During the time when his eyes were covered, fragments flashed through Sheng Xia’s mind.
He had actually gotten used to the blur, unable to see far away, only able to see what was close to him, which was enough for him. After all, he asked for very little.
The room had Shi Ye’s smell, which was familiar to him… the kind of bitterness in his memory, a bit like wine mixed with Chinese medicine. If anger had a color, Sheng Xia felt that the current Shi Ye should be red.
Losing sight, for many people, was not a pleasant experience, causing confusion and fear. But strangely, Sheng Xia didn’t feel so panicked when he couldn’t see Shi Ye; when he couldn’t see, he could start to feel the person in front of him.
The bitter taste, the slightly hoarse voice, calluses on the fingers, sweat, and some other, more subtle and elusive things—Shi Ye’s emotions and colors.
At first, it was red, then dark red, then blue, and finally golden red, the color of the sun.
Sheng Xia had been daydreaming. It took him about a minute to digest what Shi Ye had expressed in his previous sentence before he slowly said, “Ge, do you only want to do this with me?”
Then the world lit up.
The hand covering his bright eyes moved to his ears, rubbed them, and then let go.
Shi Ye in his line of sight said to him, “Then what else do you think we can do? There’s nothing else between us.”
While others perceive emotions, they first feel and then perceive, but Sheng Xia often acted contrary to others, especially when facing Shi Ye. His physical reactions were always faster than his feelings of joy, anger, sadness, and happiness, and he would only realize he was sad after his eyes started to feel sore.
“Sometimes I feel like we have nothing, sometimes I feel like we have a lot,” he started to answer Shi Ye’s question seriously, “if you count it, I’ve known you for almost ten years, but the time I’ve spent with you face to face and talking to you doesn’t add up to more than two months. Strangely enough, you’ve always been changing me, influencing me, and bringing me here. I feel… I’ve always been in contact with you, in ways you don’t know.”
After saying that, Sheng Xia started to undress. Because he was holding his breath, he undressed quickly, without any hesitation. After unbuttoning the shirt and taking it off, he stood up to take off his pants.
Shi Ye didn’t expect himself to make a mistake in judgment. According to the script in his mind, Sheng Xia should have been frightened or struggled like before, pushing him away. It shouldn’t have been like it is now… confidently taking off his clothes, as if daring him to do something.
Shi Ye thought to himself, am I crazy? Why do I become as foolish as him whenever something related to him comes up? Why did I bring him into the house? Why did I make him undress?
Sheng Xia quickly removed all his clothes, leaving only his underwear, and stood in front of Shi Ye. His skin was as white as if it was glowing, and his black hair contrasted sharply against it. His body was really beautiful, with a youthful freshness, well-proportioned and clean, his skin fair and tender, the kind of body that easily aroused desire.
This body that easily provoked wild thoughts stood there for a moment, then slowly knelt down in front of himself, asking him, “Ge, should I take it out for you?”
His face was facing Shi Ye’s crotch, where desire was erect.
Sheng Xia’s tone was actually flat, his usual indifferent tone. He always seemed careless when talking to others, only a little more cautious when talking to himself. Strangely, Shi Ye inexplicably sensed some sarcasm and ridicule in that sentence.
He didn’t dare to look at Sheng Xia’s expression. He only remembered trembling with anger, as if grabbing Sheng Xia’s hair and lifting him up, shouting at him in frustration, “Put your clothes back on—”
Sheng Xia was stunned for a moment by the outburst, finding it amusing but also somewhat resigned. “You told me to take them off.”
“If I tell you to take it off, you’ll just do it? If someone else tells you to take it off, you’ll do it too?” Shi Ye knew he was being tactless, but he found it hard to control his emotions with Sheng Xia. “Put them back on.”
Sheng Xia stubbornly stared at Shi Ye. Although he couldn’t see clearly, his eyes were bright, easily making Shi Ye feel exposed. Few people could meet Shi Ye’s gaze like this, but Sheng Xia always did, sometimes making Shi Ye feel like he was being pierced by his eyes.
“I don’t know why you always get angry because of me. Before, when I didn’t listen to you, you were angry. Now, I try to listen to you as much as possible, but you’re still always angry,” Sheng Xia paused. “I can’t seem to do anything right by you.”
Shi Ye didn’t want to say much anymore. His mind was filled with strange impulses he couldn’t understand, and it wasn’t the right time to talk. Whatever he said now would just sound foolish in retrospect.
After calming down a bit, his rational conscience returned somewhat. He moved closer, trembling as he helped Sheng Xia put on his clothes.
“It’s not that you’re wrong, it’s that I’m wrong. I was wrong. I shouldn’t talk to you, shouldn’t look at you, shouldn’t care about you,” Shi Ye squatted down to button up Sheng Xia’s shirt, thinking to himself that once he finished buttoning it, it would be over, “You’ve aged a few years, but the more you live, the more you regress. Now you cry at the drop of a hat, take off your clothes whenever asked. Did Beijing’s smog make you lose your mind?”
Sheng Xia kept staring at Shi Ye’s fingers. He started to drift off again.
