༺ The Shadow of the Pagoda Palace ༻
Before making a choice and contemplating, you first had to reflect. On your very origin.
And regarding the deep shadow that still clung to your ankles.
===============================================================
Pagoda Palace, the residence where the Imperial Descendants lived, was a pleasant place.
Building spacious enough for hide-and-seek and gardens aesthetically maintained by diligent gardeners. The high-quality food provided daily and the servants who made most of their desires come true.
If there was just one thing lacking in the Pagoda Palace, it was sufficient affection.
Because of the old Emperor’s concerns, the palace servants were replaced in regular intervals. Moreover, if there was any sign of affection building with the Imperial Descendants, they were inevitably removed.
That was why the Imperial Descendants came to see the servants as non-existent or like mere golems. They did not pay attention to their every move and even if they somehow felt emotions like interest or gratitude, they did not express them.
After all, they knew all too well that the moment they showed their gratitude to the kindness of a maid who picked up the dropped handkerchief, it would signify her disappearance on the very next day.
So, if there was one thing uniquely lacking in the Pagoda Palace, it was affection. That void of affection was, in fact, filled by the Imperial Descendants among themselves.
“Noona, are you the seeker today?”
“Sledo, the butler said you should call me Noonim.”
“I don’t like that because it’s too stiff.”
Despite receiving successor lessons on emperorship, memorizing the crests and meanings of various noble households, and embodying the gestures and dignity of the upper class…They were still just children.
Elaine, Irid, and Sledo played affectionately.
Almost as if they were the only ones to exist in this small world.
And First Prince ▒▒▒ always watched that sight from his armchair.
From the very beginning, he was dignified and knew many, many things. He did not play with his younger siblings, who were holding hands and running around, but when they came back from their fun, he praised them.
He warned them not to run in dangerous places and if his younger siblings earned an achievement, he gave them words of encouragement. In this situation where the Imperial Descendants kept their distance from all the servants……
It could be said that First Prince ▒▒▒ was playing the role of an adult.
In essence, he was the emotional support that embraced the children’s mistakes.
===============================================================
A year had passed since the Emperor’s summons.
Strange incidents began to occur in the Pagoda Palace.
Third Prince Sledo was injured by a teacup that fell from the second-floor balcony. He suffered some burns and a skin wound where he had been cut by the sharp glass.
When Second Prince Irid lost his footing, he almost got his eye pierced by the sharp end of a mop handle which was coincidentally present there.
First Princess Elaine, you were not spared from this odd ‘misfortune’ either. As you were crossing the hall on the first floor, the hinge of the chandelier hanging from the ceiling suddenly snapped with a screech.
If the devoted chamberlain hadn’t pushed you aside at that moment, you would have died or, if not dead, been severely injured.
You saw the chamberlain crushed under the chandelier, dying with the appearance of a squashed tomato, right before your eyes. The ‘misfortune’ started from very trivial things, but now it was directly targeting lives.
You trembled with anxiety. Even when Priests were called to consecrate the entire building or court wizards were brought in to investigate, nothing was revealed.
The malice was far too chilling to be called mere misfortune.
As such, you sought advice from the most trustworthy person among all the Imperial Descendants── First Prince ▒▒▒. He always led his siblings maturely. Also, how was that atmosphere he so naturally created around himself?
He had the most brilliant golden hair. His deep blue eyes sparkled with mischief. Yet at the same time, every move he made was with gentle dignity. To the extent that you thought there was no other person who should nor could become the Emperor besides this person.
Therefore, you trusted him. You believed in him. You had faith that if you sought answers from the First Prince, you would be able to overcome this as well.
In an armchair larger than the small table next to him, he was reading a book while holding a cup of black tea. Instead of clinging to him and crying in fear of ‘misfortune’, you, who were young yet dignified, courteously knocked and approached him with neat steps.
You opened your small mouth.
“Orabeoni1, do you perhaps know about…….the incidents happening in the palace?”
“Incidents, you say……Do you mean the scar on Sledo’s face and Irid nearly getting seriously injured? Ah, right. There was also the death of that pitiful chamberlain. It is a relief that you were not hurt, Elaine.”
