Jing Sui observed the fear in the youth’s blue eyes from the closest proximity. He closed his eyes and finally opened them again after a while. In the depths of those golden eyes was an almost imperceptible pain and darkness.
The pale and pallid face of the young man in front of him gradually overlapped with the most unforgettable memory of his life.
On that gloomy cloudy day, amongst the spiky steel ruins, a person disguised with 'Ning Yu’s’ face had stood in front of him without hesitation at the most critical moment. This person had blocked Carlos’ thundering shot for him, and then slowly fell down as his disguise dissipated like a fading illusion. Finally, the original appearance of the youth was revealed.
He fell into his arms; pale and pallid…
But the scorching light in those blue eyes burned like the final embers of a fire. At the last moments, when his life was about to extinguish, the youth had said to him seriously in a weak voice: "I'm sorry… I won't bother you ever again…”
"You and Ning Yu… must be happy.”
Those faintly audible words, along with the stench of blood in the air, were so light they were almost carried away with the wind... However, his heart, which had never been moved by anything before, twitched slightly.
It was as if something very important had silently passed, never to return again.
From then on, every single detail of that picture was recreated in his mind vividly and realistically, and brought up every second of the countless years afterwards.
He’d finally realized that the boy wasn’t going to hurt Ning Yu that day, but actually going to save him.
Because the youth thought Ning Yu was the one he loved, he went to where Ning Yu was, despite the risk of being discovered by Carlos and losing his life.
Using his overbearing willfulness as a cover, he’d given Ning Yu a chance to escape.
He who was so low and petty… proudly disguised himself in his last act of honor to himself.
Despite all his jealousy and hatred of Ning Yu, he’d still chosen to give his life for my happiness with Ning Yu.
Jing Sui had always known Ji Ling loved him, and he had always cast away this love like an old shoe. There were too many people who liked him, and this made him numb to affections. He had long been accustomed to receiving all kinds of love and adoration… and the boy was just the most disgusting and oblivious one amongst them.
What those people loved wasn’t the real him, but his appearance, and his identity. This kind of cheap love was something he had no shortage of.
He thought the boy was also the same as them…
But at that time, he’d realized he was wrong.
There was actually someone in the world who held such a pure and passionate love for him. Even after he’d hurt him, abandoning him time after time, pushing him away again and again... the boy had never let go, and carried on only loving him.
He was willing to do anything for him.
In the past and the future, there would never be a person who’d love him like the boy.
This love was unique from the others. There wasn’t a single one like it.
It was infinite times more precious than the most valuable treasure in the whole universe…
But he hadn’t realize it until he’d lost it.
A trace of pain and sadness gradually showed in the depths of his eyes. He once believed that he’d never have any regrets. Only when the boy died, did he realize that wasn’t the case. He would also feel pain and regret for a person’s death, and become unable to sleep over it.
He regretted that he’d never looked at him seriously when he was alive, and never once treated him well…Even one time would’ve been better… but no…
He’d just trampled on his feelings over and over again.
Only when the youth sacrificed his own life did a tiny crack open in his cold heart... With the passage of time, not only did the crack not heal, but it gradually expanded. In the end, his heart was full of cracks.
Everyone saw a cold emperor on high who never showed emotions. They all thought he’d long forgotten the boy who’d died for him.
Everyone thought he was a heartless person…
Only he himself knew that his heart was surrounded in a net of cracks, similar to the pattern of a turtle’s shell. Soundlessly, it had changed everything.
That’s why he proposed to dissolve his engagement with Ning Yu.
Ning Yu agreed very readily. Jing Sui had expected this answer, because he knew Ning Yu didn't really like him much. They were more allies with a common goal than lovers. Someone who could climb up from being a civilian on the lowest level, advance step by step to become an advanced evolver, and finally become the hope of all ordinary citizens must prioritize reason over emotions. Either that, or Ning Yu had already predicted everything.
The death of the boy had easily shattered their shallow connection…
So they ended their relationship peacefully.
And never talked about this matter again.
They both had a lot of things left to do, and no time to grieve.
Many years had passed…
And the empire had finally turned into what he’d hoped for.