There was a small tattoo on the back of Shi Ye’s right ring finger, a symbol of a rest note.
He stared at the tattoo for a long time and randomly said, “Ge, just now you were golden, very dazzling and hot, it made my eyes hurt. Before that, you turned angry red, and you also turned a bit gentle with a hint of azure. Now you’ve turned orange…”
Shi Ye struggled with the buttons, feeling a bit impatient with his words. “Am I a chameleon to you, changing colors for your amusement?”
“You’re not a chameleon, more like a colorful candy box,” Sheng Xia paused, covering the rest note with his hand. Then he knelt down again and hugged Shi Ye’s legs tightly. “Ge, be with me… or if you want to do something with me, you can, even if it’s not sleeping with me. Just hold me… just one hug from you, and I’ll leave.”
Shi Ye closed his eyes, his tone unusually constrained. “Get up.”
“Ge…” Sheng Xia’s speech gradually accelerated, “I’m not regressing, I’m moving forward. I came here from home to find you, to have the courage to show you some of my progress after working hard… I thought I was ready, so I came… Even though I might still be foolish, eccentric… but I still want to find you.”
Shi Ye repeated for the second time, “Get up.”
Sheng Xia felt like he must have been crying.
His eyes felt sore, like they were burning, and his voice unconsciously took on a crying tone. “Ge, do you really hate me that much?”
After saying this, Sheng Xia felt Shi Ye’s color change again. This time it was different from before. The color was shifting gradually, somewhat like a rainy dusk, damp orange, gradually approaching pure black. It started to deepen, to become dangerous.
Shi Ye remained silent for a while before saying, “Alright, if it’s what you want, when we’re done, we owe each other nothing, okay?”
Sheng Xia couldn’t answer anything else. He just said, “Ge, hold me.”
In the end, he wasn’t lifted up; instead, Shi Ye pinched the back of his neck and collar, lifting him up
He was only as tall as Shi Ye’s shoulders, his gaze only reaching the open skin of the other. He could feel himself trembling, unsure if it was out of fear or excitement. The white shirt was taken off and put on, taken off again, and finally completely removed, tossed aside. He was held naked.
He tried to touch Shi Ye’s shoulder with his face. When Shi Ye didn’t move, he tried to hug the other’s neck. It was different from before; this time it was a real hug, flesh against flesh, the skin not warm, but scorching.
Sheng Xia felt Shi Ye’s color change again, darker and deeper, almost turning into ink black. He was continuously drawn in by that blackness, being touched dazedly, lifted onto the lap, legs parted. He was actually a bit scared; Shi Ye didn’t even give him a kiss, just asked him to spread his legs and lift his waist.
Shi Ye casually opened a cabinet and took out some vaseline. His hands used to playing the guitar often got injured and bled, and those calluses would get dry and itchy in winter. It was something he kept for winter, but this was the first time using it on Sheng Xia.
“Ge,” Sheng Xia leaned in and said, “Others usually kiss before doing this.”
“If you’re good, I’ll kiss you,” Shi Ye put his finger near Sheng Xia’s lips, “Lick.”
Sheng Xia’s mouth was indeed attractive. Shi Ye often thought when watching him speak or sing that it would probably feel comfortable to have it in his mouth, and it wouldn’t be bad to use it to swallow other things. It was quite a powerful mouth, capable of singing, eating, swallowing other things, and hurting oneself. Now he was really obedient, doing whatever he was told, although it didn’t make Shi Ye happy at all.
He probably just didn’t want to make him angry, so he licked earnestly. He licked between his fingers, over his palm, and Shi Ye saw Sheng Xia’s ears getting redder, probably feeling embarrassed.
The hand licked clean by Sheng Xia dug out a piece of vaseline, mixed with the lubricant from his saliva, and finally entered his own body. At first, only two fingers were inserted. When he started to blush and hum, Shi Ye asked, “Scared?”
Actually, he was scared. It was his first time being invaded like this, so he was nervous. He felt like he must look very amateur right now, too rushed and unprepared.
But Shi Ye remained calm and composed, seemingly seeing through everything about him, knowing what he was thinking, worrying about, and feeling embarrassed about. If it weren’t for being able to feel the part under him getting hard, just looking at his expression, Sheng Xia would feel that Shi Ye wasn’t playing with him, but playing the guitar on stage, just like his usual indifferent and casual demeanor.
He couldn’t help but say to Shi Ye, “Not afraid. Ge… even if you don’t like me, I’m willing to sleep with you.”
Shi Ye’s movements paused for a moment, and then Sheng Xia felt Shi Ye’s mood change from a dark black to an angry red.
“Shut up,” Shi Ye’s voice didn’t sound too happy either, “Stop talking.”
Things felt a bit awkward after getting used to it. Shi Ye’s fingers were rough on the inside, pressing and rubbing, causing an itchy and numb sensation inside. He couldn’t help but start scratching Shi Ye’s sweaty back. At first, it was uncomfortable, but then he scratched lightly, because it felt good. It felt abnormally good. His legs grew weaker, he started sweating, and he felt Shi Ye kneading his butt.
