A week had passed since our gas bills was shut off… and today, our electricity suffered the same fate.
My toes were frozen. Gone was the feeling of warmth.
The weather reports said the temperature would go down as low as 12 degrees fahrenheit. It was true. I could see smoke from my breath while sitting inside the comfort of my home.
My fruitless efforts turning on the gaslight several times bore no fruits and I’d given up, proceeding to cover myself with layers of clothing instead. And it was midnight. I had no place to go should I choose to leave for the night, therefore, I did my best. I sat tightly, body curled up into a ball.
The blanket over me barely provided any semblance of warmth as I held onto my phone that had a bit of battery left.
In this suffocating and small home, the only faint light of hope came from my phone.
“…..So cold…”
The heat from my phone was the last best source I had left. If it shuts off as well, then I’d need to survive this long night with only my body and warmth.
Absentmindedly, I opened the KakaoTalk app and saw many messages I’ve yet to read.
‘Gyeo Ul-Ah, what are you up to these days? We’re going to a ski resort. Do you want to come as well?’
‘What have you been up to? You haven’t replied. Are you dead?’
‘Gyeo Ul-Ah… Gyeo Ul-Ah…’
‘Hey! Yun Gyeo Ul-Ah..!!’
After mindlessly staring at the message for a while, I turned off the screen.
‘Sigh…’
A sigh escaped my lips unconsciously. I was thankful, thankful for the friends who cared for me, but I live a different life from them. I had no freedom. I had no money. To go to the ski resort my friend offered would mean that I’d have to starve for a month. And because of my stubborn pride, I could not, would not tell them of my current situation. I would never tell.
‘Sorry, I’m busy… let’s play together next time.’
I’d keep making excuses… one after another…
On top of my extremely impoverished and destitute environment, I had a father with previous criminal records. It was better to keep my distance from them. I’d only trouble them…
‘I don’t blame you, mother.’
If I had a husband like my father, I too would leave as soon as possible. Though I would not dare to leave my child behind… like mother did. Mother thought me too much of a burden to be with me. And so she left. Alone.
Since then, I’ve spent most of my childhood under the shadow of my father. Once I came to adulthood, I tried to run away. I did. But somehow, he always found me, proceeding to violate me for as long as he wished.
Abuse was in his blood, in his authority. Father stole all the money I worked hard to save up for university. Now that dream became a broken piece and something far out of reach. Currently, I jump from job to job, all part-time, to earn for my… our living expenses. On top of a massive debt piling one after another, father kept getting trouble with the authorities for multitudes of crimes. I’d receive mails notifying of his presence inside the jail. He probably would not be able to come home even if he wished to.
‘I wouldn’t be in these troubling times if I hadn’t gone to the ER back then…’
I let out another sigh.
Two months ago, I had no choice but to be sent to the ER. The bill was unexpectedly high and I was unable to pay off the gas and electricity bill that was long overdue. Even working daily was not enough. I could barely afford to pay off rent and living expenses.
A melancholic smile appeared on my lips. I wrapped the blanket tighter on my body, then suddenly…
Thud!
“Open the door!”
The hairs from the back of my neck stood. The familiar voice caused my heartbeat to quicken and beat sporadically. The man’s voice, a needle to my thorn, was a voice I was no stranger to.
‘…..Father…’
He was supposed to be in jail. When did he get out? Father did not give me a moment to think of the possibilities.
Thud! Thud!
His violent pounding brought out a familiar feeling, like the time the owner of the place called the authorities… I ran to the front and quickly opened the door.
“Hey! I nearly froze to death! Why’d it take you so long?!”
He spat out vile words of anger, each and sentence followed by the disgusting stench of alcohol. I managed to control myself from pinching my nose from the horrid smell and stared at father instead. He wore a weathered old coat that had not been clean for ages and an indistinguishable stains printed all over his clothes along with the dirt coating onto shoes.
“When did you get out?”
