Delusional
What will you do if I disappear one day?
Bian Shengjian did not speak for a while.
“Are you insane,” he said.
“I mean if,” Lu Shen raised his eyes and looked at the large area of warm orange, “would you…be reluctant?”
Bian Shengjian frowned, Lu Shen looked a little wrong, but he couldn’t tell. It’s just that when he said that sentence, his heart beated faster for a moment. “Are you going to drop out of school?”
“It’s not dropping out, it’s disappearing.” Lu Shen said, “Will you miss me?”
“Can you speak human words?” Bian Shengjian pulled his collar and dragged him forward, “If a living person like you disappears, I will definitely be worried. What’s in you that I’d be reluctant to part with you?”
“Really?” Lu Shen smiled lightly.
He didn’t know if it was an illusion. Bian Shengjian seemed to see guilt in Lu Shen’s eyes for a moment, but he quickly returned to normal. “Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, Third brother.”
“…Happy Mid-Autumn Festival.” Bian Shengjian sighed, “I’m fucking crazy, I can actually bear you till now after so long in school.”
“It’s less than a month,” Lu Shen squinted his eyes, “You have to endure me for two more years in the future.”
Two years? Will I stay in this shitty place for another two years?
Bian Shengjian was a little stunned, and suddenly a high roar came from the right side. “How many times have I said to not stay by the lake! Classmates over there! Come up to me!”
“Is he referring to me?” Bian Shengjian was stunned, looked up and looked at the man for a few seconds before confirming that he was calling him, and along the way, he grabbed Zhou Li’s collar and pulled him up. “Let’s go. “
“Hey! I haven’t finished yet!” Zhou Li was a little dissatisfied.
“Have you also made wishes for your next life?” Bian Shengjian was a little speechless, “I’ll go back and find you a telegraph pole, you can continue there.”
“Che, you don’t understand.” Zhou Li took out his mobile phone and checked the time. “Fuck, it’s already late. If I don’t go back, my old man will worry.”
“Go quickly, don’t let the old man worry.” Bian Shengjian watched Zhou Li wave at him and trot all the way to disappear on the school road, then turned to look at the lake again. There were still many people lining up to release lanterns into the lake. It was a lively scene rarely seen in the middle of the evening.
High school, being young, and having friends! Shouldn’t it be like this?
Bian Shengjian felt a little depressed when he thought that he would be trapped in the dormitory like a prison again tonight.
“Is your cell phone ringing?” Lu Shen asked beside him.
“Ah, yes.” Bian Shengjian glanced at the phone, which was muted, and swiped right to pick it up. “Hello?”
“Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, Old third! Are you very lonely without us?” Li Fei laughed a few times over the phone, the background sound was very noisy. He should be outside.
What nonsense. Bian Shengjian snorted, “Where are the two of them?”
“A-Ming was dragged to dinner by his mother, I was just walking outside after dinner.” Li Fei hesitated for a while, “Third brother, Liping’s sister..fell ill two days ago. “
“What’s the matter?” Bian Shengjian’s voice was raised, “Why didn’t he tell me? How is it now?”
“He won’t let me tell you,” Li Fei pressed his throat, “Hey, I didn’t want to mention this during this holiday, but this time his sister made a big scene like last time…
“Did she cut her wrists again?” Bian Shengjian paused, “Does he have enough money there?”
“Hmm, he said that she locked herself in the room and took the blade and was about to cut it.” Li Fei sighed heavily, “It was Liping who broke the door with the kitchen knife and rushed in, so she wasn’t able to. When he came to me later, the whole person was shaking. It was really…”
“Does he have enough money over there?” Bian Shengjian frowned and repeated again, “He has to send his sister to the hospital. It’s not an option to just watch over her at home every day. What if he’s not careful and misses it?”
“Exactly. It’s just that his sister doesn’t cooperate at all.”
Li Fei sighed again, “As soon as he left the room, she started going crazy, he couldn’t even hold her down! You’ve seen it. The two scratched marks that her sister did to me at his house last time have not disappeared.”
“Then,” Bian Shengjian hesitated for a while, “I’ll transfer some money to him in a while.”
“Don’t!”
Li Fei’s voice suddenly rose. “You know Ping Ping’s temperament, he is a stubborn person, and what happened that night……In short, he definitely won’t want it, don’t irritate him. He should be feeling annoyed at the moment.”
“Then what should I do?” Bian Shengjian stopped and became a little irritable. “This is not good, that is not good, so what the fuck can I do now?”