The stretching and lubricating went on for too long, so long that Sheng Xia felt it was torturing himself. He just lay on Shi Ye’s legs, legs spread wide open, while fingers kept thrusting in and out repeatedly. At first, he endured without making a sound, but as it got hotter and hotter, he began to moan intermittently. The area where he reacted was pressed against Shi Ye’s leg, he didn’t dare to touch it, just gently rubbed against it, swaying his hips to match the movements of Shi Ye’s fingers.
The color changed again. Sheng Xia saw Shi Ye turn into a warm orange, with a hint of gold, the color of gentle sunlight, flowing over his body like comfortable water, enveloping him.
It seemed like some kind of order was collapsing.
“Ge,” Sheng Xia couldn’t help it, his voice trembling, “come in. I haven’t been with anyone else, I won’t, you can do whatever you want.”
He didn’t want kisses anymore, anyway, Shi Ye was holding him, they were facing each other naked, with each other’s bodily fluids and sweat on them, whether there were kisses or not didn’t matter.
“No, it’s your first time,” Shi Ye’s voice was very low, “It needs to be slow.”
Sheng Xia clung to Shi Ye’s shoulders, his mind dizzy from the fingers that were covered in calluses. He couldn’t tell where he was, he felt like he couldn’t breathe, he could only open his mouth and start calling out, as if he had been calling Shi Ye’s name all along, and there were a few sounds like calling out ge affectionately.
The old wall in front of him was mottled, with some old posters on it. The one facing Sheng Xia was of Nirvana, with Cobain standing in the middle with vacant eyes, seemingly without a smile, yet also seeming to smile, with his usual indifference and arrogance, looking at them.
A sense of uncertainty floating instantly enveloped him, Sheng Xia looked into the eyes of the rock singer he liked, and finally bent his waist, crying out, “Ge… I feel so uncomfortable… please come in..”
Shi Ye didn’t listen, his hands were still moving.
Sheng Xia’s body was very beautiful, fair and slender, and when he was held, he was very obedient, a body that easily aroused desire.
But he was too fair, a light scratch would leave a red mark, a bite would leave a mark. Shi Ye counted the kiss marks he left on Sheng Xia’s shoulders, there were only six now, not even in double digits yet.
“Then tell me first,” Shi Ye kissed Sheng Xia’s earlobe, gently sucking on it, feeling his tone was still gentle, “What’s hanging around your neck?”
Sheng Xia had a somewhat strange-looking necklace hanging around his neck, tightly wound in circles by something, with a black pick hanging in the middle, it looked very old.
Sheng Xia hesitated for a moment before saying intermittently, “It’s… the strings you changed in Dali back then. I wrapped them into a necklace, and the middle is the pick you used.”
This time Shi Ye was truly stunned for a long time.
He was probably bewitched by something, he felt himself softening again. Everything that was happening was telling him to give up, they had come this far, just let it be.
So he pinched the back of Sheng Xia’s neck, with the warmth of summer, deeply kissed Sheng Xia who was slightly open, as if waiting for his own lips.
It was sweet, it seemed like there was still the taste of the chocolate cone they had eaten before. When Shi Ye truly held Sheng Xia’s lips and tongue, he unexpectedly had the illusion as if they had never missed each other, everything was still stuck in that summer four years ago.
Even though this was their first kiss.
Sheng Xia was too inexperienced. His expression, movements, and panting all showed his nervousness and eagerness to please.
Shi Ye felt that everything was happening because of instinct. He followed his instincts and lifted the person onto the bed where he had slept as a child, spread Sheng Xia’s legs apart, revealing the part that had been teased by fingers for a long time, and then instinctively thrusting deeply, starting to stimulate the person beneath him.
In that moment of being enveloped, his scalp tingled, and then this soft, beautiful body that belonged to Sheng Xia started trembling, clutching his waist. Because the foreplay had been too long, as soon as he entered fully, Sheng Xia trembled and ejaculated, whimpering almost unconsciously, “Ge…”
“You’re usually slow, but now you’re sensitive,” Shi Ye’s tone was soothing, he slowly rubbed Sheng Xia’s thighs, feeling the moisture brought out between them.
“Ge…, I feel dizzy.”
Shi Ye seemed to be smiling, slowly asking him, “Does it feel good?”
Sheng Xia was sweating all over. He was enveloped in Shi Ye’s scent on the bed, feeling like he was being thrown into hot water, both comfortable and uncomfortable.
Shi Ye withdrew, panting heavily, and lifted the limp Sheng Xia to the head of the bed, kneeling beside him, pinching his nipples and starting to thrust forcefully again, each thrust deep and fast. Sheng Xia’s upper body lay on the piano, the piano was in chaos. Shi Ye sucked on his cheek for a moment, then asked again, “Does it feel good?”
“…Slower…” Sheng Xia followed his instincts to evade, although it was useless, “I’m so hot, ge.”
Shi Ye repeatedly sucked on Sheng Xia’s neck, this was the 12th kiss mark. When Sheng Xia was shaken all over by being thrust, Shi Ye pinched his waist and said, “Have you ever thought about doing this with me?”
