Tao Ling didn’t move upon reading these words. Wen Qingying seemed to have gotten his message. He slowly pulled back his hand and turned off his phone.
After a while, Tao Ling raised his head. When he saw Wen Qingying’s sincere expression, that indescribable suffocating feeling surged back again.
Fearing that his own mood would become even more off, he smiled as he typed: “It’s best if I don’t go there tomorrow. There is still a paper I need to revise for submission, so I’ll be taking advantage of these next few days to do that.”
When he received the answer, Wen Qingying turned up the corners of his lips and nodded.
Tao Ling entered the neighborhood. Even after reaching upstairs, his bad mood still could not go away. When he kicked off his shoes and walked into the apartment, the weariness in him suddenly reached its peak.
A type of dreariness akin to a silk thread was cocooning him daintily, which furthermore made his breathing heavier. He felt as though he was floating on water, being unable to touch the ground, nor able to touch the air.
It has been ages since he last felt this way.
Tao Ling felt too tired to shower. He slumped in the couch, then gazed at those withered hoary stocks in the basin. He gazed at them and gazed at them, and then fell asleep before knowing it.
It was three a.m. when he woke up. He took a shower and stayed awake till dawn.
As the first rays of morning sun peeked over, Tao Ling got up from the chair in the study room. He stretched his body and went to brew a cup of coffee.
When he arrived beside the window, he pulled open the curtains. Just as he swept a casual glance, he just happened to see a ray of light slicing through the misty horizon. The bottom part was grayish-blue, while the top part was already suffused with white.
The study room is the room with the best lighting at home. There is a balcony outside the french window. When he woke up early yesterday and noticed that the weather would be fair, Tao Ling moved the Chinese roses to the balcony.
The late autumn wind breezed from afar, causing the delicate flower petals to dance in the air. Tao Ling approached the balcony and crouched down to examine this pot of tiny little flowers, trying to find out why they are blooming so nicely.
In just a glance, he could see the sun rising above the horizon and its rays pouring through the buildings, leaving a bright trail on the flowers. It resembled a veil that would instead increase their beauty.
Tao Ling put out his hand to catch the light. As such, a glowing strip of ribbon had appeared on his palm, too.
After watching foolishly for a moment, he suddenly got up to his feet.
Crouching down for too long had brought him momentary lightheadedness. After enduring that wave of dizziness, Tao Ling immediately rushed towards the bathroom to wash himself up.
When he got out, Tao Ling felt like he was out of his mind. When he took the metro, Tao Ling felt like he was really out of his mind. When he took the bus, Tao Ling felt like he was a hundred percent out of his mind.
When he entered the cemetery, Tao Ling felt like he was already beyond cure.
He walked up the stairs, striding over three steps at once. The sun was completely up, and the sky was as clear as usual. Today wasn’t any special day, so the cemetery was filled with nothing but empty quietness.
Tao Ling pulled down the zipper of his jacket. His heart was beating like a drum.
Not because he was worn out.
Although the gravestone of Wen Qingying’s mother was in a slightly higher place, it was actually located a little closer to the main pathway. Tao Ling hesitated for a moment. In the end, he still used his best memory and arrived behind the arborvitae shrubs.
Before peeking through the shrubs, Tao Ling had guessed that he wouldn’t be this lucky in getting the location right. But when he saw that desolated gravestone, his heart tightened like before.
He let out a deep breath. While his heartbeat was gradually getting back to normal, Tao Ling felt that not only was he beyond cure, but he was also beyond laughable.
Wen Qingying paid a visit already. A bouquet of white Chinese roses was placed in front of the gravestone, the petals were fresh and vivid.
After settling down for a moment, Tao Ling walked up and made a zuoyi.
[It’s an ancient Chinese way of greeting by bowing with your hands folded in front.]
After getting his mood stabilized, he took a shortcut and bore through the shrubs, on his way to visit Tao Jun. When he was walking upon the grassland, he accidentally ran into a blackjack plant. As such, his trousers were now punctured by a bunch of dark thorns.
Stepping on the horizontal pathway, he bent over to pick out those thorns. Just as he finished cleaning up, a pair of feet suddenly entered his sight.
Tao Ling’s heart stopped for a second. When he loosened his two fingers, the last thorn fell down as light as a feather. Tao Ling stood up, then saw Wen QIngying standing before him, with his crystal eyes.
His thoughts were flying rapidly in two circles. Tao Ling was thinking that he probably wasn’t caught when he came down. At the same time, he crept a faint smile across his face.
Seeing that he was smiling, Wen Qingying approached him and smiled as well. He held his phone, asking: “Why did mister come all of a sudden?”
Tao Ling pushed down his heartbeat, fishing out his phone to answer: “I stayed up rather late last night to get my work done. I didn’t have any plans this morning so I just made a trip here.”