“You….”
Li Fei paused for a while, “The main reason is that it is inconvenient to be separated by a distance. You can come back and see us when you are free.”
Bian Shengjian did not speak.
“I know about you and your dad.” Li Fei was a little helpless when he noticed that there was no sound from the other end. “Okay, okay, we’ll come over for National Day, but you have to also visit when the New Year comes! How many of our brothers wanted to get drunk all night long.”
“Okay.” Bian Shengjian sighed, and suddenly remembered something. “Li Fei, do you have a fucking club in your brain, what kind of shit did you send me in that big box?”
Li Fei was stunned for a moment and immediately laughed, “Damn, that was sent by Tan Ming! It’s none of my business.”
“When the National Day comes, I have to give you a kick.” Bian Shengjian snorted.
“Sigh, I’ve been whipped by you a lot.” Li Fei laughed a few times before saying, “To be honest, we all miss you a little bit.”
“… I’m not used to you suddenly saying that.” Bian Shengjian said.
“Don’t you miss us?” Li Fei asked. “I’ve dreamed recently about the time when we just formed a band, we were chased by the city officials while performing random performances all over the street. I thought we were some kind of hooligans of the rebellious youth group…….”
Bian Shengjian couldn’t help laughing a few times. “Fuck, I almost forgot if you didn’t mentioned it. You were the slowest runner at the time. Did you get hit with a stick?”
“Yes, I still have a bulge on the back of my head.” Li Fei said while touching and laughing.
“Actually, I miss you a little bit.” Bian Shengtong sighed slowly after laughing, “And there’s so much bullshit in this broken school, that it’s suffocating me all day long.”
“Okay, just wait for a few of us to go over to comfort your wounded heart on National Day.” Li Fei said.
“If you all don’t come, you’ll be my grandsons.” Bian Shengjian said.
Lu Shen silently listened to the conversation between Bian Shengjian and the person on the other side. He couldn’t help twitching the corners of his mouth when he heard something interesting, but he also had some unknown envy or jealousy.
This is the life of a normal person. Have family and friends.
Lu Shen’s eyes darkened.
He waited until Bian Shengjian hung up the phone before he said, “Who was it?”
“A friend said they would want to come and see me on National Day.” Bian Shengjian looked down at his phone, “Aren’t you going home on National Day?”
“It’s still early. Besides, there’s nobody back home.” Lu Shen said.
“Your parents are so busy?” Bian Shengjian looked up at him. “What are you going to do then?”
“I don’t know.” Lu Shen shrugged, “Let it pass by with a smile. “
“It’s so boring, you can go out and find a…part-time job or something. “Bian Shengjian paused and said.
“It’s okay, lying down for seven days won’t degenerate the limbs.” Lu Shen smiled.
“Then you…” Bian Shengjian hesitated for a while before finishing the second half of the sentence.
He and Lu Shen had only known each other for dozens of days, and they were not familiar enough to ask him if he wanted to come and play with Li Fei and the others.
But seven days of spending it alone… no matter how you look at it, it’s a bit miserable.
Poor little thing.
“Hey.” Bian Shengjian poked Lu Shen’s arm on a whim. “Well, can you perform some tricks?”
“Ah?” Lu Shen was stunned, “What perform?”
“Didn’t your grandma teach you those things?” Bian Shengjian wanted to laugh inexplicably, “For example, how to predict fate by reading palms, those kinds of mysterious things.”
Lu Shen was silent for a while. “…I can’t do that.”
“It’s such a disappointment.” Bian Shengjian snorted, “I was thinking that if I bring you with me, you’ll also be able to show your skills at a crucial moment…”
“Are you going to take me with you? Where are you going?” Lu Shen’s tone raised suddenly, looking very excited. “Okay.”
“We’ll see.” Bian Shengjian gritted his teeth, “First, is there anything delicious and fun around here…”
“You have to ask Zhou Li about this, I don’t usually go out much.” Lu Shen said immediately.
“Thank you, I won’t take you anymore.” Bian Shengjian looked ahead and strode forward.
“Don’t, we can check it out together then.” Lu Shen touched his nose and caught up with him, “What is your friend… like?”
“You’ll know when the time comes.” Bian Shengjian imitated his tone, “Take a guess?”
“I won’t guess.” Lu Shen laughed, “But I’m looking forward to it. “
After returning to the dormitory, Bian Shengjian actually had one more thing to worry about. After thinking about it, he dialed a number and waited patiently for a while.