He wanted to dodge, but had no strength. Every time Shi Ye pushed against his waist, he felt his body go soft, sinking inward. He couldn’t even kneel properly, only able to half-lean on the piano at the head of the bed with his legs spread wide, being manipulated. Shi Ye’s hands never left him, teasing him like a game. Soon, that area began to feel sore and swollen, and Shi Ye chuckled, “Feels good, huh?”
“Ge.. don’t push there…” Sheng Xia started to panic, his voice trembling, “It’s really sore.”
“Alright.” After Shi Ye agreed, he immediately started thrusting relentlessly into that sensitive spot Sheng Xia didn’t want him to touch. Sheng Xia couldn’t endure such vigorous stimulation; he wanted to plead, but every time he tried to speak, he could only whimper, and the more he whimpered, the harder Shi Ye thrust.
The sound of their lovemaking was louder than the piano. Sheng Xia, crying softly, tried to suck on Shi Ye’s fingers, licking away at the calluses, fingerprints, sweat, and his own taste.
As Shi Ye entered him, it seemed like Shi Ye was quite interested in his body, exploring every inch with his hands, applying a bit of pressure as he touched, his palms sweaty as they moved from shoulders to hips, dampening the legs, even the feet… Sheng Xia couldn’t control himself; he felt hotter and tighter down there, and he could feel a thick, hot presence expanding and filling him up.
He wanted to please Shi Ye, so he raised his hips and sucked on Shi Ye’s fingers the way he imagined a debauched person would, but it seemed ineffective. Sheng Xia felt something was wrong; he thought he should be easy to handle like this, but Shi Ye seemed unhappy. His emotions shifted from golden to a displeased dark red, and he even said, “You’re quite interesting.”
Sheng Xia didn’t understand why Shi Ye always seemed angry at him.
Then Shi Ye flipped him over, pressing him down onto the piano. He received a kiss from Shi Ye, starting from his eyes and then moving down to his mouth. The rhythm below made his body weak and dizzy, but all he felt was the kisses, still slightly bitter, somewhat like the unripe fruit of early summer.
But he could feel his body accepting everything from Shi Ye—his emotions, sweat, strength, desires, even colors and memories. He relaxed his legs to welcome it all, shaking as Shi Ye thrust into him. Soon, he climaxed again, his cries and moans muffled by Shi Ye’s kisses, unheard by anyone else.
They were pinned together, tightly. Sheng Xia shook with each orgasm, hallucinating… He couldn’t see Shi Ye’s emotions anymore; the blacks, reds, and deep blues had all vanished. This time, all he saw was a colorful mess, swirling together, still glowing.
When Shi Ye ejaculated inside him, Sheng Xia received another passionate kiss.
Dazed, he nibbled on Shi Ye’s upper lip, inhaling Shi Ye’s scent. It felt like oxygen to him—warm and distinct. In the midst of the fading colors in his mind, he seemed to hear something. As consciousness slowly returned, he saw Shi Ye’s face, eyes, black hair, and the small scar on his forehead.
He tried to entwine his legs with Shi Ye’s, then cautiously snuggled closer to him. The bed beneath them was in disarray, soaked from their activities, and Sheng Xia noticed the crumpled sheet music on the bed, some of it even fluttering to the floor.
He heard the song playing downstairs from a small shop, Luo Dayou’s “Childhood”. Aside from the singing, there was the chirping of cicadas and the cries of children. Strangely, he hadn’t noticed these sounds before.
“The banyan tree by the pond, cicadas sing about summer.”
Shi Ye looked at him, his eyes seemingly affectionate but mostly indifferent.
“The swing by the playground, only butterflies land there.”
Shi Ye’s voice sounded somewhat weary.
“I’m turning thirty this year; I don’t have the time to play mind games.”
The song was loud, and Shi Ye’s voice was barely audible, overshadowed by the music, but Sheng Xia could hear him clearly.
“I’m not a good person. You know I’ll do these things to you, make a mess of you, but you still come.”
“Day after day, year after year, longing for a childhood to grow up.”
The afternoon light was somewhat dim and yellow, still warm. Sheng Xia, feeling dizzy, heard Shi Ye’s brief outburst and warning. They were still entwined, and he still had Shi Ye’s semi-erect member in him, while downstairs, the song “Childhood” continued to play.
“In so many days, staring at the sky alone.”
Shi Ye seemed to find this scene contrasting, and he briefly lowered his head, smiling. They were engaging in such activities upstairs, while downstairs, adults sang about childhood for children.
He tousled Sheng Xia’s hair. “I really want to strangle you right now, but I also want to force you to say you won’t leave me no matter what in the future. Am I crazy?”
“Daydreaming, curiosity, and loneliness in childhood.”
Sheng Xia reached out to touch Shi Ye’s sweaty back. He felt Shi Ye wasn’t happy right now, and he needed some kind of assurance from him.
He was actually very uncomfortable—his head was spinning, he was tired, and he felt uncomfortable down there. But after thinking for a moment, he softly replied, “Ge, I’m willing for both.”
In the gap while Shi Ye was distracted, he managed to slip in another question cautiously, “Ge, are you coming again?”
