There was very little about a Holy Church conspiracy which made sense.
But then again, I didn’t require things to make sense. I only required the Royal Treasury to be filled. And as long as anyone sought to prevent that from happening, my course was as clear as my heart.
It was time to demonstrate my famed mastery of overwhelming diplomacy!
“Very well! It’s clear a pleasant conversation is in order. And by pleasant conversation, I mean the establishment of compensation. I will speak with this ...”
“Sister Rieze.”
“Is that her name? Excellent. I shall endeavour not to remember. You may rejoice now, vampire. Your humiliation at the hands of a mere sister will not be lessened. But it will be redressed. Providing, of course, that you haven’t been lackadaisical with your version of events.”
At last, the girl raised herself.
She offered me a look of immense puzzlement. One almost as out of place as her pink sleepwear.
“I did not confess my humiliation in order to request a confrontation. Rather, it seems both unnecessary and dangerous. Instead, I believe that through thorough investigation and collection of evidence, both the Holy Church and this mere sister can be removed through the proper workings of the law.”
I nodded in full agreement.
“Excellent. Because I am the law.”
“Um, sorry, what did you say?”
“I said what I said. Rest assured that as the foremost arbitrator of justice in this region, I intend on exercising my right to remove all scoundrels through any means I deem necessary. And I care little how sacred their attire is.”
The vampire, far from jumping for joy, rapidly shook her head instead.
“I don’t believe I’ve made myself clear on the matter. The sister who imprisoned me is no ordinary lecturer of misbehaving children. She’s exceptionally strong, and will doubtless burn you to a crisp if required. Her command of holy magic far surpasses anything I’ve–”
“Stop.” I held up my finger. “You’ve no need to repeat yourself. A sister with holy magic, a crossbow and unparalleled strength. Of the three, do you know which one concerns me?”
“... All of them?”
“Exactly. None. The reason being that I’m as pure of spirit as I appear. If this sister has even a whiff of piousness to her, she will drop to her knees and confess her sins before me with snot running down her face. Deciding how much I can wring the Holy Church dry for this debacle is the only battle I need to face.”
The vampire blinked, struck silent by the overwhelming radiance she had somehow missed all this time.
“You cannot defeat this sister,” she said simply. “It’s as though she’s empowered by the heavens themselves. I was unable to harm her. Her holy magic is terror itself.”
“Is that so? How unfortunate.”
“Yes, so–”
“For her, that is. Because while she is a sister, I am an angel. And in matters of the heavens, I have superiority.”
The vampire’s mouth widened.
A usually disconcerting sight given her fangs. And yet the more I viewed this girl in her pink sleepwear, the more I was inclined to believe that she’d been laid low by a particularly soul-sapping sermon.
Still, her scarlet eyes narrowed as she studied my noble figure, my brilliant sword, and the badge of shame upon my finger.
After a moment, the tautness of her expression relaxed.
“May I know who you are?” she asked.
I placed a hand upon my chest.
“I am Juliette … full title and identity undisclosed in the name of subtlety. This is Coppelia, my loyal handmaiden.”
“Hi there~”
The vampire’s gaze was hard as she glanced between the two of us. Her eyes lingered upon my sword, then searched for a black scythe which could no longer be seen.
Eventually, she gave a small nod.
“I am Countess Miriam Estroux. You will not have heard of me or my lands, for neither now exist except in the footnotes of history. And though I cast doubt on your ability to successfully confront an adversary as powerful as the one who awaits, it would be remiss of me not to offer adventurers a reward–”
“Not an adventurer~ she is though. Real superstar. Grab her while you can!”
“... a reward should you succeed in seeing away those responsible for the intrusion upon my reading time. Though I’ve little to offer other than my books, I shall offer what I have in payment for your endeavours.”
I raised a brow.
Oh my. Nobility?
Yet even with how heavy our books of ancestry struck upon my head were, I didn’t have a hint of recognition in the Estroux name. And a countess? A relic. An antiquated title no longer in use in this kingdom. Not since the barony had infested the countryside.