There was finally a response from the other end. “…Third brother.”
“It’s a holiday today, but I don’t think you’re in the mood, so I’ll just say it.” Bian Shengjian frowned, “What’s going on?”
No one spoke for a long time, and Bian Shengjian held his breath and waited for a while before he heard a cry. “It’s all my fault.”
“What is your fault?” Bian Shengjian pinched the bridge of her nose, “Don’t take on everything yourself or you will eventually crush yourself to death sooner or later, don’t you know?”
“I know.” Xiao Liping sniffed hard, “But it was true that I didn’t watch her the day before yesterday… Did Li Fei tell you?”
“Well.” Bian Shengjian felt a little sullen when he thought of this, “You still want to scare me with such a big thing? Come and see me on National Day.”
“National Day?” Xiao Liping was stunned for a moment, and his tone was very guilty. “I may not be able to come to National Day. There are too many things here and I can’t leave.”
“It’s alright, just take care of your side first.” Bian Shengjian paused, gritted his teeth and said, “Do you have enough money there?”
“Money? Enough! There is enough!” Xiao Liping was so anxious that he almost choked on his own saliva. “Third brother, please don’t give me money! Really! You have done enough to me, I really can’t take it!”
“That’s fine.” Bian Shengjian felt a little distressed when he heard the obviously tired voice of the person over the phone. “If you have something, remember to tell me… Forget it, you should talk to the two of them, anyway, I can’t help you from afar.”
“I will.” Xiao Liping sniffed again, “Third brother, you should rest early, it’s getting late.”
“Okay.” Bian Shengjian replied, but before hanging up the phone, he emphasized it again. “It’s not your fault.”
“I know.” Xiao Liping wiped away the tears in his eyes. “It’s all that bastard… If it wasn’t for him, Lily wouldn’t be like this!”
Bian Shengjian propped himself on the railing and patiently comforted him for a few words before hanging up the phone, but there was a sense of powerlessness lingering in his heart.
Sometimes a lot of things, even if not done by you, still happen. Regret, resentment or pain, the result can’t be changed.
Bian Shengjian looked up at the moonlight in the night sky, and sighed softly after a while.
If only… I could go back in time.
Delusional
What will you do if I disappear one day?
Bian Shengjian did not speak for a while.
“Are you insane,” he said.
“I mean if,” Lu Shen raised his eyes and looked at the large area of warm orange, “would you…be reluctant?”
Bian Shengjian frowned, Lu Shen looked a little wrong, but he couldn’t tell. It’s just that when he said that sentence, his heart beated faster for a moment. “Are you going to drop out of school?”
“It’s not dropping out, it’s disappearing.” Lu Shen said, “Will you miss me?”
“Can you speak human words?” Bian Shengjian pulled his collar and dragged him forward, “If a living person like you disappears, I will definitely be worried. What’s in you that I’d be reluctant to part with you?”
“Really?” Lu Shen smiled lightly.
He didn’t know if it was an illusion. Bian Shengjian seemed to see guilt in Lu Shen’s eyes for a moment, but he quickly returned to normal. “Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, Third brother.”
“…Happy Mid-Autumn Festival.” Bian Shengjian sighed, “I’m fucking crazy, I can actually bear you till now after so long in school.”
“It’s less than a month,” Lu Shen squinted his eyes, “You have to endure me for two more years in the future.”
Two years? Will I stay in this shitty place for another two years?
Bian Shengjian was a little stunned, and suddenly a high roar came from the right side. “How many times have I said to not stay by the lake! Classmates over there! Come up to me!”
“Is he referring to me?” Bian Shengjian was stunned, looked up and looked at the man for a few seconds before confirming that he was calling him, and along the way, he grabbed Zhou Li’s collar and pulled him up. “Let’s go. “
“Hey! I haven’t finished yet!” Zhou Li was a little dissatisfied.
“Have you also made wishes for your next life?” Bian Shengjian was a little speechless, “I’ll go back and find you a telegraph pole, you can continue there.”
“Che, you don’t understand.” Zhou Li took out his mobile phone and checked the time. “Fuck, it’s already late. If I don’t go back, my old man will worry.”
“Go quickly, don’t let the old man worry.” Bian Shengjian watched Zhou Li wave at him and trot all the way to disappear on the school road, then turned to look at the lake again. There were still many people lining up to release lanterns into the lake. It was a lively scene rarely seen in the middle of the evening.
