Chapter 82: 82
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I always felt that questioning myself was useless. No, it never actually occurred to me. Sometimes I wanted a little bit after acting or talking without thinking but immediately after, I forgot this little trace of remorse and moved on to something else and then I never thought thereafter to these episodes. I am like this. I do not dwell on what I did, what I said. If I shocked, humiliated, hurt, if people cried for my fault, I always felt that the blame came back to them because if it was not strong enough to support the words of a teenager, the best what remained for them to do was to hang themselves, or at best, to live in isolation so as not to feel that kind of miserable feeling. I was neither in their heads nor in their hearts, so their suffering and sadness had no impact or any importance to me. I remember what the school psychologist from my High School had told me during the consultations that had been imposed on me by the school; "Lisa, you are a monster of coldness. You have no empathy, let alone interest in the other person or how he feels. "I did not deny this statement that I knew was true and completely representative of the person I am still today. Other people's feelings do not affect me, nor if do they feel happy or distressed. Of course there are few exceptions, like Emie and Jenna, but apart from her two, if a person suffers, that will never affect me. But tonight, I just had an electroshock as unexpected as unpleasant. Between my always docile little sister who yelled at me and what she told me about the one who could be my mother, I think I regret for the first time in my life the way I have acted and even more not to have listened to what Selena wanted to tell me. I hate this feeling of weakness that makes me one of those beings I hate. One of these prey on which those who like me can let off steam by pouring out their anger, their hatred, their sadness and more simply, use these sheep to pour on them all the evils that gnaw at them. [Forget Lisa, do not fall into that pit from which you will never go back. Call Selena later, listen what she has to say to you and everything will be finally settled.] My conscience reassured, I smile again, I take Emie by the hand to lead her in the room where is the dancefloor. I have this innate capacity, miraculous to put into perspective and to bury what disturbs my tranquility and makes an excellent use of it. Tonight, I have just buried this strange and absurd capacity that others call empathy without the need of a big effort to do so that I can continue the course of my life without having to worry me. question that will produce a Lisa who will not be me nor do a stupid questioning that will produce a Lisa who will not be me.
As an amateur of Deicide, Batushka or Cradle Of Filth, the Boom-Boom music here do not like me very much. I will not complain because I knew when I came here that we should have fun on drum machines. When we started to dance, romp would be a more appropriate term considering our wildness tonight, Emie and I were placed in the center of the track. We did not stay there very long. The reason? A bunch of boys and old guys over the age of 30 were sticking to us and taking advantage of the crowd to put our hands on our buttocks. So we got closer to our table and curiously, no man comes to us any more. I think I can say that the barking of mastiffs makes them a bit scared. Therefore, chasing two little pussies at the risk of being bitten by a throat by two Rottweiler leaves them in this state, between desire and hesitation for several minutes already.
Mastiff 1 approaches me without me asking anything? It's not in his habits. "Miss Hanckok, we have to leave here immediately."
But I'm having fun. Why does this heap of muscle want to break my happiness? "No, with you two near us, these men will not come near us, so we stay."
Mastiff 1 shows me the screen of his smartphone. "Images of Miss Hanckok and her younger sister are on the internet. Soon many people from the area will be here and then it will be some media. Miss Hanckok, please listen to my request. We must leave immediately."
I thought they were taking photos just now with their smartphone all those idiots. "Emie, we have to leave quickly from here."
Mastiff 1. "Miss Hanckok. Do you know someone reliable who could host you and your younger sister for the night?"
???? "Our hotel is very close to here, why would we look for another accommodation?"
He looks at me with astonishment. "Miss Hanckok, the hotel in which we are staying in will be stormed in less than two hours, so going back is not an option. I will pick up our luggage tonight but it is not the most urgent. Do you know someone reliable in the neighborhood? If this is not the case, I advocate an immediate return to New York. "
I certainly can not ask my old friends, they are anything but reliable and it was a long time since I blocked their number one night or I was angry because they had forgotten me. Who? There is nobody. Maybe ... "Emie, show me your bunch of keys."
Fufufu, what is this head. "Make me a promise. You will give them back to me because I have treasures on it. If I do not get them back, I'll get sick like in books. "
Won, since little girl, Emie keeps a lot of things on this bunch of keys that must now weigh 3 kilograms. This one I believe. "Emie, that key is the key to grandma's house?"
No? "It is, but since you never had your keys and you were always bored us to ring even in the middle of the night you have to ignore a detail. Unfortunately, stinky grandmother had her lock changed so this key will not help you. I'm even sadder because I do not have her last key on my keychain, sorry Lisa."
What a pain. "I have an idea but I do not know if the person will agree to help us. I had a female teacher during my first year of Middle School with which I got along very well. She had resigned to take care of her children but this woman was really nice to me. I went once to her house. Her house is just outside Sandville. Let's try it out there and if she does not agree, let's go back to New York."