During the time when his eyes were covered, fragments flashed through Sheng Xia’s mind.
He had actually gotten used to the blur, unable to see far away, only able to see what was close to him, which was enough for him. After all, he asked for very little.
The room had Shi Ye’s smell, which was familiar to him… the kind of bitterness in his memory, a bit like wine mixed with Chinese medicine. If anger had a color, Sheng Xia felt that the current Shi Ye should be red.
Losing sight, for many people, was not a pleasant experience, causing confusion and fear. But strangely, Sheng Xia didn’t feel so panicked when he couldn’t see Shi Ye; when he couldn’t see, he could start to feel the person in front of him.
The bitter taste, the slightly hoarse voice, calluses on the fingers, sweat, and some other, more subtle and elusive things—Shi Ye’s emotions and colors.
At first, it was red, then dark red, then blue, and finally golden red, the color of the sun.
Sheng Xia had been daydreaming. It took him about a minute to digest what Shi Ye had expressed in his previous sentence before he slowly said, “Ge, do you only want to do this with me?”
Then the world lit up.
The hand covering his bright eyes moved to his ears, rubbed them, and then let go.
Shi Ye in his line of sight said to him, “Then what else do you think we can do? There’s nothing else between us.”
While others perceive emotions, they first feel and then perceive, but Sheng Xia often acted contrary to others, especially when facing Shi Ye. His physical reactions were always faster than his feelings of joy, anger, sadness, and happiness, and he would only realize he was sad after his eyes started to feel sore.
“Sometimes I feel like we have nothing, sometimes I feel like we have a lot,” he started to answer Shi Ye’s question seriously, “if you count it, I’ve known you for almost ten years, but the time I’ve spent with you face to face and talking to you doesn’t add up to more than two months. Strangely enough, you’ve always been changing me, influencing me, and bringing me here. I feel… I’ve always been in contact with you, in ways you don’t know.”
After saying that, Sheng Xia started to undress. Because he was holding his breath, he undressed quickly, without any hesitation. After unbuttoning the shirt and taking it off, he stood up to take off his pants.
Shi Ye didn’t expect himself to make a mistake in judgment. According to the script in his mind, Sheng Xia should have been frightened or struggled like before, pushing him away. It shouldn’t have been like it is now… confidently taking off his clothes, as if daring him to do something.
Shi Ye thought to himself, am I crazy? Why do I become as foolish as him whenever something related to him comes up? Why did I bring him into the house? Why did I make him undress?
Sheng Xia quickly removed all his clothes, leaving only his underwear, and stood in front of Shi Ye. His skin was as white as if it was glowing, and his black hair contrasted sharply against it. His body was really beautiful, with a youthful freshness, well-proportioned and clean, his skin fair and tender, the kind of body that easily aroused desire.
This body that easily provoked wild thoughts stood there for a moment, then slowly knelt down in front of himself, asking him, “Ge, should I take it out for you?”
His face was facing Shi Ye’s crotch, where desire was erect.
Sheng Xia’s tone was actually flat, his usual indifferent tone. He always seemed careless when talking to others, only a little more cautious when talking to himself. Strangely, Shi Ye inexplicably sensed some sarcasm and ridicule in that sentence.
He didn’t dare to look at Sheng Xia’s expression. He only remembered trembling with anger, as if grabbing Sheng Xia’s hair and lifting him up, shouting at him in frustration, “Put your clothes back on—”
Sheng Xia was stunned for a moment by the outburst, finding it amusing but also somewhat resigned. “You told me to take them off.”
“If I tell you to take it off, you’ll just do it? If someone else tells you to take it off, you’ll do it too?” Shi Ye knew he was being tactless, but he found it hard to control his emotions with Sheng Xia. “Put them back on.”
Sheng Xia stubbornly stared at Shi Ye. Although he couldn’t see clearly, his eyes were bright, easily making Shi Ye feel exposed. Few people could meet Shi Ye’s gaze like this, but Sheng Xia always did, sometimes making Shi Ye feel like he was being pierced by his eyes.
“I don’t know why you always get angry because of me. Before, when I didn’t listen to you, you were angry. Now, I try to listen to you as much as possible, but you’re still always angry,” Sheng Xia paused. “I can’t seem to do anything right by you.”
Shi Ye didn’t want to say much anymore. His mind was filled with strange impulses he couldn’t understand, and it wasn’t the right time to talk. Whatever he said now would just sound foolish in retrospect.
After calming down a bit, his rational conscience returned somewhat. He moved closer, trembling as he helped Sheng Xia put on his clothes.
“It’s not that you’re wrong, it’s that I’m wrong. I was wrong. I shouldn’t talk to you, shouldn’t look at you, shouldn’t care about you,” Shi Ye squatted down to button up Sheng Xia’s shirt, thinking to himself that once he finished buttoning it, it would be over, “You’ve aged a few years, but the more you live, the more you regress. Now you cry at the drop of a hat, take off your clothes whenever asked. Did Beijing’s smog make you lose your mind?”
Sheng Xia kept staring at Shi Ye’s fingers. He started to drift off again.