High school, being young, and having friends! Shouldn’t it be like this?
Bian Shengjian felt a little depressed when he thought that he would be trapped in the dormitory like a prison again tonight.
“Is your cell phone ringing?” Lu Shen asked beside him.
“Ah, yes.” Bian Shengjian glanced at the phone, which was muted, and swiped right to pick it up. “Hello?”
“Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, Old third! Are you very lonely without us?” Li Fei laughed a few times over the phone, the background sound was very noisy. He should be outside.
What nonsense. Bian Shengjian snorted, “Where are the two of them?”
“A-Ming was dragged to dinner by his mother, I was just walking outside after dinner.” Li Fei hesitated for a while, “Third brother, Liping’s sister..fell ill two days ago. “
“What’s the matter?” Bian Shengjian’s voice was raised, “Why didn’t he tell me? How is it now?”
“He won’t let me tell you,” Li Fei pressed his throat, “Hey, I didn’t want to mention this during this holiday, but this time his sister made a big scene like last time…
“Did she cut her wrists again?” Bian Shengjian paused, “Does he have enough money there?”
“Hmm, he said that she locked herself in the room and took the blade and was about to cut it.” Li Fei sighed heavily, “It was Liping who broke the door with the kitchen knife and rushed in, so she wasn’t able to. When he came to me later, the whole person was shaking. It was really…”
“Does he have enough money over there?” Bian Shengjian frowned and repeated again, “He has to send his sister to the hospital. It’s not an option to just watch over her at home every day. What if he’s not careful and misses it?”
“Exactly. It’s just that his sister doesn’t cooperate at all.”
Li Fei sighed again, “As soon as he left the room, she started going crazy, he couldn’t even hold her down! You’ve seen it. The two scratched marks that her sister did to me at his house last time have not disappeared.”
“Then,” Bian Shengjian hesitated for a while, “I’ll transfer some money to him in a while.”
“Don’t!”
Li Fei’s voice suddenly rose. “You know Ping Ping’s temperament, he is a stubborn person, and what happened that night……In short, he definitely won’t want it, don’t irritate him. He should be feeling annoyed at the moment.”
“Then what should I do?” Bian Shengjian stopped and became a little irritable. “This is not good, that is not good, so what the fuck can I do now?”
“You….”
Li Fei paused for a while, “The main reason is that it is inconvenient to be separated by a distance. You can come back and see us when you are free.”
Bian Shengjian did not speak.
“I know about you and your dad.” Li Fei was a little helpless when he noticed that there was no sound from the other end. “Okay, okay, we’ll come over for National Day, but you have to also visit when the New Year comes! How many of our brothers wanted to get drunk all night long.”
“Okay.” Bian Shengjian sighed, and suddenly remembered something. “Li Fei, do you have a fucking club in your brain, what kind of shit did you send me in that big box?”
Li Fei was stunned for a moment and immediately laughed, “Damn, that was sent by Tan Ming! It’s none of my business.”
“When the National Day comes, I have to give you a kick.” Bian Shengjian snorted.
“Sigh, I’ve been whipped by you a lot.” Li Fei laughed a few times before saying, “To be honest, we all miss you a little bit.”
“… I’m not used to you suddenly saying that.” Bian Shengjian said.
“Don’t you miss us?” Li Fei asked. “I’ve dreamed recently about the time when we just formed a band, we were chased by the city officials while performing random performances all over the street. I thought we were some kind of hooligans of the rebellious youth group…….”
Bian Shengjian couldn’t help laughing a few times. “Fuck, I almost forgot if you didn’t mentioned it. You were the slowest runner at the time. Did you get hit with a stick?”
“Yes, I still have a bulge on the back of my head.” Li Fei said while touching and laughing.
“Actually, I miss you a little bit.” Bian Shengtong sighed slowly after laughing, “And there’s so much bullshit in this broken school, that it’s suffocating me all day long.”
“Okay, just wait for a few of us to go over to comfort your wounded heart on National Day.” Li Fei said.
“If you all don’t come, you’ll be my grandsons.” Bian Shengjian said.
Lu Shen silently listened to the conversation between Bian Shengjian and the person on the other side. He couldn’t help twitching the corners of his mouth when he heard something interesting, but he also had some unknown envy or jealousy.
This is the life of a normal person. Have family and friends.
Lu Shen’s eyes darkened.
He waited until Bian Shengjian hung up the phone before he said, “Who was it?”