When Wen Qingying finished reading, he typed again: “How coincident. You’re an early bird so I thought you left already.”
Wen Qingying showed his eyeteeth. Instead of replying to him, he turned sideways to let him walk.
The path was narrow. Tao Ling nodded, moving past his body as his own shoulder becomes only a few centimeters away from his chest. For an instant, he could almost feel a collision of body heat.
After walking for a moment, Tao Ling saw right away that there was also a bouquet of flowers in front of Tao Jun’s gravestone. They were Chinese roses as well. The very outer petals looked somewhat greenish, lively dyeing the late autumn air into an early morning of summer.
When he looked back, Wen Qingying’s expression was extremely calm, as though giving Tao Jun a bouquet of flowers was the right and natural thing to do. As such, there was no need for Tao Ling to say anything either.
After standing quietly in front of the gravestone for a while, Tao Ling crouched down, caressed the flowers, and then touched the monument.
Tao Jun, what should I do?
His face was nonchalant, though his heart couldn’t stop flipping back and forth. In the end, everything returned to silence.
However, this was exactly the same as what he’d said to Wen Qingying about traditions. Even though the pounding of the waves has been settled down, and thus the peacefulness at the moment was peaceful, it was no longer the same peacefulness either.
When he got up, the sun was at its peak. They both walked out together. The wind blew past them. The weather was so refreshing that it’d make one have the urge to close their eyes.
Unlike last time, Wen Qingying didn’t mention anything about going to Shennuxiang, nor did he ask Tao Ling about his plans. He simply walked with him as if he could care less where he was going.
Although Tao Ling definitely wouldn’t bring him to any unexpected places.
In the end they took the bus and switched to the metro. During the whole trip, Tao Ling was completely absorbed in his thoughts. After arriving in front of the flower shop, Tao Ling stood on the walkway and asked: “Are you opening the shop?”
Wen Qingying lowered his head to type, asking back: “Mister, would you like to eat lunch with me?”
After pondering for a moment, Tao Ling ground his back molars and asked: “Are you not going to eat with your girlfriend?”
When Wen Qingying finished reading this question, he blinked his eyes in slight astonishment. He threw Tao Ling a glance, then wrote: “I don’t have a girlfriend though.”
His answer was plain and frank. Tao Ling took a look at his expression. Either he was telling the truth or that he was too good at lying.
Between the two, almost immediately, Tao Ling chose the first one with no second thought.
But when he considered it again, the picture he saw on the forum sprung back to his mind. He wanted to ask yet didn’t have the guts to do it. If he were to, then he would end up making himself look like a peeping tom.
Before he could ponder any longer, Wen Qingying’s phone entered his sight again: “Mister? I still have a couple of questions I would like to ask mister, so could I eat a meal with you?”
The leaves of the wutong tree have withered and thus appeared very melancholy, although as soon as the glorious sunlight came to cast upon it, a type of delicate softness was suddenly brought to sight.
Just like Wen Qingying.
After a long yet brief moment of hesitation, Tao Ling wrote a line: “I am free for the rest of the weekend.”
In the last session, they spoke about medium congregations of Daoism in medieval China. After the meal, they head back to the flower shop. Wen Qingying closed the roll-up door and turned on the lights. He took out his notebook that had several key questions written down.
After reading his thoughts, Tao Ling began to type on the notepad on his phone: “The idea of ‘self-religion’ does not actually contradict with that of religious groups. Inside Daoist schools they are accustomed to using a type of artistic expression, and, in order for a Daoist to form a group, they’d typically have to rely on religious experience.”
When the writing reached here, he glanced at Wen Qingying from the side. Wen Qingying seemed as though he’d just had his eureka moment. He moved closer and grabbed his phone to reply: “I understand now, religious experience helps Daoists to gather together. A core exists within a group, which is mediumship. Spirit mediums are the pillars of the religious experience during the making of a school.”
Tao Ling smiled. “Correct, this is exactly the acceptance problem in religious experience.”
“Martin Buber’s studies have shown that the biggest difference between religion and witchcraft is that religion seeks to establish an “I-Thou” relationship between man and God. The core of such a relationship is the ‘encounter of personalities’.”
When he looked up again, he saw Wen Qingying watching him with ardent eyes. Tao Ling’s heart skipped a beat, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
This question was asked out loud, but Wen Qingying was able to get his message effortlessly.
Wen Qingying pursed his lips and typed a few lines of words: “Mister, if one wants to establish this kind of personality relationship with another individual, does this mean that a religion has emerged between the two people?”
Author’s Note:
“Encounter of Personalities”: As in the writing said, it’s from Martin Buber’s idea.
“Self-religion”: A vocabulary word in religious studies. I saw it a lot more in William James’s writings.
