The funeral was over, and it was time for us to leave. We've spent so much time here, trying to go and find Darkvoid, only for our efforts to have been all for naught.
Hell, it's even worse than mere efforts wasted; Darkvoid would have never died if we didn't come. Then maybe later on we could have found a cure for monsterization. He could have been saved, had we not come.
It's that exact same thought over and over and over. No matter how much I try to tune it ou of my mind, it just comes back with the slightest of prompting.
Fuck.
I get it. I fucking suck. I killed my friend. I know!
Please leave me alone already.
"Jackal..." Flaze said, clearly thinking over her words. "It's okay."
No, it's not. I neighed, and huffed.
"I... You're right." She paused, shook her head, and then got on my back. "Let's go. Maybe... maybe some of our friends are still alive."
A cynical part of myself wondered for a second, if that was even true. The lethality of the apocalypse still a question that needs to be answered.
But, well, it'd be an exaggeration to say that the chances are zero, when it has already happened, people having survived. I just want to do something else right now. Anything.
[Longstrider].
My running speed was cranked to the maximum, the corridors were a chaotic blur as I barreled through them. I felt Flaze strain on my back in surprise, I'd given her no chance to summon her clone out in order to scout ahead. We've already killed most of the monsters here. i don't care.
I came upon a turn, and kicked against a wall, and then another, just to get my bearings straight. I was going so fast that I could no longer maneuver in any manner close to proper.
A goblin in the way was splattered, a gremlin that tried to give chase was left in my dust. I felt the wind buffeting my face, the danger, and I heard myself neigh. An almost happy sound.
We came upon another turn, and Flaze had to kick against the wall as well, just to keep ourselves from crashing. That gave me some pause, a seed of hesitation, but I swallowed it back and plowed my way forth.
We arrived at the next stairwell down, and I jumped.
There was a feeling of weightlessness, the beauty of flight. It didn't last very long, for in the next moment I face-planted straight into a wall, both the concrete and my skull cracked heavily by the impact.
The world spun even harder, as I came to a stop. I slumped to the ground, feeling for the first time the pain shooting up into my core.
I neighed, and screamed. I got up in a panic, unable to tell what's up from left. My head felt wet, red clouded vision, until I felt a pair of hands around my torso, and then another by neck.
"Jackal." I heard someone call my name. A serenade of calm in the unending chaos. The familiar voice of a friend that has stayed by my side for so long.
It was Flaze.
I tried to thrash around again, out of sheer instinct, an irrational reaction. She only held me down, gently but firmly. I heard her voice enter my ears, in what was almost a whisper. "It's okay. It's okay, Jackal. You're fine. You're just... fine."
At some point, I started to believe her, and I calmed down.
My vision returned to me, I collapsed to the ground. I saw Flaze sitting beside myself, both her and her clone in the garb of a squire.
"You feeling better?" She asked kindly, forcing a smile. I know that this just as hard for her as it was for me.
I nodded, feeling another burst of pain from my head, and then my neck.
'You should... Heal yourself, probably."
Ah. RIght. I can do that.
[Blessed Heal].
My breathing steadied, as I felt my wounds mend themselves. Skin was stitched back together, skull and bone made whole again.
It took another cast of the Skill for myself to be good as new.
[The Skill, [Blessed Heal], has reached level 2!]
_____________
[Blessed Heal] (Level 2 / Integration 100%)
Heal yourself or a designated ally.
Level 2: The skill becomes better at healing and removing certain conditions and debuffs.
_____________
Oh. Well, that's nice.
I got back up and looked at my surroundings, getting my sense back for where the fuck I was. I was in a landing, the narrow space in between two sets of stairs. The wall before me was heavily dented, pieces of rock falling off.
That wouldn't be the worst attack if I had horns, or perhaps a domed head.
I saw Flaze sitting in a corner by the next set of stairs down. Her eyes were set on a far off place, gazing into a distance unseen.
I sat near her and huffed. Sorry about that. I... I don't know what came over me.
She smiled and shook her head, I noticed that her eyes were moist, she must have been crying. "It's fine. You needed a good vent. Not like I hadn't done the same, since this all started."
