I thought that the story in the library probably included something related to my future.
I don’t know what Cassini wants from me, but if I can know, I want to know.
“…Okay.”
Paolo answered and looked straight into my eyes.
“But first, I want to ask you something. When you heard that, didn’t you feel like we are different beings from the people in this world?”
“Huh?”
“Sure, we look the same as everything else. But this world is different from the world we came from. In this world, we are comrades who can share the same things. But we can’t do that with the people here.”
“That’s not natural. If you keep saying that, we’ll never be able to understand each other.
I vaguely understand what he wants to say, but why is that a problem? At least I don’t feel that way towards my family or Jeremiah.
In fact, I’m starting to lose track of what Paolo is trying to say.
I thought it was about the future, but it seems different.
“That’s right. But I couldn’t throw away my memories or change my feelings. Honestly, it was lonely not being understood… Did you ever feel that way?”
“That’s…”
“You did, right?”
Asked with a strong tone, I nodded.
Probably, everyone born in this world as a memory holder has felt it at least once.
Only I know it.
Only I can understand it.
Only I——I don’t know.
To say that it’s not lonely would be a lie.
“Yeah. That’s why you’re one of us after all. You’re one of us on this side. No matter how much we love each other and work hard, there are things that can’t be filled.
I wanted you to know that.”
Quietly, but strongly, I bowed my head at Paolo’s words.
It was clear that what Paolo said was true. Even so, I imagined many faces in my mind.
The face that stood out the most was still Jeremiah’s.
“Then, I wanted you to choose between me and him.”
I raised my face unconsciously.
Paolo had a serious expression on his face. Seeing that, I realized that he hadn’t given up on anything yet.
Moreover, I could feel his confidence.
I felt like my heart was being squeezed and unconsciously pursed my lips. I had been avoiding thinking about it until now. That’s how I felt.
“You don’t have to hurry with your answer. But now that it’s come to this, it will probably be called off with him, and I don’t want to give you to anyone else…”
Paolo reached out his hand to me as I stood there dumbfounded. His fingertips touched my cheek and trailed down to my chin.
I could clearly sense what he wanted to do from the touch. I looked into Paolo’s eyes as if I was being sucked in.
Floating in his slightly brighter blue eyes, different from Jeremiah’s, was…
“…!”
I reflexively swatted away the hand that was reaching for my lips.
Paolo looked a little hurt, but he shrugged it off with composure and said, “Sorry, that was too sudden.”
I thought that wasn’t the issue, but I couldn’t voice it. I looked at him resentfully and muttered in a small voice, “My feelings haven’t changed.”
“…Let’s go back.”
Paolo didn’t answer and started walking again. I followed him, and we walked in silence until we reached the room. Even when he left, he didn’t say anything.
I sat on the bed and sighed.
There were so many things I had to think about, but I couldn’t organize my thoughts. I didn’t want to complain because Dennis was doing her best and Lucia was enduring, but I couldn’t help but mutter weakly, “I want to go home.”
However, reality wouldn’t allow it.
How did things end up like this?
There’s nothing particularly noteworthy about me except that I have a hobby of admiring handsome men, and I’m plain, a little stupid, and cowardly. Why do I have to be involved in such a big event?
“I guess I must have used up all my luck. But that doesn’t mean they had to involve me.”
I’m starting to get angry for some reason.
It’s frustrating to think that I’ll just end up being used again. Whatever it takes, I’ll find something I can do.
“That’s right, but I need to know more.”
I don’t know anything. I realized that today.
How do other people with memories live? What dissatisfaction led them to participate in this? Maybe there’s something to gain from there.
“Okay, Paolo is trying to stop me, but I don’t care.”
Staring at the stained wall, I made up my mind.
I’ll strike back even if it’s just a mosquito bite. Or even if it’s just a needle prick.
“Tomorrow, let’s go somewhere we didn’t go today.”
It’s okay to take it slowly.
I won’t push myself too hard because it won’t change anything.
Anyway, all I have to do now is eat well and sleep well. After devouring all the food Paolo brought me, I quickly fell asleep, much to his surprise.
◆
Today, like every day, I was talking to a woman who was keeping watch over the room where Lucia and Emilio were being held, while dragging Paolo along like a guardian spirit.
By the way, yesterday I talked to a middle-aged man who manages the food supply. He looked almost homeless, but he happily told me that he used to be a bodyguard in his past life.
Before that, I talked to a young man with an open-minded atmosphere who told me he was a doctor in his past life. He lamented that the medical care in this world is too miserable.
“So, how did you die?”
When I asked her, the young woman answered my question with a wry smile.
