"I think if we can analyze this we're going to find there was some kind of aconite mixed into the water," Willow said as she gestured to the fragments of the balloon she'd gathered up. The pieces were now inside a ziplock bag and sitting on the coffee table.
"What's aconite?" Melanie asked quietly.
She and Cerys were cuddling together on one of the sofas with a big blanket wrapped around them both. Only their heads and bare feet were currently visible. Neither of them were injured, and it didn't seem like they'd suffered any permanent harm from what happened. The experience had definitely taken a toll on the two wolfgirls though.
Melanie looked and sounded shaken, while Cerys hadn't even spoken yet. The blonde werewolf was just quietly staring at the floor while her head rested on her girlfriend's shoulder.
It was about half past five, late afternoon heading into early evening, and we were all back at the house again. Instead of having fun and enjoying the holiday, we were having an emergency meeting to discuss this potential new threat. And unfortunately we were short a few club members, Paige Brooke and Melody couldn't make it. We'd exchanged texts with them so we knew all three were ok, and they knew what happened.
On the other hand my parents were here with us, but so far they'd stayed quiet as they just listened in on the conversation.
My girlfriend answered Melanie's question, "Aconite refers to a family of toxic plants. It's most commonly known as monkshood, but it's also known as -"
"Wolf's bane," Willow interrupted. "It's been associated with werewolves since ancient times."
"Whoever arranged this either knew or suspected Melanie was a werewolf," Kaylee continued. "This was deliberate, it couldn't have been an accident or a coincidence."
Sasha asked, "But who would do such a thing? And to what end? I can certainly appreciate the way it shook up what might have been an otherwise uneventful afternoon, but an event such as this could have easily led to tragedy had Melanie and Cerys been less experienced weres."
"It nearly did," the older wolfgirl sighed. "We had no control at all. It was like shifting for the very first time all over again. I couldn't stop it, couldn't control it, and after I was changed I was just a passenger. My wolf was... She felt angry."
She looked to me and added quietly, "If you hadn't sent us straight back here into the basement I don't know what might have happened. Thanks Cass."
I just nodded quietly, but I could feel my cheeks were red. I was sitting by myself on one of the recliners, curled up inside my hoodie again despite the early summer warmth. I hadn't told my friends and family what happened or what I did. I also hadn't said a word about how I felt like I didn't have any control over myself either.
"Cass honey," mom asked, and the concern was clear in her tone. "Are you doing ok? You've been very quiet."
I shrugged and mumbled, "I'm fine. It was all just a lot today I guess."
Mum spoke up next, "I'm sure it was. If you're ready to talk though, we'd all like to know where you went after you left the park. Did you find out who was behind this? Did you question the two boys Willow told us about?"
"Yeah," I sighed. I was still quiet, staring at the coffee table rather than facing anyone. I probably didn't look much better than Cerys as I mumbled, "Someone gave them the balloon and paid them to throw it at Melanie. That happened at the park, they were standing in line at the food truck when they were approached. I don't know who it was though."
Melanie frowned, "They wouldn't tell you?"
I shook my head, "They couldn't remember. The information was gone from their memories, someone erased it. All they could remember was a grey blur, they didn't even know if it was a man or woman."
"I went back to check the park again but I couldn't find whoever was responsible," I added quietly. "So I just did my best to cover up the mess, then came back here."
"How'd you get Kyle and Danny to tell you all that stuff?" Willow asked. "And did you just let them walk away afterwards?"
I grimaced and mumbled, "I don't really want to talk about it. Sorry."
Mom switched from sounding concerned to using her mom-voice, "Cassandra did you do something to those two boys?"
Something about her voice or the way she asked stirred up a reaction in me. I sat up straight and looked back at my mom. Then I heard myself reply in a clear and confident voice, "Yes I did. And I'll tell you the same thing I told them. I might have forgiven them if all they did was throw a water balloon. They didn't know what it was, they didn't know what they were doing. But they were casually transmisic, they deadnamed and misgendered Willow, and they thought it was funny. That was on them, and for that I was unforgiving."
By the time I was finished both my parents seemed to be watching me closely, but neither of them argued. I had a feeling we might be having a private conversation later though.
