Tears streamed down my face as he continued to wipe them away. It was ugly, but I was glad he liked my crying face. I could cry all day if I could hold onto him. Tae Seong-je stayed quiet for a while before opening his mouth. His voice was a bit hoarse.
“I can’t cancel it because it’s important.”
“Sob, sob… ah, what. You say I’m pretty when I cry, hyung, why, why do you lie…”
“Damn it. Stop that.”
Tae Seong-je let out a small sigh that was barely audible.
“Throwing a tantrum won’t help you get what you want.”
He frowned and locked his gaze on mine. He patted his chest as if it were a habit. It was an act of looking for a pack of cigarettes, but he was only wearing a shirt now, and this was a non-smoking building. If you want to smoke, you must go out at some point. Just the thought of him leaving made tears flow endlessly. He said I’m pretty, so why would he leave? Why would he abandon me? It seemed like he called me cute, but in reality, that wasn’t the case.
I clung to him despite the fact that my face was already full of tears.
“Hyung, you still want to… why are you holding back? Sob, please don’t just leave, okay? I want to be with you…”
I spread my legs that was already stained with his handprints, toward him. Tae Seong-je then grabbed my ankles and forced them to close. He then spoke firmly.
“You’re not in your right mind to say something like that.”
Tae Seong-je stood up and returned with lukewarm water that I had boiled the day before. Then he made me recline in his arms while holding a glass of water to my mouth and persuading me to drink. In fact, I opened my mouth without hesitation because I had been thirsty for a long time.
AD
My thirst subsided after I stopped crying and drank water. And it seemed that my mind was clearing. My cheeks were flushed from the belated shame and embarrassment. I couldn’t raise my head after sniffing my nose, so I lowered my gaze.
“I guess you’ve come to your senses now?”
“…”
Tae Seong-je put the cup on the table and wiped my face again with the damp towel. Suddenly, it seemed that Park Kang-woo’s note left on the table was nowhere to be seen.
“Me too… damn it, I also want to. It’s been a while since I saw you, and you’re doing such adorable things.”
“…?”
It doesn’t seem like I did anything to make him feel good…? Setting aside the feeling of being left out, I raised my head in confusion, and I could see Tae Seong-je’s eyes darkening as the shadow engulfed them.
He smiled with his eyes while gazing at my tear-stained eyes. It seemed like a satisfied expression. It was difficult to read his expressions or gaze, but I felt like Tae Seong-je looked visibly happy now.
Then, all of a sudden, his fingers slipped beneath me and began digging inside. I bent my body and crossed my legs, but his fingers continued to explore without hesitation, which felt incredibly stimulating. Despite the fact that I had asked him to do it, his constant teasing on the spot that had recently become sensitive caused my knees to buckle involuntarily.
“Ah, wait, hyung… Um, uh…”
“Just stay still. Even if you rest, you should rest without releasing any semen. You’ll have indigestion if you do.”
Ah, I didn’t even care about that, why all of a sudden.
“I, um… I’ll just… later… Ah, ah…”
I hurriedly spoke, but Tae Seong-je didn’t withdraw and instead skillfully scraped out the semen inside me. Even if that wasn’t his original intention, the way he provocatively stimulated the area that had become so sensitive made me feel an inexplicably strange sensation, as if my eyes were rolling back.
Shivering and whimpering, Tae Seong-je looked at me with a calm expression and asked,
“Do you like me so much that you’re willing to leave your friends and younger sibling behind?”
AD
I listened blankly, then shook my head, and then I understood. Uh… That’s what it looks like. Given the situation, it must have appeared that I prioritize him over family and friends. In reality, he practically chased Park Kang-woo away, but I didn’t deny it. I just nodded, thinking it was right to say that I liked him a lot.
Tae Seong-je rubbed my lips and opened his mouth.
“Your brother doesn’t seem to like me… Is your family strict? Do you think they’d kick you out if they found out you slept with a guy?”
