Chapter 296: Unforeseen
3rd March 2013, Sayre Manor
(Jasmine Sayre POV)
"Talk about hitting three birds with one stone, I got rid of that whiny little mortal girl, I destroyed the organization that could have complicated things for us, and I finally got you to grow up and accept the fact that you're not human anymore."
She was right. Looking back, I was overly clinical when I tracked down the Potters' killers. Hogwarts must have realized it during my visit. I scanned the energy left in me by Erebus. There was still a good chunk left, but most of it was gone now. My Celestial side was showing, and I didn't know what was happening.
I will admit that I am not human anymore. I cannot even pretend to be one now even if I wanted to. I was something else, something more, on a fundamental level. But even with the muted emotions I could still feel the sting of the betrayal that my wife committed, "Why would you do this to me?"
"To you," she exclaimed, "I did it FOR you. You can't even judge me for it. After all, you're just like me now."
She was right. I had already lost. I was careless and I let someone I trusted fully manipulate my very being to suit their needs. It was disgusting, it was horrible, and it was beyond words to describe how I felt. I had been transformed into something that I had been avoiding for all my immortal life and it was at the hand of my wife of all people.
It was always just the two of us. When wars raged and civilizations were built and destroyed, we were together. She was my rock, and I was hers. I accepted her ruthlessness and apathy just like she was supposed to accept my attachment to my humanity. I have never tried to change her, and she didn't want to change me.
It was a perfect balance, and it was a lie. This was conclusive proof that Selene didn't like who I was as a person and tried to change me. How dare she? I have accepted the fact that she feeds on people to recharge her life force like a junkie, and I helped mitigate her condition. She tried to destroy cities just to feed on their life force, and I didn't judge her.
Yet just because I wasn't living up to my name, to my station, she chose to betray me in such a deep way, it broke my heart. And the worst thing was that I didn't care. It didn't make sense to care about this. I was different now, and I had to learn to live with it.
After Selene's plan was completed, my awareness and emotional development were more similar to a Celestial than a human. I wasn't even close to the powers of a Celestial, but I couldn't identify myself as a human being anymore. And the worst thing is that it didn't hurt at all. I always knew that this was inevitable, my fall from humanity. I expected that I would lose my humanity in a fight where I would have no other choice but to sacrifice it. I expected it to hurt for some reason, to feel a part of myself leave me. But it didn't and I should be horrified about it.
However, my consciousness told me that horror was illogical because it didn't have a purpose, and thus, I cannot feel it. If I was honest, I didn't even care about the fact that I was different anymore. But whatever humanity remained in my memories was screaming in pain and outrage. The paradox was painful. I will have to get used to the dichotomy between my new perception and my memories.
I looked back at my memories, and I realized the deep illogical nature of my existence. My existence in the past shouldn't have been possible, I realize that now. Coming back to the same timeline was just impossible. You could only enter another branch of your timeline. I was different in the fact that my existence in the past was already a fixed point in time. But this happening naturally was just impossible, someone engineered and manipulated the fabric of time and space just to force me to go to the past.
I was also a singularity in the multiverse, and I should have never been born in the prime universe. I was the combination of two souls separated in two different universes. While the separation of a soul was possible, there had to be a connection and having two half souls being connected in different universes needed someone to actively try to maintain them, which means that someone has pushed pieces together for me to become the Morrigan. And I'm sure that it had nothing to do with the lives of a single planet in a single universe, even if it is the prime one.
Someone was obviously actively manipulating my life, someone powerful and strong, someone that exists on a multiversal scale. And for the first time since my pseudo-ascension, I felt fear. It didn't make any sense, I was constrained by Time and Fate for most of my life, I was Death's tool for thousands of years in a vain attempt to protect the remnants of my first home, Atlantis. But for some reason, the idea of someone controlling my actions now felt wrong. I suppose it was my Celestial side. I don't think that they really appreciate the concept of them being controlled by anyone else.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I needed to focus on the present, not the past. I needed to deal with Selene. I didn't even know what I should do about her. I have loved her for so long, and yet she betrayed me. I recalled her response to my earlier question. She said that she did it for my benefit. I did not understand why she said that. Doing something against my wishes, that I would explicitly try to avoid is the definition of it not being for my benefit. The results of her actions didn't matter anymore. Perhaps if she provides a logical answer, I could understand that.