I also caught Melanie watching me as well, and for some reason the thought crossed my mind that she recognized me. Which didn't make any sense since we'd known each other for over eighteen months, so of course she'd know who I was.
"What did you do to them?" Willow asked nervously.
Her question distracted me from those other thoughts and I shrank back down into my hoodie. I shook my head as I mumbled, "I think there's more important things we should focus on instead."
Sasha apparently agreed with me. The fallen goddess asked again, "Who might be responsible for this? Melanie do you have any enemies? People who know or suspect you're a werewolf?"
The wolfgirl shook her head, "I don't think so? Maybe a couple guys at school don't like me, but they're just humans and they don't know about magic or the supernatural."
Then Nina asked "Maybe it was the council?"
"According to Melody the council's goal is to keep the supernatural a secret," Kaylee pointed out. "Forcing a couple werewolves to shift in broad daylight in front of a crowd of people seems like the opposite of what they'd do."
Cerys finally broke her silence. She was still cuddled against her girlfriend and her voice was quiet as she asked, "What about the podcast guys? They want to expose the supernatural. And Paige said something about part two of their big exposé coming out today, right?"
"You're right," my girlfriend frowned as she pulled out her phone and started searching for something. A couple seconds later she confirmed, "The Really Strange Stuff social media account is promoting it right now. Part two goes live on their channel tonight at nine."
Nina asked, "It couldn't have been them though, right? They were deported, they're back in the States now. And they don't know magic, Cass said someone used magic on those two guys in the park today."
Willow suggested, "Maybe they have friends here? Or fans? Someone who knows about this stuff and wants it made public."
"If they have friends or fans who know about magic and the supernatural and want it exposed why wouldn't those people talk to Really Strange Stuff themselves?" Melanie asked. "Why go to all this trouble when they could just demonstrate magic on camera directly?"
Everyone was quiet for a few moments after that, it seemed like nobody had an answer to that question.
Then Kaylee looked over at my little sister and commented, "Maybe Nina's right? Maybe the council is involved, but not the way we'd expect?"
"What do you mean?" my mom asked her. "You said yourself that this goes against everything they stand for."
My girlfriend grimaced as she responded, "I was just thinking, what if it's a set-up? Back in March we were all lured out to that cave, odds are someone got pictures of Melanie in her wolf-girl form. And maybe they got proof of Nina using magic. Now Melanie was targeted today and forced to transform in public. If Cass hadn't sent her and Cerys home right away, things could have gotten ugly. So maybe this was a set-up, not to expose the supernatural but to make it seem like Melanie's dangerous?"
The two wolfgirls both sighed quietly, like this was obviously an ongoing nightmare for both of them. Melanie grumbled, "If that's the case then we might not be safe anywhere. What if someone shows up at the grocery store tomorrow with a squirt-gun full of that wolf's bane stuff?"
"And if whoever's responsible was there at the park they'll know Cerys is a wolf too," she added with a scowl. "So neither of us are safe."
Sasha volunteered, "I'm rather an expert when it comes to enchantments. I might be able to come up with some sort of amulet or talisman to protect you both from the effects of wolf's bane. I could make it into something small for each of you to wear, like jewelry or something similar."
"I might need to enlist your help Cassandra, if that's all right?" she added as she looked to me. "Especially if we need to have two of them completed overnight. I lack the magical strength and stamina to do it all at once I'm afraid."
I nodded, "Ok. I'll help however I can."
"Thanks Sasha, Cass," Melanie replied. "I don't really wear jewelry though? Tight or restricting metal accessories aren't exactly compatible with shifting forms. Especially if we have to shift in a hurry."
Cerys added quietly, "We can't even get our ears pierced. Piercings and tattoos will just disappear or heal over every time we change."
"It doesn't have to be made of metal," my cousin responded. "We can discuss the details with you after the meeting has concluded. We'll find an option that works best for both of you."
Both wolfgirls seemed satusfied with that idea, and the four of us agreed to talk more later to figure out the details.
Then Willow commented, "If Kaylee's right and it's someone looking to set us up then we might all still be at risk. So we should all be extra careful I think?"
My mum agreed, "Do be very careful and try to be observant. And as we've been saying all along, don't use or reveal your abilities in public. Until we know who's behind this and what their goals are, it's best to assume we're all being watched."
