Disappointing.
Were this man truly royalty, he would have chosen between at least two dozen ready made responses. All of them to do with the single strand of wayward hair I needed one of Florella’s combs to repair.
Instead, he blithely approached, a purposeful swagger in his steps as he sought to ward off the effects of his newly bestowed name draining him of dignity.
A futile effort.
Any pride he had was lost long before he’d shown himself to me.
“This has been entertaining,” he said, the flamboyant twirling of his spear betrayed by his cautious steps towards me. “Well, no, it hasn’t. But gentleman that I am, I shall still offer to escort you down.”
“You may escort yourself into a fish barrel. Doing so will ease your transit to the nearest prison for all of us. Yourself included.”
“Excellent. Just the answer I wished for.”
Background Tree paused, his eyes judging the distance between us.
Too far for him. Too close for me. I could smell the perfume. Eau de seawater mixed with a mother’s disappointment. Like troll sweat. But marginally worse.
And so he struck the first blow. My nose never stood a chance.
“Truth be told, I’m less interested in humouring the insults of a princess than I am in seeing how one fights. I take it you’re the martial one amongst your family?”
“No, I’m the gardener.”
“What?”
“Amongst my family, I’m the only one who enjoys botany. Most royalty keep only to the shallowest aspects of garden design, but I enjoy the nurturing process. It matches my gentle personality.”
“I’m afraid my very chastening memories of flying unimpeded through the air says otherwise, as does your open posture as you stand well within lunging distance of my conjured ranseur. Your confidence is an obvious insult. And trap.”
I blinked.
Oh.
So I was within reach, after all?
… I knew that.
“O-Ohohohoho … so you’ve correctly surmised my ample experience with facing polearm wielding adversaries. Perhaps I was mistaken, and you won’t make the grievous error of not surrendering yourself to my custody.”
Background Tree gave a small chuckle.
He ceased his needless twirling, then raised his weapon by his waist. A golden spear dribbling in golden light. A grim weapon. The thought of being struck by something so tastelessly monochrome was terrifying.
“I shall decline. Though I once had the pleasure of crossing paths with the Sword Princess, she was admittedly no truer a member of royalty than I am. It’s a rarity to find a genuine princess willing to brave the field.”
“Then you’ve never set foot in a royal residence. Otherwise, you’d know that each day, we’re forced to battle against the shamelessness of guests who overstay their welcome.”
Background Tree’s diminishing smile finally faded.
All that remained was a blithe expression and a raised eyebrow.
“I just want to say, it’s extremely aggravating how you claim my ship as your own, despite possessing absolutely no authority to do so. In fact, to steal my life’s treasure without even a moment of caution … why, I believe you would make a fine pirate.”
My jaw dropped.
This background prop … what was he insinuating?!
I did not steal! I requisitioned!
There was a huge amount of difference there! … And since I lacked the patience to explain exactly why, I swept out Starlight Grace instead!
It absolutely wasn’t because there were any similarities to be drawn!
Eliciting a gasp from my sister, my sword’s dazzling light seemed somehow even brighter than I remembered. Whereas the flickering scales of Background Tree’s armour lit the edges of the cove, mine was a light which poured into the night.
“A marvellous weapon,” said Background Tree, nodding. “To think that even a ranseur of pure magic would appear lessened. How many foes have you felled with such a deadly blade, I wonder?”
“Beyond count. My battlefields are strewn with the cuttings of errant weeds.”
Background Tree raised his spear, his eyes sharpening as he adopted a lunging pose.
“A sure boast. Yet I shall endeavour to hold back my blows. I am a prince, after all.”
I rolled my eyes.
A line like that warranted nothing less than immediate eviction. A problem, as I was being hampered by the very significant issue of Florella’s watching eyes. If I sent this man flying, she would faint on the spot!
Even so–her safety clearly took priority.
Very well!
I would have to make amends to my image later, like hugging a disgusting baby or something! I’m sure Florella would know where to find one.
“Such expected gallantry from a background tree,” I said, raising my sword. “In that case, what can I do but return it? Please decide now which of the dire confectionery on the floor you would like deposited into your face. The fudge roll is my recommendation. It is the most dense object available.”
