A soft kiss falls on my lips. I open my eyes in a half-squint and see that the sky is bright outside.
“Sorry for waking you up.”
He gently pushes me back onto the pillow, “You can sleep a little longer. I will be gathering the monks for morning mantra. After we are finished, I will come back and have breakfast with you.”
He leaves wearing a monk’s robes, and when he opens the door, pale morning light shines on his tall and thin figure. His handsome, open back casts a soft circle of light on the room. The aura he exudes from his whole person is wholly unique and indescribable.
Once the door closes, I pull the blanket over my head and giggle, unable to help myself any longer. I laugh until it gets too suffocating and pull my head out.
Last night, we only held each other as we slept. Even though it was our wedding night, we are in a temple after all, so we cannot desecrate it. However, just sleeping in a hugging position like that was enough to make me dizzy with happiness.
Today is my first day as his wife. When I joined this time-travelling project, I had never thought that I would become the wife of an ancient man or someone this great—a person who possesses an inexplicably charming personality, indomitable charisma, and outstanding mental prowess.
Lost in these thoughts, a secret happiness swells up inside me. Suddenly, there is a crisp ringing of the bells outside the window and soon after, the sound of chanting in Sanskrit travels to my ears. Even though I cannot see it, I can imagine Rajiva leading the group of monks in lighting up the incense, prostrating, and then reciting the sutras. Listening to the chants, my heart instantly becomes peaceful and tranquil. Not wanting to sleep in any further, I get out of bed and begin my morning exercise in the small courtyard. I do not dare to venture out any further in fear of troubling him.
A little novice monk comes by with water. Upon seeing me, not knowing how to address me, he flushes, puts down the bucket and flees. A moment later, another novice monk brings me breakfast, stammers for a while but cannot seem to get a word out. Once I finished freshening up, I stare at the breakfast tray in a daze, musing on my strange status.
Love and aspiration are as incompatible as fire and water. Human capability is too small [to handle both]. Even if I am willing to silently stay by his side, uncaring about my status, I will still inadvertently become a thorn on the road he travels to fulfill his aspiration. In the end, it would only result in suffering and resentment, and then finally, a breakup. Thinking about this, I am secretly grateful that we are living in such a turbulent era. War brought Lu Guang here, repeatedly forcing Rajiva to marry, even though he did not have any intention of making a love match happen.
On this note, I share the same thoughts as Rajiva’s. We are willing to forgive Lu Guang no matter what cruelty he had, is, and will be doing to us. Had he not publicly forced Rajiva’s hands, the monks would not have accepted us. Breaking the precepts was an indelible mark on Rajiva’s illustrious life. His fame should have been comparable to that of Xuan Zang but because of this stain, later generations would, either intentionally or unintentionally, avoid talking about Rajiva’s contributions or judge them with a skewed eye. But Rajiva said that he does not mind. In any event, he is now a married man but is still able to stay with his monk community, and still be able to follow his aspiration in promoting the words of Buddha. He is more than satisfied with this.
“What are you in a daze about?”
Seeing him enter the room, I smile brightly in greeting and close my diary. We then have breakfast together. It feels like a return to the peaceful days of being under the house arrest, where no one bothered us and we could simply be, where we could enjoy meals together, occasionally looking up to smile at each other.
“Rajiva, I want to move to your house in Subashi today.”
He looks at me and nods, “All right.” Picking up another piece of naan, he continues: “Masavu and his wife have left for Tian Zhu* with their son, who will be taking care of them, so now Kaodura and his wife are looking after the house.”
* India
Recalling that Kaodura is his coachman, I nod.
“I will leave after breakfast.”
“Ai Qing…”
A hand reaches mine under the table.
“You must have felt wronged, staying here.”
I smile and clasp our fingers together.
“We are now husband and wife, must we still be so formal with each other?”
He has to leave right after breakfast.
“Because of the chaos of war and the fact that I was detained, the temple has turned into disarray and many monks have fled. Now that I have returned, I must restore the order as soon as possible.”
He gives me a guilty look, “So the coming days will be very busy.”
“It’s all right, you go and do your job.”
Seeing that he is about to step out, I quickly pull him back by his arm, stand on my tiptoes, and give him a peck on the lips.
He stares at me in a daze, then with a smile at the corner of his eyes, he says: “Ai Qing, please pack my clothes and belongings also.”
He puts an arm around my waist and whispers into my ear, “I will come back after the evening chant.”
My face reddens inexplicably.
