Chapter 204: 204. I Hate Bella!
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"I want to go to that place someday, Edwards" I said slowly,
"of course" He said he already knew what I meant. I'm only discussing one of the scenes inside only.
I imagine how the place they visit in one day becomes a place that will create many memories. I don't know how strong a man's heart is, because he only gets one day with the woman he loves. After that day has passed, the memory will be like a beautiful dream and can only be remembered in the mind of the man.
I glanced briefly at Edwards, then noticed his handsome face quietly watching the movie. I don't know what's going through Edwards' mind right now. What is he imagining? Is this film enough to touch his heart? Actually I never knew how fragile a man's heart was. but if I look at the example of this film, men's hearts are quite fragile but they are good at hiding it.
I looked back at the laptop screen, my mind was not calm. This film makes my heart a little fragile, the image of being a man haunts my mind. would I be able to one day be forgotten by Edwards and live alone? living the days like everything is fine and only being able to see our loved ones from afar?
"Are you crying?" Edwards' words broke my mind, I hastily wiped away the tears that had suddenly fallen.
"Ahh yes, the film is very sad" I looked at the laptop screen, and it turned out that the movie was over. it didn't feel like watching a movie, maybe about two hours passed and now I'm confused about what to say. My heart was suddenly restless and a little congested.
"I noticed while watching, your face thinks about a lot of things. What's wrong? You don't like the movie?". Edwards asked.
"Ah no, I was just imagining how the man was able to love such a sincere woman." I busied myself with Eating the pudding I didn't touch the first time I watched the movie.
"Don't think about it, it's just a movie". Edwards took the pudding that I made, he took quite a lot and immediately put it in his mouth.
"But the meaning of the film is quite good. Is a man's heart really that fragile like that? But they are good at covering it up well". I saw Edwards who was just chewing pudding and looked at the flower vase beside us
"I think it's true". Edwards said quietly.
"Like your heart that loves Violet?" I asked carefully.
"Yeah like that, the man in the film is still lucky. The person he loves can still be seen, although maybe he can't have it. But me? Even if I have, I'm always dumped and humiliated." hearing that I just kept quiet and watched Edwards face that was seen from the side, the aura of that face seemed to really hold a lot of deep sadness. somehow Edwards' heart at this time. but I knew that Edwards had not been able to forget his first wife.
"Violet is very happy there, still loved by a very good man like you". I said quietly, though I wasn't sure if Edwards still really loved Violet or not.
"I'm not that good, the proof I can't make you happy". he said to me.
"You have made me very happy, your heart accepts me very openly. I am sure sooner or later we will love each other so much." I said very excitedly.
"You better not fall in love with me." Edwards tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. hearing what he said, of course my heart was a little hurt and confused.
"why" I held my breath which was a little tight at that statement.
"because if you fall in love with me you will lose" he said in a low voice
"Why did I lose?" I asked again.
"Because I may never make you happy, and I'm at a loss as to how this heart can take care of you." My ears are ringing and my joints feel numb. My hand that is in Edwards's grip right now is like a thousand thorns that hurt me subtly. my body is already shaking violently, but I'm sure this isn't a joke. Edwards' serious face did not hint at a joke.
"w...w what do you mean Edwards?" My voice trembled slightly, I'm sure by now my face was really pale. He just looked at me with a look that didn't know what it meant.
"You are a good person Choon-hee, you are very kind to be willing to be a wife and mother-to-be for my child. but know that if you fall in love your heart will lose, there is only pain in love and I don't want you to experience that pain. be beside me and I am beside you then we live this life without love. no love will really bring happiness". Edward said confidently.
"The love you had in the past made you what you are, Edwards. Love doesn't always hurt." I tried to stroke Edwards cheek in a gentle motion.
"Indeed love is the most beautiful thing in the beginning, but if you have felt it for a very long time then there is only pain there" Edwards said again, trying to convince myself.
"If the pain can keep you by my side, I'm willing to feel the pain." I let go of Edwards' hand and now my eyes are looking at the beautiful flower vase. I can't stand if I have to keep looking into Edwards' eyes, I'm about to cry now.
"You don't have to feel pain for me to be by your side, I will always be by your side but maybe I will never fall in love with you". Edwards said so honestly, his honesty hit me a thousand truths
"You are a bad man Edwards, you want me but you don't want to love me? Then what do I mean to you? Have I been just a doll to you? Am I just a toy for you? Is Violet the only one in your heart? I've given my whole life and my heart is for you, I thought the last few days you have changed, I thought you had started to love me. But I was totally wrong. your heart is dead and frozen, and i can't grow your love anymore. you know why? because you got in the way of it all. I'm sick of your attitude Edwards, I'm sick of you being hurt the most but you never look around you who you hurt." I shed a lot of tears right then and there.
