Squeaks let out a little squeak, and Prin released his arm quickly.
“I’m sorry about that.” The prince sighed and closed his eyes, “I’m in a lot of pain.” When he opened them again the spell was over and he felt a little more himself. He had a sudden wish to end this conversation just as soon as humanly possible. And for a drink of water. Prin felt hot.
“Have you tried talking to the captain? He seemed like a reasonable fellow?” Or did he? It wasn’t like Prin actually knew him or anything.
“Cap’n Beams?” Squeaks asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion. “Ya’know, there’s actually a whole story about why he’s called ‘at”
“Don’t try to distract me.” Prin said, trying to keep his tone neutral. Squeaks did not seem to be the type to take a scolding well, although he doubtless had had many. “You know I mean telling him about Mac, and what he did. You’re probably not even the only crew member he’s hurt.” The prince could immediately tell that his very reasonable words were just whistling in a windstorm, as nanny used to say.
“Oh no-oo! I couldn’t tell ‘im nuffing like ‘at. If its not about the ship, ya don’t bother the cap’n. He might kick me clear offa the ship for it.” Squeaks said.
“Well . . . Would it be so bad if he did?” Prin wondered.
Squeaks eyes widened into huge globes. “This is the best job I ever had. All the food ya can eat, and a sa’ry to boot. Though it aint much, I don’t wanna lose it. If yous was stayin’ on, it’d be almos perfect.” He gave the prince a shy look.
Prin sighed. “I don’t know what to do for you, if you don’t want to tell anyone.” Although he did, he did know what to do. That little voice from the back of his mind, or rather from the deepest pit of his stomach, was talking again. And it only ever had the one thing to say. “Don’t worry about me though. I’m not worried.”
“You don’ seem at all well.” Squeaks said cautiously.
“Just let me get some rest.” The prince said. “I’m sure it will help.” He stood up and went to the door to usher Squeaks out, but the boy didn’t stand up to follow.
“Maybe I should stay with ya? I could get ya some soup and then come right back? I could getcher man and bring him to ya?” Squeaks fidgeted.
“Thanks, but that’s okay.” Prin said. “Wont you get in trouble? I know Elwin would say he doesn’t want to get in trouble with the captain.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Besides, I really don’t need to be babysat. I’ll be okay. You go back to work. I’m sorry I can’t be there to help.” If this boy would only GO. Prin gritted his teeth trying to smile, which he was sure looked ghastly and was going against the point he was trying to make.
Squeaks just gave him a worried look, as the prince got up and went to the door, hoping to be followed.
“Honestly, this is nothing new for me. I’ve spent my entire life . . . like this.” Prin said. The truth in his statement depending on whether or not he meant “sick like this” or, the other “like this” he now was.
Squeaks reluctantly got to his feet. “Maybe ‘at remedy aint had time to work yet . . .”
Prin nodded. “That’s probably it.”
Squeaks went out the door, turning back to face the prince quickly. “I’ll bring ya some broth later.”
“That’s okay, I don’t need it.” The prince gave him a gentle shove out the door, shutting it behind him. “Thanks for the offer though.”
The relief of locking the door again was palpable, creating at least one small barrier of safety between himself and his hapless friend. For now.
*
Elwin had a strange day shoveling coal. It did seem strange to even have such a thought, a foreign but already weirdly familiar thought.
His muscles had warmed up more quickly today and he felt like he was acclimating to the work, getting stronger. But it was still exhausting in a way that he doubted would ever improve no matter how used to it you got.
All day he had a creepy feeling, like the hair raised up on the back of his neck. Occasionally he felt like someone was staring at him. Well, let them look. Hadn’t they ever seen a man shovel coal before? He snorted at his own joke, being this was all they saw every day for a long shift, day in and day out.
He was probably going loopy from the heat and tiredness. Could they be roughly halfway through their servitude? He would have to find someone to ask who seemed like they might actually know. Most on the ship seemed to live in a state of timeless limbo, neither knowing, nor caring, when the next stop might be. That could never be Elwin.