I organize my belongings. I do not have many things; most are his. His monk clothes are divided into winter and summer clothes. [When I reach] his socks, looking at how they are made of coarse linen, I regret not bringing some modern cotton socks for him. While tidying up, I cannot help but smile. I am really living the happy married life: Helping him pack things up, waiting for him to come home in the evening—I am a happy young wife.
“How come sister-in-law* is up so early?”
* 嫂子 or sǎozi means elder brother’s wife, specifically; also a general term for young married women.
I look up and see Xiao Xuan coming in with a wrapped bundle. Pusysdeva is leaning against at the door looking at me. He wears my Northface backpack somewhat funnily.
My face feels a little hot hearing the words “sister-in-law”. A trace of sweetness creeps into my heart. Starting today, they are now my family. When I tell them that I will be moving to the house in Subashi City, the couple helps me pack. Xiao Xuan has brought me some clothes and there is even a bag of silver stuffed inside. Refusing is useless; I can only accept it. The backpack comes at the right time. I stuff everything inside. Xiao Xuan looks in amazement at how the big bag is able to hold everything. Pusysdeva only smiles.
The three of us leave the Cakuri Temple together. Pusysdeva carries the backpack. If he also wears a windproof jacket, he would look like a cool backpacker. We talk and laugh as we go, having a good time.
Pusysdeva, who has been walking in the front, suddenly halts. I have been listening to Xiao Xuan’s stories about Qiu Si and Yong Si* and when I look up, I also stop.
* Pusysdeva and Xiao Xuan’s sons
Several men face us. They are led by Lu Zuan, who looks at me in surprise. In a flash, Pusysdeva puts his body in front of me and Xiao Xuan.
“Greetings, little* General Lu.”
* Pusysdeva adds 小 to Lu Zuan’s title to differentiate him from his father, Lu Guang. [T/N: Adding 小 to someone’s name or title isn’t necessarily belittling (pun semi-intended). Depending on context, it can sound playful or even affectionate but in this situation, Pusysdeva is probably toeing the line between respectful and disrespectful again.]
“State Preceptor, is this woman not-”
“Little General Lu, this woman is the King’s adopted daughter, Princess Agayamati of Kucha.”
“This-State Preceptor, are you making jest of me?” Lu Zuan’s face darkens, his fierce eyes keep looking up and down at me. “This woman is a Han, she is obviously-”
“That little General Lu recognizes her is not strange. I did not inform you of the princess’ identity at the time, so that was my fault.” Pusysdeva calmly gives a small bow then loudly says, “But this truly is the princess whose title was bestowed by my king. There is even the jade pendant unique to Kuchan royalty on her. Besides…”
Pusysdeva smiles:
“My king adopting a Han woman as his daughter—is that not allowed?”
Only now do I know that this jade lion is a symbol of Kuchan royalty. It even has my [princess] name engraved at the foot. No wonder Pusysdeva once told me not to take it off.
“Then State Preceptor, that the Kuchan royal family has two princesses who are both named Asuyamati, does the State Preceptor not find that strange?”
Pusysdeva frowns in a pretense of thought, then makes a face as if he just realizes something: “Oh, little General Lu was talking about the daughter of the former king. How can the daughter of a sinner bear the title of a princess?”
He smiles slightly:
“No wonder little General Lu was mistaken. The name of our princess is Agayamati, which is in Kuchan [language]. The daughter of the former king is named Asuyamati, which is Sanskrit. Although they sound similar, the meanings of the names are completely different. Little General Lu does not understand Kuchan or Sanskrit, so it is easy to make the mistake.”
Lu Zuan’s face has turned even darker. He wants to express his anger but finds no cause to do so.
Pusysdeva calmly bows again and says, “If little General Lu does not have any other matters, this lowly self asks to leave first.”
The three of us continue on our way. For some reason, I keep feeling like there is a pair of eyes staring at my back with malicious intent. Like having a fishbone stuck in my throat, it makes me feel chilled even underneath the hot mid-September sun.
Pusysdeva brings me all the way to the residence. Before he leaves, he tries to comfort me and tells me not to be afraid. Xiao Xuan continues to keep me company and even stays for dinner, only leaving once Rajiva returns.
Rajiva’s face looks a bit tired but his spirits are intact. I am moved to learn that returning to the busy work in the temple has revitalized him. He really is a career-oriented man. I tell him to sit down and gently massage his shoulders. After, I leave to bring the warm water that Kaodura has prepared for him to wash his face. He keeps smiling happily, and his eyes keep following my figure.
