"Mono/Dialogue"
'Inner thoughts'
Narration
[Message/communication apparatus]
Date: 21st December 1080
Location: Safehouse Omicron, County of Toron, Victoria.
POV: Nyx
I woke up on the floor… drenched in sweat… and blood that made its mark along the corner of mouth… my eyes are hazy but never have I seen such clarity for years… My eyes trailed along the cold wooden floor, further reinforced by the freezing winter of December.
There I also saw a pool of both blood and blackish venom… my venom… they had coagulated and dried… this will be very hard to clean up. I expected the worst, but I was naïve and arrogant… Dad would be sorely disappointed with how much false bravado I put up.
I also take note of my left hand, completely chaffed off skin and there are even signs of flesh breaking… I tried touching it with my other hand…
“FUCK! AH!” A part of my flesh fell off… it just fell off… It stung, like getting a chunk of your flesh being bitten and tore away like a piece of meat… I quickly repressed it, my eyes are blurry too…
Not wasting any more time, I pulled a nearby box with medication in it. Quickly tending and bandaging it, my flesh would regenerate in time… further increasing my suspicion that I might as well be an alien… I had seen people with similar wounds, they never recovered… but I did… what the hell am I?
Lethargically I roused myself up, my throat burn in pain and discomfort while body is too exhausted. But before I even managed to fully sit up, I vomited more blood… this one is fresh… My vision grew hazy again… but I persevere…
This is just the worst of possible outcome of my routine outside of mercenary works and or doing other activities, normal activities to be precise.
I’ll have you know that even I would get sick of seeing blood 24/7… it will be too stale or even tasteless to see it so often. Thus I elected a healthier off-time of doing nothing other than normal stuff… with Arts training in the mix….
“Well enough of that…” Using that as a cue, I start stumbling forward into the bathroom, I just toughen it up. Feels like someone is boring a hole through my lungs’ too, I just stick along the wall for something to hold onto.
I still don’t understand how I didn’t smell unpleasant despite being drenched like this. I don’t have biology class in my repertoire of past lives experience, thus my knowledge on that kind of stuff is limited.
The bath never take long, I never needed to since a simple rinse here and there would be sufficient… my battlefield habit is too hard to let go… I don’t want to stay too long here while being wounded to boot….
Not to say I can’t indulge a slower and more relaxed bathing, it is just that I really need to recuperate and… analyze the video recording.
Yes, I always keep a video recorder on to better understand what the hell happened yesterday, specifically what happened during my Arts training. It was annoying at first, but you gotta do what you gotta do, not much room to compromise there anyway.
The most troublesome part after bathing is my hair… it is really a hassle to spend half an hour grooming it. I had become self-conscious about how I styled my hair, weirdly enough. Should I cut it? I don’t know but I’ll let future Nyx deal with that.
After all that is done I returned to my bedroom to pick my clothes for the day, just a pair of dark green short and t-shirt, yes my fashion sense need some more work. I take some extra measure by covering my wounded hand with more bandages that has been doused with antiseptics.
Now fully clothed, I just made a simple meal of frozen leftover yesterday. Now let us check the recording…
[Arts training Number One-Hundred-Ninety-Three, conducted in Twentieth December Ten-Eighty. Focus: Reciting poetry with arts, this is going to be the seventeenth attempt and hopefully succeeded like the fourth attempt… 1/16… or less than 7% of success… Poetry will provide more flexibility for field application.]
The video recording is starting with me taking several deep breaths and adjusting both tone and pitch to be as natural as possible. One thing I had discovered was that it took a really tight concentration to flow out my arts along with the sound.
Here is the problem, the sound is intangible and I’m having a hard time grasping its exact… how do I explain this… shape? Form? Manifestation? I will need a Leithanian for this… My training was based upon the understanding of how language core value is that of an idea and context of meaning.
The brain will search for this idea where the context of situation will give way to meaning, sounds easy enough right? Well, that has some credence I guess.
Language is always fluid, words of love can be turned into contempt, insult and provocation can be turned into adoration and respect… Thus language can be used for whatever regardless of what it supposedly mean according to the lexicon.
I ended up having a hard time to manifest it with my already occupied mind hard at work on concentration… I tried to channel my arts into something more… real, not just a mental form of manifestation… I just can’t however.
The next scene played out where I tried to recite a poetry. Just merely halfway the first line, I immediately vomited blood. It goes downhill from there and so much more…
My body can be seen to be going paler every second it continues on...
Even kneeling with part of my face covered, I can see just enough where my eyes fluttered open with tears streaming down…
The most disturbing thing is that… I can’t scream out in pain, only stuck in a kneeling position and coughing up even more blood all the while venoms starts dripping like a broken faucet…
My movement turned rigid. Hell, I can even see something akin to frostbite symptoms showing on my fingers… the now bandaged arm… Well at least the physical manifestation made some headway… yay for silver linings…
Then I starts to spasms uncontrollably, not long after that my whole body collapsed immediately…
There was that… I just lie there, unmoving…
“Hah… what time is it?”