“Yesterday. Besides that, give me some money. I don’t have any left and I need a few more drinks.”
He held out his hands, demanding that I give him cash. I shook my head lightly.
“I don’t have any… I don’t even have enough to pay for the electricity or gas bills.”
“Don’t joke with me. Though you say that, I know you’re hiding something. I’m warning you, give me some before this turns into a big mess.”
Father lifted his hand threatening to hit me.
I knew the pain that would follow. I flinched unconsciously.
“Fine. If you’re not going to give it to me, then I’ll look for it myself. You stay right there, Yeon Gyeo Ul.”
His mannerisms were of a threatening fashion and strides intimidating. He walked inside, shoes still on, and opened drawers after drawers. The apartment was turned inside out.
I used this opening window as a chance and bolted out the front door and into the freezing, cold winter.
“Hey! Yun Gyeo Ul!”
Father realized all too late of my means to escape and hurriedly chased after me.
I ran down the stairs as fast as I could, but the ground was frozen, wet, and slippery.
I slipped and fell.
“Ugh…!”
I let out a moan. During my bouts of pain, father soon caught up to me while I quickly sucked in a breath of air and used my two hands to prop myself up. My hands and knees, scraped from the fall, stung with great pain. I tried to escape and run down the stairs, but…
‘…..It’s too late…’
Our apartment was on the rooftop and the place I happened to stop at, not by choice, was at the edge of the roof.
Whoosh…!
My long hair swung violently from the wintry wind.
“Why must you make this difficult, you little bitch? Just give it to me. I won’t hurt you if you do.”
“I really don’t have any…”
The only thing I had was 20,000 won, the only thing I had to survive for the next 2 weeks ’till the next paycheck. If this was gone, I’d have no money to purchase groceries. I would starve.
“If you don’t have any, little bitch, then why are you running away? Stop lying to me, and just hand it to me before you piss me off even more!”
Father picked up his feet and moved a step closer to me, cursing angrily while he was at it. I took a step backward. Behind me was the edge. Any closer would mean my death.
Father’s large, bloodshot eyes was menacing.
“Why you little…”
Before his large hands landed…
“!”
I felt my body floating in the air. In the time it had taken me to blink, father’s silhouette grew smaller by the moment. His bewildered eyes staring back at me was a sight to see. I wondered if there would be a probable chance that I’d survive from falling off of a 5-story building. But… if I did, I would not be able to keep on living. The medical bills were not something I could afford.
I had lived my whole life stubbornly and coldly, and now my life ends in this terribly tragic way. Maybe it’s what I deserve. Well… there’s no point dwelling over the matter. All the things I worked hard to attain all my life was blown away like a dust in the wind.
Because of this family…
A happy and loving family, a family that cared and watched out for each other’s back was not something I deserved.
‘It’s alright… I don’t need anything from now on…’
That’s why…
“That’s why… let this darkness take me in the comfort of the abyss…’
And then… darkness came…
***
“Mabel.”
A deep, low voice muttered as I felt my body float in midair. Unfamiliar hands enveloped my body and brought me to his chest. He cradled me.
“Mabel… Mabel…”
The unfamiliar voice repeated ‘Mabel’ twice. I presumed it to be a name of some sort.
“Ah… you little cutie.”
He laughed, his finger running over the corner of my lips. It was a foreign language, the first I heard of it, but strangely, it felt familiar to me.
‘What is happening…?’
My fluttering eyes opened, trying to comprehend my current situation, but I could not see properly. I could only make out a faint light and darkness. I tried to blink, but all was futile. I grew tired and fell asleep.
***
Mabel’s thoughts kept breaking apart and scattering away. She could not hold out her thoughts long enough to ponder over what had occured. She knew someone was holding her in their arms and cradling her back and forth. She could not do anything but shift her head. She had no energy to do anything else.
“A few days has passed and she’s grown quite a lot.”
“Yes, bless the heavens… it makes me glad Her Highness has grown up healthy and without problems.”