“……Yes. I think it is not simply ‘misfortune’. Even though the wizards, the priests, and everyone else say that nothing is amiss, I felt malice. Someone is trying to harm us…… What do you think, Orabeoni?”
“Regarding that, I did it.”
“…………Excuse me?”
You could not comprehend and asked back in confusion.
First Prince ▒▒▒ once again gave his affirmation with that oh, so refreshing smile.
“I orchestrated it. You will not find evidence and you cannot accuse me of being the culprit, but the fact that I did it remains an unchanged truth. You can believe me on that!”
“……This joke is in poor taste. Orabeoni.”
“Is that how it sounded like?”
It did not sound like that. His eyes, once so tender, were now looking at you as if you were a chess piece. It was a condescending gaze so chilly that it seemed like it could freeze your blood stiff.
You felt a vicious playfulness from those eyes.
“……If that really is the truth…Then why?”
Why would he do such a thing? And…Why did he tell you? It was a dilogical question. He smiled by pulling up the corner of his month, before replying.
“This is merely…..a trivial game. A pastime. I shall give you a month, Elaine. After a month, Sledo will be the first to die.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
“You see, I need to go and find some new toys soon. Opportunely, I found something that caught my eyes, so……. There’s not much time left. If it’s possible, I would like to play with you a bit more!”
He ended the conversation like that.
Your mind was in complete chaos. You wanted to believe it was a joke, but it was far too vividly clear that it wasn’t. At the same time, it was also hard to believe that the Orabeoni you had spent the last ten years with was trying to kill you.
Moreover, not only could you not remember your Orabeoni’s name, but when also asked to specifically recall memories spent with him, nothing came to mind── That fact intensified your fear.
You had to choose.
‘Misfortune’ intensified day by day.
A chamberlain was severely injured or dead, Sledo developed a phobia of sharp objects, and Irid began to suspect even the people who merely passed by.
You, in that young body of just eleven years old, cried, trembled with anxiety, fell into panic, and then realized you had to act. Since the First Prince proposed a game to you…
In order to protect Irid, Sledo, and yourself…
You condemned him. You cried out that all this ‘misfortune’ was a sinister plot orchestrated by the First Prince.
But you had neither evidence to convince people nor the power to make them believe you even without evidence. So, you became someone ‘who was already trying to unfairly undercut her elder brother in the competition for the throne’.
You pleaded to him. In front of the First Prince, you begged him to stop all this.
But even this reaction seemed to invoke joy in him. As if it didn’t matter whether you were angry, crying, or laughing; all of it was nothing more than another enjoyable toy to him.
And then, in front of many people, he said this.
“You must have been in so much agony, Elaine….. These are hard times, so I understand why you are anxious. However, you must distinguish between delusion and reality.”
They were words that labeled you as mentally ill.
You realized then. That thing……First Prince ▒▒▒, whether he had been replaced midway…Or had always been like that, but was hiding his true nature. Regardless of which one it was, that thing was not human.
Did the old Emperor perhaps know?
About that indistinguishable thing coiled up in the Imperial Family?
The Emperor’s advice was…
Survival.
The anxiety that maybe, just maybe, all this might be a mental illness. The thin thread of faith in the First prince, along with a burning anger. The neurosis gnawing at you like indigestion. The guilt that grew every time your baby brothers were hurt and the pressure that the one-month deadline gave.
You were locked in your room, thinking all day long. Your golden hair, shining in the sunlight, had now faded. And after much thought, you came up with an answer.
You decided to disregard all these emotions. To survive.
If you solely thought about surviving, the answer was clear. The threat must be removed and that meant…the only way out was to kill the First Prince.
You wore a mask and pretended nothing was wrong, just waiting for your chance to strike.
And then, with desperation and much groundwork, you poured poison in the First Prince’s teacup.
That day’s scene remained etched in your mind like a brand. The First Prince drinking tea, then vomiting black blood. He gave a peaceful smile, gesturing with his eye, and then died as his head slammed onto the table.
Everyone in the Pagoda Palace knew. Who poisoned the First Prince. Who had the malicious intent to seize power from a young age, killing the most likely heir.
Accusatory and cold gazes were shot towards you, who finally felt relieved that everyone was over. A look that seemed to say, ‘How could you kill the First Prince who was so kind?’. The servants either avoided you or were afraid of you.