“... Heh.”
To my disbelief, the man had the gall … to chuckle.
Why, it was the latest in an appalling string of etiquette violations!
I had absolutely no requirement to allow him to decide how he was going to meet his doom! He should be thanking me while savouring his remaining time with a working nose!
“A poor jibe, but I suppose princesses are more used to threatening ladies with ill rumours than intimidating seasoned fighters with nonsensical attacks. And here I thought you might take this seriously. You are not without talent, after all.”
I was appalled.
My [Spring Breeze] was … well, yes, it was unorthodox! But it is hardly nonsensical!
“Regardless, I’m afraid that talent can only do so much … especially if you hope I’ll meekly walk into your wind technique. A poor gambit. And I’m not in the habit of allowing opportunities to be squandered.”
Background Tree’s hands noticeably gripped around his weapon.
And then–
Kaproow!
Suddenly, the sound of a thunderbolt crashed against my eardrums.
With it came a blaze of light akin to a falling star, engulfing Background Tree with an aura of crackling lightning. Even as the light faded, he did not, his figure illuminated as though basked in the sun.
And yet even that failed to glow more than his returning smile.
“My apologies, Your Highness. But if you so willingly invite an attack, then I cannot guarantee the sanctity of every hair on your head. My face is my best feature, you see, and I must prioritise not seeing it damaged by your fine blade.”
Crack.
Swiftly, he placed his weight upon one foot. A splintering noise resounded as his heel shattered the wooden deck and a golden circle of flames roared around him.
I groaned. Another thing to be fixed.
“... So watch now!” said Background Tree, raising his volume as he did my disappointment in him. “A demonstration of a future king’s strength! A thrust to pierce the very sky! First is the will to pierce the scales, second is the strike to shatter the heavens!”
He leapt, shattering what remained of the deck beneath him.
“… [Twin Radiant Dragon]!”
A spectacle of light rushed towards me.
Two draconic wings engulfed in white flames burst from his back, propelling him forwards as an extension of the spear he wielded. As his unwanted face neared, so too did his intent. Gone was the jovialness, replaced by gritted teeth and creased brows as even the sweat upon his face burned with unnatural light.
It was an outrageous attack.
Indeed … for someone who’d only moments ago vowed to hold back to instead lunge with such murderous designs was a devastating display of impropriety!
The very air shimmered to his latest assault against decency.
The light poured into my eyes, and then all I saw were Background Tree’s golden armaments, each ablaze in a holy matrimony of fire and lightning as though forged by the elements and tempered by the heavens.
A blinding strike to sweep aside any defence.
And yet … what was this compared to the midday rays peeking between the leaves of my apple trees? How was this compared to the burning of my irises as I rose on my tip-toes, swiping at the shortcake I’d masterfully hidden in expectation of a busy afternoon napping?
Indeed, I peered past the facade of light.
And all I saw were unpolished scales of armour yellowing like wilting leaves. I saw a misshapen spear rotting like a diseased branch.
I saw a blemish.
A background tree which had grown far too ugly, its gnarled form dipping into the foreground and leaving foliage like a cat’s hairballs upon the ground.
And what did I do with errant trees?
Why … I pruned them.
Ohhohohohohohohohohoohoh!!!!
“A dire sight,” I said, stepping forward. “But I’ve fixed worse … A thousand dusks upon the ground, dreaming of a single dawn unbound. Gardening Form, 3rd Stance … [Autumn Tree Prune]!”
I did not wait for my foe.
Because for a man of more substance than words, his was a strike so slow that even his expression failed to change as I swept my sword towards his outstretched spear!
The point met mine. And his proved inferior.
His weapon shattered, form and magic alike breaking apart as my will to shear every awry twig proved unmatched.
Then–my sword continued unabated, striking towards the torso of the foe whose eyes only now began to widen with shock. Although I hardly saw why.
After all, I told no lie.
I was a gardener. And it was time to thoroughly trim.
The tip of my sword struck his armour.