At least she had not overestimated her worth. A rare trait amongst nobility. Pity that it took a cursed life of vampirism to display a glimpse of it.
Still, protocol had to be considered, even if she herself seemed oblivious to it.
Being a creature of darkness, I could set aside. Indeed, her vampirism was largely irrelevant. All the nobility were bloodsuckers. She simply formalised her status.
But to wear pink sleepwear in my presence was outrageous. And to dismiss me with a reward was even more so.
“Countess Miriam. You speak as though your part in this is over. It’s not. As a key party to this, you shall take part in the pleasant conversation to come.”
The countess visibly deflated. Her clothes became slightly baggier.
“I’m afraid I’ll prove little use in a conversation.”
“Excellent. Because I expect very little use for words.”
Thus, I turned around and exited the tent, my footsteps already as assured as my purpose. It was time to end this farce.
Plink. Plink. Plink.
Suddenly, the sound of pickaxes filled my ears.
Blanketed from my mind, they reemerged at the same time as I did. I promptly held up Starlight Grace and illuminated the lost miners.
I … I absolutely had not forgotten about them.
“Excuse me,” I said to the countess exiting the tent after me. “But do you have anything to do with the unsightly state of these miners?”
She nodded.
“Yes. I’ve enthralled them to dig, as per the sister’s instructions.”
“Dig? For what purpose?”
“I’m not certain. The sister scavenges through the disturbed dirt on occasion, during the rare times she also remembers to keep them from dying to malnutrition.”
I was appalled.
Of all the crimes this sister was responsible for, ordering my miners to work to the bone was a disgrace. That was a privilege only I was capable of ordering!
“More mysteries and machinations. There’s more at play here than we know. And even that is little. But no matter. Please release the miners from their enthrallment.”
“... Now?”
“Yes. They’ve worked continuously without rest for what is clearly an unfathomable amount of time. For their efforts, I shall permit them half a night’s rest.”
The countess hesitated. Her scarlet eyes glanced over at the miners, whether or not they were illuminated by my sword.
“They will be confused, disoriented and very likely alarmed. There is a risk of injury.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Very well. I shall provide my healing presence to herd the peasants to the safety of the nearest bathhouse, then. You may release them from their hold.”
Plink. Plink …
I was almost saddened when they woke from their slumber.
As I swept over to the nearest set of miners, the melody of pickaxes came to a close.
Instead, I was greeted with a cacophony of tools dropping to the floor and the shuffling of footsteps as miners turned their bleary eyes upon each other, their faces gaunt and unrecognisable beneath the dirt.
And then the first eyes looked upon me.
For a moment, they winced beneath the healing light of my kindly smile. And also possibly my sword’s unrelenting glare.
“Ohohoho … salutations, lost souls. I bid your tired eyes welcome to the darkest abyss. Rejoice and look upon my light. For I am the angel come to take you–”
“Nnooooooooooooooooooooo!!”
“Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!”
“Iiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! Don’t take me awaaay!”
“Ruuuuun!! Ruuuun!! Aaahhhhhhhh!!”
Suddenly, all the lost miners scampered in defiance of their own emaciated forms.
Arms which had sluggishly fought against the rock pumped to hurry their legs as they sprinted for exits unseen in the darkness like cockroaches escaping my boot.
I was horrified.
“W-Why did they flee?!”
Coppelia appeared beside me, her own shock coming in the form of her hands covering her mouth.
“Ahahahahaha~ who knows … maybe they thought you were a monster in the dark?”
“They … They did?! Why, the effects of their long exposure in the bottom of the mines must have harmed all their senses! … Still, I wish it noted that I expect them to be at work tomorrow!”
“But isn’t the place still closed?”
“Not for long.”
I went to follow the fleeing miners. They knew where the exit was.
Plink. Plink. Plink …
All except one, it seems.
Raising Starlight Grace, I turned around and illuminated the last of the miners, still dutifully working on blunting his pickaxe in his own modest alcove.
“You forgot to release one,” I said to the countess, who was currently studying the same peasant.