He put down the shovel when he saw other men doing so, having worked out that this indicated a change in shift. His new friend Mac was standing in front of one of the large flame filled stoves, looking like he wanted to toss someone inside. It wasn’t like him to be in such a bad mood, as usually every time Elwin saw him he was all smiles.
“Hey.” Elwin said. “Times up! Want to go to the galley?”
The other man turned to look at him, narrowing his eyes darkly for just a moment. But long enough for Elwin to wonder if he was mad at him for some reason? No, couldn’t be that.
Mac quickly broke the tension with a smile. “Nah, gonna stick around here for a little while longer.” He winked. “Give my love to your man.”
It was Elwin’s turn to frown slightly. What had that meant? Just playful banter? He waved and smiled, like what he said had been perfectly normal. “Will do. See ya later.”
He left the coal room, still troubled by Mac’s demeaner. Although he couldn’t quite put his finger on why.
Elwin hurried down the halls of the ship and up and down the stairs (it was a bit of a maze, but one he was already growing more comfortable with), until he reached the galley, eager to see how his prince was doing.
Once again Squeaks and the chef were alone. Only this time, Squeaks gave him a grave look that sent his heart plummeting.
“He’s not doing a bit well, poor lil thing.” Squeaks said. “Won’ let me in, neither, I fink he might be mad wiff me.” He shifted from foot to foot.
“Don’t take it so personal.” The chef admonished. “I would slam the door shut too, if I saw that face a yours on the other side. Just sos I didn’t have to look at ya.” He guffawed at his own joke.
“I’m sure that’s not it.” Elwin said, frowning. Who would have the heart to be mean to this friendless weird little guy? Certainly not his Prin.
“Take ‘im some soup and some beer.” Squeaks said. “He aint ate a thing all day. I was only a knockin’ on the door so I could give ‘im some soup.”
Elwin ate his own food down quick as can be, to free his hands up to carry some to Prin. Squeaks gave him a ceramic bowl with a fitted lid wrapped in a towel and a drink stein. The drink was not suspicious at all . . .
Elwin almost asked what was in it, but Squeaks’ sad little face peeking out of that stringy curtain of dark hair, made him just want to get away as soon as possible. He would have to ask the prince if they had fought, although he couldn’t imagine what about.
When he had made it back to their cabin he knocked on the door with his elbow, after finding it locked, much to his relief. He knocked again quickly. “Prin? It’s me.”
After the third knock he heard the bolt go back with a thunk, and the door slowly creeped open.
The prince stood there, as pale as fresh milk with feverish red cheeks. He was hunched over, one arm on the door and the other around his stomach. His blue eyes dimly lit and barely open behind their forest of dark lashes.
It was one of those moments when Elwin was struck by how pretty he was when he was very sick. He was embarrassed that the thought had occurred to him even once, let alone that this was not the first time.
Elwin hurried inside and sat the food and drink down on the little table built into the wall. Once his hands were free, he picked Prin up in his arms and took him to the bed, laying him down with his head on the thin pillow.
“I’m sorry you had to get up to let me in, but I’m glad you locked the door.” Elwin said.
“I had to.” Prin said, his voice barely raising above a whisper. “He wouldn’t quit coming around. Just kept knocking and talking to the door.” He took Elwin’s hand and held it.
The prince’s hand was cold and clammy.
“What? Who did? Squeaks?” Elwin asked. “He didn’t try to do something to you, did he?” He put together both of Prin’s hands and tried to warm them up in his.
“No, no, not that.” Prin said. Every word seemed like a minor struggle. “It’s what I’m afraid I’ll do to him.”
Elwin didn’t ask anymore questions, not wanting to make him continue talking. He got some medicine from their luggage and made him take some and eat a few bites of broth before going back to sleep.
Elwin crawled into bed beside Prin, scooping him carefully into his arms, and closed his eyes.
In the middle of the night, with the stub of candle having flicked itself out into nothingness, Elwin was woken by a harsh grip on each arm. He opened his eyes to Prin’s twin lanterns, creating their own flame, like the hottest bluest edge of fire.