The meeting more or less ended there, since nobody else had anything to add. There weren't any more questions either, at least none that were related to the emergency meeting.
Sasha asked, "I suppose this means we won't be seeing the fireworks tonight after all? I'd been rather looking forward to that."
"I'm not sure it's safe, but I'm still up for it?" Willow replied. "Maybe if we just head straight over there for ten, then come back here afterwards it'll be ok?"
Nina offered, "I'll come too. I can help keep us safe. So can Cass, if she's up for it?"
Everyone looked over at me again, and I cringed slightly in response. I nodded though, "Sure. I'll come out and um, help protect everyone."
Kaylee was still up for fireworks too, especially now that she knew I'd be going. I had a feeling if I wanted to stay home tonight she'd have been up for that too, but this was probably better. On the other hand neither Melanie or Cerys seemed interested in going back out this evening. They left the option open, but for now it seemed like they'd both feel safer staying home tonight.
That led us all to start talking about dinner, originally we'd been expecting to try some of those ribs from the food truck in the park but that plan was obviously abandoned. Instead we agreed to order in, and it didn't take long for everyone to settle on Chinese. Everyone except my parents, they decided to head back home for a quiet night together.
After they left I followed Sasha and the wolfgirls down into the basement, so the four of us could work out what to do about protective enchantments for Melanie and Cerys. Meanwhile Kaylee started writing up a summary of the meeting to share on group chat, so Paige and Brooke and Melody would know what was going on. And my little sister spent some time working with Willow again, teaching the sorceress more about Club Luna, as well as helping her get a better handle on her magic.
Down in the basement it didn't take long for Sasha to figure out a solution that would work for Melanie and Cerys, both wolfgirls opted for leather accessories rather than metal jewelry. I conjured up the physical objects they wanted, then Sasha took the items with her to her bedroom to start working on the enchantments. The wolfgirls stayed down in the basement for now, they both wanted some quiet alone time, and I decided I needed the same.
So I went up to my bedroom and closed the door, then lay back on my bed and cuddled my two big plush bunnies. And once I was safe with my cuddle-buns I let myself think back to earlier in the afternoon, when I confronted Kyle and Danny.
The whole thing felt almost like a dream, or a nightmare. Like I was watching someone else do that stuff. I knew that wasn't what happened, I knew it was me, but it didn't feel like me. I didn't feel in control of my actions, and that scared me. Especially considering how much power I had. Between the demonic magic and the divine magic, I knew I had the potential to be extremely dangerous.
I felt a really big lump forming in my stomach as I thought about how I could accidentally put my family and friends at risk, or maybe even hurt them, if I somehow lost control again like I did when I was confronting those guys today.
Just the idea that I might somehow harm my family or friends scared me enough I started to wonder if there was some way I could get rid of the power. Like maybe I could even get that shard out of my chest after all, so I wasn't a -
"No Cass, you can't do that."
My eyes went wide and I was practically holding my breath while my heart raced. I had no idea who said that, but they sounded exactly like me. Only I didn't hear the words with my ears, it was more like they appeared directly in my thoughts. Except I knew I didn't think them, they weren't my thoughts or words.
"Don't worry," the thought-voice added. "Neither of us are a danger to our friends or our family. On the contrary, I've been looking out for them as well as you."
By that point my heart was pounding and my emotions were all over the place. For some reason I thought back to Diane and Eirys again, and I felt a shudder of fear go through me. My eyes started to sting a bit and I blinked away some tears.
I took a shaky breath then whispered, "Who are you? Where are you? What's happening to me?"
The thought-voice that wasn't me responded calmly, "I am Cassandra, and I'm right here with you. I've been with you for a long while Cass. Nothing's happening to you, and nothing's wrong with you."
"But..." I whispered as my stomach churned. I blinked back more tears and asked softly, "What are you? Are you the one who's been controlling me? Did you make me curse those guys today?"
The not-me voice seemed to sigh, "I'm not controlling you, and you didn't curse anyone. That was me, and I judged those two accordingly. I am Cassandra, you are Cass. I represent our divine side, I am the goddess of chaos. And you represent our demonic half. You're thoughtful and compassionate and kind. I make the difficult decisions and take action when it is necessary."