And then–
Clink.
I flicked away a golden scale.
Clink. Clink.
And then another. And then another.
As though meticulously pruning an apple tree in my orchard, I efficiently and deftly flicked away at everything deemed a blemish to my sight.
And if that’s all I wished to do, this is where I’d stop.
The merest touch as I reinvigorated the gloss upon perfection.
But this was not one of my trees. And when all the leaves were rotten, a more comprehensive session was required.
“Wha–?!”
Background Tree continued his wild lunge ahead. I stepped to the side, rolled up my sleeves and went to work.
Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink.
Ohohohohohohoohohohoho!!
Here it was!
Driven by my ceaseless eye and unyielding disregard for even a single blot, I swept around and diligently removed all I deemed unnecessary for a mere tree destined to sway in the background to function!
Everything!
Bwaamf!
The man crashed violently to the floor, driven by his own momentum and possibly the lightest of pushes.
Then, all that shone was his look of utter horror, plus the bits of trifle upon his head as his golden armour fell around him in a cascade of plucked scales. Only his torso remained as he twisted around like a naked trout upon land, the pallidness as unimpressive as his face. But I hardly cared about that.
After all, I had what I wanted. And it certainly wasn’t Coppelia’s rampant, hacking laughter in the background.
“Thank you for relinquishing your armour as I requested. However, in future, please endeavour to deliver it as a single item. I have quite enough things to order my servants to sweep up as it is.”
Background Tree, now significantly improved, mirrored the wide size of his eyes with his mouth.
“How did … how was … what?!”
And now–the most important aspect to dispatching miscreants!
A hand to my lips, barely covering the smile as it spilled like wildfire! An elegant step forward, threatening a glimpse of my boot of authority!
Indeed, I’d held back this entire exchange! But in the end, it just didn’t feel complete without the crushing mockery!
And so–
“Ohohhohohohohoohoho!”
Background Tree looked at his palms. The weapon he’d held was gone, broken into dust as thin as his ambitions. All that remained were bits of cream and what ogres apparently thought of as chocolate mousse.
Then, he looked down upon his chest, made even whiter by the red flowing into his cheeks.
A moment passed … and then he rushed to his feet.
Not to dive off in shame and humiliation. But to throw himself. At me.
An expression contorted with rage. Gone was all lip service towards princeliness. All I saw within those eyes blinded by fudge was a reflection of the misery about to greet him.
I raised my sword as I prepared to lower him from background prop to fruit slime.
Disappointing until the end. But no matter.
After all, not every foe I met could be interesting.
I parted my lips–
“[Princess Cross]!”
“Bwaaaahhhhhh?!”
Only to promptly witness a fist smacking him in the side of his face.
I blinked, the start of my delicate [Spring Breeze] failing as a concentrated bundle of bipedal waste crashed to the floor … now imprinted with the knuckles of a heavily scowling princess.
One who was not me.
“[Princess Left Hook]!”
“Uaaghhhhh–?!”
“[Princess Right Hook]!”
“Oooowaaahh–!!”
“[Princess Uppercut]! [Princess Jab]!”
“Pwwwoooooaaaahhh–!!”
“[Princess Lead Roundhouse Spinning Back Kick Triple Hit Super Combo]!”
“Bwwaaaauuoogggghhhhhhh–!!”
My arms fell by my sides as I watched a tooth propelling from Background Tree’s mouth and out into the nether … just before he dropped head first into the hard floor, his chin wobbling noticeably as it collided with the deck.
Above him, her graceful form still fully in motion, was Florella Contzen, 1st Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea.
For a moment, she was the picture of martial elegance. Her tightly closed fists were raised, providing balance as her knees and legs followed through on an attack which had lifted her entirely into the air.
Then, she landed without stumbling, earning accolades only I could offer.
But she wasn’t finished yet.
She turned to the fallen figure of Background Tree, leaned down, and grabbed him by the ear.
“Uwaarhhh …. waahhhgh … ?!”
“You! How dare you throw yourself at my sweet little sister! She is an innocent maiden who knows only the perils of this world through bedtime tales! That you would seek to harm her is unforgivable!”