“I cannot,” she replied matter-of-factly.
“Why? As much as I agree that work heals the soul, what they also require is soap. They’ve worked continuously without rest for what is clearly an unfathomable amount of time. For their efforts, I’ll permit them to wash themselves.”
“No, I mean I cannot release this one. He is no longer enthralled.”
I looked at the miner’s profile in question.
All I saw was dirt. And also a tiny glint upon his hands, shining like the smoothest diamond amidst the dust.
Rings. Jewellery.
My trained eyes assessed the type at once. A pale jade. Peridot. Abundant and inexpensive. Unsuitable as anything but gifts for children to learn how to throw. Yet quite beyond the means of any common miner to wear to their place of work.
I let out a small smile.
“Why … I do believe I’ve found the misbehaving guildmaster of the Miner’s Guild. How fine of him to attempt to work off his smuggling debt to the kingdom.”
“Smuggling?”
“Yes. A commoner with the lowest ambitions–to steal from other commoners. Clearly, the man’s guilt has addled his mind. A shame. If he’d laboured night and day in such an efficient manner in the first place, he would have been able to purchase his cheap trinkets legitimately.”
“Oh, I see. I wonder if this is the miner I heard the sister speaking to on occasion.”
“If so, then the sister is even more fearsome than you describe. If her sermons are capable of driving a smuggler to seek salvation through work, then perhaps her lectures are truly something to be feared.”
I approached the man.
Immediately, I saw his strikes against the rock to be uneven and laboured, lacking the rhythm of his enthralled companions. Yet even so, he continued hacking away with little regard to both my presence and the state of his worn mining pick.
Clink.
I reached out with my sword, stopping the next strike.
A thrust of a pickaxe by a seasoned miner. And yet there was no resistance against my blade. Only a weight so feeble that it did nothing more than to tickle against the stone being carved.
“Salutations,” I said to the guildmaster. “I have matters of smuggling to discuss with you. And while I commend your ability to not flee from your reprimands, etiquette demands that you lower your tools while being sentenced by me.”
Suddenly, the man turned, his pickaxe falling by his side. There was barely a smatter of life in his hollow eyes, such was the dust and misery which covered them.
“I … I have to … to repent …”
“Yes, you do. But only to me. And I haven’t yet provided my judgement. I’m afraid that the sweat you’ve expended won’t count in any official estimates. But should you show equal amounts of enthusiasm mining for soap as you do mining for ore, I’ve no doubt you will have earned your freedom in … X amount of years.”
“No … I … I must … repent …”
The man lifted his pickaxe once more.
A sight as pitiful as the tool itself. Withered and broken, nothing remained in this guildmaster other than a desire to prove his contrition.
A wonderful thing, were his remorse not aimed solely towards the Holy Church.
There would be consequences for this. The Holy Church had no right to administer justice. Especially justice which induced such despair that his ability to mine soap was now seemingly compromised.
Indeed, the pickaxe never struck. And so neither did my sword as I prepared to hack off the blunted head from the shaft.
“Ahh … wait … no … no, no, no …”
Because finally … the man noticed the vampire beside me.
The wide eyes of a terrified peasant opened up. And yet they weren’t being directed at me. A curious sight. And one which earned a severe tapping of my foot.
“Not her. Me. To steal from this kingdom is already an unforgivable slight. But to offer your attention to someone whose formal title is in serious contention is a personal insult. I warn you now, should you wish to lower the number of soap bars you’ll be crafting, you should begin by properly–”
“Uhh … uuh … uuuhhhaaa …”
Suddenly, a croak sounded from the man’s parched throat.
Arms which had dutifully fought against the rock dropped the pickaxe as he backed away, mouth wide open in horror.
“Again. Not her. Me,” I said, aggrieved that I was struggling to command a peasant’s fear for his life. “I assure you, a vampire’s terror is a pale shadow to my own!”
