Chapter 202
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As long as I can remember, I think I have loved her.
Even when I was a little kid, I was always looking for the Shiho.
Because our houses were near each other, we were in the same kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, and high school, and for some reason we had always been in the same class … and had that kind of relationship, it was natural that we would be together someday.
She may not like me anymore.
However, I take pride in the fact that I am the one who has spent more time with Shiho than anyone else.
That is why I could not believe that Shiho was jealous.
Moreover, this feeling is not a cute jealousy, but a clear hostile jealousy.
It was a clear hostile jealousy.
The emotion was mixed with a stagnant feeling of “exclusion”.
(I didn’t know she was such an emotionally transparent girl…)
I was surprised, but was fascinated by the side of her that I saw for the first time.
I just couldn’t help but admire it.
Of course, Shiho is jealous now, and I must say, she is ruled by uglier emotions than usual.
But it is this human side of her that attracts me.
I was attracted to the gap between the innocent and the clean on the outside.
I think that a person who is a little muddled is more attractive than a person who is just beautiful.
(I now know why I’ve always loved Shiho even after she dumped me… That’s why I’ve never been able to shake off my love for her.)
I had never seen this side of her before, but maybe deep down inside, I sensed that side of Shiho.
She was not just a beautiful, transparent girl.
Perhaps it was her true nature hidden deep inside that gave depth to her humanity.
Therefore, I do not feel any disgust toward Shiho for being jealous over him.
On the contrary, I had positive feelings.
“In other words…, you mean to tell me that I should the woman who messes with … Nakayama fall in love with me?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Without moving her expression at all, she shook her head.
She doesn’t even try to hide her ugly side… Well, that’s not surprising.
To Shiho, I am a person who doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter if she hates me or not, so she seems to be revealing her true nature.
“Even if you say that…I’m not the kind of person that a woman would like.”
“It’s not like that. I’ve never seen you being disliked by anyone other than me.”
“……Is it so?”
“Yes. You’re aware of that, aren’t you?”
… Really, I wonder if I am.
Well, when I think about it, I certainly have never had anyone express blatant dislike for me.
I remember that if I talked to them, I could usually get along with whatever girl they were.
Come to think of it, the only … exception was Shiho. She was the only one who didn’t like me, but I certainly don’t think any other girl ever disliked me.
“I don’t really understand it, but you are really well-liked. But that fondness is usually only ‘superficial’ …, which is convenient for you.”
“Convenient?”
“Yes. Suppose she is enticed by you and falls in love with you, right? In that case … her feelings for Kotaro-kun would be ‘fake’. Since she would fall in love with someone of your caliber, they can’t be ‘real,’ can they?”
“…That’s a pretty messed up way of putting it.”
Unconsciously, I chuckle.
What does Shiho think I am?
But … well, I’m not angry.
In fact, I even feel comfortable being clearly denied.
“Because no one is as ‘on top’ as you are.”
“… I know. I’ve been living on the up side.”
It was like an eye-opener to have the bad parts clearly pointed out to me.
Perhaps, Shiho’s words are straight forward.
Yuzuki, though, gave me a full affirmation of who I am now.
However, I knew that I was not a person who should be affirmed.
That is why I felt uncomfortable.
Even when Yuzuki comforted me, I couldn’t wake up.
But thanks to Shiho’s words,… I finally felt like I could face my ugliness.
No one else’s words could have helped me to be so honest.
In other words, Shiho is special after all.
No matter how much time passes, she is still my “favorite person”.
So … no matter how unreasonable the request is, it doesn’t matter.
“Oh, I understand. I will cooperate.”
If my power is useful to Shiho.
That’s all I need to get up on my feet.
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As long as I can remember, I think I have loved her.
Even when I was a little kid, I was always looking for the Shiho.
Because our houses were near each other, we were in the same kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, and high school, and for some reason we had always been in the same class … and had that kind of relationship, it was natural that we would be together someday.
She may not like me anymore.
However, I take pride in the fact that I am the one who has spent more time with Shiho than anyone else.
That is why I could not believe that Shiho was jealous.
Moreover, this feeling is not a cute jealousy, but a clear hostile jealousy.
It was a clear hostile jealousy.
The emotion was mixed with a stagnant feeling of “exclusion”.
(I didn’t know she was such an emotionally transparent girl…)
I was surprised, but was fascinated by the side of her that I saw for the first time.
I just couldn’t help but admire it.
Of course, Shiho is jealous now, and I must say, she is ruled by uglier emotions than usual.
But it is this human side of her that attracts me.
I was attracted to the gap between the innocent and the clean on the outside.
I think that a person who is a little muddled is more attractive than a person who is just beautiful.
(I now know why I’ve always loved Shiho even after she dumped me… That’s why I’ve never been able to shake off my love for her.)
I had never seen this side of her before, but maybe deep down inside, I sensed that side of Shiho.
She was not just a beautiful, transparent girl.
Perhaps it was her true nature hidden deep inside that gave depth to her humanity.
Therefore, I do not feel any disgust toward Shiho for being jealous over him.
On the contrary, I had positive feelings.
“In other words…, you mean to tell me that I should the woman who messes with … Nakayama fall in love with me?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Without moving her expression at all, she shook her head.
She doesn’t even try to hide her ugly side… Well, that’s not surprising.
