Chapter 263 - Cat Business II
“I remain of the opinion that the speech would have been more striking had I been seated atop the throne.” Arciel walked leisurely across the castle grounds as she spoke with an exaggerated pout. Soldiers from both sides were still out and about, with some running errands and others simply sitting around. Regardless of affiliation, they moved out of her way, with whole regiments splitting like the sea.
“Maybe for the nobility,” said Claire. The statement was followed by a moment of silence. Collectively, the group was too tired to offer a rebuttal. “But it doesn’t matter what they think.”
Of the noble houses whose heads had failed to roll, there remained only three whose fealty was yet unsworn. House Va’arn, House Ragouille, and House Cargot had all remained neutral in the conflict. It was not just their inability to read the tides that restrained them, but their size and relevance as well. For while they were listed in the national ledger, it was only in blood that their nobility rang true. Their clans were poor and powerless, with only a single servant between all three.
Everyone else was bound to the queen by an oath of subservience, either that or marked for death. That was why the speech had been conducted with the general public in mind, despite the fact that the average person’s life was unlikely to be changed. It wasn’t as if the government had no plans to restructure. Arciel had every intention of kicking every legislative body into high gear and pushing her reforms. But it would still take time for the effects to be seen across the nation.
It was only in the shining capital that its people would find their day-to-day immediately affected. The conflict had effectively robbed the city of its barrier and encouraged its villains to take to the limelight. Not all of the criminals enlisted in the coup would forever remain within the cycle of depravity. To have their records stricken, to have their sins absolved, was to be presented with an opportunity to start anew, and the Penhorn pirates, at the very least, would be taking it to remodel their business. Strictly speaking, they would still be pirates in role. However, they would be responsible for preying not upon random citizens and traders, but ships operated by the new queen’s enemies. In the short term, that meant boarding random vessels and inspecting the goods and people—anything related to those that opposed the crown was free for the taking.
The same premise applied in the longer term as well, though instead of the rebellious nobility, they were to set their sights on enemy nations, unscrupulous merchants, and whatever else the government happened to dictate. Of course, they were not officially affiliated. The pirates would still fly the skull and bones, and any help received from the crown would be passed under the table. It was a high-risk endeavour. They were likely to earn the ire of many a nation’s navy, but the pirates still considered it well worth their time.
To be granted diplomatic immunity, even in only one state’s waters, was to be granted a safe base of operations. Pursuers affiliated with other nations had no choice but to back off lest they were willing to contend with a diplomatic incident. Private bounty hunters could always cross the borders without issue, but they were unlikely to prove themselves a threat. The Penhorns were long accustomed to handling them on the regular, thanks to the massive sums regularly put on their bosses’ heads.
Not every retiring criminal would merely shift their labels like the blackflags, however. Some claimed that they would seek out slow lives in the countryside, where they could settle down as farmhands, merchants, and craftsmen to chase dreams from the distant past. Of course, the claims lacked any evidence to back their authenticity, and it was likely that many would simply continue their activities, perhaps under new names. But that was why Arciel had negotiated with the erdbrechers. With the elephants, the winged horses, and her own patrols at her beck and call, she was confident that they would be able to keep her former associates well under her thumb.
It was with that thought in mind that the squid entered the once sparkling white castle. She guided the party to the throne room, not through the gaping hole in the wall, but the various hallways and corridors that made up its interior. Once present in the space again, she swept aside the various corpses and built herself a throne of fresh blood.
“I did not think that this day would come so soon,” she said, as she seated herself in the chair. “Thank you all for your efforts. It would not have been possible without your assistance.”
“Don’t sweat it!” said Sylvia. “It’s not like I had anything else to do, since Claire always just makes me sit out.”
“Not always.”
“Always and almost always are basically the same thing!”
“No they aren’t.”
“Yes they are!”
“I’d just give up,” said Natalya, as she grabbed the hat off her wearer and hugged it to her chest. “She’s not going to listen to you when she’s like this.”
“I know, but still!”
“I’m listening,” said Claire, with a small frown. “You’re just wrong.”
“Let us distance ourselves from matters of correctness for the time being and discuss our future plans.” Arciel floated over, throne and all, and physically inserted herself between the quarrelers. “As I suspect you have already surmised, Matthias and I shan’t be accompanying you on your adventures any longer. I must lord over this nation as its monarch whilst he shall serve as a member of my guard.”