I thought that the story in the library probably included something related to my future.
I don’t know what Cassini wants from me, but if I can know, I want to know.
“…Okay.”
Paolo answered and looked straight into my eyes.
“But first, I want to ask you something. When you heard that, didn’t you feel like we are different beings from the people in this world?”
“Huh?”
“Sure, we look the same as everything else. But this world is different from the world we came from. In this world, we are comrades who can share the same things. But we can’t do that with the people here.”
“That’s not natural. If you keep saying that, we’ll never be able to understand each other.
I vaguely understand what he wants to say, but why is that a problem? At least I don’t feel that way towards my family or Jeremiah.
In fact, I’m starting to lose track of what Paolo is trying to say.
I thought it was about the future, but it seems different.
“That’s right. But I couldn’t throw away my memories or change my feelings. Honestly, it was lonely not being understood… Did you ever feel that way?”
“That’s…”
“You did, right?”
Asked with a strong tone, I nodded.
Probably, everyone born in this world as a memory holder has felt it at least once.
Only I know it.
Only I can understand it.
Only I——I don’t know.
To say that it’s not lonely would be a lie.
“Yeah. That’s why you’re one of us after all. You’re one of us on this side. No matter how much we love each other and work hard, there are things that can’t be filled.
I wanted you to know that.”
Quietly, but strongly, I bowed my head at Paolo’s words.
It was clear that what Paolo said was true. Even so, I imagined many faces in my mind.
The face that stood out the most was still Jeremiah’s.
“Then, I wanted you to choose between me and him.”
I raised my face unconsciously.
Paolo had a serious expression on his face. Seeing that, I realized that he hadn’t given up on anything yet.
Moreover, I could feel his confidence.
I felt like my heart was being squeezed and unconsciously pursed my lips. I had been avoiding thinking about it until now. That’s how I felt.
“You don’t have to hurry with your answer. But now that it’s come to this, it will probably be called off with him, and I don’t want to give you to anyone else…”
Paolo reached out his hand to me as I stood there dumbfounded. His fingertips touched my cheek and trailed down to my chin.
I could clearly sense what he wanted to do from the touch. I looked into Paolo’s eyes as if I was being sucked in.
Floating in his slightly brighter blue eyes, different from Jeremiah’s, was…
“…!”
I reflexively swatted away the hand that was reaching for my lips.
Paolo looked a little hurt, but he shrugged it off with composure and said, “Sorry, that was too sudden.”
I thought that wasn’t the issue, but I couldn’t voice it. I looked at him resentfully and muttered in a small voice, “My feelings haven’t changed.”
“…Let’s go back.”
Paolo didn’t answer and started walking again. I followed him, and we walked in silence until we reached the room. Even when he left, he didn’t say anything.
I sat on the bed and sighed.
There were so many things I had to think about, but I couldn’t organize my thoughts. I didn’t want to complain because Dennis was doing her best and Lucia was enduring, but I couldn’t help but mutter weakly, “I want to go home.”
However, reality wouldn’t allow it.
How did things end up like this?
There’s nothing particularly noteworthy about me except that I have a hobby of admiring handsome men, and I’m plain, a little stupid, and cowardly. Why do I have to be involved in such a big event?
“I guess I must have used up all my luck. But that doesn’t mean they had to involve me.”
I’m starting to get angry for some reason.
It’s frustrating to think that I’ll just end up being used again. Whatever it takes, I’ll find something I can do.
“That’s right, but I need to know more.”
I don’t know anything. I realized that today.
How do other people with memories live? What dissatisfaction led them to participate in this? Maybe there’s something to gain from there.
“Okay, Paolo is trying to stop me, but I don’t care.”
Staring at the stained wall, I made up my mind.
I’ll strike back even if it’s just a mosquito bite. Or even if it’s just a needle prick.
“Tomorrow, let’s go somewhere we didn’t go today.”
It’s okay to take it slowly.
I won’t push myself too hard because it won’t change anything.
Anyway, all I have to do now is eat well and sleep well. After devouring all the food Paolo brought me, I quickly fell asleep, much to his surprise.
◆
Today, like every day, I was talking to a woman who was keeping watch over the room where Lucia and Emilio were being held, while dragging Paolo along like a guardian spirit.
By the way, yesterday I talked to a middle-aged man who manages the food supply. He looked almost homeless, but he happily told me that he used to be a bodyguard in his past life.
Before that, I talked to a young man with an open-minded atmosphere who told me he was a doctor in his past life. He lamented that the medical care in this world is too miserable.
“So, how did you die?”
When I asked her, the young woman answered my question with a wry smile.
