Chapter 790
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Chapter 790
Multitasking is hard.
Not the act of multitasking itself, which Ive found is a fairly simple process. My squadron of tethered Natal Souls are handling things from behind their desks inside the Call Centre of the Void, scanning the crowd for receptive Imperials before dispatching severed Natal Souls to go help them, and there are many successes to be noted. Not only that, efficiency is at an all time high with minimal waste, as Im also targeting individuals who could have the greatest overall effect. Not just Mila, Yan, and Luo-Luo, but also Experts on the cusp of greatness and Irregulars who only missed Core Formation by just that little bit. Dunno how I feel about that last part, because oddly enough, the Irregulars are not only open to receiving my assistance, but many of them are hoping for it. There have been rumours abound regarding my Stormguard, but Id rather not have the whole world believing I can help people succeed at Core Formation, because while it is true, its not without cost, and some people are easier to help than others.
That being said, despite going to great lengths not to overtax myself, Im still spreading myself thin by severing Natal Souls left and right, but at least now I can sense the damage Im causing and can more easily stay within my limits. To say I have a migraine would be doing it a disservice, for this is far more than a mere headache, but its nothing I cant handle. Or so I thought, but now the beating of my too-loud heart threatens to shatter my skull from within as the pounding rain drops do the same from the outside, and the thunderous roar of cannon-fire only makes it all that much worse. My vision blurs, my mind fogs, and I struggle to find myself in all the chaos and confusion within the tangled weave of thoughts, emotions, and sensations happening all at once. Live and learn, or so they say, except I never seem to learn, not without an excess of needless suffering first. In Meng Sha, I experienced first-hand how unpleasant it was to have countless Natal Souls telling me their lifes story all at once, yet here I am suffering from the same issue again, except this time, I brought it upon myself willingly and in real time. Even knowing information overload would be a problem, I decided the best option moving forward was to create a pseudo hive-mind of tethered Natal Souls so I could experience all their thoughts and emotions all at once, and now I am paying the price for my foolishness.
I had my reasons for doing things in this way, good reasons too, but I definitely should have put some effort into mitigating this problem beforehand. With my Call Centre Agents all tethered in, I can pay the emotional costs associated with their individual experiences, leading to no consumption of Heavenly Energy when they feel anger, frustration, amusement, or whatever. The problem is, I have never been great at managing my emotions, nor am I particularly kind to myself, so having a whole hive-mind of other mes unloading all their emotional baggage is almost too much for me to bear, and my self-disparaging remarks put me over the edge. Hubris is whats done me in, sheer arrogance in thinking I could handle these burdens and soldier on, because the benefits surely outweighed the drawbacks.
And they do, except I sort of forgot about Blobby. When you have a stowaway Heavenly Spirit ready and waiting to Cleanse away your very existence should you ever step a toe over the line, you wanna make sure you have this Balance thing on lockdown. Now, historically, even though Balance has always come easily to me, Ive also had my issues with it as well. Thats why I said fuck Balance and set out on a new Path, but this option is now closed to me once I reunited with Blobby. I can no longer afford to send him off on a trip through the Azure Sea, because I need his help to defeat Zhen Shi, who I know is nearby but cannot for the life of me find. I know this in my heart of hearts, though I admit Im not entirely sure how the Heavenly Tear is supposed to help, but Im not willing to risk sending him away with the endgame now upon us. This means that I need to keep to Balance lest he Cleanse me into nothingness, but Im really struggling with it now that Im feeling so very much from so many different perspectives. The sum total of one Falling Rains emotional baggage is usually too much for me to handle, and now Ive got enough luggage to fill an airport carousel and then some. Its not a simple matter of just focusing on the positives, because thats not what Balance is all about, nor can I allow myself to succumb to the deluge of negatives threatening to bury my psyche in a deep, dark hole from which it can never return. I need to find Balance, find a way to feel these emotions without giving into them, to neither struggle nor surrender, which is easier said than done.
With Heavenly Energy, its a simple enough concept, to become the dam, the wall, the forge, and the drill, an instrument with which to interact with the natural forces of the world, but emotions are a whole different kettle of fish. How do I watch someone die and perceive all his regrets without being affected? How do I immerse myself in the righteous fury of that dying soldiers allies without getting swept away? How do I indulge in the heady vindication of striking down a killer without being intoxicated by the allure of vengeance? This is but a brief snapshot of what Im getting from a single Natal Souls perspective, which is already burden enough, but there are hundreds of more perspectives to consider all at once.
And so, feeling myself slip beneath the weight of all these emotions and Blobbys growing hunger and agitation, I deal with my emotions the best way I know how, by distancing myself from it all. Though I know this is only a temporary solution and that I will have to deal with these emotions eventually, this will buy me some time at the very least. Immediately, the pressure lessens as I feel myself fade into the background, no longer an active participant in the battle of Shi Bei, but an observer watching it all unfold before me.
Thanks to my newfangled clarity, I stumble across another solution, one Ive utilized to great effect before. I could sever all these unwanted emotions and offer them to the Heavens instead, just like I did in JiangHu, but tempting though the prospect might be, Im not sure its the best idea now that I know what I know. A dangerous gambit, utilizing the Energy of the Heavens this way, for it is akin to how regular Divinities wield it, and all it would take is one errant desire to taint my intent and set us spiralling towards disaster. In JiangHu, I severed my emotions in a desperate bid for nihility and oblivion, but in order to achieve this escape, I needed a satisfying conclusion to the events in JiangHu, one I could walk away from without guilt. This is very different from wanting the Imperials to win, or wanting my family safe, or wanting the Defiled dead and gone, but something else entirely, and it was this combination of largely innocuous desires and intents which the Energy of the Heavens responded to. A Will driven by fear yes, but otherwise largely Balanced in terms of emotions, with equal parts anger and hatred plus love and compassion, and everything else in between.
A good thing too, because I now know how badly that whole debacle could have turned out. The Energy of the Heavens is driven by Will, so its easy to imagine what wouldve happened if Id snapped and succumbed to anger and hatred instead of something as harmless as a yearning for oblivion. If I severed my emotions with the intent to kill the Defiled, the Heavens might well have nuked both armies then and there, killing everyone on the battlefield including the people I hold near and dear to my heart. Going in the opposite direction, if Id gone in with the intent of just saving the people I loved, then the Heavens could have just whisked them all away, leaving the rest of the Imperials to their lamentable fate in an overwhelming victory for the Enemy. Neither option would have been acceptable to me, and might well have pushed me over the edge, meaning I avoided a calamity in JiangHu by the slimmest of margins.
Ha. And to think I said what I did in JiangHu was stupid, but effective. Thats like saying winning the lottery is a valid retirement plan. It totally is, on the one in several billions chance that things actually work out exactly as intended, but more often than not, youve just plotted a course headlong towards disaster.
Thats why I cant just sever my emotions and let the Heavens take the wheel here in Shi Bei. I am no longer driven by the desire for nihility and oblivion, but a desire to kill Zhen Shi and win this war once and for all. That alone is enough to taint my Will and Intent, and the Heavens are not bound by human failings like empathy and compassion, nor do they care about collateral damage, but I care deeply. I made the right choice in spurning false Divinity, because as much as I love to delegate, I cant really count on the Heavens to do things right.
Which leaves just me, myself, and I to carry this burden, multiplied a couple hundred times thanks to all my Natal Souls. It also occurs to me that I could sever our connection and simply supply them with a finite amount of Heavenly Energy instead, leaving them to endure the deluge of emotions until they burn themselves out and arrive at their inevitable end, but while Im not my own biggest fan, I cant bring myself to treat my Natal Souls so harshly. Besides, ignoring the ethics of creating disposable mind-clones to suffer in my place and their propensity to unload everything on me regardless, theres just no way I could trust my Natal Souls to endure without hope, which is admittedly the more concerning issue here. The last thing I need is a whole host of rebel Natal Souls spurting goatees and raising hell as they seek out a new body to inhabit. Interesting as it would be to see what happens when a quasi-Balanced Natal Soul takes over a body, thats well beyond the limits my conscience will allow me to cross.
As fascinating as all these hypotheticals might be, I have better things to focus on now that I have the attention to spare, and I set to overseeing my Natal Souls at work. Rather than try to understand everything thats happening all at once, I focus on one incident at a time and let the rest sort of just flow into the background of my subconscious. I shudder to think of the damage Im doing to my psyche, but its a price Im willing to pay to foil Zhen Shis plans yet again, and I make sure to celebrate the minor successes that I can before I become overwhelmed by all the devastating losses.
Like seeing how far the Stormguard have come in so short a time. A year doesnt seem like much, but in war, you learn fast or die trying, and these men and women are survivors first and foremost. Discipline above all else, thats the philosophy with which Akanai approached their training, because at the time, the Stormguard were all newly minted Martial Warriors and we needed them battle-ready as quickly as possible, and the easiest way to do so was to ensure they knew how to work together. Though their initial speed of development was impressive, after being tempered in the heat of multiple battles, the Stormguard are showing other Martial Warriors how true soldiers should fight; as a unit. Standing shoulder to shoulder in tight formation, they form two braced lines of bristling spears which the Defiled throw themselves on time and time again, with a third line standing two steps back ready and waiting to support their comrades should they falter. Their tactics are simple and effective, with no flashy Movements or fancy Chi skills, just thrust and retract, with the occasional application of boot or shoulder whenever necessary. A far cry from the soldiers around them, who need room apart to swing their weapons and thus are fighting next to one another rather than as a unified whole, and the difference is staggering to behold. Most Imperial units are just barely clinging on even though the fighting just started, the pressure mounting with each passing second as the unending waves of Defiled threaten to overrun their position, but the Stormguard are a sea of calm in an otherwise turbulent ocean as they hold the line with ruthless efficiency.