"That's why I said don't fall in love with me, I don't want you to get hurt". Edward insisted.
"I'VE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!! you know? I've been hurt right now. and I've lost, I've lost since the first time I married you" I was crying, I got up from my seat and left Edwards who just froze at the statement I said earlier.
I sighed softly, I woke up from a long sleep that felt strange. I thought last night was a dream. But apparently not, when I looked at the former pudding plate and my puffy eyes.
After the fight with Edwards, the man said nothing more. He chose to leave, even though I had restrained him from leaving and stayed by my side. He chose to just walk away and leave me again.
Again? Yes.. Those are the most appropriate words that I can feel right now. I woke up with a throbbing headache, how many times have I felt this way? many times. Even though I live in my mother's mansion, everything feels very heavy. I feel as if the world is collapsing and can't be fixed anymore.
I was a little surprised, as I walked towards the balcony of the room. There was already Lee who seemed to look so happy. Why Lee?
"Hi Choon-hee, how are you? Thank you very much. Last night I met Edwards and he said that he hasn't killed Ree yet. Ree is still alive and it turns out she's fine now. I've also seen Ree's face on video call. Gosh! It was like a dream. Ree said That she was so happy, she loved me so much because I kept waiting for her." Lee's words made me silent, I sat down with a bit of resignation. Edwards could give happiness to others easily. But why can't he give me happiness? Was everything really this difficult for Edwards?
"Are you so happy? Do you love Ree so much that you would do anything for your woman?" I asked quietly, and Lee nodded very quickly. I who saw the spirit and happiness of Lee was quite happy.
"I'm really happy, Edwards is very kind. You must be so loved by him, because he would do anything for you. Until he wants to heal Ree while completely healed, I'm so happy! I didn't even sleep all night. I'm happy, I will be a bodyguard. Faithful to you. I swear to be loyal and do anything, this is a sign that I really feel lucky in your kindness." Once again Lee looks really in love with Ree, until he would do Anything.
"So lucky to be Ree, she can be loved by a man like you. As for me? I've never felt love like that, Edwards is just busy with his own business. Our relationship is getting more and more unclear, I'm getting confused about what he feels." I looked down sadly, Lee held my hand and it still didn't make me okay. I'm lazy, lazy to think about all the things that make my head hurt even more.
Saying about love like this, I think I want to cry. Edwards was too weird, he could come and go as he pleased. He doesn't even look at me when I'm around him. Am I too easy on him? until after he managed to pull me back. He just left me alone.
"Who said you were never loved that much? What about Edwards who still visits you, even though he knows that you are now very difficult to approach." Lee asked me with a smile.
"Love? What love? He just doesn't care when I'm around him." I said honestly, I feel sad myself remembering what happened yesterday.
"Not all love is explained clearly Choon-hee, There are many ways to give Love. Maybe Edwards is explaining love, but you interpret it in a different way." Lee said, I who heard that could only be silent without being able to say anything.
What love is Edward describing? I do not understand. What love is explained when he tells me not to fall in love with him? He said that I will lose. I get dizzy when I talk to men. Do all men have different thoughts?
"Maybe." I said slowly, I looked up at the morning sky again and sighed softly.
"I'm going first, Ree has called me again, I want to tell her a lot of things." Lee's words made me glance at him briefly and nod slowly.
Lee then ruffled my hair for a while and walked away from me, I could see the happiness on his face. Lee seems so happy when he will be with Ree.
Ah.. Love is complicated, is all love really this complicated? Good grief! My head hurts thinking about all this.
I chose to just go downstairs, maybe eat something or do something else, that could put my mind at ease.
I stepped onto the floor towards the door and started down the stairs one by one..
When I was almost downstairs, I heard the sound of my cell phone ringing. I tried to see who was calling.
"Edwards." He called me again?
Why did he call me? if he needs anything. Why didn't you tell me last night? you bad guy! I also refused the call, until several times he kept calling me. but I refused again, letting him feel how it feels to be rejected when he was hoping.
I chose to walk towards the kitchen, then saw the dining table which felt very quiet. some of the maids bowed respectfully giving their best smiles. I just remembered that now I have become one of the most influential women. Because I got the inheritance from my father.
Is that why Edwards suddenly left my life? maybe, but? ah.. damn! Thinking about Edwards really gave me a headache. I sat on the chair and started to take the food, not very comfortable in my mouth. But it's better than I thought on an empty stomach.
