It was the next day. We were gorging on sheeptaur meat that I had cooked with my fire by the front of the building. It's hard to call the reception area clean, splatters of varying hues of blood scattered everywhere, but we had tried to clear it out last night of corpses, lest we attract more monsters to this location.
Flaze was in her base form, looking towards a place far away. She gazed into the wider world outside, the monsters now waking up and walking the streets, a visceral display as they fought and ripped each other apart. But I knew that was not really what she was seeing, herself having gone quiet, taking slow chews of the food.
She heaved a heavy sigh, and I knew I was right.
What's wrong? I neighed.
She paused. Then turned to look at me.
She opened her mouth, but closed it, hesitating. I could see her mind working, she had something to say, but was working out the best way to say it.
"How many people died?" She finally asked.
I tilted my head.
"At my place! The building we burned down!"
Ah. That's what she meant.
Don't worry about it, I neighed. That was all me.
"No, no. It's not just you." She was somehow able to divine what I was thinking from my expressions alone. "I was there too, I could've chosen to help, I could have chosen to not be selfish and retrieve some fucking pictures over the lives of people."
She clutched her head and curled up on herself. We were sitting at the floor.
I looked at her, unable to say anything. I purred and just nuzzled against her as she began to cry.
"Do you really not care, Jackal? Do you really not care for lives you could have saved, lives that were in peril to begin with because of us? "
Me. Not us. There's no need to sugarcoat it Flaze. I know what I am. I know what I did.
"Sorry." She pushed away from me, and ran a hand against my fur. She smiled, but it held little weight. "You've always been like this, and you're a dear friend. I'm glad you're taking all this so well. It's just... I don't know, I guess you can't share in my guilt."
She looked at me, wide rivers of tears streaming down her face. "Because it eats me up, Jackal. It eats me right up..."
I know... Maybe I made a mistake, dragging you to get those pictures. I'm sorry. I bowed my head in a show of apology.
"Ah! No, Jackal! I don't mean to blame you really! I don't! Sorry if it came out that way..."
Ah yes. The "I'm sorry" loop. I laughed, and we were in sync enough for her to also do the same. Not a fake laugh, the humor truly finding her heart, but it only coexisted with the deep well of sadness within. It did not fill the perpetual void of emptiness, nor the endless labyrinthine of loss.
Really, I do feel guilt for it, for all the people I could've helped and didn't. For those that my own actions had killed. I feel sympathy, for the suffering of others.
I do. I really do. I just... I'm just fine with it. I'm at peace, with myself.
No matter how ugly. No matter how vile.
...
I just stayed with her like that, for a while, trying to give her what comfort I can. I tried to steer the conversation to more fun topics, despite not knowing how to speak. I pointed my hooves, to bring attention the the silliness of the monsters outside, or the random decorations of the lobby we were in.
"How can I be like you?" A voice asked, almost like a whisper. That was the first thing she said after a long moment of silence.
Flaze... I froze, I hesitated. I didn't know what to say, nor how to say it.
She sniffed, and looked away. I understood that she didn't really want an answer.
I shook my head, giving a quiet neigh.
You can't. You just can't...
Her back looked so fleeting at that moment, so fragile, so tired. She watched the chaos of the world's end with a gaze that looked just about ready to fall into it, and never emerge.
No matter how much Flaze tries to be otherwise, she's not the same kind of terrible person that I am.
Perhaps she can act the part, indulge in her most selfish of impulses, lose herself in whatever distraction she can find. It'd be hard, but her actions are under her own control.
But how she feels about it, I doubt that could be changed. At the very least, I know not how she may be able to do it.
I can't turn her into myself, and if I'm being honest, I like Flaze the way she is. I'd always found her attitude admirable, no matter how much I complain whenever I'm dragged into her projects. But it'd be far too selfish of me to try and shape her to my ideal, what I myself never even tried to become. For she's my friend, and while I may suffer the deaths of a million acquaintances, much less strangers, I shall never betray the trust of a friend.
So, if that's what she really wishes for, to become a scumbag like me, then I do hope she finds, the change she desires.
"I see." Flaze muttered, as if she had just heard whatever silly conviction I had come to in my head. She stood up and stretched, looking back towards the building and the stairs we have to climb.
"Don't look so sad, Jackal." She said. "I just needed to say all that, let it all out."
I grunted and stood up, following her lead as she once again donned her armor, a clone that had gone inactive nearby coming to life again and standing up front for whatever may come our way.
"There's so much shit. So much... Clutter. I just have to let it all out, and sometimes violence just isn't enough. There are... elements, that may only be excised through quiet introspection... and someone to talk to."
"So thank you, Jackal. For listening. And I'm sorry if you can't vent about your shit. I'm just rambling by myself here, and I know that can be very stressful to listen too..."
You're Welcome.
