Outside was the dry and cold border. In the severe winter, even wearing cotton-padded coats and sheepskins couldn’t keep toes from freezing.
Flames hissed and popped in the brazier burning in the room, but it could still make people cringe from the cold when leaving the bed.
An Xie sat on the edge of the bed, his upper body bare, revealing a strong body covered with various irregular scars, some long and some short, white, scattered haphazardly across his young frame.
His muscles were well-defined from the lower belly to the chest, his shoulder blades protruding on his back. In addition to a scar from a cut, there were numerous messy, fresh bloodstains, which were shallow.
AD
From the angle of view, it looked as if his back had been scratched out by someone’s nails in a fit of uncontrollable passion.
In fact, that was exactly the case.
An Xie’s handsome face was calm. He bit a piece of jerky in his mouth but didn’t eat it. He just held it, his back to the bed, lost in thought.
As for the scars on his body, they were nothing to him. Every time he did it with Ah Jin was like this. Ah Jin was wild, bloody wild…
An Xie tried to be gentle, but Ah Jin would set him off, ending up in a bed covered in blood every time. When Ah Jin couldn’t fight anymore, only then would he behave.
To be honest, he couldn’t understand what Ah Jin really wanted.
In An Xie’s eyes, Ah Jin had long ceased to be his servant and had become his close friend instead. Ah Jin had been with him since childhood, taking the blame for his trouble making, rushing to the forefront during fights, and standing up for him when An Xie misbehaved in school and got scolded by the teacher.
The teacher asked him why he stood up for An Xie.
Ah Jin said, “He is my master. When the master is humiliated, the servant must die. I can’t just stand by and watch you scold my master, no matter who you are.”
AD
From that moment on, Ah Jin was praised by An Xie’s teacher for his loyalty.
Loyalty was something more precious than humanity in that era.
When An Xie’s grandfather heard about this, he burned Ah Jin’s indenture contract and the indenture contracts of Ah Jin’s parents.
“From today, you are not a servant. You are his right-hand man, do you understand?”
Ah Jin kowtowed, and from that day on, he treated An Xie even better.
Envious people ridiculed: “Young Master An has a good dog.”
The people close to him praised, “An Xie, this guy, has someone following him at such a young age. He truly lives up to being the descendant of Duke Qing!”
In the end, the focus was still on An Xie. No one cared about a commoner. In the eyes of the nobility, commoners were nothing more than serfs, lower even than the beloved pet dogs they kept at home. Anything and everything that the plebeians did for the nobility was only natural.
Ah Jin himself also thought so.
But An Xie didn’t see it that way. He said to Ah Jin, “You are my brother, and you are more trustworthy than my friends from those noble families.”
He was just speaking the truth.
But his sincere friendship made Ah Jin begin to entertain other thoughts.
At first, An Xie accepted Ah Jin out of pity.
Seeing Ah Jin’s swollen face, hearing him belittle his own feelings as worthless, and even forcing a smile, pained An Xie deeply.
Ah Jin was his good brother.
Especially when Ah Jin confessed to having those feelings for a long time, and An Xie saw the scars on Ah Jin’s arms during their scuffles.
An Xie thought of his own infatuation with the Third Prince.
And the growing realization of deceit.
An Xie relented…
He embraced Ah Jin.
He gave Ah Jin, this fish that wanted to be done to death, the last remaining tenderness and affection he had.
While most young nobles married the friends from other aristocratic families they had played together with by the age of twelve or thirteen and had a bunch of children by seventeen or eighteen, An Xie remained faithful to the Third Prince.
An Xie was a sincere person. He was willing to endure hardships by himself, be faithful to the one he loved, and to give his best to the one he loved the most, making them happy and satisfied.
He was obstinate, and once he made a decision, he stuck to it.
Even if it's a south wall, he had to hit it!
But every time he got close, Third Prince Chengjing’s avoidance and resistance upset An Xie.
Afterward, Ah Jin’s collapse and helplessness, as if the person he wanted was forever out of reach, reminded An Xie of himself.
If it happened once, it'll happen again.
He embraced Ah Jin many times.
