Shi Ye felt he had overestimated himself.
At first, he told himself he could, he could treat Sheng Xia as an insignificant person, as a band member he could cooperate with, and even try to see him as an ordinary friend… But everything that happened in these past few days made him realize that it was impossible.
During a red light, he glanced at the person silently eating an ice cream cone next to him, then wearily withdrew his gaze.
Sheng Xia gnawed on the chocolate cone for a while before finishing it. He didn’t ask Shi Ye where they were going, seemingly indifferent. After eating, he started to zone out, occasionally sneaking glances at Shi Ye, then continuing to daydream.
“I’m going to a friend’s place tonight for something. He’s participating in a program next month and asked me to accompany him. You’re coming with me,” Shi Ye thought he might as well talk about something productive, “You don’t know many people in the circle, so I’ll try to introduce you to some.”
“I…” Sheng Xia originally wanted to say he didn’t want to meet new people, but then he thought since Shi Ye was taking him, it wouldn’t hurt. So he changed his tone, “Okay, I’ll go.”
Later, seeing Shi Ye didn’t intend to talk to him, Sheng Xia took out a notebook from his bag, placed it on his lap, and began to write and draw.
Shi Ye was absent-minded, driving back to his place.
It was an old house where his parents used to live before going abroad, now left vacant for him to live alone.
It was in quite an old neighborhood, so old that it might be demolished in a few years. Shi Ye even had trouble installing an air conditioner because of various wiring issues. Everything in this neighborhood was retro, and living here was inconvenient. In fact, he had bought a nice apartment in the city center, but after living there for a while, he still preferred this old house. He wasn’t very particular about his lifestyle, dealing with many trivial matters just to get by. However… It was a bit hard to endure in the summer.
Since that incident, Shi Ye had been annoyed by the summer. The sun was scorching, the temperature rising, and the days getting longer… Whenever he was enveloped by Sheng Xia’s presence, he would feel dizzy, as if he were suffering from heatstroke every day, feeling nauseous and suffocated. It was like being drunk, like drowning… The summer air was volatile and fragmented, making him dizzy.
And all this irritability stemmed from the person next to him named Sheng Xia.
Shi Ye sighed, closed his eyes, and pulled out the car keys from the ignition.
“We still have a few hours until evening. I’m going home to take a shower. You can go wherever you want. I don’t feel like dropping you off. Be here at seven, and I’ll take you to meet someone.”
He got out of the car after saying this. Once Sheng Xia also got out and locked the car, he turned and walked away.
Sheng Xia watched Shi Ye’s departing figure, seemingly still processing and contemplating. But it was only for a few seconds. He instinctively followed suit, taking steps to catch up.
The neighborhood wasn’t large. Shi Ye passed by a convenience store on the ground floor, and a few kids were playing under the shade of trees with ice cream and jump ropes. An elderly man saw him from afar and shouted, “Xiao Shi Ye.” Shi Ye’s mood worsened, and he responded half-heartedly.
He distractedly listened to the footsteps behind him, feeling like he was on the verge of losing control.
With each step, the fire in his heart surged higher, starting from his chest, burning, burning, burning, first raising his body temperature, then making his veins bulge, burning into his limbs, organs, and finally even affecting his rationality.
He reached the entrance of the building and finally couldn’t bear it anymore, but he didn’t turn around.
He looked at the empty hallway in front of him, with rust stains on the iron railing, and asked the person behind him, “Why are you following me?”
Sheng Xia also stopped behind him. He didn’t dare to get too close, keeping a safe distance between them. Shi Ye stood in the cool shade of the hallway, and he stood in the sunlight outside the hallway, casting one bright and one dark shadow.
After thinking for a moment, Sheng Xia looked at his own shadow and said, “I don’t know where to go. I… I’ll just wait for you at your doorstep. I won’t bother you.”
Shi Ye still didn’t turn around. But he clenched his fists tighter, almost unable to hold back his racing heartbeat.
“How do you know you won’t bother me?”
