As the bell rang, I saw the senior walking around leisurely outside. The young me walked past me and approached the senior.
– Sunbae! Are you leaving early? Are you sick?
– No. I’m just going. Why are your clothes wet?
He leaned in and lightly touched my cheek. The senior abruptly lifted his gym uniform, sniffed it, and spoke fiercely.
– Is this milk? Fuck, who’s bothering you?
I couldn’t help but laugh at the senior who was interrogating me about what kind of kid the culprit was. He was a good person who was often misunderstood because he spoke harshly. Actually, he have a lot of worries and a friendly personality, but I think I was the only one who knew that.
– No, uh, I was playing around with a friend and…
– Ah.
When my senior noticed me blurting out the end of my speech in embarrassment, he stroked my head and advised me to be careful. The tips of my young ears were turning bright red.
– Then you should change.
– Yes…
– Do you want to borrow my clothes?
I eagerly nodded as I had been wondering how to sneak into another classroom and borrow clothes without being noticed, so I was very happy with the senior’s words. The senior held my forearm lightly and walked away. I didn’t say a word, just followed where he wanted me to go.
The senior’s hand came down gently, passing my wrist and touching my palm. My face became hot as a warm sensation traveled up my arm. I felt strange and embarrassed in front of my childhood crush and the young me. My steps slowed down.
The senior stopped at the back of the warehouse, where no students went because it was dark and said to be haunted. The senior suddenly took off his t-shirt. I was surprised because I had no idea borrowing meant lending the clothes he was wearing.
– Change your clothes.
He said. The low voice was soft and kind, and it tickled my ears. I received the senior’s shirt with a trembling hand. I heard cheers as they were playing football. The wind blew and the leaves rustled against each other, breaking the silence.
The young me and the senior sat side by side against the warehouse wall to kill time. It was because no one was looking for me, and the senior who said he was going didn’t leave. … No, it shouldn’t be like this. I’m supposed to be in gym class. I don’t have enough courage to skip class. It was an unforgettable scene, and at the same time, I was embarrassed by the young me who was not like me. Nevertheless, my younger self didn’t leave the senior’s side.
The senior said in a friendly voice.
– It’s hard to see your face these days.
– Ah… that’s…
– Why. What’s wrong?
– It’s just that your friends keep making fun of me… that’s why…
– Why would they…
The senior’s voice was not good. Well, I wouldn’t feel good if my friends didn’t like it either. I was scared that my senior might see me as a bad person. What if he didn’t like me? Suddenly, I realized I was clenching my hands tightly.
– What did they say? When did they start doing that?
– …
– It’s okay. Tell me
– They said it’s…weird…that I seem to like you so much.
‘…What.’
I felt like I’d been slapped in the back of the head. Come to think of it, I remember sharing snacks and hanging out with my senior’s friends at the beginning, but at some point, I didn’t remember that anymore.
The senior who had been listening silently murmured softly.
– Those silly punks. Do they have something wrong with their eyes? I like you more than they thought, and they can’t even see that.
‘…’
The more blurred the memory was, the more beautiful it becomes. So it’s not strange that I’m happy, excited, and ticklish just thinking of the senior. But what was this atmosphere? Something about it was a little different from what I remembered.
The senior then placed his palm on the back of my hand. My hand was buried beneath his. His hand felt like it was warming me. As the young me held hands with the senior, I didn’t know what to do, so when I bowed my head in helplessness, I noticed an arc was drawn gently on the corner of the senior’s mouth. He was gentle and affectionate as if he were looking at a young kid.
My senior and I were only two years apart, but he was very mature. It was very different from his monkey-like peers. As for how much it was… Well. He was calm and dependable like he was eight years older than me. At that time, ten years old seemed too old, and six years old seemed too young. It was because I was seventeen years old that twenty-five felt like more of an adult.
At that moment, the senior’s fingers gently dug between my fingers. I was surprised and tried to pull my hand away, but he squeezed my pinky finger harder. My hand was caught in his grip and I couldn’t move it. While I was staring at him in a daze, my senior spoke in a low voice.
– Shall I let go?
– …
The senior held my cheek with his other hand and we kissed. It was more like a peck. I was nervous and my hands were shaking as I tightly gripped my t-shirt, but I didn’t push him away or show any signs of dislike. Instead, I seemed to be happy and disoriented.
What. What was this?
I had been secretly wondering if I also liked boys in real life, but I never imagined that I could have a relationship with the senior I admired, let alone love him. My mind felt like it was about to blow up. We appeared very happy and innocent in my dream. I clutched my chest and buried my head against the floor as my breathing became erratic.
There was someone I liked, and we even loved each other.
The sound of children playing faded into the distance and I began to hear a ringing in my ears. If my memories were a sandy beach, all that was left to me was a handful of sand. I thought it was fortunate that I suddenly forgot my love. It may be selfish of me to think that way about someone I once loved, but if I remembered the person I loved so dearly when I was young, I would have been even more tormented by my fading memories.
