I peered above a boulder lodged into the sand.
The wet sand.
Yes. It was grim. Even with my feather steps, I could feel the sludge beginning to coat my soles like the congealed tears of my servants. But this? This was twice as bad. After all, those servants were not present to wipe away the grief they spilled.
Yet here in this darkened cove, the grains testing my boots were a distant second in the causes of my ire.
The grand galleon docked against the shallows of the basin was my first.
A behemoth of war which didn’t pale even against the mighty frigates of Lissoine. The armoured bow alone could be used to ram a leviathan, while its four decks boasted rows of hatches replete with blackened barrels of magically runed cannons to bring down a small fleet.
A fortress upon the sea.
Seeing it, I came to one conclusion.
It would make a fine flagship for my kingdom.
Ohhohohohohohohhoho!
Why, my plan had been to simply turn it into a coral reef!
My dreadful experience aboard the ogre vessel did nothing to change this thought! But the ship before me? This was no dying scrap!
Rather, this would make a fine memento of my triumph over the pirates infesting this part of the world … and also as a means to swat away any more which attempted to trouble us!
It was perfect!
Yes, the logistics of not having any sailors or maritime history was somewhat of an issue … but no matter!
Requisitioning such a large galleon to the kingdom’s fledgling navy of zero was an infinite improvement over our current strengths at sea!
My, what a stroke of luck, that the first ship to catch my interest just so happened to be the one to also hold the Golden Prince.
Indeed, its many sails woven in glittering fabric declared nothing less. The leader of the scoundrels was present.
And he was not alone.
Figures were illuminated by the smattering of moonlight peeking through the crevasse. They thronged the ship, manning cannons facing both the thin shore and the gap towards the open sea.
And curiously, not all of them were pirates.
To my disbelief, several women in dresses formed a giggling mob as they were allowed to toy with the deadly instruments defending the ship. Men in formal seafaring attire jostled to encourage them.
Even from here, I could spy the sweat dripping from the brows of the common hoodlums tasked with shepherding the merrymakers.
For a moment, I was aghast, wondering which kingdom’s dignitaries had sought to fraternise with pirates as though they were equals.
And then–
I realised it was far worse.
My hands covered my mouth as realisation struck.
Their gait. Their demeanour. Their stench.
No kingdom would ever shame themselves by possessing nobility who didn’t even mask the scent of their barnyard estates with perfume.
Not unless they came from somewhere inundated by the smell of the sea instead.
These … These were not merely nobility.
They were nobility from the Principalities. Landed thieves who stole everything except guidebooks to etiquette.
I was appalled. To date, I’d believed that my countryside’s barony formed the lowest echelons of aristocracy. Merchants who bribed their way to influence and former families of standing relegated to the outskirts of our lands.
And yet here I was, witnessing faux nobility dressed in stolen garb, pretending at high society with laughter that could not even fool the mice in our kitchens.
“Hehehehehe~ stop it!”
“You’ll get us in trouble!”
I winced as I heard it.
A pantomime of girlish giggling more appropriate for a jaunt through a town square than any formal gathering. There was no condescension in the laughter. No shrill cackling laced with hidden meaning. The lowest bar of nobility had failed to be passed. And that usually only required the person to still be warm blooded.
… Fortunately, I was on hand to provide valuable lessons in the art of gloating. And I would not be shorn of chances this evening.
“Ooooh~ that’s a lot of pirates,” said Coppelia, looking typically enthusiastic as she stood on her tip-toes beside me. “Bunch on the boat. Bunch on the sand. Bunch on the ramp between the boat and the sand. I think this is a record for hoodlums per square metre.”
I nodded with disappointment.
A thoroughly high amount of scoundrels was part of tonight’s programme. And I’d lost all my projectile apples to Apple and Coppelia.
“An important gathering of some description. How curious. Perhaps a conference on the worst tasting rum is being held?”
Coppelia suddenly glanced at me, her eyes sparkling with … yes, concerning interest.
“Can we–”
“No.”
“Booooo!”
“Keep your boos in reserve for these ruffians. You shall need them. After all, who knows what wretched schemes they are plotting? It cannot bode well for our kingdom that they entertain a formal function, as mocking as the sight truly is.”