For a moment, the man on the floor could only blink at her through teary eyes, his expression hidden behind two rapidly puffing cheeks.
“Uwaa … you …”
“I waited ages in that dull room, listening to you waffling about sewage systems while you kept out of my 72 inch reach, and now you repay my patience with this!”
“Uuugh … itsch … itsch true … you really are … La Muerte Enma–”
“[Princess Diving Elbow Drop]!”
Letting go of the man’s ear, Florella jumped on the spot, performing a bizarre aerial manoeuvre ending with her elbow upon the man’s sternum.
“Bwwaaauhhghhghhghghhhhhh–!!”
A gurgled cry of pain echoed within the cove.
And then–no more.
I looked down upon Background Tree’s fallen figure, at the emptiness of his white eyes and at the froth spilling from his quietened mouth.
A moment later, I was peering at the gentle smile of my older sister instead.
She hopped back on her feet, fixed a wayward strand of her hair, then clapped her hands together.
“Juliette! You did so well! I’m so proud of you! You weren’t harmed, were you? Why, that knave! To think that he would dare lay a hand on you! And while naked, no less! The utter horror! But don’t worry, your brothers and sisters will always be there to shield you! … Juliette? … Hello, Juliette?”
I blinked as the image of Florella’s familiar smile weaved to and fro before me.
Still, all I saw was a flurry of righteous jabs being thrown with the acumen of a seasoned street thug, followed by a diving elbow strike with the kindness of a plunging boulder.
As these two images converged wildly together, questions and confusion danced as an endless swirl around the forefront of my mind.
At last, I decided on the correct response.
“Ooooooh …”
I nodded fervently. And then I started clapping.
Immediately, I was joined by my loyal handmaiden, whose eyes were sparkling with a hue equal to my own as we applauded the acrobatic display of spinning justice.
As expected of the 1st Princess of the Kingdom of Tirea, she did everything elegantly! Even beating up low-lifes!
I smiled.
Why … I still had lots to learn!
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Disappointing.
Were this man truly royalty, he would have chosen between at least two dozen ready made responses. All of them to do with the single strand of wayward hair I needed one of Florella’s combs to repair.
Instead, he blithely approached, a purposeful swagger in his steps as he sought to ward off the effects of his newly bestowed name draining him of dignity.
A futile effort.
Any pride he had was lost long before he’d shown himself to me.
“This has been entertaining,” he said, the flamboyant twirling of his spear betrayed by his cautious steps towards me. “Well, no, it hasn’t. But gentleman that I am, I shall still offer to escort you down.”
“You may escort yourself into a fish barrel. Doing so will ease your transit to the nearest prison for all of us. Yourself included.”
“Excellent. Just the answer I wished for.”
Background Tree paused, his eyes judging the distance between us.
Too far for him. Too close for me. I could smell the perfume. Eau de seawater mixed with a mother’s disappointment. Like troll sweat. But marginally worse.
And so he struck the first blow. My nose never stood a chance.
“Truth be told, I’m less interested in humouring the insults of a princess than I am in seeing how one fights. I take it you’re the martial one amongst your family?”
“No, I’m the gardener.”
“What?”
“Amongst my family, I’m the only one who enjoys botany. Most royalty keep only to the shallowest aspects of garden design, but I enjoy the nurturing process. It matches my gentle personality.”
“I’m afraid my very chastening memories of flying unimpeded through the air says otherwise, as does your open posture as you stand well within lunging distance of my conjured ranseur. Your confidence is an obvious insult. And trap.”
I blinked.
Oh.
So I was within reach, after all?
… I knew that.
“O-Ohohohoho … so you’ve correctly surmised my ample experience with facing polearm wielding adversaries. Perhaps I was mistaken, and you won’t make the grievous error of not surrendering yourself to my custody.”
Background Tree gave a small chuckle.
He ceased his needless twirling, then raised his weapon by his waist. A golden spear dribbling in golden light. A grim weapon. The thought of being struck by something so tastelessly monochrome was terrifying.
