=::= Kaylee's PoV =::=
"Here you go sweetie," dad said as he pulled the car to a stop in front of the cafe. "Call me when you're ready to come home."
I forced a smile, "Thanks dad. I might get a lift from Paige if she's got the minivan, but if not I'll let you know."
He waved as I closed the door, then pulled away while I turned and headed for the cafe door. It was Saturday afternoon so the place was pretty busy, but Paige already texted me during the drive over that she was there and had a table. The whole parking lot was packed too, between people getting their groceries and folks doing last-minute back to school shopping.
I spotted Paige as soon as I entered, she was sitting at a small table off to the side. The two of us waved to each other, then I lined up at the counter to get myself something. I ended up going for a mocha frap, with a double shot of chocolate syrup and extra whipped cream.
The way I'd been feeling lately, I decided that I needed to spoil myself a little. I hadn't seen or spoken with Cass since that day in the woods with the fairies. The only contact we'd had was just over a week ago, the day before her birthday.
We exchanged a few texts, and there was some talk about the two of us maybe starting over from scratch. As friends maybe. Except at the end of the conversation she asked me not to come to her eighteenth birthday party after all. And that made it perfectly clear, she and I weren't even friends anymore.
The whole situation left me feeling awful, and I was hoping Paige could help me figure out a way to deal with it.
It took a couple minutes to get my order, then I headed over to join Paige at her table. We exchanged greetings as I slipped off my fall jacket then got comfortable in the chair across from her.
"So what's up?" Paige asked once I was settled. "What did you want to talk about?"
I grimaced and had a sip of my drink, then responded "I'm not doing great. And I'm sure you can guess what I wanted to talk about. Anyways, how are you doing?"
After a sip of her latte she shrugged, "I'm ok. Pretty much all ready for school next week? I don't know if I'm looking forward to it, but I'm sure it'll be exciting in a way. Grade twelve right, our last year of high school."
"Yeah," I sighed. I was about to mention how Miss Hawthorne wasn't going to be there, but I held back. I was positive all my friends had heard me complain about that more than enough already.
Paige had some more latte as she watched me, then asked "So what's on your mind? Is this about Cass?"
"Yeah," I sighed. "I know I haven't been a good friend, let alone a good girlfriend to her. And after the awful stuff I said to her that day in the forest, nobody could blame her for never wanting to see me again."
"That wasn't all your fault though," Paige replied. She lowered her voice as she continued, "You were under fae influence. They put those words in your mouth Kaylee, you can't blame yourself for that."
My cheeks coloured and I had a gulp of my drink, then shook my head. "That's not what they did, Paige. They didn't make me say that stuff, not exactly."
I lowered my voice and admitted, "One made me more bull-headed so I'd argue and wouldn't listen, another made me more aggressive so I'd be meaner, and the third one made me more impulsive so I'd talk without thinking. They said I was already a bigot, all they did was make it so I'd say what was on my mind."
"Cass knows all that too," I added with a sigh. "I heard them tell her exactly what they did and didn't do to me."
A troubled frown settled on her face as she stared down at her latte for a few moments. She finally looked up at me and asked, "So you really think like that? You think Cass and her family are monsters or something? What about Melanie, do you think she's a monster too?"
I shook my head, "I don't really know what I think anymore? I look at Cass and I still see the cute little brunette I started crushing on last halloween? And I think about all the fun we had together over the winter and in the spring, and how I was teaching her magic and how lucky I was to finally find the cute perfect witchy girlfriend I'd been hoping for."
"But then she started bragging about how she's part demon?" I sighed. "She even taught herself demonic magic. Then half the time we get together Ninaya's there too? And all I see when I look at her is the demon who threatened us and tried to kill Cass back in June."
"Nina didn't try very hard," Paige pointed out. "And she caved in and gave up as soon as you and Cass challenged her. But I get your point Kaylee, Nina started out on the wrong side. I don't think she was ever evil though? I think she was lonely, and probably desperate for acceptance and easily manipulated. So she went along with what Socha wanted."
