Chapter 132
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She fell into a novel. 117 years had passed.
This girl, who was 117 years old.
From the very beginning, she had been born inside this world. Inside the novel.
* * *
Carynne tried to stop her voice from trembling. Tried to stop herself from crying. There’s something she needed to confirm right now.
“There’s no way I didn’t know that at the start. As soon as I heard it, I realized. As soon as I heard that Mother and I are the same, I knew! There’s no way that I didn’t know…”
“I was told that Mother and I are the same…”
One beautiful, red-haired woman. Another beautiful red-haired woman. More beautiful, red-haired women.
“But I didn’t want to know that, and you didn’t tell me clearly either. It’s something that anyone would have realized… We didn’t confirm it, you and I both just spoke about it vaguely. And there’s that bullshit about love.”
“……”
Carynne felt like her throat was closing off. But no. She had to say it. She had to say it herself. It desperately needed to be said right now. In just a little while, the ending would come again, and she would die, and then start once more. If she would not be pushed to the point of killing other people again, then again—again—Dullan would not say anything at all.
“Mother gave birth to me, and if it stopped after that… Then it’s simple. It’s something that anyone would piece together. I just need to give birth and pass the curse to the child…”
Carynne needed to continue speaking. But it felt as if her blood was about to burst from her. She did not want to talk. She did not want to confirm it. She did not want a definite answer. But everything was undeniable—the words of Raymond, Missus Deere, Crown Prince Gueuze, Lewis, Catherine.
“So that’s how it is. My child… would be the result of love. If I find love, if I build a family with the person I love, then it will all be over.”
But this was not possible for Carynne. Carynne clenched her fists tighter. Her hands were bleeding. But she did not feel any pain. She wanted to run away. But she could not. Because.
“The comfort that you mentioned before… True love… After all, it’s just a load of bull, as expected. Just a mirage.”
Mother’s mother, the mother of Mother’s mother, a blessing passed down by blood, a repetition of time.
“Because I’m barren.”
In the end, Carynne said it.
Tears streamed down her eyes.
Many, many times.
Even if her father did not say it, even if Deere didn’t say it. Carynne doubted it several times during all her lifetimes. Her period was extremely irregular. But that’s just how a woman’s body would respond to extreme stress. Carynne tried not to think about it.
She had spent countless nights with countless men, but nothing came out of any of that. Out of curiosity, she met more and more men. Meet, fuck, check. If nothing bore fruit with Raymond, then she’d check with Dullan. If not him, then Borwen. If not him, then another man. And another man. Even the sexual offenders on the streets. Even married men who already had children.
And in the end, Carynne had no choice but to face the truth.
She was incapable of bearing children.
“Then… The way to end it all… is impossible for me. Isn’t it?”
Carynne looked at Dullan. Her eyes continued to overflow. She could not tell if what spilled down were tears or blood. But she could still see Dullan. In the meantime, she wished to be given denial. She wished to be given hope.
“……”
But Dullan nodded.
It was a death sentence.
“…I see.”
She did not scream.
Inside the room, the silence was deafening.
* * *
She could not even cry.
“……”
Now lying down, Carynne’s eyes remained dry. It didn’t matter if time continued to flow. She needed time for herself—to shut herself away. Up until a while ago, prison felt like a good escape, but not anymore for Carynne. There was only one day left before the trial. No. Actually, she had a lot of time. So much time. She had an eternity ahead of her. It’s been like that since the beginning.
She did not know what to do. She just lied down. If she’d just lay here like a stone statue, then no thoughts would reach her…
Someone, just kill me. Someone, just put me in a coffin, tie it to a boulder, and throw me into the depths of the ocean. So that I won’t come back to life.
But then, even if that’s done to me, I’ll still be reborn. The next time I open my eyes, I’ll be in that cold garden yet again, standing alone beneath the rain.
No matter how desperate I am, time will pass.
