Lu Guang finishes paying respects to Buddha by placing the incense stick into the incense burner. He then turns around to glance at the hall. All of the monks in the temple have gathered as per his command. He nods in satisfaction and beckons Pusysdeva, who is standing next to me, over.
My face is [already] veiled. I remain behind with the rest of the entourage. Someone wants to initiate a conversation with me, but I pretend to not understand Tocharian and only hum in noncommittal replies. Rajiva is standing at the front of the group of monks and despite the bruise on his cheek, he still looks as calm and collected as usual.
Lu Guang clears his throat. The whole hall turns silent.
“By the edict of the Heavenly King of Great Qin1, the tyrannical King of Kucha [Bai Chun] was rightfully punished. This was also in accordance with the people’s wishes. Lu-mou2 received the heaven’s will, aided by the might of the Heavenly King, and was thus able to defeat the enemies. The Heavenly King of Great Qin conferred upon this humble Lu-mou the titles of Cavalier Attendant-in-Ordinary, Anxi General [General to Pacify the West], Colonel of Western Regions, and tasked me with the duty of governing the affairs of the Western Regions. In gratitude of this favour from heaven, I have come to the Cakuri Temple to pay my respects to Buddha, to pray for Kucha’s prosperity year-round, and for my king to live a thousand years.” (Author’s Note: Fu Jian never used the title ‘Emperor’ and instead called himself the ‘Heavenly King of Great Qin’. Compared to all the short-lived bastards during the Sixteen Kingdoms period, Fu Jian was rather humble.)
1 referring to Fu Jian, who called himself 天王 (Tian Wang) or ‘Heavenly King/Prince’, even though he was posthumously considered an emperor. Great Qin was what they called their state at the time; historians would later name it ‘Former Qin’ to distinguish it from the state of ‘Later Qin’ that followed.
2 某 (-mou) is a low-ranking, self-referential pronoun with the connotation that you are a nobody, just someone with [inserted surname]. Lu Guang’s use of it here is of course a clear pretense at humility.
Lu Guang pauses and turns to Pusysdeva: “State Preceptor, please translate my words into Tocharian.”
Pusysdeva does as he said.
Lu Guang then continues: “Lu-mou has been in the city for nearly two months. Kucha has returned to its peaceful days, how fortunate! The new King of Kucha has not minded hardships; he worked day and night and contributed greatly [to this].”
He then bows to Bai Zhen in a show of pretense. Bai Zhen hurriedly returns with a bow of his own.
“Lu-mou also received another joyous occasion in Kucha. The Great Master, the wise and compassionate monk Kumarajiva, gave a lecture [on religion] to Lu-mou, and it was as though the clouds have parted to reveal the blue sky beneath. Lu-mou felt a deep admiration and wished to express my gratitude. However, the Master has declined silver and gold and refused the conferment of titles. Lu-mou had a difficult time thinking [about this].”
He then pauses and waits until Pusysdeva finishes translating before continuing: “The Master’s reputation is known throughout the world and he has accomplished much despite his young age. Lu-mou sincerely wished to assist with the dissemination of his teachings and has offered a beauty to him. The Master is indeed of great personage, for he held no apprehensions and gladly accepted the offer.”
The colour of Pusysdeva’s face changes. His eyes turn into a glare and he throws an angry look at Lu Guang. The Chinese-speaking monks in the crowd are already whispering furiously. I peek at Rajiva. His eyes are semi-closed and the expression on his face has not changed—the picture of serenity, he stands out amongst the crowd. It seems that no matter what Lu Guang does, he would face it calmly.
“General Lu’s words are inaccurate,” Pusysdeva speak up in anger, “The Master broke the precept because he was forced to by the General. Forced to drink and held captive in a shuttered room.”
Lu Guang lifts a corner of his mouth into a leer and raises his eyebrows at Rajiva: “Yet the Master remained with the beauty and did not come out of his room for a whole month, basking in jades and sweet scents. Surely that was not all due to Lu-mou’s compulsion?”
“That is because General had him under house arrest-”
“Pusysdeva!” Rajiva interrupts him out loud. His face has turned slightly pale, but his voice remains firm, “Rajiva has violated the precept. This is the truth. There is no need to hide it.”
He turns around to face everyone. His clear eyes sweep across the room and all the noises quell instantly. The whole hall becomes eerily silent. They all look at him with suspicion. Rajiva closes his eyes for a moment, and when he opens them again, there is sorrow clearly evident in his gaze. In a measured and calm tone, he says in Tocharian: “Rajiva has indeed violated the precepts of celibacy and no drinking.”
The whole hall erupts. Everyone looks at him disbelief, a mixture of shock and disappointment. Someone shouts, “Venerable teacher, how could this be possible?” Some even cry.
The fiercest of them all is a young monk who points his finger at Rajiva, full of grief and indignation: “I worshipped you as my teacher for naught! You have committed such a transgression, how could Buddha’s door still contain you!”
The most reputed master in all of Western Regions, Kumarajiva, has long been a spiritual guide to these young monks. Today, this symbol of virtue has gained an indelible stain, and the idol in their hearts has collapsed. I can understand their reaction and how they are unable to accept this fact, but have they given any thoughts about what Rajiva’s mentality must be like to admit that he has violated the precepts in such a public place, in front of so many people? I am pained looking at him, but I can see that his calm face remains unchanged. I can also feel his gaze drifting to me, and how he gently touches his left arm, at the bump of wrapped cloth under his sleeve.
He is comforting me! The Atlas silk scarf he has wrapped around his left arm is a signal, his way of reassuring me. I nod slightly and purposefully bring up a hand to brush my hair, revealing the string of clear agate beads underneath my sleeve. Upon receiving my message, a faint smile appears at the corner of his mouth before it quickly disappears.
