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Depressing Illusion - Chapter 46

Published at 23rd of June 2023 09:44:37 AM


Chapter 46

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The abrupt and curt tone overshadowed my concerns and sadness. Anyway, I calmly assessed the priorities, taking into account this and that. I led the surprisingly obedient Tae Seong-je into the house and guided him into the bathroom. Park Kang-woo suddenly grabbed my arm as he had no idea what was going on.

“Hey, Seo Seung-won, what’s going on? What’s the situation?”

“Ah.”

“Ah? Did you forget about me?”

“No…”

I pressed my forehead as a headache started coming in. What should I say? “I’m sorry, but it seems like you got involved in a gay situation?” How awkward would he feel? I’ve come out of the closet unintentionally. No, it was outing myself. Thinking that way, I realized how bad Tae Seong-je had been. I could have figured it out if he had calmly assessed the situation as usual, but his anger clouded his judgment, and it seemed like he didn’t care about my perspective, which made me frustrated. It was ridiculous. I shouldn’t expect such things, and I shouldn’t have cared either.

Suddenly, I was worried because I didn’t know what Park Kang-woo thought about homosexuality. I had no intention of ending our relationship, just hiding it for a while. When Seo Seung-won returns, Park Kang-woo will be his friend again. While hesitating, I noticed a speck of saliva on Park Kang-woo’s chin. Suddenly, he looked pitiful. What kind of dreams could he have had? Since there was an obvious situation at hand, let’s make things clear.

I pushed Tae Seong-je into the bathroom and faced Park Kang-woo, hoping to keep my explanation brief and to the point. Tae Seong-je’s strong grip tightened around my arm at that moment. The door slammed shut with a loud bang, and my back collided with the bathroom wall before I could assess the situation. Tae Seong-je locked me between himself and the door as I opened my eyes wide and looked at him.

“If you want me to wash up so badly then you should be here as well.”

I hesitated, barely parting my lips.

“Why am I… watching you, hyung?”

“Then should I leave you there and hang out with that punk?”

Tae Seong-je dropped his indifferent expression and scowled fiercely. He brushed his wet hair back as he stepped back and unbuttoned his shirt. The fierce energy seemed to have subsided in comparison to earlier. I stared blankly at his now-calm demeanor. So he didn’t like that, so he’d rather I watch him shower? It was a mindset that no normal person would portray.

Muttering to myself, I quickly turned my head away when I caught sight of his broad shoulders and muscular chest. Even if I had seen them a few times, it was impolite to stare directly at someone’s body. I made excuses and tried to distract myself. However, when the sound of wet clothes being removed echoed in the bathroom, I couldn’t help the warmth that spread across my cheeks.

It was embarrassing to be in the same room as a man showering, but I knew it was pointless to expect him to listen to me. Park Kang-woo would still think of me strangely even if I left now. So maybe it’s best to just stay here. I exhaled heavily as I leaned against the door. I also wasn’t sure if Tae Seong-je would be upset with me for leaving without listening to him. Ah, I hope he didn’t get angry. My nerves were so on edge because of him that my head kept throbbing.

I soon heard the sound of water running. In an instant, the bathroom became warm and humid. I shook the hem of my clothes as I t felt uncomfortably sticky. The droplets of water splashed and bounced off the curtain, creating a rhythmic patter. The previously foggy window cleared for a brief moment before becoming hazy again. My attention kept wandering, and I couldn’t help but be distracted.

“Seong-je hyung.”

There was no reply. He doesn’t talk to me anymore. He must be in a bad mood as he doesn’t want me to leave or talk to him What does he want me to do? I crouched on the bathroom floor, my chin resting on my knees, and stared blankly at the white tiles.

Behind the stream of water and the door ‘Huh? uh?’ I could hear Park Kang-woo’s confused voice. I wished he would wait a little longer. I didn’t need to convince him or make him understand, but I felt like I needed to explain the situation properly.

“The shampoo is in the green bottle. I finished using the one I had before and replaced it. And that guy is Park Kang-woo, my high school friend.”

Do I have to explain this? No, there’s no one who did a background investigation. Didn’t you see properly? If you’re going to do it, you’re going to do it right, I couldn’t understand why I had to clean up other people’s shit.

“I went lost contact with him after I graduated. I held it in for so long. I think I know what you’re thinking, but it’s definitely not what you think, hyung.”