“What’sa matter?” Elwin asked, by this time already half used to the unearthly glow. “Do you need anything?” He wiggled in Prin’s grip but didn’t try to pull away. Where would he even go?
“You should leave. It’s not safe for you here.” The prince said.
“You’re silly.” Elwin snuggled his face into the area between Prin’s neck and shoulder. “I wouldn’ leave you.” He wondered if he was dreaming, hallucinating, or somehow both. He closed his eyes, hoping to get back to the nice part in any case.
He could feel Prin’s breath on his cheek. And almost feel, the heat from his eyes? No, that couldn’t be, but it did seem like he could feel that he still had his eyes open and was staring at Elwin. Elwin didn’t mind though.
“I’m not scared of you and I never will be.” Elwin mumbled groggily. “Stop trying to make me.”
The grip on his arms gradually loosened, and he could feel Prin shift around into a more comfortable position in his embrace.
“Good night, love you.” Elwin whispered.
“You too.” Prin whispered back.
Elwin’s eyes shot open in the morning, without waiting for the inevitable banging on the door, although he was sure it was coming any moment.
The prince was crumpled in his arms, as limp as a rag doll. For a moment he was very afraid.
“Prin, Prin!?” Elwin shook him gently, then with increasingly less gentleness.
“Mmm.” Prin mumbled, opening his eyes into little slits. “What are you doing?”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Elwin sighed. “You can’t keep doing this to me.” He cradled Prin in his arms.
“Doing what?” Prin asked.
“Worrying me half to death!” Elwin said.
“Oh well,” Prin waved his hand dismissively. “That’s gonna be a constant, I don’t know what to tell ya.” He closed his eyes again and nuzzled his face into Elwin’s chest.
Elwin laughed, although he wasn’t sure if that was the prince’s intention in saying that. He did hope it was a joke.
“Wake up just a bit, honey.” Elwin said. “So I can get some water and maybe a few bites of soup in you before you go back to sleep.”
Prin’s eyes shot open and he sat up. “Did you . . .?”
“Hmm?” Elwin tilted his head to the side.
“Did you call me honey?” The prince asked.
Elwin could feel his cheeks grow hot. “Is that not . . . normal? Would you prefer I didn’t?” He wondered if he had overstepped some invisible boundary. He had not even imagined such a boundary existing between them but maybe he had miscalculated.
“No, that’s not it.” Prin said softly. He took Elwin’s hand and held it with his cold one.
“Is there a different name you would prefer?” Elwin asked nervously.
“No. It’s fine.” The prince said. “I just didn’t particularly remember you ever calling me that endearment before.” He rubbed his eyes with the knuckles of his other hand. “I don’t feel like anyone’s honey at the moment.”
“What can I get you? What can I do for you?” Elwin asked desperately. He did not like the prince’s demeaner. He seemed depressed and sad again, as well as sick, but of course one led to the other.
“Nothing, I—” Prin started, before being interrupted by the door banging wake up call.
“Thank you! We’re up!” Elwin called at the door, and the knocking stopped.
Prin scooted away from Elwin, as much as could be done in the tiny bed and laid down.
Elwin wished the mattress were better, and there were more blankets and pillows to make him comfortable. He felt like he should be providing these things, even though he had no idea how.
“I better be getting to work then.” Elwin sighed. “I don’t want to leave you . . .” He wanted to promise he would be back soon to check in on the prince, but he knew he would have a hard time getting away from the coal furnace and didn’t want to make any promises he couldn’t keep.
“It’s okay.” Prin said. “Oh, there is one thing you can do.” He propped his head up on his arm and looked up at Elwin with those eyes, Prin’s eyes yet so strange and foreign like a creature from the darkest depths of the ocean.
“What?” Elwin wondered, almost afraid to ask. Because whatever it was, he would do it.
“Tell Squeaks to stay the hell away from me.” Prin said, no emotion in his voice. “I don’t care how you do it, but he can’t be coming around. He can’t help me. No one can.”