“No … it shouldn’t be … it shouldn’t be here. The holy wards …”
“Shattered and broken. As will shortly be the case for the one who cast them. And as for the vampire, well …”
I glanced over at Countess Miriam. She was struggling to pluck away a strand of silver hair caught in one of her pyjama buttons.
Nothing more needed to be said.
Even so, the miner continued to back away, his palms searching the walls as though seeking a hole to hide in.
“No … you don’t … you don’t understand … there are more … I … I saw … I saw the sister … saw her smile … heard her … you’ve doomed us … the holy wards … we’re doomed …”
I parsed the gibbering with a frown, before turning to Coppelia.
“My understanding of quivering peasants is poor. But I believe this man is under the impression we’re doomed. Did we miss something?”
“Hmm … probably? There’s a lot of holy magic in the air. But I’m pretty sure most of it’s from the celestial knight. I think the vampire would know more.”
“The vampire doesn’t know more,” said the vampire. “I was aware of the holy wards engraved around my tent. Other than that, I would presume there are additional defences as a failsafe against my escape. However, I was under the assumption that you destroyed them on the way to releasing me.”
“Nope. We didn’t trigger anything else. Just the holy ward around you.”
“Well, I concur with your assessment regarding the holy magic in the air, then. I believe it to be the redundant traces of a celestial knight and a warding barrier.”
I nodded as I listened to the assessment of the two with me.
Then, I returned my attention to the quivering miner, who was currently attempting to scratch an escape path through the solid rock.
“I have two separate opinions which reject our imminent doom. Now, if you’d please calm yourself, I will ensure you’re safely returned to the surface so that you may begin filling your suitcase with basic essentials to last an indeterminate amount of years on a remote island.”
Coppelia poked me in the arm.
“Hang on. You need to be louder.”
“Excuse me?”
“The best way to find out if we’ve missed anything is to loudly declare we haven’t missed anything. That’s how we do it in Ouzelia.”
“Coppelia, this isn’t Ouzelia.”
“It doesn’t mean you can’t be smart, though. If you tempt fate with a red blanket, you can correctly avoid it. Otherwise, fate charges you in the back with both horns.”
“Please, I’m not tempting fate for the simple reason that there isn’t anything to tempt. All we simply need to do is shepherd this peasant up to the surface while bemoaning his odour. Whatever wards and traps this sister has placed, they’ve clearly failed. Look. The vampire is far beyond her tent with nothing preventing her leisurely escape.”
Brwwuummm.
Suddenly, the ground noticeably quaked.
I raised my arms to steady myself.
“Oooh, that was good!” said Coppelia, nodding fervently. “Just like that! Now say that super ominous rumbling was probably just a natural tremor!”
I pursed my lips.
And then … said absolutely nothing. The ground stopped shaking at once.
Countess Miriam offered a puzzled look between Coppelia and me.
“... I actually do think that was just a natural tremor, though?”
“More!” Coppelia’s immediate excitement contrasted with my utter horror. “Explain your sound and logical reasoning, pyjama girl! Do it!”
“No, um, I mean it. I experience them on occasion. This is an area of active geothermal activity. The tremors come and go, and always harmlessly.”
“Once more, with feeling!”
“Even if this was something more severe than a standard tremor, these mines are historically reinforced against the effects of earthquakes as a standard precaution. That’s what the support beams and large platforms are for. We should be safe.”
Brrrruwwwwwuummmmm.
Suddenly, the ground began to shake. And not due to any natural tremors.
Because as it turned out, neither the hidden wards, nor the holy magic which empowered them could be found in the air.
No. Not at all.
They were below us. Etched deep into the ground.
White veins began to streak across the dirt, lighting up the slabs of rock embedded within the soil.
As the shaking increased, all I had to offer was a look of grief, the curated expression directed solely at the vampire whose feet marked the epicentre to all the magical lines sizzling in the ground.
She looked deeply apologetic.
“Oh … sorry.”
A moment of silence passed.
Then, she peered down, before looking optimistically between Coppelia and me.
“Ah, I think it stopped.”
I threw my arms up in exasperation.
And then everything exploded.