Granted, this sort of tactic is most effective against the unarmoured tribals, but considering those make up the bulk of the Enemy forces, thats nothing to sneeze at. Whats more, the Stormguards smooth sailing is in part thanks to their exemplary officers, Warriors who were largely promoted from within their own ranks and have earned the trust of their soldiers with blood, sweat, and tears.
Officers like dauntless Ogum Chuwon, a dusky, southern-born father of two who lost his wife and children to Defiled bandits years ago, and was never the same since. He moved to Central with his brother to lend a hand on the farm, but when the recruitment call went out, he was among the first to respond. At forty-three years old, he was well past his prime for a commoner, and it showed in his slender, wiry frame and rugged, weather-worn complexion, but he saw an opportunity to avenge his family and he would not be swayed. Though far from the most able or talented of Irregulars, his persistence and determination has long since won the respect of his comrades, and those same qualities have seen him progress as a Martial Warrior to stand head and shoulders above the rest. Hes no innate genius, no brilliant duellist, just a tried-and-true soldier who does what hes told and fights with the fury of five soldiers and the endurance of three.
He was one of the Irregulars who came to my rescue in JiangHu, hurtling himself at a wave of Demons with only an iron knife in hand. He had no expectations of survival when he did so, only a desperate desire to buy even a single second by sacrificing his life, a trade he thought well made. Today, he stands with Spiritual Spear in hand as a Captain of the Stormguard, impaling his foes as they approach while emitting a steady, sturdy, standard Aura of courage and conviction to bolster the hearts of his allies while vocally proclaiming that victory is all but assured with the Legate here fighting alongside them.
A sentiment echoed by Yazhu, a cobblers son turned Stormguard Banner Bearer, who even now refuses to put down the bow-tie bunny emblem as he wields his Spiritual Spear with one hand. Darting Fang, Pierce the Horizon, Skewer the Blossom, and more, his every thrust displays a different variation of a Movement which encompasses a wealth of hidden nuances he has yet to wholly understand, but he doesnt even bother trying. Not that he has to, as he immerses himself in Insight and discards logical reasoning in favour of gut instinct and tactile response. Just as he was the first to sound the rallying cry in JiangHu, he leads his comrades from the front, driving them ever forward step by step in his eagerness to test his newfangled abilities and denying the Enemy purchase upon the parapets.
Shodo, Wen Na, Tengo, and more, the Officers of the Stormguard rise up to the occasion as my severed Natal Souls help further them along the Martial Path. Every member of the Stormguard receives some benefit, for they are more receptive of my assistance than most, because each and every one of them has the utmost faith in my abilities and believes I will lead them to a resounding victory once again. There is a power in faith that I cannot describe, a unifying strength and bolstering influence that affects not only those who have faith, but also those around them who lack it. The other Imperial soldiers see the Stormguard fight without fear, which is enough to ignite their courage and competitive spirits as they refuse to be outdone by a band of Martial Warriors who formed their Cores only a year ago, which sets into motion a chain reaction that has all of Shi Bei fighting that much fiercer as they embrace faith and hope upon the battlefield.
This alone is not enough to hold back the Enemy however, and while the rank-and-file Stormguard are lacking in personal strength, their commander and second-in-command are more than enough to hold up the Heavens for now. At twenty-eight years young, Lixian is by far the most promising of the bunch and it shows as he stands apart from his soldiers to draw the attentions of all Champions and Chieftains towards him. With Runic Shield raised to cover most of his hunched frame and Spiritual Spear held ready to thrust, his stance is hardly the most domineering around, but its difficult to argue against results. Block and thrust, thats how most his duels start and end, with a single block and a single thrust. An amateur might see this and think Lixians opponents are all trash, but an expert would point out the precision and timing of his blocks and counters, for he does far more than just hunker down and wait for impact. The former farm-hand has a knack for active blocking, meeting every strike with one of his own to throw off his opponents sense of timing and create an opening for the subsequent killing thrust. Neck, heart, liver, and groin, these are his favoured targets, all fatal targets save for the last, but not even the crazed Defiled can keep fighting with their nether-regions impaled.
In keeping with the theme of frightening efficiency, my former second Mister Rustram had finally come into his own as a Warrior of renown, wielding his rapier to kill every Enemy who comes within range. A deceptively long range to boot, given his newfangled familiarity with Domain Plating and Honing, which he uses to extend the length of his thin sword and kill without even having to touch his foes. A skill he picked up all on his own I might add, without the need for assistance from my Natal Souls, so the only help I offer now is a quick top off of his Core. With Yazhu holding the centre, and Ogum, Shodo, Wen Na, and Tengo on the wings, their battle-line soon turns into a crescent moon, with either end pushing forward while the centre stands in place, creating a killing ground around Rustram and Lixian standing alone at the forefront.
Despite having distanced myself emotionally from the fray, I cannot help but personally lend Rustram a hand, because despite his outer veneer of calm confidence, I can sense his concern stewing within. The moment I see a lull in the fighting, I Send, Sai Chou is alive and well, and its heartening to see his shoulders visibly relax as he takes in the good news. Shares partial credit for killing Mataram YuChun as well. Concern and pride war within my good friend, as well as no small amount of self-deprecation, no doubt lamenting how hes even less worthy of his wife now that shes killed a Peak Expert who was well on his way to becoming a Living Legend, a sentiment I relate with all too well. Just a suggestion regarding your new ability to solidify your Domain; it is a skill as flexible as your imagination can make it, so dont get too fixated on this singular use.
A word of advice is all I have to offer, because Huu is still closed off to my more esoteric attempts to help. I mean, I get it, not everyone wants to mix souls, because truth be told, it sounds kinda gross and overly intimate, but cmon now. Here I am trying to bare my literal soul to the people I care most about and a good half of them refuse to even entertain the notion, while so many strangers are more than willing to open themselves up to me. Then again, for all intents and purposes, Im essentially trying to infect them with a benign Spectre, so I can see why Martial Warriors who spend their entire lives guarding against the lies of intrusive fragments of malignant souls would be reluctant to let me in.
All totally valid reasoning which I would be more than willing to accept if not for the fact that Gerel of all people is wholly receptive to my Natal Soul.
This discovery is so unexpected that the Call Centre Agent assigned to him decided to pass the buck over to me, and I cant really blame the guy. I too would love nothing more than to hand the decision over to someone else, because lets face it; Gerel is a difficult person to get along with. Not because hes rude or obnoxious or whatever, but rather the fact that he closes himself off from everyone and everything with his air of general indifference which borders on disdain. While we werent exactly neighbours, Gerels house was pretty close to Charok and Alsantsets, yet I can count the number of times I saw him out and about during the winter with two hands. I have no idea what he did with all his time when he wasnt sparring with the other members of the Iron Banner, though I suppose he could have been spending time with his Mentor, Hua Lie. Keep in mind that this is a guy who is moms junior martial brother, dads second-in-command, and all-around peak genius of his generation, yet I know next to nothing about him besides the fact that his only friend is Charok and Alsantset doesnt like him.
So Im not the only one, and it shows. On the rare occasions I do see Gerel, hes always standing apart from the crowd, and not entirely by choice. The People are an insular bunch, but they look after their own, so its strange to see Gerel being barely tolerated by the rest. A Warrior as talented as him should have friends and allies aplenty, comrades in arms who fight at his side and hoist drinks in his name, but even after revealing himself as a thirty-three-year-old Peak Expert, there was little to no fanfare among the People and Sentinels. Like me, Gerel is a social pariah in his home village, and while I have never stopped to ask why that might be, I get the feeling that he prefers things this way. Since his marriage to Yuzhen, Ive seen even less of him around, but here in Shi Bei, I find that despite being one of the first people I met in this world, the person who brought me on stage to stand before the entire village and be accepted among them, Gerel is a complete and utter stranger to me.
One filled with so much hatred and anger.
His fury burns hot as he stands but a meter behind me, cloaked in Concealment so deeply that I can barely even tell hes there. It feels as if I could blink and lose track of him despite being able to feel the heat of his emotions pouring off him like a roaring furnace on full blast, his rage fixated on the forces of the Enemy before him. He yearns to spill blood with sword and glaive in hand, hungers for the thrill and glory of combat, but more than that, he believes this is his sole purpose in life. Thats why he doesnt care to make friends or socialize, because killing Defiled is all he cares about. In his eyes, the Martial Path is not something he pursues, but a calling demanded of him by the Mother Above, which he said as much several months ago when he criticized me for my lack of faith. At the time, I chalked him up as a religious nutjob, but its not piety and devotion which fuels his passion, but intense zeal bordering on fanaticism. The Defiled are a blight upon humanity, and he sees himself as one of many tasked with its removal, a Holy Warrior in every sense of the word. This is his faith, his motivation, his purpose for being, and he will stop at nothing until the Defiled threat is eradicated in full. Even if we win this war and drive the Enemy back out of the province never to show their faces again, Gerel would take it upon himself to ride out in search of the foul minions of the Father, even if he must go beyond the borders of the Empire to do so.
Which is why being forced to stand idly by as the Defiled fight and kill fills him with rage and frustration, but he understands the necessity of holding back. Tactically, its the right decision as the Enemy elites have yet to commit, but even knowing this, he yearns to throw himself into battle because it is all he has, a mindset even he recognizes is not healthy. His thoughts turn to Yuzhen and it shows in his emotions, so full of love and commitment but also fear and bitter regret, possibly because he knows that his love for battle and bloodshed will always come first, and that she deserves better than second place in his heart.