Squeaks let out a little squeak, and Prin released his arm quickly.
“I’m sorry about that.” The prince sighed and closed his eyes, “I’m in a lot of pain.” When he opened them again the spell was over and he felt a little more himself. He had a sudden wish to end this conversation just as soon as humanly possible. And for a drink of water. Prin felt hot.
“Have you tried talking to the captain? He seemed like a reasonable fellow?” Or did he? It wasn’t like Prin actually knew him or anything.
“Cap’n Beams?” Squeaks asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion. “Ya’know, there’s actually a whole story about why he’s called ‘at”
“Don’t try to distract me.” Prin said, trying to keep his tone neutral. Squeaks did not seem to be the type to take a scolding well, although he doubtless had had many. “You know I mean telling him about Mac, and what he did. You’re probably not even the only crew member he’s hurt.” The prince could immediately tell that his very reasonable words were just whistling in a windstorm, as nanny used to say.
“Oh no-oo! I couldn’t tell ‘im nuffing like ‘at. If its not about the ship, ya don’t bother the cap’n. He might kick me clear offa the ship for it.” Squeaks said.
“Well . . . Would it be so bad if he did?” Prin wondered.
Squeaks eyes widened into huge globes. “This is the best job I ever had. All the food ya can eat, and a sa’ry to boot. Though it aint much, I don’t wanna lose it. If yous was stayin’ on, it’d be almos perfect.” He gave the prince a shy look.
Prin sighed. “I don’t know what to do for you, if you don’t want to tell anyone.” Although he did, he did know what to do. That little voice from the back of his mind, or rather from the deepest pit of his stomach, was talking again. And it only ever had the one thing to say. “Don’t worry about me though. I’m not worried.”
“You don’ seem at all well.” Squeaks said cautiously.
“Just let me get some rest.” The prince said. “I’m sure it will help.” He stood up and went to the door to usher Squeaks out, but the boy didn’t stand up to follow.
“Maybe I should stay with ya? I could get ya some soup and then come right back? I could getcher man and bring him to ya?” Squeaks fidgeted.
“Thanks, but that’s okay.” Prin said. “Wont you get in trouble? I know Elwin would say he doesn’t want to get in trouble with the captain.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Besides, I really don’t need to be babysat. I’ll be okay. You go back to work. I’m sorry I can’t be there to help.” If this boy would only GO. Prin gritted his teeth trying to smile, which he was sure looked ghastly and was going against the point he was trying to make.
Squeaks just gave him a worried look, as the prince got up and went to the door, hoping to be followed.
“Honestly, this is nothing new for me. I’ve spent my entire life . . . like this.” Prin said. The truth in his statement depending on whether or not he meant “sick like this” or, the other “like this” he now was.
Squeaks reluctantly got to his feet. “Maybe ‘at remedy aint had time to work yet . . .”
Prin nodded. “That’s probably it.”
Squeaks went out the door, turning back to face the prince quickly. “I’ll bring ya some broth later.”
“That’s okay, I don’t need it.” The prince gave him a gentle shove out the door, shutting it behind him. “Thanks for the offer though.”
The relief of locking the door again was palpable, creating at least one small barrier of safety between himself and his hapless friend. For now.
*
Elwin had a strange day shoveling coal. It did seem strange to even have such a thought, a foreign but already weirdly familiar thought.
His muscles had warmed up more quickly today and he felt like he was acclimating to the work, getting stronger. But it was still exhausting in a way that he doubted would ever improve no matter how used to it you got.
All day he had a creepy feeling, like the hair raised up on the back of his neck. Occasionally he felt like someone was staring at him. Well, let them look. Hadn’t they ever seen a man shovel coal before? He snorted at his own joke, being this was all they saw every day for a long shift, day in and day out.
He was probably going loopy from the heat and tiredness. Could they be roughly halfway through their servitude? He would have to find someone to ask who seemed like they might actually know. Most on the ship seemed to live in a state of timeless limbo, neither knowing, nor caring, when the next stop might be. That could never be Elwin.
