Very late the next morning Xenia found herself busy setting up something of a brunch in her core chamber. Although neither Lollyp or Sincere actually required food these days, it could still be enjoyed, and she felt the need to make some sort of an apology to the pair. While they hadn't known what to expect in the Great Dungeon, 'getting the party kicked back out before they got ten feet in' felt like a particularly egregious misstep. Also, although she had trouble putting it into words the woman definitely felt like she ought to thank Lollyp in some way for staying behind for a few hours the night before.
Even so Xenia is a little surprised when she sends Guy to go invite the pair downstairs and only Lollyp arrives. Looking up as she finishes dishing out some bacon, Xenia gives the floor boss her best smile. "Mornin', Lollyp! Sincere got the invite too, yeah? He coming down later? And how about Guy? Hell, the ghost buckets are welcome to swing by too if they want to hang out, though I'm guessing trying to eat would just mess up their armor or something."
Lollyp gives a slight smile in response but sighs a bit as she takes a seat. "Thanks for the food, Xe, it looks great. But uh, they're not coming."
Xenia's brow furrows. "No? Are...oh, crap. Sincere isn't pissed that I fucked up the expedition, is he? I set all this up to try and make up for that, you know?"
The slime quickly shakes her head. "No, no, it's nothing like that. It's just...I think we need to talk about what happened, and I figured maybe it was one of those kinds of things you wouldn't want to talk about in front of a bunch of people. Especially since you still barely know Sincere, not that he's a bad guy or anything."
Xenia takes a seat of her own, nibbling at a piece of bacon that she can taste but not truly consume. "Um, thanks, but there's nothing to talk about. The dungeon hit me with an illusion and I wasn't ready for it. Next time I will be. We'll give the floor a few days to recharge and try again, and next time we'll kick its ass, no problem."
Lollyp sighs again. "Xenia."
Looking down at the table, Xenia finds herself having trouble meeting Lollyp's eyes. "...Yeah?"
"Setting aside whatever it was that actually triggered it - I know Sincere's got some theories, but it's not really important right now - I think you need to talk about it. Whatever it was happened in an instant, and it totally shut you down. Not just for the intrusion, but for hours." Lollyp pauses, looking away herself before finishing her statement. "I...I don't like seeing you like that, Xe. I want to help."
Xenia closes her eyes, and for a moment Lollyp is afraid that her friend is going to snap at her, or tell her to get out. Instead, after a long series of deep breaths, her eyes finally open and find Lollyp's. "...Yeah. Okay. To start at the beginning, I guess...let me tell you a story about being a Hero."
Leaving the breakfast table behind, Xenia had paced the room for a few minutes before finally leaning against one of the chamber's windows, staring out into the dark abyss of the mountain. As eager to listen as Lollyp was she managed to hold her silence until her friend was ready to speak, and after another minute or two of window-gazing, that patience was rewarded.
"...The first time I was a Hero was also my first go-around at this whole reincarnation thing. As you might imagine, I was as confused as fuck. One minute I'm walking across the street, gettin' turned into a pancake by a speeding white truck, and then next minute I'm in some sort of temple surrounded by priests and nobles and shit. Oh, and also I was a guy for some reason, barely more than a teenager at that, so you know. Really fuckin' confused. Then the priests tell me this story. They say that I was summoned to be their great hero, the Chosen of the kingdom of Ulthor, and that I was gonna save them from the Dreaded Tyrant who threatened their borders."
Lollyp doesn't interrupt, but she watches closely, and notices Xenia's fingers as they tighten their grip on the windowsill. Frowning slightly, Xenia continues. "Now, it was never really my thing back on Earth, but I knew enough to know the basics. Fantasy, swords, magic, chosen heroes, all that shit, it wasn't hard to figure out my role. And even if it had been, I had a bunch of people willing to tell me what it was. I had a spirit guide, a king throwing me feasts, a knight captain to teach me swordplay, handpicked adventurers to be my companions. And it's not like I had any idea what else I could fuckin' do, so I went along for the ride."