“I’m going to miss you,” said the cat, with a wistful smile. “I know that you probably won’t really need us for anything, being a proper queen and all, but if you do, just ask. We’ll always be there to listen.”
“Thank you, Lia,” said the squid. She rose from her seat, grabbed Natalya’s hands, and gave them a squeeze between her own. “I believe you mentioned that you were planning on opening a stor—” she cut herself off and went silent for a moment before piping up again. “Before we discuss that matter, I would like to extend an offer to the three of you.”
The fox and cat tilted their heads, while lyrkress placed a hand on her brow.
“No,” said Claire.
“Should you not hear my request before deciding to reject it?”
“There’s no point,” said the qiligon, with her eyes narrowed suspiciously, “I can already tell that it’s going to be something stupid.”
“It most certainly is not. However, I do believe that some explanation is required for it to be understood, and it is with that which I will begin.”
“Don’t bother. I already said no.”
The squid twisted her lips into a pout before proceeding nonetheless. “Prior to the whore’s ascension to the throne, the castle grounds were split into two distinct halves. One is the fortress and display of wealth for which it is currently known.” She gestured at the various terrariums spread throughout the half-destroyed room. “And the other is a rear palace in which only women, eunuchs, and the reigning queen’s children are allowed.”
“I knew it was going to be something stupid,” mumbled Claire.
“I shall soon be establishing a harem, and I would like to invite the three of you to join it as my consorts.” The queen spoke the words with confidence, in spite of her reddening cheeks. “If I am inevitably to be bred for the sake of producing an heir, I would rather it be with a friend than a stranger.” She began fiddling with the various trinkets in her hat as she snuck brief glances at each of the girls in turn. “D-do not be mistaken, this is not precisely a confession of love. I am merely seeking the most familiar of the uncomfortable solutions.”
“S-s-s-sh-sh-shouldn’t you be looking for a prince consort instead?” stuttered Natalya. Her eyes were spinning and her face was red, already half overheated. “I-I’m not really sure why you’d be asking us.”
“Like minotaurs and valkyries, my race contains members of only a single sex. It is possible for our reproductive cycles to complete so long as our partners are of flesh and blood, though I am not yet clear on all of the details.” Arciel covered the bottom of her face and cleared her throat. “W-whatever the case, I wish to extend all three of you invitations. It will be some time before the rear palace is in a presentable state once more, but I can assure that you will live comfortable lives with all of your needs attended to.”
“You’re an idiot,” muttered Claire. “I said no. And I meant it.”
“I suppose you did,” said Ciel. Her composure returned as she cleared her throat again. “I would be lying if I was to say that I predicted any other response. You are of good stock, but as I am confident you understand already, the mingling of our blood would not end well for either nation.”
“Then don’t ask next time.”
“Do not worry, Claire. The invitation extended to you was hardly anything beyond a formality,” said Ciel, with a giggle. “So that you would not feel left out, as you often did when we were subjected to confessions and proposals in town.”
Claire rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t feeling left out.”
“Of course not.” Ciel turned towards the other two. “Have you made your decisions?”
“Err… I-I’m really flattered,” said Lia, with her face as red as a tomato. “Living in a castle sounds like a dream, and I have always thought that you were really pretty, and I wouldn’t mind… but I think I’ll have to pass. I’m really set on opening that shop I was talking about earlier. I’ve been wanting to give it a try for a while now, and I think I’m just a few jobs away from having enough saved up to get it started.”
“A shame,” said the squid, “but the opportunity remains should you ever change your mind. In the meantime, I shall provide the capital to cover your initial expenses, as well as purchase whatever plot of land that you wish to claim.”
“You will?” The cat’s eyes opened wide.
“You chose to aid my cause, even after you were involved without prior knowledge or consent. The gold that I shall be offering is but a paltry sum before the friendship and loyalty you have demonstrated,” said the squid, with a smile. “If there is anything more that you require, you are free to request an audience by way of speaking with any of the castle’s staff.”
“T-thanks.”
“But I must ask, to sate my curiosity primarily, but what manner of business is it that you have in mind?”
