There was a sense that he needed to say something important to her but couldn’t, and he appeared indecisive. Anyone who’d watch him like this would feel increasingly uneasy.
“Hm, ahem.”
Carynne cleared her throat. However, Raymond continued his hesitant steps without stopping. He seemed deeply lost in thought.
“Sir Raymond.”
“…Carynne, are you awake?”
He halted his steps, but his expression was awkward, and his fingers fidgeted.
“Did you manage to ruin dinner, or did you tear my clothes again?”
“No.”
“Then why do you look so distracted? Your buttons are even misaligned.”
He grumbled.
“Well, there are only two of us anyway… I apologize.”
As she beckoned Raymond to come, he approached the bench. She sat up straight and unbuttoned and rebuttoned his shirt.
“I can do it.”
“Your mind seems too scattered right now. What’s going on?”
“…Something has come up that I can’t postpone any longer.”
What could it be?
Carynne sensed a slight tremor of curiosity. Procrastinating, anxious. It was something rarely seen in Raymond.
“Why don’t you just say it instead of being so indecisive? Just tell me.”
When she looked at him, he answered with a slight frown. It seemed like he didn’t like saying these words.
“Carynne, how well can you handle a gun?”
It was an unexpected question. She was slightly taken aback but replied.
“Just… I know at least how to put bullets into the barrel of a pistol to load it.”
“I’ll give you a rifle. Can you snipe a person’s head from the third floor of the mansion to the garden?”
“…Is that even possible for me?”
Carynne looked at him with a bewildered expression, but he remained serious. He rubbed his chin and asked again.
“Then let’s assume you have an axe.”
“I don’t have one.”
But he continued speaking while drawing a long axe in the air with his hand.
“Assuming you have an axe, well, not to that extent, but someone like Xenon… If a regular adult man were to charge at you, could you strike his neck with an axe?”
“If someone else restrained or drugged the man to make him unable to move properly, then I could do it.”
“…How did you kill Crown Prince Gueuze?”
Watching Raymond put on an expression like, ‘You can do it!’ she jabbed her finger into his chest to snap him out of it.
“Donna helped me. And hitting someone from behind while they’re distracted with other things is completely different from confronting someone who’s rushing straight at me. Why are you asking this? You know better.”
He pressed his forehead with his hand.
He realized he had been saying a series of foolish things.
“It’s easy to throw a hand grenade.”
“……”
It seemed he still hadn’t fully grasped it.
Carynne stared at him, getting too exasperated to continue speaking. As silence lingered, Raymond finally bowed his head, intertwining his fingers together. His expression was grim.
“…I’m getting old. I think I’m going senile.”
“No, it’s a relief, Sir Raymond. But why are you acting like this?”
“…Because I think you should stay alone, Carynne.”
Time had passed without her noticing. She had finally understood why he was acting so strangely. It was time for her to be alone in this mansion. That time had come. Three months had passed.
It was the day Raymond had to leave for work.
* * *
Raymond held a grenade in his hand and enthusiastically explained. In summary, all she had to do was pull the pin and throw it. Then, he handed her a decorative item of similar weight.
“Let’s start by testing throwing this. It’s dangerous inside the house.”
Carynne stared at it silently.
“What if I throw a grenade and it causes a wildfire? Who’s going to put it out?”
“I will…”
Despite answering like that, he soon realized it was impossible and fell silent.
In the end, the only thing she could handle was a pistol similar to the one he used. He gave her the pistol with a not-so-pleased expression.
“I guess I’m still uneasy about this. If bandits or wild animals attack, you’ll be defenseless.”
“That’s why I said we shouldn’t be without servants.”
“…How can we trust the servants?”
In life, there are things that cannot be avoided no matter how hard one tries. He was no exception to this. The butterfly effects that had accumulated before the repetition created the events of the present. Raymond had no choice but to leave Carynne at this moment. Just as he had no choice but to report for duty when Crown Prince Gueuze had approached her.
She had listened to him for a long time about how to effectively wield a hand axe and how to load a rifle and advance in a firing position, but in her eyes, it seemed like an impossible task.
“You’re leaving in a few days, so how effective is all of this now? Why didn’t you say anything until now?”
“I thought I’d be able to come back in just one day.”
“But has the plan changed?”
“Yes, the target is in a different location than before.”
“I see.”
After struggling in the garden and the hall for a while, they both decided to have a cup of tea in the drawing-room.
“I even considered taking you with me, but that seemed more dangerous.”
“Me?”