She continued, "As for Cassandra, who and what she is hasn't changed. The only difference between now and last spring is she's learned the truth about herself. Like you said, she's still the same cute little brunette she was last halloween."
I slowly shook my head, then had a gulp of my frap. "I know that? But I can't change how I feel. And you heard what May said about demons, you know how dangerous they are. Ninaya claims to be fifteen hundred years old, while we've only known her for less than three months. I just can't shake the feeling that she's a threat."
After draining the last of my sugary drink I continued, "Then there's the club stuff? Once again I know in my head that Cass didn't do anything wrong, but the fact remains that May left us because of her. Before Cass barged in on us it was you, me, Brooke, and Marissa. And everything was good. Then Cass came along, and suddenly we're hanging out with werewolves and angels and demons, Miss Hawthorne's left the club and the school, and everything's different."
My friend sighed and slowly had a few sips of her latte. She finally looked at me and shook her head, "Kaylee, saying it's Cass's fault that Miss Hawthorne's gone is straight-up victim blaming. May left us because she made a bunch of big mistakes, and the last one put Cassandra in the hospital. I think maybe you need to reconsider your opinions about her."
"About Cass?" I asked with a frown. "I already know I'm torn about her, I -"
Paige shook her head again, "Not Cass. I mean you need to reevaluate what you think about May Hawthorne. She's not the good person we all thought she was."
My frown got deeper as I asked, "I don't understand, what's to evaluate? She was our teacher, she was the club sponsor, the club founder, and she protected us and helped us learn magic."
"And we also know she's a Goddess," I added in a half-whisper, not that anybody was paying attention to the two of us.
My friend nodded, "She was all those things, but none of that made her a good person."
I started to protest but Paige cut me off, "Kaylee she lied to us, she used us and manipulated us. Her carelessness sent Cass to the hospital, and in the end she never apologized for any of it. She didn't even come clean about who she was or how she'd used us. She just packed up and disappeared."
"But..." I struggled to come up with a counter-argument. In the end though all I could do was repeat myself, "She was our teacher, sponsor, and the club founder."
Paige sighed and shook her head, "Kaylee I know you have a thing about authority figures, but you need grow up and open your eyes. Just because someone's a teacher or a leader doesn't mean they're right. And it definitely doesn't give them some sort of moral superiority. That goes double for cops and politicians. And apparently Goddesses too. The same goes for parents. Just because someone has authority doesn't automatically make them right or good. It's the opposite, when someone's in a position of authority they need to be scrutinized even harder, to make sure they're not abusing it."
I almost had to bite my tongue, to keep from saying the next few things that came to mind. Like I knew sometimes there were bad apples, but that didn't mean everyone in authority was bad. And even if May made some mistakes, she also did a lot of good.
A minute or so passed without either of us saying anything, and it started to feel awkward. So I gestured at her cup and asked, "Can I get you another latte? I'm going to get myself another drink."
"Ok. Thanks Kaylee," Paige smiled.
I just nodded, then got up and got back in line again. It gave me another couple minutes to think about everything she said, and to try and make some sense out of my mixed-up thoughts and feelings.
A few minutes later I sat back down again with the drinks, but I still hadn't made any progress figuring this stuff out. Paige thanked me for the latte while I had a sip of my second sugary frap.
"I feel like I keep going in circles with all this stuff," I said with another sigh. "I like Cass, I'm attracted to her, and I want things between us to go back to how they were in the spring. I want my cute perfect witchy girlfriend back. But then she talks about how she's not a witch and doesn't want to use the magic I taught her. And she talks about being part demon as if it was something to be proud of? It makes me question her judgement, like she's happy about not being human."
"And I know her parents are nice people," I continued, "I'm glad they were able to help Brooke's mom. But then I question their judgement and their motives when they turn around and not only let Ninaya stay with them, they even adopted the demon and gave her a human name? Now they're all acting like she's part of their family."
