It rained the day Shi Ye was discharged from the hospital, not as hot as before.
Niu Xiaojun came to pick him up. Shi Ye didn’t speak on the way, just stared blankly at the raindrops on the car window, his brows slightly furrowed. Niu Xiaojun glanced at him several times, but couldn’t tell whether he was happy or not.
Shi Ye always seemed unhappy in front of others.
“Ce-ge asked me to discuss something with you,” Niu Xiaojun tried to adopt a casual tone. “He said, um, since we have a new lead singer now, it’s polite to have a meal together. The incident with Shen Zui… now that something good has finally happened, we should celebrate.”
He thought Shi Ye would just ignore him pretending not to hear, but the next second he heard Shi Ye say, “Okay.”
“Ah?”
Shi Ye raised an eyebrow, “Ah what?”
“N-nothing…” Niu Xiaojun was so startled that he almost turned the steering wheel wrong. After observing Shi Ye’s expression, he cautiously asked, “I thought you wouldn’t want to go. I was planning to say you weren’t feeling well and couldn’t make it…”
“Don’t they say the more you care, the more you avoid?” Shi Ye’s tone was flat, “Anyway, it’s like this now, whether the new lead singer comes or not. I don’t care who Sheng Xia is, it’s just cooperation.”
The car stopped for a moment, and they were stuck at a red light.
Perhaps the rain outside and the gloomy clouds on the horizon affected their moods, and Niu Xiaojun suddenly felt sad too. He had always been good at handling pressure and was optimistic, but recently this series of events had made him feel uncomfortable.
“The band is actually a family, Shi Ye, you know that very well. You’re not just colleagues, you’re more than that,” he said seriously. “You can easily pick up and put down things because you have the capital to do so. Even if you go solo, you’ll have plenty of gigs… But have you ever thought about Zhong Zheng and Xiao Xiang? When you guys were struggling at the beginning, Zhong Zheng even used his tuition fees to rent a recording studio for you, Shi Ye. And Xiao Xiang, if he hadn’t followed us on tour that year, he would have already gotten married to that rich girl and lived a comfortable life. Is it worth it for him to stay with you now?”
The light turned green.
Before starting the car, Niu Xiaojun said finally, “Shi Ye, you can’t be so one-sided in your thinking. You still have to consider everyone’s feelings.” He was holding back his emotions, and his words were heavy with emotion. He wasn’t afraid of Shi Ye, but he had been holding back this conversation for too long, waiting for a chance to talk to Shi Ye properly.
But after Shi Ye heard it, he didn’t react much. Instead, he leaned over and turned on the car music system. The first song that came up was the hit single “Breath of Clouds” from the third album of the Aviators. Shi Ye frowned, tapped his finger on it, and skipped to the next song.
The next song, and the next one after that, were still songs by the Aviator.
Shi Ye lost his patience and simply turned on Bluetooth, connected to his own phone, and started playing a playlist he had compiled randomly. Throughout the process, he ignored Niu Xiaojun and remained silent.
The randomly selected song was Linkin Park’s “One More Light,” an old song.
He unconsciously tapped his fingers to the beat and repeated the lyrics in his mind before suddenly saying, “Listen to the lyrics — ‘Who cares if one more light goes out?'”
Niu Xiaojun didn’t respond, pretending to focus on driving
“I used to think that being able to live happily was a great skill. If I cared too much about how others saw me, what was the point of playing rock music?” Shi Ye turned his face towards the window. “You know, we were once so dedicated to burning our days, burning our dreams, burning our passions. I used to think that music was the best way to express myself, I was full of enthusiasm, and I wrote every song with dedication. But this matter with Shen Zui…”
Niu Xiaojun couldn’t help but advise, “Shi Ye, that’s not your fault.”
“Did he die because of me?” Shi Ye chuckled lightly. “He went to great lengths, even willing to kill himself, just to destroy the band, to destroy me. Can you really say it has nothing to do with me?”
“He was… jealous!” Niu Xiaojun became emphasized. “Jealous of your talent, jealous that everyone respects you, jealous that the fans like you! It’s not your fault. It’s just that you and him aren’t suitable to be in a band together. Two strong-minded people together, either someone dies or gets injured…”
“But he’s gone. A living person, and all the possibilities of the future… are gone.” Shi Ye’s voice was soft. “He actually cried out for help from me, and I had the chance to help him… The people who played music with me ended up like this. Do you think I can forgive myself?”
Niu Xiaojun was silent for a long time.
“I don’t know what to say,” Niu Xiaojun sighed. “But we still have to move forward.”
“I know, but this matter will never be over. You know that very well,” Shi Ye forced a smile. “I just… I don’t know anymore.”