Raymond shrugged casually, saying it was just a hypothetical situation.
Carynne thought about arguing with him as he was talking nonsense, but she just sipped her tea quietly though it was too hot. She was too tired, and she couldn’t even taste the flavor of the tea.
“If you at least had the physique and strength like Xenon, I would take you with me.”
“Raymond, Xenon is stronger than most men, isn’t he?”
“It’s a meaningless assumption. Besides, even if you gained weight, you wouldn’t grow taller.”
He sighed and said, making a face that looked like he was wishing things were different.
“Ah… I remember that too…”
Just forget about it.
Carynne blushed, thinking about a time when she had gained weight but wasn’t satisfied with her appearance.
“By the way, why didn’t you try to build muscle? It’s better to have a strong body than a weak one. It might be a bit challenging in just a year, but how about seriously training your body later? I’ll help you.”
Hearing him say that, she couldn’t help but imagine how her thin arms would be if they’d become the same size as her waist.
“I don’t want to,” she replied firmly.
“Think about it, Carynne. If you have a strong physique, no one will underestimate you wherever you go. It would certainly be convenient.”
“That’s because you’re a man. What use do I have for getting stronger? And I can’t suddenly become as tall or muscular as you.”
“It would reduce the chances of you dying.”
“Raymond, stop it with the unfunny jokes.”
“I’m being serious though.”
“Stop.”
When Carynne pinched Raymond’s side hard, he made a sound like ‘ouch’ and finally stopped. Then, he chuckled to himself, as if he realized how impractical it all sounded. He sighed.
“It’s certainly making me feel uneasy. You’ve never been in danger in this iteration.”
“Well, most of what I did was just work. Back then… I guess I moved a bit aggressively because of the backlash.”
Carynne had always been scheduled to die in a year’s time, but she hadn’t died before that designated time. Even when faced with life-threatening situations, she wouldn’t die.
However, after 117 years, this unspoken rule changed, allowing her to die before the designated time. But still, if she wouldn’t push herself too hard, she felt like she would live reasonably well until a year passed.
“Nothing major will happen.”
In reality, even if she died and started over, it wasn’t as terrifying anymore. It was because Raymond remembers.
She didn’t have to be scared about starting all over again, because even if she would, there’s someone who could remember her.
There was a sense that he needed to say something important to her but couldn’t, and he appeared indecisive. Anyone who’d watch him like this would feel increasingly uneasy.
“Hm, ahem.”
Carynne cleared her throat. However, Raymond continued his hesitant steps without stopping. He seemed deeply lost in thought.
“Sir Raymond.”
“…Carynne, are you awake?”
He halted his steps, but his expression was awkward, and his fingers fidgeted.
“Did you manage to ruin dinner, or did you tear my clothes again?”
“No.”
“Then why do you look so distracted? Your buttons are even misaligned.”
He grumbled.
“Well, there are only two of us anyway… I apologize.”
As she beckoned Raymond to come, he approached the bench. She sat up straight and unbuttoned and rebuttoned his shirt.
“I can do it.”
“Your mind seems too scattered right now. What’s going on?”
“…Something has come up that I can’t postpone any longer.”
What could it be?
Carynne sensed a slight tremor of curiosity. Procrastinating, anxious. It was something rarely seen in Raymond.
“Why don’t you just say it instead of being so indecisive? Just tell me.”
When she looked at him, he answered with a slight frown. It seemed like he didn’t like saying these words.
“Carynne, how well can you handle a gun?”
It was an unexpected question. She was slightly taken aback but replied.
“Just… I know at least how to put bullets into the barrel of a pistol to load it.”
“I’ll give you a rifle. Can you snipe a person’s head from the third floor of the mansion to the garden?”
“…Is that even possible for me?”
Carynne looked at him with a bewildered expression, but he remained serious. He rubbed his chin and asked again.
“Then let’s assume you have an axe.”
“I don’t have one.”
But he continued speaking while drawing a long axe in the air with his hand.
“Assuming you have an axe, well, not to that extent, but someone like Xenon… If a regular adult man were to charge at you, could you strike his neck with an axe?”
“If someone else restrained or drugged the man to make him unable to move properly, then I could do it.”
“…How did you kill Crown Prince Gueuze?”
Watching Raymond put on an expression like, ‘You can do it!’ she jabbed her finger into his chest to snap him out of it.
“Donna helped me. And hitting someone from behind while they’re distracted with other things is completely different from confronting someone who’s rushing straight at me. Why are you asking this? You know better.”
