Chapter 36: Cold Cold Cold
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Chapter 36: Cold Cold Cold
After a few hours of a boat ride, Romeo pulled up to an island. As far as islands go, I thought it was a relatively small onebut lush with vibrant green vegetation. I had no clue where the fuck we were, but it didn't matter; I focused on tackling the anxiety squirming around inside of me, that fear of failure. Romeo swapped into sandals, slipped his shades on, and hopped off the boat with a smirk and swagger as if we'd gone on vacation. "I'll take a look. You will set up my tent on the dirt, no?" Visit no(v)eLb(i)n.com for the best novel reading experience
I followed him off the boat. The jade bottle in my pack felt multiple times heavier than it actually was. I didn't need to get stronger for only myself but those around me. That burden was intense; failure here meant their suffering.
I set up the tent. It was a simple green tent that didn't quite fit my uncle. As I jammed the pegs into the ground, I felt my piled exhaustion threatening to collapse on me. The wind was a pleasant relief as I watched the waves slowly rock the boat anchored not far from shore. I'd made a lot of selfish decisions. Id thought joining the Brass Kings would be the best way to earn cashnominally, for my Ma. But was it? I joined because I couldnt hold a real job and thought trouble was fun. Shed never complained either, even as I watched her struggle after pops passed away.
After setting up the tent, I sat before the waves and watched the water as it flowed back and forth. The constant rocking motion was a balm for my soul.
Ma had never asked for my help; it'd been me who insisted after seeing her pain and struggle. But how much had I added to that she didn't show? How much money had I blown on dumb bets? That pervasive thought that maybe this gamble would be the one always led to worse decisions and prevented me from doing right by my family.
I'd been hotheaded, arrogant, and like Eve always said: A complete dumbass. It was only by luck I fell into the Seventh Division that things seemed to be turning around. And Id thought it was the end of the world when they took me in.
How much had I been wrong about? The lack of perspective was enough to want to slap myself. But there wasn't anything I could do about it now, hours away from New Valentine; it wasn't like I could swim back, and I sure didn't know how to drive a boat. It's funny how distance can put your struggles in a new light. Make you see the failing of how you approached your decisions; why had I been so small-minded?
Tristan went on and on about me failing to plan. And he'd been right. Every time I could've set myself up for a better path down the road, I'd chosen the option that gave the most immediate gratification.
Romeo walked back through the small forest; sunglasses tucked in his shirt, he arched an eyebrow.
Ya ever
Wonder why we do this? He read my thoughts, and the shock mustve shown since Romeo let out a small laugh. Ive worn that same expression beforebut it is a simple answer, no?
If it is, I dont see it.
It is because we must, passerotto. It is our duty, as those blessed with anima. There are plenty who cannot ever do what we doeven those among our own family. So we, chosen by the heavens, must be the pillar of strength as they intended. To rise to that duty, Luca, that is what it means to be a man. You understand, yes?
I let his answer sit, and my Uncle joined me in the sand. Despite the pressing future of me breaking into the next stage, he was content to let us relax on the beach. The absurdity of this vacation nearly made me laugh out loud. Wed spent two weeks in a hectic whirl of training that broke me multiple times with exhaustion and strained my limits. But now, we were soaking in the sun on a small island.
I was grateful for the silence. That Romeo always offered me the chance to think through his words. Id never fully realized it, but the mans meaning always seemed to live between his wordslike him, they had more to them than the extravagance of their first appearance.
Orange and red birds flickered around the island. Then I felt it. A sort of natural energy to this place that radiated from below. The clean air, the nature, simplicity in this pocket of the world I never got in my day-to-day life in New Valentine.
Eventually, I stood up, stretching. The sun was starting to reach the horizon. I supposed wed head to sleep and get started in the morning. I began to walk towards the tent. Romeo somehow climbed to his feet and slid between me and the tent in an instantA wild smile filled with malicious intent plastered on his face. Where is it you think youre going, passerotto?
Id be back on the same shitty trajectory of my life, which had a decent shot of ending in two weeks. It wasnt a stretch to say he planned some kind of attack based on Tristan's prior acts. Though, how he planned to justify it to the Brass Kings, I didnt have a clue. Id grown stronger, but if I couldnt break through to the next stage, I would die. People would pay the price for my actions.