Unlike me, Gerel doesnt dwell on his dark thoughts but simply accepts things the way they are, because he has long since given up on trying to become a better man. Its a shade of resignation I know well, as I too have been stained by this same fatalistic acceptance, but Gerel has it far worse. Hes lived with it for so long that the emptiness has become a part of him, one he not only identifies with, but clings to because he has nothing else in his life worth holding onto, or at least that was the case until recently. This is who he is, Gerel, Warrior and Husband, and he wholeheartedly believes he is destined to fail as the latter, that he will meet his end on the field of battle and leave Yuzhen a widow, an outcome he almost looks forward to, because then she can find someone more deserving to love.
Before I can even come up with something to say, Gerel has already moved on from his dark place, or perhaps its better to say he was always there and is now focused on other things instead. A burst of pride pushes past all the anger and hatred, and while that is all I can read from his emotions, I notice that his pride is strongest whenever his attentions turn towards me. Hes proud of me, for some reason, delighted by my newfangled strength, and while I wouldnt go as far as to say he admires me, his chest puffs and back straightens every time he glances in my direction. Hes contented to see how far Ive come, and takes no small measure of satisfaction from it, as if he had anything to do with it in the first place. I suppose weve sparred a good amount, and he was there at the start, but I have no idea why hes so pleased by my accomplishments or why he would be proud of me in the first place. Not proud like, Hey I know that guy, or I used to chop his legs off all the time, but a more personal pride, like, Hes finally living up to his potential, sort of pride, something youd expect from my parents rather than casual acquaintance that Gerel is.
What a weirdo. Thankfully, theres no way hes my father, because even though people think we look alike and sometimes mistake us for brothers, he wouldve been thirteen or something when I was born. Not impossible, but icky and improbable, so I doubt Ill be calling him daddy anytime soon.
Or ever actually. Even if he is my father. Which he most definitely isnt.
Truth be told, its easy to see why I dont like him. Hes arrogant enough to believe it is his holy duty to fight the Defiled, and overly humble about his accomplishments, which comes off as haughty and imperious, as if he was merely setting the standard for Martial Warriors and those unable to match up were all failures. Hes antisocial to the extreme and makes no effort to connect with the people around him, not even those he meets with every day, and he prefers things this way. He lives his life at one extreme, pushing himself to the limits in everything he tries, so much so that he doesnt understand how to dial it back. A spar with him is just a death match without death, which is why only the bored Warriors of the Iron Banner can stomach his company. Deep down, he doesnt like who he is, but he doesnt know how to be any other way, and though he loves his wife dearly with all his heart, he believes hell ultimately end up disappointing her and lives in dread of when that day will finally arrive.
In short, Gerel is me but better in most ways. Hes taller, more handsome, and radiates this chilling intensity which makes enemies and allies alike both fear and respect him. The only metric Im ahead in is number of wives, and I wouldnt necessarily say thats 100% a win since it just means Im going to end up disappointing more women than he will. That being said, I also admire the hell out of him, because even though I would never dare call myself his rival, I have always seen him as a Warrior to surpass. Thats why I always kept going back to spar with him despite losing so many limbs, because he was the means through which I measured my own progress. In my eyes, Gerel does set the standard for Martial Warriors everywhere, a truth I simply accepted because he embodies the concept of one in every way, shape, and form, so even though I never liked him, there has never been a day when I didnt respect the hell out of him. Even when he was chock-full of Spectres and on the cusp of inviting them in for tea, I was still in awe of his strength and determination because any other person would have long since gone over to the dark side.
So while Dad is and always will be my hero, and Mila the person I wish to surpass, Gerel is the man who I will always measure myself against, because in my eyes, he is the ultimate Martial Warrior. A dedicated, hardworking man without any real flaws or weaknesses aside from his anti-social tendencies, which I cant really comment on since Im at least equally as bad, if not worse.
All this and more is revealed to him as my Natal Soul merges with him to share how I feel, and I sense his alarm turn to surprise, admiration, and gratitude as it all sinks in. Youre a better man than you think you are, I Send, using the language of the People to show my recognition of our shared roots. A Warrior I am proud to fight alongside, and when this is all over, one I would like to share a drink with, if thats alright with you.
Oddly enough, Gerel reacts to my friendly offer with a spike of panic as he glances towards Dad and Sends something, who responds with wide-eyed dismay followed by palpable relief. Even if I wasnt tapped in to their ambient emotions, Id be able to read all this from their expressions alone, and I have an inkling as to why they would react this way, though I hope Im wrong. A long second passes as Dad studies my face as he Sends something back to Gerel, and then both of them try to play it off as nothing by simply pretending itd never happened in the first place, a status quo I would love to keep. I look forward to that drink, Gerel Sends, sounding anything but, followed by, Though Id much prefer a sparring match first. Would love to see how far youve come and if I can still take your legs off as easily as before.
See, this is why no one likes him. Hes being one-hundred percent serious when he says this, which means hes challenging me to a spar with the intent of dismembering me. I mean, yea, we tend to push the limits of propriety in our spars and have almost accidentally killed each other on multiple occasions, but that doesnt mean I enjoy losing limbs and almost dying.
though I suppose I can see why he might think otherwise. I mean, there were times when hed cut my legs off and wed keep sparring as soon as I finished re-attaching them, or Id stab him in the gut and grin about it, so I guess were both equally to blame for this misunderstanding.
Whatever. Putting Gerel out of mind because his infuriating ways are threatening the delicate Balance of my emotional well-being, I move onto the next subject of interest here in Shi Bei. I came here to kill Zhen Shi, but seeing how I have no idea where the fuck he ran off to, all I can do for now is watch and wait. Much like Gerel, I chafe at having to stand on the sidelines, but unlike him, Im unable to rein myself in. Pushing myself to the utmost limits and then taking a few steps even further, I settle into the rhythm of maintaining my precarious Balance for as long as I am able to while simultaneously waiting for my foe to show his ugly, wrinkled face.
Because the moment he does, I will end his existence by unleashing the greatest weapon I have at my disposal, and if that doesnt work, I still have a Taddy and Pong Pong to spare, the former standing behind me and the latter hiding inside my man-bun because he thinks its warm and safe. Bring it on, Zhen Shi. Your days are numbered, for I am Falling Rain, and I have come to teach you the true meaning of regret.
Mm too much? Maybe I should say something cooler, like, This day next year will be the anniversary of your death. Or go full edge and blurt out, Omae wa mou shindeiru. Then again, maybe its better not to say anything at all. I dunno. Well just have to see how it goes.
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Chapter 790
Multitasking is hard.
Not the act of multitasking itself, which Ive found is a fairly simple process. My squadron of tethered Natal Souls are handling things from behind their desks inside the Call Centre of the Void, scanning the crowd for receptive Imperials before dispatching severed Natal Souls to go help them, and there are many successes to be noted. Not only that, efficiency is at an all time high with minimal waste, as Im also targeting individuals who could have the greatest overall effect. Not just Mila, Yan, and Luo-Luo, but also Experts on the cusp of greatness and Irregulars who only missed Core Formation by just that little bit. Dunno how I feel about that last part, because oddly enough, the Irregulars are not only open to receiving my assistance, but many of them are hoping for it. There have been rumours abound regarding my Stormguard, but Id rather not have the whole world believing I can help people succeed at Core Formation, because while it is true, its not without cost, and some people are easier to help than others.
That being said, despite going to great lengths not to overtax myself, Im still spreading myself thin by severing Natal Souls left and right, but at least now I can sense the damage Im causing and can more easily stay within my limits. To say I have a migraine would be doing it a disservice, for this is far more than a mere headache, but its nothing I cant handle. Or so I thought, but now the beating of my too-loud heart threatens to shatter my skull from within as the pounding rain drops do the same from the outside, and the thunderous roar of cannon-fire only makes it all that much worse. My vision blurs, my mind fogs, and I struggle to find myself in all the chaos and confusion within the tangled weave of thoughts, emotions, and sensations happening all at once. Live and learn, or so they say, except I never seem to learn, not without an excess of needless suffering first. In Meng Sha, I experienced first-hand how unpleasant it was to have countless Natal Souls telling me their lifes story all at once, yet here I am suffering from the same issue again, except this time, I brought it upon myself willingly and in real time. Even knowing information overload would be a problem, I decided the best option moving forward was to create a pseudo hive-mind of tethered Natal Souls so I could experience all their thoughts and emotions all at once, and now I am paying the price for my foolishness.
I had my reasons for doing things in this way, good reasons too, but I definitely should have put some effort into mitigating this problem beforehand. With my Call Centre Agents all tethered in, I can pay the emotional costs associated with their individual experiences, leading to no consumption of Heavenly Energy when they feel anger, frustration, amusement, or whatever. The problem is, I have never been great at managing my emotions, nor am I particularly kind to myself, so having a whole hive-mind of other mes unloading all their emotional baggage is almost too much for me to bear, and my self-disparaging remarks put me over the edge. Hubris is whats done me in, sheer arrogance in thinking I could handle these burdens and soldier on, because the benefits surely outweighed the drawbacks.
And they do, except I sort of forgot about Blobby. When you have a stowaway Heavenly Spirit ready and waiting to Cleanse away your very existence should you ever step a toe over the line, you wanna make sure you have this Balance thing on lockdown. Now, historically, even though Balance has always come easily to me, Ive also had my issues with it as well. Thats why I said fuck Balance and set out on a new Path, but this option is now closed to me once I reunited with Blobby. I can no longer afford to send him off on a trip through the Azure Sea, because I need his help to defeat Zhen Shi, who I know is nearby but cannot for the life of me find. I know this in my heart of hearts, though I admit Im not entirely sure how the Heavenly Tear is supposed to help, but Im not willing to risk sending him away with the endgame now upon us. This means that I need to keep to Balance lest he Cleanse me into nothingness, but Im really struggling with it now that Im feeling so very much from so many different perspectives. The sum total of one Falling Rains emotional baggage is usually too much for me to handle, and now Ive got enough luggage to fill an airport carousel and then some. Its not a simple matter of just focusing on the positives, because thats not what Balance is all about, nor can I allow myself to succumb to the deluge of negatives threatening to bury my psyche in a deep, dark hole from which it can never return. I need to find Balance, find a way to feel these emotions without giving into them, to neither struggle nor surrender, which is easier said than done.