“A friend said they would want to come and see me on National Day.” Bian Shengjian looked down at his phone, “Aren’t you going home on National Day?”
“It’s still early. Besides, there’s nobody back home.” Lu Shen said.
“Your parents are so busy?” Bian Shengjian looked up at him. “What are you going to do then?”
“I don’t know.” Lu Shen shrugged, “Let it pass by with a smile. “
“It’s so boring, you can go out and find a…part-time job or something. “Bian Shengjian paused and said.
“It’s okay, lying down for seven days won’t degenerate the limbs.” Lu Shen smiled.
“Then you…” Bian Shengjian hesitated for a while before finishing the second half of the sentence.
He and Lu Shen had only known each other for dozens of days, and they were not familiar enough to ask him if he wanted to come and play with Li Fei and the others.
But seven days of spending it alone… no matter how you look at it, it’s a bit miserable.
Poor little thing.
“Hey.” Bian Shengjian poked Lu Shen’s arm on a whim. “Well, can you perform some tricks?”
“Ah?” Lu Shen was stunned, “What perform?”
“Didn’t your grandma teach you those things?” Bian Shengjian wanted to laugh inexplicably, “For example, how to predict fate by reading palms, those kinds of mysterious things.”
Lu Shen was silent for a while. “…I can’t do that.”
“It’s such a disappointment.” Bian Shengjian snorted, “I was thinking that if I bring you with me, you’ll also be able to show your skills at a crucial moment…”
“Are you going to take me with you? Where are you going?” Lu Shen’s tone raised suddenly, looking very excited. “Okay.”
“We’ll see.” Bian Shengjian gritted his teeth, “First, is there anything delicious and fun around here…”
“You have to ask Zhou Li about this, I don’t usually go out much.” Lu Shen said immediately.
“Thank you, I won’t take you anymore.” Bian Shengjian looked ahead and strode forward.
“Don’t, we can check it out together then.” Lu Shen touched his nose and caught up with him, “What is your friend… like?”
“You’ll know when the time comes.” Bian Shengjian imitated his tone, “Take a guess?”
“I won’t guess.” Lu Shen laughed, “But I’m looking forward to it. “
After returning to the dormitory, Bian Shengjian actually had one more thing to worry about. After thinking about it, he dialed a number and waited patiently for a while.
There was finally a response from the other end. “…Third brother.”
“It’s a holiday today, but I don’t think you’re in the mood, so I’ll just say it.” Bian Shengjian frowned, “What’s going on?”
No one spoke for a long time, and Bian Shengjian held his breath and waited for a while before he heard a cry. “It’s all my fault.”
“What is your fault?” Bian Shengjian pinched the bridge of her nose, “Don’t take on everything yourself or you will eventually crush yourself to death sooner or later, don’t you know?”
“I know.” Xiao Liping sniffed hard, “But it was true that I didn’t watch her the day before yesterday… Did Li Fei tell you?”
“Well.” Bian Shengjian felt a little sullen when he thought of this, “You still want to scare me with such a big thing? Come and see me on National Day.”
“National Day?” Xiao Liping was stunned for a moment, and his tone was very guilty. “I may not be able to come to National Day. There are too many things here and I can’t leave.”
“It’s alright, just take care of your side first.” Bian Shengjian paused, gritted his teeth and said, “Do you have enough money there?”
“Money? Enough! There is enough!” Xiao Liping was so anxious that he almost choked on his own saliva. “Third brother, please don’t give me money! Really! You have done enough to me, I really can’t take it!”
“That’s fine.” Bian Shengjian felt a little distressed when he heard the obviously tired voice of the person over the phone. “If you have something, remember to tell me… Forget it, you should talk to the two of them, anyway, I can’t help you from afar.”
“I will.” Xiao Liping sniffed again, “Third brother, you should rest early, it’s getting late.”
“Okay.” Bian Shengjian replied, but before hanging up the phone, he emphasized it again. “It’s not your fault.”
“I know.” Xiao Liping wiped away the tears in his eyes. “It’s all that bastard… If it wasn’t for him, Lily wouldn’t be like this!”
Bian Shengjian propped himself on the railing and patiently comforted him for a few words before hanging up the phone, but there was a sense of powerlessness lingering in his heart.
Sometimes a lot of things, even if not done by you, still happen. Regret, resentment or pain, the result can’t be changed.
Bian Shengjian looked up at the moonlight in the night sky, and sighed softly after a while.
If only… I could go back in time.