Finally I sighed, "As for the stuff about May, all we know for sure is what Cass told us. Miss Hawthorne never confirmed any of it, never even acknowledged it."
"If it wasn't true then why would she leave?" Paige pointed out. "Actually when you asked her why she was leaving, May did kind of confirm some of it. She said she'd been doing some immoral stuff and that she needed to rethink her behaviour."
She added, "That and she said her reputation had suffered because she'd seriously injured a student. She wouldn't even say Cass's name, and she didn't apologize for anything. I'm sorry Kaylee, I know you liked her. So did I, so did Cass. She might have been a good teacher, but Miss Hawthorne wasn't a good person."
Then she sighed, "And Kaylee? Cass was never your witchy girlfriend. Like I said a few minutes ago, she's always been who she is now. We only just found out the truth in June, same as she did. If you loved her when you thought she was a witch but don't love her now that you know she's part demon, then I have to ask if you ever loved her at all. Because it sounds more like you're focused on some ideal version of her that only existed in your head."
I frowned as I thought all that over, then ended up having another gulp of my drink. I really wanted to argue, a lot of what she said felt wrong to me, but I couldn't come up with any good ways to counter the things she just said. We both ended up just sitting quietly for another minute or two, sipping our drinks and thinking about this stuff.
Eventually I shook my head, "I understand what you're saying Paige, and maybe I agree with you on some points, in theory? But I can't shake how I feel. Demons are evil and dangerous. May told us that, religion tells us that, popular culture tells us that. Having that demon around feels wrong to me. And the way Cass treats her like family feels wrong too, just like it feels wrong for Cass to act like she's proud of being part demon herself."
Paige had a thoughtful frown on her face as she watched me for a few moments.
After another sip of her latte she commented, "It's like I said earlier Kaylee, you have some kind of blind spot for authority figures. Think about it? All those sources are telling you demons are evil and dangerous, but we actually know a demon. Two if you want to count Cassandra. You helped defeat Nina back in June just by standing up to her and calling her bluff. Then ten days ago you brought her to tears just by being mean to her. And what did the dangerous evil demon do? She ran home and hid in her bedroom."
"As for Cass," she continued, "In all the time I've known her she's tried her best to be friends with everyone. She's been there for all of us, she's even put herself in harm's way for us. Heck she'd barely been in the club a month when she stood up against the witch hunter. And back at the forest after you verbally abused her entire family, she still went out of her way to try and protect you. How can you discount that empirical evidence you've witnessed yourself?"
I sighed and shook my head again, "I don't know. It just feels wrong."
She watched me for another half minute or so, then commented "You're usually pretty logical about things Kaylee. Then again, I know logic and emotions don't really go hand in hand. And Cass is the first girl you've ever fallen for, right?"
That made me blush, and I quickly had another gulp of my frap as a distraction.
"Yeah," I finally admitted. "My first crush, my first girlfriend. And now I guess she's my first ex-girlfriend..."
"You still like her though," Paige pointed out. "And from the sound of it you want to get back together with her, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation."
I nodded slowly, "Yeah, I do. Except I keep coming back to that other stuff, and I can't seem to let it go."
"It probably doesn't matter now anyways," I added with a sigh. "After the stuff I said in the forest, I doubt Cass will ever want to get back together with me."
"I'm pretty sure you're Cass's first crush and first girlfriend too," she responded. "She's not happy with how you've been acting, especially towards Nina. But I don't think she hates you."
Paige paused to have another sip of her latte before commenting, "I think you're on the right track about questioning yourself and some of the things you believe in. Maybe think about why you have those beliefs, and where they came from? If you can work through all that and sort yourself out, then maybe you can try to apologize and start patching things up with Cass? Assuming that's what you want."
I thought that over as I had another sip of my drink.
"Ok Paige," I finally agreed, "You're probably right. Thanks for listening, thanks for the suggestions."
She smiled, "Any time Kaylee. And thank you for the latte."