“The Master’s courage in admitting that is truly commendable!” Lu Guang laughs and claps his hands, looking at the crowd in satisfaction. “Lu-mou has intended to bring the woman who spent days and nights with the Master to pay respects to Buddha today, but [I] do not know what the Master did to have let the woman escape.”
Was this the effect that Lu Guang wanted? This public announcement is so that Rajiva can never lift his head in front of the monks ever again. Rajiva’s reputation is sweeping the ground; a hundred answers to a single’s call* no more. I am trembling in anger. He even wanted to use me as a weapon, as evidence of Rajiva breaking his precept! If I had not escaped, I would have been paraded around in this hall. How much of a blow would that be to Rajiva! Rajiva must have foreseen this, which is why he was determined to make me leave and even spoke words against his heart to do so. As for me, I was preoccupied with a little girl’s thoughts and did not deign to think about his pain being worse than mine.
* Two Chinese four-character idioms here: 威望扫地 literally translates to “reputation sweeping the ground”, meaning to drastically lose one’s reputation. 一呼百应 literally translates to “one call, [a] hundred answers” (the phrasing I used above is from MDBG’s dictionary), which describes a reputation so great that a hundred will answer at their call.
Rajiva was correct: He cannot run away! Not only because history cannot be changed, but more importantly, because Lu Guang will be happy to see Rajiva running away! If he had escaped with me, Lu Guang would have even more cause to completely destroy Rajiva’s reputation. Rajiva would have no place between heaven and earth left. I do not want to see Rajiva humiliated, but I have only been thinking from the perspective of a modern person. If worst comes to worst, I have tools to protect myself, can don on my anti-radiation jacket, start the time-travelling watch and instantly return to the 21st century.
But what about Rajiva? It is not possible for him to leave his own era. So how will he survive within these four walls and under these judgmental eyes? I have never considered this. I have always thought that I am wiser than the people in ancient times, but the truth is I have thought too highly of myself. The wisdom that I have is not my invention, but a product of my time period. When faced with a crisis, I am still an immature little girl.
I look at him. Standing amongst a hundred people, he seems unyielding yet solitary. I quietly say in my heart: I’m sorry, Rajiva! I will stop being so naïve and selfish. I will change my modern way of thinking only for myself and will try to consider things from your perspective. Your love has helped me grow, has helped me be more open-minded and understanding, so thank you!
A Chinese-speaking monk is whispering to the person besides him, probably translating what Lu Guang just said. Pusysdeva, who has been glaring this whole time, suddenly raises his voice to speak, but the string of angry words are not in Tocharian; it is in Sanskrit. The monks’ expressions change to a look of surprise and bewilderment as they erupt in furious whispers. The earlier atmosphere of grief and disappointment quickly disappears. Rajiva’s face is still calm hearing it, but the silent look he is giving Pusysdeva is filled with both gratitude and a bit of admonishment.
“What is the State Preceptor saying? Let’s use Han so Lu-mou can hear it as well,” Lu Gang’s tone is not very happy.
“I was merely translating in accordance with the General’s order.” Pusysdeva faces Lu Guang, neither servile nor imperious* in manner, and continues, “Incidentally, I also informed the masters about the woman’s extraordinary background, about the fact that she is a celestial being that was sent down by Buddha to help the Master overcome his tribulation.”
*不卑不亢, another four-character Chinese idiom; basically, Pusysdeva is toeing the line between obedience and disrespect.
Lu Guang’s face sinks. He then sneers and says, “How unexpected it is for the State Preceptor to display such blind loyalty! Just to protect your elder brother, you dared to make a false statement at Buddha’s door. How come Lu-mou never heard a word of this when the State Preceptor presented the woman to me?”
“The woman appeared out of nowhere, and there was a voice whispering at the back of my mind, telling me that she was sent down to save the Master. Of course, I did not dare to make any haphazard guesses about Buddha’s will. But if General Lu thinks that I am making up stories, then…” Pusysdeva’s eyes roam around the room before returning to Lu Guang in a sharp, fearless gaze, “Can General Lu explain how a woman who lacks steel in her hand* was able to escape the heavily-guarded palace?”
*手无寸铁 roughly translates to “steel-less tiny hand”, an idiom meaning someone who is weak and defenceless.
“This…” Lu Guang’s throat closes up. He turns back and glares at Lu Zuan [his son], who bows in fright.
The chattering in the hall becomes louder and louder, making Lu Guang even more incensed. That means Pusysdeva’s words have proven to be effective. Lu Guang’s eyes have taken on this vile, calculating glint by the time he looks up. Clearly with a new scheme in mind, he sneers: “For the Master to break the precept, it must mean that he is unable to part with the mortal world. How about allowing Lu-mou to perform a good deed to its end, and arrange the Master’s marriage with a member of his kin?”
All the people in the hall who understand Chinese raise their heads in surprise, and the game of nipping ears* quickly begins amongst the monks.
*咬耳朵 lit. ‘nipping ears’ is a colloquial expression, meaning to whisper in somebody’s ear.
“Why must General Lu insist on tormenting Rajiva? Absolutely not!” Rajiva’s tone is severe. You can see in his eyes that this is more than one can tolerate* and that he is furious.
*忍无可忍 an idiom, meaning that the person is at the end of their patience
“Master need not be so humble. Your father also left the monastic order, took a wife, and gave birth to you two brothers, Master and the State Preceptor, didn’t he?” Lu Guang pauses to think for a moment, then nods and continues, “How about this, since your esteemed father married a princess, and Master is of distinguished status, Lu-mou will not do you a disservice.”
He then turns to Bai Zhen, who has been standing still without saying a word, and asks: “Does the king perchance have any unmarried daughters?”