I leave again to toss out the water and when I come back, I see him holding a box in his hands. I open it and find a stack of sketches inside. These sketches were the ones he drew of me back then. Having gone through twenty years’ worth of time, the corners of the paper are all worn out.
The sketch that I once coughed blood on* has turned rusty in colour, and my figure in it is blurry now. There are also some sketches I have not seen before, such as the one of me sitting under the shade of a tree, holding my head with my eyes closed, asleep; or the one of me shyly being held in his embrace. The latter was the first time we kissed. These sketches were ones he drew in the last ten years. Looking at each drawing one by one, I feel touched again and again.
* [T/N: See Ch. 34]
He stands behind me with his arms wrapped around my shoulders, looking at the drawings with me. The two of us do not say a word, necks slightly grazing against each other. I turn my head and kiss his moist lips, then give them a soft peck. He bows his head and entangles with me, moving from slow to fervent. My head spins, unable to tell directions when all of a sudden, my legs are in the air, no longer touching ground, and my body is tilting backwards.
He is carrying me to the bed.
“I…I am heavy.” My heart is thumping hard and my arms are circling his neck. I feel a little worried, afraid that he will not be able to support my weight.
“You are not heavy…”
Yet when he places me on the bed, he is panting, his eyes looking like they can melt me through.
“Rajiva ought to learn how to carry his wife. In the future, it may be useful…”
Before I can even ask him when he would need to use it, he has already covered me with his body. He gazes at me. A smile is unfurling on his face and with a blush, he whispers into my ears:
“Ai Qing, today is truly our wedding night.”
My face suddenly heats up. Perspiration pools at the tip of my nose. I want to open my mouth to say something, but a slight moan comes out instead. Hearing it, even I am shocked. When did my voice become this coy?
His light gray eyes suddenly become intense, emitting a scorching heat like a torch. His breaths are heavier and a string of kisses land everywhere, as if he wants to kiss every area of skin. The Rajiva of tonight is very different from any other time. This is the first time he is so active and full of passion. There is no hesitation or struggle, no more trace of indecisiveness or a sense of loss. He is enjoying to his heart’s content the greatest feeling of pleasure, the most beautiful moment in life that the heavens have gifted humanity. He brings me into the land of heaven, where I am unable to hold back my moans, riding waves after waves of pleasure.
The moment he calls my name when we are both about to climax, tears suddenly and involuntarily roll down my face. I have longed for this moment of connection, not only in a physical sense, but also one where our hearts are beating together, barely ten centimetres between us. I entangle him with both my arms and legs. The song “Vine winding around tree”* suddenly comes to my mind. I am the vine, and he is the tree. “Vine grows on the tree, winding around it until death / Tree grows with the vine, unbendable because of the winding.”
* [T/N: Chinese title is 《藤缠树》You may recognize this song’s title from my endnote in the previous chapter, which I said was from the 1960’s musical/musical film Liu-sanjie. I was correct then, but turns out the song in the musical was an adaptation of a Hakka folk song? Or so Baike Baidu tells me. Anyway, in this chapter, Ai Qing is actually referencing the original folk song’s lyrics, specifically the last 2 lines:
入山看到藤缠树，
出山看到树缠藤。
藤生树死缠到死，
树生藤死死也缠。
Unfortunately, this time around, I do not have the eng subs of the musical film or translation from a travel blog to help me translate the original song. The above translation is a very rough literal translation and entirely dubious, please take it with not a grain but a spoon of salt!]
I tag along with Kaodura’s wife, Adoly, around the market. It has been a long while since I get to go out, so hearing about this market has rekindled my adventurous spirit. The market in Subashi City is held every ten days, and there are farmers from nearby villages as well as merchants from Kuchan capital attending. The open air market is extremely lively. A wide array of goods is displayed. There are hand-polished copperware, handmade woodwork, woolen shawls, and exquisite-looking small knives for cutting meat… My eyes are so dazzled they turn into flowers*.
* 眼花缭乱 is a Chinese idiom (and also a common Viet expression) to describe being so dazzled that your pupils turn a little funny, which are likened to flowers—don’t ask why.
I once visited the Grand Bazaar in Kashgar when I was travelling around Xinjiang. The modern bazaar has become a farmer’s market that is open every day, all organized within a special, large and multi-storey building that is divided into grid-like blocks. Even though the market was full of people, it was not as authentic as the one I am seeing now, 1650 years into the past. I marvel and squat in front of a woman’s stall. She sells handmade embroidery. Even though the products are not as exquisite as the ones in the royal palace, the patterns are still distinctively Kuchan. I study almost every single piece and by the time Elder Sister* Adoly drags me away, I have only managed to buy three pieces.