There was a small tattoo on the back of Shi Ye’s right ring finger, a symbol of a rest note.
He stared at the tattoo for a long time and randomly said, “Ge, just now you were golden, very dazzling and hot, it made my eyes hurt. Before that, you turned angry red, and you also turned a bit gentle with a hint of azure. Now you’ve turned orange…”
Shi Ye struggled with the buttons, feeling a bit impatient with his words. “Am I a chameleon to you, changing colors for your amusement?”
“You’re not a chameleon, more like a colorful candy box,” Sheng Xia paused, covering the rest note with his hand. Then he knelt down again and hugged Shi Ye’s legs tightly. “Ge, be with me… or if you want to do something with me, you can, even if it’s not sleeping with me. Just hold me… just one hug from you, and I’ll leave.”
Shi Ye closed his eyes, his tone unusually constrained. “Get up.”
“Ge…” Sheng Xia’s speech gradually accelerated, “I’m not regressing, I’m moving forward. I came here from home to find you, to have the courage to show you some of my progress after working hard… I thought I was ready, so I came… Even though I might still be foolish, eccentric… but I still want to find you.”
Shi Ye repeated for the second time, “Get up.”
Sheng Xia felt like he must have been crying.
His eyes felt sore, like they were burning, and his voice unconsciously took on a crying tone. “Ge, do you really hate me that much?”
After saying this, Sheng Xia felt Shi Ye’s color change again. This time it was different from before. The color was shifting gradually, somewhat like a rainy dusk, damp orange, gradually approaching pure black. It started to deepen, to become dangerous.
Shi Ye remained silent for a while before saying, “Alright, if it’s what you want, when we’re done, we owe each other nothing, okay?”
Sheng Xia couldn’t answer anything else. He just said, “Ge, hold me.”
In the end, he wasn’t lifted up; instead, Shi Ye pinched the back of his neck and collar, lifting him up
He was only as tall as Shi Ye’s shoulders, his gaze only reaching the open skin of the other. He could feel himself trembling, unsure if it was out of fear or excitement. The white shirt was taken off and put on, taken off again, and finally completely removed, tossed aside. He was held naked.
He tried to touch Shi Ye’s shoulder with his face. When Shi Ye didn’t move, he tried to hug the other’s neck. It was different from before; this time it was a real hug, flesh against flesh, the skin not warm, but scorching.
Sheng Xia felt Shi Ye’s color change again, darker and deeper, almost turning into ink black. He was continuously drawn in by that blackness, being touched dazedly, lifted onto the lap, legs parted. He was actually a bit scared; Shi Ye didn’t even give him a kiss, just asked him to spread his legs and lift his waist.
Shi Ye casually opened a cabinet and took out some vaseline. His hands used to playing the guitar often got injured and bled, and those calluses would get dry and itchy in winter. It was something he kept for winter, but this was the first time using it on Sheng Xia.
“Ge,” Sheng Xia leaned in and said, “Others usually kiss before doing this.”
“If you’re good, I’ll kiss you,” Shi Ye put his finger near Sheng Xia’s lips, “Lick.”
Sheng Xia’s mouth was indeed attractive. Shi Ye often thought when watching him speak or sing that it would probably feel comfortable to have it in his mouth, and it wouldn’t be bad to use it to swallow other things. It was quite a powerful mouth, capable of singing, eating, swallowing other things, and hurting oneself. Now he was really obedient, doing whatever he was told, although it didn’t make Shi Ye happy at all.
He probably just didn’t want to make him angry, so he licked earnestly. He licked between his fingers, over his palm, and Shi Ye saw Sheng Xia’s ears getting redder, probably feeling embarrassed.
The hand licked clean by Sheng Xia dug out a piece of vaseline, mixed with the lubricant from his saliva, and finally entered his own body. At first, only two fingers were inserted. When he started to blush and hum, Shi Ye asked, “Scared?”
Actually, he was scared. It was his first time being invaded like this, so he was nervous. He felt like he must look very amateur right now, too rushed and unprepared.
But Shi Ye remained calm and composed, seemingly seeing through everything about him, knowing what he was thinking, worrying about, and feeling embarrassed about. If it weren’t for being able to feel the part under him getting hard, just looking at his expression, Sheng Xia would feel that Shi Ye wasn’t playing with him, but playing the guitar on stage, just like his usual indifferent and casual demeanor.
He couldn’t help but say to Shi Ye, “Not afraid. Ge… even if you don’t like me, I’m willing to sleep with you.”
Shi Ye’s movements paused for a moment, and then Sheng Xia felt Shi Ye’s mood change from a dark black to an angry red.
“Shut up,” Shi Ye’s voice didn’t sound too happy either, “Stop talking.”
Things felt a bit awkward after getting used to it. Shi Ye’s fingers were rough on the inside, pressing and rubbing, causing an itchy and numb sensation inside. He couldn’t help but start scratching Shi Ye’s sweaty back. At first, it was uncomfortable, but then he scratched lightly, because it felt good. It felt abnormally good. His legs grew weaker, he started sweating, and he felt Shi Ye kneading his butt.