I check a nearby clock and see that it is… 4… in the late afternoon…
“Fuck me, being unconscious from evening to late afternoon the next day… way to go Nyx, way to fucking go…”
‘I got knocked out and wounded to boot… thankfully I had notified the concerning people that I won’t take job during winter anymore… Else, I would have surely alerted my enemies with my apparent weakness while also putting myself in debt for pretty much everyone whom I tried to reach out…’
This has been going for months… but it only got worse some 3 weeks ago… Should I really just shelve it? My arts are potentially powerful, but it put such an agonizing strain I might as well not to.
These sort of training’ side effects and defects never happened in Kazimierz, only some mild discomforts here and there… but never to the point of being wounded so badly to then passing out cold.
At first I thought this was normal since dad said that late arts training can be very complex and straining. Perhaps I just collapsed due to exhaustion, which was what past me said… I really want to punch the past me…
What’s worse is that… I never told Dad about this defects, I don’t want to worry him… but he deserved to know how badly I fucked up. I would rather get yelled at rather than keep burying too many secrets with him…
‘I’m still on the fence in regards with telling him about my past lives…’
My hands are trembling when I scrolled through the contact list… I’m a real goddamn little bitch to be afraid with telling the truth… What would he think about it? Will he be afraid? Will he hate me? Will he avoid me? Will I… will I… lose his affection? Of all the things I had seen and gone through, I’m afraid to be ostracized now?
The moment I find his contact however, I just collapsed back into the couch… and coughed up some more blood… this time… the blood is black…
Date: 22nd December 1080
Location: Wladirosa, Kazimierz.
POV: Immanuel Vittorio
“The snow is always gentler than Deity Gryphenburg… I wonder how he’s doing…” I just stood near the window as I stared at the lush greenery now bathed by the soft touch of whiteness that blanketed the land.
My Tenure as one of Notarial Hall’s Field Agent and most importantly I was the Decimae Executor, Laterano equivalent of Grand Inquisitor, had made me well versed in worldly matters. Legal proceeding is of utmost priority but also maintaining Sankta’s will and order.
Decimae Executor was an archaic personal title of mine, it made more distinguishable as an Executor, like modern Executors however, we have power and autonomy of the same people.
The pope had bequeathed me with another task however, namely helping with the foundation of Lateran Legati and also as a guinea pig of Lateran diplomatic effort. It means socializing and networking with personage of power, sometime more than just personage of power.
I know several acquaintances and I also had 4 old friends… 2 of them had long died and the other pair is now somewhere in Ursus. They’re a pair of brilliant generals, one of them can turn the tide of battle by his lonesome while the other can turned a routed army into a deadly hammer of earthshattering proficiency.
But none hold a candle to the retired Azure Grand General of Great Yan. She was the one who can command an entire nation as easy as moving her own fingers. I was young back then, and I maintained my hubris with polite exterior.
I still can remember the day that Azure Grand General who was delighted with me standing up against her minor query, despite the overpowering pressure she exuded, where I stood tall and firm for I was carrying Laterano’s name and in all honesty my youth was a rather wild one.
She asked my name and I refused, further igniting her interest so she challenged me to a drinking game and the loser must deliver their home finest wine each decade as long as they are able… unsurprisingly I lost against her… Yes, unsurprisingly, that word made sense if you knew who she is.
I lost but I held out long enough for her to be impressed, thus when I finally obliged to honor my bet and then giving me my name, no longer as the Decimae Executor, she promised me that she will always remember it and any descendants or those I considered family is always welcome to come visit her personally, anytime.
The brashness of my youth was truly contradictive… on one hand, I can double as diplomats, but on the other I can shoot just a well. I’ll never understand what Yvangelista IX was thinking back then…
“Well, the festive mood will soon be here.” I swept my eyes away from the gentle white and straight towards the plaza where Knights, Villagers, and even some mobile city citizens, these people said that they’re my daughter’ fans and admirers… just what was she doing back there?
Regardless of how, it was pretty amusing when I inquire them about what they think of her, my daughter, Nyx, and the answers were… wild…
Ranging from how despite being mercenary, she can easily pass a model to the fact that she had shown up in exhibition matches and tournament all the while teaching her brand of self-defense martial arts.
I was also mortified that my daughter had injured several of her own fans, which I apologized on her behalf. Bizarrely enough, said injured people wore their injuries like badges of honor. Still doesn’t excuse her conduct thus I contacted her through my terminal and scolded her.
She was utterly meek and never interrupted me. Well enough of that, time to back on the present.
New Year is coming soon, I’m not too keen on celebration but I suppose this one is an exception where I would, if able, be attending the occasion. Housewives making hot pots and also tending around the villages, the men and women of militia corps doing works here and there.
The knights has more or less become one of us too, to the point that they offered us to move into their mobile city that is also a fortress. We declined however, but it was appreciated.
Wladirosa had changed drastically over the years, Nyx was truly a blessing for this village. I can vividly recite every single word of hers back when she had just arrived. Something tugged my heartstrings then and there…
Her teaching and practical outlook upon the subject of life had started to bear fruits, for the last 3 years several young’un had decided to take their fate into their own hands.