“This…” Bai Zhen was taken by surprise with Lu Guang’s question, so he ends up mumbling his reply, “This humble king’s daughters are all married.” His turbid eyes are avoiding [Lu Guang’s] gaze, and it takes some struggle before he can voice out the next words, “General, please do not torment the Master further.”
“Oh? Is there no other princess? Lu-mou heard there is one named Asuyamati. Does the king not want to marry her off to the Master?” Lu Guang sneers and glances at the hurdle of Kuchan concubines he has brought along, “If so, then Lu-mou shall arbitrarily choose one of the beauties here to marry the Master!”
Uneasiness takes over Pusysdeva’s face. He leans overs to Bai Zhen and whispers some words, then turns around and raises his voice at Lu Guang: “Had General Lu not remind him, he would have forgotten. My king does in fact have an unmarried princess named Agayamati.”
* [T/N: Asuyamati vs. Agayamati: In the original text, the Chinese characters for these two names are 阿素耶末帝 (ā sù yé mò dì) and 阿竭耶末帝 (ā jié yé mò dì), respectively. Further to my T/N in Ch. 30, this is an approximation based on a Chinese-Sanskrit Buddhist dictionary, because I could not find any Kumarajiva’s biographies that state what this princess’s real name is. This is the grave I dug by choosing to follow Lương Hiền’s style of sticking to original Sanskrit names instead of the Chinese for these characters…]
“Oh? Is that true? Excellent!” Lu Guang laughs and asks, “So where is the princess currently?”
Frightened, Bai Zhen tries to stand up but is stopped by a gentle touch from Pusysdeva. He gives Bai Zhen a look that says to ‘keep calm, don’t get excited’, before responding to Lu Guang, “The princess is in the city.”
“Then let’s fetch her immediately, leave today and return tomorrow. Excellent. The day after tomorrow, Lu-mou will hold a grand and vivacious wedding for the Master in this very temple.” He looks around and smiles in satisfaction, “Haha, there must have never been a wedding in a temple, correct? The Master is the first person to have violated the precepts. That day, all the masters must attend your teacher’s wedding. Without a doubt, it will be most vivacious wedding!”
“General Lu’s intentions, please forgive me, but Rajiva must decline.” Rajiva’s face is green. He tightly clasps his hands together [in a bow] as he tries to suppress his indignation, “Rajiva became a monk when he was a child, has since dedicated body and soul to Buddha; [he] dares not dishonour the princess.”
“Master is misguided,” Lu Guang smiles coldly, “Particularly on the passionate love between a man and woman*. If Master’s father could leave the monastic order and marry, then Master can naturally emulate him. Is there a need to decline?”
* 男欢女爱 this idiom roughly translates to ‘man happy, woman [in] love’, which is an expression to describe heterosexual passionate love. ‘passionate love between a man and woman’ does seem overly verbose, but works better in conveying the full meaning.
“General Lu does not need to inconvenience himself, for Rajiva will never agree [to this]. If General Lu persists, then Rajiva will stop eating and drinking starting from today, until death comes seeking,” Rajiva declares with absolution, heedless of the anger on Lu Guang’s face.
In a solemn tone, he repeats the same declaration in Tocharian to all the monks present. He then sits down in a lotus position, closes his eyes and begins to chant sutras.
The monks are just as indignant and follow Rajiva’s example by sitting down all at the same time. Before long, no empty spots remain both inside and outside the hall. A moment later, as Rajiva chants louder and louder, the monks’ chanting becomes even more even, orderly and resonant, making Lu Guang looks like he has egg on his face*.
*狼狈不堪 This idiom involves something wolf—impossible to translate this phrase literally—and appears to originate from Ma Chao of Three Kingdoms’ fame. MDGB’s dictionary says it means “battered and exhausted/stuck in a dilemma”. BBC’s Learning English site tells me the equivalent would be “have egg on one’s face”, an expression that is also unfamiliar to me, but it is an acceptable alternative here.
Lu Guang glares at Rajiva. His face looks vicious and his gaze pitiless. I secretly reach under my sleeve and make sure the anaesthesia gun’s safety is off. The distance between us is within shooting range. If he makes any attempt to harm Rajiva, I will knock him down and think of the next steps after.
Lu Zuan’s face looks calculating. He suddenly whispers something into his father’s ears. Lu Guang nods. Lu Zuan calls out a word and several of his men immediately leave their positions. I am wondering about what they are scheming when Lu Guang suddenly smiles snidely and says to Rajiva, who is still chanting: “If Master insists on acting contrary, then do not blame Lu-mou for being heartless.”
I am just about to pull out the anaesthesia gun when I suddenly hear crashing and breaking sounds behind me. I turn around and see that Lu Zuan and his men are pushing various Buddha’s statues. Shifted off their bases, the statues immediately come crashing down. Those exquisite statues made of clay and adorned with gold are now nothing but broken, jagged pieces on the ground.
“Gautama Buddha!” all the monks scream out in sorrow, their hands stretched out towards the statues. Their faces are filled with anguish and crying sounds echo in the hall.
“General Lu, destroying Buddha’s statues will result in karma. This kind of malevolence will send one to hell. Hope General Lu will reconsider [his action],” Rajiva is trying his best to keep his voice steady as he speaks. His face is twitching [in anger].
The two of them glare at each other.
“Oh? Is that right?” Lu Guang looks up, contempt on his face, and sneers, “I, Lu Guang, do not believe in this so-called karma. If your Buddha is so mighty, then let him deliver his retribution. I will wait.”
On the side, Bai Zhen’s face is ashen. Trembling, he tries to persuade: “General Lu, this is Buddha’s abode, please stay your hand!”
“Great King persuading me…would it not be better for you to persuade your nephew instead? As soon as Master acquiesces, Lu-mou will stay his hand.”