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I always felt that questioning myself was useless. No, it never actually occurred to me. Sometimes I wanted a little bit after acting or talking without thinking but immediately after, I forgot this little trace of remorse and moved on to something else and then I never thought thereafter to these episodes. I am like this. I do not dwell on what I did, what I said. If I shocked, humiliated, hurt, if people cried for my fault, I always felt that the blame came back to them because if it was not strong enough to support the words of a teenager, the best what remained for them to do was to hang themselves, or at best, to live in isolation so as not to feel that kind of miserable feeling. I was neither in their heads nor in their hearts, so their suffering and sadness had no impact or any importance to me. I remember what the school psychologist from my High School had told me during the consultations that had been imposed on me by the school; "Lisa, you are a monster of coldness. You have no empathy, let alone interest in the other person or how he feels. "I did not deny this statement that I knew was true and completely representative of the person I am still today. Other people's feelings do not affect me, nor if do they feel happy or distressed. Of course there are few exceptions, like Emie and Jenna, but apart from her two, if a person suffers, that will never affect me. But tonight, I just had an electroshock as unexpected as unpleasant. Between my always docile little sister who yelled at me and what she told me about the one who could be my mother, I think I regret for the first time in my life the way I have acted and even more not to have listened to what Selena wanted to tell me. I hate this feeling of weakness that makes me one of those beings I hate. One of these prey on which those who like me can let off steam by pouring out their anger, their hatred, their sadness and more simply, use these sheep to pour on them all the evils that gnaw at them. [Forget Lisa, do not fall into that pit from which you will never go back. Call Selena later, listen what she has to say to you and everything will be finally settled.] My conscience reassured, I smile again, I take Emie by the hand to lead her in the room where is the dancefloor. I have this innate capacity, miraculous to put into perspective and to bury what disturbs my tranquility and makes an excellent use of it. Tonight, I have just buried this strange and absurd capacity that others call empathy without the need of a big effort to do so that I can continue the course of my life without having to worry me. question that will produce a Lisa who will not be me nor do a stupid questioning that will produce a Lisa who will not be me.
As an amateur of Deicide, Batushka or Cradle Of Filth, the Boom-Boom music here do not like me very much. I will not complain because I knew when I came here that we should have fun on drum machines. When we started to dance, romp would be a more appropriate term considering our wildness tonight, Emie and I were placed in the center of the track. We did not stay there very long. The reason? A bunch of boys and old guys over the age of 30 were sticking to us and taking advantage of the crowd to put our hands on our buttocks. So we got closer to our table and curiously, no man comes to us any more. I think I can say that the barking of mastiffs makes them a bit scared. Therefore, chasing two little pussies at the risk of being bitten by a throat by two Rottweiler leaves them in this state, between desire and hesitation for several minutes already.
Mastiff 1 approaches me without me asking anything? It's not in his habits. "Miss Hanckok, we have to leave here immediately."
But I'm having fun. Why does this heap of muscle want to break my happiness? "No, with you two near us, these men will not come near us, so we stay."
Mastiff 1 shows me the screen of his smartphone. "Images of Miss Hanckok and her younger sister are on the internet. Soon many people from the area will be here and then it will be some media. Miss Hanckok, please listen to my request. We must leave immediately."
I thought they were taking photos just now with their smartphone all those idiots. "Emie, we have to leave quickly from here."
Mastiff 1. "Miss Hanckok. Do you know someone reliable who could host you and your younger sister for the night?"
???? "Our hotel is very close to here, why would we look for another accommodation?"
He looks at me with astonishment. "Miss Hanckok, the hotel in which we are staying in will be stormed in less than two hours, so going back is not an option. I will pick up our luggage tonight but it is not the most urgent. Do you know someone reliable in the neighborhood? If this is not the case, I advocate an immediate return to New York. "
I certainly can not ask my old friends, they are anything but reliable and it was a long time since I blocked their number one night or I was angry because they had forgotten me. Who? There is nobody. Maybe ... "Emie, show me your bunch of keys."
Fufufu, what is this head. "Make me a promise. You will give them back to me because I have treasures on it. If I do not get them back, I'll get sick like in books. "
Won, since little girl, Emie keeps a lot of things on this bunch of keys that must now weigh 3 kilograms. This one I believe. "Emie, that key is the key to grandma's house?"
No? "It is, but since you never had your keys and you were always bored us to ring even in the middle of the night you have to ignore a detail. Unfortunately, stinky grandmother had her lock changed so this key will not help you. I'm even sadder because I do not have her last key on my keychain, sorry Lisa."
What a pain. "I have an idea but I do not know if the person will agree to help us. I had a female teacher during my first year of Middle School with which I got along very well. She had resigned to take care of her children but this woman was really nice to me. I went once to her house. Her house is just outside Sandville. Let's try it out there and if she does not agree, let's go back to New York."