He didn’t say I’m dating a guy, and we’re just sleeping…
Sometimes his choice of words baffles me. I took a moment to glance away. If it were my family, I wouldn’t have been able to take a single step out of the house until I had been beaten to the point of death and apologized that I wasn’t gay anymore.
Then, what about Seo Seung-won’s family?
“I don’t know…”
“Is that so? Whatever. Tell me if you get kicked out.”
… What does he mean by saying he’ll take care of things if I get kicked out? My urge to cry completely vanished. Tae Seong-je just kept smiling in a way that made people’s moods uneasy. Uneasily, I blinked my eyes rapidly, and once again, I heard the vibrating sound.
“… Hyung, stop. You’re late, right?”
“A little.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll get some rest, so you can go.”
When I finally gave up and backed away, Tae Seong-je patted my head like a good boy and returned my clothes to their original state. Yeah, I have to become an obedient and well-behaved boy to receive affection. Let’s not throw tantrums anymore. Now that there’s nowhere else to rely on, I keep feeling the desire to depend on Tae Seong-je, but the only person I should rely on is myself.
Tae Seong-je took his coat, boiled the water in the coffee pot again, and left the front door after roughly cleaning the dirty kitchen. I lay still on the bed and watched him, then ran out to see him off. Tae Seong-je smiled as if he couldn’t stop it. Since he was smiling, I smiled along with him.
“Hyung, be careful.”
“Lay down.”
“Yes… but, hyung, you haven’t eaten? Aren’t you hungry?”
“That’s right. Come to think of it, you haven’t eaten. Are not you hungry?”
“No, what about you, hyung?”
“You tell me first. Are you hungry?”
Tae Seong-je asked while tidying up the hair on my forehead. Unable to keep my feet still, I tapped the floor with my tiptoe and shook my head.
“I don’t have an appetite right now. I’ll sleep for a bit and then eat.”
“You should eat porridge instead of stew. I’ll send you porridge in an hour, so sleep for a bit, then eat that and take your medicine.”
I nodded and asked cautiously.
“Seong-je hyung, about us…”
As I hesitated for a while, Tae Seong-je asked impatiently.
“What about us?”
“Afterward… when will we see each other again?”
A smile formed at the corner of Tae Seong-je’s mouth in response to my question.
“I’ll contact you.”
It’s always like that. I slightly bit my lower lip and nodded quietly. It’s frustrating, but since I said I’m good at waiting first… Let’s not say one thing and then do the opposite.
“After taking your medicine, eat this.”
I saw his favorite mint candy as I lifted my head. I accepted the candy and laughed softly. I’m not a kid who would eat candy after taking bitter medicine, but when I realized it was the candy I bought back then, I couldn’t help but laugh. I could smell the salty flavor of the beach and the scent of cherry trees together as I remembered.
But suddenly, Tae Seong-je kissed me on the lips. I quickly covered my mouth in surprise.
“You’ll catch a cold.”
“Well, I’ve already done everything I had to do. If I were to catch it, I would have caught it earlier.”
Tae Seong-je teasingly smiled and kissed my hand that covered my mouth. As I tried to avoid him by taking a step back, he followed me and kissed the back of my hand again. The sound of smacking echoed teasingly. As a result, my face heated up as if it had been stained red.
Tae Seong-je smiled mischievously as he looked down at me, seemingly satisfied. My heart thumped wildly. He seemed so mature, yet he appeared to be only one or two years older than me at times like this. Well, I didn’t entirely dislike it. I couldn’t suppress the fluttering feeling.
When he squinted and looked down at me, I lifted my head and looked at his cheeks. As the shadow receded slightly and his dimple became more distinct, and he looked like a classic actor trapped in a black-and-white photo. At this point, I started to wonder if my heart was beating faster because of the fever or because of Tae Seong-je. Probability-wise, it’s more likely to be the latter.
When the front door was completely closed, I suddenly remembered his card that I couldn’t return. I thought I could give it to him next time, but when would that next time be? I stood there blankly, intending to go to bed to get some sleep, but I saw rain falling outside the window. It doesn’t look like it was raining hard.