Indeed, were this the flagship of any nation, then such a galleon would be a worthy venue for matters of state.
It seemed that this Golden Prince had ambitions beyond merely his title.
He wouldn’t be gathering whoever counted as persons of standing otherwise. And I hardly needed to shove a Seeing Stone into his mouth to know his destination involved my fair shores.
I stood up, ensured there was no sand clogging up my boots, then began making my way towards the largest gathering of pirates, just before the wooden ramp bridging with the ship.
“Very well, Coppelia. I believe it’s time to end this pirate nonsense, once and for all. The sooner we return to our kingdom, the sooner we can cackle at the ineptitude of our nobility.”
“Got it!~ What’s the current plan?”
“The current plan is that we walk unopposed through this mob of scoundrels and have a polite conversation with the Golden Charlatan, which may or may not actually involve words.”
“Mmh, mmh~ and by walk unopposed, you actually mean ruthlessly dispatch these hoodlums with your [Ball Of Doom] when they invariably attempt to stop us, yes?”
My immediate denial caught in my throat.
“O-Ohohoho! Truly, Coppelia, who do you take me for? Some violent adventurer who only knows how to handle every obstacle with overwhelming violence?”
Coppelia tilted her head slightly.
I could almost hear the cogs in her head whirring.
“... Yes?”
I pursed my lips against the assault on my dignity.
Then, I raised my head and appeared … princessy.
“Yes, well, I won’t deny that circumstances beyond my control have often led to unseemly confrontations. However, that will not be the case now. At least not until we’re well past those cannons.”
“Eh? Really?”
“Really.”
I nodded towards the weapons the false ladies were giggling over.
Indeed, if these runed cannons were to direct their vast destructive power on me, it would be the worst case scenario. Even the mere thought caused me to shudder.
Why … I had no doubt the resulting explosion of sand, sludge and sea spray would leave me too ashamed to face even a pirate!
I was trying with every ounce of my body to prevent sand from merely entering my boots! If it was to somehow seep into my hair, I may as well lose my licence to laugh at commoners!
No, this was a fine opportunity to do quite the opposite.
… To reinforce my status as a princess in the eyes of the person who needed to see it the most! My own future handmaiden!
“Truthfully, Coppelia, I’ve been remiss not to show you my gentle side.”
“Your what?”
“Exactly. While it’s important to be bold before the eyes of my foes, it’s also paramount that I be dignified in the eyes of my attendants. That is what it means to be a princess.”
“Oh, okay. Because the last princess I saw was just rolling on the ground back and forth while running away from her job.”
“T-That was an extreme example! A highly rare anomaly! A butterfly cocoon regressing back into a larva! Please do not view us through the lens of having seen such a shameful and unlikely event!”
“Also, I’ve seen you while you nap. The sounds you make are–”
“C-C-Coppelia!!” I shook her shoulder. She merely giggled in enjoyment. “F-Fear not! I … I shall make an effort to thoroughly impress you with my dignified candour! Watch and observe now how I cow the lowest of peasantry with my refined aura of royalty!”
I quickened my strides, eager to display the courtly face that I now realised was sorely lacking from Coppelia’s memories of me.
We were unchallenged as we strode through the midst of the hoodlums. Indeed, only a few glances were given as they instead tended to crates and barrels like dockworks racing against the evening. More guests were being expected.
And this meant a dedicated doorstop.
A man with a clipboard looked up as we approached the wooden ramp.
Though he was dressed in the same worn rags as his colleagues, his boasted the least creases. A distinguished merit worthy of additional responsibilities.
“Evenin’,” he grunted, the one word alone beginning politely and ending rudely. “Your invitations, please.”
I blinked, then covered the snort which threatened to immediately ruin my image.
Oh my. Invitations?
How quaint! These pirates truly wished to play at this performance, didn’t they?
Well, then … against such earnestness, how could I refuse?
Indeed, this was a perfect opportunity!
Now watch, my fair clockwork maiden! Allow me to demonstrate the free pass all princesses possess to attend formal functions, for we were always invited!
“Ohohohoho, a fine jest, sir. I see your humour hasn’t waned since we last met!”
I smiled in triumph.
Here it was! Feigning familiarity to forge a bond so awkward that no doorstop would dare have the courage to break it!