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There was very little about a Holy Church conspiracy which made sense.
But then again, I didn’t require things to make sense. I only required the Royal Treasury to be filled. And as long as anyone sought to prevent that from happening, my course was as clear as my heart.
It was time to demonstrate my famed mastery of overwhelming diplomacy!
“Very well! It’s clear a pleasant conversation is in order. And by pleasant conversation, I mean the establishment of compensation. I will speak with this ...”
“Sister Rieze.”
“Is that her name? Excellent. I shall endeavour not to remember. You may rejoice now, vampire. Your humiliation at the hands of a mere sister will not be lessened. But it will be redressed. Providing, of course, that you haven’t been lackadaisical with your version of events.”
At last, the girl raised herself.
She offered me a look of immense puzzlement. One almost as out of place as her pink sleepwear.
“I did not confess my humiliation in order to request a confrontation. Rather, it seems both unnecessary and dangerous. Instead, I believe that through thorough investigation and collection of evidence, both the Holy Church and this mere sister can be removed through the proper workings of the law.”
I nodded in full agreement.
“Excellent. Because I am the law.”
“Um, sorry, what did you say?”
“I said what I said. Rest assured that as the foremost arbitrator of justice in this region, I intend on exercising my right to remove all scoundrels through any means I deem necessary. And I care little how sacred their attire is.”
The vampire, far from jumping for joy, rapidly shook her head instead.
“I don’t believe I’ve made myself clear on the matter. The sister who imprisoned me is no ordinary lecturer of misbehaving children. She’s exceptionally strong, and will doubtless burn you to a crisp if required. Her command of holy magic far surpasses anything I’ve–”
“Stop.” I held up my finger. “You’ve no need to repeat yourself. A sister with holy magic, a crossbow and unparalleled strength. Of the three, do you know which one concerns me?”
“... All of them?”
“Exactly. None. The reason being that I’m as pure of spirit as I appear. If this sister has even a whiff of piousness to her, she will drop to her knees and confess her sins before me with snot running down her face. Deciding how much I can wring the Holy Church dry for this debacle is the only battle I need to face.”
The vampire blinked, struck silent by the overwhelming radiance she had somehow missed all this time.
“You cannot defeat this sister,” she said simply. “It’s as though she’s empowered by the heavens themselves. I was unable to harm her. Her holy magic is terror itself.”
“Is that so? How unfortunate.”
“Yes, so–”
“For her, that is. Because while she is a sister, I am an angel. And in matters of the heavens, I have superiority.”
The vampire’s mouth widened.
A usually disconcerting sight given her fangs. And yet the more I viewed this girl in her pink sleepwear, the more I was inclined to believe that she’d been laid low by a particularly soul-sapping sermon.
Still, her scarlet eyes narrowed as she studied my noble figure, my brilliant sword, and the badge of shame upon my finger.
After a moment, the tautness of her expression relaxed.
“May I know who you are?” she asked.
I placed a hand upon my chest.
“I am Juliette … full title and identity undisclosed in the name of subtlety. This is Coppelia, my loyal handmaiden.”
“Hi there~”
The vampire’s gaze was hard as she glanced between the two of us. Her eyes lingered upon my sword, then searched for a black scythe which could no longer be seen.
Eventually, she gave a small nod.
“I am Countess Miriam Estroux. You will not have heard of me or my lands, for neither now exist except in the footnotes of history. And though I cast doubt on your ability to successfully confront an adversary as powerful as the one who awaits, it would be remiss of me not to offer adventurers a reward–”
“Not an adventurer~ she is though. Real superstar. Grab her while you can!”
“... a reward should you succeed in seeing away those responsible for the intrusion upon my reading time. Though I’ve little to offer other than my books, I shall offer what I have in payment for your endeavours.”
I raised a brow.
Oh my. Nobility?
Yet even with how heavy our books of ancestry struck upon my head were, I didn’t have a hint of recognition in the Estroux name. And a countess? A relic. An antiquated title no longer in use in this kingdom. Not since the barony had infested the countryside.