Nyx had trained all who wished for it to always be cautious while also maintaining the needs to hide one’s own emotion when negotiating or making decision. She had hammered caution and competition for the best result on everyone, but I had spotted several flaws in her teaching.
First and namely, she put herself as a standard of excellence unintentionally. It did made her pupils excellent but it also caused some to lose heart and their self-esteem put into question all by themselves. Her sheer presence and mask she put on only increase the intensity of her intimidation.
The next is her utterly cynical outlook on life, like the word mercy for enemy sounds so incomprehensible to her. She’s been better from what I know at the present but back then she stubbornly reasoned that letting enemy get away will only cause headache.
Her nigh-draconian teaching style, which varied from mildly gentle for kids up to being totally unforgiving and ruthless for adults, was good for soldiers, but for villagers it was too much. This was the first time I called her out for it, even though annoyed she always heeded my words…
The war had left a deep scar on us, especially the veterans who took an active part on the 72’s defense. Many were traumatized by the war, Nyx tried her best to act as temporary therapist, and she is clearly unsuitable with it.
It was surreal seeing her tried to be everything at once, but clearly only has complete mastery regarding combat or organization… I had suspected her to be an Elder Race too, but she never said anything about it and I won’t push for it.
When the Silverlances come around to honor their favor on her, at last we received the much needed mental counseling. My daughter is brilliant but I fear she would burn herself to ashes if she can’t take things slower.
Other than that, let me tell you several notable people who had sprouted and matured off their shell under her tutelage years ago.
Jan, the reserved and easygoing lad, had turned into a much more fitting persona as the de facto and de jure leader of this village. With her style of teaching on him, something Jan wholeheartedly admired, made the boy sharper against nuances and double-meanings.
She was impressed when Jan managed to force her on the back foot during a debate 5 years ago. Although hidden well, I can feel that she was mortified with Jan already surpassing her in politics merely 15 days after his first lesson.
Then we have Lina, the sweet little girl had become a rather… outgoing and… outspoken person. Since Nyx had left the village, she had become depressed for the first few weeks. However, all changed abruptly when she suddenly barged into the chapel looking for me.
Gone was any trace of the shy girl, gone was her reserved nature when it means she can reach her goal. Lina begged me to teach her how to write and speak other language, which I obliged since it is rare for such a little girl to show such eagerness.
There was… obsession seeping through her but that shouldn’t be bad, definitely… supposedly… hopefully… well the next one is none other than Radek’s daughter and Jan’ sister.
It won’t do to talk about people of interest here without including Nelka, the girl had grown to be a capable secretary despite having attended no formal education bodies or institutes. We had gotten words that she is now working in the Adeptus as civil relation officers.
She never said anything bad about working there, but I have my own network that reported her to be thoroughly underestimated and even discriminated by the mobile city denizens, after knowing she came from the countryside and work as a civil servant in the city.
My network had concisely reported to me that she doesn’t care about what people told her, performance and hard work is but par of course…
She knows how to detect danger, that’s the most important part. Being targeted 24/7 for months 8 years ago by Ursus marksmen had made her adept at protecting herself.
Her cunning hidden cunning nature had sprouted most excellently, the bastard knight assassins can’t touch her without incurring wrath of both Adeptus and Nyx. Not to mention that she herself knows how to conduct business such as cleaning up bureaucratic messes, fending off intrigue and deceit, cohesion inspection and so on.
She is on track with being promoted into secretary for Grand Master Ioleta Russel. It is both the power of personal capability and connections, heh… world always spin around like that…
Then my PT ring and with due haste my arm reach out to it. Picking it up, I can see that Nyx is calling me… Strange, she usually called me during New Year Eve only, it is me who always fuss and contacted her frequently… She never get annoyed, which is delightful.
“Ah Nyx, anything the matter?”
[Well… I guess there is one…]
“Really, then tell me. Believe in your Dad.” I can hear her chuckled on the other side.
[Always does, I’m always a good girl who listen to her Dad, right?]
“Debatable, but I suppose so.”
[Awwww… well, the problem is… my arts…” My eyes shot up in worry.
“Something wrong with it? Didn’t I advised you to not overstress it during training?”
[Yeah… that’s the thing… I… hah… the duration of how long I can keep my chant up had become very inconsistent.]
[Look, Dad, I can sometimes goes up to 3 stanzas of 4 lines, even finishing the whole thing… but now there are also days where even a single syllable will knock me out cold…]
[The latter had grown more frequent… I even… I even c-c-coughed up blood yesterday…]
“You what!? Cease your training immediately, you should not use your arts for at least 4 months at that point…”
[… Understood, I’ll le-]
“How long has it been? Don’t lie to me, something this severe won’t happen overnight.”
[… 3… 3… months…]
“Why didn’t you tell me, earlier?” I made my disappointment known, it is a harsh approach but she won’t listen otherwise.
“Arts is not something you can temper with haste, it will take time. Forcing it will only damage your internal organs, blood vessels, and even brain. Arts usage is always about tampering with reality and affecting it with our own design, but that always comes at a price… yours just so happen to be on the more extreme spectrum.”
