps" "Then you should not discuss it with me. There are chances I would influence you in my favour." Edwin said, staring deep in her hazel orbs. "Yes, there are chances of that. But will you?" She searched something on his face, fingers crossed at her sides. After a few moments, Edwin shook his head. "No!" He told simply. "Then I have come to the right person." She smiled, releasing her crossed fingers. "As per my knowledge what stops a person from doing what he wants is fear. My grandfather used to say that fear is the dangerous enemy of a being." Edwin recalled one of the most important life lessons he had received from his grandfather. "I thought it is laziness." Ruth argued. "Laziness is just an excuse to hide that fear." Edwin leaned behind in his chair as he said that. Every time Ruth had such discussions with this man, he enlightened a new perspective for her curious mind. "And what if I could not overcome that fear?" Ruth was tired of endless pondering. She did not want to discuss more with anyone else. She knew they all were trying to help her, yet she could not help but think that they all were somewhat biased to Edwin's side. Mrs Payne had already told her to not ask her opinion. She did not want to explain anything and influence Ruth's decision, yet she was there to clear her doubts and listen to her unbiasedly. She only told that she was with Ruth in her every choice. That left Ruth with no one but Edwin. He was the only person she trusted blindly and knew would never disappoint her. And that was why she came to ask for his help. "Fear is one of the prominent emotions we all feel. Some may show it, some may not. Yet it resides in all of our minds. And I think to be wise one must learn to control their mind. Do not let your fears dictate your life. We all get scared at some point in our lives. It is natural... accept it. But do not let it overpower your capabilities. Listen to your heart... it will guide you the right way." Ruth wondered if Edwin had mastered the skill of controlling his mind. Because in her eyes, he was the wisest person she had ever met... only if he chose to be! She nodded her head with a smile. "Thank you!" Edwin did not push for more. He did not ask her what was she thinking then. He was only glad that she came to him instead of going to others. Not until a few months back, she was running to everyone but him. Well... he had earned it with great patience! Ruth turned to leave after thanking Edwin and looked more composed and calm than when she walked into his office. Edwin did not stop her, only smiled at her when she turned her head to look at him last time before leaving. Feeling better than before, Ruth began walking towards Elsie's chamber. Little did she know that another trouble for the day was approaching her fast.