“I shall decline. Though I once had the pleasure of crossing paths with the Sword Princess, she was admittedly no truer a member of royalty than I am. It’s a rarity to find a genuine princess willing to brave the field.”
“Then you’ve never set foot in a royal residence. Otherwise, you’d know that each day, we’re forced to battle against the shamelessness of guests who overstay their welcome.”
Background Tree’s diminishing smile finally faded.
All that remained was a blithe expression and a raised eyebrow.
“I just want to say, it’s extremely aggravating how you claim my ship as your own, despite possessing absolutely no authority to do so. In fact, to steal my life’s treasure without even a moment of caution … why, I believe you would make a fine pirate.”
My jaw dropped.
This background prop … what was he insinuating?!
I did not steal! I requisitioned!
There was a huge amount of difference there! … And since I lacked the patience to explain exactly why, I swept out Starlight Grace instead!
It absolutely wasn’t because there were any similarities to be drawn!
Eliciting a gasp from my sister, my sword’s dazzling light seemed somehow even brighter than I remembered. Whereas the flickering scales of Background Tree’s armour lit the edges of the cove, mine was a light which poured into the night.
“A marvellous weapon,” said Background Tree, nodding. “To think that even a ranseur of pure magic would appear lessened. How many foes have you felled with such a deadly blade, I wonder?”
“Beyond count. My battlefields are strewn with the cuttings of errant weeds.”
Background Tree raised his spear, his eyes sharpening as he adopted a lunging pose.
“A sure boast. Yet I shall endeavour to hold back my blows. I am a prince, after all.”
I rolled my eyes.
A line like that warranted nothing less than immediate eviction. A problem, as I was being hampered by the very significant issue of Florella’s watching eyes. If I sent this man flying, she would faint on the spot!
Even so–her safety clearly took priority.
Very well!
I would have to make amends to my image later, like hugging a disgusting baby or something! I’m sure Florella would know where to find one.
“Such expected gallantry from a background tree,” I said, raising my sword. “In that case, what can I do but return it? Please decide now which of the dire confectionery on the floor you would like deposited into your face. The fudge roll is my recommendation. It is the most dense object available.”
“... Heh.”
To my disbelief, the man had the gall … to chuckle.
Why, it was the latest in an appalling string of etiquette violations!
I had absolutely no requirement to allow him to decide how he was going to meet his doom! He should be thanking me while savouring his remaining time with a working nose!
“A poor jibe, but I suppose princesses are more used to threatening ladies with ill rumours than intimidating seasoned fighters with nonsensical attacks. And here I thought you might take this seriously. You are not without talent, after all.”
I was appalled.
My [Spring Breeze] was … well, yes, it was unorthodox! But it is hardly nonsensical!
“Regardless, I’m afraid that talent can only do so much … especially if you hope I’ll meekly walk into your wind technique. A poor gambit. And I’m not in the habit of allowing opportunities to be squandered.”
Background Tree’s hands noticeably gripped around his weapon.
And then–
Kaproow!
Suddenly, the sound of a thunderbolt crashed against my eardrums.
With it came a blaze of light akin to a falling star, engulfing Background Tree with an aura of crackling lightning. Even as the light faded, he did not, his figure illuminated as though basked in the sun.
And yet even that failed to glow more than his returning smile.
“My apologies, Your Highness. But if you so willingly invite an attack, then I cannot guarantee the sanctity of every hair on your head. My face is my best feature, you see, and I must prioritise not seeing it damaged by your fine blade.”
Crack.
Swiftly, he placed his weight upon one foot. A splintering noise resounded as his heel shattered the wooden deck and a golden circle of flames roared around him.
I groaned. Another thing to be fixed.
“... So watch now!” said Background Tree, raising his volume as he did my disappointment in him. “A demonstration of a future king’s strength! A thrust to pierce the very sky! First is the will to pierce the scales, second is the strike to shatter the heavens!”
He leapt, shattering what remained of the deck beneath him.
“… [Twin Radiant Dragon]!”
A spectacle of light rushed towards me.