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=::= Kaylee's PoV =::=
"Here you go sweetie," dad said as he pulled the car to a stop in front of the cafe. "Call me when you're ready to come home."
I forced a smile, "Thanks dad. I might get a lift from Paige if she's got the minivan, but if not I'll let you know."
He waved as I closed the door, then pulled away while I turned and headed for the cafe door. It was Saturday afternoon so the place was pretty busy, but Paige already texted me during the drive over that she was there and had a table. The whole parking lot was packed too, between people getting their groceries and folks doing last-minute back to school shopping.
I spotted Paige as soon as I entered, she was sitting at a small table off to the side. The two of us waved to each other, then I lined up at the counter to get myself something. I ended up going for a mocha frap, with a double shot of chocolate syrup and extra whipped cream.
The way I'd been feeling lately, I decided that I needed to spoil myself a little. I hadn't seen or spoken with Cass since that day in the woods with the fairies. The only contact we'd had was just over a week ago, the day before her birthday.
We exchanged a few texts, and there was some talk about the two of us maybe starting over from scratch. As friends maybe. Except at the end of the conversation she asked me not to come to her eighteenth birthday party after all. And that made it perfectly clear, she and I weren't even friends anymore.
The whole situation left me feeling awful, and I was hoping Paige could help me figure out a way to deal with it.
It took a couple minutes to get my order, then I headed over to join Paige at her table. We exchanged greetings as I slipped off my fall jacket then got comfortable in the chair across from her.
"So what's up?" Paige asked once I was settled. "What did you want to talk about?"
I grimaced and had a sip of my drink, then responded "I'm not doing great. And I'm sure you can guess what I wanted to talk about. Anyways, how are you doing?"
After a sip of her latte she shrugged, "I'm ok. Pretty much all ready for school next week? I don't know if I'm looking forward to it, but I'm sure it'll be exciting in a way. Grade twelve right, our last year of high school."
"Yeah," I sighed. I was about to mention how Miss Hawthorne wasn't going to be there, but I held back. I was positive all my friends had heard me complain about that more than enough already.
Paige had some more latte as she watched me, then asked "So what's on your mind? Is this about Cass?"
"Yeah," I sighed. "I know I haven't been a good friend, let alone a good girlfriend to her. And after the awful stuff I said to her that day in the forest, nobody could blame her for never wanting to see me again."
"That wasn't all your fault though," Paige replied. She lowered her voice as she continued, "You were under fae influence. They put those words in your mouth Kaylee, you can't blame yourself for that."
My cheeks coloured and I had a gulp of my drink, then shook my head. "That's not what they did, Paige. They didn't make me say that stuff, not exactly."
I lowered my voice and admitted, "One made me more bull-headed so I'd argue and wouldn't listen, another made me more aggressive so I'd be meaner, and the third one made me more impulsive so I'd talk without thinking. They said I was already a bigot, all they did was make it so I'd say what was on my mind."
"Cass knows all that too," I added with a sigh. "I heard them tell her exactly what they did and didn't do to me."
A troubled frown settled on her face as she stared down at her latte for a few moments. She finally looked up at me and asked, "So you really think like that? You think Cass and her family are monsters or something? What about Melanie, do you think she's a monster too?"
I shook my head, "I don't really know what I think anymore? I look at Cass and I still see the cute little brunette I started crushing on last halloween? And I think about all the fun we had together over the winter and in the spring, and how I was teaching her magic and how lucky I was to finally find the cute perfect witchy girlfriend I'd been hoping for."
"But then she started bragging about how she's part demon?" I sighed. "She even taught herself demonic magic. Then half the time we get together Ninaya's there too? And all I see when I look at her is the demon who threatened us and tried to kill Cass back in June."
"Nina didn't try very hard," Paige pointed out. "And she caved in and gave up as soon as you and Cass challenged her. But I get your point Kaylee, Nina started out on the wrong side. I don't think she was ever evil though? I think she was lonely, and probably desperate for acceptance and easily manipulated. So she went along with what Socha wanted."
