[2009 – September]
Walking back to the Hellion Mansion from the main building of the Massachusetts Academy where Emma's office was located, my hands were hidden inside the pocket on the front of my grey hoodie, as was the small packaged book which I had been gifted by the Ancient One.
Arya sat on my shoulder, looking around sleepily while pressing her tiny body against the side of my neck. I could feel that she recognized this place as the one where I had found her, though she wasn't of the mind to explore as it had been a long day for her.
She was only a baby, and accompanying me to school had been rather exciting for her, though it had also tired her out a great deal.
My eyes emitted a white glow as I walked over the cobblestone path that led through this forested area, my vision defying any sense of distance as I rested my gaze on Emma while she busied herself in her office, my thoughts circling around the conversation that we just had.
Reading reports, sending messages, making calls, shifting through contracts, etc. Emma used the tools and devices in her office with the precision of a surgeon as she wove her terrifying net of schemes, the White Queen's power and influence ever-increasing.
I hadn't told Emma about where to find the missing research data, even though I vaguely remembered where Peter's father had hidden it from the sequel to 'The Amazing Spider-Man', neither had I mentioned that Dr. Connors would most likely reacquire the missing formula in the near future with Peter's help.
It wasn't that I didn't trust Emma with this information, it was just that this was her world. Emma was walking a dangerous and bloody path to fulfill her ambition, and while I did not judge her for the path she had chosen and would never think less of her because of it, I did not want to be part of it either.
This did not mean that I wouldn't protect her if she were to face off against Selene, Magneto, or any other existence that threatened to harm her, but I wouldn't be a willing sword in her hands and I wouldn't help the Hellfire Club advance its agenda either.
I would gladly be her confidant and protector in times of need, as Emma already held an important piece of my heart, but that was the extent of my help.
I had realized this while I had listened to her talk about the Hellfire Club's affairs in more detail earlier. I wasn't repulsed by their methods, it just wasn't what I pursued.
At the same time, this short conversation and the following realization also helped me understand myself better.
With my eyes returning to their normal green colour, I stopped in my tracks. Looking down at the cobblestone path and the distant Hellion Mansion, I went off-track and started to wander amongst the trees that stood on both sides of the path until I came across a small clearing.
Sitting down in the middle of it, I gently took Arya in my palm and placed her in the inner pocket of the black coat I wore over the hoodie. In response, she softly pinched my fingers with her beak while rubbing her little head into my palm, before she settled in and closed her eyes, falling into a peaceful sleep.
Sighing, I just let myself fall backward as I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths while I enjoyed the sensation of being cushioned by soft grass, the scent of greenery filling my lungs.
When I had first awakened in this world, I had been determined to become powerful so that I could walk amongst the infinite stars without anyone being able to block my path. This wish of mine had not changed, as it still burned fiercely in the depths of my heart.
I had not wanted to bother with all the crazy stuff that was inevitably going to happen in this Universe. The endless conflicts and wars for supremacy, where ideologies clashed in a rather tiresome display of 'good' versus 'evil'.
I wasn't heartless, and I didn't lack sympathy for the weak, but I simply did not want to spend my life partaking in a conflict that would never see an end.
There were always going to be those that sought power for selfish purposes while at the same time there would be people to oppose them, even if only to protect their own interests or because they were in search of some external form of validation.
Now that I had encountered such a conflict though, it proved difficult to simply not interfere, especially so after I had just decided to take down Apocalypse for the threat he represented to me.
Logically, I understood the difference between Apocalypse and the events surrounding Peter, as the former was an immortal threat that would stop at nothing to enslave the human race and subjugate mutantkind so that he could rule over both of them, those I cared about and myself included.
Apocalypse was not a threat this world could deal with permanently, not without Jean's help. And since I did not want to be dragged into an endless battle against Apocalypse, I had to intervene simply to ensure that I could continue to live in peace and quiet while I was on Earth.
It was also partly because Selene had been the one to request help, and I wanted to stop her from continuously plotting against Jean and me while using those we cared about as possible targets for her schemes, especially Emma.
Naturally, I was still vexed that I had been dragged into this mess with Apocalypse. And I knew it was because I lacked strength, that Selene even dared to have thoughts about scheming against Jean and me, which was the whole reason I had been training so hard for the past few weeks.
The situation at hand with Peter was different though, as I hadn't even realized when I had developed any intentions of interfering, especially since it wasn't something that would affect me in any substantial way if I just did nothing.
'Is this what power does to the human heart? How terrifying … ', I thought to myself, knowing that my thoughts had silently strayed from my original purpose.
I hadn't thought much about the consequences of interfering in the events surrounding Peter, simply because my current power placed me far above those events. Still, this wasn't about any eventual risk I might face, and it wasn't that I could not lend Peter a helping hand.
It was just that I hadn't even noticed, how I had almost been drawn into a conflict that had nothing to do with me just because I knew that I 'could' interfere. It made me realize how terrifying the corrupting influence of power really was.