*大嫂 or dàsǎo can also mean elder brother’s wife / sister-in-law (you may note it has the same 嫂 sǎo character as the term Xiao Xuan calls Ai Qing above, 嫂子). However, 大嫂 is also a respectful term for an older married woman, which would apply here since Adoly is not related to Ai Qing by marriage like Xiao Xuan.
“Madam*, I beg you to buy less of items you would not use, and to not look so much at ones you do not intend to buy. If continued in this manner, we will not be able to complete walking around the market before dark.”
*夫人 or fūrén is a formal form of address specifically for married women. [T/N: Not sure if there is an equivalent in Tocharian, since Adoly would be speaking in Tocharian to Ai Qing here but anyway, I digress.]
Hehe, I can understand Elder Sister Adoly’s complaint. I can barely lift the things in my hands. My occupational hazard is acting up again! In my eyes, I have come to regard all of these items as historical and cultural relics. After hearing Elder Sister Adoly’s complaint, I suddenly realize that since I am not planning to return [to my era], collecting these items is useless.
“Alright, alright, I will not spend money recklessly anymore.”
After some serious self-reflection, I quickly turn into a well-behaved child.
“That just now was very good!” Elder Sister Adoly nods in satisfaction but as soon as she turns around, she is unable to find me.
She looks around and finds that I have squatted in front of a stall selling baskets woven from [Chinese] tamarisk, examining this and that. Of course, I probably do not need to describe what Elder Sister Adoly’s expression is like right now.
Elder Sister Adoly has been busy these days because she has gained a nimble apprentice who is not ashamed to ask many questions. I have not left the house for the past week. Occasionally, Pusysdeva and his wife would come to visit me. I spend most of my time learning about the ancient lifestyle. I follow Elder Sister Adoly and learn how to cook, clean, knead dough to make noodles and naan. In my previous time jumps, my goal was always clear. There were too many things for me to research that I had no spare time left for life’s necessities,* plus there were always people waiting on me anyway. But now that I have become Rajiva’s wife, I have to learn how to keep a low-profile as much as possible. Furthermore, my desire to assimilate into the ancient lifestyle is very strong, so I am eager to learn all the knowledge and skills that a woman of this era should have. I decided to start with cooking, which is one of my best skills.
*柴米油盐 (cháimǐyóuyán) literally translates to firewood, rice, oil, and salt—a Chinese expression for life’s necessities.
Back in the 21st century, my parents were always busy with work. I have been cooking for myself since I was in high school, fumbling step-by-step, eventually becoming a pretty decent cook. I wanted to prepare a meal for Rajiva and was eager to step into the kitchen. As a result, I fiddled around in the kitchen for a whole afternoon but by the time I come out, my head and face were filthy with grime. Thankfully, Elder Sister Adoly was around, or else I would have burned the kitchen to the ground.
Someone like me, who have always been used to microwave oven, gas stove, and range hood, did not know what to do with the stove from 1650 years ago. Seeing that the pot was still not hot after a long time, I had decided to add a few pieces of firewood. The flames then became too high and I did not know how to adjust it, because there were no dial buttons like on a gas stove! The meat was burnt to crisps. When sautéing vegetables, since I was unfamiliar with the ancient coarse salt, I did not know how much to season, so the dish ended up being very salty. Only my egg drop soup was somewhat edible since I had finally learned my lessons by then, but it was still nowhere near my level in modern times. I was saddened at the realization that my so-called good cooking skills have been dependent on oil, chicken bouillon powder, and various other pre-made seasonings.
Rajiva never eats dinner. He follows the monastic rule of never eating after sundown. But that evening, he came home and found me covered in charcoal and about to throw out the dishes. He asked what happened and laughed upon hearing the story, but said that food should not be wasted. He then instructed Elder Sister Adoly to pack the food for him to bring to the temple the next day. The following evening, he returned home with an empty bowl. I was so ashamed I did not know where to hide my face. I could only hope that he would not have a stomach ache. At the same time, I secretly made up my mind to study hard on how to cook for the sake of Rajiva’s health. That was how Elder Sister Adoly gained an apprentice. To Elder Sister Adoly, the knowledge is fairly basic, but the apprentice still humbly and carefully jots down notes in her notebook.
After we finished shopping at the market, Elder Sister Adoly and I leave with our hands full of things, chatting as we walk. Upon reaching the entrance, we freeze in our tracks.
Several of Lu Guang’s soldiers were leaning against the gate. Seeing us, they stand upright.