“I worked hard…….to survive, to protect everyone.”
You comforted yourself, saying that everything was now fine. You tried to say to Irid and Sledo── Let’s play happily in the yard, barefoot, just like how we did before ‘misfortune’ enveloped the Pagoda Palace.
“But I’m the one…who protected every……..one.”
However, all that returned was a gaze mixed with fear from your baby brothers.
You heard the sound of a crack. It was probably from your own heart. Tired of all those stares, you decide to just……let it be. As if this was how it originally was.
After that, Irid started to suspect you. In his eyes, you no longer looked like the kind sister you once were.
Sledo stopped talking to you. As if he would never consider someone who harmed family as his kin.
You, too, started to suspect yourself.
When you looked in the mirror, you saw the gaze of the old Emperor behind you.
The gaze of others still stung. Every time you heard someone’s laughter, you feared that the so-called jokes and games might start again.
You had a strange conviction that……There was no way the First Prince, who had committed such vile acts, would just disappear because of a single cup of poisoned tea.
As such, you solely thought about survival. Survival for today. Survival for tomorrow.
You gathered power, destroyed potential enemies, achieved great feats, and trained your body. It wasn’t for some dream…..but simply a struggle for survival.
No, it wasn’t simple. You had to cling to it. You had to at least hold onto that one short word: Survival. After all, survival was what you managed to barely grasp after losing all the beautiful memories of childhood and the affection of Irid and Sledo, your sole family.
It was the only thing left in your clutches.
You were alive, but not living.
The only task you held, survival, became a heavier and heavier burden as time passed. But still, you clung to it, because if you let go of even that, nothing would remain.
The wandering had not ended. The direction had lost its meaning. Even if you acted recklessly, there was no substance, no improvement from reflection, and no echo returned from sadly shouted pleas.
You couldn’t find hope that things would get better. As such…
You were still wandering, searching for ‘Paradise’.
To end this entire escape journey.
===============================================================
Distance remaining to Paradise.
About 30 centimeters.
A very formal way of saying oppa or big brother
༺ The Shadow of the Pagoda Palace ༻
Before making a choice and contemplating, you first had to reflect. On your very origin.
And regarding the deep shadow that still clung to your ankles.
===============================================================
Pagoda Palace, the residence where the Imperial Descendants lived, was a pleasant place.
Building spacious enough for hide-and-seek and gardens aesthetically maintained by diligent gardeners. The high-quality food provided daily and the servants who made most of their desires come true.
If there was just one thing lacking in the Pagoda Palace, it was sufficient affection.
Because of the old Emperor’s concerns, the palace servants were replaced in regular intervals. Moreover, if there was any sign of affection building with the Imperial Descendants, they were inevitably removed.
That was why the Imperial Descendants came to see the servants as non-existent or like mere golems. They did not pay attention to their every move and even if they somehow felt emotions like interest or gratitude, they did not express them.
After all, they knew all too well that the moment they showed their gratitude to the kindness of a maid who picked up the dropped handkerchief, it would signify her disappearance on the very next day.
So, if there was one thing uniquely lacking in the Pagoda Palace, it was affection. That void of affection was, in fact, filled by the Imperial Descendants among themselves.
“Noona, are you the seeker today?”
“Sledo, the butler said you should call me Noonim.”
“I don’t like that because it’s too stiff.”
Despite receiving successor lessons on emperorship, memorizing the crests and meanings of various noble households, and embodying the gestures and dignity of the upper class…They were still just children.
Elaine, Irid, and Sledo played affectionately.
Almost as if they were the only ones to exist in this small world.
And First Prince ▒▒▒ always watched that sight from his armchair.
From the very beginning, he was dignified and knew many, many things. He did not play with his younger siblings, who were holding hands and running around, but when they came back from their fun, he praised them.
He warned them not to run in dangerous places and if his younger siblings earned an achievement, he gave them words of encouragement. In this situation where the Imperial Descendants kept their distance from all the servants……
It could be said that First Prince ▒▒▒ was playing the role of an adult.
In essence, he was the emotional support that embraced the children’s mistakes.
===============================================================
A year had passed since the Emperor’s summons.