Sheng Xia was startled by Shi Ye’s sudden question.
After a moment of thought and a furrowed brow, he glanced at Shi Ye’s back and intended to turn and leave. “Then I’ll go…”
He didn’t finish his sentence. The next moment, the Shi Ye in front of him suddenly turned around, strode over, and grabbed him by the back of his neck, lifting him up and heading upstairs.
Shi Ye was nearly six feet tall, with large strides, almost dragging the somewhat slender Sheng Xia up the stairs.
Sheng Xia still held onto his notebook, his body dominated by Shi Ye’s violent actions… He didn’t dare to move, let alone resist, and didn’t dare to say a word throughout the process.
When he almost stumbled on the steps, Shi Ye briefly embraced him, but then, finding him too slow and sluggish, he stooped down and grabbed his legs, lifting him up and carrying him upstairs.
The third floor wasn’t very high, and Shi Ye ascended quickly. Sheng Xia’s hands were left hanging in the air, his fingers slightly curled, looking somewhat panicked. Before he could react, he was already carried into the house by Shi Ye.
Shi Ye took him straight to his room and threw him onto the bed.
Shi Ye seemed genuinely angry, not paying attention to how forcefully he threw Sheng Xia. Sheng Xia’s head hit the piano built into the bed frame, his feet bumped into the guitar lying on the side of the bed, and his butt seemed to press against a few scattered music scores.
The sound of the instruments being bumped seemed to reflect Shi Ye’s anger, sharp and urgent, piercing to the ears.
But it was only for a moment.
Sheng Xia was stunned for a moment, then started to tremble slightly, reaching out to touch the piano keys at the head of the bed.
He was still dazed, and in this unfamiliar environment, only the familiar piano gave him some sense of security. When he touched the familiar black and white keys, he felt a bit calmer.
Shi Ye folded his arms, nodded towards the piano at the head of the bed, and asked, “Familiar?”
Sheng Xia nodded slowly.
“I had it installed here after returning to Beijing. There’s a piano by your bedside, learning from Freddie Anne. I often dream of that day, you lying on the bed, playing ‘Universe’ blindly. After waking up, I often think about that scene, thinking about your face.”
“Shi Ye, ge…”
“Feel accomplished?” Shi Ye interrupted him, his voice light but cold. “Are you happy?”
Sheng Xia was bewildered by Shi Ye’s expression, and instinctively shook his head, “No, I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it…”
He knelt on the bed, tentatively trying to pull Shi Ye’s clothes… Shi Ye almost instantly waved his hand away.
Then Shi Ye took a step closer, firmly grasped his chin.
Shi Ye’s voice was very harsh, “I’m asking you, what do you want to do now?”
Shi Ye saw Sheng Xia’s eyes starting to redden again, and his anger surged up instantly. Unable to hold back, he shouted, “Stop it! Don’t cry!”
Sheng Xia was stunned by his shout, feeling both scared and wronged.
Shi Ye still held onto his chin.
Afraid that the other would see his red eyes and become annoyed, Sheng Xia reached out and held Shi Ye’s hand, slowly prying apart the fingers that were covered with calluses from playing the guitar, flattening them out, and then burying his face in them.
Shi Ye was left feeling like all his anger had dissipated into cotton. Then he heard Sheng Xia mumble in his palm, “You can hit me, but don’t be angry with me ge.”
“I get angry when I see you, I can’t control it.” Sheng Xia’s lashes made his palm itch. Shi Ye suddenly found his tone softening, “I’ve been reasoning with you all along, telling you to stay away from me, but you don’t listen to me.”
“I listened, but I can’t do it.” Sheng Xia almost blurted out, “I can’t control it.”
Shi Ye thought, it’s quite a coincidence, he couldn’t control it either.
As Sheng Xia spoke, his lips repeatedly brushed against Shi Yu’s fingertips, as if kissing the calluses on his fingers.
Shi Ye could feel his palm sweating, becoming increasingly warm and damp, but he couldn’t tell if it was just sweat or if it was mixed with Sheng Xia’s tears.