A soft kiss falls on my lips. I open my eyes in a half-squint and see that the sky is bright outside.
“Sorry for waking you up.”
He gently pushes me back onto the pillow, “You can sleep a little longer. I will be gathering the monks for morning mantra. After we are finished, I will come back and have breakfast with you.”
He leaves wearing a monk’s robes, and when he opens the door, pale morning light shines on his tall and thin figure. His handsome, open back casts a soft circle of light on the room. The aura he exudes from his whole person is wholly unique and indescribable.
Once the door closes, I pull the blanket over my head and giggle, unable to help myself any longer. I laugh until it gets too suffocating and pull my head out.
Last night, we only held each other as we slept. Even though it was our wedding night, we are in a temple after all, so we cannot desecrate it. However, just sleeping in a hugging position like that was enough to make me dizzy with happiness.
Today is my first day as his wife. When I joined this time-travelling project, I had never thought that I would become the wife of an ancient man or someone this great—a person who possesses an inexplicably charming personality, indomitable charisma, and outstanding mental prowess.
Lost in these thoughts, a secret happiness swells up inside me. Suddenly, there is a crisp ringing of the bells outside the window and soon after, the sound of chanting in Sanskrit travels to my ears. Even though I cannot see it, I can imagine Rajiva leading the group of monks in lighting up the incense, prostrating, and then reciting the sutras. Listening to the chants, my heart instantly becomes peaceful and tranquil. Not wanting to sleep in any further, I get out of bed and begin my morning exercise in the small courtyard. I do not dare to venture out any further in fear of troubling him.
A little novice monk comes by with water. Upon seeing me, not knowing how to address me, he flushes, puts down the bucket and flees. A moment later, another novice monk brings me breakfast, stammers for a while but cannot seem to get a word out. Once I finished freshening up, I stare at the breakfast tray in a daze, musing on my strange status.
Love and aspiration are as incompatible as fire and water. Human capability is too small [to handle both]. Even if I am willing to silently stay by his side, uncaring about my status, I will still inadvertently become a thorn on the road he travels to fulfill his aspiration. In the end, it would only result in suffering and resentment, and then finally, a breakup. Thinking about this, I am secretly grateful that we are living in such a turbulent era. War brought Lu Guang here, repeatedly forcing Rajiva to marry, even though he did not have any intention of making a love match happen.
On this note, I share the same thoughts as Rajiva’s. We are willing to forgive Lu Guang no matter what cruelty he had, is, and will be doing to us. Had he not publicly forced Rajiva’s hands, the monks would not have accepted us. Breaking the precepts was an indelible mark on Rajiva’s illustrious life. His fame should have been comparable to that of Xuan Zang but because of this stain, later generations would, either intentionally or unintentionally, avoid talking about Rajiva’s contributions or judge them with a skewed eye. But Rajiva said that he does not mind. In any event, he is now a married man but is still able to stay with his monk community, and still be able to follow his aspiration in promoting the words of Buddha. He is more than satisfied with this.
“What are you in a daze about?”
Seeing him enter the room, I smile brightly in greeting and close my diary. We then have breakfast together. It feels like a return to the peaceful days of being under the house arrest, where no one bothered us and we could simply be, where we could enjoy meals together, occasionally looking up to smile at each other.
“Rajiva, I want to move to your house in Subashi today.”
He looks at me and nods, “All right.” Picking up another piece of naan, he continues: “Masavu and his wife have left for Tian Zhu* with their son, who will be taking care of them, so now Kaodura and his wife are looking after the house.”
* India
Recalling that Kaodura is his coachman, I nod.
“I will leave after breakfast.”
“Ai Qing…”
A hand reaches mine under the table.
“You must have felt wronged, staying here.”
I smile and clasp our fingers together.
“We are now husband and wife, must we still be so formal with each other?”
He has to leave right after breakfast.
“Because of the chaos of war and the fact that I was detained, the temple has turned into disarray and many monks have fled. Now that I have returned, I must restore the order as soon as possible.”
He gives me a guilty look, “So the coming days will be very busy.”
“It’s all right, you go and do your job.”
Seeing that he is about to step out, I quickly pull him back by his arm, stand on my tiptoes, and give him a peck on the lips.
He stares at me in a daze, then with a smile at the corner of his eyes, he says: “Ai Qing, please pack my clothes and belongings also.”
He puts an arm around my waist and whispers into my ear, “I will come back after the evening chant.”
My face reddens inexplicably.