"What do you mean, you did it for me?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
"You were always so... limited," Selene replied, a hint of disgust in her voice. "You were always so concerned with your humanity, always trying to hold onto it. It was holding you back, Morrigan. You were so much more powerful than you realized, but you were too afraid to embrace it. I wanted you to be the best that you could be, to be the strongest and most powerful being in the universe. And now, finally, you are."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She had done all of this, had betrayed me in the worst possible way, all because she wanted me to be more powerful? It was beyond selfish, it was cruel. And yet, I couldn't even feel the full extent of my anger. My emotions were muted, dulled by the changes Selene had made to my being. Finally, it clicked, it was the realization of her selfishness that I fully understood her ambitions.
I gave her a sad smile, "That's a lie and you know it."
"I am not lying. You know that this is true. You are not limited anymore." she protested.
"Oh, but you are lying. Not about the limitations I put on myself. There are many reasons why putting limits on a thing is better. No, you're lying about why you did this. It was never about me, it was never about my attachments or my humanity, was it?"
The woman looked confused, "I don't understand…"
I gave her a pitying look, "That's the sad thing. You don't even realize it. You never wanted me to become better, or more powerful. I am plenty powerful, and while you've complained about my attachment to my humanity, you have accepted it for thousands of years. No, you're relapsing. That's why you even killed the members of the Court of Shadows in the first place."
"That had nothing to do with this…"
"You took a taste and couldn't stop yourself. You could have manipulated Rose in many ways, and yet you chose to commit mass murder to do it. You just wanted to go back to absorbing life force again, and you wanted me to approve, to remain with you, even if we agreed long ago that you wouldn't go too far with your abilities. You never betrayed me for my benefit, but for yours."
She wanted to justify her going back to absorbing life force by getting me to approve, and she thought that if I had lost enough of my humanity, I wouldn't care about her doing it. To be honest, her plan succeeded; I didn't care anymore about it. I probably should, but it just felt meaningless. Thousands of people die every minute, a few more wouldn't change anything. But Selene had betrayed me, had used the trust I put in her to mould me into someone else, someone that she thought would be better.
It seems that I was right on the nose because while Selene's face was impassive, her eyes betrayed her. She was begging, "Fine, you're right. The pendant you made me started glitching after your assimilation of the cosmic core. You were gone and I needed you. I started to feed again, and you know what, I liked it. I forgot how it was like being full for the first time and it was amazing. Maybe I hoped that with you becoming less human you wouldn't care about it and would allow me to go back to feeding. But I still stand by the fact that I did this for you. You needed to care less, to grow, it was time."
My voice became cold, "It was not your decision to make. You banked on the fact that my new nature would get me to stop caring about the wrongs that you have done. Unfortunately, you forgot that muting my emotions generally, will include my feelings for you."
For the first time, Selene's tone faltered, "But I love you."
I nodded, "and I love you. But your meddling has allowed me to take a step back and take an objective view of my decisions. I am no longer ruled by my emotions; you made sure of that when you betrayed me. That was the point, after all."
She seemed to get where I was going and exclaimed, "You can't get rid of me, you'll need my help against Entropy. You're already on the back foot. You'll need my help. And after all, what's a few mortals' lives compared to the lives of the entire multiverse?"
Huh, she was appealing to my logical side. Was she scared that I would have killed her? While her betrayal caused my emotions to be more muted, I was still very much in love with Selene, even if I now see how our relationship just wasn't healthy for either of us. Selene felt stifled, and I used her as a support mechanism. Yet, I don't think I have it in me to kill her.
But that doesn't change the fact that she betrayed me. Having made my decision, I sighed and gave her a sad smile, "You're right. I do need you. But what you've done showed me that I cannot trust you. You were supposed to be my rock, and yet you betrayed me. I cannot rely on you in the coming conflict. I am sorry."
"Please, my love," she protested. She must have realized where this is going.
I continued, "And yet, I don't have it in me to kill you. I really should; what you have done was unforgivable. But I won't." I pretended not to see her sag in relief, "you still need to be punished for what you have done. You will be exiled to the lands of Avalon. You will be confined to the castle, but you won't have access to the artifacts or the library. Should you take any malicious actions on the magical creatures inside, consider your life to be forfeit."
Selene was openly crying now, "Morrigan, please don't leave me there alone."
I ignore her, "Don't be mistaken, this is me being merciful. Goodbye, Selene."
Before she could reply, I opened a dimensional portal to Avalon behind her and telekinetically pushed her through. She should be at the castle now. After closing the portal, all I could feel was the oppressive silence that remained. With Selene gone, I have never felt so alone.
As usual, I generally post four chapters a week, on Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. But I'm currently trying out daily uploads for the rest of the month.
If you want to support me, check out my Patreon. I tend to upload drafts of early chapters on there to get people's opinions of them so you can read up to 20 chapters ahead as a bonus.
Thank you guys for your support in these hard times.