It all seemed so pointless. I wasnt enough. I was a small kid who never got over his father's death and lashed out against all the people who wanted to helpdriving myself further into a hole and bashing my head down there, too afraid to accept any hands trying to help me out.
Romeo swapped with his Soul but didnt say a word. Casually relaxing on the beach on a towel, occasionally turning a calm and measured glance at me. How much of this was for me, and how much of it was a private vacation for him?
Around noon, he broke out food. I tried to get up to join him, starving.
He was over to me in a second and shoved me back down into the sand. No, passerotto. There is no eating until youve finished.
My eyes shot wide, and my stomach protested, but there was no breaking that command. Id promised, and hed shove me back down even if I disobeyed. There was nothing I could do as he at the delicious smelling sandwich, and later when he grilled a steak on a fire.
Another day passed.
No sleep. No food. I was a shell and could barely feel my legs from their extended lotus pose. There wasnt a shot in hell Id be able to even walk after this damn exercise. And I wasnt going to break through soon. If I hadnt been born with this damned Soul Seed, where would I be right now? Where would fate have taken me? Would I have done well in school like Alex? Maybe Id have some prospects for my future other than life on the streets. I was a cultivator. But did that mean a damn? There were those in Sects and corporations who got to live snug little lives that maybe pushed them to immortality. Yet, here I wasa piece of shit to the people I cared about because of my choices.
If I wasnt a cultivator, would I have felt alone for so long?
These choices werent imposed on me. Sure, I didnt have a say in some decisions, but I picked how Id reacted to what life threw my way. But after dad died, Id pushed my luck, again and again, lashing out and trying to find danger. Blaming it on my Soul Seed, trying to justify it by thinking it was just a part of my path to pursuing my Dao.
Itd been me who cornered myself into a box. I lied to myself and swore that I'd have a better life if Id been born different. But if I traced those roots back to the Seed of the problemit was me, not how Id been born.
Id always been the one who decided my fate. Id been the one to fuck up my life in innumerable ways. Impulsive, brash, and pigheaded to the point of failure.
It'd been me all along, from joining the Brass Kings to ignoring school. Id chased a dragon with more significant risks until something always broke. Why?
Because it felt good, throwing your life into chance absolved yourself of the results that came after, it was a freedom that came from lying to yourself. You might not be the one who decided what way the dice would land, but you were the one who threw them. I pushed away people because they might see what I was doing, afraid they might keep me accountable.
Id been the one to decide my fate wasnt mine to make.
Fickle Fate was little better than a coin flip. But not because of my Dao.
It was because of me.
Something snapped. My eyes opened wide with shock as a pure electric burst popped in me. That was it. A deep thundered chime ran out from the Soul Seed in my chest. My Daoit was Fate. It was how the world came across crossroads, to shift it, be part of it, and explore it. That was what my Soul Seed craved. Id been so fucking blind.
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Chapter 36: Cold Cold Cold
After a few hours of a boat ride, Romeo pulled up to an island. As far as islands go, I thought it was a relatively small onebut lush with vibrant green vegetation. I had no clue where the fuck we were, but it didn't matter; I focused on tackling the anxiety squirming around inside of me, that fear of failure. Romeo swapped into sandals, slipped his shades on, and hopped off the boat with a smirk and swagger as if we'd gone on vacation. "I'll take a look. You will set up my tent on the dirt, no?" Visit no(v)eLb(i)n.com for the best novel reading experience
I followed him off the boat. The jade bottle in my pack felt multiple times heavier than it actually was. I didn't need to get stronger for only myself but those around me. That burden was intense; failure here meant their suffering.
I set up the tent. It was a simple green tent that didn't quite fit my uncle. As I jammed the pegs into the ground, I felt my piled exhaustion threatening to collapse on me. The wind was a pleasant relief as I watched the waves slowly rock the boat anchored not far from shore. I'd made a lot of selfish decisions. Id thought joining the Brass Kings would be the best way to earn cashnominally, for my Ma. But was it? I joined because I couldnt hold a real job and thought trouble was fun. Shed never complained either, even as I watched her struggle after pops passed away.
After setting up the tent, I sat before the waves and watched the water as it flowed back and forth. The constant rocking motion was a balm for my soul.