It also gave me a better understanding of how truly difficult it was to stay neutral, especially when you had the power to change the outcome of events at your whim.
I could easily see how addictive such situations could become for people in power. The sense of control and superiority was incredibly tempting and it awakened something dark in the human heart.
Exhaling deeply, I could feel my heart beating fiercely as if in trepidation. I was afraid, afraid to lose sight of what I truly yearned for. I was afraid that I would be corrupted by the power that I wielded without even knowing that it had happened.
I also finally understood that my knowledge about possible future events wasn't just a blessing but also a curse. It was much easier for me to fight for power, authority, and wealth than it was for others. In return though the temptation to truly do so was equally great.
Sighing deeply, I opened my eyes as I stared at the blue sky above, serenity returning to my mind soon enough as I shook off my fear and trepidation, my gaze shining with a calm light.
Power was only a tool and never the goal. And while fear was a great teacher, it wasn't any less of a corruptive influence than power, and I had no intention of being controlled by either of the two.
“Being free. It's not that easy, huh … “, I whispered, finally understanding that the greatest obstacles on my path to freedom weren't some mighty foes or other external sources of danger. In fact, without an indomitable heart and an untainted resolve, it was very likely that I would not see the end of my journey before I was corrupted by my own power.
Still, this was my path and I never expected it to be a smooth sailing one. If I couldn't even muster the determination to walk on this path just because there were obstacles on it, how could I dare to dream of freedom?
Smiling ever so slightly, I raised my hand and looked through the gaps between my fingers, strands of sunlight falling through them, as I held the world in the palm of my hand.
And then, I let go.
My hand returned to my side, soft grass caressing the palm of my hand while I closed my eyes again.
Resting for a few truly peaceful moments, my heart light and unrestrained. Strands of white light shone through the seams between my eyeslids, my gaze resting on the stars above, hidden behind the blue sky.
A few moments later, my vision shifted to Jean in the Hellion Mansion as I saw her laugh at something Clarice said, the faint smile turning into something more gentle.
Opening my eyes, the white glow of my irises slowly receeding, I pulled out the package from the Ancient One. I slowly untied the cord and unwrapped it, discovering that it was indeed a small leatherbound book.
It wasn't too big, only a bit bigger than my palm, while its thickness was similar to my finger. There was no name printed on the leather cover, though a small leatherstring was bound around the booklet, which kept it close.
Untying the string too, I opened the booklet and looked at the first page, what greeted my sight were only two words – The Cycle.
[2009 – September]
Walking back to the Hellion Mansion from the main building of the Massachusetts Academy where Emma's office was located, my hands were hidden inside the pocket on the front of my grey hoodie, as was the small packaged book which I had been gifted by the Ancient One.
Arya sat on my shoulder, looking around sleepily while pressing her tiny body against the side of my neck. I could feel that she recognized this place as the one where I had found her, though she wasn't of the mind to explore as it had been a long day for her.
She was only a baby, and accompanying me to school had been rather exciting for her, though it had also tired her out a great deal.
My eyes emitted a white glow as I walked over the cobblestone path that led through this forested area, my vision defying any sense of distance as I rested my gaze on Emma while she busied herself in her office, my thoughts circling around the conversation that we just had.
Reading reports, sending messages, making calls, shifting through contracts, etc. Emma used the tools and devices in her office with the precision of a surgeon as she wove her terrifying net of schemes, the White Queen's power and influence ever-increasing.
I hadn't told Emma about where to find the missing research data, even though I vaguely remembered where Peter's father had hidden it from the sequel to 'The Amazing Spider-Man', neither had I mentioned that Dr. Connors would most likely reacquire the missing formula in the near future with Peter's help.
It wasn't that I didn't trust Emma with this information, it was just that this was her world. Emma was walking a dangerous and bloody path to fulfill her ambition, and while I did not judge her for the path she had chosen and would never think less of her because of it, I did not want to be part of it either.
This did not mean that I wouldn't protect her if she were to face off against Selene, Magneto, or any other existence that threatened to harm her, but I wouldn't be a willing sword in her hands and I wouldn't help the Hellfire Club advance its agenda either.
I would gladly be her confidant and protector in times of need, as Emma already held an important piece of my heart, but that was the extent of my help.
I had realized this while I had listened to her talk about the Hellfire Club's affairs in more detail earlier. I wasn't repulsed by their methods, it just wasn't what I pursued.
At the same time, this short conversation and the following realization also helped me understand myself better.
With my eyes returning to their normal green colour, I stopped in my tracks. Looking down at the cobblestone path and the distant Hellion Mansion, I went off-track and started to wander amongst the trees that stood on both sides of the path until I came across a small clearing.
Sitting down in the middle of it, I gently took Arya in my palm and placed her in the inner pocket of the black coat I wore over the hoodie. In response, she softly pinched my fingers with her beak while rubbing her little head into my palm, before she settled in and closed her eyes, falling into a peaceful sleep.