I organize my belongings. I do not have many things; most are his. His monk clothes are divided into winter and summer clothes. [When I reach] his socks, looking at how they are made of coarse linen, I regret not bringing some modern cotton socks for him. While tidying up, I cannot help but smile. I am really living the happy married life: Helping him pack things up, waiting for him to come home in the evening—I am a happy young wife.
“How come sister-in-law* is up so early?”
* 嫂子 or sǎozi means elder brother’s wife, specifically; also a general term for young married women.
I look up and see Xiao Xuan coming in with a wrapped bundle. Pusysdeva is leaning against at the door looking at me. He wears my Northface backpack somewhat funnily.
My face feels a little hot hearing the words “sister-in-law”. A trace of sweetness creeps into my heart. Starting today, they are now my family. When I tell them that I will be moving to the house in Subashi City, the couple helps me pack. Xiao Xuan has brought me some clothes and there is even a bag of silver stuffed inside. Refusing is useless; I can only accept it. The backpack comes at the right time. I stuff everything inside. Xiao Xuan looks in amazement at how the big bag is able to hold everything. Pusysdeva only smiles.
The three of us leave the Cakuri Temple together. Pusysdeva carries the backpack. If he also wears a windproof jacket, he would look like a cool backpacker. We talk and laugh as we go, having a good time.
Pusysdeva, who has been walking in the front, suddenly halts. I have been listening to Xiao Xuan’s stories about Qiu Si and Yong Si* and when I look up, I also stop.
* Pusysdeva and Xiao Xuan’s sons
Several men face us. They are led by Lu Zuan, who looks at me in surprise. In a flash, Pusysdeva puts his body in front of me and Xiao Xuan.
“Greetings, little* General Lu.”
* Pusysdeva adds 小 to Lu Zuan’s title to differentiate him from his father, Lu Guang. [T/N: Adding 小 to someone’s name or title isn’t necessarily belittling (pun semi-intended). Depending on context, it can sound playful or even affectionate but in this situation, Pusysdeva is probably toeing the line between respectful and disrespectful again.]
“State Preceptor, is this woman not-”
“Little General Lu, this woman is the King’s adopted daughter, Princess Agayamati of Kucha.”
“This-State Preceptor, are you making jest of me?” Lu Zuan’s face darkens, his fierce eyes keep looking up and down at me. “This woman is a Han, she is obviously-”
“That little General Lu recognizes her is not strange. I did not inform you of the princess’ identity at the time, so that was my fault.” Pusysdeva calmly gives a small bow then loudly says, “But this truly is the princess whose title was bestowed by my king. There is even the jade pendant unique to Kuchan royalty on her. Besides…”
Pusysdeva smiles:
“My king adopting a Han woman as his daughter—is that not allowed?”
Only now do I know that this jade lion is a symbol of Kuchan royalty. It even has my [princess] name engraved at the foot. No wonder Pusysdeva once told me not to take it off.
“Then State Preceptor, that the Kuchan royal family has two princesses who are both named Asuyamati, does the State Preceptor not find that strange?”
Pusysdeva frowns in a pretense of thought, then makes a face as if he just realizes something: “Oh, little General Lu was talking about the daughter of the former king. How can the daughter of a sinner bear the title of a princess?”
He smiles slightly:
“No wonder little General Lu was mistaken. The name of our princess is Agayamati, which is in Kuchan [language]. The daughter of the former king is named Asuyamati, which is Sanskrit. Although they sound similar, the meanings of the names are completely different. Little General Lu does not understand Kuchan or Sanskrit, so it is easy to make the mistake.”
Lu Zuan’s face has turned even darker. He wants to express his anger but finds no cause to do so.
Pusysdeva calmly bows again and says, “If little General Lu does not have any other matters, this lowly self asks to leave first.”
The three of us continue on our way. For some reason, I keep feeling like there is a pair of eyes staring at my back with malicious intent. Like having a fishbone stuck in my throat, it makes me feel chilled even underneath the hot mid-September sun.
Pusysdeva brings me all the way to the residence. Before he leaves, he tries to comfort me and tells me not to be afraid. Xiao Xuan continues to keep me company and even stays for dinner, only leaving once Rajiva returns.
Rajiva’s face looks a bit tired but his spirits are intact. I am moved to learn that returning to the busy work in the temple has revitalized him. He really is a career-oriented man. I tell him to sit down and gently massage his shoulders. After, I leave to bring the warm water that Kaodura has prepared for him to wash his face. He keeps smiling happily, and his eyes keep following my figure.