Strange incidents began to occur in the Pagoda Palace.
Third Prince Sledo was injured by a teacup that fell from the second-floor balcony. He suffered some burns and a skin wound where he had been cut by the sharp glass.
When Second Prince Irid lost his footing, he almost got his eye pierced by the sharp end of a mop handle which was coincidentally present there.
First Princess Elaine, you were not spared from this odd ‘misfortune’ either. As you were crossing the hall on the first floor, the hinge of the chandelier hanging from the ceiling suddenly snapped with a screech.
If the devoted chamberlain hadn’t pushed you aside at that moment, you would have died or, if not dead, been severely injured.
You saw the chamberlain crushed under the chandelier, dying with the appearance of a squashed tomato, right before your eyes. The ‘misfortune’ started from very trivial things, but now it was directly targeting lives.
You trembled with anxiety. Even when Priests were called to consecrate the entire building or court wizards were brought in to investigate, nothing was revealed.
The malice was far too chilling to be called mere misfortune.
As such, you sought advice from the most trustworthy person among all the Imperial Descendants── First Prince ▒▒▒. He always led his siblings maturely. Also, how was that atmosphere he so naturally created around himself?
He had the most brilliant golden hair. His deep blue eyes sparkled with mischief. Yet at the same time, every move he made was with gentle dignity. To the extent that you thought there was no other person who should nor could become the Emperor besides this person.
Therefore, you trusted him. You believed in him. You had faith that if you sought answers from the First Prince, you would be able to overcome this as well.
In an armchair larger than the small table next to him, he was reading a book while holding a cup of black tea. Instead of clinging to him and crying in fear of ‘misfortune’, you, who were young yet dignified, courteously knocked and approached him with neat steps.
You opened your small mouth.
“Orabeoni1, do you perhaps know about…….the incidents happening in the palace?”
“Incidents, you say……Do you mean the scar on Sledo’s face and Irid nearly getting seriously injured? Ah, right. There was also the death of that pitiful chamberlain. It is a relief that you were not hurt, Elaine.”
“……Yes. I think it is not simply ‘misfortune’. Even though the wizards, the priests, and everyone else say that nothing is amiss, I felt malice. Someone is trying to harm us…… What do you think, Orabeoni?”
“Regarding that, I did it.”
“…………Excuse me?”
You could not comprehend and asked back in confusion.
First Prince ▒▒▒ once again gave his affirmation with that oh, so refreshing smile.
“I orchestrated it. You will not find evidence and you cannot accuse me of being the culprit, but the fact that I did it remains an unchanged truth. You can believe me on that!”
“……This joke is in poor taste. Orabeoni.”
“Is that how it sounded like?”
It did not sound like that. His eyes, once so tender, were now looking at you as if you were a chess piece. It was a condescending gaze so chilly that it seemed like it could freeze your blood stiff.
You felt a vicious playfulness from those eyes.
“……If that really is the truth…Then why?”
Why would he do such a thing? And…Why did he tell you? It was a dilogical question. He smiled by pulling up the corner of his month, before replying.
“This is merely…..a trivial game. A pastime. I shall give you a month, Elaine. After a month, Sledo will be the first to die.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
“You see, I need to go and find some new toys soon. Opportunely, I found something that caught my eyes, so……. There’s not much time left. If it’s possible, I would like to play with you a bit more!”
He ended the conversation like that.
Your mind was in complete chaos. You wanted to believe it was a joke, but it was far too vividly clear that it wasn’t. At the same time, it was also hard to believe that the Orabeoni you had spent the last ten years with was trying to kill you.
Moreover, not only could you not remember your Orabeoni’s name, but when also asked to specifically recall memories spent with him, nothing came to mind── That fact intensified your fear.
You had to choose.
‘Misfortune’ intensified day by day.
A chamberlain was severely injured or dead, Sledo developed a phobia of sharp objects, and Irid began to suspect even the people who merely passed by.
You, in that young body of just eleven years old, cried, trembled with anxiety, fell into panic, and then realized you had to act. Since the First Prince proposed a game to you…
In order to protect Irid, Sledo, and yourself…
You condemned him. You cried out that all this ‘misfortune’ was a sinister plot orchestrated by the First Prince.