Lu Guang gives a slight nod to Lu Zuan. Lu Zuan and Lu Guang’s other nephews, Lu Long and Lu Chao, smirk and continue to jump from the base of one statue to the next. The statues of Amitābha and Bhaiṣajyaguru are also pushed down, kicking up a storm of dust in the hall.
Lu Guang cackles amidst the cries of the monks: “I want to see, me destroying the Buddha’s statues like this, what can you do against me?”
Rajiva pushes down his anger and speaks out loud in Tocharian to the monks. The cries stop. The monks resume their lotus positions and follow along with Rajiva’s chants. The sounds of chanting in Sanskrit rise higher and higher, resonating across every corner of the hall. This chanting sound really has the power to comfort one’s heart—it is the method Buddha’s people use to combat against cruelty and show perseverance. It is akin to a declaration to Lu Guang: The Buddha’s statues can be destroyed, but their piety towards Buddha cannot be.
“Great, keep on chanting. I want to see how long you can hold it!” Agitated, Lu Guang shouts, “Men, destroy that jade stone with Buddha’s footprint for me!”
* [T/N: See Ch. 19 for more details on this jade stone.]
Rajiva’s face remains cold and his eyes are not wavering in the slightest, indicating that his will is unshakable. He speaks slowly and clearly: “Genera Lu, Buddha’s statues can be carved again if destroyed, and jade stone can be found again if shattered. Even if you tear down the Cakuri Temple, Rajiva will collect all the bricks and tiles needed to rebuild. Rajiva’s heart towards the Buddha is as unshakable as a rock.”
“You really are a loathsome monk!” Lu Guang explodes in anger, “You can rebuild the temple, but can you bring the dead back?”
He grabs the monk nearest to him, unsheathes his sword, and brings it up against the neck of the monk who is shaking like a leaf.
“Today, Lu-mou will contend with you to the end. If you do not acquiesce, I will kill a monk every half of a shichen*. Let’s see how many people are there in this temple for Lu-mou to kill.”
*时辰 is a time measuring unit. Historically, Chinese measured time according to a sexagenary cycle (aka Stems-and-Branches or 干支, gānzhī) for everything from years to hours. A day is divided into twelve (double) hours, each with a distinct name (branch). So each branch of a day corresponds to a modern equivalent of two hours, hence why it would be inaccurate to translate 时辰 as ‘hour’. (Source: Wiki & also personal knowledge, as Vietnam also adopted this due to Chinese colonization.)
“You…” Rajiva stands up. The corners of his eyes tighten, and his clenched fists are trembling. I have never seen him so angry. “Human life is the most precious between heaven and earth. To commit the sin of slaughter, you will be sent down to the Avīci level of Naraka*, never to be reborn!”
* Naraka is a Buddhist concept that can be translated as ‘hell’ but it is not the same as the Christian version. There are Eight Cold Naraka and Eight Hot Naraka, Avīci is the hell of no intervals, the lowest of the Eight Hot Naraka, and with the most suffering. [See Ch. 19 for more details, where Rajiva described the Eight Hot Naraka to Ai Qing during her visit to Cakuri Temple.]
“Pah!” Lu Guang spits on a broken statue. “What worth is there of human life? So what if I never get reborn? Lu-mou has killed countless people, a head of a bald donkey* is nothing!”
*秃驴 lit. ‘bald donkey’ is a slur used to mock Buddhist monks.
“Lu Guang, do you think our Kucha is defenceless?” Pusysdeva’s eyes are streaked with red from anger as he pulls out a long sword from his waist, ready to charge at Lu Guang. However, he is stopped by Lu Guang’s eldest son, Lu Shao, and his general, Du Jin. They all have their swords drawn. The situation is incredibly tense.
“Pusysdeva, put down your sword!”
That was from Bai Zhen, the cowardly king, who is so frightened that his legs shake and his words barely coherent. He turns to Lu Guang and shouts in tears: “General Lu, ten million times don’t!”
Seeing that he is no danger [from Pusysdeva], Lu Guang continues to hold the monk hostage and tells Rajiva: “Master better make a decision soon. Lu-mou’s patience has its limit. One, two, three-”
“Halt!”
Lu Guang stays his hand. The hall becomes silent, and the atmosphere feels like it could explode at the slightest touch*. All eyes fall on Rajiva. Lips trembling, he looks at me with tears in his eyes. It is a complicated and sad gaze that conveys a thousand words. Everything around me seems to slow, time seems to stop, as if only he and I exist, looking at each other.
* 一触即发 lit. ‘one touch, immediately sets off’, used to describe a situation so tense that anything could happen at the slightest provocation.
My finger is already resting on the gun’s trigger, but I cannot seem to pull it. All I can do is make Lu Guang sleep for a day. What happens after he wakes up? More tormenting? Maybe war even? He has so many people behind him, just overthrowing him alone will not be sufficient. I cannot be selfish and cause Kucha to be embroiled in another war again. With tears streaming down my face, eyes not leaving his, I slowly nod.
He turns his head away. The corners of his mouth quiver and his Adam’s apple bobs up and down. He looks up at the sky to take a deep breath and then says in the bleakest voice:
“Rajiva agrees.”
“Teacher!” all the monks collapse on their knees. Their wailing echoes across the entire expanse of the Cakuri Temple and underneath the blue sky.
Rajiva looks at me again. Insurmountable sorrow rises in his eyes. I silently wipe away my tears and give him my signature silly grin. Even though my face is veiled, I am sure he can still see it. My eyes cannot seem to leave him. Just one more time. Let me engrave his image into my mind, stroke by stroke, so that it never fades.