“I haven’t ironed out all the details just yet, because I’m not sure exactly how viable it would be, but the plan is for it to be something of a mix of a consulting firm and a school.” Lia took a hand off the fox to adjust her glasses. “We’ve gotten pretty strong, so I was thinking that we could sell our services and experience to adventurers and spelunkers. We could teach people specific skills if they’re interested in our classes, and we could help people sort through the job board and pick what’s best for them.”
“That is certainly an interesting proposition, but how would you earn profit?”
“We could either skim a bit off the top of each request, or maybe charge a flat fee. I was going to work it out with Auntie after all the fighting finally died down.”
“I shall consider enlisting it as a government-funded operation should she determine it to be profitable. Do bring me the plans once you have them sorted.”
“Okay,” said the cat, with a meek smile.
“Now, I believe that leaves only one.” Ciel turned her eyes to the conflicted-looking fox trapped in the catgirl’s embrace. “Have you come to a decision, Sylvia?”
“Mmmnnn… I feel like my great grandpa-thingy is going to get really mad at me if I don’t say yes, but staying cooped up in a castle sounds kinda boring. I kinda just wanna go on adventures and stuff.”
“I imagined as much.” The vampire’s lips wavered as she pulled her hat over her eyes. “Truly a shame. It appears I shall remain a lonely queen with no souls to confide in.”
“Don’t worry,” said the cat. “I’ll still be in the city. You can come visit any time once I get the shop set up.”
“What of you two?” Arciel looked between the fox and the lyrkress. “Have you already decided on your next destination?”
“Not yet,” said Claire. “But we have a few in mind.”
“Oh uhm… about that…” Natalya grabbed the lyrkress’ sleeve. “I was wondering if you’d be willing to run my shop with me.”
“That’s just as dumb as the stupid squid’s idea.”
“N-no it isn’t!” Lia bit her bottom lip and swayed her hips back and forth. “I’m just trying to be considerate.”
Claire narrowed her eyes.
“It’s just that you’ve been really burnt out recently, so I thought it might be a good idea for you to take a bit of a break from leveling.”
“I’m not burnt out.”
“Yes you are!” Sylvia chimed in with an angry huff. “You’ve been stuck in a rut ever since Melly kicked your butt, and it’s been bugging the heck out of me!”
“No I haven’t.”
“Yes you have! You used to be a lot more creative when you killed stuff, and you were super fun to watch. But lately, you’ve just been smashing your head into things until they die.”
“I am also of the opinion that you have been in low spirits,” said Arciel.
“If you’re worried about Sylvia getting bored, we can still go out on weekend adventures,” suggested the cat, “and it isn’t as if we’ll stop dungeon diving and exploring altogether. It’ll just be a little slower, so you can have a bit more time to pull yourself back together.”
The lyrkress slowly looked between the three, carefully fixing her eyes on each of their faces in turn. “I’m not burnt out.”
“Oh, come on! Now you’re just being stubborn!” grumbled the fox. “Look! Even Boris agrees!” She floated the lizard off Claire’s back and hovered him in front of her face, where he greeted her with a series of rapid nods. “And heck! You’re being so careless that you forgot you weren’t supposed to show people your tiny form!”
The child averted her eyes while slowly returning to her usual height. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Do not worry. We found it to be a rather adorable sight for sore eyes,” said Arciel.
“I probably would’ve squealed if Sylvia hadn’t warned me ahead of time,” said the cat, with an awkward smile.
“See? You’re totally out of whack! Stop being stubborn and just admit it!”
Claire looked around the room again before crossing her arms and breathing a sigh. “Fine.” She jabbed her tail into the cat’s forehead. “I’ll help you run the stupid store. But only until I get bored.”
“I don’t suppose there is any harm in asking you to join my harem again, now that you are of a different mind?”
“I’m not joining,” said Claire, with a roll of the eyes. “Pervert.”
“I shall have you know that I am nothing of the sort. It is simply my duty to procreate, as the final member of my species.”
“Didn’t you say that there were a few more of them being held captive?” asked Lia.
“Perhaps if technicalities are to be observed.” Arciel twisted her face into a grimace. “It would be easier to show you than to explain.”
Pulling her hat further over her head, the witch waltzed out of the throne room and led her companions deeper into the castle’s depths.
SpicySpaceSquid
My editor saw this chapter and was like "yeah... definitely not yuri."
I looked him in the virtual eyes, and with the straightest possible face informed him that it clearly was not.