I gulped and fought back another wave of tears as my heart continued pounding in my chest. "If you're my divine half then you've only been around since December right? Since Brian did the ritual?"
"No Cass," the not-me voice replied in a calm patient tone. "I've been with you much longer than that. The ritual in December merely set me free. Prior to that..."
The voice trailed off for a moment, then she sighed. "I was much more heavily influenced by the fragment of herself that Sasha left inside us than you were. I did her bidding, and I did my best to keep all of that from you. I didn't want you troubled by any of that, I knew it would upset you. Like you're upset right now. That's why you couldn't remember doing those things, because it wasn't you who did them. And I kept those memories away from you as best I could."
I found myself slowly shaking my head back and forth like I was trying to deny what I was hearing, even though I knew on some level it was true.
"I should tell my parents about you. And Nina," I whispered. "They'll know what to do."
"Perhaps," the not-me voice replied. "But you're not going to. I know you're too scared to talk to them about this. You're terrified of how they'll react, what they'll do, and what they'll think of you."
I sighed and rolled over so my tears started to soak into my pillow as I hugged my two big plush bunnies even closer. I knew not-me was right, I was too frightened to mention this to anyone. In fact I started to wish I could forget the whole thing, I didn't want to know about voices that weren't me talking to me inside my head.
As if they could read my mind not-me responded, "It's probably too late for you to forget about me completely, but you might be able to distract yourself from me for a little while longer. Right now though, we really ought to go rejoin the others before Kaylee comes looking for us."
I shook my head again as I suppressed a shudder. I wasn't ready to face my friends, I wasn't ready to deal with any of this stuff. It was all too much, too confusing, and way too scary.
"Don't worry Cass," not-me added softly. "I'll take care of everything."
I felt that now-familiar sense of calm flow over me. It was like a warm comfy blanket, and it wrapped around me like a gentle hug. All my fears and anxieties started to fade away, but the whole experience left me feeling exhausted instead. It was only a moment or two after that I felt myself drift away into sleep.
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"I think if we can analyze this we're going to find there was some kind of aconite mixed into the water," Willow said as she gestured to the fragments of the balloon she'd gathered up. The pieces were now inside a ziplock bag and sitting on the coffee table.
"What's aconite?" Melanie asked quietly.
She and Cerys were cuddling together on one of the sofas with a big blanket wrapped around them both. Only their heads and bare feet were currently visible. Neither of them were injured, and it didn't seem like they'd suffered any permanent harm from what happened. The experience had definitely taken a toll on the two wolfgirls though.
Melanie looked and sounded shaken, while Cerys hadn't even spoken yet. The blonde werewolf was just quietly staring at the floor while her head rested on her girlfriend's shoulder.
It was about half past five, late afternoon heading into early evening, and we were all back at the house again. Instead of having fun and enjoying the holiday, we were having an emergency meeting to discuss this potential new threat. And unfortunately we were short a few club members, Paige Brooke and Melody couldn't make it. We'd exchanged texts with them so we knew all three were ok, and they knew what happened.
On the other hand my parents were here with us, but so far they'd stayed quiet as they just listened in on the conversation.
My girlfriend answered Melanie's question, "Aconite refers to a family of toxic plants. It's most commonly known as monkshood, but it's also known as -"
"Wolf's bane," Willow interrupted. "It's been associated with werewolves since ancient times."
"Whoever arranged this either knew or suspected Melanie was a werewolf," Kaylee continued. "This was deliberate, it couldn't have been an accident or a coincidence."
Sasha asked, "But who would do such a thing? And to what end? I can certainly appreciate the way it shook up what might have been an otherwise uneventful afternoon, but an event such as this could have easily led to tragedy had Melanie and Cerys been less experienced weres."
"It nearly did," the older wolfgirl sighed. "We had no control at all. It was like shifting for the very first time all over again. I couldn't stop it, couldn't control it, and after I was changed I was just a passenger. My wolf was... She felt angry."
She looked to me and added quietly, "If you hadn't sent us straight back here into the basement I don't know what might have happened. Thanks Cass."