I really do have to go this time. How I hate this wheel of fate and its ruthlessness. It just keeps turning on and on. In the end, I am merely a passerby in his life. However, Rajiva, you did not make the wrong choice. You do not need me in the next chapter of your history, so I will go…
Lu Guang finishes paying respects to Buddha by placing the incense stick into the incense burner. He then turns around to glance at the hall. All of the monks in the temple have gathered as per his command. He nods in satisfaction and beckons Pusysdeva, who is standing next to me, over.
My face is [already] veiled. I remain behind with the rest of the entourage. Someone wants to initiate a conversation with me, but I pretend to not understand Tocharian and only hum in noncommittal replies. Rajiva is standing at the front of the group of monks and despite the bruise on his cheek, he still looks as calm and collected as usual.
Lu Guang clears his throat. The whole hall turns silent.
“By the edict of the Heavenly King of Great Qin1, the tyrannical King of Kucha [Bai Chun] was rightfully punished. This was also in accordance with the people’s wishes. Lu-mou2 received the heaven’s will, aided by the might of the Heavenly King, and was thus able to defeat the enemies. The Heavenly King of Great Qin conferred upon this humble Lu-mou the titles of Cavalier Attendant-in-Ordinary, Anxi General [General to Pacify the West], Colonel of Western Regions, and tasked me with the duty of governing the affairs of the Western Regions. In gratitude of this favour from heaven, I have come to the Cakuri Temple to pay my respects to Buddha, to pray for Kucha’s prosperity year-round, and for my king to live a thousand years.” (Author’s Note: Fu Jian never used the title ‘Emperor’ and instead called himself the ‘Heavenly King of Great Qin’. Compared to all the short-lived bastards during the Sixteen Kingdoms period, Fu Jian was rather humble.)
1 referring to Fu Jian, who called himself 天王 (Tian Wang) or ‘Heavenly King/Prince’, even though he was posthumously considered an emperor. Great Qin was what they called their state at the time; historians would later name it ‘Former Qin’ to distinguish it from the state of ‘Later Qin’ that followed.
2 某 (-mou) is a low-ranking, self-referential pronoun with the connotation that you are a nobody, just someone with [inserted surname]. Lu Guang’s use of it here is of course a clear pretense at humility.
Lu Guang pauses and turns to Pusysdeva: “State Preceptor, please translate my words into Tocharian.”
Pusysdeva does as he said.
Lu Guang then continues: “Lu-mou has been in the city for nearly two months. Kucha has returned to its peaceful days, how fortunate! The new King of Kucha has not minded hardships; he worked day and night and contributed greatly [to this].”
He then bows to Bai Zhen in a show of pretense. Bai Zhen hurriedly returns with a bow of his own.
“Lu-mou also received another joyous occasion in Kucha. The Great Master, the wise and compassionate monk Kumarajiva, gave a lecture [on religion] to Lu-mou, and it was as though the clouds have parted to reveal the blue sky beneath. Lu-mou felt a deep admiration and wished to express my gratitude. However, the Master has declined silver and gold and refused the conferment of titles. Lu-mou had a difficult time thinking [about this].”
He then pauses and waits until Pusysdeva finishes translating before continuing: “The Master’s reputation is known throughout the world and he has accomplished much despite his young age. Lu-mou sincerely wished to assist with the dissemination of his teachings and has offered a beauty to him. The Master is indeed of great personage, for he held no apprehensions and gladly accepted the offer.”
The colour of Pusysdeva’s face changes. His eyes turn into a glare and he throws an angry look at Lu Guang. The Chinese-speaking monks in the crowd are already whispering furiously. I peek at Rajiva. His eyes are semi-closed and the expression on his face has not changed—the picture of serenity, he stands out amongst the crowd. It seems that no matter what Lu Guang does, he would face it calmly.
“General Lu’s words are inaccurate,” Pusysdeva speak up in anger, “The Master broke the precept because he was forced to by the General. Forced to drink and held captive in a shuttered room.”
Lu Guang lifts a corner of his mouth into a leer and raises his eyebrows at Rajiva: “Yet the Master remained with the beauty and did not come out of his room for a whole month, basking in jades and sweet scents. Surely that was not all due to Lu-mou’s compulsion?”
“That is because General had him under house arrest-”
“Pusysdeva!” Rajiva interrupts him out loud. His face has turned slightly pale, but his voice remains firm, “Rajiva has violated the precept. This is the truth. There is no need to hide it.”
He turns around to face everyone. His clear eyes sweep across the room and all the noises quell instantly. The whole hall becomes eerily silent. They all look at him with suspicion. Rajiva closes his eyes for a moment, and when he opens them again, there is sorrow clearly evident in his gaze. In a measured and calm tone, he says in Tocharian: “Rajiva has indeed violated the precepts of celibacy and no drinking.”
The whole hall erupts. Everyone looks at him disbelief, a mixture of shock and disappointment. Someone shouts, “Venerable teacher, how could this be possible?” Some even cry.
The fiercest of them all is a young monk who points his finger at Rajiva, full of grief and indignation: “I worshipped you as my teacher for naught! You have committed such a transgression, how could Buddha’s door still contain you!”
The most reputed master in all of Western Regions, Kumarajiva, has long been a spiritual guide to these young monks. Today, this symbol of virtue has gained an indelible stain, and the idol in their hearts has collapsed. I can understand their reaction and how they are unable to accept this fact, but have they given any thoughts about what Rajiva’s mentality must be like to admit that he has violated the precepts in such a public place, in front of so many people? I am pained looking at him, but I can see that his calm face remains unchanged. I can also feel his gaze drifting to me, and how he gently touches his left arm, at the bump of wrapped cloth under his sleeve.
He is comforting me! The Atlas silk scarf he has wrapped around his left arm is a signal, his way of reassuring me. I nod slightly and purposefully bring up a hand to brush my hair, revealing the string of clear agate beads underneath my sleeve. Upon receiving my message, a faint smile appears at the corner of his mouth before it quickly disappears.
