When I was young. Occasionally, there was a woman in my house named Kanai-san.
I think I got it right.
On days when the whole family was busy, I would stay at home with her.
I don’t know if she was a housekeeper, a babysitter, a neighbor, a friend or acquaintance of my mother’s, or why she was in our house.
However, she was a very friendly and pleasant person.
Having been surrounded by pretentious things in my home and having been exposed to almost nothing unattractive and tacky, I grew up seeing fashionable, thoughtful, and cultural things.
Of course, at first, I thought that was the nicest thing, and I tried to be like my family.
Kanai-san would make me watch kung fu comedy movies and I would giggle.
Then she told me a funny story about her experience of living alone in poverty, and I asked her many questions and laughed again.
Kanai-san secretly let me eat cup noodles and natto rice. She let me read her old manga.
She taught me about the many ridiculous, silly, useless, yet lovely things that exist in this world.
Before I realized it, Kanai-san was gone.
When my family became a little less busy and I started playing with my friends at school more and more, I started to spend less and less time alone, so there was no proper goodbye.
Kanai-san’s presence was a normal part of my life at some point, and I didn’t particularly want to see her, but she was next to me when I was lonely.
There are some things that I only remember when they hurt, like mouth ulcers, stubbed fingers, or stomachaches. However, because the place that would have hurt without her was unaffected, I was able to keep the day from becoming a sad memory and as part of my daily life.
Instead, I didn’t remember her as something special, because she was there so naturally.
Kanai-san was not a special memory for me. When I thought about it, it was an irregularity, but it felt more like a natural part of my daily life. Her atmosphere was so natural that it didn’t even remind me that I was all alone.
I had forgotten about her for a long time because of my childish stubbornness.
I once asked my mother who Kanai-san was, but she replied that there was no one by that name. Maybe I had misremembered the name.
“I think it was Kanai-san. Wasn’t there someone who took care of me when I was in elementary school?”
“Hmm, was there?”
My mother, smiling in front of me, was beautiful and hadn’t changed much. She doesn’t have much of a life of her own.
My father’s work was the busiest and he often went abroad, my sister was at the hospital, and my mother was also working on her own in between. The house was indeed strangely quiet at that time.
The world seemed to be just Kanai-san and me.
“No matter what, I don’t think anyone would leave you alone in the house all the time… But yes, a few times I did have someone I knew from work look after you… I don’t think it’s for that long. I wonder who it was…”
My mother seemed to feel guilty for leaving me alone during that time, and she wanted to pretend that it had never happened, or at least that it had been a short time.
But because of my mother’s work, Kanai-san might be a musician. Maybe she was an acquaintance or one of the acquaintances of an acquaintance. I’m sure she’s a well-established person since she was asked by my mother to look after her daughter at home.
But even if they weren’t that close, I think Kanai-san would have readily accepted the offer. She was that kind of person.
“Sure sure! It sounds fun!”
I think that’s how she smiled and accepted the job. She was the kind of person who enjoyed everything. It would not have been surprising if she had seen my mother in trouble and offered her help. Even if I had never met her before, I don’t think there are many people who would think of her as a dangerous person.
Kanai-san was always smiling.
As far as I remember, I must have spent time with her in the second or third year of elementary school. However, my memory of her is quite hazy.
The long time that I spent with Kanai-san may have actually been a short period, less than a week. Maybe it was just a day or two.
Or it could have been an imaginary person that I made up when I was lonely, or it could be that I remembered several people mixed up. Even if I could meet her now, she might not be the same person I remember.
The face of Kanai-san that comes to my mind is always somewhat vague, but the image of her existence is clear.
I wonder how Kanai-san is doing now.
Is she happy? I wonder if she remembers me. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t remember me.
I loved Kanai-san.
That person who was always smiling, who laughed and talked about sad and painful things in a funny way, still lives inside me all the time.
When I was young. Occasionally, there was a woman in my house named Kanai-san.
I think I got it right.
On days when the whole family was busy, I would stay at home with her.
I don’t know if she was a housekeeper, a babysitter, a neighbor, a friend or acquaintance of my mother’s, or why she was in our house.
However, she was a very friendly and pleasant person.
Having been surrounded by pretentious things in my home and having been exposed to almost nothing unattractive and tacky, I grew up seeing fashionable, thoughtful, and cultural things.
Of course, at first, I thought that was the nicest thing, and I tried to be like my family.
Kanai-san would make me watch kung fu comedy movies and I would giggle.
Then she told me a funny story about her experience of living alone in poverty, and I asked her many questions and laughed again.
Kanai-san secretly let me eat cup noodles and natto rice. She let me read her old manga.
She taught me about the many ridiculous, silly, useless, yet lovely things that exist in this world.
Before I realized it, Kanai-san was gone.
When my family became a little less busy and I started playing with my friends at school more and more, I started to spend less and less time alone, so there was no proper goodbye.
Kanai-san’s presence was a normal part of my life at some point, and I didn’t particularly want to see her, but she was next to me when I was lonely.
There are some things that I only remember when they hurt, like mouth ulcers, stubbed fingers, or stomachaches. However, because the place that would have hurt without her was unaffected, I was able to keep the day from becoming a sad memory and as part of my daily life.
Instead, I didn’t remember her as something special, because she was there so naturally.
Kanai-san was not a special memory for me. When I thought about it, it was an irregularity, but it felt more like a natural part of my daily life. Her atmosphere was so natural that it didn’t even remind me that I was all alone.
I had forgotten about her for a long time because of my childish stubbornness.
I once asked my mother who Kanai-san was, but she replied that there was no one by that name. Maybe I had misremembered the name.
“I think it was Kanai-san. Wasn’t there someone who took care of me when I was in elementary school?”
“Hmm, was there?”
My mother, smiling in front of me, was beautiful and hadn’t changed much. She doesn’t have much of a life of her own.
My father’s work was the busiest and he often went abroad, my sister was at the hospital, and my mother was also working on her own in between. The house was indeed strangely quiet at that time.
The world seemed to be just Kanai-san and me.
“No matter what, I don’t think anyone would leave you alone in the house all the time… But yes, a few times I did have someone I knew from work look after you… I don’t think it’s for that long. I wonder who it was…”
My mother seemed to feel guilty for leaving me alone during that time, and she wanted to pretend that it had never happened, or at least that it had been a short time.
But because of my mother’s work, Kanai-san might be a musician. Maybe she was an acquaintance or one of the acquaintances of an acquaintance. I’m sure she’s a well-established person since she was asked by my mother to look after her daughter at home.
But even if they weren’t that close, I think Kanai-san would have readily accepted the offer. She was that kind of person.
“Sure sure! It sounds fun!”
I think that’s how she smiled and accepted the job. She was the kind of person who enjoyed everything. It would not have been surprising if she had seen my mother in trouble and offered her help. Even if I had never met her before, I don’t think there are many people who would think of her as a dangerous person.
Kanai-san was always smiling.
As far as I remember, I must have spent time with her in the second or third year of elementary school. However, my memory of her is quite hazy.
The long time that I spent with Kanai-san may have actually been a short period, less than a week. Maybe it was just a day or two.
Or it could have been an imaginary person that I made up when I was lonely, or it could be that I remembered several people mixed up. Even if I could meet her now, she might not be the same person I remember.
The face of Kanai-san that comes to my mind is always somewhat vague, but the image of her existence is clear.
I wonder how Kanai-san is doing now.
Is she happy? I wonder if she remembers me. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t remember me.
I loved Kanai-san.
That person who was always smiling, who laughed and talked about sad and painful things in a funny way, still lives inside me all the time.