An Xie sometimes felt like a fucking bastard. He wanted to be with Chengjing, but he couldn’t get him, so he looked for Ah Jin. What’s the difference between this and a bastard?
When he was younger, An Xie also read those books about romantic relationships while blushing.
They wrote that when you are with the one you love, even a look in their eyes feels like walking on clouds, flying up towards heaven like an immortal…
But when he was with Chengjing, it was only cautiousness and silence after being pushed away. When he was with Ah Jin, Ah Jin always made him angry and let him vent.
Ah Jin did it on purpose.
He had his own little agenda.
An Xie knew, but his heart felt warm.
If only it had been Ah Jin from the beginning…
The jerky in his mouth was bitten off. As soon as this thought crossed An Xie’s mind, he crushed it himself. His eyes were dark as he continued to chew.
The blanket behind him bulged into a large lump, stirring slightly.
After a while, an arm covered in scars reached out from the blanket and wrapped around An Xie’s waist.
The warm cheek rubbed against his waist, and Ah Jin kissed An Xie’s lower back. His black hair was messy and spread across his face and the bed, and the blanket slipped down a bit, revealing his smooth and thin shoulder.
There was drool all over An Xie’s waist. He glanced sideways at Ah Jin and then pulled the blanket to cover Ah Jin’s shoulder.
An Xie said, “Are you a dog? Chewing on bones to grind your teeth.”
Ah Jin laughed softly.
“Feel yourself to see if my back is all messed up. You’re so wild every time, you rub the whole bed in blood. The servants doing laundry must think their general is a woman dressed as a man and has her period!” An Xie frowned, turning his head to ask.
Ah Jin still laughed softly, remaining silent.
“I’ll apply medicine for you…”
An Xie paused for a moment, then continued, “It’s the last time.”
He didn’t specify what the “last time” meant, but even a fool could figure it out.
Ah Jin stopped laughing.
He raised his head dazedly, his double eyelids swollen like walnuts. An Xie saw this and reached out with his rough hand to massage Ah Jin’s eyes. Ah Jin’s eyelids were particularly prone to swelling; if he didn’t sleep well, drank too much water, or cried, the next day his eyes would swell like he’d been stung by a bee.
“Why…”
Ah Jin asked, trembling.
An Xie chewed up the jerky and swallowed it, his expression indifferent. “I’ve thought about it. I’ve already stumbled badly with Chengjing, and I don’t want you to end up like me. I’m stubborn and don’t want to give up just like that. I don’t know how long I’ll delay. I’ll delay with him, and that will waste your time, which is not acceptable.”
“You can still settle down, maybe find someone reliable, someone you can get along with. If he disappoints you, you can beat him up. If you choose me and I disappoint you, you won’t be able to beat me.”
“If you can beat me, just go ahead and kill me, then bury me with you.”
Ah Jin’s mouth trembled, and he fiercely hugged An Xie’s waist, burying his face in the scarred skin.
An Xie turned his head to look at the brazier, lowered his eyes, and continued, “I’m not a good person. I blow hot and cold, eating from the pot while looking into the basin.”
“An Xie, don’t talk about yourself like that, I beg you…”
Ah Jin was crying.
An Xie’s heart felt like it had been doused with molten iron.
“Today is the last time, I’m serious.”
“In a moment, I’ll go and bring you food. After you finish eating today, you don’t need to go to the front anymore. Rest for a day, and don’t come back again.” An Xie stood up as he finished speaking, ready to leave.
Ah Jin grabbed him and shouted, “No! I don’t agree! You’re stubborn, so I won’t be?! I don’t want anything…I don’t want it! Is that still not okay?!”
“You may not want it, but I should give it.” An Xie pointed to himself. “I’m a man. I fucking slept with you, so I should give it to you, but I fucking can’t give it to you. Do you understand?!”
In An Xie’s heart, he was more tormented and troubled than anyone else. He had been obsessed with Third Prince An Chengjing since he was a brat, but he should treat Ah Jin well.