The landscape turned upside down. It was a graduation ceremony. This was the senior’s graduation ceremony. It was a scene I had never seen before, but I recognized it right away. The tip of my nose started to sting for no reason, and tears began to fall drop by drop. The senior walked around the playground alone among graduates holding bouquets and taking pictures with their families.
He turned around slowly as if looking for someone. Even as the people shivering in the cold wind hurried to leave, the senior stayed behind and guarded the empty field. I didn’t know much about the senior, but I knew that no one was coming to congratulate him on his graduation. Even so, the senior kept his graduation ceremony until the end and then left.
I stared blankly at his back as he walked away, but suddenly he threw his name tag on the ground. He was not the type of person to carelessly discard things. I staggered over to it like a possessed person with tears streaming down my face. I wanted to see your face… or at least your name.
But before I could reach it, someone came running and snatched the senior’s name tag, then ran away. Although he had grown considerably taller, I recognized him at a glance. It was me. Frustration and pain overwhelmed me. This wasn’t right, but I couldn’t control my emotions. I screamed in sadness and despair in the empty field that felt hollow and empty.
‘Send me home. Just send me home.’
It must be the same book that shows this. I couldn’t understand why it was taking away my memory and showing it again like this. Did it just want to torment me? I don’t know what I did wrong to deserve all of this.
– Hyung. Don’t cry.
I buried my face in my hands and cried when I heard a familiar voice. I wondered if someone was comforting me, but I saw myself hugging someone in front of me and comforting him. It was like the most recent me. It just felt that way and I knew it. But I had no idea who I was comforting so tenderly and wistfully.
Ah, the feeling of being an idiot was terrifying, frustrating, and lonely. I buried my tear-stained face in my hands again and wept silently. It’s a memory that I don’t know anyway. I didn’t want to see it anymore. I just wanted to cry until my tears dried up and until I woke up from the dream
Someone gently wrapped their hand around my cheek and turned my head. I heard a voice, but the sound wasn’t clear for a moment because of the ringing in my ears. When I opened my eyes, everything was blurry. As I blinked my eyelids several times, tears fell heavily and everything became clear. Tae Seong-je frowned as if he was upset.
“Are you okay?”
There was blood on his fingertips. I must have had a nosebleed again. I nodded roughly in exhaustion, then frowned as my head hurt like it was going to explode and I felt dizzy. I felt nauseous and covered my mouth with my hand.
“Uh, yeah. I’m usually like this…”
Tae Seong-je frowned at my words and said calmly.
“Your ears are bleeding.”
As the bell rang, I saw the senior walking around leisurely outside. The young me walked past me and approached the senior.
– Sunbae! Are you leaving early? Are you sick?
– No. I’m just going. Why are your clothes wet?
He leaned in and lightly touched my cheek. The senior abruptly lifted his gym uniform, sniffed it, and spoke fiercely.
– Is this milk? Fuck, who’s bothering you?
I couldn’t help but laugh at the senior who was interrogating me about what kind of kid the culprit was. He was a good person who was often misunderstood because he spoke harshly. Actually, he have a lot of worries and a friendly personality, but I think I was the only one who knew that.
– No, uh, I was playing around with a friend and…
– Ah.
When my senior noticed me blurting out the end of my speech in embarrassment, he stroked my head and advised me to be careful. The tips of my young ears were turning bright red.
– Then you should change.
– Yes…
– Do you want to borrow my clothes?
I eagerly nodded as I had been wondering how to sneak into another classroom and borrow clothes without being noticed, so I was very happy with the senior’s words. The senior held my forearm lightly and walked away. I didn’t say a word, just followed where he wanted me to go.
The senior’s hand came down gently, passing my wrist and touching my palm. My face became hot as a warm sensation traveled up my arm. I felt strange and embarrassed in front of my childhood crush and the young me. My steps slowed down.
The senior stopped at the back of the warehouse, where no students went because it was dark and said to be haunted. The senior suddenly took off his t-shirt. I was surprised because I had no idea borrowing meant lending the clothes he was wearing.
– Change your clothes.
He said. The low voice was soft and kind, and it tickled my ears. I received the senior’s shirt with a trembling hand. I heard cheers as they were playing football. The wind blew and the leaves rustled against each other, breaking the silence.
The young me and the senior sat side by side against the warehouse wall to kill time. It was because no one was looking for me, and the senior who said he was going didn’t leave. … No, it shouldn’t be like this. I’m supposed to be in gym class. I don’t have enough courage to skip class. It was an unforgettable scene, and at the same time, I was embarrassed by the young me who was not like me. Nevertheless, my younger self didn’t leave the senior’s side.
The senior said in a friendly voice.
– It’s hard to see your face these days.
– Ah… that’s…
– Why. What’s wrong?
– It’s just that your friends keep making fun of me… that’s why…
– Why would they…
The senior’s voice was not good. Well, I wouldn’t feel good if my friends didn’t like it either. I was scared that my senior might see me as a bad person. What if he didn’t like me? Suddenly, I realized I was clenching my hands tightly.