A voice of a man and woman could be heard.
Perhaps… she was born again…
‘They are my parents…?’
For some odd reason, a tear slipped out from the corner of her eyes. It was not out of happiness but from the thought that she had a loving family. She recalled her alcoholic and abusive father looking at her once with great happiness and her mother abandoning her…
She felt tired knowing she would have to live through a repeated cycle of unhappiness.
***
It had taken me a month long to realize that I passed through another world. After I reincarnated, I came to know that I retained the memories of my past life. I was shocked that tears suddenly began to fall.
“Waah!”
“Oh my. It’s not time to eat yet. What wrong, Your Highness? There, there.”
Yes, that’s right. I reincarnated… as the princess of a nation. When I first heard her call me princess, I merely thought it was that of a parent calling their daughter princess. But this was not the case. I was a princess. A real life royalty.
I was in a hurry to deny the truth and reality, but as the days progressed, the same occurence kept repeating and I was left without a choice but to accept this current reality.
‘Mabel Gardenia Ermano.’
This was the name given to me. Hearing the word Mabel repeated far too many times before I was able to think properly made me feel like I was being… brainwashed. And also, the nation I was in was the Great Empire Ermano – the Ermano Empire.
‘I know that being born into a rich family would be better than living a destitute life, but this, this is too much of a wide gap.’
Remembering that the me that was Yun Gyeo-Ul died for a measly 20,000 won left me dejected. But in any case, it was time to lay down my past and live as the second child of the Ermano royal family.
As for my situation… based on the novels I’ve read, the father would grow bitter and angry at the death of his wife and turn to the child, blaming her for the murder of his wife. I wonder if the Emperor was the same.
‘Well, I wouldn’t mind being neglected.’
I did hear a man’s voice calling out to me far too many times before I was able to think coherently, but I was not sure whether it was a dream or reality.
The woman whom I thought was my mother turned out to be a nanny and so I assumed that the man who called out to me back then was not my father, but someone else.
The thought that I reincarnated inside an infant’s body while retaining the mind of an adult horrified me. It scared me and sent chills down my back, but why am I so sleepy when I have not done anything? There was nothing I could do but to eat and sleep all day.
After a period of cries and tears I fell asleep only to wake from the touch of someone’s hand was pressing on my cheek.
“…?”
“Look at her, Madam. It’s like she’s staring at me. Oh, I think our eyes met!”
The first view I saw were a deep, blue eyes staring down at me. Seeing an unfamiliar face for the first time, I froze in place.
“It seems that Her Highness is starting to recognize her father. She used to cry so much before this, but now she’s all calm, as if it was all a lie.”
The nanny’s words confused me.
‘So… this man… is my father…?’
The man was so young that I found it difficult to believe that he was my father.
Father? Isn’t he more like my older brother? Yes, it would be more believable if he was my older brother with a large age gap.
He had blue-colored-eyes and specks of silver hair that reached down long enough to cover his neck. Though his facial features looked menacing, he smiled at me constantly. He looked friendly.
But at that moment, the man stretched his hand out.
“!”
‘I’m going to be hit!’
I instinctively thought that he was going to hit me so I shut both of my eyes tightly. But no pain came about. I opened my eyes slowly as I felt a smooth touch swirling over my head. The man smiled freely, though I did not know why he was beaming with smiles.
“She’s my daughter, all right. Recognizing her father right away. Heh, what a smart little child.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
The man who was my father was different from what I imagined him to be. Perhaps I had watched too many dramas and read too many novels. Usually, the father would go, “You made my wife die!”and grow cold towards the child in this sort of scenario.
Meanwhile, the man’s hand slowed down slightly.
“…If Sianna was still alive, she would burst out with happiness.”
“…Your Majesty…”
With the man’s melancholic tone and the nanny’s solemn reply, I came to the conclusion that Sianna was my mother’s name.