Even if I want to, I can’t go entirely insane. No, maybe I’ve already crossed that threshold? Who in this world could define lunacy anyway? I don’t want to think about anything. If I can just stay here, like a tree or like a stone, I…
But Carynne knew. Even if she wanted to hit her head, even if she wanted to go off the deep end, all her wounds would heal over time. Her body would forcefully be reverted to its original state, and so would her mind. After all, the mind was connected to the body. She could never be free from the shackles of sanity. Forever.
Morning came.
Even if she wanted to die, morning would never fail to come to her. Regardless of the fact that the cruel truth had been revealed plain and clear now, morning would come. Nothing would change.
“Carynne Evans, it’s the day of your trial. Come out.”
“……”
Carynne had just remained on the bed all night, weeping. Lying still like a corpse. Shedding tears. Nevertheless, morning came. Her judgment was over. Now, it was time for human judgment. A trivial thing that was of no consequence to Carynne.
She turned her head, but she could not get up. Because all she did was lie there and cry all night, she had no strength left inside her.
“Get up… Damn it. You, open the door and go in.”
A prison guard went in and roughly raised Carynne from the bed. As she had been lying there, tears continued to fall, but now that she was dragged by them, she had to get up. She tried to stand on her own, but she did not have enough strength.
Still, it did not matter. They were the same people who’d drag her to the stand. One way or another, they would hand Carynne over to the court, then sentence her to death. This time, too.
“Carynne, please come to your senses.”
Before she knew it, Raymond was next to her.
Carynne looked forward. She did not notice how it happened, but she had been dragged outside. She was no longer in her prison cell. Even if she did not move a single muscle, she could not avoid the events that would transpire. Yet again, time moved forward.
Ah, I think I really have gone crazy now. I can’t remember how I came here.
Raymond firmly held Carynne’s shoulders.
“…It’s time to go into the courtroom. I’m saying this just in case, but… Please, just stay still.”
Carynne looked down at the shackles on her wrists. She’s here for the crime of killing Crown Prince Gueuze. She raised her head. There, Raymond’s face. He always had the same face. However, it’s rare to see him be so tired like this. He’s about to go into a courtroom, so he dressed neatly. But beyond that, his face and his body exuded fatigue. This was new.
“Carynne.”
“Yes, Sir Raymond.”
Carynne finally opened her lips to speak. A hoarse voice came out—a voice that she did not want to hear. But no one paid any attention to this. Raymond tightened his grip on her shoulders as he spoke.
“The Marquis has agreed to disclose Crown Prince Gueuze’s misdeeds. And I’ve already handed over all of the evidence. I also got in touch with the jury separately.”
“You’re becoming a villain.”
“It is only an expression of my sincerity.”
Raymond remained adamant. He did not believe Carynne. What Carynne wished for was a distant hope—perfection that would glimmer dimly far away. But Raymond staunchly remained rooted in reality. This time, too.
It didn’t seem like he ever believed her. Because he’s an unchanging man. Still, he tried. This time, too.
“…Please have strength.”
But that meant nothing.
“There is hope. So please, keep your wits about you. You’ll… You’ll only be given a verdict for the crime that you truly committed.”
Despite it all, he never promised that she would be completely acquitted from everything. Carynne smirked.
Love is meaningless.
Death is meaningless.
Why is he even still trying.
“Please get it together.”
“…Yes, I under…stand.”
She needed to get it together.
Next to Carynne were the prison guards, Raymond, and her lawyer. To them, what she’s doing was nothing short of whining. They would do nothing even as Carynne’s world was crumbling before her very eyes. Even if she were to cry and falter in the middle of the stage, she was not allowed to collapse. That would be the finale.
“In this life, I will also… I will do my best.”
A death sentence, or perhaps another way to die. The end of this life was just around the corner anyway. Carynne was so, utterly tired. All she wanted to do was lie down and rest. Even thinking was too exhausting.
In the next life, she should just not leave her room. She would just lie down… just lie down, so…
“…ll be fine.”