"Choon-Hee, you don't usually wake up so early and eat." Bella's words made me glance cynically, I was just silent when she said things that I didn't want to hear at all.
"Is there a ban? I can't wake up early and have breakfast? Don't talk too much, I'm annoyed with you. Why do you like to come when I'm alone?" I asked boldly, she just laughed then sat beside me. She picked up a strawberry that was on the table and chewed it slowly. I'm a little annoyed to see his very rude attitude, why is she always relaxed around me?
"I'm just asking, why are you being so sensitive to me lately? Did I do something bad to you? Tell me, what did I do to you?" She asked with a sweet smile, the smile I always hated when I saw her.
"Nothing, I'm just annoyed to see your face. That's it, no specific reason." I said again, I took the spaghetti which was still quite warm. then eat it quickly, ahh.. my emotions always rise when I'm near Bella.
"You know Choon-hee? Pregnancy experienced by a woman, filled with many things that change. Starting from changes from small things that are not obvious to big things like hating her own husband, and hating myself.
But there is one thing that makes a woman hate other women, maybe one of them is Insecure. With all the changes going on in her body, a pregnant woman can feel insecure. Many of the changes that occur in pregnancy, such as an enlarged belly and breasts, can cause side effects such as swollen feet due to fluid retention. All of these things can make pregnant women feel less beautiful. Even so, the way to support it is to still praise, support, and ensure that pregnant women are not as bad as they imagine. but? maybe you hate me because i'm too pretty huh? and you will slowly start to get big and ugly. Is that why you're lazy? Seeing my face Choon-Hee?" Once again the question from Bella gave me a headache.
I sighed and looked into her eyes, which had been staring at me for a long time. "Could you shut up? Just a minute, I really don't want to be disturbed, if you really don't have a job you can water the plants or wash the dishes. As long as you don't bother me, I'll feel better." I said very honestly, Bella immediately laughed quite loudly. She held my arm tightly and looked me in the eye.
"Listen? Do you think that all the things you've got right now can make you feel victorious and can trample on my pride?" She asked quite loudly, I'm sure if she sounded like this. surely my mother wasn't home, that's why she was so brave.
"I didn't do anything to trample your pride or hurt your heart. I'm just in a bad mood, so I hope you can understand and I beg you. Stay away from my eyes. Because I just don't want to see you at all, I beg you. just a little bit." I pleaded, she looked displeased. She gripped my hand tighter, too strong for me to wince in pain, I tried to keep my hand away from her.
"Let go of me Bella! You're being too impudent getting here! Let go! or I'll scream!" My eyes looked at her eyes no less sharp, Bella seems to have shown her courage to me today. but I'm not afraid of anything, she smiled then walked slowly to the side of my ear and she spoke softly.
"You are not afraid of me and are very upset when you see me, but what if I do something to your mother? Your father? What can you do?" He whispered softly, I held my breath when I heard the words that were quite painful in my ears. What does it mean? Did she threaten my mother's father's safety?
"Don't try to threaten me Bella!" I said in a low voice, I took a deep breath.. She let go of my hand and smiled again, then she stepped away from me.
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"I want to go to that place someday, Edwards" I said slowly,
"of course" He said he already knew what I meant. I'm only discussing one of the scenes inside only.
I imagine how the place they visit in one day becomes a place that will create many memories. I don't know how strong a man's heart is, because he only gets one day with the woman he loves. After that day has passed, the memory will be like a beautiful dream and can only be remembered in the mind of the man.
I glanced briefly at Edwards, then noticed his handsome face quietly watching the movie. I don't know what's going through Edwards' mind right now. What is he imagining? Is this film enough to touch his heart? Actually I never knew how fragile a man's heart was. but if I look at the example of this film, men's hearts are quite fragile but they are good at hiding it.
I looked back at the laptop screen, my mind was not calm. This film makes my heart a little fragile, the image of being a man haunts my mind. would I be able to one day be forgotten by Edwards and live alone? living the days like everything is fine and only being able to see our loved ones from afar?
"Are you crying?" Edwards' words broke my mind, I hastily wiped away the tears that had suddenly fallen.
"Ahh yes, the film is very sad" I looked at the laptop screen, and it turned out that the movie was over. it didn't feel like watching a movie, maybe about two hours passed and now I'm confused about what to say. My heart was suddenly restless and a little congested.
"I noticed while watching, your face thinks about a lot of things. What's wrong? You don't like the movie?". Edwards asked.