With Heavenly Energy, its a simple enough concept, to become the dam, the wall, the forge, and the drill, an instrument with which to interact with the natural forces of the world, but emotions are a whole different kettle of fish. How do I watch someone die and perceive all his regrets without being affected? How do I immerse myself in the righteous fury of that dying soldiers allies without getting swept away? How do I indulge in the heady vindication of striking down a killer without being intoxicated by the allure of vengeance? This is but a brief snapshot of what Im getting from a single Natal Souls perspective, which is already burden enough, but there are hundreds of more perspectives to consider all at once.
And so, feeling myself slip beneath the weight of all these emotions and Blobbys growing hunger and agitation, I deal with my emotions the best way I know how, by distancing myself from it all. Though I know this is only a temporary solution and that I will have to deal with these emotions eventually, this will buy me some time at the very least. Immediately, the pressure lessens as I feel myself fade into the background, no longer an active participant in the battle of Shi Bei, but an observer watching it all unfold before me.
Thanks to my newfangled clarity, I stumble across another solution, one Ive utilized to great effect before. I could sever all these unwanted emotions and offer them to the Heavens instead, just like I did in JiangHu, but tempting though the prospect might be, Im not sure its the best idea now that I know what I know. A dangerous gambit, utilizing the Energy of the Heavens this way, for it is akin to how regular Divinities wield it, and all it would take is one errant desire to taint my intent and set us spiralling towards disaster. In JiangHu, I severed my emotions in a desperate bid for nihility and oblivion, but in order to achieve this escape, I needed a satisfying conclusion to the events in JiangHu, one I could walk away from without guilt. This is very different from wanting the Imperials to win, or wanting my family safe, or wanting the Defiled dead and gone, but something else entirely, and it was this combination of largely innocuous desires and intents which the Energy of the Heavens responded to. A Will driven by fear yes, but otherwise largely Balanced in terms of emotions, with equal parts anger and hatred plus love and compassion, and everything else in between.
A good thing too, because I now know how badly that whole debacle could have turned out. The Energy of the Heavens is driven by Will, so its easy to imagine what wouldve happened if Id snapped and succumbed to anger and hatred instead of something as harmless as a yearning for oblivion. If I severed my emotions with the intent to kill the Defiled, the Heavens might well have nuked both armies then and there, killing everyone on the battlefield including the people I hold near and dear to my heart. Going in the opposite direction, if Id gone in with the intent of just saving the people I loved, then the Heavens could have just whisked them all away, leaving the rest of the Imperials to their lamentable fate in an overwhelming victory for the Enemy. Neither option would have been acceptable to me, and might well have pushed me over the edge, meaning I avoided a calamity in JiangHu by the slimmest of margins.
Ha. And to think I said what I did in JiangHu was stupid, but effective. Thats like saying winning the lottery is a valid retirement plan. It totally is, on the one in several billions chance that things actually work out exactly as intended, but more often than not, youve just plotted a course headlong towards disaster.
Thats why I cant just sever my emotions and let the Heavens take the wheel here in Shi Bei. I am no longer driven by the desire for nihility and oblivion, but a desire to kill Zhen Shi and win this war once and for all. That alone is enough to taint my Will and Intent, and the Heavens are not bound by human failings like empathy and compassion, nor do they care about collateral damage, but I care deeply. I made the right choice in spurning false Divinity, because as much as I love to delegate, I cant really count on the Heavens to do things right.
Which leaves just me, myself, and I to carry this burden, multiplied a couple hundred times thanks to all my Natal Souls. It also occurs to me that I could sever our connection and simply supply them with a finite amount of Heavenly Energy instead, leaving them to endure the deluge of emotions until they burn themselves out and arrive at their inevitable end, but while Im not my own biggest fan, I cant bring myself to treat my Natal Souls so harshly. Besides, ignoring the ethics of creating disposable mind-clones to suffer in my place and their propensity to unload everything on me regardless, theres just no way I could trust my Natal Souls to endure without hope, which is admittedly the more concerning issue here. The last thing I need is a whole host of rebel Natal Souls spurting goatees and raising hell as they seek out a new body to inhabit. Interesting as it would be to see what happens when a quasi-Balanced Natal Soul takes over a body, thats well beyond the limits my conscience will allow me to cross.
As fascinating as all these hypotheticals might be, I have better things to focus on now that I have the attention to spare, and I set to overseeing my Natal Souls at work. Rather than try to understand everything thats happening all at once, I focus on one incident at a time and let the rest sort of just flow into the background of my subconscious. I shudder to think of the damage Im doing to my psyche, but its a price Im willing to pay to foil Zhen Shis plans yet again, and I make sure to celebrate the minor successes that I can before I become overwhelmed by all the devastating losses.
Like seeing how far the Stormguard have come in so short a time. A year doesnt seem like much, but in war, you learn fast or die trying, and these men and women are survivors first and foremost. Discipline above all else, thats the philosophy with which Akanai approached their training, because at the time, the Stormguard were all newly minted Martial Warriors and we needed them battle-ready as quickly as possible, and the easiest way to do so was to ensure they knew how to work together. Though their initial speed of development was impressive, after being tempered in the heat of multiple battles, the Stormguard are showing other Martial Warriors how true soldiers should fight; as a unit. Standing shoulder to shoulder in tight formation, they form two braced lines of bristling spears which the Defiled throw themselves on time and time again, with a third line standing two steps back ready and waiting to support their comrades should they falter. Their tactics are simple and effective, with no flashy Movements or fancy Chi skills, just thrust and retract, with the occasional application of boot or shoulder whenever necessary. A far cry from the soldiers around them, who need room apart to swing their weapons and thus are fighting next to one another rather than as a unified whole, and the difference is staggering to behold. Most Imperial units are just barely clinging on even though the fighting just started, the pressure mounting with each passing second as the unending waves of Defiled threaten to overrun their position, but the Stormguard are a sea of calm in an otherwise turbulent ocean as they hold the line with ruthless efficiency.
Granted, this sort of tactic is most effective against the unarmoured tribals, but considering those make up the bulk of the Enemy forces, thats nothing to sneeze at. Whats more, the Stormguards smooth sailing is in part thanks to their exemplary officers, Warriors who were largely promoted from within their own ranks and have earned the trust of their soldiers with blood, sweat, and tears.
Officers like dauntless Ogum Chuwon, a dusky, southern-born father of two who lost his wife and children to Defiled bandits years ago, and was never the same since. He moved to Central with his brother to lend a hand on the farm, but when the recruitment call went out, he was among the first to respond. At forty-three years old, he was well past his prime for a commoner, and it showed in his slender, wiry frame and rugged, weather-worn complexion, but he saw an opportunity to avenge his family and he would not be swayed. Though far from the most able or talented of Irregulars, his persistence and determination has long since won the respect of his comrades, and those same qualities have seen him progress as a Martial Warrior to stand head and shoulders above the rest. Hes no innate genius, no brilliant duellist, just a tried-and-true soldier who does what hes told and fights with the fury of five soldiers and the endurance of three.
He was one of the Irregulars who came to my rescue in JiangHu, hurtling himself at a wave of Demons with only an iron knife in hand. He had no expectations of survival when he did so, only a desperate desire to buy even a single second by sacrificing his life, a trade he thought well made. Today, he stands with Spiritual Spear in hand as a Captain of the Stormguard, impaling his foes as they approach while emitting a steady, sturdy, standard Aura of courage and conviction to bolster the hearts of his allies while vocally proclaiming that victory is all but assured with the Legate here fighting alongside them.
A sentiment echoed by Yazhu, a cobblers son turned Stormguard Banner Bearer, who even now refuses to put down the bow-tie bunny emblem as he wields his Spiritual Spear with one hand. Darting Fang, Pierce the Horizon, Skewer the Blossom, and more, his every thrust displays a different variation of a Movement which encompasses a wealth of hidden nuances he has yet to wholly understand, but he doesnt even bother trying. Not that he has to, as he immerses himself in Insight and discards logical reasoning in favour of gut instinct and tactile response. Just as he was the first to sound the rallying cry in JiangHu, he leads his comrades from the front, driving them ever forward step by step in his eagerness to test his newfangled abilities and denying the Enemy purchase upon the parapets.
Shodo, Wen Na, Tengo, and more, the Officers of the Stormguard rise up to the occasion as my severed Natal Souls help further them along the Martial Path. Every member of the Stormguard receives some benefit, for they are more receptive of my assistance than most, because each and every one of them has the utmost faith in my abilities and believes I will lead them to a resounding victory once again. There is a power in faith that I cannot describe, a unifying strength and bolstering influence that affects not only those who have faith, but also those around them who lack it. The other Imperial soldiers see the Stormguard fight without fear, which is enough to ignite their courage and competitive spirits as they refuse to be outdone by a band of Martial Warriors who formed their Cores only a year ago, which sets into motion a chain reaction that has all of Shi Bei fighting that much fiercer as they embrace faith and hope upon the battlefield.