His arm started to numb from holding it up for too long. He lost control of that hand, the sensation lingering on the kissed fingertips, the mouth too soft. He could even imagine the shape of that mouth opening and closing, a kind of beauty that made one want to destroy it.
He felt a bit dizzy and confused. But he was helpless against Sheng Xia, unable to scold him, as if no matter what, he was the one suffering.
Shi Ye took a deep breath and steadied his voice, saying, “Now, answer my question. I ask, you answer.”
Only when he saw Sheng Xia nodding his head in his hand did he ask, “Are you here for the band or for me?”
That mouth kissed his fingertips again before saying, “For you.”
As soon as Sheng Xia finished speaking, Shi Ye noticed his own arousal.
Perhaps it was because the face lying in his hand felt too soft, or perhaps the kissing gesture was too tender.
Shi Ye felt hot.
“At the time, the reasons you gave me were inexplicable,” Shi Ye struggled to keep his voice steady, “You said you never thought I would like you, you never thought it was me, you couldn’t figure it out… A bunch of nonsensical reasons that I found absurd for four years. Let me ask you, are you planning to slip away from me again with these reasons?”
As he spoke, he started unbuttoning his own shirt.
The mouth kissed Shi Ye’s fingertips again, speaking slowly, “No, I’ve… figured it out.”
Shi Ye felt his breathing become heavier.
He looked at Sheng Xia’s black hair and asked, “Do you understand what I want to do to you now?”
Sheng Xia’s current posture made Shi Ye think too much.
Kneeling on his bed, holding his hand, his voice was very soft and cautious, with some piety and trust. Shi Ye looked at his exposed skin, too white, making his temples throb.
That mouth opened and closed, kissing his fingertips as it said, “Yes.”
“Good, I’m done asking.”
After unbuttoning his shirt, Shi Ye removed the obstructing pants.
On his other hand was Sheng Xia’s face.
Shi Ye moved his hand to touch Sheng Xia’s eyes and said, “Undress yourself.”
Shi Ye felt he had overestimated himself.
At first, he told himself he could, he could treat Sheng Xia as an insignificant person, as a band member he could cooperate with, and even try to see him as an ordinary friend… But everything that happened in these past few days made him realize that it was impossible.
During a red light, he glanced at the person silently eating an ice cream cone next to him, then wearily withdrew his gaze.
Sheng Xia gnawed on the chocolate cone for a while before finishing it. He didn’t ask Shi Ye where they were going, seemingly indifferent. After eating, he started to zone out, occasionally sneaking glances at Shi Ye, then continuing to daydream.
“I’m going to a friend’s place tonight for something. He’s participating in a program next month and asked me to accompany him. You’re coming with me,” Shi Ye thought he might as well talk about something productive, “You don’t know many people in the circle, so I’ll try to introduce you to some.”
“I…” Sheng Xia originally wanted to say he didn’t want to meet new people, but then he thought since Shi Ye was taking him, it wouldn’t hurt. So he changed his tone, “Okay, I’ll go.”
Later, seeing Shi Ye didn’t intend to talk to him, Sheng Xia took out a notebook from his bag, placed it on his lap, and began to write and draw.
Shi Ye was absent-minded, driving back to his place.
It was an old house where his parents used to live before going abroad, now left vacant for him to live alone.
It was in quite an old neighborhood, so old that it might be demolished in a few years. Shi Ye even had trouble installing an air conditioner because of various wiring issues. Everything in this neighborhood was retro, and living here was inconvenient. In fact, he had bought a nice apartment in the city center, but after living there for a while, he still preferred this old house. He wasn’t very particular about his lifestyle, dealing with many trivial matters just to get by. However… It was a bit hard to endure in the summer.
Since that incident, Shi Ye had been annoyed by the summer. The sun was scorching, the temperature rising, and the days getting longer… Whenever he was enveloped by Sheng Xia’s presence, he would feel dizzy, as if he were suffering from heatstroke every day, feeling nauseous and suffocated. It was like being drunk, like drowning… The summer air was volatile and fragmented, making him dizzy.