– What did they say? When did they start doing that?
– …
– It’s okay. Tell me
– They said it’s…weird…that I seem to like you so much.
‘…What.’
I felt like I’d been slapped in the back of the head. Come to think of it, I remember sharing snacks and hanging out with my senior’s friends at the beginning, but at some point, I didn’t remember that anymore.
The senior who had been listening silently murmured softly.
– Those silly punks. Do they have something wrong with their eyes? I like you more than they thought, and they can’t even see that.
‘…’
The more blurred the memory was, the more beautiful it becomes. So it’s not strange that I’m happy, excited, and ticklish just thinking of the senior. But what was this atmosphere? Something about it was a little different from what I remembered.
The senior then placed his palm on the back of my hand. My hand was buried beneath his. His hand felt like it was warming me. As the young me held hands with the senior, I didn’t know what to do, so when I bowed my head in helplessness, I noticed an arc was drawn gently on the corner of the senior’s mouth. He was gentle and affectionate as if he were looking at a young kid.
My senior and I were only two years apart, but he was very mature. It was very different from his monkey-like peers. As for how much it was… Well. He was calm and dependable like he was eight years older than me. At that time, ten years old seemed too old, and six years old seemed too young. It was because I was seventeen years old that twenty-five felt like more of an adult.
At that moment, the senior’s fingers gently dug between my fingers. I was surprised and tried to pull my hand away, but he squeezed my pinky finger harder. My hand was caught in his grip and I couldn’t move it. While I was staring at him in a daze, my senior spoke in a low voice.
– Shall I let go?
– …
The senior held my cheek with his other hand and we kissed. It was more like a peck. I was nervous and my hands were shaking as I tightly gripped my t-shirt, but I didn’t push him away or show any signs of dislike. Instead, I seemed to be happy and disoriented.
What. What was this?
I had been secretly wondering if I also liked boys in real life, but I never imagined that I could have a relationship with the senior I admired, let alone love him. My mind felt like it was about to blow up. We appeared very happy and innocent in my dream. I clutched my chest and buried my head against the floor as my breathing became erratic.
There was someone I liked, and we even loved each other.
The sound of children playing faded into the distance and I began to hear a ringing in my ears. If my memories were a sandy beach, all that was left to me was a handful of sand. I thought it was fortunate that I suddenly forgot my love. It may be selfish of me to think that way about someone I once loved, but if I remembered the person I loved so dearly when I was young, I would have been even more tormented by my fading memories.
The landscape turned upside down. It was a graduation ceremony. This was the senior’s graduation ceremony. It was a scene I had never seen before, but I recognized it right away. The tip of my nose started to sting for no reason, and tears began to fall drop by drop. The senior walked around the playground alone among graduates holding bouquets and taking pictures with their families.
He turned around slowly as if looking for someone. Even as the people shivering in the cold wind hurried to leave, the senior stayed behind and guarded the empty field. I didn’t know much about the senior, but I knew that no one was coming to congratulate him on his graduation. Even so, the senior kept his graduation ceremony until the end and then left.
I stared blankly at his back as he walked away, but suddenly he threw his name tag on the ground. He was not the type of person to carelessly discard things. I staggered over to it like a possessed person with tears streaming down my face. I wanted to see your face… or at least your name.
But before I could reach it, someone came running and snatched the senior’s name tag, then ran away. Although he had grown considerably taller, I recognized him at a glance. It was me. Frustration and pain overwhelmed me. This wasn’t right, but I couldn’t control my emotions. I screamed in sadness and despair in the empty field that felt hollow and empty.
‘Send me home. Just send me home.’
It must be the same book that shows this. I couldn’t understand why it was taking away my memory and showing it again like this. Did it just want to torment me? I don’t know what I did wrong to deserve all of this.
– Hyung. Don’t cry.
I buried my face in my hands and cried when I heard a familiar voice. I wondered if someone was comforting me, but I saw myself hugging someone in front of me and comforting him. It was like the most recent me. It just felt that way and I knew it. But I had no idea who I was comforting so tenderly and wistfully.
Ah, the feeling of being an idiot was terrifying, frustrating, and lonely. I buried my tear-stained face in my hands again and wept silently. It’s a memory that I don’t know anyway. I didn’t want to see it anymore. I just wanted to cry until my tears dried up and until I woke up from the dream
Someone gently wrapped their hand around my cheek and turned my head. I heard a voice, but the sound wasn’t clear for a moment because of the ringing in my ears. When I opened my eyes, everything was blurry. As I blinked my eyelids several times, tears fell heavily and everything became clear. Tae Seong-je frowned as if he was upset.
“Are you okay?”
There was blood on his fingertips. I must have had a nosebleed again. I nodded roughly in exhaustion, then frowned as my head hurt like it was going to explode and I felt dizzy. I felt nauseous and covered my mouth with my hand.
“Uh, yeah. I’m usually like this…”
Tae Seong-je frowned at my words and said calmly.
“Your ears are bleeding.”