Indeed, these guards were little more than decoration. A part of the backdrop for guests to be reminded of their own importance. For a man with a checklist to refuse even a drop of warmth during their thankless night was unheard of.
Otherwise, it would take the social graces of–
“No, we’ve never met. I’ll need your invitation.”
–a pirate.
He sucked up phlegm in his throat, then casually spat at the ground beside him. He looked at the distance covered with a satisfied nod.
My mouth widened with horror.
O-Of course! How could I be so mistaken?
This was no true doorstop!
He was no poorly paid sentry merely hoping to make it through the night without some foreign dignitary demanding his head for some inadvertent slander! Why, this man likely had no tearful family waiting for him to return with his head still on!
He did not fear insulting the guests!
“O-Oho … hoho … ? My, it … it appears as though you are correct. My apologies, sir, I mistook you for another gallant hoodlu … hoolig … ruffi … vagrant … person whom I once knew.”
A number of the man’s nearby colleagues reacted with indignation, knowing that he should have the tact to allow a person of my clear bearing to pass unimpeded.
Instead, the man’s lips curled into a smirk.
An expression I was acutely familiar with. Whether lout or nobility, they all wore the same smile of having overestimated their own worth.
“Your invitation,” he said, now holding out his muddy palm.
I recoiled at once.
To extend an arm unsolicited towards me!
That … That was at least three capital crimes right there! Were a guard present, he would be lucky to still have it!
This wall of unculturedness! This utter disregard for social position!
Why, it was a towering barrier as tall as any fortress bastion!
I silently groaned in dismay. Must I truly resort solely to leveraging all my guile to weave my way past one knave’s overwhelming lack of propriety?
“If you don’t have your invitation, I’ll need your name.”
The doorstop made a show of slowly peering down at his checklist. I resisted the urge to make him scamper with my sword.
“M-My name? Why, I’m Ju …”
“Ju … ?”
“Ju … lie …”
“Julie?” The man paused, then gave a look of disappointment. “Oh, I see you now. Are you–”
“Juliette.”
A moment of silence passed.
“There’s no Juliette. You sure it’s not Julie?”
My lips quivered.
Yet even so–
“I’m … I’m quite certain, yes.”
I stayed the course!
Indeed, even if all the fate of the world rested upon it, it was inconceivable that I’d offer a name other than my own!
I was Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea! To be silent was one thing, but to say otherwise was an insult to my royal heritage!
“It is only a few letters difference,” I kindly pointed out, waving away this doorstop’s concerns for him. “Surely, that will suffice?”
“No.”
My mouth fell open. Especially as he took the opportunity to suck up phlegm in his throat once again. He proceeded to break his spitting record.
I took a step back, though it was not only due to the disgusting lack of hygiene.
A flat refusal?!
T-This had never happened before!
Nameless goons were always delighted to submit to my every whim! None ever denied me! They cried in gratefulness as I gave them the most menial tasks to stretch long into the night, glad that I simply acknowledged their existence!
I pursed my lips.
V-Very well! … There was only one thing remaining to do!
If royal authority could not be demanded, it must be asserted!
“Look, lady, I need a name or an invitation, and preferably both. I can’t just let you–”
Pwack.
Suddenly–
A resounding slap reverberated throughout the air, echoing within this large cove.
Yet it was not my hand which struck the blow.
Indeed, I’d simply planned on whisking them away with my sword and braving the deluge of wet sand from the cannonballs to follow, as undesirable as that was.
Beside me, Coppelia wore a stunningly rare look of refined dignity as she pulled her hand back. The shape of her palm was engraved upon the cheek of the doorstop, whose eyes mirrored the wideness of salad plates.
“How dare you speak to your social superior in such an uncouth manner, unwashed hoodlum. You lack the right to even breathe in her presence.”
My hands went to my mouth.
C-Coppelia!!
She … She just slapped a peasant for me!
I was … I was so moved!!
“You just slapped me?!” croaked the doorstop, his clipboard falling to the ground as all traces of his fleeting authority went. “You can’t just–”
Pwack.
“Silence, muddy peasant.” Coppelia paused, then looked up in thought. “... Ohoho.”
I winced.