To Shiho, I am a person who doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter if she hates me or not, so she seems to be revealing her true nature.
“Even if you say that…I’m not the kind of person that a woman would like.”
“It’s not like that. I’ve never seen you being disliked by anyone other than me.”
“……Is it so?”
“Yes. You’re aware of that, aren’t you?”
… Really, I wonder if I am.
Well, when I think about it, I certainly have never had anyone express blatant dislike for me.
I remember that if I talked to them, I could usually get along with whatever girl they were.
Come to think of it, the only … exception was Shiho. She was the only one who didn’t like me, but I certainly don’t think any other girl ever disliked me.
“I don’t really understand it, but you are really well-liked. But that fondness is usually only ‘superficial’ …, which is convenient for you.”
“Convenient?”
“Yes. Suppose she is enticed by you and falls in love with you, right? In that case … her feelings for Kotaro-kun would be ‘fake’. Since she would fall in love with someone of your caliber, they can’t be ‘real,’ can they?”
“…That’s a pretty messed up way of putting it.”
Unconsciously, I chuckle.
What does Shiho think I am?
But … well, I’m not angry.
In fact, I even feel comfortable being clearly denied.
“Because no one is as ‘on top’ as you are.”
“… I know. I’ve been living on the up side.”
It was like an eye-opener to have the bad parts clearly pointed out to me.
Perhaps, Shiho’s words are straight forward.
Yuzuki, though, gave me a full affirmation of who I am now.
However, I knew that I was not a person who should be affirmed.
That is why I felt uncomfortable.
Even when Yuzuki comforted me, I couldn’t wake up.
But thanks to Shiho’s words,… I finally felt like I could face my ugliness.
No one else’s words could have helped me to be so honest.
In other words, Shiho is special after all.
No matter how much time passes, she is still my “favorite person”.
So … no matter how unreasonable the request is, it doesn’t matter.
“Oh, I understand. I will cooperate.”
If my power is useful to Shiho.
That’s all I need to get up on my feet.
As long as I can remember, I think I have loved her.Even when I was a little kid, I was always looking for the Shiho.Because our houses were near each other, we were in the same kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, and high school, and for some reason we had always been in the same class and had that kind of relationship, it was natural that we would be together someday.She may not like me anymore.However, I take pride in the fact that I am the one who has spent more time with Shiho than anyone else.That is why I could not believe that Shiho was jealous.Moreover, this feeling is not a cute jealousy, but a clear hostile jealousy.It was a clear hostile jealousy.The emotion was mixed with a stagnant feeling of exclusion.I didn't know she was such an emotionally transparent girlI was surprised, but was fascinated by the side of her that I saw for the first time.I just couldn't help but admire it.Of course, Shiho is jealous now, and I must say, she is ruled by uglier emotions than usual.But it is this human side of her that attracts me.I was attracted to the gap between the innocent and the clean on the outside.I think that a person who is a little muddled is more attractive than a person who is just beautiful.I now know why I've always loved Shiho even after she dumped me That's why I've never been able to shake off my love for her.I had never seen this side of her before, but maybe deep down inside, I sensed that side of Shiho.She was not just a beautiful, transparent girl.Perhaps it was her true nature hidden deep inside that gave depth to her humanity.Therefore, I do not feel any disgust toward Shiho for being jealous over him.On the contrary, I had positive feelings.In other words, you mean to tell me that I should the woman who messes with Nakayama fall in love with me?Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.Without moving her expression at all, she shook her head.She doesn't even try to hide her ugly side Well, that's not surprising.To Shiho, I am a person who doesn't matter.It doesn't matter if she hates me or not, so she seems to be revealing her true nature.Even if you say thatI'm not the kind of person that a woman would like.It's not like that. I've never seen you being disliked by anyone other than me.Is it so?Yes. You're aware of that, aren't you? Really, I wonder if I am.Well, when I think about it, I certainly have never had anyone express blatant dislike for me.I remember that if I talked to them, I could usually get along with whatever girl they were.Come to think of it, the only exception was Shiho. She was the only one who didn't like me, but I certainly don't think any other girl ever disliked me.I don't really understand it, but you are really well-liked. But that fondness is usually only superficial' , which is convenient for you.Convenient?Yes. Suppose she is enticed by you and falls in love with you, right? In that case her feelings for Kotaro-kun would be fake'. Since she would fall in love with someone of your caliber, they can't be real,' can they?That's a pretty messed up way of putting it.Unconsciously, I chuckle.What does Shiho think I am?But well, I'm not angry.In fact, I even feel comfortable being clearly denied.Because no one is as on top' as you are. I know. I've been living on the up side.It was like an eye-opener to have the bad parts clearly pointed out to me.Perhaps, Shiho's words are straight forward.Yuzuki, though, gave me a full affirmation of who I am now.However, I knew that I was not a person who should be affirmed.That is why I felt uncomfortable.Even when Yuzuki comforted me, I couldn't wake up.But thanks to Shiho's words, I finally felt like I could face my ugliness.No one else's words could have helped me to be so honest.In other words, Shiho is special after all.No matter how much time passes, she is still my favorite person.So no matter how unreasonable the request is, it doesn't matter.Oh, I understand. I will cooperate.If my power is useful to Shiho.That's all I need to get up on my feet.