Chapter 263 - Cat Business II
“I remain of the opinion that the speech would have been more striking had I been seated atop the throne.” Arciel walked leisurely across the castle grounds as she spoke with an exaggerated pout. Soldiers from both sides were still out and about, with some running errands and others simply sitting around. Regardless of affiliation, they moved out of her way, with whole regiments splitting like the sea.
“Maybe for the nobility,” said Claire. The statement was followed by a moment of silence. Collectively, the group was too tired to offer a rebuttal. “But it doesn’t matter what they think.”
Of the noble houses whose heads had failed to roll, there remained only three whose fealty was yet unsworn. House Va’arn, House Ragouille, and House Cargot had all remained neutral in the conflict. It was not just their inability to read the tides that restrained them, but their size and relevance as well. For while they were listed in the national ledger, it was only in blood that their nobility rang true. Their clans were poor and powerless, with only a single servant between all three.
Everyone else was bound to the queen by an oath of subservience, either that or marked for death. That was why the speech had been conducted with the general public in mind, despite the fact that the average person’s life was unlikely to be changed. It wasn’t as if the government had no plans to restructure. Arciel had every intention of kicking every legislative body into high gear and pushing her reforms. But it would still take time for the effects to be seen across the nation.
It was only in the shining capital that its people would find their day-to-day immediately affected. The conflict had effectively robbed the city of its barrier and encouraged its villains to take to the limelight. Not all of the criminals enlisted in the coup would forever remain within the cycle of depravity. To have their records stricken, to have their sins absolved, was to be presented with an opportunity to start anew, and the Penhorn pirates, at the very least, would be taking it to remodel their business. Strictly speaking, they would still be pirates in role. However, they would be responsible for preying not upon random citizens and traders, but ships operated by the new queen’s enemies. In the short term, that meant boarding random vessels and inspecting the goods and people—anything related to those that opposed the crown was free for the taking.
The same premise applied in the longer term as well, though instead of the rebellious nobility, they were to set their sights on enemy nations, unscrupulous merchants, and whatever else the government happened to dictate. Of course, they were not officially affiliated. The pirates would still fly the skull and bones, and any help received from the crown would be passed under the table. It was a high-risk endeavour. They were likely to earn the ire of many a nation’s navy, but the pirates still considered it well worth their time.
To be granted diplomatic immunity, even in only one state’s waters, was to be granted a safe base of operations. Pursuers affiliated with other nations had no choice but to back off lest they were willing to contend with a diplomatic incident. Private bounty hunters could always cross the borders without issue, but they were unlikely to prove themselves a threat. The Penhorns were long accustomed to handling them on the regular, thanks to the massive sums regularly put on their bosses’ heads.
Not every retiring criminal would merely shift their labels like the blackflags, however. Some claimed that they would seek out slow lives in the countryside, where they could settle down as farmhands, merchants, and craftsmen to chase dreams from the distant past. Of course, the claims lacked any evidence to back their authenticity, and it was likely that many would simply continue their activities, perhaps under new names. But that was why Arciel had negotiated with the erdbrechers. With the elephants, the winged horses, and her own patrols at her beck and call, she was confident that they would be able to keep her former associates well under her thumb.
It was with that thought in mind that the squid entered the once sparkling white castle. She guided the party to the throne room, not through the gaping hole in the wall, but the various hallways and corridors that made up its interior. Once present in the space again, she swept aside the various corpses and built herself a throne of fresh blood.
“I did not think that this day would come so soon,” she said, as she seated herself in the chair. “Thank you all for your efforts. It would not have been possible without your assistance.”
“Don’t sweat it!” said Sylvia. “It’s not like I had anything else to do, since Claire always just makes me sit out.”
“Not always.”
“Always and almost always are basically the same thing!”
“No they aren’t.”
“Yes they are!”
“I’d just give up,” said Natalya, as she grabbed the hat off her wearer and hugged it to her chest. “She’s not going to listen to you when she’s like this.”
“I know, but still!”
“I’m listening,” said Claire, with a small frown. “You’re just wrong.”
“Let us distance ourselves from matters of correctness for the time being and discuss our future plans.” Arciel floated over, throne and all, and physically inserted herself between the quarrelers. “As I suspect you have already surmised, Matthias and I shan’t be accompanying you on your adventures any longer. I must lord over this nation as its monarch whilst he shall serve as a member of my guard.”