I exhaled a little to recompose, then I continued this impromptu lecture of mine. She can take care of others but when it concerned herself, she just replied with ‘I’ll do it later, don’t worry’. I swear her nonchalance will be the death of me.
“It is admirable to better yourself, toiling for your goal with bloods, sweats, and tears are truly wonderful as a code of conduct… but you’re not a machine… Even when your physical stamina is like that of an ocean, your mental finesse, and I will not sugarcoat it, is below average… You’re advising others to not charge blindly in the dark, then what are you doing right now? Aren’t you being unreasonably hypocritical?”
[…]
The silence is enough for an answer, I don’t know what she is doing below the surface in Victoria to make her neglect her own well-being. Not only is it counterproductive but also dangerous for someone on her occupation, all it takes is one bolt in her head to make me see her cold body on my doorstep by the morrow… if I’m lucky and her enemies feels being merciful…
“Listen to me Nyx, all road that leads to hell always has good intentions along the way… You’re half-way there… And I beg you as your father and nothing else… I don’t want to lose the only daughter, one thing I can’t help but only dream to have before, in my life… ”
[… Alright, Dad…]
There was silence, but not long after I heard a chuckle from the other side. It started quietly then it pick up a pace until she finally laugh for real. I stay silent, partly worried and partly confused…
[Heh… hahaha…]
“?”
[That felt nice… as always…. I needed that… thanks dad…]
“What do you mean?”
[Your’ scolding… your’ worries… just knowing that someone cared for me… it is beyond even my most ridiculous dream… I never known who my parents were…]
A mirthless laugh was soon heard, full of euphoria and ecstasy… laced with painful agony…
[The only thing I can remember is that I kill and survive the moment these accursed legs of mine managed to walk… Well, when you think about it a monster don’t deserve to have anything else… right? Haha…]
“…”
[I mean, can’t you believed it!? I just gutted several scums 3 days ago and tie their innards around their necks! I might be able to work as a ghost for horror film. Hahahaha! When their fellows come to investigate they find their friends just hanging around the woods and just chilling!]
“…”
[Or that one time I managed to smash several underground syndicates against each other and watch as they tear themselves apart! The expression on their faces when the one that are attacking them were on their side was worthy of awards! I can even recalled a man who unknowingly stab his own brother in the back ended up sobbing amidst the melee!]
“…”
[God! I’m such a vile monster, even I don’t want to fight me you know that too, right dad!? There was also that bitch who dared plead innocence despite lynching her own neighbor and flagging false accusation. I just enjoyed seeing her accidentally slip off the cliff when we played tag!]
“…”
[Or those decrepit-shitstain-cunt-thronged-subhuman-moron-cabron-fuck slavers… I… I HATE THEM…. Heheh… hahaha *sniff*… HAHAHAHA! *sniff* HahahahaaaaaaaaaaAGHHHHHH *sobs* AAAAAAAAA!]
I can hear her cried for real, she is crying out to me… I mustered the softest voice I can… hearing her cried like this… I just can’t…
“Nyx… listen to me dear…”
[*sobs*…]
“Take a rest from mercenary activity for a few months, it’s not going to be worth it. You have your reputation to uphold, but you always said you didn’t care right? So why now? Shouldn’t you instead focus on whatever you have in mind steadily?”
[… *sobs* …]
“You must be thinking you can’t, right? Then let me rephrase it. You’re more of a hazard to everyone around you at the moment, that’s the last thing you wanted, am I understood?”
[…]
“That’s my girl, now you just lay down and rest. Don’t let the current situation furthering the cloud that pervaded your mind and judgment, the fact that you’re still capable of guilt and lashed out emotionally proved your true self, a human.”
[Dad… the… truth… please…]
“You had gone too far yes, but you had also done this because everything you had seen warranted so… but it will be better for you to not overdone it anymore, it was a good coincidence that you lost grip when you talk earlier. Imagine how bad it would be on the field?”
“You have your friends, what was his name again you keep telling me… ah yes Arkell Thomson, why don’t you confide with him? You had been helping people, no one said anything about you can’t reach out help for yourself.”
“Now, rest. I’ll not take “no” for an answer, young lady, understood?”
[Heh… yeah… yeah… thanks dad… love you…]
“Love you too.”
With that the line was disconnected.
“Goodness me, she is actually really spoiled for attention… hmm… I suppose if she wanted one, then she will have one.” Then I stand up where I sit and headed right to the plaza, the lively atmosphere give me a wonderful idea of what to do.
Arriving at the plaza, I immediately look for Jan. Once I see him, I beckon the lad to come here at the moment.
“Need something from me Chaplain Immanuel?”
“Say, can you call Nelka for me? I’ll do the talking, don't worry.”
[END OF CHAPTER]
Author’s Note:
Sup, this is me, myself, and I, the author who… uh… that thing…. Nah I forgot… Meh, if I forgot than it wasn’t all that important anyway… maybe…
Now we are back on her arts development and training which was in the back burner… Nyx failed horribly and her mental state is… as you can see.
Update as usual… I hurt my hand a little…
Ciao.