In the beginning, there were people who advised him to get married, and continue the royal bloodline.
But whenever someone brought up this problem, he’d always think of the boy whose eyes had forever closed in his arms. He’d remember the way the boy had always followed him and looked at him adoringly…
He’d think, If the boy were still alive…
I probably could’ve married him. No doubt, he would’ve been very happy...
I want to fulfill his wish, even just once is good enough.
Unfortunately, it was just a dream in the end.
Some mistakes, once committed, can never be rectified.
There won’t even be a single opportunity.
Grand Duke Ji Ting and his wife left Empire Star in despair. Even if he’d tried his best to make it up to them, they’d never accepted any compensation, and just left this saddening place.
In this world, anything could be compensated with an appropriate amount, except the human heart. No value could be quantified to make up for its losses.
He couldn’t compensate anyone's heart, including his own.
At one point, he’d believed what he’d given up was something insignificant. He’d only realized later that what he’d let go of was a unique treasure that he’d never be able to obtain again, even if he owned the whole world.
It was a pure and true heart that loved him.
For many years afterwards,
he’d continuously recall the boy’s expression every time he looked at him lovingly, the boy’s every smile as he called him ‘Brother Jing Sui,’ the boy’s every scowl as he got jealous and temperamental… every little detail of all their interactions was brought up over and over again in his mind. Clearly and cruelly, they reminded him of what he’d done, and how ruthless he’d acted, not letting him escape.
If he’d been nice to the boy at the beginning, even just once, things wouldn't have come to this point…
But he hadn’t.
He was the one who had personally pushed the boy who loved him so deeply into the abyss of no return.
Every memory that came up tore at his unhealed wound, revealing the raw and bloodied insides. They told him that he was actually a person with a heart as well, and would feel pain.
This was probably the retribution the boy had left him.
It told him that all his pain was his just desserts for what he’d done…
Let him know that a person like himself wasn’t worthy of such pure feelings.
But ironically…
A cruel person like him could be given a gift from god, and granted the chance to do everything over again.
There was deep self-ridicule in Jing Sui’s eyes. He looked at the youth’s lively face in front of him. His chest, which had almost been frozen solid, seemed to be slowly flowing again, bringing with it a rush of pain.
No, this may not have been a gift…
Perhaps god had only given him rebirth so he could see his mistakes with his own eyes, and know just how cruel he was...
God was probably looking at him in mockery, showing him these things.
‘Now that you’re back, what do you plan to do? Do you really understand how to love someone?’
Pain flashed in the depths of Jing Sui’s eyes.
Yes, take a look at what you’ve done...
If it wasn’t for his disdain and indifference, why would Ji Ling knowingly take such a risk and challenge Ning Yu to prove himself? The boy had only wanted a glance and affirmation from him, so he put everything on the line…
I knew he was just bringing disgrace to himself, but I ignored it all and let it happen.
Unknowingly, I had easily trampled on his love, something I would never be able to attain again no matter how much I wanted…something that would torture me with sleepless nights for the hundreds of years after…
Why couldn’t I have come back earlier?
Just a little earlier would’ve been fine...
Ji Ling gawked speechlessly at the terrifying and powerful emperor before him. His legs were so weak from fear, they almost gave way.
You… Do you have to be so angry?
Ning Yu is fine...
I was the one who was beaten up…
Ji Ling wanted to cry but no tears came out. Seeing that Jing Sui’s aura was becoming more oppressive and terrifying, in the twinkling of an eye, he wet his eyes and stared tearfully at the tall black-haired, golden-eyed man in front of him. Hoping he could get through this by playing pitiful, he said quivering: "Your Majesty..."
This, ‘Your Majesty,’ said in a shaking voice, was like a hand gently stirring something up within him.
It moved his time which had become stagnant, and brought back his thoughts to the present moment.
Jing Sui finally raised his hand.
He gently wiped away the tears in front of Ji Ling's absent eyes. He spoke in a very, very light voice… It was so faint that it sounded like it had passed through a far away time and space, as if it had sounded from the distant future.
"I'm sorry,” he said.