Two draconic wings engulfed in white flames burst from his back, propelling him forwards as an extension of the spear he wielded. As his unwanted face neared, so too did his intent. Gone was the jovialness, replaced by gritted teeth and creased brows as even the sweat upon his face burned with unnatural light.
It was an outrageous attack.
Indeed … for someone who’d only moments ago vowed to hold back to instead lunge with such murderous designs was a devastating display of impropriety!
The very air shimmered to his latest assault against decency.
The light poured into my eyes, and then all I saw were Background Tree’s golden armaments, each ablaze in a holy matrimony of fire and lightning as though forged by the elements and tempered by the heavens.
A blinding strike to sweep aside any defence.
And yet … what was this compared to the midday rays peeking between the leaves of my apple trees? How was this compared to the burning of my irises as I rose on my tip-toes, swiping at the shortcake I’d masterfully hidden in expectation of a busy afternoon napping?
Indeed, I peered past the facade of light.
And all I saw were unpolished scales of armour yellowing like wilting leaves. I saw a misshapen spear rotting like a diseased branch.
I saw a blemish.
A background tree which had grown far too ugly, its gnarled form dipping into the foreground and leaving foliage like a cat’s hairballs upon the ground.
And what did I do with errant trees?
Why … I pruned them.
Ohhohohohohohohohohoohoh!!!!
“A dire sight,” I said, stepping forward. “But I’ve fixed worse … A thousand dusks upon the ground, dreaming of a single dawn unbound. Gardening Form, 3rd Stance … [Autumn Tree Prune]!”
I did not wait for my foe.
Because for a man of more substance than words, his was a strike so slow that even his expression failed to change as I swept my sword towards his outstretched spear!
The point met mine. And his proved inferior.
His weapon shattered, form and magic alike breaking apart as my will to shear every awry twig proved unmatched.
Then–my sword continued unabated, striking towards the torso of the foe whose eyes only now began to widen with shock. Although I hardly saw why.
After all, I told no lie.
I was a gardener. And it was time to thoroughly trim.
The tip of my sword struck his armour.
And then–
Clink.
I flicked away a golden scale.
Clink. Clink.
And then another. And then another.
As though meticulously pruning an apple tree in my orchard, I efficiently and deftly flicked away at everything deemed a blemish to my sight.
And if that’s all I wished to do, this is where I’d stop.
The merest touch as I reinvigorated the gloss upon perfection.
But this was not one of my trees. And when all the leaves were rotten, a more comprehensive session was required.
“Wha–?!”
Background Tree continued his wild lunge ahead. I stepped to the side, rolled up my sleeves and went to work.
Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink.
Ohohohohohohoohohohoho!!
Here it was!
Driven by my ceaseless eye and unyielding disregard for even a single blot, I swept around and diligently removed all I deemed unnecessary for a mere tree destined to sway in the background to function!
Everything!
Bwaamf!
The man crashed violently to the floor, driven by his own momentum and possibly the lightest of pushes.
Then, all that shone was his look of utter horror, plus the bits of trifle upon his head as his golden armour fell around him in a cascade of plucked scales. Only his torso remained as he twisted around like a naked trout upon land, the pallidness as unimpressive as his face. But I hardly cared about that.
After all, I had what I wanted. And it certainly wasn’t Coppelia’s rampant, hacking laughter in the background.
“Thank you for relinquishing your armour as I requested. However, in future, please endeavour to deliver it as a single item. I have quite enough things to order my servants to sweep up as it is.”
Background Tree, now significantly improved, mirrored the wide size of his eyes with his mouth.
“How did … how was … what?!”
And now–the most important aspect to dispatching miscreants!
A hand to my lips, barely covering the smile as it spilled like wildfire! An elegant step forward, threatening a glimpse of my boot of authority!
Indeed, I’d held back this entire exchange! But in the end, it just didn’t feel complete without the crushing mockery!
And so–
“Ohohhohohohohoohoho!”
Background Tree looked at his palms. The weapon he’d held was gone, broken into dust as thin as his ambitions. All that remained were bits of cream and what ogres apparently thought of as chocolate mousse.