At least she had not overestimated her worth. A rare trait amongst nobility. Pity that it took a cursed life of vampirism to display a glimpse of it.
Still, protocol had to be considered, even if she herself seemed oblivious to it.
Being a creature of darkness, I could set aside. Indeed, her vampirism was largely irrelevant. All the nobility were bloodsuckers. She simply formalised her status.
But to wear pink sleepwear in my presence was outrageous. And to dismiss me with a reward was even more so.
“Countess Miriam. You speak as though your part in this is over. It’s not. As a key party to this, you shall take part in the pleasant conversation to come.”
The countess visibly deflated. Her clothes became slightly baggier.
“I’m afraid I’ll prove little use in a conversation.”
“Excellent. Because I expect very little use for words.”
Thus, I turned around and exited the tent, my footsteps already as assured as my purpose. It was time to end this farce.
Plink. Plink. Plink.
Suddenly, the sound of pickaxes filled my ears.
Blanketed from my mind, they reemerged at the same time as I did. I promptly held up Starlight Grace and illuminated the lost miners.
I … I absolutely had not forgotten about them.
“Excuse me,” I said to the countess exiting the tent after me. “But do you have anything to do with the unsightly state of these miners?”
She nodded.
“Yes. I’ve enthralled them to dig, as per the sister’s instructions.”
“Dig? For what purpose?”
“I’m not certain. The sister scavenges through the disturbed dirt on occasion, during the rare times she also remembers to keep them from dying to malnutrition.”
I was appalled.
Of all the crimes this sister was responsible for, ordering my miners to work to the bone was a disgrace. That was a privilege only I was capable of ordering!
“More mysteries and machinations. There’s more at play here than we know. And even that is little. But no matter. Please release the miners from their enthrallment.”
“... Now?”
“Yes. They’ve worked continuously without rest for what is clearly an unfathomable amount of time. For their efforts, I shall permit them half a night’s rest.”
The countess hesitated. Her scarlet eyes glanced over at the miners, whether or not they were illuminated by my sword.
“They will be confused, disoriented and very likely alarmed. There is a risk of injury.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Very well. I shall provide my healing presence to herd the peasants to the safety of the nearest bathhouse, then. You may release them from their hold.”
Plink. Plink …
I was almost saddened when they woke from their slumber.
As I swept over to the nearest set of miners, the melody of pickaxes came to a close.
Instead, I was greeted with a cacophony of tools dropping to the floor and the shuffling of footsteps as miners turned their bleary eyes upon each other, their faces gaunt and unrecognisable beneath the dirt.
And then the first eyes looked upon me.
For a moment, they winced beneath the healing light of my kindly smile. And also possibly my sword’s unrelenting glare.
“Ohohoho … salutations, lost souls. I bid your tired eyes welcome to the darkest abyss. Rejoice and look upon my light. For I am the angel come to take you–”
“Nnooooooooooooooooooooo!!”
“Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!”
“Iiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! Don’t take me awaaay!”
“Ruuuuun!! Ruuuun!! Aaahhhhhhhh!!”
Suddenly, all the lost miners scampered in defiance of their own emaciated forms.
Arms which had sluggishly fought against the rock pumped to hurry their legs as they sprinted for exits unseen in the darkness like cockroaches escaping my boot.
I was horrified.
“W-Why did they flee?!”
Coppelia appeared beside me, her own shock coming in the form of her hands covering her mouth.
“Ahahahahaha~ who knows … maybe they thought you were a monster in the dark?”
“They … They did?! Why, the effects of their long exposure in the bottom of the mines must have harmed all their senses! … Still, I wish it noted that I expect them to be at work tomorrow!”
“But isn’t the place still closed?”
“Not for long.”
I went to follow the fleeing miners. They knew where the exit was.
Plink. Plink. Plink …
All except one, it seems.
Raising Starlight Grace, I turned around and illuminated the last of the miners, still dutifully working on blunting his pickaxe in his own modest alcove.
“You forgot to release one,” I said to the countess, who was currently studying the same peasant.