The man’s sight was locked onto me, but it seemed as if his mind was preoccupied at the thought of his wife that passed away.
“Mabel, I promise that your father will do his best to protect you.”
The man’s large finger touched my slightly opened palm. I unconsciously gripped onto that finger tightly.
It was not done intentionally… I swear…!
It was common knowledge that babies would reflexibly grab at things that touche their hand…
But why was this man, who calls himself my father, smiling so brightly?
“How cute you are.”
The man smiled blissfully, staring at his grabbed finger. Anyone could see the pure happiness overloading his face.
But for me, this immense amount of attention came with a great burden. I was the only one that existed, a precious fragile daughter that he placed all his love and attention onto would not matter in the end. A man’s behaviour could change unexpectedly and without notice. My life had never been so great and so I was not confident that I would not be tossed aside over time.
I never expected it, a family’s love… it wasn’t for me.
“Gyeo Ul-a. My cute little Gyeo-Ul.”
My father… I remember those sweet memories well, him kissing me on the cheek because he loved me. He changed not long after.
It would be best that this silver-haired man not love me in the first place so I would not have any hopes of being loved.
Though it would be a lie to say that my doubts were not shaken thanks to this man’s absolute love and kindness, and so I tried to recall the promise I made to myself…
‘I don’t need anything from now on.’
Yes, so I should not expect anything this time, and quietly pass on without standing out.
In the end, it was best to live a lonely life than to place my hopes on others and live in misery.
***
The Great Ermano Empire’s emperor, Esteban Nis Ermano, had two problems that plagued his mind recently. Once was how to deal with the magnate hostage that was captured during a confrontation at Devlin Empire’s (their enemy) borders, and the other was his daughter, Mabel, who was around a month old.
Esteban decided to put aside the Devlin hostage situation for now.
‘There’s nothing more important than Mabel anyways.’
The reason that it became a national problem was the high number of priests proclaiming that Mabel was the daughter of the gods and that they needed to bring her to the holy capital of Abelardo to raise her there.
The priests talked of a vision, a prophecy that they saw on the day that Mabel was born and used this excuse to bring her to the holy capital.
“Right, visions.”
Esteban gritted his teeth. Those priests often came rushing inside the palace to declare their visions.
「At the far east, a seed that will save the world will be sown.」
The Great Ermano Empire was located in the far east. On the day that Mabel was born, a lightning bolt struck above the palace. This matter was known to all. Even Esteban, who held Empress Sianna’s hand tightly during her labor, heard the sounds of thunder.
Though the servants collectively said nothing was wrong with the princess and all was well, Esteban was not happy.
Two weeks had passed since Sianna’s tragic death. She could not handle the pain of childbirth due to her weak constitution. Her passing away was a shock and caused him much grief, and so, Mabel, his lovely daughter that looked similar to his wife, became a special existence.
Mabel was Sianna’s last gift for him.
Esteban’s expression was sharp and fierce. It looked ready to pierce through the letters the priest sent him.
In the end, he ripped it apart.
“Ah…”
His aide, who watched Estaban at the side, groaned painfully and covered his face with his two hands.
Estaban turned his head and looked at the aide, his words cold and piercing.
“Tell them that we decline and have no thoughts of reconsideration.”
“Yes, of course…”
Esteban planned to ignore the priests’s pleas completely, but he wasn’t sure how long he would be able to last. He’s sure the holy capital would send their requests constantly until he gave in.
The priests argued that since The Great Ermano Empire had Oscar, the first prince, there would be little chance for Mabel to hold the throne and become Emperor. Therefore, it was acceptable that she be raised in the holy capital instead.
In any case, he needed to find a way to stop the holy capital’s ongoing persistence to snatch his daughter away from him.
The priests be damned!
Esteban was ripping another letter from the priests when he felt a presence lurking behind the door. He looked up and made an eye gesture at the servant nearby.
The servant quickly opened the door.
“Ah…!”
A soft cry could be heard.