He put down the shovel when he saw other men doing so, having worked out that this indicated a change in shift. His new friend Mac was standing in front of one of the large flame filled stoves, looking like he wanted to toss someone inside. It wasn’t like him to be in such a bad mood, as usually every time Elwin saw him he was all smiles.
“Hey.” Elwin said. “Times up! Want to go to the galley?”
The other man turned to look at him, narrowing his eyes darkly for just a moment. But long enough for Elwin to wonder if he was mad at him for some reason? No, couldn’t be that.
Mac quickly broke the tension with a smile. “Nah, gonna stick around here for a little while longer.” He winked. “Give my love to your man.”
It was Elwin’s turn to frown slightly. What had that meant? Just playful banter? He waved and smiled, like what he said had been perfectly normal. “Will do. See ya later.”
He left the coal room, still troubled by Mac’s demeaner. Although he couldn’t quite put his finger on why.
Elwin hurried down the halls of the ship and up and down the stairs (it was a bit of a maze, but one he was already growing more comfortable with), until he reached the galley, eager to see how his prince was doing.
Once again Squeaks and the chef were alone. Only this time, Squeaks gave him a grave look that sent his heart plummeting.
“He’s not doing a bit well, poor lil thing.” Squeaks said. “Won’ let me in, neither, I fink he might be mad wiff me.” He shifted from foot to foot.
“Don’t take it so personal.” The chef admonished. “I would slam the door shut too, if I saw that face a yours on the other side. Just sos I didn’t have to look at ya.” He guffawed at his own joke.
“I’m sure that’s not it.” Elwin said, frowning. Who would have the heart to be mean to this friendless weird little guy? Certainly not his Prin.
“Take ‘im some soup and some beer.” Squeaks said. “He aint ate a thing all day. I was only a knockin’ on the door so I could give ‘im some soup.”
Elwin ate his own food down quick as can be, to free his hands up to carry some to Prin. Squeaks gave him a ceramic bowl with a fitted lid wrapped in a towel and a drink stein. The drink was not suspicious at all . . .
Elwin almost asked what was in it, but Squeaks’ sad little face peeking out of that stringy curtain of dark hair, made him just want to get away as soon as possible. He would have to ask the prince if they had fought, although he couldn’t imagine what about.
When he had made it back to their cabin he knocked on the door with his elbow, after finding it locked, much to his relief. He knocked again quickly. “Prin? It’s me.”
After the third knock he heard the bolt go back with a thunk, and the door slowly creeped open.
The prince stood there, as pale as fresh milk with feverish red cheeks. He was hunched over, one arm on the door and the other around his stomach. His blue eyes dimly lit and barely open behind their forest of dark lashes.
It was one of those moments when Elwin was struck by how pretty he was when he was very sick. He was embarrassed that the thought had occurred to him even once, let alone that this was not the first time.
Elwin hurried inside and sat the food and drink down on the little table built into the wall. Once his hands were free, he picked Prin up in his arms and took him to the bed, laying him down with his head on the thin pillow.
“I’m sorry you had to get up to let me in, but I’m glad you locked the door.” Elwin said.
“I had to.” Prin said, his voice barely raising above a whisper. “He wouldn’t quit coming around. Just kept knocking and talking to the door.” He took Elwin’s hand and held it.
The prince’s hand was cold and clammy.
“What? Who did? Squeaks?” Elwin asked. “He didn’t try to do something to you, did he?” He put together both of Prin’s hands and tried to warm them up in his.
“No, no, not that.” Prin said. Every word seemed like a minor struggle. “It’s what I’m afraid I’ll do to him.”
Elwin didn’t ask anymore questions, not wanting to make him continue talking. He got some medicine from their luggage and made him take some and eat a few bites of broth before going back to sleep.
Elwin crawled into bed beside Prin, scooping him carefully into his arms, and closed his eyes.
In the middle of the night, with the stub of candle having flicked itself out into nothingness, Elwin was woken by a harsh grip on each arm. He opened his eyes to Prin’s twin lanterns, creating their own flame, like the hottest bluest edge of fire.