But he was not worthy. He carried someone else in his heart and wasn’t worthy of pursuing Ah Jin. Even if he stopped thinking about Third Prince Chengjing, if Chengjing were to give in to him one day, An Xie feared he would become soft-hearted and waver, so he felt unworthy.
Feelings should be clean and whole, entrusted entirely to the person one loves.
Ah Jin needed someone who would wholeheartedly and sincerely care for him.
Not someone like him, who was ‘remarrying.’
This man was so stubborn.
Ah Jin knew better than anyone.
“I can’t compete with him…” Ah Jin’s eyes were bloodshot as he hoarsely asked An Xie, “Can’t you just give up on that fake loving An Chengjing! He’s become the emperor, he will never come looking for you! An Xie, you stubborn head!”
You’re not competing, just…
An Xie silently thought in his heart: make a clean break.
So he pushed Ah Jin away, grabbed some clothes from the nearby rack, and in the bitterly cold weather, casually wrapped himself in them, then lifted the thick door curtain and walked out.
Ah Jin, wrapped in a blanket, tore a hole in it.
“You sonofabitch!”
“An Xie, you sonofabitch—!”
At the door, the face of the “sonofabitch” turned frosty as he listened to the commotion inside. When passing servants saw the look on their general’s face, they almost peed their pants, but An Xie gave them a glance that sent them scurrying away.
An Xie had thought that after he said this, Ah Jin would be downcast for a couple of days, but unexpectedly, Ah Jin got into a confrontation with him.
On a certain day.
In the border military camp, several high-ranking military officers sitting behind a low table exchanged glances.
Watching their commanding general and deputy general quarrel, or more accurately, their deputy general, Dai Jin, unilaterally quarreling with their commanding general, and seeing how General An, who usually would take people out to drill alone at the slightest disagreement, was sitting there like a gourd with a sawed-off mouth, not saying a word, with no reaction even when given a cold face, just sitting there while being rebuked by the deputy general…
This bunch of people all looked pitiful.
Knowing that General An and Deputy General Dai Jin were good brothers, no one dared to stand up and interject, lest they offend either side.
“Both sides here are surrounded by mountains. While a surprise attack would be good, no one can guarantee that we won’t encounter an ambush on the way here. Although there have been enemy sightings in this area before, there’s been no recent activity. Who can guarantee that our troops will definitely encounter them? Who can guarantee that they are definitely stationed on the mountain?”
Ah Jin, wearing golden armor, gripped the hilt of his scimitar at his waist with one hand and pointed to the map hanging on the rack with the other. With his armored finger, he circled several places and then looked at An Xie, who remained silent.
“These three places are all vulnerable to counter attacks. If the information is true, we can launch a surprise attack. But our forces haven’t been mobilized yet. There are only about twenty to thirty thousand troops in the city, and ten thousand of them are needed for defense. The enemy forces are more than twice our number. It’ll be good if the sneak attack succeeds. But if it fails, then we are just a cash cow delivering ourselves to their door! An Xie, don’t you understand this? Don’t you have a brain?”
Ah Jin grew angrier as he spoke, and finally even directly addressed An Xie by his full name, showing a lack of respect.
The other high-ranking military officers turned away their heads in embarrassment, pretending they hadn’t heard.
An Xie said in a low voice, “This is the intelligence we received. The Emperor has also issued a death order, commanding me to lead the troops in a surprise attack.”
Ah Jin exploded, his handsome face so sharp that it could cut people!
“The Emperor sits high above, does his intelligence surpass that of us, who live on the border all year round?! How can he be sure that there are enemies stationed there? And he has issued a death order insisting you lead the troops… He doesn’t know a damn thing!”
As soon as he said this, everyone was shocked.
An Xie’s expression worsened, and he shouted at Ah Jin, “Shut up! Dai Jin, that’s His Majesty the Emperor you’re talking about. Do you want to be beheaded?”
Ah Jin wheezed and panted, “Am I fucking wrong? He’s up to no good! He won’t send us reinforcements, and he’s also dragging his feet on army provisions, damn it! Yet he still wants you to lead such a small number of troops to such a dangerous place! He wants you dead! That dog of an Emperor wants to put away the good bow when the flying bird is used up—”
“Slap—”
Outside was the dry and cold border. In the severe winter, even wearing cotton-padded coats and sheepskins couldn’t keep toes from freezing.