And so, without another word said between Carynne and Raymond, they took a step forward. It was now truly time to enter the courtroom. Carynne could not wait for the end. All she wanted was to stay in her room and do nothing.
The prison doors opened.
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She fell into a novel. 117 years had passed.
This girl, who was 117 years old.
From the very beginning, she had been born inside this world. Inside the novel.
* * *
Carynne tried to stop her voice from trembling. Tried to stop herself from crying. There’s something she needed to confirm right now.
“There’s no way I didn’t know that at the start. As soon as I heard it, I realized. As soon as I heard that Mother and I are the same, I knew! There’s no way that I didn’t know…”
“I was told that Mother and I are the same…”
One beautiful, red-haired woman. Another beautiful red-haired woman. More beautiful, red-haired women.
“But I didn’t want to know that, and you didn’t tell me clearly either. It’s something that anyone would have realized… We didn’t confirm it, you and I both just spoke about it vaguely. And there’s that bullshit about love.”
“……”
Carynne felt like her throat was closing off. But no. She had to say it. She had to say it herself. It desperately needed to be said right now. In just a little while, the ending would come again, and she would die, and then start once more. If she would not be pushed to the point of killing other people again, then again—again—Dullan would not say anything at all.
“Mother gave birth to me, and if it stopped after that… Then it’s simple. It’s something that anyone would piece together. I just need to give birth and pass the curse to the child…”
Carynne needed to continue speaking. But it felt as if her blood was about to burst from her. She did not want to talk. She did not want to confirm it. She did not want a definite answer. But everything was undeniable—the words of Raymond, Missus Deere, Crown Prince Gueuze, Lewis, Catherine.
“So that’s how it is. My child… would be the result of love. If I find love, if I build a family with the person I love, then it will all be over.”
But this was not possible for Carynne. Carynne clenched her fists tighter. Her hands were bleeding. But she did not feel any pain. She wanted to run away. But she could not. Because.
“The comfort that you mentioned before… True love… After all, it’s just a load of bull, as expected. Just a mirage.”
Mother’s mother, the mother of Mother’s mother, a blessing passed down by blood, a repetition of time.
“Because I’m barren.”
In the end, Carynne said it.
Tears streamed down her eyes.
Many, many times.
Even if her father did not say it, even if Deere didn’t say it. Carynne doubted it several times during all her lifetimes. Her period was extremely irregular. But that’s just how a woman’s body would respond to extreme stress. Carynne tried not to think about it.
She had spent countless nights with countless men, but nothing came out of any of that. Out of curiosity, she met more and more men. Meet, fuck, check. If nothing bore fruit with Raymond, then she’d check with Dullan. If not him, then Borwen. If not him, then another man. And another man. Even the sexual offenders on the streets. Even married men who already had children.
And in the end, Carynne had no choice but to face the truth.
She was incapable of bearing children.
“Then… The way to end it all… is impossible for me. Isn’t it?”
Carynne looked at Dullan. Her eyes continued to overflow. She could not tell if what spilled down were tears or blood. But she could still see Dullan. In the meantime, she wished to be given denial. She wished to be given hope.
“……”
But Dullan nodded.
It was a death sentence.
“…I see.”
She did not scream.
Inside the room, the silence was deafening.
* * *
She could not even cry.
“……”
Now lying down, Carynne’s eyes remained dry. It didn’t matter if time continued to flow. She needed time for herself—to shut herself away. Up until a while ago, prison felt like a good escape, but not anymore for Carynne. There was only one day left before the trial. No. Actually, she had a lot of time. So much time. She had an eternity ahead of her. It’s been like that since the beginning.
She did not know what to do. She just lied down. If she’d just lay here like a stone statue, then no thoughts would reach her…
Someone, just kill me. Someone, just put me in a coffin, tie it to a boulder, and throw me into the depths of the ocean. So that I won’t come back to life.
But then, even if that’s done to me, I’ll still be reborn. The next time I open my eyes, I’ll be in that cold garden yet again, standing alone beneath the rain.