I just nodded quietly, but I could feel my cheeks were red. I was sitting by myself on one of the recliners, curled up inside my hoodie again despite the early summer warmth. I hadn't told my friends and family what happened or what I did. I also hadn't said a word about how I felt like I didn't have any control over myself either.
"Cass honey," mom asked, and the concern was clear in her tone. "Are you doing ok? You've been very quiet."
I shrugged and mumbled, "I'm fine. It was all just a lot today I guess."
Mum spoke up next, "I'm sure it was. If you're ready to talk though, we'd all like to know where you went after you left the park. Did you find out who was behind this? Did you question the two boys Willow told us about?"
"Yeah," I sighed. I was still quiet, staring at the coffee table rather than facing anyone. I probably didn't look much better than Cerys as I mumbled, "Someone gave them the balloon and paid them to throw it at Melanie. That happened at the park, they were standing in line at the food truck when they were approached. I don't know who it was though."
Melanie frowned, "They wouldn't tell you?"
I shook my head, "They couldn't remember. The information was gone from their memories, someone erased it. All they could remember was a grey blur, they didn't even know if it was a man or woman."
"I went back to check the park again but I couldn't find whoever was responsible," I added quietly. "So I just did my best to cover up the mess, then came back here."
"How'd you get Kyle and Danny to tell you all that stuff?" Willow asked. "And did you just let them walk away afterwards?"
I grimaced and mumbled, "I don't really want to talk about it. Sorry."
Mom switched from sounding concerned to using her mom-voice, "Cassandra did you do something to those two boys?"
Something about her voice or the way she asked stirred up a reaction in me. I sat up straight and looked back at my mom. Then I heard myself reply in a clear and confident voice, "Yes I did. And I'll tell you the same thing I told them. I might have forgiven them if all they did was throw a water balloon. They didn't know what it was, they didn't know what they were doing. But they were casually transmisic, they deadnamed and misgendered Willow, and they thought it was funny. That was on them, and for that I was unforgiving."
By the time I was finished both my parents seemed to be watching me closely, but neither of them argued. I had a feeling we might be having a private conversation later though.
I also caught Melanie watching me as well, and for some reason the thought crossed my mind that she recognized me. Which didn't make any sense since we'd known each other for over eighteen months, so of course she'd know who I was.
"What did you do to them?" Willow asked nervously.
Her question distracted me from those other thoughts and I shrank back down into my hoodie. I shook my head as I mumbled, "I think there's more important things we should focus on instead."
Sasha apparently agreed with me. The fallen goddess asked again, "Who might be responsible for this? Melanie do you have any enemies? People who know or suspect you're a werewolf?"
The wolfgirl shook her head, "I don't think so? Maybe a couple guys at school don't like me, but they're just humans and they don't know about magic or the supernatural."
Then Nina asked "Maybe it was the council?"
"According to Melody the council's goal is to keep the supernatural a secret," Kaylee pointed out. "Forcing a couple werewolves to shift in broad daylight in front of a crowd of people seems like the opposite of what they'd do."
Cerys finally broke her silence. She was still cuddled against her girlfriend and her voice was quiet as she asked, "What about the podcast guys? They want to expose the supernatural. And Paige said something about part two of their big exposé coming out today, right?"
"You're right," my girlfriend frowned as she pulled out her phone and started searching for something. A couple seconds later she confirmed, "The Really Strange Stuff social media account is promoting it right now. Part two goes live on their channel tonight at nine."
Nina asked, "It couldn't have been them though, right? They were deported, they're back in the States now. And they don't know magic, Cass said someone used magic on those two guys in the park today."
Willow suggested, "Maybe they have friends here? Or fans? Someone who knows about this stuff and wants it made public."
"If they have friends or fans who know about magic and the supernatural and want it exposed why wouldn't those people talk to Really Strange Stuff themselves?" Melanie asked. "Why go to all this trouble when they could just demonstrate magic on camera directly?"
Everyone was quiet for a few moments after that, it seemed like nobody had an answer to that question.
Then Kaylee looked over at my little sister and commented, "Maybe Nina's right? Maybe the council is involved, but not the way we'd expect?"
"What do you mean?" my mom asked her. "You said yourself that this goes against everything they stand for."