"Mono/Dialogue"
'Inner thoughts'
Narration
[Message/communication apparatus]
Date: 21st December 1080
Location: Safehouse Omicron, County of Toron, Victoria.
POV: Nyx
I woke up on the floor… drenched in sweat… and blood that made its mark along the corner of mouth… my eyes are hazy but never have I seen such clarity for years… My eyes trailed along the cold wooden floor, further reinforced by the freezing winter of December.
There I also saw a pool of both blood and blackish venom… my venom… they had coagulated and dried… this will be very hard to clean up. I expected the worst, but I was naïve and arrogant… Dad would be sorely disappointed with how much false bravado I put up.
I also take note of my left hand, completely chaffed off skin and there are even signs of flesh breaking… I tried touching it with my other hand…
“FUCK! AH!” A part of my flesh fell off… it just fell off… It stung, like getting a chunk of your flesh being bitten and tore away like a piece of meat… I quickly repressed it, my eyes are blurry too…
Not wasting any more time, I pulled a nearby box with medication in it. Quickly tending and bandaging it, my flesh would regenerate in time… further increasing my suspicion that I might as well be an alien… I had seen people with similar wounds, they never recovered… but I did… what the hell am I?
Lethargically I roused myself up, my throat burn in pain and discomfort while body is too exhausted. But before I even managed to fully sit up, I vomited more blood… this one is fresh… My vision grew hazy again… but I persevere…
This is just the worst of possible outcome of my routine outside of mercenary works and or doing other activities, normal activities to be precise.
I’ll have you know that even I would get sick of seeing blood 24/7… it will be too stale or even tasteless to see it so often. Thus I elected a healthier off-time of doing nothing other than normal stuff… with Arts training in the mix….
“Well enough of that…” Using that as a cue, I start stumbling forward into the bathroom, I just toughen it up. Feels like someone is boring a hole through my lungs’ too, I just stick along the wall for something to hold onto.
I still don’t understand how I didn’t smell unpleasant despite being drenched like this. I don’t have biology class in my repertoire of past lives experience, thus my knowledge on that kind of stuff is limited.
The bath never take long, I never needed to since a simple rinse here and there would be sufficient… my battlefield habit is too hard to let go… I don’t want to stay too long here while being wounded to boot….
Not to say I can’t indulge a slower and more relaxed bathing, it is just that I really need to recuperate and… analyze the video recording.
Yes, I always keep a video recorder on to better understand what the hell happened yesterday, specifically what happened during my Arts training. It was annoying at first, but you gotta do what you gotta do, not much room to compromise there anyway.
The most troublesome part after bathing is my hair… it is really a hassle to spend half an hour grooming it. I had become self-conscious about how I styled my hair, weirdly enough. Should I cut it? I don’t know but I’ll let future Nyx deal with that.
After all that is done I returned to my bedroom to pick my clothes for the day, just a pair of dark green short and t-shirt, yes my fashion sense need some more work. I take some extra measure by covering my wounded hand with more bandages that has been doused with antiseptics.
Now fully clothed, I just made a simple meal of frozen leftover yesterday. Now let us check the recording…
[Arts training Number One-Hundred-Ninety-Three, conducted in Twentieth December Ten-Eighty. Focus: Reciting poetry with arts, this is going to be the seventeenth attempt and hopefully succeeded like the fourth attempt… 1/16… or less than 7% of success… Poetry will provide more flexibility for field application.]
The video recording is starting with me taking several deep breaths and adjusting both tone and pitch to be as natural as possible. One thing I had discovered was that it took a really tight concentration to flow out my arts along with the sound.
Here is the problem, the sound is intangible and I’m having a hard time grasping its exact… how do I explain this… shape? Form? Manifestation? I will need a Leithanian for this… My training was based upon the understanding of how language core value is that of an idea and context of meaning.
The brain will search for this idea where the context of situation will give way to meaning, sounds easy enough right? Well, that has some credence I guess.
Language is always fluid, words of love can be turned into contempt, insult and provocation can be turned into adoration and respect… Thus language can be used for whatever regardless of what it supposedly mean according to the lexicon.
I ended up having a hard time to manifest it with my already occupied mind hard at work on concentration… I tried to channel my arts into something more… real, not just a mental form of manifestation… I just can’t however.
The next scene played out where I tried to recite a poetry. Just merely halfway the first line, I immediately vomited blood. It goes downhill from there and so much more…
My body can be seen to be going paler every second it continues on...
Even kneeling with part of my face covered, I can see just enough where my eyes fluttered open with tears streaming down…
The most disturbing thing is that… I can’t scream out in pain, only stuck in a kneeling position and coughing up even more blood all the while venoms starts dripping like a broken faucet…
My movement turned rigid. Hell, I can even see something akin to frostbite symptoms showing on my fingers… the now bandaged arm… Well at least the physical manifestation made some headway… yay for silver linings…
Then I starts to spasms uncontrollably, not long after that my whole body collapsed immediately…
There was that… I just lie there, unmoving…
“Hah… what time is it?”
