Hermione fumbled her words, her face beginning to burn with shame as she sputtered anything to change the topic. “So you know he’s hiding something from you, and that the guilt is crushing him. Do you enjoy seeing him in pain?” Pansy scoffed at Hermione, knowing full well what she was doing, but shrugged and obliged her. “I only enjoy what he feels the need to do in repentance I never ask. I’ll always be there for him, I’ve told him that, yet he doesn’t believe me. The curse of a liar I suppose, always believing others to be the same as himself.” Pansy shook her head with playful defeat, a smirk growing on her face just witnessing Hermione’s slightly agape mouth.
Pansy nodded at Hermione as she continued to explain. “I can’t be rid of his guilt, no matter how unfounded it is. Instead I now take care of his weighted heart. I enjoy caring for him, waiting for the time he feels able to tell me whatever little secret is agonizing him, and I will wait however long it takes.” Pansy’s face then slowly turned darker, as she leaned closer to Hermione. A dangerous glint shined in her eyes as she whispered in Hermione’s ear. “So understand this… He’s mine…”
Hermione held back a gasp of disbelief. The way Pansy was taking into account everything to completely ensnare Lucas befuddled her mind. The almost obsession Pansy had for monopolizing him. Before Hermione could even ask herself where this all came from, her mind latched onto Pansy’s last words. “He isn’t yours.” Hermione quickly spat back out, the idea of him being with someone else, especially someone like Pansy, sent butterflies in her stomach.
***
“He has the right to choose for himself.” Hermione continued, Pansy’s frown deepening in response, scowling at Hermione as she kept pushing back, and just as she was about to respond, she heard Lucas’ voice, calling from the stairs he was descending back down. “What are you all doing here?” Snapping her head to see him, and following his gaze, she noticed that while so focused on Hermione, she didn’t even realize both Luna and Chiara were now standing behind the girl she was glaring at.
“Hermione and Pansy were arguing over the way Pansy enjoys being treated when you feel guilty for keeping secrets from her.” While all girls remained silent in pondering what words to use, Luna suddenly spoke out, matter of factly. Everyone turned to her with different levels of shock, Luna blinking a few times and tilting her head. “Oh… Was that one of those times when I said too much…?” She asked, her eyes darting between Hermione, Chiara, and the empty air in between them both.
***
I looked at Pansy staring at Luna, her wide open mouth and hollow eyes of horror sunk my stomach, the very same look I worried she may show in sight of me one day. Silently thankful for Luna’s natural candidness, I glanced around for anyone eavesdropping. Seeing nobody else around, the large celebration dinner gathering everyone’s attention at the moment, I let out a small sigh before focusing back on the situation at hand. “Pansy, is that true?” I asked, her slight jerk accompanied by nervous fidgeting told me Luna’s words weren’t unfounded. “W-Well, It sounds worse than it is… Please, don’t be mad. Don’t be mad at me…” Pansy muttered, looking up at me with pleading eyes, tugging on my sleeve while placing her back towards the other girls, wanting to keep this between her and I.
My mind in shock and disbelief, still unable to process what Luna meant, there was no anger at all towards the shivering girl I had gotten close to over the years. “Pansy.” I spoke with as calm a tone I could, resting my hands on Pansy’s slightly shaking shoulders. “I’m not mad… Just confused. Explain it to me, please.” I slowly rubbed her arms to keep her in the moment, gently reassuring her to speak her mind.
She took some deep breaths before whispering her shame, unable to look me in the eyes as she winced with each memory. “After our first fight… I knew you wouldn’t tell me everything. A-And I was mostly okay with that.” She quickly nodded, affirming her statement while my stomach slowly turned itself into a knot just seeing her glistening gaze of worry. “I just needed to make sure that I was still special in your eyes… So I wanted you to prove it to me…” I squinted at her, slowly the past had come clear to me in hindsight, forcing me to mumble the obvious truth I had been denying myself from seeing. “You used my guilt as a measuring device…”
Pansy gasped, before grasping at my neck and angling my head down to see her tearful expression. “I was wrong! I know that doing that was wrong! After being with you, and helping you after feeding Nyx, I knew I was special to you and didn’t want you to feel bad anymore! I was selfish then, but I’ve changed!” She pleaded, tears beginning to run down her cheeks.
“She’s lying! She still enjoys when you’re feeling guilty for hiding the truth from her!” Hermione interjected, reminding me that we had an audience of my closest acquaintances. My face instantly flushed while Pansy snapped her head towards Hermione, almost baring her teeth as she yelled. “I like being treated like I’m special! Is that so wrong!? What was I supposed to do? Acknowledge I had woken up in the middle of your conversation!?”