I neighed.
She smiled, and didn't push the subject any further.
~~~
We climbed up the stairs, we murdered through entire floors, and then we did it all again, making our way towards the upper floors where our friend may be. Or he could have not been here when the apocalypse hit to begin with.
My thoughts drifted back to Darkvoid, the one we're here to find, and I wondered. If he's even here. If he's even alive.
I'd met him in high school, a classmate in my first year. We hit it off from the very first day because, well... How do I say this? He said some weeb shit when he introduced himself to the class, and I said some weeb shit when I introduced myself to the class... Peas in a pod, birds of a feather. Only he retains much of the same attitude now, that he is older. Not to say I'm better for it, or that he's worse. People change, but my friendship with him is one that's really survived the test of time, and I'd like to keep it that way, even at the end of the world. Specially at the end of the world.
If anyone can truly enjoy this entire situation, then it'd be him, with his shit taste.
"He should be in the seventeenth floor," Flaze said, pulling out her sword from the chest of a chupacabra-looking creature. It was a level 55 warrior that was really good at bloodletting. I swear it had an ability to increase the bleeding of whatever cut it inflicts.
It took out two Flaze Clones, and the real one had to descend from my back in order to tank while I kept on beating it down. It finally fell, the real Flaze's shield half in tatters, her armor also suffering from multiple places.
I looked up at the ceiling, wondering how long this was going to take. And how Flaze even remembers this stuff.
I've been here before, I think. It's hard to keep track since Darkvoid keeps on moving. I just followed him to an elevator, and didn't really pay attention to what floor we were on.
I only remember it being pretty high up.
Does he have a thing for women that have a thing for high places?
Weird.
"Jackal. You're a horse." Flaze said, and I sputtered. "No, I can't magically understand you now. You were just making a face that seemed like you needed to be reminded of that."
I laughed. That was the first joke she cracked in three floors.
[Your Level has risen to 39!]
We kept on working on climbing up, the monsters increasingly easy to deal with. High level warriors were the most difficult to handle, more so than other Classes that could either be rushed down and killed quickly, or could be dragged into a prolonged fight where Flaze's Squire Form excels more than anything else.
I guess it's not really just warriors. They just tend to be the more well-rounded ones for some reason. And it's harder to kill monsters without an obvious weakness to exploit, when we're at a much lower level.
I guess Handlers with good heals are also troublesome.
Flaze Clone led ahead and pushed open a door to a room, and saw within another gathering of goblins. They were throwing plates at each other, and tossing entire couches and furniture through the broken windows, sending them crashing down below.
I wondered what and why their behavioral patterns are, but much as it is interesting, this just isn't the time.
I quickly took care of them, they didn't have a mage but there were two rangers I killed first, and then I stomped and kicked and shot fireballs at the rest. There was one larger goblin, a warrior with a club that looked like he had dreams of becoming a hobgoblin.
I ran away from him as he gave chase, circling the room and kicking him from behind me whenever he got close enough. He somehow never learned, although his club sometimes nicked my ass.
Not in that way.
Flaze waited in the sidelines, laughing, as I got my ass beat. Literally.
My eyes twitched in annoyance, but I knew that she was not leaving me all the work out of sloth or malice.
She'd come up with the idea, to have me fight by myself against the lower-leveled enemies. It'd give little benefit to herself, to kill those far below her own level. It was a plan that made sense, and it worked. I'd now already made it to 40, herself at 45.
Another strike from my pursuer's club reached me then, a jolt of pain from my bones popping out of place. I screamed and briefly halted, before kicking back knowing that my enemy had to be right behind. Keeping my cool even in times like this is also part of my current training.
[Your Party has defeated a level 17 Rouge]
...
[Your Party has defeated a level 40 Warrior]
[Your Level has risen to 40!]
I turned to Flaze after the battle and saw the smirk she had on the entire time while she only watched. She'd grabbed a bottle of wine from the previous room and was just drinking straight from it.
I neighed at her, both annoyed and expectant. She laughed and stuck the bottle in my horse mouth, before she went off to raid this place's pantry.
"Fuck. Those goblins have smashed everything in the fridge... for some reason?" She said as I arched my head back and allowed the drink to spill into my mouth and then my throat.
I followed Flaze into the kitchen, haphazardly tossing the glass bottle away, its shattering cracks heard right after. I saw her there, still rummaging through cabinets and drawers for more alchohol. I smirked and then slapped a heal on her, getting the weak 'poison' out of her system.
She blinked, and then stared at me in disbelief.
Flaze growled and bared her teeth, but I only laughed.
AN:
What'd you think of this chapter? I remember it being better and having a lot more fun when I first wrote it, but eh. It's still good. In my unbiased opinion.
Also. Chapter names. I'm gonna be honest. I have trouble coming up with chapter names. Any tips?