It was … well, we could work that!
There was time!
This was merely the start!
Before her, the shocked doorstop stumbled backwards as two palm-sized blotches appeared on both his cheeks. Much of the mud had fallen off, displaced by the sheer strength of the slaps afforded to him.
Then, a different shade of scarlet rose upon his face as he reached for the cutlass by his side.
“You think you can–”
“[Coppelia Slap]!”
Thwack.
This time, Coppelia’s slap sent the man barrelling to the side.
His body crashed into a pile of crates … and then into the next set of crates behind them. A fallen tower of wooden stuff crashed around the man’s figure as the solace of unconsciousness met him.
“... Soiled swine. Ohohoho!”
Around the clockwork doll, stunned faces looked at her laughing expression with a mixture of horror and awe.
“You … You just slapped away Paul!”
“And I shall do the same for you, if you dare forget your place, filthy human. Oho–”
“Filthy … what?”
“Oops, sorry, I meant filthy hog … uh, ohohoho!”
She raised her palm, daring the next person to challenge her.
The crowd of onlookers withdrew immediately, hands clearly visible as they made space for the girl whose dignified gloating still required significant amounts of work.
With her hand raised to her lips instead, she obliged the fear of the louts, sweeping past and heading up the wooden ramp towards the golden ship.
“Ohoho. Ohoho. Ohohoho.”
Truthfully, she should have deferred and allowed me to lead. But as those on the galleon stepped aside for her coming, I reasoned that intimidation was also an appropriate use of a retainer’s talents.
And yes, her somewhat mechanical laughter most certainly needed work … but no matter!
I would teach her as long as required! Gladly so!
“Ohoho. Ohoho. Oho–uck, ack, oh boy, that’s tough! But eh, maybe fun every now and again~ just how do you keep doing that for more than two seconds, though?”
She whistled as she skipped ahead, unconcerned with both the fearful faces shying away from her and, well, making sure I was actually behind her.
Even so, I was relieved she couldn’t see me.
Otherwise, she would have witnessed the tears of joy being wiped from my eyes.
And I could not have a loyal handmaiden view me in such a despondent state.
I peered above a boulder lodged into the sand.
The wet sand.
Yes. It was grim. Even with my feather steps, I could feel the sludge beginning to coat my soles like the congealed tears of my servants. But this? This was twice as bad. After all, those servants were not present to wipe away the grief they spilled.
Yet here in this darkened cove, the grains testing my boots were a distant second in the causes of my ire.
The grand galleon docked against the shallows of the basin was my first.
A behemoth of war which didn’t pale even against the mighty frigates of Lissoine. The armoured bow alone could be used to ram a leviathan, while its four decks boasted rows of hatches replete with blackened barrels of magically runed cannons to bring down a small fleet.
A fortress upon the sea.
Seeing it, I came to one conclusion.
It would make a fine flagship for my kingdom.
Ohhohohohohohohhoho!
Why, my plan had been to simply turn it into a coral reef!
My dreadful experience aboard the ogre vessel did nothing to change this thought! But the ship before me? This was no dying scrap!
Rather, this would make a fine memento of my triumph over the pirates infesting this part of the world … and also as a means to swat away any more which attempted to trouble us!
It was perfect!
Yes, the logistics of not having any sailors or maritime history was somewhat of an issue … but no matter!
Requisitioning such a large galleon to the kingdom’s fledgling navy of zero was an infinite improvement over our current strengths at sea!
My, what a stroke of luck, that the first ship to catch my interest just so happened to be the one to also hold the Golden Prince.
Indeed, its many sails woven in glittering fabric declared nothing less. The leader of the scoundrels was present.
And he was not alone.
Figures were illuminated by the smattering of moonlight peeking through the crevasse. They thronged the ship, manning cannons facing both the thin shore and the gap towards the open sea.
And curiously, not all of them were pirates.
To my disbelief, several women in dresses formed a giggling mob as they were allowed to toy with the deadly instruments defending the ship. Men in formal seafaring attire jostled to encourage them.
Even from here, I could spy the sweat dripping from the brows of the common hoodlums tasked with shepherding the merrymakers.
For a moment, I was aghast, wondering which kingdom’s dignitaries had sought to fraternise with pirates as though they were equals.