The stretching and lubricating went on for too long, so long that Sheng Xia felt it was torturing himself. He just lay on Shi Ye’s legs, legs spread wide open, while fingers kept thrusting in and out repeatedly. At first, he endured without making a sound, but as it got hotter and hotter, he began to moan intermittently. The area where he reacted was pressed against Shi Ye’s leg, he didn’t dare to touch it, just gently rubbed against it, swaying his hips to match the movements of Shi Ye’s fingers.
The color changed again. Sheng Xia saw Shi Ye turn into a warm orange, with a hint of gold, the color of gentle sunlight, flowing over his body like comfortable water, enveloping him.
It seemed like some kind of order was collapsing.
“Ge,” Sheng Xia couldn’t help it, his voice trembling, “come in. I haven’t been with anyone else, I won’t, you can do whatever you want.”
He didn’t want kisses anymore, anyway, Shi Ye was holding him, they were facing each other naked, with each other’s bodily fluids and sweat on them, whether there were kisses or not didn’t matter.
“No, it’s your first time,” Shi Ye’s voice was very low, “It needs to be slow.”
Sheng Xia clung to Shi Ye’s shoulders, his mind dizzy from the fingers that were covered in calluses. He couldn’t tell where he was, he felt like he couldn’t breathe, he could only open his mouth and start calling out, as if he had been calling Shi Ye’s name all along, and there were a few sounds like calling out ge affectionately.
The old wall in front of him was mottled, with some old posters on it. The one facing Sheng Xia was of Nirvana, with Cobain standing in the middle with vacant eyes, seemingly without a smile, yet also seeming to smile, with his usual indifference and arrogance, looking at them.
A sense of uncertainty floating instantly enveloped him, Sheng Xia looked into the eyes of the rock singer he liked, and finally bent his waist, crying out, “Ge… I feel so uncomfortable… please come in..”
Shi Ye didn’t listen, his hands were still moving.
Sheng Xia’s body was very beautiful, fair and slender, and when he was held, he was very obedient, a body that easily aroused desire.
But he was too fair, a light scratch would leave a red mark, a bite would leave a mark. Shi Ye counted the kiss marks he left on Sheng Xia’s shoulders, there were only six now, not even in double digits yet.
“Then tell me first,” Shi Ye kissed Sheng Xia’s earlobe, gently sucking on it, feeling his tone was still gentle, “What’s hanging around your neck?”
Sheng Xia had a somewhat strange-looking necklace hanging around his neck, tightly wound in circles by something, with a black pick hanging in the middle, it looked very old.
Sheng Xia hesitated for a moment before saying intermittently, “It’s… the strings you changed in Dali back then. I wrapped them into a necklace, and the middle is the pick you used.”
This time Shi Ye was truly stunned for a long time.
He was probably bewitched by something, he felt himself softening again. Everything that was happening was telling him to give up, they had come this far, just let it be.
So he pinched the back of Sheng Xia’s neck, with the warmth of summer, deeply kissed Sheng Xia who was slightly open, as if waiting for his own lips.
It was sweet, it seemed like there was still the taste of the chocolate cone they had eaten before. When Shi Ye truly held Sheng Xia’s lips and tongue, he unexpectedly had the illusion as if they had never missed each other, everything was still stuck in that summer four years ago.
Even though this was their first kiss.
Sheng Xia was too inexperienced. His expression, movements, and panting all showed his nervousness and eagerness to please.
Shi Ye felt that everything was happening because of instinct. He followed his instincts and lifted the person onto the bed where he had slept as a child, spread Sheng Xia’s legs apart, revealing the part that had been teased by fingers for a long time, and then instinctively thrusting deeply, starting to stimulate the person beneath him.
In that moment of being enveloped, his scalp tingled, and then this soft, beautiful body that belonged to Sheng Xia started trembling, clutching his waist. Because the foreplay had been too long, as soon as he entered fully, Sheng Xia trembled and ejaculated, whimpering almost unconsciously, “Ge…”
“You’re usually slow, but now you’re sensitive,” Shi Ye’s tone was soothing, he slowly rubbed Sheng Xia’s thighs, feeling the moisture brought out between them.
“Ge…, I feel dizzy.”
Shi Ye seemed to be smiling, slowly asking him, “Does it feel good?”
Sheng Xia was sweating all over. He was enveloped in Shi Ye’s scent on the bed, feeling like he was being thrown into hot water, both comfortable and uncomfortable.
Shi Ye withdrew, panting heavily, and lifted the limp Sheng Xia to the head of the bed, kneeling beside him, pinching his nipples and starting to thrust forcefully again, each thrust deep and fast. Sheng Xia’s upper body lay on the piano, the piano was in chaos. Shi Ye sucked on his cheek for a moment, then asked again, “Does it feel good?”
“…Slower…” Sheng Xia followed his instincts to evade, although it was useless, “I’m so hot, ge.”
Shi Ye repeatedly sucked on Sheng Xia’s neck, this was the 12th kiss mark. When Sheng Xia was shaken all over by being thrust, Shi Ye pinched his waist and said, “Have you ever thought about doing this with me?”