My girlfriend grimaced as she responded, "I was just thinking, what if it's a set-up? Back in March we were all lured out to that cave, odds are someone got pictures of Melanie in her wolf-girl form. And maybe they got proof of Nina using magic. Now Melanie was targeted today and forced to transform in public. If Cass hadn't sent her and Cerys home right away, things could have gotten ugly. So maybe this was a set-up, not to expose the supernatural but to make it seem like Melanie's dangerous?"
The two wolfgirls both sighed quietly, like this was obviously an ongoing nightmare for both of them. Melanie grumbled, "If that's the case then we might not be safe anywhere. What if someone shows up at the grocery store tomorrow with a squirt-gun full of that wolf's bane stuff?"
"And if whoever's responsible was there at the park they'll know Cerys is a wolf too," she added with a scowl. "So neither of us are safe."
Sasha volunteered, "I'm rather an expert when it comes to enchantments. I might be able to come up with some sort of amulet or talisman to protect you both from the effects of wolf's bane. I could make it into something small for each of you to wear, like jewelry or something similar."
"I might need to enlist your help Cassandra, if that's all right?" she added as she looked to me. "Especially if we need to have two of them completed overnight. I lack the magical strength and stamina to do it all at once I'm afraid."
I nodded, "Ok. I'll help however I can."
"Thanks Sasha, Cass," Melanie replied. "I don't really wear jewelry though? Tight or restricting metal accessories aren't exactly compatible with shifting forms. Especially if we have to shift in a hurry."
Cerys added quietly, "We can't even get our ears pierced. Piercings and tattoos will just disappear or heal over every time we change."
"It doesn't have to be made of metal," my cousin responded. "We can discuss the details with you after the meeting has concluded. We'll find an option that works best for both of you."
Both wolfgirls seemed satusfied with that idea, and the four of us agreed to talk more later to figure out the details.
Then Willow commented, "If Kaylee's right and it's someone looking to set us up then we might all still be at risk. So we should all be extra careful I think?"
My mum agreed, "Do be very careful and try to be observant. And as we've been saying all along, don't use or reveal your abilities in public. Until we know who's behind this and what their goals are, it's best to assume we're all being watched."
The meeting more or less ended there, since nobody else had anything to add. There weren't any more questions either, at least none that were related to the emergency meeting.
Sasha asked, "I suppose this means we won't be seeing the fireworks tonight after all? I'd been rather looking forward to that."
"I'm not sure it's safe, but I'm still up for it?" Willow replied. "Maybe if we just head straight over there for ten, then come back here afterwards it'll be ok?"
Nina offered, "I'll come too. I can help keep us safe. So can Cass, if she's up for it?"
Everyone looked over at me again, and I cringed slightly in response. I nodded though, "Sure. I'll come out and um, help protect everyone."
Kaylee was still up for fireworks too, especially now that she knew I'd be going. I had a feeling if I wanted to stay home tonight she'd have been up for that too, but this was probably better. On the other hand neither Melanie or Cerys seemed interested in going back out this evening. They left the option open, but for now it seemed like they'd both feel safer staying home tonight.
That led us all to start talking about dinner, originally we'd been expecting to try some of those ribs from the food truck in the park but that plan was obviously abandoned. Instead we agreed to order in, and it didn't take long for everyone to settle on Chinese. Everyone except my parents, they decided to head back home for a quiet night together.
After they left I followed Sasha and the wolfgirls down into the basement, so the four of us could work out what to do about protective enchantments for Melanie and Cerys. Meanwhile Kaylee started writing up a summary of the meeting to share on group chat, so Paige and Brooke and Melody would know what was going on. And my little sister spent some time working with Willow again, teaching the sorceress more about Club Luna, as well as helping her get a better handle on her magic.
Down in the basement it didn't take long for Sasha to figure out a solution that would work for Melanie and Cerys, both wolfgirls opted for leather accessories rather than metal jewelry. I conjured up the physical objects they wanted, then Sasha took the items with her to her bedroom to start working on the enchantments. The wolfgirls stayed down in the basement for now, they both wanted some quiet alone time, and I decided I needed the same.