This alone is not enough to hold back the Enemy however, and while the rank-and-file Stormguard are lacking in personal strength, their commander and second-in-command are more than enough to hold up the Heavens for now. At twenty-eight years young, Lixian is by far the most promising of the bunch and it shows as he stands apart from his soldiers to draw the attentions of all Champions and Chieftains towards him. With Runic Shield raised to cover most of his hunched frame and Spiritual Spear held ready to thrust, his stance is hardly the most domineering around, but its difficult to argue against results. Block and thrust, thats how most his duels start and end, with a single block and a single thrust. An amateur might see this and think Lixians opponents are all trash, but an expert would point out the precision and timing of his blocks and counters, for he does far more than just hunker down and wait for impact. The former farm-hand has a knack for active blocking, meeting every strike with one of his own to throw off his opponents sense of timing and create an opening for the subsequent killing thrust. Neck, heart, liver, and groin, these are his favoured targets, all fatal targets save for the last, but not even the crazed Defiled can keep fighting with their nether-regions impaled.
In keeping with the theme of frightening efficiency, my former second Mister Rustram had finally come into his own as a Warrior of renown, wielding his rapier to kill every Enemy who comes within range. A deceptively long range to boot, given his newfangled familiarity with Domain Plating and Honing, which he uses to extend the length of his thin sword and kill without even having to touch his foes. A skill he picked up all on his own I might add, without the need for assistance from my Natal Souls, so the only help I offer now is a quick top off of his Core. With Yazhu holding the centre, and Ogum, Shodo, Wen Na, and Tengo on the wings, their battle-line soon turns into a crescent moon, with either end pushing forward while the centre stands in place, creating a killing ground around Rustram and Lixian standing alone at the forefront.
Despite having distanced myself emotionally from the fray, I cannot help but personally lend Rustram a hand, because despite his outer veneer of calm confidence, I can sense his concern stewing within. The moment I see a lull in the fighting, I Send, Sai Chou is alive and well, and its heartening to see his shoulders visibly relax as he takes in the good news. Shares partial credit for killing Mataram YuChun as well. Concern and pride war within my good friend, as well as no small amount of self-deprecation, no doubt lamenting how hes even less worthy of his wife now that shes killed a Peak Expert who was well on his way to becoming a Living Legend, a sentiment I relate with all too well. Just a suggestion regarding your new ability to solidify your Domain; it is a skill as flexible as your imagination can make it, so dont get too fixated on this singular use.
A word of advice is all I have to offer, because Huu is still closed off to my more esoteric attempts to help. I mean, I get it, not everyone wants to mix souls, because truth be told, it sounds kinda gross and overly intimate, but cmon now. Here I am trying to bare my literal soul to the people I care most about and a good half of them refuse to even entertain the notion, while so many strangers are more than willing to open themselves up to me. Then again, for all intents and purposes, Im essentially trying to infect them with a benign Spectre, so I can see why Martial Warriors who spend their entire lives guarding against the lies of intrusive fragments of malignant souls would be reluctant to let me in.
All totally valid reasoning which I would be more than willing to accept if not for the fact that Gerel of all people is wholly receptive to my Natal Soul.
This discovery is so unexpected that the Call Centre Agent assigned to him decided to pass the buck over to me, and I cant really blame the guy. I too would love nothing more than to hand the decision over to someone else, because lets face it; Gerel is a difficult person to get along with. Not because hes rude or obnoxious or whatever, but rather the fact that he closes himself off from everyone and everything with his air of general indifference which borders on disdain. While we werent exactly neighbours, Gerels house was pretty close to Charok and Alsantsets, yet I can count the number of times I saw him out and about during the winter with two hands. I have no idea what he did with all his time when he wasnt sparring with the other members of the Iron Banner, though I suppose he could have been spending time with his Mentor, Hua Lie. Keep in mind that this is a guy who is moms junior martial brother, dads second-in-command, and all-around peak genius of his generation, yet I know next to nothing about him besides the fact that his only friend is Charok and Alsantset doesnt like him.
So Im not the only one, and it shows. On the rare occasions I do see Gerel, hes always standing apart from the crowd, and not entirely by choice. The People are an insular bunch, but they look after their own, so its strange to see Gerel being barely tolerated by the rest. A Warrior as talented as him should have friends and allies aplenty, comrades in arms who fight at his side and hoist drinks in his name, but even after revealing himself as a thirty-three-year-old Peak Expert, there was little to no fanfare among the People and Sentinels. Like me, Gerel is a social pariah in his home village, and while I have never stopped to ask why that might be, I get the feeling that he prefers things this way. Since his marriage to Yuzhen, Ive seen even less of him around, but here in Shi Bei, I find that despite being one of the first people I met in this world, the person who brought me on stage to stand before the entire village and be accepted among them, Gerel is a complete and utter stranger to me.
One filled with so much hatred and anger.
His fury burns hot as he stands but a meter behind me, cloaked in Concealment so deeply that I can barely even tell hes there. It feels as if I could blink and lose track of him despite being able to feel the heat of his emotions pouring off him like a roaring furnace on full blast, his rage fixated on the forces of the Enemy before him. He yearns to spill blood with sword and glaive in hand, hungers for the thrill and glory of combat, but more than that, he believes this is his sole purpose in life. Thats why he doesnt care to make friends or socialize, because killing Defiled is all he cares about. In his eyes, the Martial Path is not something he pursues, but a calling demanded of him by the Mother Above, which he said as much several months ago when he criticized me for my lack of faith. At the time, I chalked him up as a religious nutjob, but its not piety and devotion which fuels his passion, but intense zeal bordering on fanaticism. The Defiled are a blight upon humanity, and he sees himself as one of many tasked with its removal, a Holy Warrior in every sense of the word. This is his faith, his motivation, his purpose for being, and he will stop at nothing until the Defiled threat is eradicated in full. Even if we win this war and drive the Enemy back out of the province never to show their faces again, Gerel would take it upon himself to ride out in search of the foul minions of the Father, even if he must go beyond the borders of the Empire to do so.
Which is why being forced to stand idly by as the Defiled fight and kill fills him with rage and frustration, but he understands the necessity of holding back. Tactically, its the right decision as the Enemy elites have yet to commit, but even knowing this, he yearns to throw himself into battle because it is all he has, a mindset even he recognizes is not healthy. His thoughts turn to Yuzhen and it shows in his emotions, so full of love and commitment but also fear and bitter regret, possibly because he knows that his love for battle and bloodshed will always come first, and that she deserves better than second place in his heart.
Unlike me, Gerel doesnt dwell on his dark thoughts but simply accepts things the way they are, because he has long since given up on trying to become a better man. Its a shade of resignation I know well, as I too have been stained by this same fatalistic acceptance, but Gerel has it far worse. Hes lived with it for so long that the emptiness has become a part of him, one he not only identifies with, but clings to because he has nothing else in his life worth holding onto, or at least that was the case until recently. This is who he is, Gerel, Warrior and Husband, and he wholeheartedly believes he is destined to fail as the latter, that he will meet his end on the field of battle and leave Yuzhen a widow, an outcome he almost looks forward to, because then she can find someone more deserving to love.
Before I can even come up with something to say, Gerel has already moved on from his dark place, or perhaps its better to say he was always there and is now focused on other things instead. A burst of pride pushes past all the anger and hatred, and while that is all I can read from his emotions, I notice that his pride is strongest whenever his attentions turn towards me. Hes proud of me, for some reason, delighted by my newfangled strength, and while I wouldnt go as far as to say he admires me, his chest puffs and back straightens every time he glances in my direction. Hes contented to see how far Ive come, and takes no small measure of satisfaction from it, as if he had anything to do with it in the first place. I suppose weve sparred a good amount, and he was there at the start, but I have no idea why hes so pleased by my accomplishments or why he would be proud of me in the first place. Not proud like, Hey I know that guy, or I used to chop his legs off all the time, but a more personal pride, like, Hes finally living up to his potential, sort of pride, something youd expect from my parents rather than casual acquaintance that Gerel is.
What a weirdo. Thankfully, theres no way hes my father, because even though people think we look alike and sometimes mistake us for brothers, he wouldve been thirteen or something when I was born. Not impossible, but icky and improbable, so I doubt Ill be calling him daddy anytime soon.
Or ever actually. Even if he is my father. Which he most definitely isnt.
Truth be told, its easy to see why I dont like him. Hes arrogant enough to believe it is his holy duty to fight the Defiled, and overly humble about his accomplishments, which comes off as haughty and imperious, as if he was merely setting the standard for Martial Warriors and those unable to match up were all failures. Hes antisocial to the extreme and makes no effort to connect with the people around him, not even those he meets with every day, and he prefers things this way. He lives his life at one extreme, pushing himself to the limits in everything he tries, so much so that he doesnt understand how to dial it back. A spar with him is just a death match without death, which is why only the bored Warriors of the Iron Banner can stomach his company. Deep down, he doesnt like who he is, but he doesnt know how to be any other way, and though he loves his wife dearly with all his heart, he believes hell ultimately end up disappointing her and lives in dread of when that day will finally arrive.
In short, Gerel is me but better in most ways. Hes taller, more handsome, and radiates this chilling intensity which makes enemies and allies alike both fear and respect him. The only metric Im ahead in is number of wives, and I wouldnt necessarily say thats 100% a win since it just means Im going to end up disappointing more women than he will. That being said, I also admire the hell out of him, because even though I would never dare call myself his rival, I have always seen him as a Warrior to surpass. Thats why I always kept going back to spar with him despite losing so many limbs, because he was the means through which I measured my own progress. In my eyes, Gerel does set the standard for Martial Warriors everywhere, a truth I simply accepted because he embodies the concept of one in every way, shape, and form, so even though I never liked him, there has never been a day when I didnt respect the hell out of him. Even when he was chock-full of Spectres and on the cusp of inviting them in for tea, I was still in awe of his strength and determination because any other person would have long since gone over to the dark side.