It was the next day. We were gorging on sheeptaur meat that I had cooked with my fire by the front of the building. It's hard to call the reception area clean, splatters of varying hues of blood scattered everywhere, but we had tried to clear it out last night of corpses, lest we attract more monsters to this location.
Flaze was in her base form, looking towards a place far away. She gazed into the wider world outside, the monsters now waking up and walking the streets, a visceral display as they fought and ripped each other apart. But I knew that was not really what she was seeing, herself having gone quiet, taking slow chews of the food.
She heaved a heavy sigh, and I knew I was right.
What's wrong? I neighed.
She paused. Then turned to look at me.
She opened her mouth, but closed it, hesitating. I could see her mind working, she had something to say, but was working out the best way to say it.
"How many people died?" She finally asked.
I tilted my head.
"At my place! The building we burned down!"
Ah. That's what she meant.
Don't worry about it, I neighed. That was all me.
"No, no. It's not just you." She was somehow able to divine what I was thinking from my expressions alone. "I was there too, I could've chosen to help, I could have chosen to not be selfish and retrieve some fucking pictures over the lives of people."
She clutched her head and curled up on herself. We were sitting at the floor.
I looked at her, unable to say anything. I purred and just nuzzled against her as she began to cry.
"Do you really not care, Jackal? Do you really not care for lives you could have saved, lives that were in peril to begin with because of us? "
Me. Not us. There's no need to sugarcoat it Flaze. I know what I am. I know what I did.
"Sorry." She pushed away from me, and ran a hand against my fur. She smiled, but it held little weight. "You've always been like this, and you're a dear friend. I'm glad you're taking all this so well. It's just... I don't know, I guess you can't share in my guilt."
She looked at me, wide rivers of tears streaming down her face. "Because it eats me up, Jackal. It eats me right up..."
I know... Maybe I made a mistake, dragging you to get those pictures. I'm sorry. I bowed my head in a show of apology.
"Ah! No, Jackal! I don't mean to blame you really! I don't! Sorry if it came out that way..."
Ah yes. The "I'm sorry" loop. I laughed, and we were in sync enough for her to also do the same. Not a fake laugh, the humor truly finding her heart, but it only coexisted with the deep well of sadness within. It did not fill the perpetual void of emptiness, nor the endless labyrinthine of loss.
Really, I do feel guilt for it, for all the people I could've helped and didn't. For those that my own actions had killed. I feel sympathy, for the suffering of others.
I do. I really do. I just... I'm just fine with it. I'm at peace, with myself.
No matter how ugly. No matter how vile.
...
I just stayed with her like that, for a while, trying to give her what comfort I can. I tried to steer the conversation to more fun topics, despite not knowing how to speak. I pointed my hooves, to bring attention the the silliness of the monsters outside, or the random decorations of the lobby we were in.
"How can I be like you?" A voice asked, almost like a whisper. That was the first thing she said after a long moment of silence.
Flaze... I froze, I hesitated. I didn't know what to say, nor how to say it.
She sniffed, and looked away. I understood that she didn't really want an answer.
I shook my head, giving a quiet neigh.
You can't. You just can't...
Her back looked so fleeting at that moment, so fragile, so tired. She watched the chaos of the world's end with a gaze that looked just about ready to fall into it, and never emerge.
No matter how much Flaze tries to be otherwise, she's not the same kind of terrible person that I am.
Perhaps she can act the part, indulge in her most selfish of impulses, lose herself in whatever distraction she can find. It'd be hard, but her actions are under her own control.
But how she feels about it, I doubt that could be changed. At the very least, I know not how she may be able to do it.
I can't turn her into myself, and if I'm being honest, I like Flaze the way she is. I'd always found her attitude admirable, no matter how much I complain whenever I'm dragged into her projects. But it'd be far too selfish of me to try and shape her to my ideal, what I myself never even tried to become. For she's my friend, and while I may suffer the deaths of a million acquaintances, much less strangers, I shall never betray the trust of a friend.
So, if that's what she really wishes for, to become a scumbag like me, then I do hope she finds, the change she desires.
"I see." Flaze muttered, as if she had just heard whatever silly conviction I had come to in my head. She stood up and stretched, looking back towards the building and the stairs we have to climb.
"Don't look so sad, Jackal." She said. "I just needed to say all that, let it all out."
I grunted and stood up, following her lead as she once again donned her armor, a clone that had gone inactive nearby coming to life again and standing up front for whatever may come our way.
"There's so much shit. So much... Clutter. I just have to let it all out, and sometimes violence just isn't enough. There are... elements, that may only be excised through quiet introspection... and someone to talk to."
"So thank you, Jackal. For listening. And I'm sorry if you can't vent about your shit. I'm just rambling by myself here, and I know that can be very stressful to listen too..."
You're Welcome.