“The Master’s courage in admitting that is truly commendable!” Lu Guang laughs and claps his hands, looking at the crowd in satisfaction. “Lu-mou has intended to bring the woman who spent days and nights with the Master to pay respects to Buddha today, but [I] do not know what the Master did to have let the woman escape.”
Was this the effect that Lu Guang wanted? This public announcement is so that Rajiva can never lift his head in front of the monks ever again. Rajiva’s reputation is sweeping the ground; a hundred answers to a single’s call* no more. I am trembling in anger. He even wanted to use me as a weapon, as evidence of Rajiva breaking his precept! If I had not escaped, I would have been paraded around in this hall. How much of a blow would that be to Rajiva! Rajiva must have foreseen this, which is why he was determined to make me leave and even spoke words against his heart to do so. As for me, I was preoccupied with a little girl’s thoughts and did not deign to think about his pain being worse than mine.
* Two Chinese four-character idioms here: 威望扫地 literally translates to “reputation sweeping the ground”, meaning to drastically lose one’s reputation. 一呼百应 literally translates to “one call, [a] hundred answers” (the phrasing I used above is from MDBG’s dictionary), which describes a reputation so great that a hundred will answer at their call.
Rajiva was correct: He cannot run away! Not only because history cannot be changed, but more importantly, because Lu Guang will be happy to see Rajiva running away! If he had escaped with me, Lu Guang would have even more cause to completely destroy Rajiva’s reputation. Rajiva would have no place between heaven and earth left. I do not want to see Rajiva humiliated, but I have only been thinking from the perspective of a modern person. If worst comes to worst, I have tools to protect myself, can don on my anti-radiation jacket, start the time-travelling watch and instantly return to the 21st century.
But what about Rajiva? It is not possible for him to leave his own era. So how will he survive within these four walls and under these judgmental eyes? I have never considered this. I have always thought that I am wiser than the people in ancient times, but the truth is I have thought too highly of myself. The wisdom that I have is not my invention, but a product of my time period. When faced with a crisis, I am still an immature little girl.
I look at him. Standing amongst a hundred people, he seems unyielding yet solitary. I quietly say in my heart: I’m sorry, Rajiva! I will stop being so naïve and selfish. I will change my modern way of thinking only for myself and will try to consider things from your perspective. Your love has helped me grow, has helped me be more open-minded and understanding, so thank you!
A Chinese-speaking monk is whispering to the person besides him, probably translating what Lu Guang just said. Pusysdeva, who has been glaring this whole time, suddenly raises his voice to speak, but the string of angry words are not in Tocharian; it is in Sanskrit. The monks’ expressions change to a look of surprise and bewilderment as they erupt in furious whispers. The earlier atmosphere of grief and disappointment quickly disappears. Rajiva’s face is still calm hearing it, but the silent look he is giving Pusysdeva is filled with both gratitude and a bit of admonishment.
“What is the State Preceptor saying? Let’s use Han so Lu-mou can hear it as well,” Lu Gang’s tone is not very happy.
“I was merely translating in accordance with the General’s order.” Pusysdeva faces Lu Guang, neither servile nor imperious* in manner, and continues, “Incidentally, I also informed the masters about the woman’s extraordinary background, about the fact that she is a celestial being that was sent down by Buddha to help the Master overcome his tribulation.”
*不卑不亢, another four-character Chinese idiom; basically, Pusysdeva is toeing the line between obedience and disrespect.
Lu Guang’s face sinks. He then sneers and says, “How unexpected it is for the State Preceptor to display such blind loyalty! Just to protect your elder brother, you dared to make a false statement at Buddha’s door. How come Lu-mou never heard a word of this when the State Preceptor presented the woman to me?”
“The woman appeared out of nowhere, and there was a voice whispering at the back of my mind, telling me that she was sent down to save the Master. Of course, I did not dare to make any haphazard guesses about Buddha’s will. But if General Lu thinks that I am making up stories, then…” Pusysdeva’s eyes roam around the room before returning to Lu Guang in a sharp, fearless gaze, “Can General Lu explain how a woman who lacks steel in her hand* was able to escape the heavily-guarded palace?”
*手无寸铁 roughly translates to “steel-less tiny hand”, an idiom meaning someone who is weak and defenceless.
“This…” Lu Guang’s throat closes up. He turns back and glares at Lu Zuan [his son], who bows in fright.
The chattering in the hall becomes louder and louder, making Lu Guang even more incensed. That means Pusysdeva’s words have proven to be effective. Lu Guang’s eyes have taken on this vile, calculating glint by the time he looks up. Clearly with a new scheme in mind, he sneers: “For the Master to break the precept, it must mean that he is unable to part with the mortal world. How about allowing Lu-mou to perform a good deed to its end, and arrange the Master’s marriage with a member of his kin?”
All the people in the hall who understand Chinese raise their heads in surprise, and the game of nipping ears* quickly begins amongst the monks.
*咬耳朵 lit. ‘nipping ears’ is a colloquial expression, meaning to whisper in somebody’s ear.
“Why must General Lu insist on tormenting Rajiva? Absolutely not!” Rajiva’s tone is severe. You can see in his eyes that this is more than one can tolerate* and that he is furious.
*忍无可忍 an idiom, meaning that the person is at the end of their patience
“Master need not be so humble. Your father also left the monastic order, took a wife, and gave birth to you two brothers, Master and the State Preceptor, didn’t he?” Lu Guang pauses to think for a moment, then nods and continues, “How about this, since your esteemed father married a princess, and Master is of distinguished status, Lu-mou will not do you a disservice.”
He then turns to Bai Zhen, who has been standing still without saying a word, and asks: “Does the king perchance have any unmarried daughters?”