“What’sa matter?” Elwin asked, by this time already half used to the unearthly glow. “Do you need anything?” He wiggled in Prin’s grip but didn’t try to pull away. Where would he even go?
“You should leave. It’s not safe for you here.” The prince said.
“You’re silly.” Elwin snuggled his face into the area between Prin’s neck and shoulder. “I wouldn’ leave you.” He wondered if he was dreaming, hallucinating, or somehow both. He closed his eyes, hoping to get back to the nice part in any case.
He could feel Prin’s breath on his cheek. And almost feel, the heat from his eyes? No, that couldn’t be, but it did seem like he could feel that he still had his eyes open and was staring at Elwin. Elwin didn’t mind though.
“I’m not scared of you and I never will be.” Elwin mumbled groggily. “Stop trying to make me.”
The grip on his arms gradually loosened, and he could feel Prin shift around into a more comfortable position in his embrace.
“Good night, love you.” Elwin whispered.
“You too.” Prin whispered back.
Elwin’s eyes shot open in the morning, without waiting for the inevitable banging on the door, although he was sure it was coming any moment.
The prince was crumpled in his arms, as limp as a rag doll. For a moment he was very afraid.
“Prin, Prin!?” Elwin shook him gently, then with increasingly less gentleness.
“Mmm.” Prin mumbled, opening his eyes into little slits. “What are you doing?”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Elwin sighed. “You can’t keep doing this to me.” He cradled Prin in his arms.
“Doing what?” Prin asked.
“Worrying me half to death!” Elwin said.
“Oh well,” Prin waved his hand dismissively. “That’s gonna be a constant, I don’t know what to tell ya.” He closed his eyes again and nuzzled his face into Elwin’s chest.
Elwin laughed, although he wasn’t sure if that was the prince’s intention in saying that. He did hope it was a joke.
“Wake up just a bit, honey.” Elwin said. “So I can get some water and maybe a few bites of soup in you before you go back to sleep.”
Prin’s eyes shot open and he sat up. “Did you . . .?”
“Hmm?” Elwin tilted his head to the side.
“Did you call me honey?” The prince asked.
Elwin could feel his cheeks grow hot. “Is that not . . . normal? Would you prefer I didn’t?” He wondered if he had overstepped some invisible boundary. He had not even imagined such a boundary existing between them but maybe he had miscalculated.
“No, that’s not it.” Prin said softly. He took Elwin’s hand and held it with his cold one.
“Is there a different name you would prefer?” Elwin asked nervously.
“No. It’s fine.” The prince said. “I just didn’t particularly remember you ever calling me that endearment before.” He rubbed his eyes with the knuckles of his other hand. “I don’t feel like anyone’s honey at the moment.”
“What can I get you? What can I do for you?” Elwin asked desperately. He did not like the prince’s demeaner. He seemed depressed and sad again, as well as sick, but of course one led to the other.
“Nothing, I—” Prin started, before being interrupted by the door banging wake up call.
“Thank you! We’re up!” Elwin called at the door, and the knocking stopped.
Prin scooted away from Elwin, as much as could be done in the tiny bed and laid down.
Elwin wished the mattress were better, and there were more blankets and pillows to make him comfortable. He felt like he should be providing these things, even though he had no idea how.
“I better be getting to work then.” Elwin sighed. “I don’t want to leave you . . .” He wanted to promise he would be back soon to check in on the prince, but he knew he would have a hard time getting away from the coal furnace and didn’t want to make any promises he couldn’t keep.
“It’s okay.” Prin said. “Oh, there is one thing you can do.” He propped his head up on his arm and looked up at Elwin with those eyes, Prin’s eyes yet so strange and foreign like a creature from the darkest depths of the ocean.
“What?” Elwin wondered, almost afraid to ask. Because whatever it was, he would do it.
“Tell Squeaks to stay the hell away from me.” Prin said, no emotion in his voice. “I don’t care how you do it, but he can’t be coming around. He can’t help me. No one can.”