I check a nearby clock and see that it is… 4… in the late afternoon…
“Fuck me, being unconscious from evening to late afternoon the next day… way to go Nyx, way to fucking go…”
‘I got knocked out and wounded to boot… thankfully I had notified the concerning people that I won’t take job during winter anymore… Else, I would have surely alerted my enemies with my apparent weakness while also putting myself in debt for pretty much everyone whom I tried to reach out…’
This has been going for months… but it only got worse some 3 weeks ago… Should I really just shelve it? My arts are potentially powerful, but it put such an agonizing strain I might as well not to.
These sort of training’ side effects and defects never happened in Kazimierz, only some mild discomforts here and there… but never to the point of being wounded so badly to then passing out cold.
At first I thought this was normal since dad said that late arts training can be very complex and straining. Perhaps I just collapsed due to exhaustion, which was what past me said… I really want to punch the past me…
What’s worse is that… I never told Dad about this defects, I don’t want to worry him… but he deserved to know how badly I fucked up. I would rather get yelled at rather than keep burying too many secrets with him…
‘I’m still on the fence in regards with telling him about my past lives…’
My hands are trembling when I scrolled through the contact list… I’m a real goddamn little bitch to be afraid with telling the truth… What would he think about it? Will he be afraid? Will he hate me? Will he avoid me? Will I… will I… lose his affection? Of all the things I had seen and gone through, I’m afraid to be ostracized now?
The moment I find his contact however, I just collapsed back into the couch… and coughed up some more blood… this time… the blood is black…
Date: 22nd December 1080
Location: Wladirosa, Kazimierz.
POV: Immanuel Vittorio
“The snow is always gentler than Deity Gryphenburg… I wonder how he’s doing…” I just stood near the window as I stared at the lush greenery now bathed by the soft touch of whiteness that blanketed the land.
My Tenure as one of Notarial Hall’s Field Agent and most importantly I was the Decimae Executor, Laterano equivalent of Grand Inquisitor, had made me well versed in worldly matters. Legal proceeding is of utmost priority but also maintaining Sankta’s will and order.
Decimae Executor was an archaic personal title of mine, it made more distinguishable as an Executor, like modern Executors however, we have power and autonomy of the same people.
The pope had bequeathed me with another task however, namely helping with the foundation of Lateran Legati and also as a guinea pig of Lateran diplomatic effort. It means socializing and networking with personage of power, sometime more than just personage of power.
I know several acquaintances and I also had 4 old friends… 2 of them had long died and the other pair is now somewhere in Ursus. They’re a pair of brilliant generals, one of them can turn the tide of battle by his lonesome while the other can turned a routed army into a deadly hammer of earthshattering proficiency.
But none hold a candle to the retired Azure Grand General of Great Yan. She was the one who can command an entire nation as easy as moving her own fingers. I was young back then, and I maintained my hubris with polite exterior.
I still can remember the day that Azure Grand General who was delighted with me standing up against her minor query, despite the overpowering pressure she exuded, where I stood tall and firm for I was carrying Laterano’s name and in all honesty my youth was a rather wild one.
She asked my name and I refused, further igniting her interest so she challenged me to a drinking game and the loser must deliver their home finest wine each decade as long as they are able… unsurprisingly I lost against her… Yes, unsurprisingly, that word made sense if you knew who she is.
I lost but I held out long enough for her to be impressed, thus when I finally obliged to honor my bet and then giving me my name, no longer as the Decimae Executor, she promised me that she will always remember it and any descendants or those I considered family is always welcome to come visit her personally, anytime.
The brashness of my youth was truly contradictive… on one hand, I can double as diplomats, but on the other I can shoot just a well. I’ll never understand what Yvangelista IX was thinking back then…
“Well, the festive mood will soon be here.” I swept my eyes away from the gentle white and straight towards the plaza where Knights, Villagers, and even some mobile city citizens, these people said that they’re my daughter’ fans and admirers… just what was she doing back there?
Regardless of how, it was pretty amusing when I inquire them about what they think of her, my daughter, Nyx, and the answers were… wild…
Ranging from how despite being mercenary, she can easily pass a model to the fact that she had shown up in exhibition matches and tournament all the while teaching her brand of self-defense martial arts.
I was also mortified that my daughter had injured several of her own fans, which I apologized on her behalf. Bizarrely enough, said injured people wore their injuries like badges of honor. Still doesn’t excuse her conduct thus I contacted her through my terminal and scolded her.
She was utterly meek and never interrupted me. Well enough of that, time to back on the present.
New Year is coming soon, I’m not too keen on celebration but I suppose this one is an exception where I would, if able, be attending the occasion. Housewives making hot pots and also tending around the villages, the men and women of militia corps doing works here and there.
The knights has more or less become one of us too, to the point that they offered us to move into their mobile city that is also a fortress. We declined however, but it was appreciated.
Wladirosa had changed drastically over the years, Nyx was truly a blessing for this village. I can vividly recite every single word of hers back when she had just arrived. Something tugged my heartstrings then and there…
Her teaching and practical outlook upon the subject of life had started to bear fruits, for the last 3 years several young’un had decided to take their fate into their own hands.