And then–
I realised it was far worse.
My hands covered my mouth as realisation struck.
Their gait. Their demeanour. Their stench.
No kingdom would ever shame themselves by possessing nobility who didn’t even mask the scent of their barnyard estates with perfume.
Not unless they came from somewhere inundated by the smell of the sea instead.
These … These were not merely nobility.
They were nobility from the Principalities. Landed thieves who stole everything except guidebooks to etiquette.
I was appalled. To date, I’d believed that my countryside’s barony formed the lowest echelons of aristocracy. Merchants who bribed their way to influence and former families of standing relegated to the outskirts of our lands.
And yet here I was, witnessing faux nobility dressed in stolen garb, pretending at high society with laughter that could not even fool the mice in our kitchens.
“Hehehehehe~ stop it!”
“You’ll get us in trouble!”
I winced as I heard it.
A pantomime of girlish giggling more appropriate for a jaunt through a town square than any formal gathering. There was no condescension in the laughter. No shrill cackling laced with hidden meaning. The lowest bar of nobility had failed to be passed. And that usually only required the person to still be warm blooded.
… Fortunately, I was on hand to provide valuable lessons in the art of gloating. And I would not be shorn of chances this evening.
“Ooooh~ that’s a lot of pirates,” said Coppelia, looking typically enthusiastic as she stood on her tip-toes beside me. “Bunch on the boat. Bunch on the sand. Bunch on the ramp between the boat and the sand. I think this is a record for hoodlums per square metre.”
I nodded with disappointment.
A thoroughly high amount of scoundrels was part of tonight’s programme. And I’d lost all my projectile apples to Apple and Coppelia.
“An important gathering of some description. How curious. Perhaps a conference on the worst tasting rum is being held?”
Coppelia suddenly glanced at me, her eyes sparkling with … yes, concerning interest.
“Can we–”
“No.”
“Booooo!”
“Keep your boos in reserve for these ruffians. You shall need them. After all, who knows what wretched schemes they are plotting? It cannot bode well for our kingdom that they entertain a formal function, as mocking as the sight truly is.”
Indeed, were this the flagship of any nation, then such a galleon would be a worthy venue for matters of state.
It seemed that this Golden Prince had ambitions beyond merely his title.
He wouldn’t be gathering whoever counted as persons of standing otherwise. And I hardly needed to shove a Seeing Stone into his mouth to know his destination involved my fair shores.
I stood up, ensured there was no sand clogging up my boots, then began making my way towards the largest gathering of pirates, just before the wooden ramp bridging with the ship.
“Very well, Coppelia. I believe it’s time to end this pirate nonsense, once and for all. The sooner we return to our kingdom, the sooner we can cackle at the ineptitude of our nobility.”
“Got it!~ What’s the current plan?”
“The current plan is that we walk unopposed through this mob of scoundrels and have a polite conversation with the Golden Charlatan, which may or may not actually involve words.”
“Mmh, mmh~ and by walk unopposed, you actually mean ruthlessly dispatch these hoodlums with your [Ball Of Doom] when they invariably attempt to stop us, yes?”
My immediate denial caught in my throat.
“O-Ohohoho! Truly, Coppelia, who do you take me for? Some violent adventurer who only knows how to handle every obstacle with overwhelming violence?”
Coppelia tilted her head slightly.
I could almost hear the cogs in her head whirring.
“... Yes?”
I pursed my lips against the assault on my dignity.
Then, I raised my head and appeared … princessy.
“Yes, well, I won’t deny that circumstances beyond my control have often led to unseemly confrontations. However, that will not be the case now. At least not until we’re well past those cannons.”
“Eh? Really?”
“Really.”
I nodded towards the weapons the false ladies were giggling over.
Indeed, if these runed cannons were to direct their vast destructive power on me, it would be the worst case scenario. Even the mere thought caused me to shudder.
Why … I had no doubt the resulting explosion of sand, sludge and sea spray would leave me too ashamed to face even a pirate!
I was trying with every ounce of my body to prevent sand from merely entering my boots! If it was to somehow seep into my hair, I may as well lose my licence to laugh at commoners!
No, this was a fine opportunity to do quite the opposite.