“I’m going to miss you,” said the cat, with a wistful smile. “I know that you probably won’t really need us for anything, being a proper queen and all, but if you do, just ask. We’ll always be there to listen.”
“Thank you, Lia,” said the squid. She rose from her seat, grabbed Natalya’s hands, and gave them a squeeze between her own. “I believe you mentioned that you were planning on opening a stor—” she cut herself off and went silent for a moment before piping up again. “Before we discuss that matter, I would like to extend an offer to the three of you.”
The fox and cat tilted their heads, while lyrkress placed a hand on her brow.
“No,” said Claire.
“Should you not hear my request before deciding to reject it?”
“There’s no point,” said the qiligon, with her eyes narrowed suspiciously, “I can already tell that it’s going to be something stupid.”
“It most certainly is not. However, I do believe that some explanation is required for it to be understood, and it is with that which I will begin.”
“Don’t bother. I already said no.”
The squid twisted her lips into a pout before proceeding nonetheless. “Prior to the whore’s ascension to the throne, the castle grounds were split into two distinct halves. One is the fortress and display of wealth for which it is currently known.” She gestured at the various terrariums spread throughout the half-destroyed room. “And the other is a rear palace in which only women, eunuchs, and the reigning queen’s children are allowed.”
“I knew it was going to be something stupid,” mumbled Claire.
“I shall soon be establishing a harem, and I would like to invite the three of you to join it as my consorts.” The queen spoke the words with confidence, in spite of her reddening cheeks. “If I am inevitably to be bred for the sake of producing an heir, I would rather it be with a friend than a stranger.” She began fiddling with the various trinkets in her hat as she snuck brief glances at each of the girls in turn. “D-do not be mistaken, this is not precisely a confession of love. I am merely seeking the most familiar of the uncomfortable solutions.”
“S-s-s-sh-sh-shouldn’t you be looking for a prince consort instead?” stuttered Natalya. Her eyes were spinning and her face was red, already half overheated. “I-I’m not really sure why you’d be asking us.”
“Like minotaurs and valkyries, my race contains members of only a single sex. It is possible for our reproductive cycles to complete so long as our partners are of flesh and blood, though I am not yet clear on all of the details.” Arciel covered the bottom of her face and cleared her throat. “W-whatever the case, I wish to extend all three of you invitations. It will be some time before the rear palace is in a presentable state once more, but I can assure that you will live comfortable lives with all of your needs attended to.”
“You’re an idiot,” muttered Claire. “I said no. And I meant it.”
“I suppose you did,” said Ciel. Her composure returned as she cleared her throat again. “I would be lying if I was to say that I predicted any other response. You are of good stock, but as I am confident you understand already, the mingling of our blood would not end well for either nation.”
“Then don’t ask next time.”
“Do not worry, Claire. The invitation extended to you was hardly anything beyond a formality,” said Ciel, with a giggle. “So that you would not feel left out, as you often did when we were subjected to confessions and proposals in town.”
Claire rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t feeling left out.”
“Of course not.” Ciel turned towards the other two. “Have you made your decisions?”
“Err… I-I’m really flattered,” said Lia, with her face as red as a tomato. “Living in a castle sounds like a dream, and I have always thought that you were really pretty, and I wouldn’t mind… but I think I’ll have to pass. I’m really set on opening that shop I was talking about earlier. I’ve been wanting to give it a try for a while now, and I think I’m just a few jobs away from having enough saved up to get it started.”
“A shame,” said the squid, “but the opportunity remains should you ever change your mind. In the meantime, I shall provide the capital to cover your initial expenses, as well as purchase whatever plot of land that you wish to claim.”
“You will?” The cat’s eyes opened wide.
“You chose to aid my cause, even after you were involved without prior knowledge or consent. The gold that I shall be offering is but a paltry sum before the friendship and loyalty you have demonstrated,” said the squid, with a smile. “If there is anything more that you require, you are free to request an audience by way of speaking with any of the castle’s staff.”
“T-thanks.”
“But I must ask, to sate my curiosity primarily, but what manner of business is it that you have in mind?”