Nyx had trained all who wished for it to always be cautious while also maintaining the needs to hide one’s own emotion when negotiating or making decision. She had hammered caution and competition for the best result on everyone, but I had spotted several flaws in her teaching.
First and namely, she put herself as a standard of excellence unintentionally. It did made her pupils excellent but it also caused some to lose heart and their self-esteem put into question all by themselves. Her sheer presence and mask she put on only increase the intensity of her intimidation.
The next is her utterly cynical outlook on life, like the word mercy for enemy sounds so incomprehensible to her. She’s been better from what I know at the present but back then she stubbornly reasoned that letting enemy get away will only cause headache.
Her nigh-draconian teaching style, which varied from mildly gentle for kids up to being totally unforgiving and ruthless for adults, was good for soldiers, but for villagers it was too much. This was the first time I called her out for it, even though annoyed she always heeded my words…
The war had left a deep scar on us, especially the veterans who took an active part on the 72’s defense. Many were traumatized by the war, Nyx tried her best to act as temporary therapist, and she is clearly unsuitable with it.
It was surreal seeing her tried to be everything at once, but clearly only has complete mastery regarding combat or organization… I had suspected her to be an Elder Race too, but she never said anything about it and I won’t push for it.
When the Silverlances come around to honor their favor on her, at last we received the much needed mental counseling. My daughter is brilliant but I fear she would burn herself to ashes if she can’t take things slower.
Other than that, let me tell you several notable people who had sprouted and matured off their shell under her tutelage years ago.
Jan, the reserved and easygoing lad, had turned into a much more fitting persona as the de facto and de jure leader of this village. With her style of teaching on him, something Jan wholeheartedly admired, made the boy sharper against nuances and double-meanings.
She was impressed when Jan managed to force her on the back foot during a debate 5 years ago. Although hidden well, I can feel that she was mortified with Jan already surpassing her in politics merely 15 days after his first lesson.
Then we have Lina, the sweet little girl had become a rather… outgoing and… outspoken person. Since Nyx had left the village, she had become depressed for the first few weeks. However, all changed abruptly when she suddenly barged into the chapel looking for me.
Gone was any trace of the shy girl, gone was her reserved nature when it means she can reach her goal. Lina begged me to teach her how to write and speak other language, which I obliged since it is rare for such a little girl to show such eagerness.
There was… obsession seeping through her but that shouldn’t be bad, definitely… supposedly… hopefully… well the next one is none other than Radek’s daughter and Jan’ sister.
It won’t do to talk about people of interest here without including Nelka, the girl had grown to be a capable secretary despite having attended no formal education bodies or institutes. We had gotten words that she is now working in the Adeptus as civil relation officers.
She never said anything bad about working there, but I have my own network that reported her to be thoroughly underestimated and even discriminated by the mobile city denizens, after knowing she came from the countryside and work as a civil servant in the city.
My network had concisely reported to me that she doesn’t care about what people told her, performance and hard work is but par of course…
She knows how to detect danger, that’s the most important part. Being targeted 24/7 for months 8 years ago by Ursus marksmen had made her adept at protecting herself.
Her cunning hidden cunning nature had sprouted most excellently, the bastard knight assassins can’t touch her without incurring wrath of both Adeptus and Nyx. Not to mention that she herself knows how to conduct business such as cleaning up bureaucratic messes, fending off intrigue and deceit, cohesion inspection and so on.
She is on track with being promoted into secretary for Grand Master Ioleta Russel. It is both the power of personal capability and connections, heh… world always spin around like that…
Then my PT ring and with due haste my arm reach out to it. Picking it up, I can see that Nyx is calling me… Strange, she usually called me during New Year Eve only, it is me who always fuss and contacted her frequently… She never get annoyed, which is delightful.
“Ah Nyx, anything the matter?”
[Well… I guess there is one…]
“Really, then tell me. Believe in your Dad.” I can hear her chuckled on the other side.
[Always does, I’m always a good girl who listen to her Dad, right?]
“Debatable, but I suppose so.”
[Awwww… well, the problem is… my arts…” My eyes shot up in worry.
“Something wrong with it? Didn’t I advised you to not overstress it during training?”
[Yeah… that’s the thing… I… hah… the duration of how long I can keep my chant up had become very inconsistent.]
[Look, Dad, I can sometimes goes up to 3 stanzas of 4 lines, even finishing the whole thing… but now there are also days where even a single syllable will knock me out cold…]
[The latter had grown more frequent… I even… I even c-c-coughed up blood yesterday…]
“You what!? Cease your training immediately, you should not use your arts for at least 4 months at that point…”
[… Understood, I’ll le-]
“How long has it been? Don’t lie to me, something this severe won’t happen overnight.”
[… 3… 3… months…]
“Why didn’t you tell me, earlier?” I made my disappointment known, it is a harsh approach but she won’t listen otherwise.
“Arts is not something you can temper with haste, it will take time. Forcing it will only damage your internal organs, blood vessels, and even brain. Arts usage is always about tampering with reality and affecting it with our own design, but that always comes at a price… yours just so happen to be on the more extreme spectrum.”