Tao Ling didn’t move upon reading these words. Wen Qingying seemed to have gotten his message. He slowly pulled back his hand and turned off his phone.
After a while, Tao Ling raised his head. When he saw Wen Qingying’s sincere expression, that indescribable suffocating feeling surged back again.
Fearing that his own mood would become even more off, he smiled as he typed: “It’s best if I don’t go there tomorrow. There is still a paper I need to revise for submission, so I’ll be taking advantage of these next few days to do that.”
When he received the answer, Wen Qingying turned up the corners of his lips and nodded.
Tao Ling entered the neighborhood. Even after reaching upstairs, his bad mood still could not go away. When he kicked off his shoes and walked into the apartment, the weariness in him suddenly reached its peak.
A type of dreariness akin to a silk thread was cocooning him daintily, which furthermore made his breathing heavier. He felt as though he was floating on water, being unable to touch the ground, nor able to touch the air.
It has been ages since he last felt this way.
Tao Ling felt too tired to shower. He slumped in the couch, then gazed at those withered hoary stocks in the basin. He gazed at them and gazed at them, and then fell asleep before knowing it.
It was three a.m. when he woke up. He took a shower and stayed awake till dawn.
As the first rays of morning sun peeked over, Tao Ling got up from the chair in the study room. He stretched his body and went to brew a cup of coffee.
When he arrived beside the window, he pulled open the curtains. Just as he swept a casual glance, he just happened to see a ray of light slicing through the misty horizon. The bottom part was grayish-blue, while the top part was already suffused with white.
The study room is the room with the best lighting at home. There is a balcony outside the french window. When he woke up early yesterday and noticed that the weather would be fair, Tao Ling moved the Chinese roses to the balcony.
The late autumn wind breezed from afar, causing the delicate flower petals to dance in the air. Tao Ling approached the balcony and crouched down to examine this pot of tiny little flowers, trying to find out why they are blooming so nicely.
In just a glance, he could see the sun rising above the horizon and its rays pouring through the buildings, leaving a bright trail on the flowers. It resembled a veil that would instead increase their beauty.
Tao Ling put out his hand to catch the light. As such, a glowing strip of ribbon had appeared on his palm, too.
After watching foolishly for a moment, he suddenly got up to his feet.
Crouching down for too long had brought him momentary lightheadedness. After enduring that wave of dizziness, Tao Ling immediately rushed towards the bathroom to wash himself up.
When he got out, Tao Ling felt like he was out of his mind. When he took the metro, Tao Ling felt like he was really out of his mind. When he took the bus, Tao Ling felt like he was a hundred percent out of his mind.
When he entered the cemetery, Tao Ling felt like he was already beyond cure.
He walked up the stairs, striding over three steps at once. The sun was completely up, and the sky was as clear as usual. Today wasn’t any special day, so the cemetery was filled with nothing but empty quietness.
Tao Ling pulled down the zipper of his jacket. His heart was beating like a drum.
Not because he was worn out.
Although the gravestone of Wen Qingying’s mother was in a slightly higher place, it was actually located a little closer to the main pathway. Tao Ling hesitated for a moment. In the end, he still used his best memory and arrived behind the arborvitae shrubs.
Before peeking through the shrubs, Tao Ling had guessed that he wouldn’t be this lucky in getting the location right. But when he saw that desolated gravestone, his heart tightened like before.
He let out a deep breath. While his heartbeat was gradually getting back to normal, Tao Ling felt that not only was he beyond cure, but he was also beyond laughable.
Wen Qingying paid a visit already. A bouquet of white Chinese roses was placed in front of the gravestone, the petals were fresh and vivid.
After settling down for a moment, Tao Ling walked up and made a zuoyi.
[It’s an ancient Chinese way of greeting by bowing with your hands folded in front.]
After getting his mood stabilized, he took a shortcut and bore through the shrubs, on his way to visit Tao Jun. When he was walking upon the grassland, he accidentally ran into a blackjack plant. As such, his trousers were now punctured by a bunch of dark thorns.
Stepping on the horizontal pathway, he bent over to pick out those thorns. Just as he finished cleaning up, a pair of feet suddenly entered his sight.
Tao Ling’s heart stopped for a second. When he loosened his two fingers, the last thorn fell down as light as a feather. Tao Ling stood up, then saw Wen QIngying standing before him, with his crystal eyes.
His thoughts were flying rapidly in two circles. Tao Ling was thinking that he probably wasn’t caught when he came down. At the same time, he crept a faint smile across his face.
Seeing that he was smiling, Wen Qingying approached him and smiled as well. He held his phone, asking: “Why did mister come all of a sudden?”
Tao Ling pushed down his heartbeat, fishing out his phone to answer: “I stayed up rather late last night to get my work done. I didn’t have any plans this morning so I just made a trip here.”