Chapter 296: Unforeseen
3rd March 2013, Sayre Manor
(Jasmine Sayre POV)
"Talk about hitting three birds with one stone, I got rid of that whiny little mortal girl, I destroyed the organization that could have complicated things for us, and I finally got you to grow up and accept the fact that you're not human anymore."
She was right. Looking back, I was overly clinical when I tracked down the Potters' killers. Hogwarts must have realized it during my visit. I scanned the energy left in me by Erebus. There was still a good chunk left, but most of it was gone now. My Celestial side was showing, and I didn't know what was happening.
I will admit that I am not human anymore. I cannot even pretend to be one now even if I wanted to. I was something else, something more, on a fundamental level. But even with the muted emotions I could still feel the sting of the betrayal that my wife committed, "Why would you do this to me?"
"To you," she exclaimed, "I did it FOR you. You can't even judge me for it. After all, you're just like me now."
She was right. I had already lost. I was careless and I let someone I trusted fully manipulate my very being to suit their needs. It was disgusting, it was horrible, and it was beyond words to describe how I felt. I had been transformed into something that I had been avoiding for all my immortal life and it was at the hand of my wife of all people.
It was always just the two of us. When wars raged and civilizations were built and destroyed, we were together. She was my rock, and I was hers. I accepted her ruthlessness and apathy just like she was supposed to accept my attachment to my humanity. I have never tried to change her, and she didn't want to change me.
It was a perfect balance, and it was a lie. This was conclusive proof that Selene didn't like who I was as a person and tried to change me. How dare she? I have accepted the fact that she feeds on people to recharge her life force like a junkie, and I helped mitigate her condition. She tried to destroy cities just to feed on their life force, and I didn't judge her.
Yet just because I wasn't living up to my name, to my station, she chose to betray me in such a deep way, it broke my heart. And the worst thing was that I didn't care. It didn't make sense to care about this. I was different now, and I had to learn to live with it.
After Selene's plan was completed, my awareness and emotional development were more similar to a Celestial than a human. I wasn't even close to the powers of a Celestial, but I couldn't identify myself as a human being anymore. And the worst thing is that it didn't hurt at all. I always knew that this was inevitable, my fall from humanity. I expected that I would lose my humanity in a fight where I would have no other choice but to sacrifice it. I expected it to hurt for some reason, to feel a part of myself leave me. But it didn't and I should be horrified about it.
However, my consciousness told me that horror was illogical because it didn't have a purpose, and thus, I cannot feel it. If I was honest, I didn't even care about the fact that I was different anymore. But whatever humanity remained in my memories was screaming in pain and outrage. The paradox was painful. I will have to get used to the dichotomy between my new perception and my memories.
I looked back at my memories, and I realized the deep illogical nature of my existence. My existence in the past shouldn't have been possible, I realize that now. Coming back to the same timeline was just impossible. You could only enter another branch of your timeline. I was different in the fact that my existence in the past was already a fixed point in time. But this happening naturally was just impossible, someone engineered and manipulated the fabric of time and space just to force me to go to the past.
I was also a singularity in the multiverse, and I should have never been born in the prime universe. I was the combination of two souls separated in two different universes. While the separation of a soul was possible, there had to be a connection and having two half souls being connected in different universes needed someone to actively try to maintain them, which means that someone has pushed pieces together for me to become the Morrigan. And I'm sure that it had nothing to do with the lives of a single planet in a single universe, even if it is the prime one.
Someone was obviously actively manipulating my life, someone powerful and strong, someone that exists on a multiversal scale. And for the first time since my pseudo-ascension, I felt fear. It didn't make any sense, I was constrained by Time and Fate for most of my life, I was Death's tool for thousands of years in a vain attempt to protect the remnants of my first home, Atlantis. But for some reason, the idea of someone controlling my actions now felt wrong. I suppose it was my Celestial side. I don't think that they really appreciate the concept of them being controlled by anyone else.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I needed to focus on the present, not the past. I needed to deal with Selene. I didn't even know what I should do about her. I have loved her for so long, and yet she betrayed me. I recalled her response to my earlier question. She said that she did it for my benefit. I did not understand why she said that. Doing something against my wishes, that I would explicitly try to avoid is the definition of it not being for my benefit. The results of her actions didn't matter anymore. Perhaps if she provides a logical answer, I could understand that.