Niu Xiaojun paused for a moment before sighing softly, “I know, we all have responsibilities. This… sigh, in the future, I don’t expect the band to be wealthy, nor do I talk about ideals and ambitions. I just hope everyone can play in the band happily, make the songs they like, and be healthy, eat well, and sleep well. And, it would be best if the band could be… more harmonious internally.”
He emphasized the word “harmonious.”
“I won’t bully him,” Shi Ye changed the subject, his face still indifferent. “I said I would treat him as a band member, and I won’t bring too many emotions into it.”
He said this, so he would definitely do it, which reassured Niu Xiaojun a bit. But still curious, he couldn’t help asking, “You knew each other before? Did you have a grudge?”
Their relationship seemed strange.
Shi Ye had taken out a cigarette and was about to light it up, but he paused at Niu Xiaojun’s words and said, “We knew each other. When I knew him, I still liked women.”
“Ah?” Niu Xiaojun recalled Shi Ye’s sudden turn to being gay, “That should be… four years ago, right? I remember it was the year when Shen Zui just started doing drugs?”
“Yeah,” Shi Ye lit the cigarette. “At that time, I was always arguing with Shen Zui. Do you remember when I went on a trip alone before the tour? I happened to be in Shangri-La at that time, and Xie Hongjie called me to rescue a situation in Dali.”
“Xie Hongjie! Right! Xie Hongjie went to Dali to open a bar…” Niu Xiaojun suddenly remembered something, “Oh my god! Sheng Xia is from Dali!! You guys met back then?!”
“Yes.” Shi Ye looked quite indifferent. “He was still young back then.”
“… ” Niu Xiaojun calculated how old Sheng Xia was back then, and fell silent for a moment. “You really dare to play, sir.”
They encountered another red light.
“What am I playing at? He played me just as much,” Shi Ye couldn’t be bothered to say more, once again turning his head towards the window. And this time, through the car window, he saw a familiar figure—
The rain outside wasn’t particularly heavy, but one would still get wet without an umbrella. In Shi Ye’s line of sight, Sheng Xia was wearing a gray hoodie with a hood, carrying a backpack, and wearing headphones, lost in thought while waiting to cross the road.
He didn’t have an umbrella, just pulled up his hoodie to cover his head. His expression remained faint, as if he couldn’t feel the crowd around him or the rain falling on him. He just stood there with his hands folded, listening to music with a slightly furrowed brow.
Sheng Xia stood there, seemingly alone, yet it felt like he had stepped into his own world, keeping others clearly separated outside.
After a while, the pedestrian light turned green. Everyone else started moving forward, leaving Sheng Xia standing there dumbfounded, alone with his head bowed.
Shi Ye kept staring at Sheng Xia. He noticed his fingers subconsciously closing slowly, and saw the pedestrian light on the other side of the road turn red, but Sheng Xia remained standing there, dumbfounded.
Niu Xiaojun managed to drive through the intersection, leaving that figure behind quickly.
Shi Ye didn’t look back. He forced himself to listen to Niu Xiaojun speaking.
Niu Xiaojun said he would try to secure a spot at the music festival for the next half year, then mentioned wanting to go to Zhong Zheng’s hotpot restaurant for a good meal in the evening, and also talked about wanting to enjoy being in the band happily in the future, with everything going smoothly, like a family… Niu Xiaojun could keep talking even if no one responded, that’s just how he was.
But Shi Ye couldn’t endure for more than two intersections. When Niu Xiaojun was about to turn, he suddenly, almost absentmindedly, said, “Stop the car.”
After saying it, he was surprised by his own words.
Niu Xiaojun was puzzled, “Huh?”
“Stop the car.” Shi Ye avoided his own impatience and ordered in a cold tone, “Give me the umbrella.”
In his tenure, everyone in the band was quite wary of Shi Ye, especially when he was serious. Niu Xiaojun found a nearby parking spot with some doubt and handed him the umbrella, “Where are you going? See something valuable?”
Shi Ye shook his head, “You go ahead, I’ll go back by myself.”
After getting out of the car, the cold and damp air hit him, making his mind clear for a moment. So Shi Ye began to hesitate, and began to waver.
But the voice in his heart was too loud, constantly urging him to hurry… to hurry over, immediately, now.
Shi Ye disliked being driven by emotions, so he didn’t run. He tried not to be so fast, not so eager.
But he couldn’t control it… his steps became faster and faster, more and more like he was fleeing for his life.
Soon, he crossed the street, through the rainy crowd, various umbrellas, and rushed back to the previous intersection.
He even forgot to open the umbrella. It wasn’t until he reached the traffic light that he realized it. By now, his hair was already damp from the raindrops, dripping on his face, leaving a few streaks of water on his cheeks, like tears.
He looked up, gazing around blankly, but found that he couldn’t find Sheng Xia anymore.