"Ah no, I was just imagining how the man was able to love such a sincere woman." I busied myself with Eating the pudding I didn't touch the first time I watched the movie.
"Don't think about it, it's just a movie". Edwards took the pudding that I made, he took quite a lot and immediately put it in his mouth.
"But the meaning of the film is quite good. Is a man's heart really that fragile like that? But they are good at covering it up well". I saw Edwards who was just chewing pudding and looked at the flower vase beside us
"I think it's true". Edwards said quietly.
"Like your heart that loves Violet?" I asked carefully.
"Yeah like that, the man in the film is still lucky. The person he loves can still be seen, although maybe he can't have it. But me? Even if I have, I'm always dumped and humiliated." hearing that I just kept quiet and watched Edwards face that was seen from the side, the aura of that face seemed to really hold a lot of deep sadness. somehow Edwards' heart at this time. but I knew that Edwards had not been able to forget his first wife.
"Violet is very happy there, still loved by a very good man like you". I said quietly, though I wasn't sure if Edwards still really loved Violet or not.
"I'm not that good, the proof I can't make you happy". he said to me.
"You have made me very happy, your heart accepts me very openly. I am sure sooner or later we will love each other so much." I said very excitedly.
"You better not fall in love with me." Edwards tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. hearing what he said, of course my heart was a little hurt and confused.
"why" I held my breath which was a little tight at that statement.
"because if you fall in love with me you will lose" he said in a low voice
"Why did I lose?" I asked again.
"Because I may never make you happy, and I'm at a loss as to how this heart can take care of you." My ears are ringing and my joints feel numb. My hand that is in Edwards's grip right now is like a thousand thorns that hurt me subtly. my body is already shaking violently, but I'm sure this isn't a joke. Edwards' serious face did not hint at a joke.
"w...w what do you mean Edwards?" My voice trembled slightly, I'm sure by now my face was really pale. He just looked at me with a look that didn't know what it meant.
"You are a good person Choon-hee, you are very kind to be willing to be a wife and mother-to-be for my child. but know that if you fall in love your heart will lose, there is only pain in love and I don't want you to experience that pain. be beside me and I am beside you then we live this life without love. no love will really bring happiness". Edward said confidently.
"The love you had in the past made you what you are, Edwards. Love doesn't always hurt." I tried to stroke Edwards cheek in a gentle motion.
"Indeed love is the most beautiful thing in the beginning, but if you have felt it for a very long time then there is only pain there" Edwards said again, trying to convince myself.
"If the pain can keep you by my side, I'm willing to feel the pain." I let go of Edwards' hand and now my eyes are looking at the beautiful flower vase. I can't stand if I have to keep looking into Edwards' eyes, I'm about to cry now.
"You don't have to feel pain for me to be by your side, I will always be by your side but maybe I will never fall in love with you". Edwards said so honestly, his honesty hit me a thousand truths
"You are a bad man Edwards, you want me but you don't want to love me? Then what do I mean to you? Have I been just a doll to you? Am I just a toy for you? Is Violet the only one in your heart? I've given my whole life and my heart is for you, I thought the last few days you have changed, I thought you had started to love me. But I was totally wrong. your heart is dead and frozen, and i can't grow your love anymore. you know why? because you got in the way of it all. I'm sick of your attitude Edwards, I'm sick of you being hurt the most but you never look around you who you hurt." I shed a lot of tears right then and there.
"That's why I said don't fall in love with me, I don't want you to get hurt". Edward insisted.
"I'VE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!! you know? I've been hurt right now. and I've lost, I've lost since the first time I married you" I was crying, I got up from my seat and left Edwards who just froze at the statement I said earlier.
I sighed softly, I woke up from a long sleep that felt strange. I thought last night was a dream. But apparently not, when I looked at the former pudding plate and my puffy eyes.
After the fight with Edwards, the man said nothing more. He chose to leave, even though I had restrained him from leaving and stayed by my side. He chose to just walk away and leave me again.
Again? Yes.. Those are the most appropriate words that I can feel right now. I woke up with a throbbing headache, how many times have I felt this way? many times. Even though I live in my mother's mansion, everything feels very heavy. I feel as if the world is collapsing and can't be fixed anymore.
I was a little surprised, as I walked towards the balcony of the room. There was already Lee who seemed to look so happy. Why Lee?
"Hi Choon-hee, how are you? Thank you very much. Last night I met Edwards and he said that he hasn't killed Ree yet. Ree is still alive and it turns out she's fine now. I've also seen Ree's face on video call. Gosh! It was like a dream. Ree said That she was so happy, she loved me so much because I kept waiting for her." Lee's words made me silent, I sat down with a bit of resignation. Edwards could give happiness to others easily. But why can't he give me happiness? Was everything really this difficult for Edwards?