… To reinforce my status as a princess in the eyes of the person who needed to see it the most! My own future handmaiden!
“Truthfully, Coppelia, I’ve been remiss not to show you my gentle side.”
“Your what?”
“Exactly. While it’s important to be bold before the eyes of my foes, it’s also paramount that I be dignified in the eyes of my attendants. That is what it means to be a princess.”
“Oh, okay. Because the last princess I saw was just rolling on the ground back and forth while running away from her job.”
“T-That was an extreme example! A highly rare anomaly! A butterfly cocoon regressing back into a larva! Please do not view us through the lens of having seen such a shameful and unlikely event!”
“Also, I’ve seen you while you nap. The sounds you make are–”
“C-C-Coppelia!!” I shook her shoulder. She merely giggled in enjoyment. “F-Fear not! I … I shall make an effort to thoroughly impress you with my dignified candour! Watch and observe now how I cow the lowest of peasantry with my refined aura of royalty!”
I quickened my strides, eager to display the courtly face that I now realised was sorely lacking from Coppelia’s memories of me.
We were unchallenged as we strode through the midst of the hoodlums. Indeed, only a few glances were given as they instead tended to crates and barrels like dockworks racing against the evening. More guests were being expected.
And this meant a dedicated doorstop.
A man with a clipboard looked up as we approached the wooden ramp.
Though he was dressed in the same worn rags as his colleagues, his boasted the least creases. A distinguished merit worthy of additional responsibilities.
“Evenin’,” he grunted, the one word alone beginning politely and ending rudely. “Your invitations, please.”
I blinked, then covered the snort which threatened to immediately ruin my image.
Oh my. Invitations?
How quaint! These pirates truly wished to play at this performance, didn’t they?
Well, then … against such earnestness, how could I refuse?
Indeed, this was a perfect opportunity!
Now watch, my fair clockwork maiden! Allow me to demonstrate the free pass all princesses possess to attend formal functions, for we were always invited!
“Ohohohoho, a fine jest, sir. I see your humour hasn’t waned since we last met!”
I smiled in triumph.
Here it was! Feigning familiarity to forge a bond so awkward that no doorstop would dare have the courage to break it!
Indeed, these guards were little more than decoration. A part of the backdrop for guests to be reminded of their own importance. For a man with a checklist to refuse even a drop of warmth during their thankless night was unheard of.
Otherwise, it would take the social graces of–
“No, we’ve never met. I’ll need your invitation.”
–a pirate.
He sucked up phlegm in his throat, then casually spat at the ground beside him. He looked at the distance covered with a satisfied nod.
My mouth widened with horror.
O-Of course! How could I be so mistaken?
This was no true doorstop!
He was no poorly paid sentry merely hoping to make it through the night without some foreign dignitary demanding his head for some inadvertent slander! Why, this man likely had no tearful family waiting for him to return with his head still on!
He did not fear insulting the guests!
“O-Oho … hoho … ? My, it … it appears as though you are correct. My apologies, sir, I mistook you for another gallant hoodlu … hoolig … ruffi … vagrant … person whom I once knew.”
A number of the man’s nearby colleagues reacted with indignation, knowing that he should have the tact to allow a person of my clear bearing to pass unimpeded.
Instead, the man’s lips curled into a smirk.
An expression I was acutely familiar with. Whether lout or nobility, they all wore the same smile of having overestimated their own worth.
“Your invitation,” he said, now holding out his muddy palm.
I recoiled at once.
To extend an arm unsolicited towards me!
That … That was at least three capital crimes right there! Were a guard present, he would be lucky to still have it!
This wall of unculturedness! This utter disregard for social position!
Why, it was a towering barrier as tall as any fortress bastion!
I silently groaned in dismay. Must I truly resort solely to leveraging all my guile to weave my way past one knave’s overwhelming lack of propriety?
“If you don’t have your invitation, I’ll need your name.”
The doorstop made a show of slowly peering down at his checklist. I resisted the urge to make him scamper with my sword.
“M-My name? Why, I’m Ju …”
“Ju … ?”
“Ju … lie …”
“Julie?” The man paused, then gave a look of disappointment. “Oh, I see you now. Are you–”
“Juliette.”
A moment of silence passed.