Sighing, I just let myself fall backward as I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths while I enjoyed the sensation of being cushioned by soft grass, the scent of greenery filling my lungs.
When I had first awakened in this world, I had been determined to become powerful so that I could walk amongst the infinite stars without anyone being able to block my path. This wish of mine had not changed, as it still burned fiercely in the depths of my heart.
I had not wanted to bother with all the crazy stuff that was inevitably going to happen in this Universe. The endless conflicts and wars for supremacy, where ideologies clashed in a rather tiresome display of 'good' versus 'evil'.
I wasn't heartless, and I didn't lack sympathy for the weak, but I simply did not want to spend my life partaking in a conflict that would never see an end.
There were always going to be those that sought power for selfish purposes while at the same time there would be people to oppose them, even if only to protect their own interests or because they were in search of some external form of validation.
Now that I had encountered such a conflict though, it proved difficult to simply not interfere, especially so after I had just decided to take down Apocalypse for the threat he represented to me.
Logically, I understood the difference between Apocalypse and the events surrounding Peter, as the former was an immortal threat that would stop at nothing to enslave the human race and subjugate mutantkind so that he could rule over both of them, those I cared about and myself included.
Apocalypse was not a threat this world could deal with permanently, not without Jean's help. And since I did not want to be dragged into an endless battle against Apocalypse, I had to intervene simply to ensure that I could continue to live in peace and quiet while I was on Earth.
It was also partly because Selene had been the one to request help, and I wanted to stop her from continuously plotting against Jean and me while using those we cared about as possible targets for her schemes, especially Emma.
Naturally, I was still vexed that I had been dragged into this mess with Apocalypse. And I knew it was because I lacked strength, that Selene even dared to have thoughts about scheming against Jean and me, which was the whole reason I had been training so hard for the past few weeks.
The situation at hand with Peter was different though, as I hadn't even realized when I had developed any intentions of interfering, especially since it wasn't something that would affect me in any substantial way if I just did nothing.
'Is this what power does to the human heart? How terrifying … ', I thought to myself, knowing that my thoughts had silently strayed from my original purpose.
I hadn't thought much about the consequences of interfering in the events surrounding Peter, simply because my current power placed me far above those events. Still, this wasn't about any eventual risk I might face, and it wasn't that I could not lend Peter a helping hand.
It was just that I hadn't even noticed, how I had almost been drawn into a conflict that had nothing to do with me just because I knew that I 'could' interfere. It made me realize how terrifying the corrupting influence of power really was.
It also gave me a better understanding of how truly difficult it was to stay neutral, especially when you had the power to change the outcome of events at your whim.
I could easily see how addictive such situations could become for people in power. The sense of control and superiority was incredibly tempting and it awakened something dark in the human heart.
Exhaling deeply, I could feel my heart beating fiercely as if in trepidation. I was afraid, afraid to lose sight of what I truly yearned for. I was afraid that I would be corrupted by the power that I wielded without even knowing that it had happened.
I also finally understood that my knowledge about possible future events wasn't just a blessing but also a curse. It was much easier for me to fight for power, authority, and wealth than it was for others. In return though the temptation to truly do so was equally great.
Sighing deeply, I opened my eyes as I stared at the blue sky above, serenity returning to my mind soon enough as I shook off my fear and trepidation, my gaze shining with a calm light.
Power was only a tool and never the goal. And while fear was a great teacher, it wasn't any less of a corruptive influence than power, and I had no intention of being controlled by either of the two.
“Being free. It's not that easy, huh … “, I whispered, finally understanding that the greatest obstacles on my path to freedom weren't some mighty foes or other external sources of danger. In fact, without an indomitable heart and an untainted resolve, it was very likely that I would not see the end of my journey before I was corrupted by my own power.
Still, this was my path and I never expected it to be a smooth sailing one. If I couldn't even muster the determination to walk on this path just because there were obstacles on it, how could I dare to dream of freedom?
Smiling ever so slightly, I raised my hand and looked through the gaps between my fingers, strands of sunlight falling through them, as I held the world in the palm of my hand.
And then, I let go.
My hand returned to my side, soft grass caressing the palm of my hand while I closed my eyes again.
Resting for a few truly peaceful moments, my heart light and unrestrained. Strands of white light shone through the seams between my eyeslids, my gaze resting on the stars above, hidden behind the blue sky.
A few moments later, my vision shifted to Jean in the Hellion Mansion as I saw her laugh at something Clarice said, the faint smile turning into something more gentle.
Opening my eyes, the white glow of my irises slowly receeding, I pulled out the package from the Ancient One. I slowly untied the cord and unwrapped it, discovering that it was indeed a small leatherbound book.
It wasn't too big, only a bit bigger than my palm, while its thickness was similar to my finger. There was no name printed on the leather cover, though a small leatherstring was bound around the booklet, which kept it close.
Untying the string too, I opened the booklet and looked at the first page, what greeted my sight were only two words – The Cycle.