Her fingers tap against the stone. "Seven months. Six months of training, feasting, and...well, let's just say some of those adventurers were pretty damn good looking and I had some experimenting to do, and leave it at that, yeah? Then one month to defeat the Dreaded Tyrant. Slipped across the border with almost no issues, infiltrated the capital, then all of an hour to break into the palace, find the throne room, and stab the fucker in the chest." Xenia's mouth turns into a grimace before she takes on a mocking tone. "Hooray! The tyrant is dead, long live freedom!"
At that, Lollyp finally hazards a question. "Guessing it wasn't that easy?"
"That's just it, Lollyp. It was too easy. I didn't figure it out until like an hour after I did the deed, but...the dude was just a king. Oh, sure, perhaps marginally worse in some respects, but from the way the townspeople reacted to the news, he was probably better in others. Did have a good evil cackle though, I will give him that. But all in all?" Xenia shakes her head. "I was no Hero, Lollyp. I was a summoned assassin. I got the heroes' welcome and all that when I got back - more feasts, more charming adventurers, but I finally started to catch on to just how much of a setup it all fuckin' was. My companions weren't my friends, they were my minders. The spiritual guide was teaching me how to use my powers but never said anything about if I should. And the king just wanted me to knock off a rival so he could set a puppet on the throne. Still, I sucked it up, sat on it for a year after that."
"What happened after that?"
The woman snorts. "Turns out, having a Hero in your back pocket gives people really itchy trigger fingers. I lived on the kingdom's dime for a year, clearing out a few bandits, slaying a few minor monsters, and all that good stuff, but keeping a Hero and his party around is damn expensive, so obviously eventually the King goes...'well, why shouldn't I put this investment to use, hrmm?' But since I was around this time, I was able to see how it all got started. The propaganda, the made-up political insults. Over the course of like three months, a nearby leader who'd been an ally like twenty years before suddenly transformed into a Wicked Empress. Then I started getting hints going, hey, Hero, maybe you should go fix things for the good of the kingdom eh, wink wink, nudge nudge? Except with it becoming less of a hint and more of an order every time."
Lollyp's mouth turns into a bit of a sneer of her own. "Ugh, what a prick. What did you do then?"
Chuckling, Xenia continues. "Did something right, and stupid. Made a public announcement that I wasn't doing any more political shit: I'd slay monsters, defend if someone else attacked, but that was it. Imagine my surprise when I caught word one evening that the King'd announced that I had been mind-controlled by the enemy, and that it was only further proof of her wickedness." Closing her eyes, Xenia sighs before she continues. "Sadly, I heard that news while I was in the middle of dinner. My apparently very poisoned dinner, given that my kitchen staff all worked for the King. I'm sure the Empress got the blame for that, too. Either way, I was off to my next run and my slot was freed up for them to probably summon some other poor sap who'd ask fewer questions."
Lollyp nods along. "So the illusion or whatever it was, was the first time you got betrayed or something? That does sound really bad."
Xenia shakes her head. "Oh, I wish. Nah, I told you that story to, like, set a baseline. Sort of establish a trend for my kind of luck, you know? Because to actually get to the point...let me tell you about the second time I was a Hero."
Although she needs another few minutes to collect her thoughts, this time when she finally settles down Xenia is back at the breakfast table, again doing her best to nibble at some bacon. "Seriously, the way food and drink just melts on my tongue is really freaking weird. Least I don't need to worry about a diet."
"Hey, you're stalling!" Lollyp starts to wag a finger, and then halts. "Uh, I mean...whenever you're ready. I know this is tough to talk about."
Xenia smirks, but continues without further prompting. "The second time I was a Hero was, I don't know, my sixth or seventh run I guess. Started off pretty similarly - I got summoned, for some reason I was a dude again, cause seriously I think whatever god is in charge of summoned heroes is some sort of misogynist or something, and I was standing in a temple full of important people. The second someone called me a Hero - which I think took about seven seconds - I was like, 'well, fuck...here we go with this bullshit again.'"
"Oof." Lollyp gives a pained expression. "How bad was it this time?"
"That's just it, Lolly Pop. That time it went exactly like it does in all the fairy tales. There was a dragon, an actual evil overlord that time, and a whole gang of princesses that needed to be rescued - seven of em, actually, that was what they called me that round. The Hero of Seven Cities! Had adventurer buddies who were actually my friends that round, and we did some actual good together. We went around, slew the seven evil lieutenants and the dragon, eventually brought the evil overlord's tower down around his head, and once again returned home to a Hero's welcome. Happily ever after."