Flames hissed and popped in the brazier burning in the room, but it could still make people cringe from the cold when leaving the bed.
An Xie sat on the edge of the bed, his upper body bare, revealing a strong body covered with various irregular scars, some long and some short, white, scattered haphazardly across his young frame.
His muscles were well-defined from the lower belly to the chest, his shoulder blades protruding on his back. In addition to a scar from a cut, there were numerous messy, fresh bloodstains, which were shallow.
AD
From the angle of view, it looked as if his back had been scratched out by someone’s nails in a fit of uncontrollable passion.
In fact, that was exactly the case.
An Xie’s handsome face was calm. He bit a piece of jerky in his mouth but didn’t eat it. He just held it, his back to the bed, lost in thought.
As for the scars on his body, they were nothing to him. Every time he did it with Ah Jin was like this. Ah Jin was wild, bloody wild…
An Xie tried to be gentle, but Ah Jin would set him off, ending up in a bed covered in blood every time. When Ah Jin couldn’t fight anymore, only then would he behave.
To be honest, he couldn’t understand what Ah Jin really wanted.
In An Xie’s eyes, Ah Jin had long ceased to be his servant and had become his close friend instead. Ah Jin had been with him since childhood, taking the blame for his trouble making, rushing to the forefront during fights, and standing up for him when An Xie misbehaved in school and got scolded by the teacher.
The teacher asked him why he stood up for An Xie.
Ah Jin said, “He is my master. When the master is humiliated, the servant must die. I can’t just stand by and watch you scold my master, no matter who you are.”
AD
From that moment on, Ah Jin was praised by An Xie’s teacher for his loyalty.
Loyalty was something more precious than humanity in that era.
When An Xie’s grandfather heard about this, he burned Ah Jin’s indenture contract and the indenture contracts of Ah Jin’s parents.
“From today, you are not a servant. You are his right-hand man, do you understand?”
Ah Jin kowtowed, and from that day on, he treated An Xie even better.
Envious people ridiculed: “Young Master An has a good dog.”
The people close to him praised, “An Xie, this guy, has someone following him at such a young age. He truly lives up to being the descendant of Duke Qing!”
In the end, the focus was still on An Xie. No one cared about a commoner. In the eyes of the nobility, commoners were nothing more than serfs, lower even than the beloved pet dogs they kept at home. Anything and everything that the plebeians did for the nobility was only natural.
Ah Jin himself also thought so.
But An Xie didn’t see it that way. He said to Ah Jin, “You are my brother, and you are more trustworthy than my friends from those noble families.”
He was just speaking the truth.
But his sincere friendship made Ah Jin begin to entertain other thoughts.
At first, An Xie accepted Ah Jin out of pity.
Seeing Ah Jin’s swollen face, hearing him belittle his own feelings as worthless, and even forcing a smile, pained An Xie deeply.
Ah Jin was his good brother.
Especially when Ah Jin confessed to having those feelings for a long time, and An Xie saw the scars on Ah Jin’s arms during their scuffles.
An Xie thought of his own infatuation with the Third Prince.
And the growing realization of deceit.
An Xie relented…
He embraced Ah Jin.
He gave Ah Jin, this fish that wanted to be done to death, the last remaining tenderness and affection he had.
While most young nobles married the friends from other aristocratic families they had played together with by the age of twelve or thirteen and had a bunch of children by seventeen or eighteen, An Xie remained faithful to the Third Prince.
An Xie was a sincere person. He was willing to endure hardships by himself, be faithful to the one he loved, and to give his best to the one he loved the most, making them happy and satisfied.
He was obstinate, and once he made a decision, he stuck to it.
Even if it's a south wall, he had to hit it!
But every time he got close, Third Prince Chengjing’s avoidance and resistance upset An Xie.
Afterward, Ah Jin’s collapse and helplessness, as if the person he wanted was forever out of reach, reminded An Xie of himself.
If it happened once, it'll happen again.
He embraced Ah Jin many times.