A week had passed since our gas bills was shut off… and today, our electricity suffered the same fate.
My toes were frozen. Gone was the feeling of warmth.
The weather reports said the temperature would go down as low as 12 degrees fahrenheit. It was true. I could see smoke from my breath while sitting inside the comfort of my home.
My fruitless efforts turning on the gaslight several times bore no fruits and I’d given up, proceeding to cover myself with layers of clothing instead. And it was midnight. I had no place to go should I choose to leave for the night, therefore, I did my best. I sat tightly, body curled up into a ball.
The blanket over me barely provided any semblance of warmth as I held onto my phone that had a bit of battery left.
In this suffocating and small home, the only faint light of hope came from my phone.
“…..So cold…”
The heat from my phone was the last best source I had left. If it shuts off as well, then I’d need to survive this long night with only my body and warmth.
Absentmindedly, I opened the KakaoTalk app and saw many messages I’ve yet to read.
‘Gyeo Ul-Ah, what are you up to these days? We’re going to a ski resort. Do you want to come as well?’
‘What have you been up to? You haven’t replied. Are you dead?’
‘Gyeo Ul-Ah… Gyeo Ul-Ah…’
‘Hey! Yun Gyeo Ul-Ah..!!’
After mindlessly staring at the message for a while, I turned off the screen.
‘Sigh…’
A sigh escaped my lips unconsciously. I was thankful, thankful for the friends who cared for me, but I live a different life from them. I had no freedom. I had no money. To go to the ski resort my friend offered would mean that I’d have to starve for a month. And because of my stubborn pride, I could not, would not tell them of my current situation. I would never tell.
‘Sorry, I’m busy… let’s play together next time.’
I’d keep making excuses… one after another…
On top of my extremely impoverished and destitute environment, I had a father with previous criminal records. It was better to keep my distance from them. I’d only trouble them…
‘I don’t blame you, mother.’
If I had a husband like my father, I too would leave as soon as possible. Though I would not dare to leave my child behind… like mother did. Mother thought me too much of a burden to be with me. And so she left. Alone.
Since then, I’ve spent most of my childhood under the shadow of my father. Once I came to adulthood, I tried to run away. I did. But somehow, he always found me, proceeding to violate me for as long as he wished.
Abuse was in his blood, in his authority. Father stole all the money I worked hard to save up for university. Now that dream became a broken piece and something far out of reach. Currently, I jump from job to job, all part-time, to earn for my… our living expenses. On top of a massive debt piling one after another, father kept getting trouble with the authorities for multitudes of crimes. I’d receive mails notifying of his presence inside the jail. He probably would not be able to come home even if he wished to.
‘I wouldn’t be in these troubling times if I hadn’t gone to the ER back then…’
I let out another sigh.
Two months ago, I had no choice but to be sent to the ER. The bill was unexpectedly high and I was unable to pay off the gas and electricity bill that was long overdue. Even working daily was not enough. I could barely afford to pay off rent and living expenses.
A melancholic smile appeared on my lips. I wrapped the blanket tighter on my body, then suddenly…
Thud!
“Open the door!”
The hairs from the back of my neck stood. The familiar voice caused my heartbeat to quicken and beat sporadically. The man’s voice, a needle to my thorn, was a voice I was no stranger to.
‘…..Father…’
He was supposed to be in jail. When did he get out? Father did not give me a moment to think of the possibilities.
Thud! Thud!
His violent pounding brought out a familiar feeling, like the time the owner of the place called the authorities… I ran to the front and quickly opened the door.
“Hey! I nearly froze to death! Why’d it take you so long?!”
He spat out vile words of anger, each and sentence followed by the disgusting stench of alcohol. I managed to control myself from pinching my nose from the horrid smell and stared at father instead. He wore a weathered old coat that had not been clean for ages and an indistinguishable stains printed all over his clothes along with the dirt coating onto shoes.
“When did you get out?”