It rained the day Shi Ye was discharged from the hospital, not as hot as before.
Niu Xiaojun came to pick him up. Shi Ye didn’t speak on the way, just stared blankly at the raindrops on the car window, his brows slightly furrowed. Niu Xiaojun glanced at him several times, but couldn’t tell whether he was happy or not.
Shi Ye always seemed unhappy in front of others.
“Ce-ge asked me to discuss something with you,” Niu Xiaojun tried to adopt a casual tone. “He said, um, since we have a new lead singer now, it’s polite to have a meal together. The incident with Shen Zui… now that something good has finally happened, we should celebrate.”
He thought Shi Ye would just ignore him pretending not to hear, but the next second he heard Shi Ye say, “Okay.”
“Ah?”
Shi Ye raised an eyebrow, “Ah what?”
“N-nothing…” Niu Xiaojun was so startled that he almost turned the steering wheel wrong. After observing Shi Ye’s expression, he cautiously asked, “I thought you wouldn’t want to go. I was planning to say you weren’t feeling well and couldn’t make it…”
“Don’t they say the more you care, the more you avoid?” Shi Ye’s tone was flat, “Anyway, it’s like this now, whether the new lead singer comes or not. I don’t care who Sheng Xia is, it’s just cooperation.”
The car stopped for a moment, and they were stuck at a red light.
Perhaps the rain outside and the gloomy clouds on the horizon affected their moods, and Niu Xiaojun suddenly felt sad too. He had always been good at handling pressure and was optimistic, but recently this series of events had made him feel uncomfortable.
“The band is actually a family, Shi Ye, you know that very well. You’re not just colleagues, you’re more than that,” he said seriously. “You can easily pick up and put down things because you have the capital to do so. Even if you go solo, you’ll have plenty of gigs… But have you ever thought about Zhong Zheng and Xiao Xiang? When you guys were struggling at the beginning, Zhong Zheng even used his tuition fees to rent a recording studio for you, Shi Ye. And Xiao Xiang, if he hadn’t followed us on tour that year, he would have already gotten married to that rich girl and lived a comfortable life. Is it worth it for him to stay with you now?”
The light turned green.
Before starting the car, Niu Xiaojun said finally, “Shi Ye, you can’t be so one-sided in your thinking. You still have to consider everyone’s feelings.” He was holding back his emotions, and his words were heavy with emotion. He wasn’t afraid of Shi Ye, but he had been holding back this conversation for too long, waiting for a chance to talk to Shi Ye properly.
But after Shi Ye heard it, he didn’t react much. Instead, he leaned over and turned on the car music system. The first song that came up was the hit single “Breath of Clouds” from the third album of the Aviators. Shi Ye frowned, tapped his finger on it, and skipped to the next song.
The next song, and the next one after that, were still songs by the Aviator.
Shi Ye lost his patience and simply turned on Bluetooth, connected to his own phone, and started playing a playlist he had compiled randomly. Throughout the process, he ignored Niu Xiaojun and remained silent.
The randomly selected song was Linkin Park’s “One More Light,” an old song.
He unconsciously tapped his fingers to the beat and repeated the lyrics in his mind before suddenly saying, “Listen to the lyrics — ‘Who cares if one more light goes out?'”
Niu Xiaojun didn’t respond, pretending to focus on driving
“I used to think that being able to live happily was a great skill. If I cared too much about how others saw me, what was the point of playing rock music?” Shi Ye turned his face towards the window. “You know, we were once so dedicated to burning our days, burning our dreams, burning our passions. I used to think that music was the best way to express myself, I was full of enthusiasm, and I wrote every song with dedication. But this matter with Shen Zui…”
Niu Xiaojun couldn’t help but advise, “Shi Ye, that’s not your fault.”
“Did he die because of me?” Shi Ye chuckled lightly. “He went to great lengths, even willing to kill himself, just to destroy the band, to destroy me. Can you really say it has nothing to do with me?”
“He was… jealous!” Niu Xiaojun became emphasized. “Jealous of your talent, jealous that everyone respects you, jealous that the fans like you! It’s not your fault. It’s just that you and him aren’t suitable to be in a band together. Two strong-minded people together, either someone dies or gets injured…”
“But he’s gone. A living person, and all the possibilities of the future… are gone.” Shi Ye’s voice was soft. “He actually cried out for help from me, and I had the chance to help him… The people who played music with me ended up like this. Do you think I can forgive myself?”
Niu Xiaojun was silent for a long time.
“I don’t know what to say,” Niu Xiaojun sighed. “But we still have to move forward.”
“I know, but this matter will never be over. You know that very well,” Shi Ye forced a smile. “I just… I don’t know anymore.”