“I haven’t ironed out all the details just yet, because I’m not sure exactly how viable it would be, but the plan is for it to be something of a mix of a consulting firm and a school.” Lia took a hand off the fox to adjust her glasses. “We’ve gotten pretty strong, so I was thinking that we could sell our services and experience to adventurers and spelunkers. We could teach people specific skills if they’re interested in our classes, and we could help people sort through the job board and pick what’s best for them.”
“That is certainly an interesting proposition, but how would you earn profit?”
“We could either skim a bit off the top of each request, or maybe charge a flat fee. I was going to work it out with Auntie after all the fighting finally died down.”
“I shall consider enlisting it as a government-funded operation should she determine it to be profitable. Do bring me the plans once you have them sorted.”
“Okay,” said the cat, with a meek smile.
“Now, I believe that leaves only one.” Ciel turned her eyes to the conflicted-looking fox trapped in the catgirl’s embrace. “Have you come to a decision, Sylvia?”
“Mmmnnn… I feel like my great grandpa-thingy is going to get really mad at me if I don’t say yes, but staying cooped up in a castle sounds kinda boring. I kinda just wanna go on adventures and stuff.”
“I imagined as much.” The vampire’s lips wavered as she pulled her hat over her eyes. “Truly a shame. It appears I shall remain a lonely queen with no souls to confide in.”
“Don’t worry,” said the cat. “I’ll still be in the city. You can come visit any time once I get the shop set up.”
“What of you two?” Arciel looked between the fox and the lyrkress. “Have you already decided on your next destination?”
“Not yet,” said Claire. “But we have a few in mind.”
“Oh uhm… about that…” Natalya grabbed the lyrkress’ sleeve. “I was wondering if you’d be willing to run my shop with me.”
“That’s just as dumb as the stupid squid’s idea.”
“N-no it isn’t!” Lia bit her bottom lip and swayed her hips back and forth. “I’m just trying to be considerate.”
Claire narrowed her eyes.
“It’s just that you’ve been really burnt out recently, so I thought it might be a good idea for you to take a bit of a break from leveling.”
“I’m not burnt out.”
“Yes you are!” Sylvia chimed in with an angry huff. “You’ve been stuck in a rut ever since Melly kicked your butt, and it’s been bugging the heck out of me!”
“No I haven’t.”
“Yes you have! You used to be a lot more creative when you killed stuff, and you were super fun to watch. But lately, you’ve just been smashing your head into things until they die.”
“I am also of the opinion that you have been in low spirits,” said Arciel.
“If you’re worried about Sylvia getting bored, we can still go out on weekend adventures,” suggested the cat, “and it isn’t as if we’ll stop dungeon diving and exploring altogether. It’ll just be a little slower, so you can have a bit more time to pull yourself back together.”
The lyrkress slowly looked between the three, carefully fixing her eyes on each of their faces in turn. “I’m not burnt out.”
“Oh, come on! Now you’re just being stubborn!” grumbled the fox. “Look! Even Boris agrees!” She floated the lizard off Claire’s back and hovered him in front of her face, where he greeted her with a series of rapid nods. “And heck! You’re being so careless that you forgot you weren’t supposed to show people your tiny form!”
The child averted her eyes while slowly returning to her usual height. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Do not worry. We found it to be a rather adorable sight for sore eyes,” said Arciel.
“I probably would’ve squealed if Sylvia hadn’t warned me ahead of time,” said the cat, with an awkward smile.
“See? You’re totally out of whack! Stop being stubborn and just admit it!”
Claire looked around the room again before crossing her arms and breathing a sigh. “Fine.” She jabbed her tail into the cat’s forehead. “I’ll help you run the stupid store. But only until I get bored.”
“I don’t suppose there is any harm in asking you to join my harem again, now that you are of a different mind?”
“I’m not joining,” said Claire, with a roll of the eyes. “Pervert.”
“I shall have you know that I am nothing of the sort. It is simply my duty to procreate, as the final member of my species.”
“Didn’t you say that there were a few more of them being held captive?” asked Lia.
“Perhaps if technicalities are to be observed.” Arciel twisted her face into a grimace. “It would be easier to show you than to explain.”
Pulling her hat further over her head, the witch waltzed out of the throne room and led her companions deeper into the castle’s depths.
SpicySpaceSquid
My editor saw this chapter and was like "yeah... definitely not yuri."
I looked him in the virtual eyes, and with the straightest possible face informed him that it clearly was not.