I leave again to toss out the water and when I come back, I see him holding a box in his hands. I open it and find a stack of sketches inside. These sketches were the ones he drew of me back then. Having gone through twenty years’ worth of time, the corners of the paper are all worn out.
The sketch that I once coughed blood on* has turned rusty in colour, and my figure in it is blurry now. There are also some sketches I have not seen before, such as the one of me sitting under the shade of a tree, holding my head with my eyes closed, asleep; or the one of me shyly being held in his embrace. The latter was the first time we kissed. These sketches were ones he drew in the last ten years. Looking at each drawing one by one, I feel touched again and again.
* [T/N: See Ch. 34]
He stands behind me with his arms wrapped around my shoulders, looking at the drawings with me. The two of us do not say a word, necks slightly grazing against each other. I turn my head and kiss his moist lips, then give them a soft peck. He bows his head and entangles with me, moving from slow to fervent. My head spins, unable to tell directions when all of a sudden, my legs are in the air, no longer touching ground, and my body is tilting backwards.
He is carrying me to the bed.
“I…I am heavy.” My heart is thumping hard and my arms are circling his neck. I feel a little worried, afraid that he will not be able to support my weight.
“You are not heavy…”
Yet when he places me on the bed, he is panting, his eyes looking like they can melt me through.
“Rajiva ought to learn how to carry his wife. In the future, it may be useful…”
Before I can even ask him when he would need to use it, he has already covered me with his body. He gazes at me. A smile is unfurling on his face and with a blush, he whispers into my ears:
“Ai Qing, today is truly our wedding night.”
My face suddenly heats up. Perspiration pools at the tip of my nose. I want to open my mouth to say something, but a slight moan comes out instead. Hearing it, even I am shocked. When did my voice become this coy?
His light gray eyes suddenly become intense, emitting a scorching heat like a torch. His breaths are heavier and a string of kisses land everywhere, as if he wants to kiss every area of skin. The Rajiva of tonight is very different from any other time. This is the first time he is so active and full of passion. There is no hesitation or struggle, no more trace of indecisiveness or a sense of loss. He is enjoying to his heart’s content the greatest feeling of pleasure, the most beautiful moment in life that the heavens have gifted humanity. He brings me into the land of heaven, where I am unable to hold back my moans, riding waves after waves of pleasure.
The moment he calls my name when we are both about to climax, tears suddenly and involuntarily roll down my face. I have longed for this moment of connection, not only in a physical sense, but also one where our hearts are beating together, barely ten centimetres between us. I entangle him with both my arms and legs. The song “Vine winding around tree”* suddenly comes to my mind. I am the vine, and he is the tree. “Vine grows on the tree, winding around it until death / Tree grows with the vine, unbendable because of the winding.”
* [T/N: Chinese title is 《藤缠树》You may recognize this song’s title from my endnote in the previous chapter, which I said was from the 1960’s musical/musical film Liu-sanjie. I was correct then, but turns out the song in the musical was an adaptation of a Hakka folk song? Or so Baike Baidu tells me. Anyway, in this chapter, Ai Qing is actually referencing the original folk song’s lyrics, specifically the last 2 lines:
入山看到藤缠树，
出山看到树缠藤。
藤生树死缠到死，
树生藤死死也缠。
Unfortunately, this time around, I do not have the eng subs of the musical film or translation from a travel blog to help me translate the original song. The above translation is a very rough literal translation and entirely dubious, please take it with not a grain but a spoon of salt!]
I tag along with Kaodura’s wife, Adoly, around the market. It has been a long while since I get to go out, so hearing about this market has rekindled my adventurous spirit. The market in Subashi City is held every ten days, and there are farmers from nearby villages as well as merchants from Kuchan capital attending. The open air market is extremely lively. A wide array of goods is displayed. There are hand-polished copperware, handmade woodwork, woolen shawls, and exquisite-looking small knives for cutting meat… My eyes are so dazzled they turn into flowers*.
* 眼花缭乱 is a Chinese idiom (and also a common Viet expression) to describe being so dazzled that your pupils turn a little funny, which are likened to flowers—don’t ask why.
I once visited the Grand Bazaar in Kashgar when I was travelling around Xinjiang. The modern bazaar has become a farmer’s market that is open every day, all organized within a special, large and multi-storey building that is divided into grid-like blocks. Even though the market was full of people, it was not as authentic as the one I am seeing now, 1650 years into the past. I marvel and squat in front of a woman’s stall. She sells handmade embroidery. Even though the products are not as exquisite as the ones in the royal palace, the patterns are still distinctively Kuchan. I study almost every single piece and by the time Elder Sister* Adoly drags me away, I have only managed to buy three pieces.