"And...what happened to you this time?"
A faint smile passes Xenia's lips. "Exactly that. My party, they were all great, but there was this one...there was Sarah." Lollyp leans forward at the mention of the name, but Xenia doesn't seem to notice, lost in the memory. "Our healer. During all that, we kind of fell for each other. Priestess in the streets, demon in the sheets, my kinda gal if you catch my meaning, eh? After we settled down - no king-funded mansion that time, just a simple house in a quiet village, we got married and, well...we worked on that ever after."
There's a long pause, but this time Lollyp refrains from prompting, and Xenia eventually picks back up. "Six kids together. Four girls, two boys. There uh...was also another half-bro with one of the princesses, but Sarah didn't mind considering that not only was she there at the time, but she was the one telling me to...uh...well, demon in the sheets, like I said." Xenia blushes a bit and hastily continues before Lollyp can say anything. "Anyways, we...we really made it work. There were so many good days, but there was this one day in particular. It was after the kids were all grown and gone and starting families of their own, and it was just the two of us. And it was such a perfect, quiet little spring day and I remember stopping at one point, and just burning that day into my memory, as hard as I could. I said to myself, Xenia...this day is perfect. You're not going to get a day better than this one no matter how many lives you live."
She pauses again, setting aside her half-finished bacon. "And it must have been burned in there real good, because that was the day I saw when I went into that dungeon."
Lollyp's confusion becomes apparent. "Oh? But...Xenia, when you went over there, you looked...well, you didn't look like someone who'd just had their best day, you know?"
The dungeon master nods. "Sarah passed away when she was seventy-three. The funeral gathering was so big it practically out-populated the village we lived in. All the kids, seventeen grandkids, already some great-grandkids, and so many friends, and folks we'd saved at one point or another who wanted to pay their respects. I missed her, but it still felt right, you know? I knew that we'd done it right. Whatever happened after that, I could go knowing that we'd done the best that we could. I went myself about five years later, in my sleep. Just...went to bed one night, and..."
At that, Xenia's face suddenly turns into a scowl. "And then when I woke up the next morning I was a goddamn fucking bug. In a goddamn fucking swamp."
The slime sucks in a breath. "That sounds...um. Jarring?"
"Would have cried, woulda screamed, if I fuckin' could have. And it wasn't even the 'being a bug' thing that hurt, you know? It's just...can you imagine what it's like, knowing that you had your perfect moment, your perfect life, and it was all behind you now? And it was, too. In all the lives I've had since then, I've never had it that good. Some good times, sure, but...but never like it was then. But that's why I never look back. If I...if I let myself get lost in it, to think about it, then everything else just feels like ashes in comparison. I've literally lost years to it already, I know. So that's why I always live in the present these days, and why the thing that scares me most more than anything else in the universe is a perfect fuckin' day."
She glances at Lollyp for a moment, but then glances away again before finishing the statement, unable to meet her eyes. "Because the thing about bad times is they don't last forever. And the thing about good times is...they don't last forever, either."
For a while, Lollyp just looks at Xenia, before finally finding the words to say. "Xenia. That...that's kind of fucked up."
The woman smirks. "It kind of is, ain't it?"
"Xenia, you need to - " Whatever Lollyp was about to say is interrupted, as Guy suddenly flies in through the closed door.
"Ma'am, sorry to interrupt, but I believe Lollyp needs to return to her arena. The Valleylanders are back, and I do believe they mean business!"
Lollyp seems to want to continue the conversation, but the walk back up to Floor Two isn't quick, and after a brief hesitation she hops from her seat and starts to make her way to the door. "Alright, I'll take care of it...but we'll talk more later, alright Xe?"
Xenia gives her a sad smile as she heads out. "Sure thing, Lolly Pop. Kill one for me, will ya?"
"...Sure thing, boss." Lollyp opens the door and heads out, but hears one last thing before she goes.
"Oh, but not the mouse girl! That one's too adorable to die!"