Niu Xiaojun paused for a moment before sighing softly, “I know, we all have responsibilities. This… sigh, in the future, I don’t expect the band to be wealthy, nor do I talk about ideals and ambitions. I just hope everyone can play in the band happily, make the songs they like, and be healthy, eat well, and sleep well. And, it would be best if the band could be… more harmonious internally.”
He emphasized the word “harmonious.”
“I won’t bully him,” Shi Ye changed the subject, his face still indifferent. “I said I would treat him as a band member, and I won’t bring too many emotions into it.”
He said this, so he would definitely do it, which reassured Niu Xiaojun a bit. But still curious, he couldn’t help asking, “You knew each other before? Did you have a grudge?”
Their relationship seemed strange.
Shi Ye had taken out a cigarette and was about to light it up, but he paused at Niu Xiaojun’s words and said, “We knew each other. When I knew him, I still liked women.”
“Ah?” Niu Xiaojun recalled Shi Ye’s sudden turn to being gay, “That should be… four years ago, right? I remember it was the year when Shen Zui just started doing drugs?”
“Yeah,” Shi Ye lit the cigarette. “At that time, I was always arguing with Shen Zui. Do you remember when I went on a trip alone before the tour? I happened to be in Shangri-La at that time, and Xie Hongjie called me to rescue a situation in Dali.”
“Xie Hongjie! Right! Xie Hongjie went to Dali to open a bar…” Niu Xiaojun suddenly remembered something, “Oh my god! Sheng Xia is from Dali!! You guys met back then?!”
“Yes.” Shi Ye looked quite indifferent. “He was still young back then.”
“… ” Niu Xiaojun calculated how old Sheng Xia was back then, and fell silent for a moment. “You really dare to play, sir.”
They encountered another red light.
“What am I playing at? He played me just as much,” Shi Ye couldn’t be bothered to say more, once again turning his head towards the window. And this time, through the car window, he saw a familiar figure—
The rain outside wasn’t particularly heavy, but one would still get wet without an umbrella. In Shi Ye’s line of sight, Sheng Xia was wearing a gray hoodie with a hood, carrying a backpack, and wearing headphones, lost in thought while waiting to cross the road.
He didn’t have an umbrella, just pulled up his hoodie to cover his head. His expression remained faint, as if he couldn’t feel the crowd around him or the rain falling on him. He just stood there with his hands folded, listening to music with a slightly furrowed brow.
Sheng Xia stood there, seemingly alone, yet it felt like he had stepped into his own world, keeping others clearly separated outside.
After a while, the pedestrian light turned green. Everyone else started moving forward, leaving Sheng Xia standing there dumbfounded, alone with his head bowed.
Shi Ye kept staring at Sheng Xia. He noticed his fingers subconsciously closing slowly, and saw the pedestrian light on the other side of the road turn red, but Sheng Xia remained standing there, dumbfounded.
Niu Xiaojun managed to drive through the intersection, leaving that figure behind quickly.
Shi Ye didn’t look back. He forced himself to listen to Niu Xiaojun speaking.
Niu Xiaojun said he would try to secure a spot at the music festival for the next half year, then mentioned wanting to go to Zhong Zheng’s hotpot restaurant for a good meal in the evening, and also talked about wanting to enjoy being in the band happily in the future, with everything going smoothly, like a family… Niu Xiaojun could keep talking even if no one responded, that’s just how he was.
But Shi Ye couldn’t endure for more than two intersections. When Niu Xiaojun was about to turn, he suddenly, almost absentmindedly, said, “Stop the car.”
After saying it, he was surprised by his own words.
Niu Xiaojun was puzzled, “Huh?”
“Stop the car.” Shi Ye avoided his own impatience and ordered in a cold tone, “Give me the umbrella.”
In his tenure, everyone in the band was quite wary of Shi Ye, especially when he was serious. Niu Xiaojun found a nearby parking spot with some doubt and handed him the umbrella, “Where are you going? See something valuable?”
Shi Ye shook his head, “You go ahead, I’ll go back by myself.”
After getting out of the car, the cold and damp air hit him, making his mind clear for a moment. So Shi Ye began to hesitate, and began to waver.
But the voice in his heart was too loud, constantly urging him to hurry… to hurry over, immediately, now.
Shi Ye disliked being driven by emotions, so he didn’t run. He tried not to be so fast, not so eager.
But he couldn’t control it… his steps became faster and faster, more and more like he was fleeing for his life.
Soon, he crossed the street, through the rainy crowd, various umbrellas, and rushed back to the previous intersection.
He even forgot to open the umbrella. It wasn’t until he reached the traffic light that he realized it. By now, his hair was already damp from the raindrops, dripping on his face, leaving a few streaks of water on his cheeks, like tears.
He looked up, gazing around blankly, but found that he couldn’t find Sheng Xia anymore.