I tilted my head, Pansy’s last sentence sticking in my mind. “You were awake?” I asked, Pansy jerking to attention as she slowly bit her bottom lip in regret. “Not to eavesdrop! I woke up from you petting my hair, and didn’t know how to interrupt.” I took a deep breath, slowly organizing my feelings on everything that had suddenly been thrust before me. ‘I remember her changing after that night with Nyx… After that, I began relying on her more often… Being more open with her…’
I was conflicted to say the least. She had played with my emotions, but learned on her own to stop, changing her ways without me even being the wiser. I was upset with her for being selfish in that regard, but remembered how much she comforted me afterwards, without a hint as to questioning what haunted me. I placed my hand over my eyes, blocking my vision as I spoke my feelings. “Pansy… I don’t like having my emotions toyed around with.” “Lucas, I swear-” She began interrupting as I took a breath, but I waved my other hand and shook my head to quiet her down. “Please, let me finish.” I muttered with a sigh.
I watched between the cracks in my fingertips, her meekly nodding her head with despair in her gaze. I felt sick, knowing what she had done abhorred me. I knew I had a right to be mad, but I couldn’t be with her tearful expression looking back at me. “What you did…” I started, but paused while shaking my head, knowing I had done arguably the same amount of damage to her. All of the effort she did in order to make sure she was held highly in my mind all came from my own secrets I kept from her. “Do you really not care to learn what I’m keeping from you?” I asked, my hand draping down from my face to my side, allowing me to see her large shimmering eyes quake.
She licked her dry lips, and gave a slow nod. “For the most part… I only want to tell you something important when you do… Sometimes I feel a little antsy…” She mumbled her last words, glancing at Hermione as well as Chiara and Luna with a complex frown, but quickly looked back to me, all hostility gone from her gaze. “But I will wait… If it’s for you.” She grabbed my hand down at my side, and held it between both of hers. However, her calm disposition crumbled under traces of worry still in her glistening eyes, and small sniffles.
She had been bearing a weight of her own, one that I never even acknowledged. I gulped with shame of letting her wallow alone in something I should have helped with, like she had done to me after realizing her wrong ways. “Let’s make a promise…” I spoke with a small smile, my chest clenching in excitement for some reason, soaring at the idea of us being closer together. “You promise to not play with my emotions…” I started, using my other hand to rest on top of her head, and pull her closer to me, enveloping her in a tight hug. One that didn’t bear any hint of repentance, nor penitence, only the warm and untainted feeling of what we both desired. “And I’ll promise to treat you closer out of nothing but my own desire to do so.”
Hermione fumbled her words, her face beginning to burn with shame as she sputtered anything to change the topic. “So you know he’s hiding something from you, and that the guilt is crushing him. Do you enjoy seeing him in pain?” Pansy scoffed at Hermione, knowing full well what she was doing, but shrugged and obliged her. “I only enjoy what he feels the need to do in repentance I never ask. I’ll always be there for him, I’ve told him that, yet he doesn’t believe me. The curse of a liar I suppose, always believing others to be the same as himself.” Pansy shook her head with playful defeat, a smirk growing on her face just witnessing Hermione’s slightly agape mouth.
Pansy nodded at Hermione as she continued to explain. “I can’t be rid of his guilt, no matter how unfounded it is. Instead I now take care of his weighted heart. I enjoy caring for him, waiting for the time he feels able to tell me whatever little secret is agonizing him, and I will wait however long it takes.” Pansy’s face then slowly turned darker, as she leaned closer to Hermione. A dangerous glint shined in her eyes as she whispered in Hermione’s ear. “So understand this… He’s mine…”
Hermione held back a gasp of disbelief. The way Pansy was taking into account everything to completely ensnare Lucas befuddled her mind. The almost obsession Pansy had for monopolizing him. Before Hermione could even ask herself where this all came from, her mind latched onto Pansy’s last words. “He isn’t yours.” Hermione quickly spat back out, the idea of him being with someone else, especially someone like Pansy, sent butterflies in her stomach.
***
“He has the right to choose for himself.” Hermione continued, Pansy’s frown deepening in response, scowling at Hermione as she kept pushing back, and just as she was about to respond, she heard Lucas’ voice, calling from the stairs he was descending back down. “What are you all doing here?” Snapping her head to see him, and following his gaze, she noticed that while so focused on Hermione, she didn’t even realize both Luna and Chiara were now standing behind the girl she was glaring at.
“Hermione and Pansy were arguing over the way Pansy enjoys being treated when you feel guilty for keeping secrets from her.” While all girls remained silent in pondering what words to use, Luna suddenly spoke out, matter of factly. Everyone turned to her with different levels of shock, Luna blinking a few times and tilting her head. “Oh… Was that one of those times when I said too much…?” She asked, her eyes darting between Hermione, Chiara, and the empty air in between them both.