No matter how desperate I am, time will pass.
Even if I want to, I can’t go entirely insane. No, maybe I’ve already crossed that threshold? Who in this world could define lunacy anyway? I don’t want to think about anything. If I can just stay here, like a tree or like a stone, I…
But Carynne knew. Even if she wanted to hit her head, even if she wanted to go off the deep end, all her wounds would heal over time. Her body would forcefully be reverted to its original state, and so would her mind. After all, the mind was connected to the body. She could never be free from the shackles of sanity. Forever.
Morning came.
Even if she wanted to die, morning would never fail to come to her. Regardless of the fact that the cruel truth had been revealed plain and clear now, morning would come. Nothing would change.
“Carynne Evans, it’s the day of your trial. Come out.”
“……”
Carynne had just remained on the bed all night, weeping. Lying still like a corpse. Shedding tears. Nevertheless, morning came. Her judgment was over. Now, it was time for human judgment. A trivial thing that was of no consequence to Carynne.
She turned her head, but she could not get up. Because all she did was lie there and cry all night, she had no strength left inside her.
“Get up… Damn it. You, open the door and go in.”
A prison guard went in and roughly raised Carynne from the bed. As she had been lying there, tears continued to fall, but now that she was dragged by them, she had to get up. She tried to stand on her own, but she did not have enough strength.
Still, it did not matter. They were the same people who’d drag her to the stand. One way or another, they would hand Carynne over to the court, then sentence her to death. This time, too.
“Carynne, please come to your senses.”
Before she knew it, Raymond was next to her.
Carynne looked forward. She did not notice how it happened, but she had been dragged outside. She was no longer in her prison cell. Even if she did not move a single muscle, she could not avoid the events that would transpire. Yet again, time moved forward.
Ah, I think I really have gone crazy now. I can’t remember how I came here.
Raymond firmly held Carynne’s shoulders.
“…It’s time to go into the courtroom. I’m saying this just in case, but… Please, just stay still.”
Carynne looked down at the shackles on her wrists. She’s here for the crime of killing Crown Prince Gueuze. She raised her head. There, Raymond’s face. He always had the same face. However, it’s rare to see him be so tired like this. He’s about to go into a courtroom, so he dressed neatly. But beyond that, his face and his body exuded fatigue. This was new.
“Carynne.”
“Yes, Sir Raymond.”
Carynne finally opened her lips to speak. A hoarse voice came out—a voice that she did not want to hear. But no one paid any attention to this. Raymond tightened his grip on her shoulders as he spoke.
“The Marquis has agreed to disclose Crown Prince Gueuze’s misdeeds. And I’ve already handed over all of the evidence. I also got in touch with the jury separately.”
“You’re becoming a villain.”
“It is only an expression of my sincerity.”
Raymond remained adamant. He did not believe Carynne. What Carynne wished for was a distant hope—perfection that would glimmer dimly far away. But Raymond staunchly remained rooted in reality. This time, too.
It didn’t seem like he ever believed her. Because he’s an unchanging man. Still, he tried. This time, too.
“…Please have strength.”
But that meant nothing.
“There is hope. So please, keep your wits about you. You’ll… You’ll only be given a verdict for the crime that you truly committed.”
Despite it all, he never promised that she would be completely acquitted from everything. Carynne smirked.
Love is meaningless.
Death is meaningless.
Why is he even still trying.
“Please get it together.”
“…Yes, I under…stand.”
She needed to get it together.
Next to Carynne were the prison guards, Raymond, and her lawyer. To them, what she’s doing was nothing short of whining. They would do nothing even as Carynne’s world was crumbling before her very eyes. Even if she were to cry and falter in the middle of the stage, she was not allowed to collapse. That would be the finale.
“In this life, I will also… I will do my best.”
A death sentence, or perhaps another way to die. The end of this life was just around the corner anyway. Carynne was so, utterly tired. All she wanted to do was lie down and rest. Even thinking was too exhausting.