"Are you so happy? Do you love Ree so much that you would do anything for your woman?" I asked quietly, and Lee nodded very quickly. I who saw the spirit and happiness of Lee was quite happy.
"I'm really happy, Edwards is very kind. You must be so loved by him, because he would do anything for you. Until he wants to heal Ree while completely healed, I'm so happy! I didn't even sleep all night. I'm happy, I will be a bodyguard. Faithful to you. I swear to be loyal and do anything, this is a sign that I really feel lucky in your kindness." Once again Lee looks really in love with Ree, until he would do Anything.
"So lucky to be Ree, she can be loved by a man like you. As for me? I've never felt love like that, Edwards is just busy with his own business. Our relationship is getting more and more unclear, I'm getting confused about what he feels." I looked down sadly, Lee held my hand and it still didn't make me okay. I'm lazy, lazy to think about all the things that make my head hurt even more.
Saying about love like this, I think I want to cry. Edwards was too weird, he could come and go as he pleased. He doesn't even look at me when I'm around him. Am I too easy on him? until after he managed to pull me back. He just left me alone.
"Who said you were never loved that much? What about Edwards who still visits you, even though he knows that you are now very difficult to approach." Lee asked me with a smile.
"Love? What love? He just doesn't care when I'm around him." I said honestly, I feel sad myself remembering what happened yesterday.
"Not all love is explained clearly Choon-hee, There are many ways to give Love. Maybe Edwards is explaining love, but you interpret it in a different way." Lee said, I who heard that could only be silent without being able to say anything.
What love is Edward describing? I do not understand. What love is explained when he tells me not to fall in love with him? He said that I will lose. I get dizzy when I talk to men. Do all men have different thoughts?
"Maybe." I said slowly, I looked up at the morning sky again and sighed softly.
"I'm going first, Ree has called me again, I want to tell her a lot of things." Lee's words made me glance at him briefly and nod slowly.
Lee then ruffled my hair for a while and walked away from me, I could see the happiness on his face. Lee seems so happy when he will be with Ree.
Ah.. Love is complicated, is all love really this complicated? Good grief! My head hurts thinking about all this.
I chose to just go downstairs, maybe eat something or do something else, that could put my mind at ease.
I stepped onto the floor towards the door and started down the stairs one by one..
When I was almost downstairs, I heard the sound of my cell phone ringing. I tried to see who was calling.
"Edwards." He called me again?
Why did he call me? if he needs anything. Why didn't you tell me last night? you bad guy! I also refused the call, until several times he kept calling me. but I refused again, letting him feel how it feels to be rejected when he was hoping.
I chose to walk towards the kitchen, then saw the dining table which felt very quiet. some of the maids bowed respectfully giving their best smiles. I just remembered that now I have become one of the most influential women. Because I got the inheritance from my father.
Is that why Edwards suddenly left my life? maybe, but? ah.. damn! Thinking about Edwards really gave me a headache. I sat on the chair and started to take the food, not very comfortable in my mouth. But it's better than I thought on an empty stomach.
"Choon-Hee, you don't usually wake up so early and eat." Bella's words made me glance cynically, I was just silent when she said things that I didn't want to hear at all.
"Is there a ban? I can't wake up early and have breakfast? Don't talk too much, I'm annoyed with you. Why do you like to come when I'm alone?" I asked boldly, she just laughed then sat beside me. She picked up a strawberry that was on the table and chewed it slowly. I'm a little annoyed to see his very rude attitude, why is she always relaxed around me?
"I'm just asking, why are you being so sensitive to me lately? Did I do something bad to you? Tell me, what did I do to you?" She asked with a sweet smile, the smile I always hated when I saw her.
"Nothing, I'm just annoyed to see your face. That's it, no specific reason." I said again, I took the spaghetti which was still quite warm. then eat it quickly, ahh.. my emotions always rise when I'm near Bella.
"You know Choon-hee? Pregnancy experienced by a woman, filled with many things that change. Starting from changes from small things that are not obvious to big things like hating her own husband, and hating myself.
But there is one thing that makes a woman hate other women, maybe one of them is Insecure. With all the changes going on in her body, a pregnant woman can feel insecure. Many of the changes that occur in pregnancy, such as an enlarged belly and breasts, can cause side effects such as swollen feet due to fluid retention. All of these things can make pregnant women feel less beautiful. Even so, the way to support it is to still praise, support, and ensure that pregnant women are not as bad as they imagine. but? maybe you hate me because i'm too pretty huh? and you will slowly start to get big and ugly. Is that why you're lazy? Seeing my face Choon-Hee?" Once again the question from Bella gave me a headache.