“Yesterday. Besides that, give me some money. I don’t have any left and I need a few more drinks.”
He held out his hands, demanding that I give him cash. I shook my head lightly.
“I don’t have any… I don’t even have enough to pay for the electricity or gas bills.”
“Don’t joke with me. Though you say that, I know you’re hiding something. I’m warning you, give me some before this turns into a big mess.”
Father lifted his hand threatening to hit me.
I knew the pain that would follow. I flinched unconsciously.
“Fine. If you’re not going to give it to me, then I’ll look for it myself. You stay right there, Yeon Gyeo Ul.”
His mannerisms were of a threatening fashion and strides intimidating. He walked inside, shoes still on, and opened drawers after drawers. The apartment was turned inside out.
I used this opening window as a chance and bolted out the front door and into the freezing, cold winter.
“Hey! Yun Gyeo Ul!”
Father realized all too late of my means to escape and hurriedly chased after me.
I ran down the stairs as fast as I could, but the ground was frozen, wet, and slippery.
I slipped and fell.
“Ugh…!”
I let out a moan. During my bouts of pain, father soon caught up to me while I quickly sucked in a breath of air and used my two hands to prop myself up. My hands and knees, scraped from the fall, stung with great pain. I tried to escape and run down the stairs, but…
‘…..It’s too late…’
Our apartment was on the rooftop and the place I happened to stop at, not by choice, was at the edge of the roof.
Whoosh…!
My long hair swung violently from the wintry wind.
“Why must you make this difficult, you little bitch? Just give it to me. I won’t hurt you if you do.”
“I really don’t have any…”
The only thing I had was 20,000 won, the only thing I had to survive for the next 2 weeks ’till the next paycheck. If this was gone, I’d have no money to purchase groceries. I would starve.
“If you don’t have any, little bitch, then why are you running away? Stop lying to me, and just hand it to me before you piss me off even more!”
Father picked up his feet and moved a step closer to me, cursing angrily while he was at it. I took a step backward. Behind me was the edge. Any closer would mean my death.
Father’s large, bloodshot eyes was menacing.
“Why you little…”
Before his large hands landed…
“!”
I felt my body floating in the air. In the time it had taken me to blink, father’s silhouette grew smaller by the moment. His bewildered eyes staring back at me was a sight to see. I wondered if there would be a probable chance that I’d survive from falling off of a 5-story building. But… if I did, I would not be able to keep on living. The medical bills were not something I could afford.
I had lived my whole life stubbornly and coldly, and now my life ends in this terribly tragic way. Maybe it’s what I deserve. Well… there’s no point dwelling over the matter. All the things I worked hard to attain all my life was blown away like a dust in the wind.
Because of this family…
A happy and loving family, a family that cared and watched out for each other’s back was not something I deserved.
‘It’s alright… I don’t need anything from now on…’
That’s why…
“That’s why… let this darkness take me in the comfort of the abyss…’
And then… darkness came…
***
“Mabel.”
A deep, low voice muttered as I felt my body float in midair. Unfamiliar hands enveloped my body and brought me to his chest. He cradled me.
“Mabel… Mabel…”
The unfamiliar voice repeated ‘Mabel’ twice. I presumed it to be a name of some sort.
“Ah… you little cutie.”
He laughed, his finger running over the corner of my lips. It was a foreign language, the first I heard of it, but strangely, it felt familiar to me.
‘What is happening…?’
My fluttering eyes opened, trying to comprehend my current situation, but I could not see properly. I could only make out a faint light and darkness. I tried to blink, but all was futile. I grew tired and fell asleep.
***
Mabel’s thoughts kept breaking apart and scattering away. She could not hold out her thoughts long enough to ponder over what had occured. She knew someone was holding her in their arms and cradling her back and forth. She could not do anything but shift her head. She had no energy to do anything else.
“A few days has passed and she’s grown quite a lot.”
“Yes, bless the heavens… it makes me glad Her Highness has grown up healthy and without problems.”