She continued, "As for Cassandra, who and what she is hasn't changed. The only difference between now and last spring is she's learned the truth about herself. Like you said, she's still the same cute little brunette she was last halloween."
I slowly shook my head, then had a gulp of my frap. "I know that? But I can't change how I feel. And you heard what May said about demons, you know how dangerous they are. Ninaya claims to be fifteen hundred years old, while we've only known her for less than three months. I just can't shake the feeling that she's a threat."
After draining the last of my sugary drink I continued, "Then there's the club stuff? Once again I know in my head that Cass didn't do anything wrong, but the fact remains that May left us because of her. Before Cass barged in on us it was you, me, Brooke, and Marissa. And everything was good. Then Cass came along, and suddenly we're hanging out with werewolves and angels and demons, Miss Hawthorne's left the club and the school, and everything's different."
My friend sighed and slowly had a few sips of her latte. She finally looked at me and shook her head, "Kaylee, saying it's Cass's fault that Miss Hawthorne's gone is straight-up victim blaming. May left us because she made a bunch of big mistakes, and the last one put Cassandra in the hospital. I think maybe you need to reconsider your opinions about her."
"About Cass?" I asked with a frown. "I already know I'm torn about her, I -"
Paige shook her head again, "Not Cass. I mean you need to reevaluate what you think about May Hawthorne. She's not the good person we all thought she was."
My frown got deeper as I asked, "I don't understand, what's to evaluate? She was our teacher, she was the club sponsor, the club founder, and she protected us and helped us learn magic."
"And we also know she's a Goddess," I added in a half-whisper, not that anybody was paying attention to the two of us.
My friend nodded, "She was all those things, but none of that made her a good person."
I started to protest but Paige cut me off, "Kaylee she lied to us, she used us and manipulated us. Her carelessness sent Cass to the hospital, and in the end she never apologized for any of it. She didn't even come clean about who she was or how she'd used us. She just packed up and disappeared."
"But..." I struggled to come up with a counter-argument. In the end though all I could do was repeat myself, "She was our teacher, sponsor, and the club founder."
Paige sighed and shook her head, "Kaylee I know you have a thing about authority figures, but you need grow up and open your eyes. Just because someone's a teacher or a leader doesn't mean they're right. And it definitely doesn't give them some sort of moral superiority. That goes double for cops and politicians. And apparently Goddesses too. The same goes for parents. Just because someone has authority doesn't automatically make them right or good. It's the opposite, when someone's in a position of authority they need to be scrutinized even harder, to make sure they're not abusing it."
I almost had to bite my tongue, to keep from saying the next few things that came to mind. Like I knew sometimes there were bad apples, but that didn't mean everyone in authority was bad. And even if May made some mistakes, she also did a lot of good.
A minute or so passed without either of us saying anything, and it started to feel awkward. So I gestured at her cup and asked, "Can I get you another latte? I'm going to get myself another drink."
"Ok. Thanks Kaylee," Paige smiled.
I just nodded, then got up and got back in line again. It gave me another couple minutes to think about everything she said, and to try and make some sense out of my mixed-up thoughts and feelings.
A few minutes later I sat back down again with the drinks, but I still hadn't made any progress figuring this stuff out. Paige thanked me for the latte while I had a sip of my second sugary frap.
"I feel like I keep going in circles with all this stuff," I said with another sigh. "I like Cass, I'm attracted to her, and I want things between us to go back to how they were in the spring. I want my cute perfect witchy girlfriend back. But then she talks about how she's not a witch and doesn't want to use the magic I taught her. And she talks about being part demon as if it was something to be proud of? It makes me question her judgement, like she's happy about not being human."
"And I know her parents are nice people," I continued, "I'm glad they were able to help Brooke's mom. But then I question their judgement and their motives when they turn around and not only let Ninaya stay with them, they even adopted the demon and gave her a human name? Now they're all acting like she's part of their family."