"What do you mean, you did it for me?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
"You were always so... limited," Selene replied, a hint of disgust in her voice. "You were always so concerned with your humanity, always trying to hold onto it. It was holding you back, Morrigan. You were so much more powerful than you realized, but you were too afraid to embrace it. I wanted you to be the best that you could be, to be the strongest and most powerful being in the universe. And now, finally, you are."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She had done all of this, had betrayed me in the worst possible way, all because she wanted me to be more powerful? It was beyond selfish, it was cruel. And yet, I couldn't even feel the full extent of my anger. My emotions were muted, dulled by the changes Selene had made to my being. Finally, it clicked, it was the realization of her selfishness that I fully understood her ambitions.
I gave her a sad smile, "That's a lie and you know it."
"I am not lying. You know that this is true. You are not limited anymore." she protested.
"Oh, but you are lying. Not about the limitations I put on myself. There are many reasons why putting limits on a thing is better. No, you're lying about why you did this. It was never about me, it was never about my attachments or my humanity, was it?"
The woman looked confused, "I don't understand…"
I gave her a pitying look, "That's the sad thing. You don't even realize it. You never wanted me to become better, or more powerful. I am plenty powerful, and while you've complained about my attachment to my humanity, you have accepted it for thousands of years. No, you're relapsing. That's why you even killed the members of the Court of Shadows in the first place."
"That had nothing to do with this…"
"You took a taste and couldn't stop yourself. You could have manipulated Rose in many ways, and yet you chose to commit mass murder to do it. You just wanted to go back to absorbing life force again, and you wanted me to approve, to remain with you, even if we agreed long ago that you wouldn't go too far with your abilities. You never betrayed me for my benefit, but for yours."
She wanted to justify her going back to absorbing life force by getting me to approve, and she thought that if I had lost enough of my humanity, I wouldn't care about her doing it. To be honest, her plan succeeded; I didn't care anymore about it. I probably should, but it just felt meaningless. Thousands of people die every minute, a few more wouldn't change anything. But Selene had betrayed me, had used the trust I put in her to mould me into someone else, someone that she thought would be better.
It seems that I was right on the nose because while Selene's face was impassive, her eyes betrayed her. She was begging, "Fine, you're right. The pendant you made me started glitching after your assimilation of the cosmic core. You were gone and I needed you. I started to feed again, and you know what, I liked it. I forgot how it was like being full for the first time and it was amazing. Maybe I hoped that with you becoming less human you wouldn't care about it and would allow me to go back to feeding. But I still stand by the fact that I did this for you. You needed to care less, to grow, it was time."
My voice became cold, "It was not your decision to make. You banked on the fact that my new nature would get me to stop caring about the wrongs that you have done. Unfortunately, you forgot that muting my emotions generally, will include my feelings for you."
For the first time, Selene's tone faltered, "But I love you."
I nodded, "and I love you. But your meddling has allowed me to take a step back and take an objective view of my decisions. I am no longer ruled by my emotions; you made sure of that when you betrayed me. That was the point, after all."
She seemed to get where I was going and exclaimed, "You can't get rid of me, you'll need my help against Entropy. You're already on the back foot. You'll need my help. And after all, what's a few mortals' lives compared to the lives of the entire multiverse?"
Huh, she was appealing to my logical side. Was she scared that I would have killed her? While her betrayal caused my emotions to be more muted, I was still very much in love with Selene, even if I now see how our relationship just wasn't healthy for either of us. Selene felt stifled, and I used her as a support mechanism. Yet, I don't think I have it in me to kill her.
But that doesn't change the fact that she betrayed me. Having made my decision, I sighed and gave her a sad smile, "You're right. I do need you. But what you've done showed me that I cannot trust you. You were supposed to be my rock, and yet you betrayed me. I cannot rely on you in the coming conflict. I am sorry."
"Please, my love," she protested. She must have realized where this is going.
I continued, "And yet, I don't have it in me to kill you. I really should; what you have done was unforgivable. But I won't." I pretended not to see her sag in relief, "you still need to be punished for what you have done. You will be exiled to the lands of Avalon. You will be confined to the castle, but you won't have access to the artifacts or the library. Should you take any malicious actions on the magical creatures inside, consider your life to be forfeit."
Selene was openly crying now, "Morrigan, please don't leave me there alone."
I ignore her, "Don't be mistaken, this is me being merciful. Goodbye, Selene."
Before she could reply, I opened a dimensional portal to Avalon behind her and telekinetically pushed her through. She should be at the castle now. After closing the portal, all I could feel was the oppressive silence that remained. With Selene gone, I have never felt so alone.
As usual, I generally post four chapters a week, on Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. But I'm currently trying out daily uploads for the rest of the month.
If you want to support me, check out my Patreon. I tend to upload drafts of early chapters on there to get people's opinions of them so you can read up to 20 chapters ahead as a bonus.
Thank you guys for your support in these hard times.