A voice of a man and woman could be heard.
Perhaps… she was born again…
‘They are my parents…?’
For some odd reason, a tear slipped out from the corner of her eyes. It was not out of happiness but from the thought that she had a loving family. She recalled her alcoholic and abusive father looking at her once with great happiness and her mother abandoning her…
She felt tired knowing she would have to live through a repeated cycle of unhappiness.
***
It had taken me a month long to realize that I passed through another world. After I reincarnated, I came to know that I retained the memories of my past life. I was shocked that tears suddenly began to fall.
“Waah!”
“Oh my. It’s not time to eat yet. What wrong, Your Highness? There, there.”
Yes, that’s right. I reincarnated… as the princess of a nation. When I first heard her call me princess, I merely thought it was that of a parent calling their daughter princess. But this was not the case. I was a princess. A real life royalty.
I was in a hurry to deny the truth and reality, but as the days progressed, the same occurence kept repeating and I was left without a choice but to accept this current reality.
‘Mabel Gardenia Ermano.’
This was the name given to me. Hearing the word Mabel repeated far too many times before I was able to think properly made me feel like I was being… brainwashed. And also, the nation I was in was the Great Empire Ermano – the Ermano Empire.
‘I know that being born into a rich family would be better than living a destitute life, but this, this is too much of a wide gap.’
Remembering that the me that was Yun Gyeo-Ul died for a measly 20,000 won left me dejected. But in any case, it was time to lay down my past and live as the second child of the Ermano royal family.
As for my situation… based on the novels I’ve read, the father would grow bitter and angry at the death of his wife and turn to the child, blaming her for the murder of his wife. I wonder if the Emperor was the same.
‘Well, I wouldn’t mind being neglected.’
I did hear a man’s voice calling out to me far too many times before I was able to think coherently, but I was not sure whether it was a dream or reality.
The woman whom I thought was my mother turned out to be a nanny and so I assumed that the man who called out to me back then was not my father, but someone else.
The thought that I reincarnated inside an infant’s body while retaining the mind of an adult horrified me. It scared me and sent chills down my back, but why am I so sleepy when I have not done anything? There was nothing I could do but to eat and sleep all day.
After a period of cries and tears I fell asleep only to wake from the touch of someone’s hand was pressing on my cheek.
“…?”
“Look at her, Madam. It’s like she’s staring at me. Oh, I think our eyes met!”
The first view I saw were a deep, blue eyes staring down at me. Seeing an unfamiliar face for the first time, I froze in place.
“It seems that Her Highness is starting to recognize her father. She used to cry so much before this, but now she’s all calm, as if it was all a lie.”
The nanny’s words confused me.
‘So… this man… is my father…?’
The man was so young that I found it difficult to believe that he was my father.
Father? Isn’t he more like my older brother? Yes, it would be more believable if he was my older brother with a large age gap.
He had blue-colored-eyes and specks of silver hair that reached down long enough to cover his neck. Though his facial features looked menacing, he smiled at me constantly. He looked friendly.
But at that moment, the man stretched his hand out.
“!”
‘I’m going to be hit!’
I instinctively thought that he was going to hit me so I shut both of my eyes tightly. But no pain came about. I opened my eyes slowly as I felt a smooth touch swirling over my head. The man smiled freely, though I did not know why he was beaming with smiles.
“She’s my daughter, all right. Recognizing her father right away. Heh, what a smart little child.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
The man who was my father was different from what I imagined him to be. Perhaps I had watched too many dramas and read too many novels. Usually, the father would go, “You made my wife die!”and grow cold towards the child in this sort of scenario.
Meanwhile, the man’s hand slowed down slightly.
“…If Sianna was still alive, she would burst out with happiness.”
“…Your Majesty…”
With the man’s melancholic tone and the nanny’s solemn reply, I came to the conclusion that Sianna was my mother’s name.