I... You're right. I neighed.
"So..." She pointed down the stairs. "You wanna take some more time, or should we go.
I thought it over for a short while. No. I'm good now. Let's go.
~~~
"Philip." Flaze said after a while, her voice perfectly audible to my senses despite the speed we were going at. I hadn't used my Longstrider again, but I was still hurrying. "Forget the other ones. We don't have the time to save everyone."
Flaze had originally wanted to check on a lot more people because she's got friends everywhere. But now she's suddenly told me that it wasn't necessary anymore to go check up on them at their homes, shortening her list and our route to only Philip's abode. A mechanic with his own shop downtown, .
You sure? I neighed, questioning. I'm certainly not opposed, trying to get to all of them would be a major hassle, but if Flaze really wanted to check up on them then I'd go with her.
"Yes I'm sure, Jackal." She said. "You prefer it this way anyway, don't you?"
Ouch. That hurt. I know she's not wrong, but... She didn't have to say it like that. She knows I'm do or die for my friends, my true friends. She need only say the word and I'm prepared to commit the worst of war crimes.
Okay, she won't be happy hearing that, if I could actually speak and tell her.
I stopped in my tracks to write upon a nearby wall with fire.
Not if you're forcing yourself. You've roped me into plenty of shit before. A bit late to start feeling embarrassed.
The handwriting was squiggly and a mess, but I can get more words out this way. Even an entire sentence, or two.
She sighed. "They're dead anyway. What's the fucking point?"
...
I tried to think of what to say; since I'm only neighing, I was tempted to just pretend to be saying something profound and have her fill in the blanks.
What do I even say to that? That she's right? Or that she's wrong?
I don't fucking know!
Tsk.
Whatever. They're her people, not mine. It doesn't really matter to me if they live or die. It was only by her will that I was willing to go check on random people who were acquaintances at best for myself.
Though I do wish Darkvoid is the only friend I end up losing. That sucked. Why couldn't someone else have been monsterized instead, so that he may have lived? It's unfair.
We went back on our way, eventually passing the tenth floor where Steven should be with his fucked up goblin family. I saw Flaze pause, clearly thinking, but she made no mention of paying him a visit. I didn't bother to bring it up myself.
I don't hate the kid, but I don't care for him either. He's just wasting his time on a wild goose chase. Monsterization is permanent. There can be no way to bring them back. Otherwise, with Darkvoid dead, by our hands...
Argh!
Fuck.
Why couldn't we have done the same
A sheeptaur charged at us, just like the ones we came across at the reception of this building. It was one level short of forty.
The monster died, burning and sliced up. I didn't even bother to stop our travels, against something that weak.
My thoughts drifted back to Darkvoid. My errors, and what I could have done different.
We could have saved him. We really could have. Maybe.
Steven certainly seems to think so. He's keeping his family around as goblins, so they may someday perhaps return, their egos restored. But now even if there's a way, it won't matter. Drakvoid's dead, turned to ashes. He can't ever be brought back.
All because we killed him.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck fuck.
FUCK!
Flames erupted from my foot, I had accidentally triggered Horsekick Gambit. I saw the tiles behind us burning, and Flaze tugged on my mane lightly, giving me a wordless question.
It's nothing. I neighed.
Steven's fucking right, I've conquered it. Monsterization. Ego Death. So there's no reason at all to assume that it's permanent. It's been a mere week since this all happened, how the fuck would we even begin to know that!? Fuck.
Instead we killed him. We killed our friend. We'd ruined whatever chances he had left of returning.
All because we were stupid. Because we weren't thinking. We just rushed into the problem, and then freaked out and made it all the way fucking worse!!
I breathed, and I panted. I went down another flight of stars, before another sheeptaur emerged. I pounced on it with prejudice, neighing and screaming while I got on top of the level 41 creature. I punched its face with my hooves, strikes fueled with my gambit, while I poured so much of my power and energy into exploding fireballs that were definitely overkill, not caring for when I was caught up with the explosions. It served as a good lesson, that certain kinds of force are not mitigated by my control over my own magic.