So while Dad is and always will be my hero, and Mila the person I wish to surpass, Gerel is the man who I will always measure myself against, because in my eyes, he is the ultimate Martial Warrior. A dedicated, hardworking man without any real flaws or weaknesses aside from his anti-social tendencies, which I cant really comment on since Im at least equally as bad, if not worse.
All this and more is revealed to him as my Natal Soul merges with him to share how I feel, and I sense his alarm turn to surprise, admiration, and gratitude as it all sinks in. Youre a better man than you think you are, I Send, using the language of the People to show my recognition of our shared roots. A Warrior I am proud to fight alongside, and when this is all over, one I would like to share a drink with, if thats alright with you.
Oddly enough, Gerel reacts to my friendly offer with a spike of panic as he glances towards Dad and Sends something, who responds with wide-eyed dismay followed by palpable relief. Even if I wasnt tapped in to their ambient emotions, Id be able to read all this from their expressions alone, and I have an inkling as to why they would react this way, though I hope Im wrong. A long second passes as Dad studies my face as he Sends something back to Gerel, and then both of them try to play it off as nothing by simply pretending itd never happened in the first place, a status quo I would love to keep. I look forward to that drink, Gerel Sends, sounding anything but, followed by, Though Id much prefer a sparring match first. Would love to see how far youve come and if I can still take your legs off as easily as before.
See, this is why no one likes him. Hes being one-hundred percent serious when he says this, which means hes challenging me to a spar with the intent of dismembering me. I mean, yea, we tend to push the limits of propriety in our spars and have almost accidentally killed each other on multiple occasions, but that doesnt mean I enjoy losing limbs and almost dying.
though I suppose I can see why he might think otherwise. I mean, there were times when hed cut my legs off and wed keep sparring as soon as I finished re-attaching them, or Id stab him in the gut and grin about it, so I guess were both equally to blame for this misunderstanding.
Whatever. Putting Gerel out of mind because his infuriating ways are threatening the delicate Balance of my emotional well-being, I move onto the next subject of interest here in Shi Bei. I came here to kill Zhen Shi, but seeing how I have no idea where the fuck he ran off to, all I can do for now is watch and wait. Much like Gerel, I chafe at having to stand on the sidelines, but unlike him, Im unable to rein myself in. Pushing myself to the utmost limits and then taking a few steps even further, I settle into the rhythm of maintaining my precarious Balance for as long as I am able to while simultaneously waiting for my foe to show his ugly, wrinkled face.
Because the moment he does, I will end his existence by unleashing the greatest weapon I have at my disposal, and if that doesnt work, I still have a Taddy and Pong Pong to spare, the former standing behind me and the latter hiding inside my man-bun because he thinks its warm and safe. Bring it on, Zhen Shi. Your days are numbered, for I am Falling Rain, and I have come to teach you the true meaning of regret.
Mm too much? Maybe I should say something cooler, like, This day next year will be the anniversary of your death. Or go full edge and blurt out, Omae wa mou shindeiru. Then again, maybe its better not to say anything at all. I dunno. Well just have to see how it goes.
Chapter MemeThis chapter is updated by nov(e)(l)biin.com
Chapter 790Multitasking is hard.Not the act of multitasking itself, which Ive found is a fairly simple process. My squadron of tethered Natal Souls are handling things from behind their desks inside the Call Centre of the Void, scanning the crowd for receptive Imperials before dispatching severed Natal Souls to go help them, and there are many successes to be noted. Not only that, efficiency is at an all time high with minimal waste, as Im also targeting individuals who could have the greatest overall effect. Not just Mila, Yan, and Luo-Luo, but also Experts on the cusp of greatness and Irregulars who only missed Core Formation by just that little bit. Dunno how I feel about that last part, because oddly enough, the Irregulars are not only open to receiving my assistance, but many of them are hoping for it. There have been rumours abound regarding my Stormguard, but Id rather not have the whole world believing I can help people succeed at Core Formation, because while it is true, its not without cost, and some people are easier to help than others.That being said, despite going to great lengths not to overtax myself, Im still spreading myself thin by severing Natal Souls left and right, but at least now I can sense the damage Im causing and can more easily stay within my limits. To say I have a migraine would be doing it a disservice, for this is far more than a mere headache, but its nothing I cant handle. Or so I thought, but now the beating of my too-loud heart threatens to shatter my skull from within as the pounding rain drops do the same from the outside, and the thunderous roar of cannon-fire only makes it all that much worse. My vision blurs, my mind fogs, and I struggle to find myself in all the chaos and confusion within the tangled weave of thoughts, emotions, and sensations happening all at once. Live and learn, or so they say, except I never seem to learn, not without an excess of needless suffering first. In Meng Sha, I experienced first-hand how unpleasant it was to have countless Natal Souls telling me their lifes story all at once, yet here I am suffering from the same issue again, except this time, I brought it upon myself willingly and in real time. Even knowing information overload would be a problem, I decided the best option moving forward was to create a pseudo hive-mind of tethered Natal Souls so I could experience all their thoughts and emotions all at once, and now I am paying the price for my foolishness.I had my reasons for doing things in this way, good reasons too, but I definitely should have put some effort into mitigating this problem beforehand. With my Call Centre Agents all tethered in, I can pay the emotional costs associated with their individual experiences, leading to no consumption of Heavenly Energy when they feel anger, frustration, amusement, or whatever. The problem is, I have never been great at managing my emotions, nor am I particularly kind to myself, so having a whole hive-mind of other mes unloading all their emotional baggage is almost too much for me to bear, and my self-disparaging remarks put me over the edge. Hubris is whats done me in, sheer arrogance in thinking I could handle these burdens and soldier on, because the benefits surely outweighed the drawbacks.And they do, except I sort of forgot about Blobby. When you have a stowaway Heavenly Spirit ready and waiting to Cleanse away your very existence should you ever step a toe over the line, you wanna make sure you have this Balance thing on lockdown. Now, historically, even though Balance has always come easily to me, Ive also had my issues with it as well. Thats why I said fuck Balance and set out on a new Path, but this option is now closed to me once I reunited with Blobby. I can no longer afford to send him off on a trip through the Azure Sea, because I need his help to defeat Zhen Shi, who I know is nearby but cannot for the life of me find. I know this in my heart of hearts, though I admit Im not entirely sure how the Heavenly Tear is supposed to help, but Im not willing to risk sending him away with the endgame now upon us. This means that I need to keep to Balance lest he Cleanse me into nothingness, but Im really struggling with it now that Im feeling so very much from so many different perspectives. The sum total of one Falling Rains emotional baggage is usually too much for me to handle, and now Ive got enough luggage to fill an airport carousel and then some. Its not a simple matter of just focusing on the positives, because thats not what Balance is all about, nor can I allow myself to succumb to the deluge of negatives threatening to bury my psyche in a deep, dark hole from which it can never return. I need to find Balance, find a way to feel these emotions without giving into them, to neither struggle nor surrender, which is easier said than done.With Heavenly Energy, its a simple enough concept, to become the dam, the wall, the forge, and the drill, an instrument with which to interact with the natural forces of the world, but emotions are a whole different kettle of fish. How do I watch someone die and perceive all his regrets without being affected? How do I immerse myself in the righteous fury of that dying soldiers allies without getting swept away? How do I indulge in the heady vindication of striking down a killer without being intoxicated by the allure of vengeance? This is but a brief snapshot of what Im getting from a single Natal Souls perspective, which is already burden enough, but there are hundreds of more perspectives to consider all at once.And so, feeling myself slip beneath the weight of all these emotions and Blobbys growing hunger and agitation, I deal with my emotions the best way I know how, by distancing myself from it all. Though I know this is only a temporary solution and that I will have to deal with these emotions eventually, this will buy me some time at the very least. Immediately, the pressure lessens as I feel myself fade into the background, no longer an active participant in the battle of Shi Bei, but an observer watching it all unfold before me.Thanks to my newfangled clarity, I stumble across another solution, one Ive utilized to great effect before. I could sever all these unwanted emotions and offer them to the Heavens instead, just like I did in JiangHu, but tempting though the prospect might be, Im not sure its the best idea now that I know what I know. A dangerous gambit, utilizing the Energy of the Heavens this way, for it is akin to how regular Divinities wield it, and all it would take is one errant desire to taint my intent and set us spiralling towards disaster. In JiangHu, I severed my emotions in a desperate bid for nihility and oblivion, but in order to achieve this escape, I needed a satisfying conclusion to the events in JiangHu, one I could walk away from without guilt. This is very different from wanting the Imperials to win, or wanting my family safe, or wanting the Defiled dead and gone, but something else entirely, and it was this combination of largely innocuous desires and intents which the Energy of the Heavens responded to. A Will driven by fear yes, but otherwise largely Balanced in terms of emotions, with equal parts anger and hatred plus love and compassion, and everything else in between.A good thing too, because I now know how badly that whole debacle could have turned out. The Energy of the Heavens is driven by Will, so its easy to imagine what wouldve happened if Id snapped and succumbed to anger and hatred instead of something as harmless as a yearning for oblivion. If I severed my emotions with the intent to kill the Defiled, the Heavens might well have nuked both armies then and there, killing everyone on the battlefield including the people I hold near and dear to my heart. Going in the opposite direction, if Id gone in with the intent of just saving the people I loved, then the Heavens could have just whisked them all away, leaving the rest of the Imperials to their lamentable fate in an overwhelming victory for the Enemy. Neither option would have been acceptable to me, and might well have pushed me over the edge, meaning I avoided a calamity in JiangHu by the slimmest of margins.Ha. And to think I said what I did in JiangHu was stupid, but effective. Thats like saying winning the lottery is