When Wen Qingying finished reading, he typed again: “How coincident. You’re an early bird so I thought you left already.”
Wen Qingying showed his eyeteeth. Instead of replying to him, he turned sideways to let him walk.
The path was narrow. Tao Ling nodded, moving past his body as his own shoulder becomes only a few centimeters away from his chest. For an instant, he could almost feel a collision of body heat.
After walking for a moment, Tao Ling saw right away that there was also a bouquet of flowers in front of Tao Jun’s gravestone. They were Chinese roses as well. The very outer petals looked somewhat greenish, lively dyeing the late autumn air into an early morning of summer.
When he looked back, Wen Qingying’s expression was extremely calm, as though giving Tao Jun a bouquet of flowers was the right and natural thing to do. As such, there was no need for Tao Ling to say anything either.
After standing quietly in front of the gravestone for a while, Tao Ling crouched down, caressed the flowers, and then touched the monument.
Tao Jun, what should I do?
His face was nonchalant, though his heart couldn’t stop flipping back and forth. In the end, everything returned to silence.
However, this was exactly the same as what he’d said to Wen Qingying about traditions. Even though the pounding of the waves has been settled down, and thus the peacefulness at the moment was peaceful, it was no longer the same peacefulness either.
When he got up, the sun was at its peak. They both walked out together. The wind blew past them. The weather was so refreshing that it’d make one have the urge to close their eyes.
Unlike last time, Wen Qingying didn’t mention anything about going to Shennuxiang, nor did he ask Tao Ling about his plans. He simply walked with him as if he could care less where he was going.
Although Tao Ling definitely wouldn’t bring him to any unexpected places.
In the end they took the bus and switched to the metro. During the whole trip, Tao Ling was completely absorbed in his thoughts. After arriving in front of the flower shop, Tao Ling stood on the walkway and asked: “Are you opening the shop?”
Wen Qingying lowered his head to type, asking back: “Mister, would you like to eat lunch with me?”
After pondering for a moment, Tao Ling ground his back molars and asked: “Are you not going to eat with your girlfriend?”
When Wen Qingying finished reading this question, he blinked his eyes in slight astonishment. He threw Tao Ling a glance, then wrote: “I don’t have a girlfriend though.”
His answer was plain and frank. Tao Ling took a look at his expression. Either he was telling the truth or that he was too good at lying.
Between the two, almost immediately, Tao Ling chose the first one with no second thought.
But when he considered it again, the picture he saw on the forum sprung back to his mind. He wanted to ask yet didn’t have the guts to do it. If he were to, then he would end up making himself look like a peeping tom.
Before he could ponder any longer, Wen Qingying’s phone entered his sight again: “Mister? I still have a couple of questions I would like to ask mister, so could I eat a meal with you?”
The leaves of the wutong tree have withered and thus appeared very melancholy, although as soon as the glorious sunlight came to cast upon it, a type of delicate softness was suddenly brought to sight.
Just like Wen Qingying.
After a long yet brief moment of hesitation, Tao Ling wrote a line: “I am free for the rest of the weekend.”
In the last session, they spoke about medium congregations of Daoism in medieval China. After the meal, they head back to the flower shop. Wen Qingying closed the roll-up door and turned on the lights. He took out his notebook that had several key questions written down.
After reading his thoughts, Tao Ling began to type on the notepad on his phone: “The idea of ‘self-religion’ does not actually contradict with that of religious groups. Inside Daoist schools they are accustomed to using a type of artistic expression, and, in order for a Daoist to form a group, they’d typically have to rely on religious experience.”
When the writing reached here, he glanced at Wen Qingying from the side. Wen Qingying seemed as though he’d just had his eureka moment. He moved closer and grabbed his phone to reply: “I understand now, religious experience helps Daoists to gather together. A core exists within a group, which is mediumship. Spirit mediums are the pillars of the religious experience during the making of a school.”
Tao Ling smiled. “Correct, this is exactly the acceptance problem in religious experience.”
“Martin Buber’s studies have shown that the biggest difference between religion and witchcraft is that religion seeks to establish an “I-Thou” relationship between man and God. The core of such a relationship is the ‘encounter of personalities’.”
When he looked up again, he saw Wen Qingying watching him with ardent eyes. Tao Ling’s heart skipped a beat, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
This question was asked out loud, but Wen Qingying was able to get his message effortlessly.
Wen Qingying pursed his lips and typed a few lines of words: “Mister, if one wants to establish this kind of personality relationship with another individual, does this mean that a religion has emerged between the two people?”
Author’s Note:
“Encounter of Personalities”: As in the writing said, it’s from Martin Buber’s idea.
“Self-religion”: A vocabulary word in religious studies. I saw it a lot more in William James’s writings.