***
I looked at Pansy staring at Luna, her wide open mouth and hollow eyes of horror sunk my stomach, the very same look I worried she may show in sight of me one day. Silently thankful for Luna’s natural candidness, I glanced around for anyone eavesdropping. Seeing nobody else around, the large celebration dinner gathering everyone’s attention at the moment, I let out a small sigh before focusing back on the situation at hand. “Pansy, is that true?” I asked, her slight jerk accompanied by nervous fidgeting told me Luna’s words weren’t unfounded. “W-Well, It sounds worse than it is… Please, don’t be mad. Don’t be mad at me…” Pansy muttered, looking up at me with pleading eyes, tugging on my sleeve while placing her back towards the other girls, wanting to keep this between her and I.
My mind in shock and disbelief, still unable to process what Luna meant, there was no anger at all towards the shivering girl I had gotten close to over the years. “Pansy.” I spoke with as calm a tone I could, resting my hands on Pansy’s slightly shaking shoulders. “I’m not mad… Just confused. Explain it to me, please.” I slowly rubbed her arms to keep her in the moment, gently reassuring her to speak her mind.
She took some deep breaths before whispering her shame, unable to look me in the eyes as she winced with each memory. “After our first fight… I knew you wouldn’t tell me everything. A-And I was mostly okay with that.” She quickly nodded, affirming her statement while my stomach slowly turned itself into a knot just seeing her glistening gaze of worry. “I just needed to make sure that I was still special in your eyes… So I wanted you to prove it to me…” I squinted at her, slowly the past had come clear to me in hindsight, forcing me to mumble the obvious truth I had been denying myself from seeing. “You used my guilt as a measuring device…”
Pansy gasped, before grasping at my neck and angling my head down to see her tearful expression. “I was wrong! I know that doing that was wrong! After being with you, and helping you after feeding Nyx, I knew I was special to you and didn’t want you to feel bad anymore! I was selfish then, but I’ve changed!” She pleaded, tears beginning to run down her cheeks.
“She’s lying! She still enjoys when you’re feeling guilty for hiding the truth from her!” Hermione interjected, reminding me that we had an audience of my closest acquaintances. My face instantly flushed while Pansy snapped her head towards Hermione, almost baring her teeth as she yelled. “I like being treated like I’m special! Is that so wrong!? What was I supposed to do? Acknowledge I had woken up in the middle of your conversation!?”
I tilted my head, Pansy’s last sentence sticking in my mind. “You were awake?” I asked, Pansy jerking to attention as she slowly bit her bottom lip in regret. “Not to eavesdrop! I woke up from you petting my hair, and didn’t know how to interrupt.” I took a deep breath, slowly organizing my feelings on everything that had suddenly been thrust before me. ‘I remember her changing after that night with Nyx… After that, I began relying on her more often… Being more open with her…’
I was conflicted to say the least. She had played with my emotions, but learned on her own to stop, changing her ways without me even being the wiser. I was upset with her for being selfish in that regard, but remembered how much she comforted me afterwards, without a hint as to questioning what haunted me. I placed my hand over my eyes, blocking my vision as I spoke my feelings. “Pansy… I don’t like having my emotions toyed around with.” “Lucas, I swear-” She began interrupting as I took a breath, but I waved my other hand and shook my head to quiet her down. “Please, let me finish.” I muttered with a sigh.
I watched between the cracks in my fingertips, her meekly nodding her head with despair in her gaze. I felt sick, knowing what she had done abhorred me. I knew I had a right to be mad, but I couldn’t be with her tearful expression looking back at me. “What you did…” I started, but paused while shaking my head, knowing I had done arguably the same amount of damage to her. All of the effort she did in order to make sure she was held highly in my mind all came from my own secrets I kept from her. “Do you really not care to learn what I’m keeping from you?” I asked, my hand draping down from my face to my side, allowing me to see her large shimmering eyes quake.
She licked her dry lips, and gave a slow nod. “For the most part… I only want to tell you something important when you do… Sometimes I feel a little antsy…” She mumbled her last words, glancing at Hermione as well as Chiara and Luna with a complex frown, but quickly looked back to me, all hostility gone from her gaze. “But I will wait… If it’s for you.” She grabbed my hand down at my side, and held it between both of hers. However, her calm disposition crumbled under traces of worry still in her glistening eyes, and small sniffles.
She had been bearing a weight of her own, one that I never even acknowledged. I gulped with shame of letting her wallow alone in something I should have helped with, like she had done to me after realizing her wrong ways. “Let’s make a promise…” I spoke with a small smile, my chest clenching in excitement for some reason, soaring at the idea of us being closer together. “You promise to not play with my emotions…” I started, using my other hand to rest on top of her head, and pull her closer to me, enveloping her in a tight hug. One that didn’t bear any hint of repentance, nor penitence, only the warm and untainted feeling of what we both desired. “And I’ll promise to treat you closer out of nothing but my own desire to do so.”