I neighed.
She smiled, and didn't push the subject any further.
~~~
We climbed up the stairs, we murdered through entire floors, and then we did it all again, making our way towards the upper floors where our friend may be. Or he could have not been here when the apocalypse hit to begin with.
My thoughts drifted back to Darkvoid, the one we're here to find, and I wondered. If he's even here. If he's even alive.
I'd met him in high school, a classmate in my first year. We hit it off from the very first day because, well... How do I say this? He said some weeb shit when he introduced himself to the class, and I said some weeb shit when I introduced myself to the class... Peas in a pod, birds of a feather. Only he retains much of the same attitude now, that he is older. Not to say I'm better for it, or that he's worse. People change, but my friendship with him is one that's really survived the test of time, and I'd like to keep it that way, even at the end of the world. Specially at the end of the world.
If anyone can truly enjoy this entire situation, then it'd be him, with his shit taste.
"He should be in the seventeenth floor," Flaze said, pulling out her sword from the chest of a chupacabra-looking creature. It was a level 55 warrior that was really good at bloodletting. I swear it had an ability to increase the bleeding of whatever cut it inflicts.
It took out two Flaze Clones, and the real one had to descend from my back in order to tank while I kept on beating it down. It finally fell, the real Flaze's shield half in tatters, her armor also suffering from multiple places.
I looked up at the ceiling, wondering how long this was going to take. And how Flaze even remembers this stuff.
I've been here before, I think. It's hard to keep track since Darkvoid keeps on moving. I just followed him to an elevator, and didn't really pay attention to what floor we were on.
I only remember it being pretty high up.
Does he have a thing for women that have a thing for high places?
Weird.
"Jackal. You're a horse." Flaze said, and I sputtered. "No, I can't magically understand you now. You were just making a face that seemed like you needed to be reminded of that."
I laughed. That was the first joke she cracked in three floors.
[Your Level has risen to 39!]
We kept on working on climbing up, the monsters increasingly easy to deal with. High level warriors were the most difficult to handle, more so than other Classes that could either be rushed down and killed quickly, or could be dragged into a prolonged fight where Flaze's Squire Form excels more than anything else.
I guess it's not really just warriors. They just tend to be the more well-rounded ones for some reason. And it's harder to kill monsters without an obvious weakness to exploit, when we're at a much lower level.
I guess Handlers with good heals are also troublesome.
Flaze Clone led ahead and pushed open a door to a room, and saw within another gathering of goblins. They were throwing plates at each other, and tossing entire couches and furniture through the broken windows, sending them crashing down below.
I wondered what and why their behavioral patterns are, but much as it is interesting, this just isn't the time.
I quickly took care of them, they didn't have a mage but there were two rangers I killed first, and then I stomped and kicked and shot fireballs at the rest. There was one larger goblin, a warrior with a club that looked like he had dreams of becoming a hobgoblin.
I ran away from him as he gave chase, circling the room and kicking him from behind me whenever he got close enough. He somehow never learned, although his club sometimes nicked my ass.
Not in that way.
Flaze waited in the sidelines, laughing, as I got my ass beat. Literally.
My eyes twitched in annoyance, but I knew that she was not leaving me all the work out of sloth or malice.
She'd come up with the idea, to have me fight by myself against the lower-leveled enemies. It'd give little benefit to herself, to kill those far below her own level. It was a plan that made sense, and it worked. I'd now already made it to 40, herself at 45.
Another strike from my pursuer's club reached me then, a jolt of pain from my bones popping out of place. I screamed and briefly halted, before kicking back knowing that my enemy had to be right behind. Keeping my cool even in times like this is also part of my current training.
[Your Party has defeated a level 17 Rouge]
...
[Your Party has defeated a level 40 Warrior]
[Your Level has risen to 40!]
I turned to Flaze after the battle and saw the smirk she had on the entire time while she only watched. She'd grabbed a bottle of wine from the previous room and was just drinking straight from it.
I neighed at her, both annoyed and expectant. She laughed and stuck the bottle in my horse mouth, before she went off to raid this place's pantry.
"Fuck. Those goblins have smashed everything in the fridge... for some reason?" She said as I arched my head back and allowed the drink to spill into my mouth and then my throat.
I followed Flaze into the kitchen, haphazardly tossing the glass bottle away, its shattering cracks heard right after. I saw her there, still rummaging through cabinets and drawers for more alchohol. I smirked and then slapped a heal on her, getting the weak 'poison' out of her system.
She blinked, and then stared at me in disbelief.
Flaze growled and bared her teeth, but I only laughed.
AN:
What'd you think of this chapter? I remember it being better and having a lot more fun when I first wrote it, but eh. It's still good. In my unbiased opinion.
Also. Chapter names. I'm gonna be honest. I have trouble coming up with chapter names. Any tips?