I sighed and looked into her eyes, which had been staring at me for a long time. "Could you shut up? Just a minute, I really don't want to be disturbed, if you really don't have a job you can water the plants or wash the dishes. As long as you don't bother me, I'll feel better." I said very honestly, Bella immediately laughed quite loudly. She held my arm tightly and looked me in the eye.
"Listen? Do you think that all the things you've got right now can make you feel victorious and can trample on my pride?" She asked quite loudly, I'm sure if she sounded like this. surely my mother wasn't home, that's why she was so brave.
"I didn't do anything to trample your pride or hurt your heart. I'm just in a bad mood, so I hope you can understand and I beg you. Stay away from my eyes. Because I just don't want to see you at all, I beg you. just a little bit." I pleaded, she looked displeased. She gripped my hand tighter, too strong for me to wince in pain, I tried to keep my hand away from her.
"Let go of me Bella! You're being too impudent getting here! Let go! or I'll scream!" My eyes looked at her eyes no less sharp, Bella seems to have shown her courage to me today. but I'm not afraid of anything, she smiled then walked slowly to the side of my ear and she spoke softly.
"You are not afraid of me and are very upset when you see me, but what if I do something to your mother? Your father? What can you do?" He whispered softly, I held my breath when I heard the words that were quite painful in my ears. What does it mean? Did she threaten my mother's father's safety?
"Don't try to threaten me Bella!" I said in a low voice, I took a deep breath.. She let go of my hand and smiled again, then she stepped away from me.
"I want to go to that place someday, Edwards" I said slowly,"of course" He said he already knew what I meant. I'm only discussing one of the scenes inside only.I imagine how the place they visit in one day becomes a place that will create many memories. I don't know how strong a man's heart is, because he only gets one day with the woman he loves. After that day has passed, the memory will be like a beautiful dream and can only be remembered in the mind of the man.I glanced briefly at Edwards, then noticed his handsome face quietly watching the movie. I don't know what's going through Edwards' mind right now. What is he imagining? Is this film enough to touch his heart? Actually I never knew how fragile a man's heart was. but if I look at the example of this film, men's hearts are quite fragile but they are good at hiding it.I looked back at the laptop screen, my mind was not calm. This film makes my heart a little fragile, the image of being a man haunts my mind. would I be able to one day be forgotten by Edwards and live alone? living the days like everything is fine and only being able to see our loved ones from afar?"Are you crying?" Edwards' words broke my mind, I hastily wiped away the tears that had suddenly fallen."Ahh yes, the film is very sad" I looked at the laptop screen, and it turned out that the movie was over. it didn't feel like watching a movie, maybe about two hours passed and now I'm confused about what to say. My heart was suddenly restless and a little congested."I noticed while watching, your face thinks about a lot of things. What's wrong? You don't like the movie?". Edwards asked."Ah no, I was just imagining how the man was able to love such a sincere woman." I busied myself with Eating the pudding I didn't touch the first time I watched the movie."Don't think about it, it's just a movie". Edwards took the pudding that I made, he took quite a lot and immediately put it in his mouth."But the meaning of the film is quite good. Is a man's heart really that fragile like that? But they are good at covering it up well". I saw Edwards who was just chewing pudding and looked at the flower vase beside us"I think it's true". Edwards said quietly."Like your heart that loves Violet?" I asked carefully."Yeah like that, the man in the film is still lucky. The person he loves can still be seen, although maybe he can't have it. But me? Even if I have, I'm always dumped and humiliated." hearing that I just kept quiet and watched Edwards face that was seen from the side, the aura of that face seemed to really hold a lot of deep sadness. somehow Edwards' heart at this time. but I knew that Edwards had not been able to forget his first wife."Violet is very happy there, still loved by a very good man like you". I said quietly, though I wasn't sure if Edwards still really loved Violet or not."I'm not that good, the proof I can't make you happy". he said to me."You have made me very happy, your heart accepts me very openly. I am sure sooner or later we will love each other so much." I said very excitedly."You better not fall in love with me." Edwards tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. hearing what he said, of course my heart was a little hurt and confused."why" I held my breath which was a little tight at that statement."because if you fall in love with me you will lose" he said in a low voice"Why did I lose?" I asked again."Because I may never make you happy, and I'm at a loss as to how this heart can take care of you." My ears are ringing and my joints feel numb. My hand that is in Edwards's grip right now is like a thousand thorns that hurt me subtly. my body is already shaking