He wanted to dodge, but had no strength. Every time Shi Ye pushed against his waist, he felt his body go soft, sinking inward. He couldn’t even kneel properly, only able to half-lean on the piano at the head of the bed with his legs spread wide, being manipulated. Shi Ye’s hands never left him, teasing him like a game. Soon, that area began to feel sore and swollen, and Shi Ye chuckled, “Feels good, huh?”
“Ge.. don’t push there…” Sheng Xia started to panic, his voice trembling, “It’s really sore.”
“Alright.” After Shi Ye agreed, he immediately started thrusting relentlessly into that sensitive spot Sheng Xia didn’t want him to touch. Sheng Xia couldn’t endure such vigorous stimulation; he wanted to plead, but every time he tried to speak, he could only whimper, and the more he whimpered, the harder Shi Ye thrust.
The sound of their lovemaking was louder than the piano. Sheng Xia, crying softly, tried to suck on Shi Ye’s fingers, licking away at the calluses, fingerprints, sweat, and his own taste.
As Shi Ye entered him, it seemed like Shi Ye was quite interested in his body, exploring every inch with his hands, applying a bit of pressure as he touched, his palms sweaty as they moved from shoulders to hips, dampening the legs, even the feet… Sheng Xia couldn’t control himself; he felt hotter and tighter down there, and he could feel a thick, hot presence expanding and filling him up.
He wanted to please Shi Ye, so he raised his hips and sucked on Shi Ye’s fingers the way he imagined a debauched person would, but it seemed ineffective. Sheng Xia felt something was wrong; he thought he should be easy to handle like this, but Shi Ye seemed unhappy. His emotions shifted from golden to a displeased dark red, and he even said, “You’re quite interesting.”
Sheng Xia didn’t understand why Shi Ye always seemed angry at him.
Then Shi Ye flipped him over, pressing him down onto the piano. He received a kiss from Shi Ye, starting from his eyes and then moving down to his mouth. The rhythm below made his body weak and dizzy, but all he felt was the kisses, still slightly bitter, somewhat like the unripe fruit of early summer.
But he could feel his body accepting everything from Shi Ye—his emotions, sweat, strength, desires, even colors and memories. He relaxed his legs to welcome it all, shaking as Shi Ye thrust into him. Soon, he climaxed again, his cries and moans muffled by Shi Ye’s kisses, unheard by anyone else.
They were pinned together, tightly. Sheng Xia shook with each orgasm, hallucinating… He couldn’t see Shi Ye’s emotions anymore; the blacks, reds, and deep blues had all vanished. This time, all he saw was a colorful mess, swirling together, still glowing.
When Shi Ye ejaculated inside him, Sheng Xia received another passionate kiss.
Dazed, he nibbled on Shi Ye’s upper lip, inhaling Shi Ye’s scent. It felt like oxygen to him—warm and distinct. In the midst of the fading colors in his mind, he seemed to hear something. As consciousness slowly returned, he saw Shi Ye’s face, eyes, black hair, and the small scar on his forehead.
He tried to entwine his legs with Shi Ye’s, then cautiously snuggled closer to him. The bed beneath them was in disarray, soaked from their activities, and Sheng Xia noticed the crumpled sheet music on the bed, some of it even fluttering to the floor.
He heard the song playing downstairs from a small shop, Luo Dayou’s “Childhood”. Aside from the singing, there was the chirping of cicadas and the cries of children. Strangely, he hadn’t noticed these sounds before.
“The banyan tree by the pond, cicadas sing about summer.”
Shi Ye looked at him, his eyes seemingly affectionate but mostly indifferent.
“The swing by the playground, only butterflies land there.”
Shi Ye’s voice sounded somewhat weary.
“I’m turning thirty this year; I don’t have the time to play mind games.”
The song was loud, and Shi Ye’s voice was barely audible, overshadowed by the music, but Sheng Xia could hear him clearly.
“I’m not a good person. You know I’ll do these things to you, make a mess of you, but you still come.”
“Day after day, year after year, longing for a childhood to grow up.”
The afternoon light was somewhat dim and yellow, still warm. Sheng Xia, feeling dizzy, heard Shi Ye’s brief outburst and warning. They were still entwined, and he still had Shi Ye’s semi-erect member in him, while downstairs, the song “Childhood” continued to play.
“In so many days, staring at the sky alone.”
Shi Ye seemed to find this scene contrasting, and he briefly lowered his head, smiling. They were engaging in such activities upstairs, while downstairs, adults sang about childhood for children.
He tousled Sheng Xia’s hair. “I really want to strangle you right now, but I also want to force you to say you won’t leave me no matter what in the future. Am I crazy?”
“Daydreaming, curiosity, and loneliness in childhood.”
Sheng Xia reached out to touch Shi Ye’s sweaty back. He felt Shi Ye wasn’t happy right now, and he needed some kind of assurance from him.
He was actually very uncomfortable—his head was spinning, he was tired, and he felt uncomfortable down there. But after thinking for a moment, he softly replied, “Ge, I’m willing for both.”
In the gap while Shi Ye was distracted, he managed to slip in another question cautiously, “Ge, are you coming again?”