An Xie sometimes felt like a fucking bastard. He wanted to be with Chengjing, but he couldn’t get him, so he looked for Ah Jin. What’s the difference between this and a bastard?
When he was younger, An Xie also read those books about romantic relationships while blushing.
They wrote that when you are with the one you love, even a look in their eyes feels like walking on clouds, flying up towards heaven like an immortal…
But when he was with Chengjing, it was only cautiousness and silence after being pushed away. When he was with Ah Jin, Ah Jin always made him angry and let him vent.
Ah Jin did it on purpose.
He had his own little agenda.
An Xie knew, but his heart felt warm.
If only it had been Ah Jin from the beginning…
The jerky in his mouth was bitten off. As soon as this thought crossed An Xie’s mind, he crushed it himself. His eyes were dark as he continued to chew.
The blanket behind him bulged into a large lump, stirring slightly.
After a while, an arm covered in scars reached out from the blanket and wrapped around An Xie’s waist.
The warm cheek rubbed against his waist, and Ah Jin kissed An Xie’s lower back. His black hair was messy and spread across his face and the bed, and the blanket slipped down a bit, revealing his smooth and thin shoulder.
There was drool all over An Xie’s waist. He glanced sideways at Ah Jin and then pulled the blanket to cover Ah Jin’s shoulder.
An Xie said, “Are you a dog? Chewing on bones to grind your teeth.”
Ah Jin laughed softly.
“Feel yourself to see if my back is all messed up. You’re so wild every time, you rub the whole bed in blood. The servants doing laundry must think their general is a woman dressed as a man and has her period!” An Xie frowned, turning his head to ask.
Ah Jin still laughed softly, remaining silent.
“I’ll apply medicine for you…”
An Xie paused for a moment, then continued, “It’s the last time.”
He didn’t specify what the “last time” meant, but even a fool could figure it out.
Ah Jin stopped laughing.
He raised his head dazedly, his double eyelids swollen like walnuts. An Xie saw this and reached out with his rough hand to massage Ah Jin’s eyes. Ah Jin’s eyelids were particularly prone to swelling; if he didn’t sleep well, drank too much water, or cried, the next day his eyes would swell like he’d been stung by a bee.
“Why…”
Ah Jin asked, trembling.
An Xie chewed up the jerky and swallowed it, his expression indifferent. “I’ve thought about it. I’ve already stumbled badly with Chengjing, and I don’t want you to end up like me. I’m stubborn and don’t want to give up just like that. I don’t know how long I’ll delay. I’ll delay with him, and that will waste your time, which is not acceptable.”
“You can still settle down, maybe find someone reliable, someone you can get along with. If he disappoints you, you can beat him up. If you choose me and I disappoint you, you won’t be able to beat me.”
“If you can beat me, just go ahead and kill me, then bury me with you.”
Ah Jin’s mouth trembled, and he fiercely hugged An Xie’s waist, burying his face in the scarred skin.
An Xie turned his head to look at the brazier, lowered his eyes, and continued, “I’m not a good person. I blow hot and cold, eating from the pot while looking into the basin.”
“An Xie, don’t talk about yourself like that, I beg you…”
Ah Jin was crying.
An Xie’s heart felt like it had been doused with molten iron.
“Today is the last time, I’m serious.”
“In a moment, I’ll go and bring you food. After you finish eating today, you don’t need to go to the front anymore. Rest for a day, and don’t come back again.” An Xie stood up as he finished speaking, ready to leave.
Ah Jin grabbed him and shouted, “No! I don’t agree! You’re stubborn, so I won’t be?! I don’t want anything…I don’t want it! Is that still not okay?!”
“You may not want it, but I should give it.” An Xie pointed to himself. “I’m a man. I fucking slept with you, so I should give it to you, but I fucking can’t give it to you. Do you understand?!”
In An Xie’s heart, he was more tormented and troubled than anyone else. He had been obsessed with Third Prince An Chengjing since he was a brat, but he should treat Ah Jin well.