violently, but I'm sure this isn't a joke. Edwards' serious face did not hint at a joke."w...w what do you mean Edwards?" My voice trembled slightly, I'm sure by now my face was really pale. He just looked at me with a look that didn't know what it meant."You are a good person Choon-hee, you are very kind to be willing to be a wife and mother-to-be for my child. but know that if you fall in love your heart will lose, there is only pain in love and I don't want you to experience that pain. be beside me and I am beside you then we live this life without love. no love will really bring happiness". Edward said confidently."The love you had in the past made you what you are, Edwards. Love doesn't always hurt." I tried to stroke Edwards cheek in a gentle motion."Indeed love is the most beautiful thing in the beginning, but if you have felt it for a very long time then there is only pain there" Edwards said again, trying to convince myself."If the pain can keep you by my side, I'm willing to feel the pain." I let go of Edwards' hand and now my eyes are looking at the beautiful flower vase. I can't stand if I have to keep looking into Edwards' eyes, I'm about to cry now."You don't have to feel pain for me to be by your side, I will always be by your side but maybe I will never fall in love with you". Edwards said so honestly, his honesty hit me a thousand truths"You are a bad man Edwards, you want me but you don't want to love me? Then what do I mean to you? Have I been just a doll to you? Am I just a toy for you? Is Violet the only one in your heart? I've given my whole life and my heart is for you, I thought the last few days you have changed, I thought you had started to love me. But I was totally wrong. your heart is dead and frozen, and i can't grow your love anymore. you know why? because you got in the way of it all. I'm sick of your attitude Edwards, I'm sick of you being hurt the most but you never look around you who you hurt." I shed a lot of tears right then and there."That's why I said don't fall in love with me, I don't want you to get hurt". Edward insisted."I'VE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!! you know? I've been hurt right now. and I've lost, I've lost since the first time I married you" I was crying, I got up from my seat and left Edwards who just froze at the statement I said earlier.I sighed softly, I woke up from a long sleep that felt strange. I thought last night was a dream. But apparently not, when I looked at the former pudding plate and my puffy eyes.After the fight with Edwards, the man said nothing more. He chose to leave, even though I had restrained him from leaving and stayed by my side. He chose to just walk away and leave me again.Again? Yes.. Those are the most appropriate words that I can feel right now. I woke up with a throbbing headache, how many times have I felt this way? many times. Even though I live in my mother's mansion, everything feels very heavy. I feel as if the world is collapsing and can't be fixed anymore.I was a little surprised, as I walked towards the balcony of the room. There was already Lee who seemed to look so happy. Why Lee?"Hi Choon-hee, how are you? Thank you very much. Last night I met Edwards and he said that he hasn't killed Ree yet. Ree is still alive and it turns out she's fine now. I've also seen Ree's face on video call. Gosh! It was like a dream. Ree said That she was so happy, she loved me so much because I kept waiting for her." Lee's words made me silent, I sat down with a bit of resignation. Edwards could give happiness to others easily. But why can't he give me happiness? Was everything really this difficult for Edwards?"Are you so happy? Do you love Ree so much that you would do anything for your woman?" I asked quietly, and Lee nodded very quickly. I who saw the spirit and happiness of Lee was quite happy."I'm really happy, Edwards is very kind. You must be so loved by him, because he would do anything for you. Until he wants to heal Ree while completely healed, I'm so happy! I didn't even sleep all night. I'm happy, I will be a bodyguard. Faithful to you. I swear to be loyal and do anything, this is a sign that I really feel lucky in your kindness." Once again Lee looks really in love with Ree, until he would do Anything."So lucky to be Ree, she can be loved by a man like you. As for me? I've never felt love like that, Edwards is just busy with his own business. Our relationship is getting more and more unclear, I'm getting confused about what he feels." I looked down sadly, Lee held my hand and it still didn't make me okay. I'm lazy, lazy to think about all the things that make my head hurt even more.Saying about love like this, I think I want to cry. Edwards was too weird, he could come and go as he pleased. He doesn't even look at me when I'm around him. Am I too easy on him? until after he managed to pull me back. He just left me alone."Who said you were never loved that much? What about Edwards who still visits you, even though he knows that you are now very difficult to approach." Lee asked me with a smile."Love? What love? He just doesn't care when I'm around him." I said honestly, I feel sad myself remembering what happened yesterday."Not all love is explained clearly Choon-hee, There are many ways to give Love. Maybe Edwards is explaining love, but you interpret it in a different way." Lee said, I who heard that could