“There’s no Juliette. You sure it’s not Julie?”
My lips quivered.
Yet even so–
“I’m … I’m quite certain, yes.”
I stayed the course!
Indeed, even if all the fate of the world rested upon it, it was inconceivable that I’d offer a name other than my own!
I was Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea! To be silent was one thing, but to say otherwise was an insult to my royal heritage!
“It is only a few letters difference,” I kindly pointed out, waving away this doorstop’s concerns for him. “Surely, that will suffice?”
“No.”
My mouth fell open. Especially as he took the opportunity to suck up phlegm in his throat once again. He proceeded to break his spitting record.
I took a step back, though it was not only due to the disgusting lack of hygiene.
A flat refusal?!
T-This had never happened before!
Nameless goons were always delighted to submit to my every whim! None ever denied me! They cried in gratefulness as I gave them the most menial tasks to stretch long into the night, glad that I simply acknowledged their existence!
I pursed my lips.
V-Very well! … There was only one thing remaining to do!
If royal authority could not be demanded, it must be asserted!
“Look, lady, I need a name or an invitation, and preferably both. I can’t just let you–”
Pwack.
Suddenly–
A resounding slap reverberated throughout the air, echoing within this large cove.
Yet it was not my hand which struck the blow.
Indeed, I’d simply planned on whisking them away with my sword and braving the deluge of wet sand from the cannonballs to follow, as undesirable as that was.
Beside me, Coppelia wore a stunningly rare look of refined dignity as she pulled her hand back. The shape of her palm was engraved upon the cheek of the doorstop, whose eyes mirrored the wideness of salad plates.
“How dare you speak to your social superior in such an uncouth manner, unwashed hoodlum. You lack the right to even breathe in her presence.”
My hands went to my mouth.
C-Coppelia!!
She … She just slapped a peasant for me!
I was … I was so moved!!
“You just slapped me?!” croaked the doorstop, his clipboard falling to the ground as all traces of his fleeting authority went. “You can’t just–”
Pwack.
“Silence, muddy peasant.” Coppelia paused, then looked up in thought. “... Ohoho.”
I winced.
It was … well, we could work that!
There was time!
This was merely the start!
Before her, the shocked doorstop stumbled backwards as two palm-sized blotches appeared on both his cheeks. Much of the mud had fallen off, displaced by the sheer strength of the slaps afforded to him.
Then, a different shade of scarlet rose upon his face as he reached for the cutlass by his side.
“You think you can–”
“[Coppelia Slap]!”
Thwack.
This time, Coppelia’s slap sent the man barrelling to the side.
His body crashed into a pile of crates … and then into the next set of crates behind them. A fallen tower of wooden stuff crashed around the man’s figure as the solace of unconsciousness met him.
“... Soiled swine. Ohohoho!”
Around the clockwork doll, stunned faces looked at her laughing expression with a mixture of horror and awe.
“You … You just slapped away Paul!”
“And I shall do the same for you, if you dare forget your place, filthy human. Oho–”
“Filthy … what?”
“Oops, sorry, I meant filthy hog … uh, ohohoho!”
She raised her palm, daring the next person to challenge her.
The crowd of onlookers withdrew immediately, hands clearly visible as they made space for the girl whose dignified gloating still required significant amounts of work.
With her hand raised to her lips instead, she obliged the fear of the louts, sweeping past and heading up the wooden ramp towards the golden ship.
“Ohoho. Ohoho. Ohohoho.”
Truthfully, she should have deferred and allowed me to lead. But as those on the galleon stepped aside for her coming, I reasoned that intimidation was also an appropriate use of a retainer’s talents.
And yes, her somewhat mechanical laughter most certainly needed work … but no matter!
I would teach her as long as required! Gladly so!
“Ohoho. Ohoho. Oho–uck, ack, oh boy, that’s tough! But eh, maybe fun every now and again~ just how do you keep doing that for more than two seconds, though?”
She whistled as she skipped ahead, unconcerned with both the fearful faces shying away from her and, well, making sure I was actually behind her.
Even so, I was relieved she couldn’t see me.
Otherwise, she would have witnessed the tears of joy being wiped from my eyes.
And I could not have a loyal handmaiden view me in such a despondent state.