Ma had never asked for my help; it'd been me who insisted after seeing her pain and struggle. But how much had I added to that she didn't show? How much money had I blown on dumb bets? That pervasive thought that maybe this gamble would be the one always led to worse decisions and prevented me from doing right by my family.
I'd been hotheaded, arrogant, and like Eve always said: A complete dumbass. It was only by luck I fell into the Seventh Division that things seemed to be turning around. And Id thought it was the end of the world when they took me in.
How much had I been wrong about? The lack of perspective was enough to want to slap myself. But there wasn't anything I could do about it now, hours away from New Valentine; it wasn't like I could swim back, and I sure didn't know how to drive a boat. It's funny how distance can put your struggles in a new light. Make you see the failing of how you approached your decisions; why had I been so small-minded?
Tristan went on and on about me failing to plan. And he'd been right. Every time I could've set myself up for a better path down the road, I'd chosen the option that gave the most immediate gratification.
Romeo walked back through the small forest; sunglasses tucked in his shirt, he arched an eyebrow.
Ya ever
Wonder why we do this? He read my thoughts, and the shock mustve shown since Romeo let out a small laugh. Ive worn that same expression beforebut it is a simple answer, no?
If it is, I dont see it.
It is because we must, passerotto. It is our duty, as those blessed with anima. There are plenty who cannot ever do what we doeven those among our own family. So we, chosen by the heavens, must be the pillar of strength as they intended. To rise to that duty, Luca, that is what it means to be a man. You understand, yes?
I let his answer sit, and my Uncle joined me in the sand. Despite the pressing future of me breaking into the next stage, he was content to let us relax on the beach. The absurdity of this vacation nearly made me laugh out loud. Wed spent two weeks in a hectic whirl of training that broke me multiple times with exhaustion and strained my limits. But now, we were soaking in the sun on a small island.
I was grateful for the silence. That Romeo always offered me the chance to think through his words. Id never fully realized it, but the mans meaning always seemed to live between his wordslike him, they had more to them than the extravagance of their first appearance.
Orange and red birds flickered around the island. Then I felt it. A sort of natural energy to this place that radiated from below. The clean air, the nature, simplicity in this pocket of the world I never got in my day-to-day life in New Valentine.
Eventually, I stood up, stretching. The sun was starting to reach the horizon. I supposed wed head to sleep and get started in the morning. I began to walk towards the tent. Romeo somehow climbed to his feet and slid between me and the tent in an instantA wild smile filled with malicious intent plastered on his face. Where is it you think youre going, passerotto?
Id be back on the same shitty trajectory of my life, which had a decent shot of ending in two weeks. It wasnt a stretch to say he planned some kind of attack based on Tristan's prior acts. Though, how he planned to justify it to the Brass Kings, I didnt have a clue. Id grown stronger, but if I couldnt break through to the next stage, I would die. People would pay the price for my actions.
It all seemed so pointless. I wasnt enough. I was a small kid who never got over his father's death and lashed out against all the people who wanted to helpdriving myself further into a hole and bashing my head down there, too afraid to accept any hands trying to help me out.
Romeo swapped with his Soul but didnt say a word. Casually relaxing on the beach on a towel, occasionally turning a calm and measured glance at me. How much of this was for me, and how much of it was a private vacation for him?
Around noon, he broke out food. I tried to get up to join him, starving.
He was over to me in a second and shoved me back down into the sand. No, passerotto. There is no eating until youve finished.
My eyes shot wide, and my stomach protested, but there was no breaking that command. Id promised, and hed shove me back down even if I disobeyed. There was nothing I could do as he at the delicious smelling sandwich, and later when he grilled a steak on a fire.
Another day passed.
No sleep. No food. I was a shell and could barely feel my legs from their extended lotus pose. There wasnt a shot in hell Id be able to even walk after this damn exercise. And I wasnt going to break through soon. If I hadnt been born with this damned Soul Seed, where would I be right now? Where would fate have taken me? Would I have done well in school like Alex? Maybe Id have some prospects for my future other than life on the streets. I was a cultivator. But did that mean a damn? There were those in Sects and corporations who got to live snug little lives that maybe pushed them to immortality. Yet, here I wasa piece of shit to the people I cared about because of my choices.