But you had neither evidence to convince people nor the power to make them believe you even without evidence. So, you became someone ‘who was already trying to unfairly undercut her elder brother in the competition for the throne’.
You pleaded to him. In front of the First Prince, you begged him to stop all this.
But even this reaction seemed to invoke joy in him. As if it didn’t matter whether you were angry, crying, or laughing; all of it was nothing more than another enjoyable toy to him.
And then, in front of many people, he said this.
“You must have been in so much agony, Elaine….. These are hard times, so I understand why you are anxious. However, you must distinguish between delusion and reality.”
They were words that labeled you as mentally ill.
You realized then. That thing……First Prince ▒▒▒, whether he had been replaced midway…Or had always been like that, but was hiding his true nature. Regardless of which one it was, that thing was not human.
Did the old Emperor perhaps know?
About that indistinguishable thing coiled up in the Imperial Family?
The Emperor’s advice was…
Survival.
The anxiety that maybe, just maybe, all this might be a mental illness. The thin thread of faith in the First prince, along with a burning anger. The neurosis gnawing at you like indigestion. The guilt that grew every time your baby brothers were hurt and the pressure that the one-month deadline gave.
You were locked in your room, thinking all day long. Your golden hair, shining in the sunlight, had now faded. And after much thought, you came up with an answer.
You decided to disregard all these emotions. To survive.
If you solely thought about surviving, the answer was clear. The threat must be removed and that meant…the only way out was to kill the First Prince.
You wore a mask and pretended nothing was wrong, just waiting for your chance to strike.
And then, with desperation and much groundwork, you poured poison in the First Prince’s teacup.
That day’s scene remained etched in your mind like a brand. The First Prince drinking tea, then vomiting black blood. He gave a peaceful smile, gesturing with his eye, and then died as his head slammed onto the table.
Everyone in the Pagoda Palace knew. Who poisoned the First Prince. Who had the malicious intent to seize power from a young age, killing the most likely heir.
Accusatory and cold gazes were shot towards you, who finally felt relieved that everyone was over. A look that seemed to say, ‘How could you kill the First Prince who was so kind?’. The servants either avoided you or were afraid of you.
“I worked hard…….to survive, to protect everyone.”
You comforted yourself, saying that everything was now fine. You tried to say to Irid and Sledo── Let’s play happily in the yard, barefoot, just like how we did before ‘misfortune’ enveloped the Pagoda Palace.
“But I’m the one…who protected every……..one.”
However, all that returned was a gaze mixed with fear from your baby brothers.
You heard the sound of a crack. It was probably from your own heart. Tired of all those stares, you decide to just……let it be. As if this was how it originally was.
After that, Irid started to suspect you. In his eyes, you no longer looked like the kind sister you once were.
Sledo stopped talking to you. As if he would never consider someone who harmed family as his kin.
You, too, started to suspect yourself.
When you looked in the mirror, you saw the gaze of the old Emperor behind you.
The gaze of others still stung. Every time you heard someone’s laughter, you feared that the so-called jokes and games might start again.
You had a strange conviction that……There was no way the First Prince, who had committed such vile acts, would just disappear because of a single cup of poisoned tea.
As such, you solely thought about survival. Survival for today. Survival for tomorrow.
You gathered power, destroyed potential enemies, achieved great feats, and trained your body. It wasn’t for some dream…..but simply a struggle for survival.
No, it wasn’t simple. You had to cling to it. You had to at least hold onto that one short word: Survival. After all, survival was what you managed to barely grasp after losing all the beautiful memories of childhood and the affection of Irid and Sledo, your sole family.
It was the only thing left in your clutches.
You were alive, but not living.
The only task you held, survival, became a heavier and heavier burden as time passed. But still, you clung to it, because if you let go of even that, nothing would remain.
The wandering had not ended. The direction had lost its meaning. Even if you acted recklessly, there was no substance, no improvement from reflection, and no echo returned from sadly shouted pleas.
You couldn’t find hope that things would get better. As such…
You were still wandering, searching for ‘Paradise’.
To end this entire escape journey.
===============================================================
Distance remaining to Paradise.
About 30 centimeters.
A very formal way of saying oppa or big brother