And all this irritability stemmed from the person next to him named Sheng Xia.
Shi Ye sighed, closed his eyes, and pulled out the car keys from the ignition.
“We still have a few hours until evening. I’m going home to take a shower. You can go wherever you want. I don’t feel like dropping you off. Be here at seven, and I’ll take you to meet someone.”
He got out of the car after saying this. Once Sheng Xia also got out and locked the car, he turned and walked away.
Sheng Xia watched Shi Ye’s departing figure, seemingly still processing and contemplating. But it was only for a few seconds. He instinctively followed suit, taking steps to catch up.
The neighborhood wasn’t large. Shi Ye passed by a convenience store on the ground floor, and a few kids were playing under the shade of trees with ice cream and jump ropes. An elderly man saw him from afar and shouted, “Xiao Shi Ye.” Shi Ye’s mood worsened, and he responded half-heartedly.
He distractedly listened to the footsteps behind him, feeling like he was on the verge of losing control.
With each step, the fire in his heart surged higher, starting from his chest, burning, burning, burning, first raising his body temperature, then making his veins bulge, burning into his limbs, organs, and finally even affecting his rationality.
He reached the entrance of the building and finally couldn’t bear it anymore, but he didn’t turn around.
He looked at the empty hallway in front of him, with rust stains on the iron railing, and asked the person behind him, “Why are you following me?”
Sheng Xia also stopped behind him. He didn’t dare to get too close, keeping a safe distance between them. Shi Ye stood in the cool shade of the hallway, and he stood in the sunlight outside the hallway, casting one bright and one dark shadow.
After thinking for a moment, Sheng Xia looked at his own shadow and said, “I don’t know where to go. I… I’ll just wait for you at your doorstep. I won’t bother you.”
Shi Ye still didn’t turn around. But he clenched his fists tighter, almost unable to hold back his racing heartbeat.
“How do you know you won’t bother me?”
Sheng Xia was startled by Shi Ye’s sudden question.
After a moment of thought and a furrowed brow, he glanced at Shi Ye’s back and intended to turn and leave. “Then I’ll go…”
He didn’t finish his sentence. The next moment, the Shi Ye in front of him suddenly turned around, strode over, and grabbed him by the back of his neck, lifting him up and heading upstairs.
Shi Ye was nearly six feet tall, with large strides, almost dragging the somewhat slender Sheng Xia up the stairs.
Sheng Xia still held onto his notebook, his body dominated by Shi Ye’s violent actions… He didn’t dare to move, let alone resist, and didn’t dare to say a word throughout the process.
When he almost stumbled on the steps, Shi Ye briefly embraced him, but then, finding him too slow and sluggish, he stooped down and grabbed his legs, lifting him up and carrying him upstairs.
The third floor wasn’t very high, and Shi Ye ascended quickly. Sheng Xia’s hands were left hanging in the air, his fingers slightly curled, looking somewhat panicked. Before he could react, he was already carried into the house by Shi Ye.
Shi Ye took him straight to his room and threw him onto the bed.
Shi Ye seemed genuinely angry, not paying attention to how forcefully he threw Sheng Xia. Sheng Xia’s head hit the piano built into the bed frame, his feet bumped into the guitar lying on the side of the bed, and his butt seemed to press against a few scattered music scores.
The sound of the instruments being bumped seemed to reflect Shi Ye’s anger, sharp and urgent, piercing to the ears.
But it was only for a moment.
Sheng Xia was stunned for a moment, then started to tremble slightly, reaching out to touch the piano keys at the head of the bed.
He was still dazed, and in this unfamiliar environment, only the familiar piano gave him some sense of security. When he touched the familiar black and white keys, he felt a bit calmer.
Shi Ye folded his arms, nodded towards the piano at the head of the bed, and asked, “Familiar?”
Sheng Xia nodded slowly.