“Hyung, you don’t have an umbrella…”
I quickly went back to the front door, took out an umbrella, and hesitated before putting it back. There should still be time left even if he’s already gone. Despite knowing that, I couldn’t easily step outside the front door. I lingered for a while before finally turning back.
The cool sound of pouring rain and the bubbling sound of boiling water harmonized exquisitely. I clutched my dizzy head and lay down on the bed. As I absentmindedly stared at the ceiling, I turned my body toward the wall, pressing one ear against the pillow to listen to the sound.
Various sounds of water reverberated in the quiet room, making my body feel damp. Sweat had soaked my forehead, causing my hair to stick. My body felt slippery as if I had showered with rainwater like yesterday. The sweat-soaked clothes clung to my skin.
My skin glowed as if it had been oiled, so I blankly looked at the back of my hand. There were traces of Tae Seong-je’s bite mark where he had kissed. I usually brushed off minor pain, so I couldn’t tell when it happened.
There was a vivid red mark on my wrist. It was large and red, clearly indicating that it was Tae Seong-je’s hand. It seemed like it would turn even darker over time. I didn’t realize it was painful at the time, but if it left a mark like this, Tae Seong-je must have been quite excited and unable to control his strength properly. It was strange, but I didn’t feel too bothered by the mark. It would be a hassle to hide it, and there would be many things to be careful about, but it was still okay.
I could feel my heartbeat racing as I remembered Tae Seong-je’s kiss on my wrist. The pleasant rhythm made me feel drowsy. Maybe it was because of the mood, but I could smell his scent on the blanket. It was faint, so I hugged the blanket tightly and buried my nose in it. Even though he wasn’t here right now, I could faintly sense his presence.
I yawned involuntarily and was about to fall asleep like that, but I realized that I should at least take a shower and sleep. As I headed toward the bathroom, Woo Ji-min came to mind. I forgot to contact him yesterday, so I thought I should send him a message now.
Tears streamed down my face as he continued to wipe them away. It was ugly, but I was glad he liked my crying face. I could cry all day if I could hold onto him. Tae Seong-je stayed quiet for a while before opening his mouth. His voice was a bit hoarse.
“I can’t cancel it because it’s important.”
“Sob, sob… ah, what. You say I’m pretty when I cry, hyung, why, why do you lie…”
“Damn it. Stop that.”
Tae Seong-je let out a small sigh that was barely audible.
“Throwing a tantrum won’t help you get what you want.”
He frowned and locked his gaze on mine. He patted his chest as if it were a habit. It was an act of looking for a pack of cigarettes, but he was only wearing a shirt now, and this was a non-smoking building. If you want to smoke, you must go out at some point. Just the thought of him leaving made tears flow endlessly. He said I’m pretty, so why would he leave? Why would he abandon me? It seemed like he called me cute, but in reality, that wasn’t the case.
I clung to him despite the fact that my face was already full of tears.
“Hyung, you still want to… why are you holding back? Sob, please don’t just leave, okay? I want to be with you…”
I spread my legs that was already stained with his handprints, toward him. Tae Seong-je then grabbed my ankles and forced them to close. He then spoke firmly.
“You’re not in your right mind to say something like that.”
Tae Seong-je stood up and returned with lukewarm water that I had boiled the day before. Then he made me recline in his arms while holding a glass of water to my mouth and persuading me to drink. In fact, I opened my mouth without hesitation because I had been thirsty for a long time.
AD
My thirst subsided after I stopped crying and drank water. And it seemed that my mind was clearing. My cheeks were flushed from the belated shame and embarrassment. I couldn’t raise my head after sniffing my nose, so I lowered my gaze.
“I guess you’ve come to your senses now?”
“…”
Tae Seong-je put the cup on the table and wiped my face again with the damp towel. Suddenly, it seemed that Park Kang-woo’s note left on the table was nowhere to be seen.