Or is it that the explosions are just not under my control anymore?
I never gave it more attention than a cursory thought.
Doesn't matter.
The sheeptaur thrashed underneath my form, punching, kicking, and screaming. Flaze was still on my back, ready to jump in should it be necessary, but she did not interfere otherwise.
Thanks.
I didn't let up on my own offensive. I kept on smashing the creature's head over and over, willing my fireballs to life, with weaker and more controlled explosions. I didn't stop, even when I've already heard the chime of notifications in my head.
Finally, I exhausted myself. I collapsed on a bed of charred and ruined flesh.
Somehow, I smelled something that stirred my appetite.
Did someone cook lamb?
_______________
Name: Jackal Dolmer
Level: 48
______________
(Unassigned MANA: 0)
Vitality: 80
Strength: 90
Magic: 120
Agility: 120
Intelligence: 70
_____________
Class:
[Thy Blessed Pony]
[Hell Baby]
Skills:
[Foal Blessing] (Level 1 / Integration 62%)
[Hellborne] (Level 1 / Integration 69%)
[Hellish Fireball] (Level 2 / Integration 100%)
[Trailblazer] (Level 1 / Integration 55%)
[Blessed Heal] (Level 2 / Integration 100%)
[Longstrider] (Level 1 / Integration 95%)
[Horsekick Gambit] (Level 2 / Integration 100%)
_____________
I know, I know. The funny has been gone for the past few chapters. That is actually why I didn't have the comedy tag when I first started publishing, but I think the book did end up very joke dense because of the main casts' personalities. And I at least find the jokes funny.
It's just, there are some tougher times like now. And Jackal and Flaze aren't always in a joking mood. That's just, well, I hesitate to say this about my own work... With a literal horse as it's main character. But that's just realistic.
Let them grieve. And also be a mess in general, with some very unhealthy intrusive thoughts.
Do tell me what you think about this chapter though. I'm back to editing hell where I have to basically rewrite almost the entire chapter. This one actually got split into two parts because I added so much shit. So cheers for that.
The funeral was over, and it was time for us to leave. We've spent so much time here, trying to go and find Darkvoid, only for our efforts to have been all for naught.
Hell, it's even worse than mere efforts wasted; Darkvoid would have never died if we didn't come. Then maybe later on we could have found a cure for monsterization. He could have been saved, had we not come.
It's that exact same thought over and over and over. No matter how much I try to tune it ou of my mind, it just comes back with the slightest of prompting.
Fuck.
I get it. I fucking suck. I killed my friend. I know!
Please leave me alone already.
"Jackal..." Flaze said, clearly thinking over her words. "It's okay."
No, it's not. I neighed, and huffed.
"I... You're right." She paused, shook her head, and then got on my back. "Let's go. Maybe... maybe some of our friends are still alive."
A cynical part of myself wondered for a second, if that was even true. The lethality of the apocalypse still a question that needs to be answered.
But, well, it'd be an exaggeration to say that the chances are zero, when it has already happened, people having survived. I just want to do something else right now. Anything.
[Longstrider].
My running speed was cranked to the maximum, the corridors were a chaotic blur as I barreled through them. I felt Flaze strain on my back in surprise, I'd given her no chance to summon her clone out in order to scout ahead. We've already killed most of the monsters here. i don't care.
I came upon a turn, and kicked against a wall, and then another, just to get my bearings straight. I was going so fast that I could no longer maneuver in any manner close to proper.
A goblin in the way was splattered, a gremlin that tried to give chase was left in my dust. I felt the wind buffeting my face, the danger, and I heard myself neigh. An almost happy sound.
We came upon another turn, and Flaze had to kick against the wall as well, just to keep ourselves from crashing. That gave me some pause, a seed of hesitation, but I swallowed it back and plowed my way forth.
We arrived at the next stairwell down, and I jumped.
There was a feeling of weightlessness, the beauty of flight. It didn't last very long, for in the next moment I face-planted straight into a wall, both the concrete and my skull cracked heavily by the impact.
The world spun even harder, as I came to a stop. I slumped to the ground, feeling for the first time the pain shooting up into my core.