Finally I sighed, "As for the stuff about May, all we know for sure is what Cass told us. Miss Hawthorne never confirmed any of it, never even acknowledged it."
"If it wasn't true then why would she leave?" Paige pointed out. "Actually when you asked her why she was leaving, May did kind of confirm some of it. She said she'd been doing some immoral stuff and that she needed to rethink her behaviour."
She added, "That and she said her reputation had suffered because she'd seriously injured a student. She wouldn't even say Cass's name, and she didn't apologize for anything. I'm sorry Kaylee, I know you liked her. So did I, so did Cass. She might have been a good teacher, but Miss Hawthorne wasn't a good person."
Then she sighed, "And Kaylee? Cass was never your witchy girlfriend. Like I said a few minutes ago, she's always been who she is now. We only just found out the truth in June, same as she did. If you loved her when you thought she was a witch but don't love her now that you know she's part demon, then I have to ask if you ever loved her at all. Because it sounds more like you're focused on some ideal version of her that only existed in your head."
I frowned as I thought all that over, then ended up having another gulp of my drink. I really wanted to argue, a lot of what she said felt wrong to me, but I couldn't come up with any good ways to counter the things she just said. We both ended up just sitting quietly for another minute or two, sipping our drinks and thinking about this stuff.
Eventually I shook my head, "I understand what you're saying Paige, and maybe I agree with you on some points, in theory? But I can't shake how I feel. Demons are evil and dangerous. May told us that, religion tells us that, popular culture tells us that. Having that demon around feels wrong to me. And the way Cass treats her like family feels wrong too, just like it feels wrong for Cass to act like she's proud of being part demon herself."
Paige had a thoughtful frown on her face as she watched me for a few moments.
After another sip of her latte she commented, "It's like I said earlier Kaylee, you have some kind of blind spot for authority figures. Think about it? All those sources are telling you demons are evil and dangerous, but we actually know a demon. Two if you want to count Cassandra. You helped defeat Nina back in June just by standing up to her and calling her bluff. Then ten days ago you brought her to tears just by being mean to her. And what did the dangerous evil demon do? She ran home and hid in her bedroom."
"As for Cass," she continued, "In all the time I've known her she's tried her best to be friends with everyone. She's been there for all of us, she's even put herself in harm's way for us. Heck she'd barely been in the club a month when she stood up against the witch hunter. And back at the forest after you verbally abused her entire family, she still went out of her way to try and protect you. How can you discount that empirical evidence you've witnessed yourself?"
I sighed and shook my head again, "I don't know. It just feels wrong."
She watched me for another half minute or so, then commented "You're usually pretty logical about things Kaylee. Then again, I know logic and emotions don't really go hand in hand. And Cass is the first girl you've ever fallen for, right?"
That made me blush, and I quickly had another gulp of my frap as a distraction.
"Yeah," I finally admitted. "My first crush, my first girlfriend. And now I guess she's my first ex-girlfriend..."
"You still like her though," Paige pointed out. "And from the sound of it you want to get back together with her, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation."
I nodded slowly, "Yeah, I do. Except I keep coming back to that other stuff, and I can't seem to let it go."
"It probably doesn't matter now anyways," I added with a sigh. "After the stuff I said in the forest, I doubt Cass will ever want to get back together with me."
"I'm pretty sure you're Cass's first crush and first girlfriend too," she responded. "She's not happy with how you've been acting, especially towards Nina. But I don't think she hates you."
Paige paused to have another sip of her latte before commenting, "I think you're on the right track about questioning yourself and some of the things you believe in. Maybe think about why you have those beliefs, and where they came from? If you can work through all that and sort yourself out, then maybe you can try to apologize and start patching things up with Cass? Assuming that's what you want."
I thought that over as I had another sip of my drink.
"Ok Paige," I finally agreed, "You're probably right. Thanks for listening, thanks for the suggestions."
She smiled, "Any time Kaylee. And thank you for the latte."
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