“Me too… damn it, I also want to. It’s been a while since I saw you, and you’re doing such adorable things.”
“…?”
It doesn’t seem like I did anything to make him feel good…? Setting aside the feeling of being left out, I raised my head in confusion, and I could see Tae Seong-je’s eyes darkening as the shadow engulfed them.
He smiled with his eyes while gazing at my tear-stained eyes. It seemed like a satisfied expression. It was difficult to read his expressions or gaze, but I felt like Tae Seong-je looked visibly happy now.
Then, all of a sudden, his fingers slipped beneath me and began digging inside. I bent my body and crossed my legs, but his fingers continued to explore without hesitation, which felt incredibly stimulating. Despite the fact that I had asked him to do it, his constant teasing on the spot that had recently become sensitive caused my knees to buckle involuntarily.
“Ah, wait, hyung… Um, uh…”
“Just stay still. Even if you rest, you should rest without releasing any semen. You’ll have indigestion if you do.”
Ah, I didn’t even care about that, why all of a sudden.
“I, um… I’ll just… later… Ah, ah…”
I hurriedly spoke, but Tae Seong-je didn’t withdraw and instead skillfully scraped out the semen inside me. Even if that wasn’t his original intention, the way he provocatively stimulated the area that had become so sensitive made me feel an inexplicably strange sensation, as if my eyes were rolling back.
Shivering and whimpering, Tae Seong-je looked at me with a calm expression and asked,
“Do you like me so much that you’re willing to leave your friends and younger sibling behind?”
AD
I listened blankly, then shook my head, and then I understood. Uh… That’s what it looks like. Given the situation, it must have appeared that I prioritize him over family and friends. In reality, he practically chased Park Kang-woo away, but I didn’t deny it. I just nodded, thinking it was right to say that I liked him a lot.
Tae Seong-je rubbed my lips and opened his mouth.
“Your brother doesn’t seem to like me… Is your family strict? Do you think they’d kick you out if they found out you slept with a guy?”
He didn’t say I’m dating a guy, and we’re just sleeping…
Sometimes his choice of words baffles me. I took a moment to glance away. If it were my family, I wouldn’t have been able to take a single step out of the house until I had been beaten to the point of death and apologized that I wasn’t gay anymore.
Then, what about Seo Seung-won’s family?
“I don’t know…”
“Is that so? Whatever. Tell me if you get kicked out.”
… What does he mean by saying he’ll take care of things if I get kicked out? My urge to cry completely vanished. Tae Seong-je just kept smiling in a way that made people’s moods uneasy. Uneasily, I blinked my eyes rapidly, and once again, I heard the vibrating sound.
“… Hyung, stop. You’re late, right?”
“A little.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll get some rest, so you can go.”
When I finally gave up and backed away, Tae Seong-je patted my head like a good boy and returned my clothes to their original state. Yeah, I have to become an obedient and well-behaved boy to receive affection. Let’s not throw tantrums anymore. Now that there’s nowhere else to rely on, I keep feeling the desire to depend on Tae Seong-je, but the only person I should rely on is myself.
Tae Seong-je took his coat, boiled the water in the coffee pot again, and left the front door after roughly cleaning the dirty kitchen. I lay still on the bed and watched him, then ran out to see him off. Tae Seong-je smiled as if he couldn’t stop it. Since he was smiling, I smiled along with him.
“Hyung, be careful.”
“Lay down.”
“Yes… but, hyung, you haven’t eaten? Aren’t you hungry?”
“That’s right. Come to think of it, you haven’t eaten. Are not you hungry?”
“No, what about you, hyung?”
“You tell me first. Are you hungry?”
Tae Seong-je asked while tidying up the hair on my forehead. Unable to keep my feet still, I tapped the floor with my tiptoe and shook my head.
“I don’t have an appetite right now. I’ll sleep for a bit and then eat.”
“You should eat porridge instead of stew. I’ll send you porridge in an hour, so sleep for a bit, then eat that and take your medicine.”
I nodded and asked cautiously.