I neighed, and screamed. I got up in a panic, unable to tell what's up from left. My head felt wet, red clouded vision, until I felt a pair of hands around my torso, and then another by neck.
"Jackal." I heard someone call my name. A serenade of calm in the unending chaos. The familiar voice of a friend that has stayed by my side for so long.
It was Flaze.
I tried to thrash around again, out of sheer instinct, an irrational reaction. She only held me down, gently but firmly. I heard her voice enter my ears, in what was almost a whisper. "It's okay. It's okay, Jackal. You're fine. You're just... fine."
At some point, I started to believe her, and I calmed down.
My vision returned to me, I collapsed to the ground. I saw Flaze sitting beside myself, both her and her clone in the garb of a squire.
"You feeling better?" She asked kindly, forcing a smile. I know that this just as hard for her as it was for me.
I nodded, feeling another burst of pain from my head, and then my neck.
'You should... Heal yourself, probably."
Ah. RIght. I can do that.
[Blessed Heal].
My breathing steadied, as I felt my wounds mend themselves. Skin was stitched back together, skull and bone made whole again.
It took another cast of the Skill for myself to be good as new.
[The Skill, [Blessed Heal], has reached level 2!]
_____________
[Blessed Heal] (Level 2 / Integration 100%)
Heal yourself or a designated ally.
Level 2: The skill becomes better at healing and removing certain conditions and debuffs.
_____________
Oh. Well, that's nice.
I got back up and looked at my surroundings, getting my sense back for where the fuck I was. I was in a landing, the narrow space in between two sets of stairs. The wall before me was heavily dented, pieces of rock falling off.
That wouldn't be the worst attack if I had horns, or perhaps a domed head.
I saw Flaze sitting in a corner by the next set of stairs down. Her eyes were set on a far off place, gazing into a distance unseen.
I sat near her and huffed. Sorry about that. I... I don't know what came over me.
She smiled and shook her head, I noticed that her eyes were moist, she must have been crying. "It's fine. You needed a good vent. Not like I hadn't done the same, since this all started."
I... You're right. I neighed.
"So..." She pointed down the stairs. "You wanna take some more time, or should we go.
I thought it over for a short while. No. I'm good now. Let's go.
~~~
"Philip." Flaze said after a while, her voice perfectly audible to my senses despite the speed we were going at. I hadn't used my Longstrider again, but I was still hurrying. "Forget the other ones. We don't have the time to save everyone."
Flaze had originally wanted to check on a lot more people because she's got friends everywhere. But now she's suddenly told me that it wasn't necessary anymore to go check up on them at their homes, shortening her list and our route to only Philip's abode. A mechanic with his own shop downtown, .
You sure? I neighed, questioning. I'm certainly not opposed, trying to get to all of them would be a major hassle, but if Flaze really wanted to check up on them then I'd go with her.
"Yes I'm sure, Jackal." She said. "You prefer it this way anyway, don't you?"
Ouch. That hurt. I know she's not wrong, but... She didn't have to say it like that. She knows I'm do or die for my friends, my true friends. She need only say the word and I'm prepared to commit the worst of war crimes.
Okay, she won't be happy hearing that, if I could actually speak and tell her.
I stopped in my tracks to write upon a nearby wall with fire.
Not if you're forcing yourself. You've roped me into plenty of shit before. A bit late to start feeling embarrassed.
The handwriting was squiggly and a mess, but I can get more words out this way. Even an entire sentence, or two.
She sighed. "They're dead anyway. What's the fucking point?"
...
I tried to think of what to say; since I'm only neighing, I was tempted to just pretend to be saying something profound and have her fill in the blanks.
What do I even say to that? That she's right? Or that she's wrong?
I don't fucking know!
Tsk.
Whatever. They're her people, not mine. It doesn't really matter to me if they live or die. It was only by her will that I was willing to go check on random people who were acquaintances at best for myself.
Though I do wish Darkvoid is the only friend I end up losing. That sucked. Why couldn't someone else have been monsterized instead, so that he may have lived? It's unfair.