Very late the next morning Xenia found herself busy setting up something of a brunch in her core chamber. Although neither Lollyp or Sincere actually required food these days, it could still be enjoyed, and she felt the need to make some sort of an apology to the pair. While they hadn't known what to expect in the Great Dungeon, 'getting the party kicked back out before they got ten feet in' felt like a particularly egregious misstep. Also, although she had trouble putting it into words the woman definitely felt like she ought to thank Lollyp in some way for staying behind for a few hours the night before.
Even so Xenia is a little surprised when she sends Guy to go invite the pair downstairs and only Lollyp arrives. Looking up as she finishes dishing out some bacon, Xenia gives the floor boss her best smile. "Mornin', Lollyp! Sincere got the invite too, yeah? He coming down later? And how about Guy? Hell, the ghost buckets are welcome to swing by too if they want to hang out, though I'm guessing trying to eat would just mess up their armor or something."
Lollyp gives a slight smile in response but sighs a bit as she takes a seat. "Thanks for the food, Xe, it looks great. But uh, they're not coming."
Xenia's brow furrows. "No? Are...oh, crap. Sincere isn't pissed that I fucked up the expedition, is he? I set all this up to try and make up for that, you know?"
The slime quickly shakes her head. "No, no, it's nothing like that. It's just...I think we need to talk about what happened, and I figured maybe it was one of those kinds of things you wouldn't want to talk about in front of a bunch of people. Especially since you still barely know Sincere, not that he's a bad guy or anything."
Xenia takes a seat of her own, nibbling at a piece of bacon that she can taste but not truly consume. "Um, thanks, but there's nothing to talk about. The dungeon hit me with an illusion and I wasn't ready for it. Next time I will be. We'll give the floor a few days to recharge and try again, and next time we'll kick its ass, no problem."
Lollyp sighs again. "Xenia."
Looking down at the table, Xenia finds herself having trouble meeting Lollyp's eyes. "...Yeah?"
"Setting aside whatever it was that actually triggered it - I know Sincere's got some theories, but it's not really important right now - I think you need to talk about it. Whatever it was happened in an instant, and it totally shut you down. Not just for the intrusion, but for hours." Lollyp pauses, looking away herself before finishing her statement. "I...I don't like seeing you like that, Xe. I want to help."
Xenia closes her eyes, and for a moment Lollyp is afraid that her friend is going to snap at her, or tell her to get out. Instead, after a long series of deep breaths, her eyes finally open and find Lollyp's. "...Yeah. Okay. To start at the beginning, I guess...let me tell you a story about being a Hero."
Leaving the breakfast table behind, Xenia had paced the room for a few minutes before finally leaning against one of the chamber's windows, staring out into the dark abyss of the mountain. As eager to listen as Lollyp was she managed to hold her silence until her friend was ready to speak, and after another minute or two of window-gazing, that patience was rewarded.
"...The first time I was a Hero was also my first go-around at this whole reincarnation thing. As you might imagine, I was as confused as fuck. One minute I'm walking across the street, gettin' turned into a pancake by a speeding white truck, and then next minute I'm in some sort of temple surrounded by priests and nobles and shit. Oh, and also I was a guy for some reason, barely more than a teenager at that, so you know. Really fuckin' confused. Then the priests tell me this story. They say that I was summoned to be their great hero, the Chosen of the kingdom of Ulthor, and that I was gonna save them from the Dreaded Tyrant who threatened their borders."
Lollyp doesn't interrupt, but she watches closely, and notices Xenia's fingers as they tighten their grip on the windowsill. Frowning slightly, Xenia continues. "Now, it was never really my thing back on Earth, but I knew enough to know the basics. Fantasy, swords, magic, chosen heroes, all that shit, it wasn't hard to figure out my role. And even if it had been, I had a bunch of people willing to tell me what it was. I had a spirit guide, a king throwing me feasts, a knight captain to teach me swordplay, handpicked adventurers to be my companions. And it's not like I had any idea what else I could fuckin' do, so I went along for the ride."