“I cannot,” she replied matter-of-factly.
“Why? As much as I agree that work heals the soul, what they also require is soap. They’ve worked continuously without rest for what is clearly an unfathomable amount of time. For their efforts, I’ll permit them to wash themselves.”
“No, I mean I cannot release this one. He is no longer enthralled.”
I looked at the miner’s profile in question.
All I saw was dirt. And also a tiny glint upon his hands, shining like the smoothest diamond amidst the dust.
Rings. Jewellery.
My trained eyes assessed the type at once. A pale jade. Peridot. Abundant and inexpensive. Unsuitable as anything but gifts for children to learn how to throw. Yet quite beyond the means of any common miner to wear to their place of work.
I let out a small smile.
“Why … I do believe I’ve found the misbehaving guildmaster of the Miner’s Guild. How fine of him to attempt to work off his smuggling debt to the kingdom.”
“Smuggling?”
“Yes. A commoner with the lowest ambitions–to steal from other commoners. Clearly, the man’s guilt has addled his mind. A shame. If he’d laboured night and day in such an efficient manner in the first place, he would have been able to purchase his cheap trinkets legitimately.”
“Oh, I see. I wonder if this is the miner I heard the sister speaking to on occasion.”
“If so, then the sister is even more fearsome than you describe. If her sermons are capable of driving a smuggler to seek salvation through work, then perhaps her lectures are truly something to be feared.”
I approached the man.
Immediately, I saw his strikes against the rock to be uneven and laboured, lacking the rhythm of his enthralled companions. Yet even so, he continued hacking away with little regard to both my presence and the state of his worn mining pick.
Clink.
I reached out with my sword, stopping the next strike.
A thrust of a pickaxe by a seasoned miner. And yet there was no resistance against my blade. Only a weight so feeble that it did nothing more than to tickle against the stone being carved.
“Salutations,” I said to the guildmaster. “I have matters of smuggling to discuss with you. And while I commend your ability to not flee from your reprimands, etiquette demands that you lower your tools while being sentenced by me.”
Suddenly, the man turned, his pickaxe falling by his side. There was barely a smatter of life in his hollow eyes, such was the dust and misery which covered them.
“I … I have to … to repent …”
“Yes, you do. But only to me. And I haven’t yet provided my judgement. I’m afraid that the sweat you’ve expended won’t count in any official estimates. But should you show equal amounts of enthusiasm mining for soap as you do mining for ore, I’ve no doubt you will have earned your freedom in … X amount of years.”
“No … I … I must … repent …”
The man lifted his pickaxe once more.
A sight as pitiful as the tool itself. Withered and broken, nothing remained in this guildmaster other than a desire to prove his contrition.
A wonderful thing, were his remorse not aimed solely towards the Holy Church.
There would be consequences for this. The Holy Church had no right to administer justice. Especially justice which induced such despair that his ability to mine soap was now seemingly compromised.
Indeed, the pickaxe never struck. And so neither did my sword as I prepared to hack off the blunted head from the shaft.
“Ahh … wait … no … no, no, no …”
Because finally … the man noticed the vampire beside me.
The wide eyes of a terrified peasant opened up. And yet they weren’t being directed at me. A curious sight. And one which earned a severe tapping of my foot.
“Not her. Me. To steal from this kingdom is already an unforgivable slight. But to offer your attention to someone whose formal title is in serious contention is a personal insult. I warn you now, should you wish to lower the number of soap bars you’ll be crafting, you should begin by properly–”
“Uhh … uuh … uuuhhhaaa …”
Suddenly, a croak sounded from the man’s parched throat.
Arms which had dutifully fought against the rock dropped the pickaxe as he backed away, mouth wide open in horror.
“Again. Not her. Me,” I said, aggrieved that I was struggling to command a peasant’s fear for his life. “I assure you, a vampire’s terror is a pale shadow to my own!”