In the next life, she should just not leave her room. She would just lie down… just lie down, so…
“…ll be fine.”
And so, without another word said between Carynne and Raymond, they took a step forward. It was now truly time to enter the courtroom. Carynne could not wait for the end. All she wanted was to stay in her room and do nothing.
The prison doors opened.
She fell into a novel. 117 years had passed.This girl, who was 117 years old.From the very beginning, she had been born inside this world. Inside the novel.* * *Carynne tried to stop her voice from trembling. Tried to stop herself from crying. There's something she needed to confirm right now.There's no way I didn't know that at the start. As soon as I heard it, I realized. As soon as I heard that Mother and I are the same, I knew! There's no way that I didn't knowI was told that Mother and I are the sameOne beautiful, red-haired woman. Another beautiful red-haired woman. More beautiful, red-haired women.But I didn't want to know that, andyoudidn't tell me clearly either. It's something that anyone would have realized We didn't confirm it, you and I both just spoke about it vaguely. And there's that bullshit about love.Carynne felt like her throat was closing off. But no. She had to say it. She had to say it herself. It desperately needed to be said right now. In just a little while, the ending would come again, and she would die, and then start once more. If she would not be pushed to the point of killing other people again, then againagainDullan would not say anything at all.Mother gave birth to me, and if it stopped after that Then it's simple. It's something that anyone would piece together. I just need to give birth and pass the curse to the childCarynne needed to continue speaking. But it felt as if her blood was about to burst from her. She did not want to talk. She did not want to confirm it. She did not want a definite answer. But everything was undeniablethe words of Raymond, Missus Deere, Crown Prince Gueuze, Lewis, Catherine.So that's how it is. My child would be the result of love. If I find love, if I build a family with the person I love, then it will all be over.But this was not possible for Carynne. Carynne clenched her fists tighter. Her hands were bleeding. But she did not feel any pain. She wanted to run away. But she could not. Because.The comfort that you mentioned before True love After all, it's just a load of bull, as expected. Just a mirage.Mother's mother, the mother of Mother's mother, a blessing passed down by blood, a repetition of time.Because I'm barren.In the end, Carynne said it.Tears streamed down her eyes.Many, many times.Even if her father did not say it, even if Deere didn't say it. Carynne doubted it several times during all her lifetimes. Her period was extremely irregular. But that's just how a woman's body would respond to extreme stress. Carynne tried not to think about it.She had spent countless nights with countless men, but nothing came out of any of that. Out of curiosity, she met more and more men. Meet, fuck, check. If nothing bore fruit with Raymond, then she'd check with Dullan. If not him, then Borwen. If not him, then another man. And another man. Even the sexual offenders on the streets. Even married men who already had children.And in the end, Carynne had no choice but to face the truth.She was incapable of bearing children.Then The way to end it all is impossible for me. Isn't it?Carynne looked at Dullan. Her eyes continued to overflow. She could not tell if what spilled down were tears or blood. But she could still see Dullan. In the meantime, she wished to be given denial. She wished to be given hope.But Dullan nodded.It was a death sentence.I see.She did not scream.Inside the room, the silence was deafening.* * *She could not even cry.Now lying down, Carynne's eyes remained dry. It didn't matter if time continued to flow. She needed time for herselfto shut herself away. Up until a while ago, prison felt like a good escape, but not anymore for Carynne. There was only one day left before the trial. No. Actually, she had a lot of time. So much time. She had an eternity ahead of her. It's been like that since the beginning.She did not know what to do. She just lied down. If she'd just lay here like a stone statue, then no thoughts would reach herSomeone, just kill me. Someone, just put me in a coffin, tie it to a boulder, and throw me into the depths of the ocean. So that I won't come back to life.But then, even if that's done to me, I'll still be reborn. The next time I open my eyes, I'll be in that cold garden yet again, standing alone beneath the rain.No matter how desperate I am, time will