“This…” Bai Zhen was taken by surprise with Lu Guang’s question, so he ends up mumbling his reply, “This humble king’s daughters are all married.” His turbid eyes are avoiding [Lu Guang’s] gaze, and it takes some struggle before he can voice out the next words, “General, please do not torment the Master further.”
“Oh? Is there no other princess? Lu-mou heard there is one named Asuyamati. Does the king not want to marry her off to the Master?” Lu Guang sneers and glances at the hurdle of Kuchan concubines he has brought along, “If so, then Lu-mou shall arbitrarily choose one of the beauties here to marry the Master!”
Uneasiness takes over Pusysdeva’s face. He leans overs to Bai Zhen and whispers some words, then turns around and raises his voice at Lu Guang: “Had General Lu not remind him, he would have forgotten. My king does in fact have an unmarried princess named Agayamati.”
* [T/N: Asuyamati vs. Agayamati: In the original text, the Chinese characters for these two names are 阿素耶末帝 (ā sù yé mò dì) and 阿竭耶末帝 (ā jié yé mò dì), respectively. Further to my T/N in Ch. 30, this is an approximation based on a Chinese-Sanskrit Buddhist dictionary, because I could not find any Kumarajiva’s biographies that state what this princess’s real name is. This is the grave I dug by choosing to follow Lương Hiền’s style of sticking to original Sanskrit names instead of the Chinese for these characters…]
“Oh? Is that true? Excellent!” Lu Guang laughs and asks, “So where is the princess currently?”
Frightened, Bai Zhen tries to stand up but is stopped by a gentle touch from Pusysdeva. He gives Bai Zhen a look that says to ‘keep calm, don’t get excited’, before responding to Lu Guang, “The princess is in the city.”
“Then let’s fetch her immediately, leave today and return tomorrow. Excellent. The day after tomorrow, Lu-mou will hold a grand and vivacious wedding for the Master in this very temple.” He looks around and smiles in satisfaction, “Haha, there must have never been a wedding in a temple, correct? The Master is the first person to have violated the precepts. That day, all the masters must attend your teacher’s wedding. Without a doubt, it will be most vivacious wedding!”
“General Lu’s intentions, please forgive me, but Rajiva must decline.” Rajiva’s face is green. He tightly clasps his hands together [in a bow] as he tries to suppress his indignation, “Rajiva became a monk when he was a child, has since dedicated body and soul to Buddha; [he] dares not dishonour the princess.”
“Master is misguided,” Lu Guang smiles coldly, “Particularly on the passionate love between a man and woman*. If Master’s father could leave the monastic order and marry, then Master can naturally emulate him. Is there a need to decline?”
* 男欢女爱 this idiom roughly translates to ‘man happy, woman [in] love’, which is an expression to describe heterosexual passionate love. ‘passionate love between a man and woman’ does seem overly verbose, but works better in conveying the full meaning.
“General Lu does not need to inconvenience himself, for Rajiva will never agree [to this]. If General Lu persists, then Rajiva will stop eating and drinking starting from today, until death comes seeking,” Rajiva declares with absolution, heedless of the anger on Lu Guang’s face.
In a solemn tone, he repeats the same declaration in Tocharian to all the monks present. He then sits down in a lotus position, closes his eyes and begins to chant sutras.
The monks are just as indignant and follow Rajiva’s example by sitting down all at the same time. Before long, no empty spots remain both inside and outside the hall. A moment later, as Rajiva chants louder and louder, the monks’ chanting becomes even more even, orderly and resonant, making Lu Guang looks like he has egg on his face*.
*狼狈不堪 This idiom involves something wolf—impossible to translate this phrase literally—and appears to originate from Ma Chao of Three Kingdoms’ fame. MDGB’s dictionary says it means “battered and exhausted/stuck in a dilemma”. BBC’s Learning English site tells me the equivalent would be “have egg on one’s face”, an expression that is also unfamiliar to me, but it is an acceptable alternative here.
Lu Guang glares at Rajiva. His face looks vicious and his gaze pitiless. I secretly reach under my sleeve and make sure the anaesthesia gun’s safety is off. The distance between us is within shooting range. If he makes any attempt to harm Rajiva, I will knock him down and think of the next steps after.
Lu Zuan’s face looks calculating. He suddenly whispers something into his father’s ears. Lu Guang nods. Lu Zuan calls out a word and several of his men immediately leave their positions. I am wondering about what they are scheming when Lu Guang suddenly smiles snidely and says to Rajiva, who is still chanting: “If Master insists on acting contrary, then do not blame Lu-mou for being heartless.”
I am just about to pull out the anaesthesia gun when I suddenly hear crashing and breaking sounds behind me. I turn around and see that Lu Zuan and his men are pushing various Buddha’s statues. Shifted off their bases, the statues immediately come crashing down. Those exquisite statues made of clay and adorned with gold are now nothing but broken, jagged pieces on the ground.
“Gautama Buddha!” all the monks scream out in sorrow, their hands stretched out towards the statues. Their faces are filled with anguish and crying sounds echo in the hall.
“General Lu, destroying Buddha’s statues will result in karma. This kind of malevolence will send one to hell. Hope General Lu will reconsider [his action],” Rajiva is trying his best to keep his voice steady as he speaks. His face is twitching [in anger].
The two of them glare at each other.
“Oh? Is that right?” Lu Guang looks up, contempt on his face, and sneers, “I, Lu Guang, do not believe in this so-called karma. If your Buddha is so mighty, then let him deliver his retribution. I will wait.”
On the side, Bai Zhen’s face is ashen. Trembling, he tries to persuade: “General Lu, this is Buddha’s abode, please stay your hand!”
“Great King persuading me…would it not be better for you to persuade your nephew instead? As soon as Master acquiesces, Lu-mou will stay his hand.”