But he was not worthy. He carried someone else in his heart and wasn’t worthy of pursuing Ah Jin. Even if he stopped thinking about Third Prince Chengjing, if Chengjing were to give in to him one day, An Xie feared he would become soft-hearted and waver, so he felt unworthy.
Feelings should be clean and whole, entrusted entirely to the person one loves.
Ah Jin needed someone who would wholeheartedly and sincerely care for him.
Not someone like him, who was ‘remarrying.’
This man was so stubborn.
Ah Jin knew better than anyone.
“I can’t compete with him…” Ah Jin’s eyes were bloodshot as he hoarsely asked An Xie, “Can’t you just give up on that fake loving An Chengjing! He’s become the emperor, he will never come looking for you! An Xie, you stubborn head!”
You’re not competing, just…
An Xie silently thought in his heart: make a clean break.
So he pushed Ah Jin away, grabbed some clothes from the nearby rack, and in the bitterly cold weather, casually wrapped himself in them, then lifted the thick door curtain and walked out.
Ah Jin, wrapped in a blanket, tore a hole in it.
“You sonofabitch!”
“An Xie, you sonofabitch—!”
At the door, the face of the “sonofabitch” turned frosty as he listened to the commotion inside. When passing servants saw the look on their general’s face, they almost peed their pants, but An Xie gave them a glance that sent them scurrying away.
An Xie had thought that after he said this, Ah Jin would be downcast for a couple of days, but unexpectedly, Ah Jin got into a confrontation with him.
On a certain day.
In the border military camp, several high-ranking military officers sitting behind a low table exchanged glances.
Watching their commanding general and deputy general quarrel, or more accurately, their deputy general, Dai Jin, unilaterally quarreling with their commanding general, and seeing how General An, who usually would take people out to drill alone at the slightest disagreement, was sitting there like a gourd with a sawed-off mouth, not saying a word, with no reaction even when given a cold face, just sitting there while being rebuked by the deputy general…
This bunch of people all looked pitiful.
Knowing that General An and Deputy General Dai Jin were good brothers, no one dared to stand up and interject, lest they offend either side.
“Both sides here are surrounded by mountains. While a surprise attack would be good, no one can guarantee that we won’t encounter an ambush on the way here. Although there have been enemy sightings in this area before, there’s been no recent activity. Who can guarantee that our troops will definitely encounter them? Who can guarantee that they are definitely stationed on the mountain?”
Ah Jin, wearing golden armor, gripped the hilt of his scimitar at his waist with one hand and pointed to the map hanging on the rack with the other. With his armored finger, he circled several places and then looked at An Xie, who remained silent.
“These three places are all vulnerable to counter attacks. If the information is true, we can launch a surprise attack. But our forces haven’t been mobilized yet. There are only about twenty to thirty thousand troops in the city, and ten thousand of them are needed for defense. The enemy forces are more than twice our number. It’ll be good if the sneak attack succeeds. But if it fails, then we are just a cash cow delivering ourselves to their door! An Xie, don’t you understand this? Don’t you have a brain?”
Ah Jin grew angrier as he spoke, and finally even directly addressed An Xie by his full name, showing a lack of respect.
The other high-ranking military officers turned away their heads in embarrassment, pretending they hadn’t heard.
An Xie said in a low voice, “This is the intelligence we received. The Emperor has also issued a death order, commanding me to lead the troops in a surprise attack.”
Ah Jin exploded, his handsome face so sharp that it could cut people!
“The Emperor sits high above, does his intelligence surpass that of us, who live on the border all year round?! How can he be sure that there are enemies stationed there? And he has issued a death order insisting you lead the troops… He doesn’t know a damn thing!”
As soon as he said this, everyone was shocked.
An Xie’s expression worsened, and he shouted at Ah Jin, “Shut up! Dai Jin, that’s His Majesty the Emperor you’re talking about. Do you want to be beheaded?”
Ah Jin wheezed and panted, “Am I fucking wrong? He’s up to no good! He won’t send us reinforcements, and he’s also dragging his feet on army provisions, damn it! Yet he still wants you to lead such a small number of troops to such a dangerous place! He wants you dead! That dog of an Emperor wants to put away the good bow when the flying bird is used up—”
“Slap—”