Jing Sui observed the fear in the youth’s blue eyes from the closest proximity. He closed his eyes and finally opened them again after a while. In the depths of those golden eyes was an almost imperceptible pain and darkness.
The pale and pallid face of the young man in front of him gradually overlapped with the most unforgettable memory of his life.
On that gloomy cloudy day, amongst the spiky steel ruins, a person disguised with 'Ning Yu’s’ face had stood in front of him without hesitation at the most critical moment. This person had blocked Carlos’ thundering shot for him, and then slowly fell down as his disguise dissipated like a fading illusion. Finally, the original appearance of the youth was revealed.
He fell into his arms; pale and pallid…
But the scorching light in those blue eyes burned like the final embers of a fire. At the last moments, when his life was about to extinguish, the youth had said to him seriously in a weak voice: "I'm sorry… I won't bother you ever again…”
"You and Ning Yu… must be happy.”
Those faintly audible words, along with the stench of blood in the air, were so light they were almost carried away with the wind... However, his heart, which had never been moved by anything before, twitched slightly.
It was as if something very important had silently passed, never to return again.
From then on, every single detail of that picture was recreated in his mind vividly and realistically, and brought up every second of the countless years afterwards.
He’d finally realized that the boy wasn’t going to hurt Ning Yu that day, but actually going to save him.
Because the youth thought Ning Yu was the one he loved, he went to where Ning Yu was, despite the risk of being discovered by Carlos and losing his life.
Using his overbearing willfulness as a cover, he’d given Ning Yu a chance to escape.
He who was so low and petty… proudly disguised himself in his last act of honor to himself.
Despite all his jealousy and hatred of Ning Yu, he’d still chosen to give his life for my happiness with Ning Yu.
Jing Sui had always known Ji Ling loved him, and he had always cast away this love like an old shoe. There were too many people who liked him, and this made him numb to affections. He had long been accustomed to receiving all kinds of love and adoration… and the boy was just the most disgusting and oblivious one amongst them.
What those people loved wasn’t the real him, but his appearance, and his identity. This kind of cheap love was something he had no shortage of.
He thought the boy was also the same as them…
But at that time, he’d realized he was wrong.
There was actually someone in the world who held such a pure and passionate love for him. Even after he’d hurt him, abandoning him time after time, pushing him away again and again... the boy had never let go, and carried on only loving him.
He was willing to do anything for him.
In the past and the future, there would never be a person who’d love him like the boy.
This love was unique from the others. There wasn’t a single one like it.
It was infinite times more precious than the most valuable treasure in the whole universe…
But he hadn’t realize it until he’d lost it.
A trace of pain and sadness gradually showed in the depths of his eyes. He once believed that he’d never have any regrets. Only when the boy died, did he realize that wasn’t the case. He would also feel pain and regret for a person’s death, and become unable to sleep over it.
He regretted that he’d never looked at him seriously when he was alive, and never once treated him well…Even one time would’ve been better… but no…
He’d just trampled on his feelings over and over again.
Only when the youth sacrificed his own life did a tiny crack open in his cold heart... With the passage of time, not only did the crack not heal, but it gradually expanded. In the end, his heart was full of cracks.
Everyone saw a cold emperor on high who never showed emotions. They all thought he’d long forgotten the boy who’d died for him.
Everyone thought he was a heartless person…
Only he himself knew that his heart was surrounded in a net of cracks, similar to the pattern of a turtle’s shell. Soundlessly, it had changed everything.
That’s why he proposed to dissolve his engagement with Ning Yu.
Ning Yu agreed very readily. Jing Sui had expected this answer, because he knew Ning Yu didn't really like him much. They were more allies with a common goal than lovers. Someone who could climb up from being a civilian on the lowest level, advance step by step to become an advanced evolver, and finally become the hope of all ordinary citizens must prioritize reason over emotions. Either that, or Ning Yu had already predicted everything.
The death of the boy had easily shattered their shallow connection…
So they ended their relationship peacefully.
And never talked about this matter again.
They both had a lot of things left to do, and no time to grieve.
Many years had passed…
And the empire had finally turned into what he’d hoped for.