“I had it installed here after returning to Beijing. There’s a piano by your bedside, learning from Freddie Anne. I often dream of that day, you lying on the bed, playing ‘Universe’ blindly. After waking up, I often think about that scene, thinking about your face.”
“Shi Ye, ge…”
“Feel accomplished?” Shi Ye interrupted him, his voice light but cold. “Are you happy?”
Sheng Xia was bewildered by Shi Ye’s expression, and instinctively shook his head, “No, I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it…”
He knelt on the bed, tentatively trying to pull Shi Ye’s clothes… Shi Ye almost instantly waved his hand away.
Then Shi Ye took a step closer, firmly grasped his chin.
Shi Ye’s voice was very harsh, “I’m asking you, what do you want to do now?”
Shi Ye saw Sheng Xia’s eyes starting to redden again, and his anger surged up instantly. Unable to hold back, he shouted, “Stop it! Don’t cry!”
Sheng Xia was stunned by his shout, feeling both scared and wronged.
Shi Ye still held onto his chin.
Afraid that the other would see his red eyes and become annoyed, Sheng Xia reached out and held Shi Ye’s hand, slowly prying apart the fingers that were covered with calluses from playing the guitar, flattening them out, and then burying his face in them.
Shi Ye was left feeling like all his anger had dissipated into cotton. Then he heard Sheng Xia mumble in his palm, “You can hit me, but don’t be angry with me ge.”
“I get angry when I see you, I can’t control it.” Sheng Xia’s lashes made his palm itch. Shi Ye suddenly found his tone softening, “I’ve been reasoning with you all along, telling you to stay away from me, but you don’t listen to me.”
“I listened, but I can’t do it.” Sheng Xia almost blurted out, “I can’t control it.”
Shi Ye thought, it’s quite a coincidence, he couldn’t control it either.
As Sheng Xia spoke, his lips repeatedly brushed against Shi Yu’s fingertips, as if kissing the calluses on his fingers.
Shi Ye could feel his palm sweating, becoming increasingly warm and damp, but he couldn’t tell if it was just sweat or if it was mixed with Sheng Xia’s tears.
His arm started to numb from holding it up for too long. He lost control of that hand, the sensation lingering on the kissed fingertips, the mouth too soft. He could even imagine the shape of that mouth opening and closing, a kind of beauty that made one want to destroy it.
He felt a bit dizzy and confused. But he was helpless against Sheng Xia, unable to scold him, as if no matter what, he was the one suffering.
Shi Ye took a deep breath and steadied his voice, saying, “Now, answer my question. I ask, you answer.”
Only when he saw Sheng Xia nodding his head in his hand did he ask, “Are you here for the band or for me?”
That mouth kissed his fingertips again before saying, “For you.”
As soon as Sheng Xia finished speaking, Shi Ye noticed his own arousal.
Perhaps it was because the face lying in his hand felt too soft, or perhaps the kissing gesture was too tender.
Shi Ye felt hot.
“At the time, the reasons you gave me were inexplicable,” Shi Ye struggled to keep his voice steady, “You said you never thought I would like you, you never thought it was me, you couldn’t figure it out… A bunch of nonsensical reasons that I found absurd for four years. Let me ask you, are you planning to slip away from me again with these reasons?”
As he spoke, he started unbuttoning his own shirt.
The mouth kissed Shi Ye’s fingertips again, speaking slowly, “No, I’ve… figured it out.”
Shi Ye felt his breathing become heavier.
He looked at Sheng Xia’s black hair and asked, “Do you understand what I want to do to you now?”
Sheng Xia’s current posture made Shi Ye think too much.
Kneeling on his bed, holding his hand, his voice was very soft and cautious, with some piety and trust. Shi Ye looked at his exposed skin, too white, making his temples throb.
That mouth opened and closed, kissing his fingertips as it said, “Yes.”
“Good, I’m done asking.”
After unbuttoning his shirt, Shi Ye removed the obstructing pants.
On his other hand was Sheng Xia’s face.
Shi Ye moved his hand to touch Sheng Xia’s eyes and said, “Undress yourself.”