Her fingers tap against the stone. "Seven months. Six months of training, feasting, and...well, let's just say some of those adventurers were pretty damn good looking and I had some experimenting to do, and leave it at that, yeah? Then one month to defeat the Dreaded Tyrant. Slipped across the border with almost no issues, infiltrated the capital, then all of an hour to break into the palace, find the throne room, and stab the fucker in the chest." Xenia's mouth turns into a grimace before she takes on a mocking tone. "Hooray! The tyrant is dead, long live freedom!"
At that, Lollyp finally hazards a question. "Guessing it wasn't that easy?"
"That's just it, Lollyp. It was too easy. I didn't figure it out until like an hour after I did the deed, but...the dude was just a king. Oh, sure, perhaps marginally worse in some respects, but from the way the townspeople reacted to the news, he was probably better in others. Did have a good evil cackle though, I will give him that. But all in all?" Xenia shakes her head. "I was no Hero, Lollyp. I was a summoned assassin. I got the heroes' welcome and all that when I got back - more feasts, more charming adventurers, but I finally started to catch on to just how much of a setup it all fuckin' was. My companions weren't my friends, they were my minders. The spiritual guide was teaching me how to use my powers but never said anything about if I should. And the king just wanted me to knock off a rival so he could set a puppet on the throne. Still, I sucked it up, sat on it for a year after that."
"What happened after that?"
The woman snorts. "Turns out, having a Hero in your back pocket gives people really itchy trigger fingers. I lived on the kingdom's dime for a year, clearing out a few bandits, slaying a few minor monsters, and all that good stuff, but keeping a Hero and his party around is damn expensive, so obviously eventually the King goes...'well, why shouldn't I put this investment to use, hrmm?' But since I was around this time, I was able to see how it all got started. The propaganda, the made-up political insults. Over the course of like three months, a nearby leader who'd been an ally like twenty years before suddenly transformed into a Wicked Empress. Then I started getting hints going, hey, Hero, maybe you should go fix things for the good of the kingdom eh, wink wink, nudge nudge? Except with it becoming less of a hint and more of an order every time."
Lollyp's mouth turns into a bit of a sneer of her own. "Ugh, what a prick. What did you do then?"
Chuckling, Xenia continues. "Did something right, and stupid. Made a public announcement that I wasn't doing any more political shit: I'd slay monsters, defend if someone else attacked, but that was it. Imagine my surprise when I caught word one evening that the King'd announced that I had been mind-controlled by the enemy, and that it was only further proof of her wickedness." Closing her eyes, Xenia sighs before she continues. "Sadly, I heard that news while I was in the middle of dinner. My apparently very poisoned dinner, given that my kitchen staff all worked for the King. I'm sure the Empress got the blame for that, too. Either way, I was off to my next run and my slot was freed up for them to probably summon some other poor sap who'd ask fewer questions."
Lollyp nods along. "So the illusion or whatever it was, was the first time you got betrayed or something? That does sound really bad."
Xenia shakes her head. "Oh, I wish. Nah, I told you that story to, like, set a baseline. Sort of establish a trend for my kind of luck, you know? Because to actually get to the point...let me tell you about the second time I was a Hero."
Although she needs another few minutes to collect her thoughts, this time when she finally settles down Xenia is back at the breakfast table, again doing her best to nibble at some bacon. "Seriously, the way food and drink just melts on my tongue is really freaking weird. Least I don't need to worry about a diet."
"Hey, you're stalling!" Lollyp starts to wag a finger, and then halts. "Uh, I mean...whenever you're ready. I know this is tough to talk about."
Xenia smirks, but continues without further prompting. "The second time I was a Hero was, I don't know, my sixth or seventh run I guess. Started off pretty similarly - I got summoned, for some reason I was a dude again, cause seriously I think whatever god is in charge of summoned heroes is some sort of misogynist or something, and I was standing in a temple full of important people. The second someone called me a Hero - which I think took about seven seconds - I was like, 'well, fuck...here we go with this bullshit again.'"
"Oof." Lollyp gives a pained expression. "How bad was it this time?"
"That's just it, Lolly Pop. That time it went exactly like it does in all the fairy tales. There was a dragon, an actual evil overlord that time, and a whole gang of princesses that needed to be rescued - seven of em, actually, that was what they called me that round. The Hero of Seven Cities! Had adventurer buddies who were actually my friends that round, and we did some actual good together. We went around, slew the seven evil lieutenants and the dragon, eventually brought the evil overlord's tower down around his head, and once again returned home to a Hero's welcome. Happily ever after."