Lu Guang gives a slight nod to Lu Zuan. Lu Zuan and Lu Guang’s other nephews, Lu Long and Lu Chao, smirk and continue to jump from the base of one statue to the next. The statues of Amitābha and Bhaiṣajyaguru are also pushed down, kicking up a storm of dust in the hall.
Lu Guang cackles amidst the cries of the monks: “I want to see, me destroying the Buddha’s statues like this, what can you do against me?”
Rajiva pushes down his anger and speaks out loud in Tocharian to the monks. The cries stop. The monks resume their lotus positions and follow along with Rajiva’s chants. The sounds of chanting in Sanskrit rise higher and higher, resonating across every corner of the hall. This chanting sound really has the power to comfort one’s heart—it is the method Buddha’s people use to combat against cruelty and show perseverance. It is akin to a declaration to Lu Guang: The Buddha’s statues can be destroyed, but their piety towards Buddha cannot be.
“Great, keep on chanting. I want to see how long you can hold it!” Agitated, Lu Guang shouts, “Men, destroy that jade stone with Buddha’s footprint for me!”
* [T/N: See Ch. 19 for more details on this jade stone.]
Rajiva’s face remains cold and his eyes are not wavering in the slightest, indicating that his will is unshakable. He speaks slowly and clearly: “Genera Lu, Buddha’s statues can be carved again if destroyed, and jade stone can be found again if shattered. Even if you tear down the Cakuri Temple, Rajiva will collect all the bricks and tiles needed to rebuild. Rajiva’s heart towards the Buddha is as unshakable as a rock.”
“You really are a loathsome monk!” Lu Guang explodes in anger, “You can rebuild the temple, but can you bring the dead back?”
He grabs the monk nearest to him, unsheathes his sword, and brings it up against the neck of the monk who is shaking like a leaf.
“Today, Lu-mou will contend with you to the end. If you do not acquiesce, I will kill a monk every half of a shichen*. Let’s see how many people are there in this temple for Lu-mou to kill.”
*时辰 is a time measuring unit. Historically, Chinese measured time according to a sexagenary cycle (aka Stems-and-Branches or 干支, gānzhī) for everything from years to hours. A day is divided into twelve (double) hours, each with a distinct name (branch). So each branch of a day corresponds to a modern equivalent of two hours, hence why it would be inaccurate to translate 时辰 as ‘hour’. (Source: Wiki & also personal knowledge, as Vietnam also adopted this due to Chinese colonization.)
“You…” Rajiva stands up. The corners of his eyes tighten, and his clenched fists are trembling. I have never seen him so angry. “Human life is the most precious between heaven and earth. To commit the sin of slaughter, you will be sent down to the Avīci level of Naraka*, never to be reborn!”
* Naraka is a Buddhist concept that can be translated as ‘hell’ but it is not the same as the Christian version. There are Eight Cold Naraka and Eight Hot Naraka, Avīci is the hell of no intervals, the lowest of the Eight Hot Naraka, and with the most suffering. [See Ch. 19 for more details, where Rajiva described the Eight Hot Naraka to Ai Qing during her visit to Cakuri Temple.]
“Pah!” Lu Guang spits on a broken statue. “What worth is there of human life? So what if I never get reborn? Lu-mou has killed countless people, a head of a bald donkey* is nothing!”
*秃驴 lit. ‘bald donkey’ is a slur used to mock Buddhist monks.
“Lu Guang, do you think our Kucha is defenceless?” Pusysdeva’s eyes are streaked with red from anger as he pulls out a long sword from his waist, ready to charge at Lu Guang. However, he is stopped by Lu Guang’s eldest son, Lu Shao, and his general, Du Jin. They all have their swords drawn. The situation is incredibly tense.
“Pusysdeva, put down your sword!”
That was from Bai Zhen, the cowardly king, who is so frightened that his legs shake and his words barely coherent. He turns to Lu Guang and shouts in tears: “General Lu, ten million times don’t!”
Seeing that he is no danger [from Pusysdeva], Lu Guang continues to hold the monk hostage and tells Rajiva: “Master better make a decision soon. Lu-mou’s patience has its limit. One, two, three-”
“Halt!”
Lu Guang stays his hand. The hall becomes silent, and the atmosphere feels like it could explode at the slightest touch*. All eyes fall on Rajiva. Lips trembling, he looks at me with tears in his eyes. It is a complicated and sad gaze that conveys a thousand words. Everything around me seems to slow, time seems to stop, as if only he and I exist, looking at each other.
* 一触即发 lit. ‘one touch, immediately sets off’, used to describe a situation so tense that anything could happen at the slightest provocation.
My finger is already resting on the gun’s trigger, but I cannot seem to pull it. All I can do is make Lu Guang sleep for a day. What happens after he wakes up? More tormenting? Maybe war even? He has so many people behind him, just overthrowing him alone will not be sufficient. I cannot be selfish and cause Kucha to be embroiled in another war again. With tears streaming down my face, eyes not leaving his, I slowly nod.
He turns his head away. The corners of his mouth quiver and his Adam’s apple bobs up and down. He looks up at the sky to take a deep breath and then says in the bleakest voice:
“Rajiva agrees.”
“Teacher!” all the monks collapse on their knees. Their wailing echoes across the entire expanse of the Cakuri Temple and underneath the blue sky.
Rajiva looks at me again. Insurmountable sorrow rises in his eyes. I silently wipe away my tears and give him my signature silly grin. Even though my face is veiled, I am sure he can still see it. My eyes cannot seem to leave him. Just one more time. Let me engrave his image into my mind, stroke by stroke, so that it never fades.
I really do have to go this time. How I hate this wheel of fate and its ruthlessness. It just keeps turning on and on. In the end, I am merely a passerby in his life. However, Rajiva, you did not make the wrong choice. You do not need me in the next chapter of your history, so I will go…