He pressed his forehead with his hand.
He realized he had been saying a series of foolish things.
“It’s easy to throw a hand grenade.”
“……”
It seemed he still hadn’t fully grasped it.
Carynne stared at him, getting too exasperated to continue speaking. As silence lingered, Raymond finally bowed his head, intertwining his fingers together. His expression was grim.
“…I’m getting old. I think I’m going senile.”
“No, it’s a relief, Sir Raymond. But why are you acting like this?”
“…Because I think you should stay alone, Carynne.”
Time had passed without her noticing. She had finally understood why he was acting so strangely. It was time for her to be alone in this mansion. That time had come. Three months had passed.
It was the day Raymond had to leave for work.
* * *
Raymond held a grenade in his hand and enthusiastically explained. In summary, all she had to do was pull the pin and throw it. Then, he handed her a decorative item of similar weight.
“Let’s start by testing throwing this. It’s dangerous inside the house.”
Carynne stared at it silently.
“What if I throw a grenade and it causes a wildfire? Who’s going to put it out?”
“I will…”
Despite answering like that, he soon realized it was impossible and fell silent.
In the end, the only thing she could handle was a pistol similar to the one he used. He gave her the pistol with a not-so-pleased expression.
“I guess I’m still uneasy about this. If bandits or wild animals attack, you’ll be defenseless.”
“That’s why I said we shouldn’t be without servants.”
“…How can we trust the servants?”
In life, there are things that cannot be avoided no matter how hard one tries. He was no exception to this. The butterfly effects that had accumulated before the repetition created the events of the present. Raymond had no choice but to leave Carynne at this moment. Just as he had no choice but to report for duty when Crown Prince Gueuze had approached her.
She had listened to him for a long time about how to effectively wield a hand axe and how to load a rifle and advance in a firing position, but in her eyes, it seemed like an impossible task.
“You’re leaving in a few days, so how effective is all of this now? Why didn’t you say anything until now?”
“I thought I’d be able to come back in just one day.”
“But has the plan changed?”
“Yes, the target is in a different location than before.”
“I see.”
After struggling in the garden and the hall for a while, they both decided to have a cup of tea in the drawing-room.
“I even considered taking you with me, but that seemed more dangerous.”
“Me?”
Raymond shrugged casually, saying it was just a hypothetical situation.
Carynne thought about arguing with him as he was talking nonsense, but she just sipped her tea quietly though it was too hot. She was too tired, and she couldn’t even taste the flavor of the tea.
“If you at least had the physique and strength like Xenon, I would take you with me.”
“Raymond, Xenon is stronger than most men, isn’t he?”
“It’s a meaningless assumption. Besides, even if you gained weight, you wouldn’t grow taller.”
He sighed and said, making a face that looked like he was wishing things were different.
“Ah… I remember that too…”
Just forget about it.
Carynne blushed, thinking about a time when she had gained weight but wasn’t satisfied with her appearance.
“By the way, why didn’t you try to build muscle? It’s better to have a strong body than a weak one. It might be a bit challenging in just a year, but how about seriously training your body later? I’ll help you.”
Hearing him say that, she couldn’t help but imagine how her thin arms would be if they’d become the same size as her waist.
“I don’t want to,” she replied firmly.
“Think about it, Carynne. If you have a strong physique, no one will underestimate you wherever you go. It would certainly be convenient.”
“That’s because you’re a man. What use do I have for getting stronger? And I can’t suddenly become as tall or muscular as you.”
“It would reduce the chances of you dying.”
“Raymond, stop it with the unfunny jokes.”
“I’m being serious though.”
“Stop.”
When Carynne pinched Raymond’s side hard, he made a sound like ‘ouch’ and finally stopped. Then, he chuckled to himself, as if he realized how impractical it all sounded. He sighed.
“It’s certainly making me feel uneasy. You’ve never been in danger in this iteration.”
“Well, most of what I did was just work. Back then… I guess I moved a bit aggressively because of the backlash.”
Carynne had always been scheduled to die in a year’s time, but she hadn’t died before that designated time. Even when faced with life-threatening situations, she wouldn’t die.
However, after 117 years, this unspoken rule changed, allowing her to die before the designated time. But still, if she wouldn’t push herself too hard, she felt like she would live reasonably well until a year passed.
“Nothing major will happen.”
In reality, even if she died and started over, it wasn’t as terrifying anymore. It was because Raymond remembers.
She didn’t have to be scared about starting all over again, because even if she would, there’s someone who could remember her.