a valid retirement plan. It totally is, on the one in several billions chance that things actually work out exactly as intended, but more often than not, youve just plotted a course headlong towards disaster.Thats why I cant just sever my emotions and let the Heavens take the wheel here in Shi Bei. I am no longer driven by the desire for nihility and oblivion, but a desire to kill Zhen Shi and win this war once and for all. That alone is enough to taint my Will and Intent, and the Heavens are not bound by human failings like empathy and compassion, nor do they care about collateral damage, but I care deeply. I made the right choice in spurning false Divinity, because as much as I love to delegate, I cant really count on the Heavens to do things right.Which leaves just me, myself, and I to carry this burden, multiplied a couple hundred times thanks to all my Natal Souls. It also occurs to me that I could sever our connection and simply supply them with a finite amount of Heavenly Energy instead, leaving them to endure the deluge of emotions until they burn themselves out and arrive at their inevitable end, but while Im not my own biggest fan, I cant bring myself to treat my Natal Souls so harshly. Besides, ignoring the ethics of creating disposable mind-clones to suffer in my place and their propensity to unload everything on me regardless, theres just no way I could trust my Natal Souls to endure without hope, which is admittedly the more concerning issue here. The last thing I need is a whole host of rebel Natal Souls spurting goatees and raising hell as they seek out a new body to inhabit. Interesting as it would be to see what happens when a quasi-Balanced Natal Soul takes over a body, thats well beyond the limits my conscience will allow me to cross.As fascinating as all these hypotheticals might be, I have better things to focus on now that I have the attention to spare, and I set to overseeing my Natal Souls at work. Rather than try to understand everything thats happening all at once, I focus on one incident at a time and let the rest sort of just flow into the background of my subconscious. I shudder to think of the damage Im doing to my psyche, but its a price Im willing to pay to foil Zhen Shis plans yet again, and I make sure to celebrate the minor successes that I can before I become overwhelmed by all the devastating losses.Like seeing how far the Stormguard have come in so short a time. A year doesnt seem like much, but in war, you learn fast or die trying, and these men and women are survivors first and foremost. Discipline above all else, thats the philosophy with which Akanai approached their training, because at the time, the Stormguard were all newly minted Martial Warriors and we needed them battle-ready as quickly as possible, and the easiest way to do so was to ensure they knew how to work together. Though their initial speed of development was impressive, after being tempered in the heat of multiple battles, the Stormguard are showing other Martial Warriors how true soldiers should fight; as a unit. Standing shoulder to shoulder in tight formation, they form two braced lines of bristling spears which the Defiled throw themselves on time and time again, with a third line standing two steps back ready and waiting to support their comrades should they falter. Their tactics are simple and effective, with no flashy Movements or fancy Chi skills, just thrust and retract, with the occasional application of boot or shoulder whenever necessary. A far cry from the soldiers around them, who need room apart to swing their weapons and thus are fighting next to one another rather than as a unified whole, and the difference is staggering to behold. Most Imperial units are just barely clinging on even though the fighting just started, the pressure mounting with each passing second as the unending waves of Defiled threaten to overrun their position, but the Stormguard are a sea of calm in an otherwise turbulent ocean as they hold the line with ruthless efficiency.Granted, this sort of tactic is most effective against the unarmoured tribals, but considering those make up the bulk of the Enemy forces, thats nothing to sneeze at. Whats more, the Stormguards smooth sailing is in part thanks to their exemplary officers, Warriors who were largely promoted from within their own ranks and have earned the trust of their soldiers with blood, sweat, and tears.Officers like dauntless Ogum Chuwon, a dusky, southern-born father of two who lost his wife and children to Defiled bandits years ago, and was never the same since. He moved to Central with his brother to lend a hand on the farm, but when the recruitment call went out, he was among the first to respond. At forty-three years old, he was well past his prime for a commoner, and it showed in his slender, wiry frame and rugged, weather-worn complexion, but he saw an opportunity to avenge his family and he would not be swayed. Though far from the most able or talented of Irregulars, his persistence and determination has long since won the respect of his comrades, and those same qualities have seen him progress as a Martial Warrior to stand head and shoulders above the rest. Hes no innate genius, no brilliant duellist, just a tried-and-true soldier who does what hes told and fights with the fury of five soldiers and the endurance of three.He was one of the Irregulars who came to my rescue in JiangHu, hurtling himself at a wave of Demons with only an iron knife in hand. He had no expectations of survival when he did so, only a desperate desire to buy even a single second by sacrificing his life, a trade he thought well made. Today, he stands with Spiritual Spear in hand as a Captain of the Stormguard, impaling his foes as they approach while emitting a steady, sturdy, standard Aura of courage and conviction to bolster the hearts of his allies while vocally proclaiming that victory is all but assured with the Legate here fighting alongside them.A sentiment echoed by Yazhu, a cobblers son turned Stormguard Banner Bearer, who even now refuses to put down the bow-tie bunny emblem as he wields his Spiritual Spear with one hand. Darting Fang, Pierce the Horizon, Skewer the Blossom, and more, his every thrust displays a different variation of a Movement which encompasses a wealth of hidden nuances he has yet to wholly understand, but he doesnt even bother trying. Not that he has to, as he immerses himself in Insight and discards logical reasoning in favour of gut instinct and tactile response. Just as he was the first to sound the rallying cry in JiangHu, he leads his comrades from the front, driving them ever forward step by step in his eagerness to test his newfangled abilities and denying the Enemy purchase upon the parapets.Shodo, Wen Na, Tengo, and more, the Officers of the Stormguard rise up to the occasion as my severed Natal Souls help further them along the Martial Path. Every member of the Stormguard receives some benefit, for they are more receptive of my assistance than most, because each and every one of them has the utmost faith in my abilities and believes I will lead them to a resounding victory once again. There is a power in faith that I cannot describe, a unifying strength and bolstering influence that affects not only those who have faith, but also those around them who lack it. The other Imperial soldiers see the Stormguard fight without fear, which is enough to ignite their courage and competitive spirits as they refuse to be outdone by a band of Martial Warriors who formed their Cores only a year ago, which sets into motion a chain reaction that has all of Shi Bei fighting that much fiercer as they embrace faith and hope upon the battlefield.This alone is not enough to hold back the Enemy however, and while the rank-and-file Stormguard are lacking in personal strength, their commander and second-in-command are more than enough to hold up the Heavens for now. At twenty-eight years young, Lixian is by far the most promising of the bunch and it shows as he stands apart from his soldiers to draw the attentions of all Champions and Chieftains towards him. With Runic Shield raised to cover most of his hunched frame and Spiritual Spear held ready to thrust, his stance is hardly the most domineering around, but its difficult to argue against results. Block and thrust, thats how most his duels start and end, with a single block and a single thrust. An amateur might see this and think Lixians opponents are all trash, but an expert would point out the precision and timing of his blocks and counters, for he does far more than just hunker down and wait for impact. The former farm-hand has a knack for active blocking, meeting every strike with one of his own to throw off his opponents sense of timing and create an opening for the subsequent killing thrust. Neck, heart, liver, and groin, these are his favoured targets, all fatal targets save for the last, but not even the crazed Defiled can keep fighting with their nether-regions impaled.In keeping with the theme of frightening efficiency, my former second Mister Rustram had finally come into his own as a Warrior of renown, wielding his rapier to kill every Enemy who comes within range. A deceptively long range to boot, given his newfangled familiarity with Domain Plating and Honing, which he uses to extend the length of his thin sword and kill without even having to touch his foes. A skill he picked up all on his own I might add, without the need for assistance from my Natal Souls, so the only help I offer now is a quick top off of his Core. With Yazhu holding the centre, and Ogum, Shodo, Wen Na, and Tengo on the wings, their battle-line soon turns into a crescent moon, with either end pushing forward while the centre stands in place, creating a killing ground around Rustram and Lixian standing alone at the forefront.Despite having distanced myself emotionally from the fray, I cannot help but personally lend Rustram a hand, because despite his outer veneer of calm confidence, I can sense his concern stewing within. The moment I see a lull in the fighting, I Send, Sai Chou is alive and well, and its heartening to see his shoulders visibly relax as he takes in the good news. Shares partial credit for killing Mataram YuChun as well. Concern and pride war within my good friend, as well as no small amount of self-deprecation, no doubt lamenting how hes even less worthy of his wife now that shes killed a Peak Expert who was well on his way to becoming a Living Legend, a sentiment I relate with all too well. Just a suggestion regarding your new ability to solidify your Domain; it is a skill as flexible as your imagination can make it, so dont get too fixated on this singular use.A word of advice is all I have to offer, because Huu is still closed off to my more esoteric attempts to help. I mean, I get it, not everyone wants to mix souls, because truth be told, it sounds kinda gross and overly intimate, but cmon now. Here I am trying to bare my literal soul to the people I care most about and a good half of them refuse to even entertain the notion, while so many strangers are more than willing to open themselves up to me. Then again, for all intents and purposes, Im essentially trying to infect them with a benign Spectre, so I can see why Martial Warriors who spend their entire lives guarding against the lies of intrusive fragments of malignant souls would be reluctant to let me in.All totally valid reasoning which I would be more than willing to accept if not for the fact that Gerel of all people is wholly receptive to my Natal Soul.This discovery is so unexpected that the Call Centre Agent assigned to him decided to pass the buck over to me, and I cant really blame the guy. I too would love nothing more than to hand the decision over to someone else, because lets face it; Gerel is a difficult person to get along with. Not because hes rude or obnoxious or whatever, but rather the fact that he closes himself off from everyone