“No … it shouldn’t be … it shouldn’t be here. The holy wards …”
“Shattered and broken. As will shortly be the case for the one who cast them. And as for the vampire, well …”
I glanced over at Countess Miriam. She was struggling to pluck away a strand of silver hair caught in one of her pyjama buttons.
Nothing more needed to be said.
Even so, the miner continued to back away, his palms searching the walls as though seeking a hole to hide in.
“No … you don’t … you don’t understand … there are more … I … I saw … I saw the sister … saw her smile … heard her … you’ve doomed us … the holy wards … we’re doomed …”
I parsed the gibbering with a frown, before turning to Coppelia.
“My understanding of quivering peasants is poor. But I believe this man is under the impression we’re doomed. Did we miss something?”
“Hmm … probably? There’s a lot of holy magic in the air. But I’m pretty sure most of it’s from the celestial knight. I think the vampire would know more.”
“The vampire doesn’t know more,” said the vampire. “I was aware of the holy wards engraved around my tent. Other than that, I would presume there are additional defences as a failsafe against my escape. However, I was under the assumption that you destroyed them on the way to releasing me.”
“Nope. We didn’t trigger anything else. Just the holy ward around you.”
“Well, I concur with your assessment regarding the holy magic in the air, then. I believe it to be the redundant traces of a celestial knight and a warding barrier.”
I nodded as I listened to the assessment of the two with me.
Then, I returned my attention to the quivering miner, who was currently attempting to scratch an escape path through the solid rock.
“I have two separate opinions which reject our imminent doom. Now, if you’d please calm yourself, I will ensure you’re safely returned to the surface so that you may begin filling your suitcase with basic essentials to last an indeterminate amount of years on a remote island.”
Coppelia poked me in the arm.
“Hang on. You need to be louder.”
“Excuse me?”
“The best way to find out if we’ve missed anything is to loudly declare we haven’t missed anything. That’s how we do it in Ouzelia.”
“Coppelia, this isn’t Ouzelia.”
“It doesn’t mean you can’t be smart, though. If you tempt fate with a red blanket, you can correctly avoid it. Otherwise, fate charges you in the back with both horns.”
“Please, I’m not tempting fate for the simple reason that there isn’t anything to tempt. All we simply need to do is shepherd this peasant up to the surface while bemoaning his odour. Whatever wards and traps this sister has placed, they’ve clearly failed. Look. The vampire is far beyond her tent with nothing preventing her leisurely escape.”
Brwwuummm.
Suddenly, the ground noticeably quaked.
I raised my arms to steady myself.
“Oooh, that was good!” said Coppelia, nodding fervently. “Just like that! Now say that super ominous rumbling was probably just a natural tremor!”
I pursed my lips.
And then … said absolutely nothing. The ground stopped shaking at once.
Countess Miriam offered a puzzled look between Coppelia and me.
“... I actually do think that was just a natural tremor, though?”
“More!” Coppelia’s immediate excitement contrasted with my utter horror. “Explain your sound and logical reasoning, pyjama girl! Do it!”
“No, um, I mean it. I experience them on occasion. This is an area of active geothermal activity. The tremors come and go, and always harmlessly.”
“Once more, with feeling!”
“Even if this was something more severe than a standard tremor, these mines are historically reinforced against the effects of earthquakes as a standard precaution. That’s what the support beams and large platforms are for. We should be safe.”
Brrrruwwwwwuummmmm.
Suddenly, the ground began to shake. And not due to any natural tremors.
Because as it turned out, neither the hidden wards, nor the holy magic which empowered them could be found in the air.
No. Not at all.
They were below us. Etched deep into the ground.
White veins began to streak across the dirt, lighting up the slabs of rock embedded within the soil.
As the shaking increased, all I had to offer was a look of grief, the curated expression directed solely at the vampire whose feet marked the epicentre to all the magical lines sizzling in the ground.
She looked deeply apologetic.
“Oh … sorry.”
A moment of silence passed.
Then, she peered down, before looking optimistically between Coppelia and me.
“Ah, I think it stopped.”
I threw my arms up in exasperation.
And then everything exploded.
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