pass.Even if I want to, I can't go entirely insane. No, maybe I've already crossed that threshold? Who in this world could define lunacy anyway? I don't want to think about anything. If I can just stay here, like a tree or like a stone, IBut Carynne knew. Even if she wanted to hit her head, even if she wanted to go off the deep end, all her wounds would heal over time. Her body would forcefully be reverted to its original state, and so would her mind. After all, the mind was connected to the body. She could never be free from the shackles of sanity. Forever.Morning came.Even if she wanted to die, morning would never fail to come to her. Regardless of the fact that the cruel truth had been revealed plain and clear now, morning would come. Nothing would change.Carynne Evans, it's the day of your trial. Come out.Carynne had just remained on the bed all night, weeping. Lying still like a corpse. Shedding tears. Nevertheless, morning came. Her judgment was over. Now, it was time for human judgment. A trivial thing that was of no consequence to Carynne.She turned her head, but she could not get up. Because all she did was lie there and cry all night, she had no strength left inside her.Get up Damn it. You, open the door and go in.A prison guard went in and roughly raised Carynne from the bed. As she had been lying there, tears continued to fall, but now that she was dragged by them, she had to get up. She tried to stand on her own, but she did not have enough strength.Still, it did not matter. They were the same people who'd drag her to the stand. One way or another, they would hand Carynne over to the court, then sentence her to death. This time, too.Carynne, please come to your senses.Before she knew it, Raymond was next to her.Carynne looked forward. She did not notice how it happened, but she had been dragged outside. She was no longer in her prison cell. Even if she did not move a single muscle, she could not avoid the events that would transpire. Yet again, time moved forward.Ah, I think I really have gone crazy now. I can't remember how I came here.Raymond firmly held Carynne's shoulders.It's time to go into the courtroom. I'm saying this just in case, but Please, just stay still.Carynne looked down at the shackles on her wrists. She's here for the crime of killing Crown Prince Gueuze. She raised her head. There, Raymond's face. He always had the same face. However, it's rare to see him be so tired like this. He's about to go into a courtroom, so he dressed neatly. But beyond that, his face and his body exuded fatigue. This was new.Carynne.Yes, Sir Raymond.Carynne finally opened her lips to speak. A hoarse voice came outa voice that she did not want to hear. But no one paid any attention to this. Raymond tightened his grip on her shoulders as he spoke.The Marquis has agreed to disclose Crown Prince Gueuze's misdeeds. And I've already handed over all of the evidence. I also got in touch with the jury separately.You're becoming a villain.It is only an expression of my sincerity.Raymond remained adamant. He did not believe Carynne. What Carynne wished for was a distant hopeperfection that would glimmer dimly far away. But Raymond staunchly remained rooted in reality. This time, too.It didn't seem like he ever believed her. Because he's an unchanging man. Still, he tried. This time, too.Please have strength.But that meant nothing.There is hope. So please, keep your wits about you. You'll You'll only be given a verdict for the crime that you truly committed.Despite it all, he never promised that she would be completely acquitted from everything. Carynne smirked.Love is meaningless.Death is meaningless.Why is he even still trying.Please get it together.Yes, I understand.She needed to get it together.Next to Carynne were the prison guards, Raymond, and her lawyer. To them, what she's doing was nothing short of whining. They would do nothing even as Carynne's world was crumbling before her very eyes. Even if she were to cry and falter in the middle of the stage, she was not allowed to collapse. That would be the finale.In this life, I will also I will do my best.A death sentence, or perhaps another way to die. The end of this life was just around the corner anyway. Carynne was so,utterlytired. All she wanted to do was lie down and rest. Even thinking was too exhausting.In the next life, she should just not leave her room. She would just lie down just lie down, soll be fine.And so, without another word said between Carynne and Raymond, they took a step forward. It was now truly time to enter the courtroom. Carynne could not wait for the end. All she wanted was to stay in her room and do nothing.The prison doors opened.
