Chapter 1: The secret to bottling happiness is...
“I hear your heartbeat, nanana...” ah, songs. I always forget the text halfway through. Anyway, my name is Constantine, but people call me Tine. Which is better than Constant, or Con, I guess. Anyway, I am what you call a professional happiness bottler.
No, I don’t dress up and perform tricks for children. If you think that is the only way for someone to bottle happiness, then you must be from Earth. Dreary place, Earth. There, people actually have to feel their own emotions, instead of taking an orange, and quite harmless, happiness pick me up.
I shudder at the thought. For a second, I look at the bottle with emotion solvent, which sits on my desk. I am hooked up to it. The process is basic. There is this headset on my head, like your headphones, on Earth. It can be used as headphones too, actually, but I am getting off track.
Anyway, the emotion collector monitors my emotional state, and, after an hour of it being hooked up to me, the emotional solvent changes color depending on my mood.
There is blue for sadness. An emotion popular with writers and poets. Mostly with poets. There is this poet from Nebula 987 who buys sadness from me. His poems can make a puppy cry. Yes, there are puppies on other planets, humans too. It is just that we don’t want to contact you, people of Earth.
So, there is blue, and then there is green, for envy. That one doesn’t sell. People can feel envy without outside help, thank you very much. Still, some actors buy it. I hear that it has a kick, and feeds the ego. I wouldn’t know. Never did drink a bottle of envy, myself. Although, I must admit, I have felt the emotion. There are so many...
The bottle begins to glow green, and I begin to hum a tune. No, can’t think about envy. I need to bottle happiness today. That emotion is orange, by the way. A nice baby orange, that makes people chuckle, if not laugh. A warm color, for the warmest emotion. I bottle happiness exclusively.
My humming must be working because the orange glow around the bottle is back. Ah, happiness. How do I describe it? It is like a midsummer rain, followed by a double rainbow. At least, those are the reviews of people who have drunk my happiness. My bottles have been called the cure for depression...
Oh, no! Purple glow. That is for pride. I begin to hum again.
No one wants pride. It is one of the easiest emotions out there. Still, even it gets stolen, from time to time.
I begin to tap my foot, and think about all the things I will do later today, to share my good fortune. I think Ms. Parsons needed her apple tree trimmed. It is a bright day outside.
I can soak up the sun, as I work. Maybe I will go and see little Beth, the Roberts’ baby, later? When I make a face at her, she pokes out her tongue at me. The Roberts never say no to a free babysitter.
The orange glow is back, and I cheer silently. That makes it glow all the brighter. Now, I have to concentrate, and finish what I am doing. And that is, getting a few laughs, by being on what you inhabitants of Earth call: The Dark Web. I giggle at the name. It sounds so ominous. Would a spider come out of it and gobble me up?
There is this thing called Tor browser. It looks like an onion. Every time I see it, I think of the onion shaped houses of Perseus 900. The people there are rather nice. I went there on a vacation about twenty years ago, and bottled 100 bottles of happiness. Best time of my life. They are big on sky skiing.
What is sky skiing, you might ask? Well, that is when you get plasma ski, and take to the air. You ski over a padded area. For those who feel more adventurous, they can ski over rough terrain. I skied over the padded area; it was great.
The timer beeps, and the bottle colors a nice orange color. The bubbles bob inside the bottle, and I pump my fists high. Ok, this is another check in the bank. I look at the chat I have entered. People are typing still. Some ask me if I am advertising a comic. As if. This is all the truth.
What I just did, contacting you, people on Earth, is not illegal, but it is frowned upon. It is called human baiting.
What can I say? It is too fun to pass up. I give you a glimpse of a bright new world; you give me your wonder. As a parting gift, I will leave one of my emails, yes, we on Ursula 590 have those too, and extend my hand in friendship to anyone who needs it.
Granted, the chance that I will check this particular email is slim to none. But, in case I need to bottle dread, which is very popular with horror writers, then I will give it a look.
I suppose you wonder how I look. I have the upper body of a human, with red hair, and green eyes, and the tail of a snake. Furthermore, I am what you call a Naga, in your world. The story is long.
There was a time when the planets of the Cosmos reached out to you all, and tried to bring you forth to the Age of Enlightenment. But you people...well, we all learned to keep our invisibility shields, and ignore your calls.
Anyway, no hard feelings now. Bye, bye. I have to send this to my agent. Another day, another person will be made happy. So, what is the secret to bottling happiness?
It is to let go of your worries, and think about yourself and others in the best light.
If the emotion solvent and the headset ever make it to Earth, keep those words of wisdom in your minds. Heck, even if they don’t, they can still help you through tough times.