*大嫂 or dàsǎo can also mean elder brother’s wife / sister-in-law (you may note it has the same 嫂 sǎo character as the term Xiao Xuan calls Ai Qing above, 嫂子). However, 大嫂 is also a respectful term for an older married woman, which would apply here since Adoly is not related to Ai Qing by marriage like Xiao Xuan.
“Madam*, I beg you to buy less of items you would not use, and to not look so much at ones you do not intend to buy. If continued in this manner, we will not be able to complete walking around the market before dark.”
*夫人 or fūrén is a formal form of address specifically for married women. [T/N: Not sure if there is an equivalent in Tocharian, since Adoly would be speaking in Tocharian to Ai Qing here but anyway, I digress.]
Hehe, I can understand Elder Sister Adoly’s complaint. I can barely lift the things in my hands. My occupational hazard is acting up again! In my eyes, I have come to regard all of these items as historical and cultural relics. After hearing Elder Sister Adoly’s complaint, I suddenly realize that since I am not planning to return [to my era], collecting these items is useless.
“Alright, alright, I will not spend money recklessly anymore.”
After some serious self-reflection, I quickly turn into a well-behaved child.
“That just now was very good!” Elder Sister Adoly nods in satisfaction but as soon as she turns around, she is unable to find me.
She looks around and finds that I have squatted in front of a stall selling baskets woven from [Chinese] tamarisk, examining this and that. Of course, I probably do not need to describe what Elder Sister Adoly’s expression is like right now.
Elder Sister Adoly has been busy these days because she has gained a nimble apprentice who is not ashamed to ask many questions. I have not left the house for the past week. Occasionally, Pusysdeva and his wife would come to visit me. I spend most of my time learning about the ancient lifestyle. I follow Elder Sister Adoly and learn how to cook, clean, knead dough to make noodles and naan. In my previous time jumps, my goal was always clear. There were too many things for me to research that I had no spare time left for life’s necessities,* plus there were always people waiting on me anyway. But now that I have become Rajiva’s wife, I have to learn how to keep a low-profile as much as possible. Furthermore, my desire to assimilate into the ancient lifestyle is very strong, so I am eager to learn all the knowledge and skills that a woman of this era should have. I decided to start with cooking, which is one of my best skills.
*柴米油盐 (cháimǐyóuyán) literally translates to firewood, rice, oil, and salt—a Chinese expression for life’s necessities.
Back in the 21st century, my parents were always busy with work. I have been cooking for myself since I was in high school, fumbling step-by-step, eventually becoming a pretty decent cook. I wanted to prepare a meal for Rajiva and was eager to step into the kitchen. As a result, I fiddled around in the kitchen for a whole afternoon but by the time I come out, my head and face were filthy with grime. Thankfully, Elder Sister Adoly was around, or else I would have burned the kitchen to the ground.
Someone like me, who have always been used to microwave oven, gas stove, and range hood, did not know what to do with the stove from 1650 years ago. Seeing that the pot was still not hot after a long time, I had decided to add a few pieces of firewood. The flames then became too high and I did not know how to adjust it, because there were no dial buttons like on a gas stove! The meat was burnt to crisps. When sautéing vegetables, since I was unfamiliar with the ancient coarse salt, I did not know how much to season, so the dish ended up being very salty. Only my egg drop soup was somewhat edible since I had finally learned my lessons by then, but it was still nowhere near my level in modern times. I was saddened at the realization that my so-called good cooking skills have been dependent on oil, chicken bouillon powder, and various other pre-made seasonings.
Rajiva never eats dinner. He follows the monastic rule of never eating after sundown. But that evening, he came home and found me covered in charcoal and about to throw out the dishes. He asked what happened and laughed upon hearing the story, but said that food should not be wasted. He then instructed Elder Sister Adoly to pack the food for him to bring to the temple the next day. The following evening, he returned home with an empty bowl. I was so ashamed I did not know where to hide my face. I could only hope that he would not have a stomach ache. At the same time, I secretly made up my mind to study hard on how to cook for the sake of Rajiva’s health. That was how Elder Sister Adoly gained an apprentice. To Elder Sister Adoly, the knowledge is fairly basic, but the apprentice still humbly and carefully jots down notes in her notebook.
After we finished shopping at the market, Elder Sister Adoly and I leave with our hands full of things, chatting as we walk. Upon reaching the entrance, we freeze in our tracks.
Several of Lu Guang’s soldiers were leaning against the gate. Seeing us, they stand upright.