If I wasnt a cultivator, would I have felt alone for so long?
These choices werent imposed on me. Sure, I didnt have a say in some decisions, but I picked how Id reacted to what life threw my way. But after dad died, Id pushed my luck, again and again, lashing out and trying to find danger. Blaming it on my Soul Seed, trying to justify it by thinking it was just a part of my path to pursuing my Dao.
Itd been me who cornered myself into a box. I lied to myself and swore that I'd have a better life if Id been born different. But if I traced those roots back to the Seed of the problemit was me, not how Id been born.
Id always been the one who decided my fate. Id been the one to fuck up my life in innumerable ways. Impulsive, brash, and pigheaded to the point of failure.
It'd been me all along, from joining the Brass Kings to ignoring school. Id chased a dragon with more significant risks until something always broke. Why?
Because it felt good, throwing your life into chance absolved yourself of the results that came after, it was a freedom that came from lying to yourself. You might not be the one who decided what way the dice would land, but you were the one who threw them. I pushed away people because they might see what I was doing, afraid they might keep me accountable.
Id been the one to decide my fate wasnt mine to make.
Fickle Fate was little better than a coin flip. But not because of my Dao.
It was because of me.
Something snapped. My eyes opened wide with shock as a pure electric burst popped in me. That was it. A deep thundered chime ran out from the Soul Seed in my chest. My Daoit was Fate. It was how the world came across crossroads, to shift it, be part of it, and explore it. That was what my Soul Seed craved. Id been so fucking blind.
Chapter 36: Cold Cold ColdAfter a few hours of a boat ride, Romeo pulled up to an island. As far as islands go, I thought it was a relatively small onebut lush with vibrant green vegetation. I had no clue where the fuck we were, but it didn't matter; I focused on tackling the anxiety squirming around inside of me, that fear of failure. Romeo swapped into sandals, slipped his shades on, and hopped off the boat with a smirk and swagger as if we'd gone on vacation. "I'll take a look. You will set up my tent on the dirt, no?" Visit noveLbin.com for the best novel reading experienceI followed him off the boat. The jade bottle in my pack felt multiple times heavier than it actually was. I didn't need to get stronger for only myself but those around me. That burden was intense; failure here meant their suffering. I set up the tent. It was a simple green tent that didn't quite fit my uncle. As I jammed the pegs into the ground, I felt my piled exhaustion threatening to collapse on me. The wind was a pleasant relief as I watched the waves slowly rock the boat anchored not far from shore. I'd made a lot of selfish decisions. Id thought joining the Brass Kings would be the best way to earn cashnominally, for my Ma. But was it? I joined because I couldnt hold a real job and thought trouble was fun. Shed never complained either, even as I watched her struggle after pops passed away.After setting up the tent, I sat before the waves and watched the water as it flowed back and forth. The constant rocking motion was a balm for my soul. Ma had never asked for my help; it'd been me who insisted after seeing her pain and struggle. But how much had I added to that she didn't show? How much money had I blown on dumb bets? That pervasive thought that maybe this gamble would be the one always led to worse decisions and prevented me from doing right by my family. I'd been hotheaded, arrogant, and like Eve always said: A complete dumbass. It was only by luck I fell into the Seventh Division that things seemed to be turning around. And Id thought it was the end of the world when they took me in.How much had I been wrong about? The lack of perspective was enough to want to slap myself. But there wasn't anything I could do about it now, hours away from New Valentine; it wasn't like I could swim back, and I sure didn't know how to drive a boat. It's funny how distance can put your struggles in a new light. Make you see the failing of how you approached your decisions; why had I been so small-minded?Tristan went on and on about me failing to plan. And he'd been right. Every time I could've set myself up for a better path down the road, I'd chosen the option that gave the most immediate gratification. Romeo walked back through the small forest; sunglasses tucked in his shirt, he arched an eyebrow.Ya everWonder why we do this? He read my thoughts, and the shock mustve shown since Romeo let out a small laugh. Ive worn that same expression beforebut it is a simple answer, no?If it is, I dont see it.It is because we must, passerotto. It is our duty, as those blessed with anima. There are plenty who cannot ever do what we doeven those among our own family. So we, chosen by the heavens, must be the pillar of strength as they intended. To rise to that duty, Luca, that is what it means to be a man. You understand, yes? I