and everything with his air of general indifference which borders on disdain. While we werent exactly neighbours, Gerels house was pretty close to Charok and Alsantsets, yet I can count the number of times I saw him out and about during the winter with two hands. I have no idea what he did with all his time when he wasnt sparring with the other members of the Iron Banner, though I suppose he could have been spending time with his Mentor, Hua Lie. Keep in mind that this is a guy who is moms junior martial brother, dads second-in-command, and all-around peak genius of his generation, yet I know next to nothing about him besides the fact that his only friend is Charok and Alsantset doesnt like him.So Im not the only one, and it shows. On the rare occasions I do see Gerel, hes always standing apart from the crowd, and not entirely by choice. The People are an insular bunch, but they look after their own, so its strange to see Gerel being barely tolerated by the rest. A Warrior as talented as him should have friends and allies aplenty, comrades in arms who fight at his side and hoist drinks in his name, but even after revealing himself as a thirty-three-year-old Peak Expert, there was little to no fanfare among the People and Sentinels. Like me, Gerel is a social pariah in his home village, and while I have never stopped to ask why that might be, I get the feeling that he prefers things this way. Since his marriage to Yuzhen, Ive seen even less of him around, but here in Shi Bei, I find that despite being one of the first people I met in this world, the person who brought me on stage to stand before the entire village and be accepted among them, Gerel is a complete and utter stranger to me.One filled with so much hatred and anger.His fury burns hot as he stands but a meter behind me, cloaked in Concealment so deeply that I can barely even tell hes there. It feels as if I could blink and lose track of him despite being able to feel the heat of his emotions pouring off him like a roaring furnace on full blast, his rage fixated on the forces of the Enemy before him. He yearns to spill blood with sword and glaive in hand, hungers for the thrill and glory of combat, but more than that, he believes this is his sole purpose in life. Thats why he doesnt care to make friends or socialize, because killing Defiled is all he cares about. In his eyes, the Martial Path is not something he pursues, but a calling demanded of him by the Mother Above, which he said as much several months ago when he criticized me for my lack of faith. At the time, I chalked him up as a religious nutjob, but its not piety and devotion which fuels his passion, but intense zeal bordering on fanaticism. The Defiled are a blight upon humanity, and he sees himself as one of many tasked with its removal, a Holy Warrior in every sense of the word. This is his faith, his motivation, his purpose for being, and he will stop at nothing until the Defiled threat is eradicated in full. Even if we win this war and drive the Enemy back out of the province never to show their faces again, Gerel would take it upon himself to ride out in search of the foul minions of the Father, even if he must go beyond the borders of the Empire to do so.Which is why being forced to stand idly by as the Defiled fight and kill fills him with rage and frustration, but he understands the necessity of holding back. Tactically, its the right decision as the Enemy elites have yet to commit, but even knowing this, he yearns to throw himself into battle because it is all he has, a mindset even he recognizes is not healthy. His thoughts turn to Yuzhen and it shows in his emotions, so full of love and commitment but also fear and bitter regret, possibly because he knows that his love for battle and bloodshed will always come first, and that she deserves better than second place in his heart.Unlike me, Gerel doesnt dwell on his dark thoughts but simply accepts things the way they are, because he has long since given up on trying to become a better man. Its a shade of resignation I know well, as I too have been stained by this same fatalistic acceptance, but Gerel has it far worse. Hes lived with it for so long that the emptiness has become a part of him, one he not only identifies with, but clings to because he has nothing else in his life worth holding onto, or at least that was the case until recently. This is who he is, Gerel, Warrior and Husband, and he wholeheartedly believes he is destined to fail as the latter, that he will meet his end on the field of battle and leave Yuzhen a widow, an outcome he almost looks forward to, because then she can find someone more deserving to love.Before I can even come up with something to say, Gerel has already moved on from his dark place, or perhaps its better to say he was always there and is now focused on other things instead. A burst of pride pushes past all the anger and hatred, and while that is all I can read from his emotions, I notice that his pride is strongest whenever his attentions turn towards me. Hes proud of me, for some reason, delighted by my newfangled strength, and while I wouldnt go as far as to say he admires me, his chest puffs and back straightens every time he glances in my direction. Hes contented to see how far Ive come, and takes no small measure of satisfaction from it, as if he had anything to do with it in the first place. I suppose weve sparred a good amount, and he was there at the start, but I have no idea why hes so pleased by my accomplishments or why he would be proud of me in the first place. Not proud like, Hey I know that guy, or I used to chop his legs off all the time, but a more personal pride, like, Hes finally living up to his potential, sort of pride, something youd expect from my parents rather than casual acquaintance that Gerel is.What a weirdo. Thankfully, theres no way hes my father, because even though people think we look alike and sometimes mistake us for brothers, he wouldve been thirteen or something when I was born. Not impossible, but icky and improbable, so I doubt Ill be calling him daddy anytime soon.Or ever actually. Even if he is my father. Which he most definitely isnt.Truth be told, its easy to see why I dont like him. Hes arrogant enough to believe it is his holy duty to fight the Defiled, and overly humble about his accomplishments, which comes off as haughty and imperious, as if he was merely setting the standard for Martial Warriors and those unable to match up were all failures. Hes antisocial to the extreme and makes no effort to connect with the people around him, not even those he meets with every day, and he prefers things this way. He lives his life at one extreme, pushing himself to the limits in everything he tries, so much so that he doesnt understand how to dial it back. A spar with him is just a death match without death, which is why only the bored Warriors of the Iron Banner can stomach his company. Deep down, he doesnt like who he is, but he doesnt know how to be any other way, and though he loves his wife dearly with all his heart, he believes hell ultimately end up disappointing her and lives in dread of when that day will finally arrive.In short, Gerel is me but better in most ways. Hes taller, more handsome, and radiates this chilling intensity which makes enemies and allies alike both fear and respect him. The only metric Im ahead in is number of wives, and I wouldnt necessarily say thats 100% a win since it just means Im going to end up disappointing more women than he will. That being said, I also admire the hell out of him, because even though I would never dare call myself his rival, I have always seen him as a Warrior to surpass. Thats why I always kept going back to spar with him despite losing so many limbs, because he was the means through which I measured my own progress. In my eyes, Gerel does set the standard for Martial Warriors everywhere, a truth I simply accepted because he embodies the concept of one in every way, shape, and form, so even though I never liked him, there has never been a day when I didnt respect the hell out of him. Even when he was chock-full of Spectres and on the cusp of inviting them in for tea, I was still in awe of his strength and determination because any other person would have long since gone over to the dark side.So while Dad is and always will be my hero, and Mila the person I wish to surpass, Gerel is the man who I will always measure myself against, because in my eyes, he is the ultimate Martial Warrior. A dedicated, hardworking man without any real flaws or weaknesses aside from his anti-social tendencies, which I cant really comment on since Im at least equally as bad, if not worse.All this and more is revealed to him as my Natal Soul merges with him to share how I feel, and I sense his alarm turn to surprise, admiration, and gratitude as it all sinks in. Youre a better man than you think you are, I Send, using the language of the People to show my recognition of our shared roots. A Warrior I am proud to fight alongside, and when this is all over, one I would like to share a drink with, if thats alright with you.Oddly enough, Gerel reacts to my friendly offer with a spike of panic as he glances towards Dad and Sends something, who responds with wide-eyed dismay followed by palpable relief. Even if I wasnt tapped in to their ambient emotions, Id be able to read all this from their expressions alone, and I have an inkling as to why they would react this way, though I hope Im wrong. A long second passes as Dad studies my face as he Sends something back to Gerel, and then both of them try to play it off as nothing by simply pretending itd never happened in the first place, a status quo I would love to keep. I look forward to that drink, Gerel Sends, sounding anything but, followed by, Though Id much prefer a sparring match first. Would love to see how far youve come and if I can still take your legs off as easily as before.See, this is why no one likes him. Hes being one-hundred percent serious when he says this, which means hes challenging me to a spar with the intent of dismembering me. I mean, yea, we tend to push the limits of propriety in our spars and have almost accidentally killed each other on multiple occasions, but that doesnt mean I enjoy losing limbs and almost dying.though I suppose I can see why he might think otherwise. I mean, there were times when hed cut my legs off and wed keep sparring as soon as I finished re-attaching them, or Id stab him in the gut and grin about it, so I guess were both equally to blame for this misunderstanding.Whatever. Putting Gerel out of mind because his infuriating ways are threatening the delicate Balance of my emotional well-being, I move onto the next subject of interest here in Shi Bei. I came here to kill Zhen Shi, but seeing how I have no idea where the fuck he ran off to, all I can do for now is watch and wait. Much like Gerel, I chafe at having to stand on the sidelines, but unlike him, Im unable to rein myself in. Pushing myself to the utmost limits and then taking a few steps even further, I settle into the rhythm of maintaining my precarious Balance for as long as I am able to while simultaneously waiting for my foe to show his ugly, wrinkled face.Because the moment he does, I will end his existence by unleashing the greatest weapon I have at my disposal, and if that doesnt work, I still have a Taddy and Pong Pong to spare, the former standing behind me and the latter hiding inside my man-bun because he thinks its warm and safe. Bring it on, Zhen Shi. Your days are numbered, for I am Falling Rain, and I have come to teach you the true meaning of regret.Mm too much? Maybe I should say something cooler, like, This day next year will be the anniversary of your death. Or go full edge and blurt out, Omae wa mou shindeiru. Then again, maybe its better not to say anything at all. I dunno. Well just have to see how it goes.Chapter MemeThis chapter is updated by novelbiin.com