Then, he looked down upon his chest, made even whiter by the red flowing into his cheeks.
A moment passed … and then he rushed to his feet.
Not to dive off in shame and humiliation. But to throw himself. At me.
An expression contorted with rage. Gone was all lip service towards princeliness. All I saw within those eyes blinded by fudge was a reflection of the misery about to greet him.
I raised my sword as I prepared to lower him from background prop to fruit slime.
Disappointing until the end. But no matter.
After all, not every foe I met could be interesting.
I parted my lips–
“[Princess Cross]!”
“Bwaaaahhhhhh?!”
Only to promptly witness a fist smacking him in the side of his face.
I blinked, the start of my delicate [Spring Breeze] failing as a concentrated bundle of bipedal waste crashed to the floor … now imprinted with the knuckles of a heavily scowling princess.
One who was not me.
“[Princess Left Hook]!”
“Uaaghhhhh–?!”
“[Princess Right Hook]!”
“Oooowaaahh–!!”
“[Princess Uppercut]! [Princess Jab]!”
“Pwwwoooooaaaahhh–!!”
“[Princess Lead Roundhouse Spinning Back Kick Triple Hit Super Combo]!”
“Bwwaaaauuoogggghhhhhhh–!!”
My arms fell by my sides as I watched a tooth propelling from Background Tree’s mouth and out into the nether … just before he dropped head first into the hard floor, his chin wobbling noticeably as it collided with the deck.
Above him, her graceful form still fully in motion, was Florella Contzen, 1st Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea.
For a moment, she was the picture of martial elegance. Her tightly closed fists were raised, providing balance as her knees and legs followed through on an attack which had lifted her entirely into the air.
Then, she landed without stumbling, earning accolades only I could offer.
But she wasn’t finished yet.
She turned to the fallen figure of Background Tree, leaned down, and grabbed him by the ear.
“Uwaarhhh …. waahhhgh … ?!”
“You! How dare you throw yourself at my sweet little sister! She is an innocent maiden who knows only the perils of this world through bedtime tales! That you would seek to harm her is unforgivable!”
For a moment, the man on the floor could only blink at her through teary eyes, his expression hidden behind two rapidly puffing cheeks.
“Uwaa … you …”
“I waited ages in that dull room, listening to you waffling about sewage systems while you kept out of my 72 inch reach, and now you repay my patience with this!”
“Uuugh … itsch … itsch true … you really are … La Muerte Enma–”
“[Princess Diving Elbow Drop]!”
Letting go of the man’s ear, Florella jumped on the spot, performing a bizarre aerial manoeuvre ending with her elbow upon the man’s sternum.
“Bwwaaauhhghhghhghghhhhhh–!!”
A gurgled cry of pain echoed within the cove.
And then–no more.
I looked down upon Background Tree’s fallen figure, at the emptiness of his white eyes and at the froth spilling from his quietened mouth.
A moment later, I was peering at the gentle smile of my older sister instead.
She hopped back on her feet, fixed a wayward strand of her hair, then clapped her hands together.
“Juliette! You did so well! I’m so proud of you! You weren’t harmed, were you? Why, that knave! To think that he would dare lay a hand on you! And while naked, no less! The utter horror! But don’t worry, your brothers and sisters will always be there to shield you! … Juliette? … Hello, Juliette?”
I blinked as the image of Florella’s familiar smile weaved to and fro before me.
Still, all I saw was a flurry of righteous jabs being thrown with the acumen of a seasoned street thug, followed by a diving elbow strike with the kindness of a plunging boulder.
As these two images converged wildly together, questions and confusion danced as an endless swirl around the forefront of my mind.
At last, I decided on the correct response.
“Ooooooh …”
I nodded fervently. And then I started clapping.
Immediately, I was joined by my loyal handmaiden, whose eyes were sparkling with a hue equal to my own as we applauded the acrobatic display of spinning justice.
As expected of the 1st Princess of the Kingdom of Tirea, she did everything elegantly! Even beating up low-lifes!
I smiled.
Why … I still had lots to learn!
kayenano
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