“What do you think I’m thinking?”

“Don’t play with words.”

After pointing it out, I suddenly became furious and asked back.

“No, are you serious? What do you think I did with him?”

Why should I have to deal with this gossip-monger? And to make matters worse, it’s not just any girl, but a guy—a brazen chatterbox at that. If Park Kang-woo had overheard it, he might have become even more outraged and stormed out. Yet, no matter how you perceive it, I was the one feeling more aggrieved. I grumbled while facing him directly, and the silhouette visible from the side abruptly stopped.

“Then why are you… shit.”

Tae Seong-je stuck out his head and scowled. He couldn’t continue speaking. Yeah, he probably can’t say it anyway. What can he say when he arrived knowing everything through someone else? I half-heartedly glanced at his hairstyle which had been slicked back after getting wet, and curtly retorted.

“What.”

My tone was harsher than I had expected. I realized it, but Tae Seong-je remained silent. Well, what could he do anyway? I snorted as I stared at the wall. Tae Seong-je was most likely never in a proper relationship. Everyone must have run away from him. No matter how flattering and handsome he is, who would tolerate a guy like him, who doesn’t even bother to contact you with his suspicious delusions and paranoia?

He says he finds me attractive, but what’s attractive about this? Attaching people as he pleases, not listening to a word I say, and misunderstanding me…

If I hadn’t known his circumstance, I would have exploded and asked if he didn’t have any friends to accuse me like that. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t have any because of his bad temper. I felt sorry for my next-door neighbor. At first glance, it seemed like there was a blue light outside, but I hoped it was just the dawn breaking. If they had woken up because of me…

I was grumbling internally when I heard the front door close. It was especially careful, but because it was inside the house, it was clearly audible. I raised my head and spoke louder.

“He’s gone!”

“Good.”

Tae Seong-je wiped his face with warm water and replied indifferently. Good? I couldn’t figure out what was good about it. Frustrated, I pressed my palm against my stiff eye area. Love has many meanings, but some of them were not called love. One of them is madness, and the one below that is obsession. And what Tae Seong-je was doing to me was obsession, not love. I knew how he saw me. I can vaguely understand it, but of course, it was hard to understand it completely.

“How come you still have doubts? If I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it to women all over the world. How could I get involved with him, or even get treated like that by any random woman…”

“Is that so, then try it.”

Tae Seong-je snorted subtly. In his narrowed eyes, it seemed like he was threatening to see how I would respond, so I clenched my lips tightly. No, I wouldn’t. I rubbed my face in frustration. That personality wreck, paranoid, crazy, pervert…

There was a tapping sound on the glass door as I cursed him inwardly. When he puts his hands away and raises his head, Tae Seong-je pointed his fingers with the tip of his chin raised. It was a confident, bordering on arrogant gesture. In my annoyed state, I looked at him carelessly and replied.

“Why.”

“Come here.”

I hesitated after getting up from my seat without realizing it. Was he asking me to come over as a subtle way of telling me to wash up? It was like telling me to wash because we’ll do it eventually. Is he crazy, did he want to do it in a situation like this?

I glared sharply at Tae Seong-je.

“I’m not going to do that today.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Ah, he’s playing around again.

His voice was light, and he had a casual smile on his lips. From the look on his dimples, he appeared to have regained his composure completely. What is this, has he loosened up? Getting angry, cooling down, acting casually… I don’t know what approach to take. Someone like him could never have a friend. And if he does, they will not be normal. Even if he introduced me to a friend, they would all be hired actors playing the role.

I couldn’t even relieve my anger and was full of dissatisfaction, but Tae Seong-je snapped his fingers again and said.

“I don’t intend to do it. It’s because I’m lonely to wash alone.”

That was some top-notch nonsense. He said that I was young and not stupid, but he expected me to believe that? However, I followed his words and took off my shirt. If I said no, I’d be coaxed into taking it off in the end, so I’d rather do it myself. I could see bruises like flowers on my white body when I took off my underwear. It was the price of falling down the street.

Tae Seong-je looked at me strangely. He must have seen the mess he had made for the first time, but he now looked at it with interest. I swallowed my saliva, unable to stop feeling strange. I was embarrassed as my soft nipples hardened without even being touched. Tae Seong-je seemed to notice as well and responded with a playful smile and a relaxed twinkle in his eyes.





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