"And...what happened to you this time?"
A faint smile passes Xenia's lips. "Exactly that. My party, they were all great, but there was this one...there was Sarah." Lollyp leans forward at the mention of the name, but Xenia doesn't seem to notice, lost in the memory. "Our healer. During all that, we kind of fell for each other. Priestess in the streets, demon in the sheets, my kinda gal if you catch my meaning, eh? After we settled down - no king-funded mansion that time, just a simple house in a quiet village, we got married and, well...we worked on that ever after."
There's a long pause, but this time Lollyp refrains from prompting, and Xenia eventually picks back up. "Six kids together. Four girls, two boys. There uh...was also another half-bro with one of the princesses, but Sarah didn't mind considering that not only was she there at the time, but she was the one telling me to...uh...well, demon in the sheets, like I said." Xenia blushes a bit and hastily continues before Lollyp can say anything. "Anyways, we...we really made it work. There were so many good days, but there was this one day in particular. It was after the kids were all grown and gone and starting families of their own, and it was just the two of us. And it was such a perfect, quiet little spring day and I remember stopping at one point, and just burning that day into my memory, as hard as I could. I said to myself, Xenia...this day is perfect. You're not going to get a day better than this one no matter how many lives you live."
She pauses again, setting aside her half-finished bacon. "And it must have been burned in there real good, because that was the day I saw when I went into that dungeon."
Lollyp's confusion becomes apparent. "Oh? But...Xenia, when you went over there, you looked...well, you didn't look like someone who'd just had their best day, you know?"
The dungeon master nods. "Sarah passed away when she was seventy-three. The funeral gathering was so big it practically out-populated the village we lived in. All the kids, seventeen grandkids, already some great-grandkids, and so many friends, and folks we'd saved at one point or another who wanted to pay their respects. I missed her, but it still felt right, you know? I knew that we'd done it right. Whatever happened after that, I could go knowing that we'd done the best that we could. I went myself about five years later, in my sleep. Just...went to bed one night, and..."
At that, Xenia's face suddenly turns into a scowl. "And then when I woke up the next morning I was a goddamn fucking bug. In a goddamn fucking swamp."
The slime sucks in a breath. "That sounds...um. Jarring?"
"Would have cried, woulda screamed, if I fuckin' could have. And it wasn't even the 'being a bug' thing that hurt, you know? It's just...can you imagine what it's like, knowing that you had your perfect moment, your perfect life, and it was all behind you now? And it was, too. In all the lives I've had since then, I've never had it that good. Some good times, sure, but...but never like it was then. But that's why I never look back. If I...if I let myself get lost in it, to think about it, then everything else just feels like ashes in comparison. I've literally lost years to it already, I know. So that's why I always live in the present these days, and why the thing that scares me most more than anything else in the universe is a perfect fuckin' day."
She glances at Lollyp for a moment, but then glances away again before finishing the statement, unable to meet her eyes. "Because the thing about bad times is they don't last forever. And the thing about good times is...they don't last forever, either."
For a while, Lollyp just looks at Xenia, before finally finding the words to say. "Xenia. That...that's kind of fucked up."
The woman smirks. "It kind of is, ain't it?"
"Xenia, you need to - " Whatever Lollyp was about to say is interrupted, as Guy suddenly flies in through the closed door.
"Ma'am, sorry to interrupt, but I believe Lollyp needs to return to her arena. The Valleylanders are back, and I do believe they mean business!"
Lollyp seems to want to continue the conversation, but the walk back up to Floor Two isn't quick, and after a brief hesitation she hops from her seat and starts to make her way to the door. "Alright, I'll take care of it...but we'll talk more later, alright Xe?"
Xenia gives her a sad smile as she heads out. "Sure thing, Lolly Pop. Kill one for me, will ya?"
"...Sure thing, boss." Lollyp opens the door and heads out, but hears one last thing before she goes.
"Oh, but not the mouse girl! That one's too adorable to die!"