Chapter 1: The secret to bottling happiness is...
“I hear your heartbeat, nanana...” ah, songs. I always forget the text halfway through. Anyway, my name is Constantine, but people call me Tine. Which is better than Constant, or Con, I guess. Anyway, I am what you call a professional happiness bottler.
No, I don’t dress up and perform tricks for children. If you think that is the only way for someone to bottle happiness, then you must be from Earth. Dreary place, Earth. There, people actually have to feel their own emotions, instead of taking an orange, and quite harmless, happiness pick me up.
I shudder at the thought. For a second, I look at the bottle with emotion solvent, which sits on my desk. I am hooked up to it. The process is basic. There is this headset on my head, like your headphones, on Earth. It can be used as headphones too, actually, but I am getting off track.
Anyway, the emotion collector monitors my emotional state, and, after an hour of it being hooked up to me, the emotional solvent changes color depending on my mood.
There is blue for sadness. An emotion popular with writers and poets. Mostly with poets. There is this poet from Nebula 987 who buys sadness from me. His poems can make a puppy cry. Yes, there are puppies on other planets, humans too. It is just that we don’t want to contact you, people of Earth.
So, there is blue, and then there is green, for envy. That one doesn’t sell. People can feel envy without outside help, thank you very much. Still, some actors buy it. I hear that it has a kick, and feeds the ego. I wouldn’t know. Never did drink a bottle of envy, myself. Although, I must admit, I have felt the emotion. There are so many...
The bottle begins to glow green, and I begin to hum a tune. No, can’t think about envy. I need to bottle happiness today. That emotion is orange, by the way. A nice baby orange, that makes people chuckle, if not laugh. A warm color, for the warmest emotion. I bottle happiness exclusively.
My humming must be working because the orange glow around the bottle is back. Ah, happiness. How do I describe it? It is like a midsummer rain, followed by a double rainbow. At least, those are the reviews of people who have drunk my happiness. My bottles have been called the cure for depression...
Oh, no! Purple glow. That is for pride. I begin to hum again.
No one wants pride. It is one of the easiest emotions out there. Still, even it gets stolen, from time to time.
I begin to tap my foot, and think about all the things I will do later today, to share my good fortune. I think Ms. Parsons needed her apple tree trimmed. It is a bright day outside.
I can soak up the sun, as I work. Maybe I will go and see little Beth, the Roberts’ baby, later? When I make a face at her, she pokes out her tongue at me. The Roberts never say no to a free babysitter.
The orange glow is back, and I cheer silently. That makes it glow all the brighter. Now, I have to concentrate, and finish what I am doing. And that is, getting a few laughs, by being on what you inhabitants of Earth call: The Dark Web. I giggle at the name. It sounds so ominous. Would a spider come out of it and gobble me up?
There is this thing called Tor browser. It looks like an onion. Every time I see it, I think of the onion shaped houses of Perseus 900. The people there are rather nice. I went there on a vacation about twenty years ago, and bottled 100 bottles of happiness. Best time of my life. They are big on sky skiing.
What is sky skiing, you might ask? Well, that is when you get plasma ski, and take to the air. You ski over a padded area. For those who feel more adventurous, they can ski over rough terrain. I skied over the padded area; it was great.
The timer beeps, and the bottle colors a nice orange color. The bubbles bob inside the bottle, and I pump my fists high. Ok, this is another check in the bank. I look at the chat I have entered. People are typing still. Some ask me if I am advertising a comic. As if. This is all the truth.
What I just did, contacting you, people on Earth, is not illegal, but it is frowned upon. It is called human baiting.
What can I say? It is too fun to pass up. I give you a glimpse of a bright new world; you give me your wonder. As a parting gift, I will leave one of my emails, yes, we on Ursula 590 have those too, and extend my hand in friendship to anyone who needs it.
Granted, the chance that I will check this particular email is slim to none. But, in case I need to bottle dread, which is very popular with horror writers, then I will give it a look.
I suppose you wonder how I look. I have the upper body of a human, with red hair, and green eyes, and the tail of a snake. Furthermore, I am what you call a Naga, in your world. The story is long.
There was a time when the planets of the Cosmos reached out to you all, and tried to bring you forth to the Age of Enlightenment. But you people...well, we all learned to keep our invisibility shields, and ignore your calls.
Anyway, no hard feelings now. Bye, bye. I have to send this to my agent. Another day, another person will be made happy. So, what is the secret to bottling happiness?
It is to let go of your worries, and think about yourself and others in the best light.
If the emotion solvent and the headset ever make it to Earth, keep those words of wisdom in your minds. Heck, even if they don’t, they can still help you through tough times.