only be silent without being able to say anything.What love is Edward describing? I do not understand. What love is explained when he tells me not to fall in love with him? He said that I will lose. I get dizzy when I talk to men. Do all men have different thoughts?"Maybe." I said slowly, I looked up at the morning sky again and sighed softly."I'm going first, Ree has called me again, I want to tell her a lot of things." Lee's words made me glance at him briefly and nod slowly.Lee then ruffled my hair for a while and walked away from me, I could see the happiness on his face. Lee seems so happy when he will be with Ree.Ah.. Love is complicated, is all love really this complicated? Good grief! My head hurts thinking about all this.I chose to just go downstairs, maybe eat something or do something else, that could put my mind at ease.I stepped onto the floor towards the door and started down the stairs one by one..When I was almost downstairs, I heard the sound of my cell phone ringing. I tried to see who was calling."Edwards." He called me again?Why did he call me? if he needs anything. Why didn't you tell me last night? you bad guy! I also refused the call, until several times he kept calling me. but I refused again, letting him feel how it feels to be rejected when he was hoping.I chose to walk towards the kitchen, then saw the dining table which felt very quiet. some of the maids bowed respectfully giving their best smiles. I just remembered that now I have become one of the most influential women. Because I got the inheritance from my father.Is that why Edwards suddenly left my life? maybe, but? ah.. damn! Thinking about Edwards really gave me a headache. I sat on the chair and started to take the food, not very comfortable in my mouth. But it's better than I thought on an empty stomach."Choon-Hee, you don't usually wake up so early and eat." Bella's words made me glance cynically, I was just silent when she said things that I didn't want to hear at all."Is there a ban? I can't wake up early and have breakfast? Don't talk too much, I'm annoyed with you. Why do you like to come when I'm alone?" I asked boldly, she just laughed then sat beside me. She picked up a strawberry that was on the table and chewed it slowly. I'm a little annoyed to see his very rude attitude, why is she always relaxed around me?"I'm just asking, why are you being so sensitive to me lately? Did I do something bad to you? Tell me, what did I do to you?" She asked with a sweet smile, the smile I always hated when I saw her."Nothing, I'm just annoyed to see your face. That's it, no specific reason." I said again, I took the spaghetti which was still quite warm. then eat it quickly, ahh.. my emotions always rise when I'm near Bella."You know Choon-hee? Pregnancy experienced by a woman, filled with many things that change. Starting from changes from small things that are not obvious to big things like hating her own husband, and hating myself.But there is one thing that makes a woman hate other women, maybe one of them is Insecure. With all the changes going on in her body, a pregnant woman can feel insecure. Many of the changes that occur in pregnancy, such as an enlarged belly and breasts, can cause side effects such as swollen feet due to fluid retention. All of these things can make pregnant women feel less beautiful. Even so, the way to support it is to still praise, support, and ensure that pregnant women are not as bad as they imagine. but? maybe you hate me because i'm too pretty huh? and you will slowly start to get big and ugly. Is that why you're lazy? Seeing my face Choon-Hee?" Once again the question from Bella gave me a headache.I sighed and looked into her eyes, which had been staring at me for a long time. "Could you shut up? Just a minute, I really don't want to be disturbed, if you really don't have a job you can water the plants or wash the dishes. As long as you don't bother me, I'll feel better." I said very honestly, Bella immediately laughed quite loudly. She held my arm tightly and looked me in the eye."Listen? Do you think that all the things you've got right now can make you feel victorious and can trample on my pride?" She asked quite loudly, I'm sure if she sounded like this. surely my mother wasn't home, that's why she was so brave."I didn't do anything to trample your pride or hurt your heart. I'm just in a bad mood, so I hope you can understand and I beg you. Stay away from my eyes. Because I just don't want to see you at all, I beg you. just a little bit." I pleaded, she looked displeased. She gripped my hand tighter, too strong for me to wince in pain, I tried to keep my hand away from her."Let go of me Bella! You're being too impudent getting here! Let go! or I'll scream!" My eyes looked at her eyes no less sharp, Bella seems to have shown her courage to me today. but I'm not afraid of anything, she smiled then walked slowly to the side of my ear and she spoke softly."You are not afraid of me and are very upset when you see me, but what if I do something to your mother? Your father? What can you do?" He whispered softly, I held my breath when I heard the words that were quite painful in my ears. What does it mean? Did she threaten my mother's father's safety?"Don't try to threaten me Bella!" I said in a low voice, I took a deep breath.. She let go of my hand and smiled again, then she stepped away from me.