I always felt that questioning myself was useless. No, it never actually occurred to me. Sometimes I wanted a little bit after acting or talking without thinking but immediately after, I forgot this little trace of remorse and moved on to something else and then I never thought thereafter to these episodes. I am like this. I do not dwell on what I did, what I said. If I shocked, humiliated, hurt, if people cried for my fault, I always felt that the blame came back to them because if it was not strong enough to support the words of a teenager, the best what remained for them to do was to hang themselves, or at best, to live in isolation so as not to feel that kind of miserable feeling. I was neither in their heads nor in their hearts, so their suffering and sadness had no impact or any importance to me. I remember what the school psychologist from my High School had told me during the consultations that had been imposed on me by the school; "Lisa, you are a monster of coldness. You have no empathy, let alone interest in the other person or how he feels. "I did not deny this statement that I knew was true and completely representative of the person I am still today. Other people's feelings do not affect me, nor if do they feel happy or distressed. Of course there are few exceptions, like Emie and Jenna, but apart from her two, if a person suffers, that will never affect me. But tonight, I just had an electroshock as unexpected as unpleasant. Between my always docile little sister who yelled at me and what she told me about the one who could be my mother, I think I regret for the first time in my life the way I have acted and even more not to have listened to what Selena wanted to tell me. I hate this feeling of weakness that makes me one of those beings I hate. One of these prey on which those who like me can let off steam by pouring out their anger, their hatred, their sadness and more simply, use these sheep to pour on them all the evils that gnaw at them. Forget Lisa, do not fall into that pit from which you will never go back. Call Selena later, listen what she has to say to you and everything will be finally settled. My conscience reassured, I smile again, I take Emie by the hand to lead her in the room where is the dancefloor. I have this innate capacity, miraculous to put into perspective and to bury what disturbs my tranquility and makes an excellent use of it. Tonight, I have just buried this strange and absurd capacity that others call empathy without the need of a big effort to do so that I can continue the course of my life without having to worry me. question that will produce a Lisa who will not be me nor do a stupid questioning that will produce a Lisa who will not be me.As an amateur of Deicide, Batushka or Cradle Of Filth, the Boom-Boom music here do not like me very much. I will not complain because I knew when I came here that we should have fun on drum machines. When we started to dance, romp would be a more appropriate term considering our wildness tonight, Emie and I were placed in the center of the track. We did not stay there very long. The reason? A bunch of boys and old guys over the age of 30 were sticking to us and taking advantage of the crowd to put our hands on our buttocks. So we got closer to our table and curiously, no man comes to us any more. I think I can say that the barking of mastiffs makes them a bit scared. Therefore, chasing two little pussies at the risk of being bitten by a throat by two Rottweiler leaves them in this state, between desire and hesitation for several minutes already.Mastiff 1 approaches me without me asking anything? It's not in his habits. "Miss Hanckok, we have to leave here immediately."But I'm having fun. Why does this heap of muscle want to break my happiness? "No, with you two near us, these men will not come near us, so we stay."Mastiff 1 shows me the screen of his smartphone. "Images of Miss Hanckok and her younger sister are on the internet. Soon many people from the area will be here and then it will be some media. Miss Hanckok, please listen to my request. We must leave immediately."I thought they were taking photos just now with their smartphone all those idiots. "Emie, we have to leave quickly from here."Mastiff 1. "Miss Hanckok. Do you know someone reliable who could host you and your younger sister for the night?"???? "Our hotel is very close to here, why would we look for another accommodation?"He looks at me with astonishment. "Miss Hanckok, the hotel in which we are staying in will be stormed in less than two hours, so going back is not an option. I will pick up our luggage tonight but it is not the most urgent. Do you know someone reliable in the neighborhood? If this is not the case, I advocate an immediate return to New York. "I certainly can not ask my old friends, they are anything but reliable and it was a long time since I blocked their number one night or I was angry because they had forgotten me. Who? There is nobody. Maybe ... "Emie, show me your bunch of keys."Fufufu, what is this head. "Make me a promise. You will give them back to me because I have treasures on it. If I do not get them back, I'll get sick like in books. "Won, since little girl, Emie keeps a lot of things on this bunch of keys that must now weigh 3 kilograms. This one I believe. "Emie, that key is the key to grandma's house?"No? "It is, but since you never had your keys and you were always bored us to ring even in the middle of the night you have to ignore a detail. Unfortunately, stinky grandmother had her lock changed so this key will not help you. I'm even sadder because I do not have her last key on my keychain, sorry Lisa."What a pain. "I have an idea but I do not know if the person will agree to help us. I had a female teacher during my first year of Middle School with which I got along very well. She had resigned to take care of her children but this woman was really nice to me. I went once to her house. Her house is just outside Sandville. Let's try it out there and if she does not agree, let's go back to New York."