I exhaled a little to recompose, then I continued this impromptu lecture of mine. She can take care of others but when it concerned herself, she just replied with ‘I’ll do it later, don’t worry’. I swear her nonchalance will be the death of me.
“It is admirable to better yourself, toiling for your goal with bloods, sweats, and tears are truly wonderful as a code of conduct… but you’re not a machine… Even when your physical stamina is like that of an ocean, your mental finesse, and I will not sugarcoat it, is below average… You’re advising others to not charge blindly in the dark, then what are you doing right now? Aren’t you being unreasonably hypocritical?”
[…]
The silence is enough for an answer, I don’t know what she is doing below the surface in Victoria to make her neglect her own well-being. Not only is it counterproductive but also dangerous for someone on her occupation, all it takes is one bolt in her head to make me see her cold body on my doorstep by the morrow… if I’m lucky and her enemies feels being merciful…
“Listen to me Nyx, all road that leads to hell always has good intentions along the way… You’re half-way there… And I beg you as your father and nothing else… I don’t want to lose the only daughter, one thing I can’t help but only dream to have before, in my life… ”
[… Alright, Dad…]
There was silence, but not long after I heard a chuckle from the other side. It started quietly then it pick up a pace until she finally laugh for real. I stay silent, partly worried and partly confused…
[Heh… hahaha…]
“?”
[That felt nice… as always…. I needed that… thanks dad…]
“What do you mean?”
[Your’ scolding… your’ worries… just knowing that someone cared for me… it is beyond even my most ridiculous dream… I never known who my parents were…]
A mirthless laugh was soon heard, full of euphoria and ecstasy… laced with painful agony…
[The only thing I can remember is that I kill and survive the moment these accursed legs of mine managed to walk… Well, when you think about it a monster don’t deserve to have anything else… right? Haha…]
“…”
[I mean, can’t you believed it!? I just gutted several scums 3 days ago and tie their innards around their necks! I might be able to work as a ghost for horror film. Hahahaha! When their fellows come to investigate they find their friends just hanging around the woods and just chilling!]
“…”
[Or that one time I managed to smash several underground syndicates against each other and watch as they tear themselves apart! The expression on their faces when the one that are attacking them were on their side was worthy of awards! I can even recalled a man who unknowingly stab his own brother in the back ended up sobbing amidst the melee!]
“…”
[God! I’m such a vile monster, even I don’t want to fight me you know that too, right dad!? There was also that bitch who dared plead innocence despite lynching her own neighbor and flagging false accusation. I just enjoyed seeing her accidentally slip off the cliff when we played tag!]
“…”
[Or those decrepit-shitstain-cunt-thronged-subhuman-moron-cabron-fuck slavers… I… I HATE THEM…. Heheh… hahaha *sniff*… HAHAHAHA! *sniff* HahahahaaaaaaaaaaAGHHHHHH *sobs* AAAAAAAAA!]
I can hear her cried for real, she is crying out to me… I mustered the softest voice I can… hearing her cried like this… I just can’t…
“Nyx… listen to me dear…”
[*sobs*…]
“Take a rest from mercenary activity for a few months, it’s not going to be worth it. You have your reputation to uphold, but you always said you didn’t care right? So why now? Shouldn’t you instead focus on whatever you have in mind steadily?”
[… *sobs* …]
“You must be thinking you can’t, right? Then let me rephrase it. You’re more of a hazard to everyone around you at the moment, that’s the last thing you wanted, am I understood?”
[…]
“That’s my girl, now you just lay down and rest. Don’t let the current situation furthering the cloud that pervaded your mind and judgment, the fact that you’re still capable of guilt and lashed out emotionally proved your true self, a human.”
[Dad… the… truth… please…]
“You had gone too far yes, but you had also done this because everything you had seen warranted so… but it will be better for you to not overdone it anymore, it was a good coincidence that you lost grip when you talk earlier. Imagine how bad it would be on the field?”
“You have your friends, what was his name again you keep telling me… ah yes Arkell Thomson, why don’t you confide with him? You had been helping people, no one said anything about you can’t reach out help for yourself.”
“Now, rest. I’ll not take “no” for an answer, young lady, understood?”
[Heh… yeah… yeah… thanks dad… love you…]
“Love you too.”
With that the line was disconnected.
“Goodness me, she is actually really spoiled for attention… hmm… I suppose if she wanted one, then she will have one.” Then I stand up where I sit and headed right to the plaza, the lively atmosphere give me a wonderful idea of what to do.
Arriving at the plaza, I immediately look for Jan. Once I see him, I beckon the lad to come here at the moment.
“Need something from me Chaplain Immanuel?”
“Say, can you call Nelka for me? I’ll do the talking, don't worry.”
[END OF CHAPTER]
Author’s Note:
Sup, this is me, myself, and I, the author who… uh… that thing…. Nah I forgot… Meh, if I forgot than it wasn’t all that important anyway… maybe…
Now we are back on her arts development and training which was in the back burner… Nyx failed horribly and her mental state is… as you can see.
Update as usual… I hurt my hand a little…
Ciao.