So I went up to my bedroom and closed the door, then lay back on my bed and cuddled my two big plush bunnies. And once I was safe with my cuddle-buns I let myself think back to earlier in the afternoon, when I confronted Kyle and Danny.
The whole thing felt almost like a dream, or a nightmare. Like I was watching someone else do that stuff. I knew that wasn't what happened, I knew it was me, but it didn't feel like me. I didn't feel in control of my actions, and that scared me. Especially considering how much power I had. Between the demonic magic and the divine magic, I knew I had the potential to be extremely dangerous.
I felt a really big lump forming in my stomach as I thought about how I could accidentally put my family and friends at risk, or maybe even hurt them, if I somehow lost control again like I did when I was confronting those guys today.
Just the idea that I might somehow harm my family or friends scared me enough I started to wonder if there was some way I could get rid of the power. Like maybe I could even get that shard out of my chest after all, so I wasn't a -
"No Cass, you can't do that."
My eyes went wide and I was practically holding my breath while my heart raced. I had no idea who said that, but they sounded exactly like me. Only I didn't hear the words with my ears, it was more like they appeared directly in my thoughts. Except I knew I didn't think them, they weren't my thoughts or words.
"Don't worry," the thought-voice added. "Neither of us are a danger to our friends or our family. On the contrary, I've been looking out for them as well as you."
By that point my heart was pounding and my emotions were all over the place. For some reason I thought back to Diane and Eirys again, and I felt a shudder of fear go through me. My eyes started to sting a bit and I blinked away some tears.
I took a shaky breath then whispered, "Who are you? Where are you? What's happening to me?"
The thought-voice that wasn't me responded calmly, "I am Cassandra, and I'm right here with you. I've been with you for a long while Cass. Nothing's happening to you, and nothing's wrong with you."
"But..." I whispered as my stomach churned. I blinked back more tears and asked softly, "What are you? Are you the one who's been controlling me? Did you make me curse those guys today?"
The not-me voice seemed to sigh, "I'm not controlling you, and you didn't curse anyone. That was me, and I judged those two accordingly. I am Cassandra, you are Cass. I represent our divine side, I am the goddess of chaos. And you represent our demonic half. You're thoughtful and compassionate and kind. I make the difficult decisions and take action when it is necessary."
I gulped and fought back another wave of tears as my heart continued pounding in my chest. "If you're my divine half then you've only been around since December right? Since Brian did the ritual?"
"No Cass," the not-me voice replied in a calm patient tone. "I've been with you much longer than that. The ritual in December merely set me free. Prior to that..."
The voice trailed off for a moment, then she sighed. "I was much more heavily influenced by the fragment of herself that Sasha left inside us than you were. I did her bidding, and I did my best to keep all of that from you. I didn't want you troubled by any of that, I knew it would upset you. Like you're upset right now. That's why you couldn't remember doing those things, because it wasn't you who did them. And I kept those memories away from you as best I could."
I found myself slowly shaking my head back and forth like I was trying to deny what I was hearing, even though I knew on some level it was true.
"I should tell my parents about you. And Nina," I whispered. "They'll know what to do."
"Perhaps," the not-me voice replied. "But you're not going to. I know you're too scared to talk to them about this. You're terrified of how they'll react, what they'll do, and what they'll think of you."
I sighed and rolled over so my tears started to soak into my pillow as I hugged my two big plush bunnies even closer. I knew not-me was right, I was too frightened to mention this to anyone. In fact I started to wish I could forget the whole thing, I didn't want to know about voices that weren't me talking to me inside my head.
As if they could read my mind not-me responded, "It's probably too late for you to forget about me completely, but you might be able to distract yourself from me for a little while longer. Right now though, we really ought to go rejoin the others before Kaylee comes looking for us."
I shook my head again as I suppressed a shudder. I wasn't ready to face my friends, I wasn't ready to deal with any of this stuff. It was all too much, too confusing, and way too scary.
"Don't worry Cass," not-me added softly. "I'll take care of everything."
I felt that now-familiar sense of calm flow over me. It was like a warm comfy blanket, and it wrapped around me like a gentle hug. All my fears and anxieties started to fade away, but the whole experience left me feeling exhausted instead. It was only a moment or two after that I felt myself drift away into sleep.
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