“Seong-je hyung, about us…”
As I hesitated for a while, Tae Seong-je asked impatiently.
“What about us?”
“Afterward… when will we see each other again?”
A smile formed at the corner of Tae Seong-je’s mouth in response to my question.
“I’ll contact you.”
It’s always like that. I slightly bit my lower lip and nodded quietly. It’s frustrating, but since I said I’m good at waiting first… Let’s not say one thing and then do the opposite.
“After taking your medicine, eat this.”
I saw his favorite mint candy as I lifted my head. I accepted the candy and laughed softly. I’m not a kid who would eat candy after taking bitter medicine, but when I realized it was the candy I bought back then, I couldn’t help but laugh. I could smell the salty flavor of the beach and the scent of cherry trees together as I remembered.
But suddenly, Tae Seong-je kissed me on the lips. I quickly covered my mouth in surprise.
“You’ll catch a cold.”
“Well, I’ve already done everything I had to do. If I were to catch it, I would have caught it earlier.”
Tae Seong-je teasingly smiled and kissed my hand that covered my mouth. As I tried to avoid him by taking a step back, he followed me and kissed the back of my hand again. The sound of smacking echoed teasingly. As a result, my face heated up as if it had been stained red.
Tae Seong-je smiled mischievously as he looked down at me, seemingly satisfied. My heart thumped wildly. He seemed so mature, yet he appeared to be only one or two years older than me at times like this. Well, I didn’t entirely dislike it. I couldn’t suppress the fluttering feeling.
When he squinted and looked down at me, I lifted my head and looked at his cheeks. As the shadow receded slightly and his dimple became more distinct, and he looked like a classic actor trapped in a black-and-white photo. At this point, I started to wonder if my heart was beating faster because of the fever or because of Tae Seong-je. Probability-wise, it’s more likely to be the latter.
When the front door was completely closed, I suddenly remembered his card that I couldn’t return. I thought I could give it to him next time, but when would that next time be? I stood there blankly, intending to go to bed to get some sleep, but I saw rain falling outside the window. It doesn’t look like it was raining hard.
“Hyung, you don’t have an umbrella…”
I quickly went back to the front door, took out an umbrella, and hesitated before putting it back. There should still be time left even if he’s already gone. Despite knowing that, I couldn’t easily step outside the front door. I lingered for a while before finally turning back.
The cool sound of pouring rain and the bubbling sound of boiling water harmonized exquisitely. I clutched my dizzy head and lay down on the bed. As I absentmindedly stared at the ceiling, I turned my body toward the wall, pressing one ear against the pillow to listen to the sound.
Various sounds of water reverberated in the quiet room, making my body feel damp. Sweat had soaked my forehead, causing my hair to stick. My body felt slippery as if I had showered with rainwater like yesterday. The sweat-soaked clothes clung to my skin.
My skin glowed as if it had been oiled, so I blankly looked at the back of my hand. There were traces of Tae Seong-je’s bite mark where he had kissed. I usually brushed off minor pain, so I couldn’t tell when it happened.
There was a vivid red mark on my wrist. It was large and red, clearly indicating that it was Tae Seong-je’s hand. It seemed like it would turn even darker over time. I didn’t realize it was painful at the time, but if it left a mark like this, Tae Seong-je must have been quite excited and unable to control his strength properly. It was strange, but I didn’t feel too bothered by the mark. It would be a hassle to hide it, and there would be many things to be careful about, but it was still okay.
I could feel my heartbeat racing as I remembered Tae Seong-je’s kiss on my wrist. The pleasant rhythm made me feel drowsy. Maybe it was because of the mood, but I could smell his scent on the blanket. It was faint, so I hugged the blanket tightly and buried my nose in it. Even though he wasn’t here right now, I could faintly sense his presence.
I yawned involuntarily and was about to fall asleep like that, but I realized that I should at least take a shower and sleep. As I headed toward the bathroom, Woo Ji-min came to mind. I forgot to contact him yesterday, so I thought I should send him a message now.