let his answer sit, and my Uncle joined me in the sand. Despite the pressing future of me breaking into the next stage, he was content to let us relax on the beach. The absurdity of this vacation nearly made me laugh out loud. Wed spent two weeks in a hectic whirl of training that broke me multiple times with exhaustion and strained my limits. But now, we were soaking in the sun on a small island. I was grateful for the silence. That Romeo always offered me the chance to think through his words. Id never fully realized it, but the mans meaning always seemed to live between his wordslike him, they had more to them than the extravagance of their first appearance.Orange and red birds flickered around the island. Then I felt it. A sort of natural energy to this place that radiated from below. The clean air, the nature, simplicity in this pocket of the world I never got in my day-to-day life in New Valentine. Eventually, I stood up, stretching. The sun was starting to reach the horizon. I supposed wed head to sleep and get started in the morning. I began to walk towards the tent. Romeo somehow climbed to his feet and slid between me and the tent in an instantA wild smile filled with malicious intent plastered on his face. Where is it you think youre going, passerotto?Id be back on the same shitty trajectory of my life, which had a decent shot of ending in two weeks. It wasnt a stretch to say he planned some kind of attack based on Tristan's prior acts. Though, how he planned to justify it to the Brass Kings, I didnt have a clue. Id grown stronger, but if I couldnt break through to the next stage, I would die. People would pay the price for my actions. It all seemed so pointless. I wasnt enough. I was a small kid who never got over his father's death and lashed out against all the people who wanted to helpdriving myself further into a hole and bashing my head down there, too afraid to accept any hands trying to help me out. Romeo swapped with his Soul but didnt say a word. Casually relaxing on the beach on a towel, occasionally turning a calm and measured glance at me. How much of this was for me, and how much of it was a private vacation for him? Around noon, he broke out food. I tried to get up to join him, starving.He was over to me in a second and shoved me back down into the sand. No, passerotto. There is no eating until youve finished. My eyes shot wide, and my stomach protested, but there was no breaking that command. Id promised, and hed shove me back down even if I disobeyed. There was nothing I could do as he at the delicious smelling sandwich, and later when he grilled a steak on a fire.Another day passed. No sleep. No food. I was a shell and could barely feel my legs from their extended lotus pose. There wasnt a shot in hell Id be able to even walk after this damn exercise. And I wasnt going to break through soon. If I hadnt been born with this damned Soul Seed, where would I be right now? Where would fate have taken me? Would I have done well in school like Alex? Maybe Id have some prospects for my future other than life on the streets. I was a cultivator. But did that mean a damn? There were those in Sects and corporations who got to live snug little lives that maybe pushed them to immortality. Yet, here I wasa piece of shit to the people I cared about because of my choices. If I wasnt a cultivator, would I have felt alone for so long?These choices werent imposed on me. Sure, I didnt have a say in some decisions, but I picked how Id reacted to what life threw my way. But after dad died, Id pushed my luck, again and again, lashing out and trying to find danger. Blaming it on my Soul Seed, trying to justify it by thinking it was just a part of my path to pursuing my Dao.Itd been me who cornered myself into a box. I lied to myself and swore that I'd have a better life if Id been born different. But if I traced those roots back to the Seed of the problemit was me, not how Id been born. Id always been the one who decided my fate. Id been the one to fuck up my life in innumerable ways. Impulsive, brash, and pigheaded to the point of failure.It'd been me all along, from joining the Brass Kings to ignoring school. Id chased a dragon with more significant risks until something always broke. Why?Because it felt good, throwing your life into chance absolved yourself of the results that came after, it was a freedom that came from lying to yourself. You might not be the one who decided what way the dice would land, but you were the one who threw them. I pushed away people because they might see what I was doing, afraid they might keep me accountable. Id been the one to decide my fate wasnt mine to make. Fickle Fate was little better than a coin flip. But not because of my Dao. It was because of me. Something snapped. My eyes opened wide with shock as a pure electric burst popped in me. That was it. A deep thundered chime ran out from the Soul Seed in my chest. My Daoit was Fate. It was how the world came across crossroads, to shift it, be part of it, and explore it. That was what my Soul Seed craved. Id been so fucking blind.