In the beginning, there were people who advised him to get married, and continue the royal bloodline.
But whenever someone brought up this problem, he’d always think of the boy whose eyes had forever closed in his arms. He’d remember the way the boy had always followed him and looked at him adoringly…
He’d think, If the boy were still alive…
I probably could’ve married him. No doubt, he would’ve been very happy...
I want to fulfill his wish, even just once is good enough.
Unfortunately, it was just a dream in the end.
Some mistakes, once committed, can never be rectified.
There won’t even be a single opportunity.
Grand Duke Ji Ting and his wife left Empire Star in despair. Even if he’d tried his best to make it up to them, they’d never accepted any compensation, and just left this saddening place.
In this world, anything could be compensated with an appropriate amount, except the human heart. No value could be quantified to make up for its losses.
He couldn’t compensate anyone's heart, including his own.
At one point, he’d believed what he’d given up was something insignificant. He’d only realized later that what he’d let go of was a unique treasure that he’d never be able to obtain again, even if he owned the whole world.
It was a pure and true heart that loved him.
For many years afterwards,
he’d continuously recall the boy’s expression every time he looked at him lovingly, the boy’s every smile as he called him ‘Brother Jing Sui,’ the boy’s every scowl as he got jealous and temperamental… every little detail of all their interactions was brought up over and over again in his mind. Clearly and cruelly, they reminded him of what he’d done, and how ruthless he’d acted, not letting him escape.
If he’d been nice to the boy at the beginning, even just once, things wouldn't have come to this point…
But he hadn’t.
He was the one who had personally pushed the boy who loved him so deeply into the abyss of no return.
Every memory that came up tore at his unhealed wound, revealing the raw and bloodied insides. They told him that he was actually a person with a heart as well, and would feel pain.
This was probably the retribution the boy had left him.
It told him that all his pain was his just desserts for what he’d done…
Let him know that a person like himself wasn’t worthy of such pure feelings.
But ironically…
A cruel person like him could be given a gift from god, and granted the chance to do everything over again.
There was deep self-ridicule in Jing Sui’s eyes. He looked at the youth’s lively face in front of him. His chest, which had almost been frozen solid, seemed to be slowly flowing again, bringing with it a rush of pain.
No, this may not have been a gift…
Perhaps god had only given him rebirth so he could see his mistakes with his own eyes, and know just how cruel he was...
God was probably looking at him in mockery, showing him these things.
‘Now that you’re back, what do you plan to do? Do you really understand how to love someone?’
Pain flashed in the depths of Jing Sui’s eyes.
Yes, take a look at what you’ve done...
If it wasn’t for his disdain and indifference, why would Ji Ling knowingly take such a risk and challenge Ning Yu to prove himself? The boy had only wanted a glance and affirmation from him, so he put everything on the line…
I knew he was just bringing disgrace to himself, but I ignored it all and let it happen.
Unknowingly, I had easily trampled on his love, something I would never be able to attain again no matter how much I wanted…something that would torture me with sleepless nights for the hundreds of years after…
Why couldn’t I have come back earlier?
Just a little earlier would’ve been fine...
Ji Ling gawked speechlessly at the terrifying and powerful emperor before him. His legs were so weak from fear, they almost gave way.
You… Do you have to be so angry?
Ning Yu is fine...
I was the one who was beaten up…
Ji Ling wanted to cry but no tears came out. Seeing that Jing Sui’s aura was becoming more oppressive and terrifying, in the twinkling of an eye, he wet his eyes and stared tearfully at the tall black-haired, golden-eyed man in front of him. Hoping he could get through this by playing pitiful, he said quivering: "Your Majesty..."
This, ‘Your Majesty,’ said in a shaking voice, was like a hand gently stirring something up within him.
It moved his time which had become stagnant, and brought back his thoughts to the present moment.
Jing Sui finally raised his hand.
He gently wiped away the tears in front of Ji Ling's absent eyes. He spoke in a very, very light voice… It was so faint that it sounded like it had passed through a far away time and space, as if it had sounded from the distant future.
"I'm sorry,” he said.