We went back on our way, eventually passing the tenth floor where Steven should be with his fucked up goblin family. I saw Flaze pause, clearly thinking, but she made no mention of paying him a visit. I didn't bother to bring it up myself.
I don't hate the kid, but I don't care for him either. He's just wasting his time on a wild goose chase. Monsterization is permanent. There can be no way to bring them back. Otherwise, with Darkvoid dead, by our hands...
Argh!
Fuck.
Why couldn't we have done the same
A sheeptaur charged at us, just like the ones we came across at the reception of this building. It was one level short of forty.
The monster died, burning and sliced up. I didn't even bother to stop our travels, against something that weak.
My thoughts drifted back to Darkvoid. My errors, and what I could have done different.
We could have saved him. We really could have. Maybe.
Steven certainly seems to think so. He's keeping his family around as goblins, so they may someday perhaps return, their egos restored. But now even if there's a way, it won't matter. Drakvoid's dead, turned to ashes. He can't ever be brought back.
All because we killed him.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck fuck.
FUCK!
Flames erupted from my foot, I had accidentally triggered Horsekick Gambit. I saw the tiles behind us burning, and Flaze tugged on my mane lightly, giving me a wordless question.
It's nothing. I neighed.
Steven's fucking right, I've conquered it. Monsterization. Ego Death. So there's no reason at all to assume that it's permanent. It's been a mere week since this all happened, how the fuck would we even begin to know that!? Fuck.
Instead we killed him. We killed our friend. We'd ruined whatever chances he had left of returning.
All because we were stupid. Because we weren't thinking. We just rushed into the problem, and then freaked out and made it all the way fucking worse!!
I breathed, and I panted. I went down another flight of stars, before another sheeptaur emerged. I pounced on it with prejudice, neighing and screaming while I got on top of the level 41 creature. I punched its face with my hooves, strikes fueled with my gambit, while I poured so much of my power and energy into exploding fireballs that were definitely overkill, not caring for when I was caught up with the explosions. It served as a good lesson, that certain kinds of force are not mitigated by my control over my own magic.
Or is it that the explosions are just not under my control anymore?
I never gave it more attention than a cursory thought.
Doesn't matter.
The sheeptaur thrashed underneath my form, punching, kicking, and screaming. Flaze was still on my back, ready to jump in should it be necessary, but she did not interfere otherwise.
Thanks.
I didn't let up on my own offensive. I kept on smashing the creature's head over and over, willing my fireballs to life, with weaker and more controlled explosions. I didn't stop, even when I've already heard the chime of notifications in my head.
Finally, I exhausted myself. I collapsed on a bed of charred and ruined flesh.
Somehow, I smelled something that stirred my appetite.
Did someone cook lamb?
_______________
Name: Jackal Dolmer
Level: 48
______________
(Unassigned MANA: 0)
Vitality: 80
Strength: 90
Magic: 120
Agility: 120
Intelligence: 70
_____________
Class:
[Thy Blessed Pony]
[Hell Baby]
Skills:
[Foal Blessing] (Level 1 / Integration 62%)
[Hellborne] (Level 1 / Integration 69%)
[Hellish Fireball] (Level 2 / Integration 100%)
[Trailblazer] (Level 1 / Integration 55%)
[Blessed Heal] (Level 2 / Integration 100%)
[Longstrider] (Level 1 / Integration 95%)
[Horsekick Gambit] (Level 2 / Integration 100%)
_____________
I know, I know. The funny has been gone for the past few chapters. That is actually why I didn't have the comedy tag when I first started publishing, but I think the book did end up very joke dense because of the main casts' personalities. And I at least find the jokes funny.
It's just, there are some tougher times like now. And Jackal and Flaze aren't always in a joking mood. That's just, well, I hesitate to say this about my own work... With a literal horse as it's main character. But that's just realistic.
Let them grieve. And also be a mess in general, with some very unhealthy intrusive thoughts.
Do tell me what you think about this chapter though. I'm back to editing hell where I have to basically rewrite almost the entire chapter. This one actually got split into two parts because I added so much shit. So cheers for that.