The man’s sight was locked onto me, but it seemed as if his mind was preoccupied at the thought of his wife that passed away.
“Mabel, I promise that your father will do his best to protect you.”
The man’s large finger touched my slightly opened palm. I unconsciously gripped onto that finger tightly.
It was not done intentionally… I swear…!
It was common knowledge that babies would reflexibly grab at things that touche their hand…
But why was this man, who calls himself my father, smiling so brightly?
“How cute you are.”
The man smiled blissfully, staring at his grabbed finger. Anyone could see the pure happiness overloading his face.
But for me, this immense amount of attention came with a great burden. I was the only one that existed, a precious fragile daughter that he placed all his love and attention onto would not matter in the end. A man’s behaviour could change unexpectedly and without notice. My life had never been so great and so I was not confident that I would not be tossed aside over time.
I never expected it, a family’s love… it wasn’t for me.
“Gyeo Ul-a. My cute little Gyeo-Ul.”
My father… I remember those sweet memories well, him kissing me on the cheek because he loved me. He changed not long after.
It would be best that this silver-haired man not love me in the first place so I would not have any hopes of being loved.
Though it would be a lie to say that my doubts were not shaken thanks to this man’s absolute love and kindness, and so I tried to recall the promise I made to myself…
‘I don’t need anything from now on.’
Yes, so I should not expect anything this time, and quietly pass on without standing out.
In the end, it was best to live a lonely life than to place my hopes on others and live in misery.
***
The Great Ermano Empire’s emperor, Esteban Nis Ermano, had two problems that plagued his mind recently. Once was how to deal with the magnate hostage that was captured during a confrontation at Devlin Empire’s (their enemy) borders, and the other was his daughter, Mabel, who was around a month old.
Esteban decided to put aside the Devlin hostage situation for now.
‘There’s nothing more important than Mabel anyways.’
The reason that it became a national problem was the high number of priests proclaiming that Mabel was the daughter of the gods and that they needed to bring her to the holy capital of Abelardo to raise her there.
The priests talked of a vision, a prophecy that they saw on the day that Mabel was born and used this excuse to bring her to the holy capital.
“Right, visions.”
Esteban gritted his teeth. Those priests often came rushing inside the palace to declare their visions.
「At the far east, a seed that will save the world will be sown.」
The Great Ermano Empire was located in the far east. On the day that Mabel was born, a lightning bolt struck above the palace. This matter was known to all. Even Esteban, who held Empress Sianna’s hand tightly during her labor, heard the sounds of thunder.
Though the servants collectively said nothing was wrong with the princess and all was well, Esteban was not happy.
Two weeks had passed since Sianna’s tragic death. She could not handle the pain of childbirth due to her weak constitution. Her passing away was a shock and caused him much grief, and so, Mabel, his lovely daughter that looked similar to his wife, became a special existence.
Mabel was Sianna’s last gift for him.
Esteban’s expression was sharp and fierce. It looked ready to pierce through the letters the priest sent him.
In the end, he ripped it apart.
“Ah…”
His aide, who watched Estaban at the side, groaned painfully and covered his face with his two hands.
Estaban turned his head and looked at the aide, his words cold and piercing.
“Tell them that we decline and have no thoughts of reconsideration.”
“Yes, of course…”
Esteban planned to ignore the priests’s pleas completely, but he wasn’t sure how long he would be able to last. He’s sure the holy capital would send their requests constantly until he gave in.
The priests argued that since The Great Ermano Empire had Oscar, the first prince, there would be little chance for Mabel to hold the throne and become Emperor. Therefore, it was acceptable that she be raised in the holy capital instead.
In any case, he needed to find a way to stop the holy capital’s ongoing persistence to snatch his daughter away from him.
The priests be damned!
Esteban was ripping another letter from the priests when he felt a presence lurking behind the door. He looked up and made an eye gesture at the servant nearby.
The servant quickly opened the door.
“Ah…!”
A soft cry could be heard.
